STOP Chasing A Specific Person & Instead Do This! 

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‘If they leave, I’m back to being not good enough.’ - This explains all of my relationships so far. Now I know why. I gotta learn to see myself as a full person, someone who is enough on their own. Dang.

I love the analogy that if you wouldn't say it to your kids don't say it to you. Or if your child felt guilty you wouldn't make them feel that way for years. It's so true. I've been pretty harsh on myself I think because I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Loving and respecting yourself must come first and then you'll have a foundation to enter a relationship with someone.

If they leave or walk away, sure it'll hurt like hell. But you'll still be you, and that's all that matters. ❤

Following you since the old days. After one year of inner work and letting go of cringe, awkwardness, self attack, severe trauma and pain I finally stopped self destruction. Years of heavy drug use, overdoses, dozens of emergency hospitalizations, isolation. Now I am Clean, new friends, job interview, healthy lifestyle without pressure maintaining it. I'm literally crying while typing this because my whole family can finally stop worrying about me. If there is a Karma bank account in the universe you are one of the richest people on this planet, because you have no idea how huge the butterfly effect of your work is. You are the best distillation device of selp help in the space and I thank you so much.

I’ve done a lot of self healing through tapping into communication with my inner child and telling myself things like “what would Little Me think or say about this that or the other?” “Do it for little me” or “don’t do that to Little Me” and it’s helps me immensely

Haven't watched your videos in at least 8 years. Just gotta say you changed the way I look at myself, got me to approach more women, increased my self confidence, and helped me have better relationships. Glad to see you still helping other young men out there. Cheers.

Im stuck in an area where I’m obsessing over the woman I loved who broke up with me 5 weeks ago. The advice in this video may help me to face the situation and actually accept what happened and hopefully move forward with my life

I do think people are better humans when they’re in a relationship with a partner that’s good for them

This video came at the perfect timing, I am in the midst of waves of trying to know why I am so resistent to being in a relationship. Its quite opposite to what you said, I am not needing or attached but more on the resistent and fearing of abandonment if I get into one. I also love what you said on two wholes coming together and forming a relationship, not the other person completing the other. Thank you! 🙏🏻

Yes! It’s like you’re the parent yelling to everyone “please love my kid! Cause I don’t know how to!”. Key is to love yourself and inner child because all this time all you needed was you. Everything else is just circumstantial and not a reflection of your worth. Had to learn this the long and hard way 🙃

This cannot come at a better time than now. This a great slap to my face so I can become better 😅 cause, tbh... I am addicted to the needyness now. To the point where, I'm already being treated so badly in my Relationship, them moving away from me, but me still chasing them. I have cut all contact with them now. And, I'm trying my best to rest and hold back the urge to Unblock and try to pursue them again. I want to end my cycle of needyness. I've been extremely hard on myself all of my life, but, I'm starting to take care of myself bit by bit. Trying to Love the me that has been neglected for so long. Cause, it's true. 'what if Faith or the Universe decides you'll be alone forever?' Then all you've got is yourself. And if you hate yourself, then it's gonna be so hard to Live. I'm still a long way from healing but, I'm taking it step by step

Undoing brain washing one person at a time, thanks Julien, I’m glad you got the opportunity to help so many people you’re pretty good at getting your messages across.

"Happiness is just around the corner." Keep chasing it, or open your eyes and stop this illusion.

Thank you for this insightful perspective on relationships and human connections. Like you said: Disney and Hollywood glorify the idea of finding your soulmate and completing each other. Thus setting up the frame that we are not good enough on our own and need someone else to make us whole. All you get out of that is fear of loss and manipulation in relationships. Most people live in scarcity and have never actually experienced love, but rather attachment and craving. The first person they meet, they NEED to keep, because who else will they find ? That's why it's so important to come into a relationship from a place of abundance. Thanks for the video Julien.

I’ve been listening to this guy since 2016. Bruh is so underrated.

