Stop Chasing Love And Relationships & Instead Do This! 

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"The most toxic relationship pattern is chasing people you're not meant to be with" FIRE

Humanity being perplexed by relationship dynamics for centuries, meanwhile my boy Julien sums it all up in one sentence: "We tend to feel attraction to people who embody what we disown within ourselves and we believe that by being with that person we can re-own those aspects." Way to take away the magic, Julien :D

"We maybe unconsciously think we will regain those traits by being with them". Key quote here

To chase or not to chase. Sometimes chasing is necessary and sometimes it is not. Sometimes playing the active role (chasing) is more effective to get you what you want than the passive role. In a world where most people are passive, the chaser is the one-eyed king. The only rule for chasing is don't chase a chicken. Only chase what seems attainable, what wants to be chased. Have a keen sense of indications of interest.

This was very insightful! I think a big part of the problem with most of us guys is that when we see someone we’re physically attracted to, we tend to force compatibilities and common interests with them when truthfully we don’t care about that person’s values. We just wanna “get with them” because our ego stands in the way of all that. I’ve been guilty of this for many years. Now when I’m conversing with a 9 or 10 level attractive woman, I won’t pursue or show interest in her if we’re not compatible all because she’s a bombshell. That’s how you wind up shooting yourself in the balls. It’s quite pathetic and ridiculous when you think about it.

I have always been fearless in my authenticity, but the mistake I made was taking those dismissals and lack of resonance personally. I thought I had been the problem for the longest time when, in truth, I was simply chasing people that didn't fit into my lifestyle. I had held a scarcity mindset which greatly exaggerated this problematic cycle. I spent the last two years removing these patterns and, in turn, have learned genuine inner happiness. When I come across content like yours, it reassures me of the path I'm on. Thank you for all that you do brother!

My brother went out "like a beggar" and now he's been happily married for years. Hard not to disagree.

I came across your videos last night, and when you started to explain how we grow up disowning parts of our personality, it hit me like a brick wall, man. You're a saint for putting this stuff out for free, I haven't been able to stop watching your content because it's all extremely valuable stuff.

It’s crazy that you posted this video just at the right timing of my life!! Thank you Julien! 🙏🏻

My first relationship just came to an end and I figured out all that stuff you talked about in the video by myself over the course of our year together - which is ultimately everything that went wrong. My partner didnt understanding anything about that at all. He was happy the way he is (very stall life, unhappy and stressed basically all the time, didnt want to solve problems, didnt want to communicate, didnt want to open up and on top of that all, he questioned in what way all the stuff I mentioned is helpful for our relationship. Most of my friends and family told me I'm demanding too much and I'm exaggerating my point so I was very unsure whether I was the problem or my way of investing into a relationship seems wrong. You just told me everything I needed to hear to get back my confidence in the values I need in a relationship and what partner to look out for. I was on the right track for a happy and healthy relationship, I just picked the worst partner ever. I'm sooo happy for this 'bad' and painful experience and so proud that I figured that out by myself. Thank you!

I'm so glad you said their parents relationship and their relationships with their parents. I think so many people avoid this one because of how often people in modern society have tumultuous parental backgrounds. Do not ignore this. There are very very few people who come out of a chaotic childhood unscathed.

This came in at the perfect time I’ve been crafting my avatar recently. I hope I can find someone who’s outgoing and nurturing like myself. Nobody is perfect but it’s the potential. I’m tired of settling for toxic relationships.

Not making my happyness dependent on someone else! Being happy with myself - thats a lesson I learned and still learning

This helped so much literally every word. Me and my girlfriend are at the triggering stage. We are going to have a talk tomorrow after 2 weeks apart due to work. Wish us luck

I was mindblowed by your explanation of codependent-narcissists attraction correlationship, and by your explanations of what we search in the other that we disowned in ourselves… you truly speaks the truth. It’s really enlightening

I love reading through the comments because there is so much golden nuggets and wisdom from other! You All Rock! 💖✌️

im always nervous when i feel like a person im dating is someone i feel is promising as a partner or I'm simply curious in the person as more-than-a-friend. I try to be authentic and myself but I get extra-insecure and often ask about every little thing almost that im gonna do like i need their permission of everything (if im in their home). I think something is wrong with me. I tremble a bit generally but i think it tends to get worse when i date. I really wish to find a partner and i think this video can help me with continue to shape my "avatar" that i am looking for. I think nurturing was a very beautiful word that resounded in what im looking for. Someone safe, nurturing and who likes spending time in nature and also is okay with working out for example. Stuff like that. SO nice video!

I took your mentoring about 6 months ago. i have been applying the letting go technique and recently had quite a profound release over a relationship that ended over 10 years ago. I think this girl truly loved me, but i gave it up to focus on "width" over "depth". i don't regret it cos i enjoyed the whole pua journey etc, but i must have got a bit lost somewhere along the way cos i haven't had a long term relationship since. But i know i will sort it out, i'm v grateful for taking the course too. I never would have thought that focusing on sensations/releases etc would be so transformative

Julien, I just want to say thank you. I have been following you for a long time now but this video spoke to me more than the usual. I recently got out of a 5 year long relationship and it hurts. We still love each other but it’s not working out. I really enjoy the long format videos and happy you don’t gate keep information behind a pay wall.

