I feel this post is mostly about the toxic mothers, who will stand by their children. Regardless of how terribly he treats his mother or his woman. I feel his mother has raised this man to treat any toxic woman like gold. Because she is toxic. And she won't intervene when a toxic woman is in his life. She will stay far away, because her herself is toxic.... ...and she doesn't want to compete. But she will still encourage her son to stay in toxic shit..bc she will always treat him better. Only bc mama chooses to. But any good woman who comes into his life.... She will pretend to be your best friend. She will tell you her son is wrong in his actions. But she will never tell her son he is treating you wrong. Even when you adorn the physical and emotional scars. She will tell you to leave him. That his exes meant more. But FFS.... We have to know the red flags of these situations prior.
I am a mother of three. But I will never manipulate my children to think that people who hurt you....might love or like you. I will never teach my children that they should hurt someone back, even if they hurt you. (Unless it is true self-defense) I absolutely would NEVER brainwash my children to feel that romantic relationships have ANYTHING to do with mother/son/daughter/family relationships. It isn't a contest. And anyone who loves you....regardless of if they are your partner/family/friend.... Will love you unconditionally Conditional love doesn't exist. You either love someone, or you don't. Conditional infatuation/interest, however, does exist.
NOT TRUE !!! BECAUSE IF CONDITIONAL LOVE EXIST THEN GOD WOULDN’T LOVE US WHEN WE’RE NOT DOING OR BEING WHAT AND WHO HE CREATED US TO DO AND BE…PERIOD ! THERE ARE CONDITIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS BUT NOT CONDITIONAL LOVE…YOU DONT LOVE PEOPLE WITH CONDITIONS…YOU EITHER LOVE THEM OR YOU DONT…
@@theythinkidontknow1975 So, do you love every man like you love your husband? If not, what’s the condition that’s different? He’s your husband? Would you leave your child and run to get a stranger’s child out of harm’s way? Maybe? Would you give another child a life vest in an emergency before you gave your child one? Do you love ever child like your own? If not, what’s the condition that makes your child different from other children? You love the child you gave birthed. Most people “love” everybody’s child until their own child is in need.
We really have to go back and heal those childhood wounds so that we don’t pass them down to our own kids. No one is responsible for healing that but ourselves. It’s tough but worth it
When a man shows you love, care and respect, answer the same back. When he shows you the opposite, answer with boundaries and standards. One of the mistakes women make is thinking the more they put up with, forgive and accept, the more a man will appreciate, value them and realize he has a "ride or die". Unfortunately it's the opposite, so when you notice inappropriate behaviour, don't push with more love hoping it will mend the situation, but pump the brakes and show you respect yourself, your standards and values because who wants to remain in your life will rise up to meet them.
“Deep down, every male wants to become a man But if you won’t hold a man accountable, he will be a grown boy” Ladies, it’s all up to us! We can’t control others but we can certainly teach others how to properly treat us and if they can’t, we need to be secure enough to walk away from them and never look back!
I wish I’d read this two years ago, but now that I think about it, I probably would have just read it and did what I was going to do anyways. Growth is beautiful.
Ladies : He has to like you more than you like him. This is the only piece of advice you’ll ever need. Save “love” for children and your actual family.
Men know what they’re doing. Stop letting a man make you think that he needs your help or can’t do something without you. You will get taken advantage of. This is why I coach, write books and make RU-vid videos. Another great video Tony.
Messing with a grown boy is still a gamble even if you whip him into shape i've noticed. When they get it together they have the option to leave and find a woman they deem better or become resentful.
Mmmhh interesting. When he want you. He want you. I’m guessing if there is tooooo much whipping into shape he doesn’t.... Mrs. Gaskins only had to get her belt twice.
The man I wanted got my belt once, but didn't listen. I married someone who wasn't a project and was grown. By the way Toni/Sheri were young and wise. The guy I am referring to was 27. That is past the mark of stuck in your ways.
"You have the POWER, if you get off ya back and CLOSE your legs and stop putting up with his grown boy behavior, he have NO choice but to step up in your life or to STEP OUT of your life, and make room for a REAL MAN who willing to STEP UP!" TG- Drop the Mic... ThaYt WHOLE PART!
