Tom Segura talks about one of the most insane celebrities in the world: Steven Seagal. Watch the full stand up comedy special “Completely Normal” on Netflix. tomsegura.com/
He’s like *anyone* who can’t laugh at themselves …but says they love comedy. 👤 So a white guy and _(lists 10 offensive stereotypes)_ go out to eat… 🥋🗯️ _That’s TOTALLY how they are❗️_ 👤🗯️ And they run into this fat guy … who looks like modern day Steven Seagal! 🥋🗯️ Get your stuff, we’re leaving. _This guy isn’t funny…._ *He’s offensive.* I’ll call my fellow officers and a gang of Asians and we’ll see if he ever tells that joke again.
DavidGX, I hope you give permission for Tom Segura to use your joke because it's hilarious and funnier than anything Tom just said. Thank you for the laugh.
Steven is the best actor since the 1880s. He literally never stops acting. Acting like he knows martial arts, directing, geopolitical situations, music and so much more. Seagal just can’t lose or die, or stand up. What an exceptional man.
The fact that Anderson Silva calls Steven Seagal his sensei and Seagal has 100% bought into it for over 10 years without being in on the joke whatsoever tells you everything you need to know about Steven Seagal.
This isn’t very true, it’s well known in mma that he was paying Silva to be apart of his camp it was was 1 camp he’s been to a few other fights since. There is a old interview on Anderson talking about him paying to be apart of the camp.
somebody made a spoof steven seagal movie where they used cgi to add him in. in all the fight scenes they had him rolling around on an office chair with a handgun lol.
The best story I heard was about a guy who played a priest that he kills in one of his movies. He said the first day on set the director approached him and said that Steven had a “spiritual awakening” and didn’t want to kill people in his movies anymore. This guy had to convince Steven that he was doing the character a favor by killing him, and it worked. Then down the line Steven started ad-libbing lines in about how he was glad he didn’t kill that priest, and they had to have him come back to record another line to show he was still alive.
Steven Seagal arranged for an interview, for himself, upon Brandon Lee's death. He proceeded to tell a camera crew that the folks on the set of the movie Brandon was filming called him before they called any medical professionals when the accident happened... and then told him he was amazing (while calling him 'master') for "somehow knowing" the gun had real bullets loaded. Seriously, go watch the interview. It wasn't about the tragedy of the situation, or an ode to Brandon, or condolences for the Lee family; nope...just to talk about how amazing he himself is. He once claimed Van Damme was a "champion of nothing." Despite JCVD's known 19-2 record in full-contact tournaments prior to breaking into movies (both losses of which, he avenged). Van Damme then challenged Seagal to an MMA style fight in response to those comments, or at least one in the fashion of professional kickboxing with gloves and headgear. Steven declined. People used to say that the black-and-white footage of Seagal at an Aikido dojo in Japan was proof of his greatness, because these old Japanese guys were bowing to him. Except...it's a requirement in that martial art and in that culture to bow to anyone who is a teacher. Seagal only "earned" the title because he married the daughter of a guy who was the owner of the dojo, not because he was a great student. Steven Seagal is a legend in his own mind.
I used to think his movies were funny until I realised they were supposed to be serious. Him trying to be half Jesus, half Bruce Lee was… peculiar. On a positive note, he’s the only person who could make Sylvester Stallone look clever.
No you didn't. I mean the man's a loon for sure but you can't pretend you watched his 90's output thinking they were spoofs. Did you also think Naked Gun was a documentary?
@@TheGhostbusterfan I think he made it in the early 90's. Wished he would have stopped the "faking it" part then. Since then, he's lost the "made it" part.
He’s certainly a lot more funnier at least what happened to him all the Selena surrounding him there’s a lot more funny than this character that’s for sure
It was just Tom Segura watching cops and seeing Segal there one day and thought: "Hey I don't even need to come up with a joke, Segal just goes someplace opens his mouth and hilarity ensues.
When will modern day comedians LEARN that saying the F word doesn't make a joke any better. It OFTEN makes it less funny. This whole bit could have been a lot funnier if he took the F word out and used other words. Using the F word is just a lazy persons way.
He was probably talking about the UH-1 "Huey". Which surprisingly isn't a BS story. I'm not trying to fact check a joke, just pointing out the source of it, and how it is more or less true.
Fun fact: Seagal once picked a fight with another martial artist on some movie set, who promptly choked him out. He then shit his pants while passed out. He still denies this.
Lebell, the god of Jiu-jitsu. He once pissed off JCVD at a party trying to humiliate him in front of the others, Van Dam called him out for a real fight outside of the house, he started smiling and saying he was just joking, fakedo man.
@@engineeringforlife1367 JCVD is a beast though… Division: Middleweight Style: Karate, Kickboxing, Muay Thai, Taekwondo Rank: 2nd Dan Black Belt in Shotokan Karate Years active: 1976-1982 (martial arts), 1979-present (acting) Kickboxing Record: 19-1. 18 wins by KO Amateur record: 44-4 Stallone said Seagal was running his mouth at JCVD’s house during a party. JCVD told Seagal to meet him out in the backyard. Seagal decided to leave the party and went to a club. JCVD followed him there and confronted him again. Seagal ran away again.
Can we just take the time to appreciate the amount of good, charitable work Steven Seagal does? Kindly making a buffoon of himslef for the last 30 years, in order to give the world all these hilarious examples of his awesomeness!!!