Every word so nuanced and in place! References to films, books, examples of how to take action. Thank you!

The trajectory point was very relatable and greatly impacted my last relationship...

I realise how much work i have to do... currently broke up from a relationship and i feel like i was the one needing to work on myself the most. thx

I'm trying to reconcile this with Tony Robbins' "fix yourself first" advice

One the things I’ve heard from others. When someone says, ‘This is who I am. Take me or leave me. I am not going to change.’…I found this is really don’t have anything to do with others wanting to change others, but it is really a excuse for their behaviour to act like narcissistic and hurting others. These people want to work on themselves.

I am so amazed this young guy is so mature and has wisdom old people don’t have. is he real or is this AI already? Does he only preach or live by his own wisdom?

How do you know if someone is meant to be with you?

I just thought I'd share this coz (well, I don't know, I just felt like I wanted to share it like.) Traits of my ideal partner (preferably a brunette but I don't mind either way) *A girl who has a nice energy - they're just nice and kind, got a good energy, and just nice to be around. *Someone who values good traits in a person - because then when somebody appreciates the good in you, they make you want to give them more (because they won't get that thing where the grass is greener on the other side all the time). *A girl who is kind, but someone who isn't an idiot for people - because they give their kindness to the right people. *Someone who I can have a laugh with and have fun with - someone who brings out that best side in me who makes me want to be my best fun self as well. *Someone who would stand by those who she loves and cares about - such a girl is diamond and she should be treated as such and treasured because she puts into you a special thing what a lot of other girls aren't gonna put into you, and she's the last person who deserves to be hurt. *Someone who is loyal because that trait genuinely comes from her - not where it only comes from her being manipulated to do it. *A girl who wants to please me in bed but someone who I can please in bed as well - it's a connection, even if we're just fooling about together at times, it our thing. *Someone who will value what I say when I'm talking sense but be able to lovingly tell me if I'm wrong as well - some people only respect those who don't respect them, so someone who respects you BECAUSE you respect them. *Someone who I could make them feel special - a strong enough girl if she needs to be but with a tender heart. *Someone who tells the truth - you can protect yourself from the thief, but you can't protect yourself from the liar. I can't figure out how I'd attract it but this is a start...

He was right in saying try harder after 90 day period don't keep honey moon phase think next time be so much better

Wow finding Julien on RU-vid 10 years later. This has to be one of the craziest character arcs I’ve ever seen

Great video , adversity definitely is needed for growth or in any sort or relationship, if one cannot meet at the same level of experience the gap as you said is created , Ive noticed this but never was able to put it into words. Thanks for all the great content over the last few years.

This was the lesson of my life. Thank you.

ultimately are we not looking to find a completeness of the self? relationships provide growth and can facilitate healing. spiritually though we are already whole within ourselves. we come here alone, we leave alone !?

Although I do feel as though I'm in that teenager mentality, the relationship I'm pursuing is less of that "I wanna date that popular, pretty, type!" ideal and more of an "I want to find someone who could be my lifelong best friend: a forever friend" ideal 😅

Yes never a good thing. You must let things flow and let the universe take over.

How do I let go and stop being anxious in social settings?

I did all of that, looked for the right person based on all that criteria. on paper, she really seemed great for me. but it still didn't work out. It's been a hard one to get over. I put aside some of the more superficial qualities that I'd previously looked for. Thought I'd go for it since she really liked me (originally), and she checked all those boxes.

This one hit me hard. And revealed something about how I see my roommate.

Great video Julien! Thank you for doing what you do!

You changed me bro. I love you ❤

Everything I'm going through ur videos pop up on my time line I love this

Please write the two books you've mentioned in the video description. Rewinding is not a user friendly way of getting this information

I personally think relationships are built, not found, virtually by definition. They're reciprocal and conforming. Don't chase by any means, the person who's willing to build will make time and effort. Especially as a Man. Women who dont want you will not entertain you or think about you, get rid.

If u want someone,go ahead and chase the Lady, it's definitely a tip from someone with experience

Such a collection of good advice, for free. May God bless you so much and give you 10x back for all the good you're doing Julien! Thank you!

I have never had a relationship and don't know what I want. what do I do, Julien?

Such good grounded solid advises . Love them.

Yes, and I add a women I was dating start to tell me what her ideal man was and when we were going to be moved in together within 12 months. No thank you. I'll let them know when I am ready for the person, avatar, that I am interested in.

I definitely needed this!

Love your videos!! I just wonder whats the story is behind ur Gucci Tshirt?