It was always the saying “love yourself first”. To me, it was just a cliché that everybody was saying and I couldn’t really connect with it. Your presentation here made me finally realise what everyone was talking about. Thank you for this. You used wonderful metaphors and great arguments and explained this to everyone better than anybody else. Well done and thank you for this.

Interesting point of view, I also feel we're social beings, human contact is important at some point, kind of hard to say to someone who never get touched by the opposite sex to not be needy. That person would need to be touched to realize if it's that good or not. Some stuff need to be done, mistakes need to be made, good things need to be lived. I don't think it's that simple with all those emotions we have as humans

This has just made me totally realise how i have been feeling for the last 1 1/2 years after a break up from a long term relationship. Thank you so much, i need to now change how I think about myself.

I've been studying attachment and Buddhism and have been going through a tough break up and it's funny how succinctly and masterfully communicated some of the more complex concepts I've come across are in this single vid. Excellent

A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension -- seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are....A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion. This is not attachment and is definitely not unhealthy, but I understand that the general concept of "soul mate" would appear to be one of "you complete me"

I'm going through a difficult phase in my life and relationship and this is exactly what I needed. Thankyou brother.

Holy molly, I came to this mindset recently, I enjoy taking care of myself. Your idea of "don't tell yourself stuff you wouldn't say to your kid" is perfect mantra. Thank you for this video.

I tried explain this exactly to people in Twin Flame community and they almost exploded from anger. 😅 It's so sick to think that we aren't complete and someone else can give us sense of value or meaning of life.❤

Honestly I wasn't going to post this because of the amount of shame I still feel for being that type of guy and getting manipulated by the person I least expected it from my childhood friend/girlfriend cause that's how the relationship felt even though we where just friends for over 10 years since kinder up to a sophomore I would be the needed one but once I stopped or slowed down the need then she would pull back and then that would make me need her again and it wasn't even that I need her cause I've learned to be independent from a young age but it was the fear of someone else having her and her not wanting to be friends no more .the craziest thing is that I thought it was real love since we started that relationship when we where kids and maybe it was but then it just turned into an attachment in the end she made me chase her again so I did then she pulled back . I finally saw the pattern and decide not to chase for once and that was the last time I saw her 😮😢😊😅

14:14 this kind of thinking "Would I say that to someone I care about" is what actually got me through my existential crisis. It's really simple, but crazy how little we actually think in that regard.

Thanks for this video... Lately I felt i was being too attached to a friend of mine. And it got so extreme to the point that i couldn't pass a day without talking to her at least once. Naturally, she felt a bit uncomfortable and advised me to distance ourselves for a bit... Even i couldn't understand myself why did i get so severely attached and obsessed with her... I have to get myself back. Thanks again 💖

Hey Julien, i know you always get a lot of shit on these videos and i would just like to remind you what an amazing human being you are and the fact that you bring insane value to this world, especially to those who are actually willing to listen and make big changes to become a better self. Always remember that despite the critics your value will never diminish so on behalf on humanity I would like to thank you for being so kind and sharing your wisdom with us. All the best ❤️

One thing I always notice is that it never can be forced, yet, love happens when we least expect it.

Thank you. Love the humouristic touch along with a great speech/message. I like how you change your voice occasionally and that you sometimes asks questions and pauses. It was a very nice 18 minutes to listen to this and I hope this will help me with my neediness and the way I feel about being alone. I have been more fine being alone before but since I got a dog to take care of, my mental state has become worse. Now my dog is rehomed and I try to "find myself" again and build myself up. Thank you for this!

I always say I’ve never been in love. And it’s true because I never truly loved myself. Now I do. I trust that the next time I find someone it will be love, because I wouldn’t accept anything less

This is so targeted to my complex inner issues I love it.

It truly is a nightmare thinking something or someone is needed to complete the circle. Once the realization of self completion dawns, everything else begins to fall into place.