HONESTLY, few years back Steven Seagal moved into our neighborhood in Southern California. The house he purchased was just down the street from the city dump in Santa Barbara County.. Once he moved in, he began complaining about trash trucks running up and down the street. This city dump it's been there for over 50 years. Thats the mentality of Steven Seagal. We were very happy when we discovered he moved out of town.
NONSENSE! He knows exactly what he's talking about and you're just shitposting. I should know, I've been shitposting in youtube comments for the last 160 years. I was the first one to shitpost on CNN's report on the assassination of Lincoln when it was recent news. In fact, I was there when he died. His last words were to me, he said, "don't believe everything you see on the internet. Also I hope it's not too late to unfree those slaves, let everyone know that was my last request."
Steven Seagal: Lawman was something else. My fave moment was when he got a couple Dobermans and was like “I’m Buddhist so I can’t kill anyone, but my dogs can”.
Seagal's mother-in-law watching Mongolian daytime soap operas on the couch in our reception area will forever remain the most bizarre thing in my life.
@@randefriedman7307 Not that much to tell tbh. I used to work at a school in Moscow where his kid went. It was mostly the grandma who'd come to pick the kid up (occasionally passing the time on the couch in the aforementioned way). But there was also that one time when Himself decided to attend a soccer practice. All the other dads there who presumably grew up around late 80s to mid 90s JUST. WENT. APESHIT. He was visibly frustrated by all the fuss but maybe also secretly happy.
Lol All of you Steven Seagal haters can laugh and hate on Seagal as much as you want.... but the fact is that he's a legit Martial Artist. He's a master in Aikido and has learned a little of other styles as well.
@@OscarOffTheCuff I like the way Tom delivers that line. The line itself is good, but nothing special. It's the way he says it that gets me every time :)
That's some crap that Steven would say for sure. "You know, it was really ME who took out half of the Vietcong in Vietnam. The other soldiers were there just to watch me."
Well, i live in a small Russian town, and today i saw Steven Segal on a political advertisement pamphlet in my elevator, endorsing a local small time polititian. It says "I trust Michail". And i am not even making this up. After moving to Russia, he went downhill fast.
It's crazy to think that anyone could just fly to a small russian village, get drunk and get in a fight and there is a CHANCE Steven Segal will arrest you.
This is the best bit I’ve ever seen or heard in my life. I’ve been watching Tom Segura for about 6 minutes and he’s officially the funniest person alive. I know this because I’ve been watching Tom Segura for 67 years.
They rely on guns because you do hand to hand combat only if you have no other choice. Hand to hand combat WILL get you injured. You use it when it's the only thing standing between you and death.
@@RetiredRhetoricalWarhorse ...We're talking about COPS, you daft idjit. Not soldiers. COPS. COPS are supposed to observe the same rules for minimum use of force and not escalating things as the rest of us. And for the record, SOLDIERS are ALSO expected to show restraint and not simply fire all willy nilly.
It's like a Ted Kennedy drivers school, a tall mens store featuring Jerry Nadler. A happiness store opened by Whoopi goldberg, joy behar and maxine waters
Steven Seagal is unanimously the most talented actor, the most deadly martial artist, and one of the top two handsome person ever to walk the earth, just ask him 😂😵💫
He taught Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida how to raise one leg in the air in a straight line starting with the knee and snapping it at the end. He named his patented move the “front kick.” Legendary
Also 85% of the movie won't feature him, and the few shots that do are him in a room talking military/espionage jargon with the same 4 people, or holding a gun/glacially fighting a strung-out methadone patient.
Say what you will about Seagal-but truth is the man's a genius. He's the only person who single-handedly made pure Comedy and managed to somehow get all of it approved for the Action Film Genre.
Entire bit is gold - for me, though, its the very subtle, yet masterfully executed impression of Stallone. *knock knock knock* "'Ey buddy roll it down".
Segal made a war movie where he strategically playing the role of the group sniper. "Strategically" because in the movie, all the other guys ran around a town while Segal sat, looking out a balcony window the majority of the movie. When he did have to get up and move, the extent of that movement was to the next window over, which was about 7 feet away.
Worst than that is the fact that the original script was different, but once they started doing the movie the director realized that Steven is so fat and lazy to move or even learn his lines. So for most of the film he's sit and quiet. So we are in the point that he's doing movies that only require him to breathe in front of a camera.
I'm more amused by the legions of people who can't spell his name, despite the facts that 1. he's been world-famous for decades, and 2. it's spelled correctly in the title of the video upon which they are commenting.
@@siler7 I'm gonna agree with David Gangemi. Why do I have to spell the weird sea gulls name correctly? Tis a freakin' bird - and not a majestic one at that. Gulls are disgusting, they are just... dirty water rats with wings...
I thought he had that one "Triple Bypass" first. The highway worker triplets that have to open a closed road...hope the theater isn't too congested. This one is supposed to get the veins pumping I hear.
There's a Chuck Norris joke that goes: Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down. The Steven Seagal version: Steven Seagal doesn't do push-ups.
Tom Segura version: those stupid fucking Republicans! *runs out of breath * if those idiots would just do everything cnn tells them to do I wouldn't have to do pushups (Ps it's a joke... I know Tom Segura can't do pushups)