I was attracted (and still am) to someone on the same side of this narcisism scale... but her attraction died for me. Maybe I should've been more of a narcissist. 😖

I don't mind a woman seeing my place messy but her seeing coffee stains on the bathroom floor and walls is probably not the best opener. I should start taking the tube out while I'm in the tub, or in front of a canvas hahaha. "I'm a bit of an artist. This one is called ass coffee #73. I was in a dark place when I made this. Incidentally that's actually why I missed most the canvas. Hey, where are you going?"

Learn how to argue, learn how to fight!

Thanks for posting another video

This was good. Thank you. Enjoyed listening to it.

I think I’m in an anxious/avoidant relationship and I’m wondering if I (the anxiously attached) am love addicted. My avoidant is in the current cycle of withdrawing and I’m trying extremely hard to focus on what about all that is triggering my overthinking. We’ve been in the cycle of closeness and separating for over a decade. She hates hurting me and I hate feeling like my need for that Velcro level closeness is what triggers her flight response. I don’t even know if there’s a question or comment here. I’m a fucking mess and I’m learning about myself as much as I can so I can become more secure but dammit I feel like more of a mess than ever.

Fantastic videos you make

My biggest issue is that i still don't really know who i am my personality is kinda blurry

I truely belive that being opposite and attaracted to someone different to is isn't necessarily nonsense.

Much needed video exactly this moment i need

What amazes me is that most people still don’t understand what it means when someone says I’m not ready yet to be in a relationship. What they’re saying is I’m not ready to be me, not ready to open up, not ready to be vulnerable, not ready to be loved and to love has very little to do with the ex partner although that does play a part too but guess what your partner will always be in your head always, especially if there are kids involved

More value in this one video than every Fresh and Fit episode combined.

Great one.

I like this guy because it's like someone just grabbed a drunk off the street after a breakup and told him to give relationship advice and he actually did really well.🎉❤😂

Can someone explain me from 20:28 till the end. What does that mean? "Learn how to argue, learn how to fight". Argument style, parameters, crucial conversations... is there any video where Julian speaks about this specific stuff? Link me please.

I’m chasing someone who i think, want’s nothing to do with me…. help!

great video thanks

Okay let's start: - Into Motorcycling - Into Music (Singer) - Self-sustained in as much areas as possible. Financially, Emotionally, Spiritually. - Not obsessed with getting married or following traditional templates - Doesn't want children. - Open to alternative relationship styles, but also not obsessed with one specific. - Ease of life mentality (We are all going to die anyway, so who gives a f**) - Sharing my sexual preferences, of course. - Open to investigating the mystery of life (spirituality, near-death experiences, etc.) - Focused on self-reflection and self-love. - Critical (Wise enough to debunk romanticism and hollywood lovestories as unrealistic BS) - Apolitical (Seeing behind the bullshit of this material plane, and its never-ending polarity games (Left/Right, Men/Women, etc.etc.) - Into sports (Jogging with me and doing other activities). I know that's a tough one.

I LOVE THIS GUY💗JULIEN THANK YOU💗🦋

This is all gold

Great, just watched it for a second time!

insanely valuable

If only I had these videos when I was a teen...it would have saved me from making a fool out of myself...

problem...no one

Please elaborate how a person will upgrade himself out of love. Please elaborate

Talk about how to find your significant other! Your ride or die!

Well I don't want anyone who is perfect like my avatar I chase to begin with. Of course the authentic part is real but I want to see someone for what he is and this method could really backfire. Humans are different and you can be with different people. Not all but certainly different ones.

I made a list , long one, of characteristics and he showed up

The right person will do the right things, the wrong person will eliminate themsevles.

how do you measure the "upwards" trajectory? how do you draw the line between things you genuinely don't wanna do and things you are scared to do? because the brain may play tricks on you in that regard i think...

Believe me the “cool kid” mentality as to relationships can still be alive in your 60s

Fun to watch!

That was too good Julien

It took him 9 minutes to close that bottle

4:40 - 9:30 - 13:10 - 15:59 - 17:05 - 19:35!!! - 20:26!! - 21:01

Oh, thanks for the advice, i kinda want to die but i succeed at sopping chasing love

What's the name of the first background track, it's so smooth...

A lot of fans over here, I think someone should experience the wanted relationships first and realize you dont want that person

This is why I no longer do relationships. Far too many variables and baggage to consider, and I don't have a the lifetime supply of paracetamol necessary.

I need because people promoted me when no move

I'm the one who's going gown in the relationship. I feel like shit.

I think that once they hit with a restraining order threat, I'm pretty certain they're done with you no matter what you do at this point!! 🤷‍♂️

------0:30 Who am I and what is my ideal relationship?

i NEVER GOT SO MUCH WISDOM FROM A DUDE IN A GUCCI SHIRT BEFORE LMFAO

Know yourself well...i know what i dont want

I need change please

stop chasing love, if you have to chase it, your unlovable. nobody wants you. end of life. unfair. unsatisfying. Quit your job. Dont let these people use you up and squeeze you out at a broken shell of a body for their comfort

true

But automatically Chase how to don't Chase

for me I need the job