TONY, YOU’RE TALKING RIGHT. You didn’t say NOTHING that’s not happening right now. This thing has GOT to be turned around. We woman, MUST stop dealing with these men. It’s sad that some women would rather be abused by a grown boy, than be alone for a season. LORD HELP US.
I held my ex-husband accountable and he just went and found himself someone easy that would do the things i refused to do because of my morals. Tony is 10000% right about EVERYTHING he said in this video. Well said 👏
Stop giving too much of yourself. That happened to my 20 year old daughter. She’s his mother hen and he’s her chick. She does everything for him. I told her so but she did it anyway. I just hope she learns before it’s too late. You can be a good Christian example which I am and they still can go astray. And some Man Of Godtt! are some of the worst men you could ever meet. They know what they can get away with too. Love yourself. It’s no one else’s responsibility to do so.
I have. It didn’t matter. She knows. That’s why Tony has to keep talking until we all get it. I told her the exact same thing that Tony said along time ago: “ You are his mother that he’s sleeping with”. School of hard knocks is coming for her I hate to say.
20 is the time when a young lady should be enjoying her life and freedom not tied down to some fool...nobody at that young age should be in a relationship.
Amen to that, an I agree I grow up in church that is were you find the most horrible men on planet Earth counting from the poster to the deacons it's just terrible
He sounds like a religious narc that prolly uses biblical scriptures as a weapon to marginalize and control women. Been there, done that, he almost killed me (hands off), still healing. Even if he’s not a narc, he alsounds dangerous as alluded to. I haven’t talked to her but he is probably filling some major holes in her psyche that have been their for a while. These men operate well in shame or guilt. She probably thinks she’s met her “soulmate.” If I was in your position, I would pray, fast, and try to get her to speak to a “professional” counselor. Maybe they can slowly unravel some issues and maybe she will believe them due to them being “professional.” Oh and their may be some codependency issues. Blessings.
I am beginning to truly believe that a man has to love and fear god to be a faithful man. Even for the women who whips him into shape.. the majority it will not stick without having a god fearing man.
“As long as he has them set of legs to dive in that allows his grown boy and he refuses to grow up, then he will be stuck with mediocrity” - Tony Gaskins (another video) I love myself too much to stoop down to a grown boys level - that’s why I’m single. But I’d rather be single than be in bad company.
TONY!!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!! This is exactly what is going on in the black community RIGHT NOW!!!! Black men don't want to date you, they just want to sleep with you, chill, want you to loan them $5 for gas, and then dump you when they're done and come back later on when they need attention again. I have NOT slept with a man all year long because of your advice, and I have been EMOTIONALLY STABLE EVER SINCE! You are a Godsend for black women! I am so so very grateful to you!
Another thing I am seeing right now is girlfriends taking care of the mans kids he had with his ex. Like, why don’t you let him have his time with his kids that he only sees on weekends? Are these women trying to get this mans approval? I don’t understand.
Many males look for a babysitter they can sleep with. Even if it's just for the weekend. I don't trust a dude who introduces his kids early in the conversations. Besides if the kids are under 18, I don't deal. Your kids must be at least 18 for me to talk to you. That's a preference. No single fathers unless the mom is dead.
I’m 30 on Monday. No more entertaining confused boys , boys who have an indistinct vision for the future, boys who smoke and drink habitually, boys looking for a mother , boys looking just for sex, emotionally distant boys, boys desperate not to be lonely, boys who think they can push my virginity limits. Anyone else want to add to this list? Lol.
I'm here to learn. Thanks brother Tony. Edited: I learned from my brothers playing around to never settle, keep my legs close until marriage. My ex husband mom used to get upset with me when I used to hold her son accountable. I took your advice and have been working on my 3 B's since my divorce last year. Watching your videos has taught me discernment and it opened my eyes to not get tricks/deceived by the devil when it comes to a grown boy. I met one last year and because he was lustful, I told him that was a deal breaker for me and he went off.
Yep lots of men are lustful! We must dress modest as well too and don't tempt him as well and he will be accountable for himself if continues to.pressure you then yes he just wants sex.
He gave it to us straight cut throat, no sugar coated mess today. Let me listen to this a COUPLE of times. I got so caught up praying for a man of God, I almost forgot he is still a human and wont be perfect, its up to me what I will accept and stand for in my next relationship. Thankyou for telling me the truth, so I wont be in fantasy land anymore. I realized I went through so much nonsense in my past relationships because I didn't love myself and after I realized that, I stopped putting all the blame on them and took accountability for some of the things because I'm the one that allowed them to keep coming back to do me dirty. I want to be the best role model for my son so I refuse to allow any mess to be around him anymore. If I want better for me and him, I have to do better and make standards and boundaries for myself. I needed to hear this message, thank you always.
Don't feel bad. He knows u care. I had to stop myself mothering my ex when he was washing his only white shirt every night to attend a training programme. My initial reaction was to go out and buy him a shirt! I had a revelation "am i his mother or his girlfriend"? He washed the shirt everyday till he was done with that programme!
I am scared for my daughter...these parents let the kids raise themselves sometimes and all they see is bad examples especially the ones that smoke weed and think it’s ok??? When did this become ok to do with your child or in front of your child?? Mothers with boyfriends coming in and out of the house. Lord Jesus 🙏🏼My daughter is 19 and I’m praying a good man finds her.
Ugh I wish @RU-vid would give the option to have videos with translated captions. So many women I know (Brazilian) whom NEED to listen to this advice would be able to. Women sit and complain about men when in reality THEY are the catalyst to their own misfortune!!!
But you have your integrity. Worth more than fake Facebook pics or being jealous of someone else's blessing and gift from God. And not every super gift is a relationship. Jepthas daughter still had a fulfilled life.
Had to watch this 3 times. Thanks Uncle Tony. This was definitely me, all at the tender age of 20, 21, 22, and 23. Now I'm 24 and finally learned my lesson. Life keeps teaching you the same lesson till you finally get it. I appreciate you spelling this out for us ladies. Yes we are caregivers by nature, but these grown boys will take advantage of that. Keep your eyes open and your legs closed ladies. Thanks blessed tribe 🙏🏽❤
His mother puts me down in front of him. (She is always "joking", conveniently enough..) But she never intervened when he was getting abused by his exes. He allows it. And now, BECAUSE I won't hurt him back...He treats me the worst than he ever has anyone. And he always separates him & his mother from the entire world. I'm fucking done.
I absolutely agree. I have felt like I was in competition with his mother....for over two years. I hopes the behaviors, on both ends, would get better....the more I had proved myself. Never has, never will. And I refuse to let our daughter grow up in an environment where her mother is consistently put down by both her father & her father's mother (paternal grandmother). Families should support eachother. They should help eachother grow. NOT ostracize those who "arent blood". His mother purposely enables him, just so SHE has a purpose. But she doesn't see that in glorifying herself and her toxic behaviors..... She has passed that down to her son. Who has taken it out any actual GOOD FEMALE in his life. This isn't my problem anymore. UNLESS I continue to tolerate it. But with a baby in the mix..... (I also have two children from a previous 14 year relationship, who aren't allowed near my partner or his mother)....I can't abandon ANY of my children. And I have to protect the one who IS exposed to these types of people. I just wish I protected myself, before I had a child with him. Unfortunately, he didn't truly expose himself, nor did his mother, until after I was already pregnant.
@@angelnebula8278 It makes me sick truly.... How much they enable eachother. How much disrespect they allow towards others. But won't ever disrespect the other. They get off on making others feel small....but also make sure everyone knows no one will ever be as good as them both. They are doomed. And my future...and our daughters future would be too, if I didn't leave. Me and her would've continued to be scapegoats/punching bags for them.
Man if I don’t go no where else to get the truth… Tony gunna tell it 😅😅😅… Listen Tony don’t PLAY no more … It’s time …like yesterday time…I’m so ready to grow into these 30s with the Truth … Thank you Tony & bless you an Mrs.Gaskin Family !!!
Tony, man, I see you headed to the top of the 3 AM comic club list. I have not had a belly howl since the last time you had me laughing my head off. Listen brother, you are all the way right. I am a 71 year old Black woman. Even now, I cannot tell you how many grown mamma boys keep them little 14 year old, funki, giants. My girls just say, " I'm always here for my boy son." I get sick to my stomach at what some of these mothers do for these sorry, 30, 50, 60 year old users, abusers and no goods. Don't let me keep saying to much. I have someone close to me like that. Trust me, not my fault. Some women daughters are guilty.
I know you're absolutely telling the truth...about the relationship between mothers and their children, especially sons. They don't want them to suffer from their mistakes..which makes them grow up..mature into becoming a man..a woman desires...not a boy.
Tony - ✝️ Just watched "Stop Being His Mom." Posted a testimony earlier today of receiving my soulmate! "My Grown Man." Had to tell him 6 months into the relationship..TO SHAPE-UP OR SHIP-OUT! Tony...Please, Stay with your three messages: 1) He Don't Want You. 2) Why Do Men Push, etc 3) Stop Being His Mom. Bless you & your wife with your Divine Calling! Luke 4:18. Evg. Dian Blessed Tribe ❤
Yesss .... I agree!!!! A real man can do all things for himself including cooking, laundry ..... watching children ..... I have been saying this a lot but people think that I am too much ..... God bless you .
Preach Brother! I'm going to take your course! I have been telling WOMEN they are the backbone for YEARS! They say I'm to hard on men! I'm with myself happy-go-lucky!!! When he finds me, I'm ready! I will not settle for less than what God has for me! Ladies throw the frogs back in the pond!!! A king is much more suitable for a QUEEN!
This is the painful truth… I did EVERYTHING wrong when it comes to a man b/c I saw my grandmother, mother, aunties do it.I have a 10 yr old little girl, and now I’m breaking the cycle. I deserve the absolute best.
I love that you always hold everyone accountable. If everyone would hold themselves accountable, instead of saying “what about he/she?” then, things might actually change.
🙏🏽❤ Ladies, with GOD'S help, Let's hold each other accountable. WE have to be willing to put GOD first, to set boundaries, and to walk away. After all, 🗣WE ARE THE PRIZE! 💯 🗣WE ARE THE BACKBONES 💯
This video is golden! I need a part 2! Keep telling the truth Tony. And ladies stop comparing your situation to Sheri, Sheri knew she was a Queen. What's your excuse for allowing the disrespect? Let that sit with you now. "You're an enabler" "You're a crutch" "You're a hold me down" ~Tony
Welcome baack TONY from your Jamaica vacation !! 🔙 Soooo good to have you back teaching with impact again !! 💯👍💯 Grown Boys constantly recycle among women (who did not hold them accountable) prey on them as their on-going supply!! They are back NOT because they want to love you well, they are back to take and drain more out of and from you (as you allow them) and then leave you emptied again & again 😑🙄 "I can talk till I am blue in the face, nothing is gonna change, if you keep getting onto your back for him" - TG ☑️😁☑️ 🚫 STOP 🚫 Don't be the hold-me-down woman for these grown boys 💯😒💯 *It ain't worth it of your time, effort and energy - eveeeer* Keep holding up your standards, boundaries and strict bottomline - no matter what ☑️😎☑️
Yes tony! I’m happy your giving it to us cut and dry. Tough love! No need to sugar coat the truth especially if you’re constantly being asked the same questions daily. It gets old. Ladies we WILL know when a man is for us when we don’t have to settle in anyway!!!
I can‘t express how much I love your channel and how much it has helped me understand love and relationships. I enjoyed this video and personally, I would love to see more videos like this in the future! Especially the grown boy university (also grown girl) was extremely helpful. I would love to see more content about that. Tony, you‘re my biggest blessing for years now🙏🏻Thank You.
This message is strong. It definitely made me feel uncomfortable and convicted but I made it to the end of it. It’s a hard truth, we are the corner stone and as long as we accept bad treatment that is just what we will get. Thank you for helping us understand how to move and identify grown boys! ☺️
Tony your so right! Thank you so much for speaking on this! You have no idea how much this means to woman that get to hear this from a man that actually telling the truth! Also listening to you make me realize I’m actually doing what I supposed to do as a woman that got cheated on! Don’t matter what he saids about me! I know my actions were on point and I’m blessed that god got me out of this difficult situation and now I’m heading to a bright future! Thanks again for all you videos! They help me so much! I appreciate you and your wife and the example you both set for others in this world! God bless you and your family! ❤️❤️❤️😇😇😇
This is the sad reality, but needed to be said! So many dysfunctional families n r community! The children continue to suffer n repeat the dysfunction!
Thank You tony Gaskins, you are so funny imitating a woman!😂 You are so right about these grown boys! When women don't set standards in their relationship, grown boys keep doing the same things over and over again! Always saying they are sorry for disrespecting you! If we leave the grown boys they will step up and earn and know your worth! 😊