SUMMARY : ~Stop chasing things they not gonna satisfy your need You are good on your own ...example : If you think you need relationship to be happy you will still be unhappy because of the *fear of loosing it* (or you'll want more and more from that relationship like a greedy person) The more you need something the more you experience neediness

I struggle with self love, self respect and self commitment so much. This video actually just helped me… it put a lot of things in perspective. I seriously need to… do better. I write music… and have been for years. Every relationship I have ever gotten into… destroyed me. I always end up giving everything to that person… and lose myself. To the point where I am dysfunctional around others. I wish to be and feel like a complete human. But damn nah you right af I DO have hands!

Thanks a lot for this video. I was needy of friends all the time but I learnt to be happy with myself. All 40yrs, someone will come and complete me. I stopped searching 3days ago and today I am watching this video. That is life In vice Versa, my girl friend or boy friend may got bored very soon and neglected in past . It broke me very badly because I never loved myself all these 40 yrs. but I am happy now , love myself , happy myself

I saw your video pop up many times and always scrolled passed it. I'm not chasing anyone, I have no potential love interests, so I'm not needy don't need to watch that. This is exactly what I needed to watch. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I consider that I used to be a blind person and you have given me sight. Put in a way that makes 100% sense, brilliant. Thank you.

7:00 “nothing can diminish me, nothing can enhance me” Beautiful.

Damn, I watched you all the way back in the early 2010s, you are one of the ones who made me make my own self-dev channel (not this one). You guys were WAY ahead of the game back then. You've still got it. Grats on the kids too.

I think we generate this feeling of wanting to be with another to simply motivate ourselves to do that very thing. Simple as that. There is a good reason to want to be with someone else and one of those reasons is making a baby. If you had a throbbing desire to get a pen to "make you whole" you now have a pen to write and draw with. Which is HUGELY beneficial.

Thanks man, I have been struggling with this always, I haven't been treating myself well and I promise I'll treat myself like I would to a loved one.

I lost my closest friend because of my excessive neediness, i feel empty. After this video ik there's a lot of work to be done, I'm glad i found ur yt Chanel

Nice take of self-love and self-fulfilment. You can’t truly love someone else until you are satisfied and comfortable with yourself.

This is what i needed to hear ♡ after being hurt so many times its easy to fall into bad habits. Time to self-reflect and find myself before I rush into anything again 😊

He’s right in his core message. You need to love yourself and not depend on anyone/anything for your happiness because life is unpredictable, but he can’t say more money or better relationships won’t make you happier, because they will. I am a witness to it. As long as you know how to use the money and your relationships florish.

“if I could just and this wall could be anything get to partner and be in a relationship then I would be whole again. If I could just accomplish x amount of success then I'll get the missing piece back and I'll be whole so it's this self-generated lack where you choose I'm not good enough as I am I'm putting the part of me behind this wall and then you chase it as opposed to no I am whole as I am and sure I can go after this goal but before or after I'm whole and nothing affects my self-worth.” Wow, just wow. This line is really fucking meaningful to me cause I've been through a heart-broken time. And after that incident I always thought "Iam not enough for her, I regret doing this and that..." Now I know Iam worthy and I can work to better myself, achieve certain goal, I will do so for my own growth and satisfaction rather than searching for some missing piece to fill an imagined lack within. I am whole as I am. (iam a hoe as i am💀 ... lol)

While I understand and agree to the most part, humans are wired to partner and be close with other humans. We do need eachother but there’s a fine like between codependency and need in a healthy way.

The tones and accents keep me SO engaged. I love the expressions, it's how I emote lol this was FANTASTIC. I am so glad I watched this.

The fact that is appeared at my page. I am so glad. This is brillant. The fact that we don't respect ourselves and don't care about ourselves and say shitty things to ourselves is sad but that's the truth

I love that on top of delivering good life advice, you're also a comedian who delivers a lot of funny analogies to make your point. 😅

I dont understand selflove and selfrespect before i knew this video .thank you i am trying to understand to love myself the whole time .

I needed to hear this. I would get anxious and overcompensate to make up my self worth 😢

What’s cringey is I used to think this way. “A woman will complete me”. I’ve completely swerved that mentality now.

what are the best steps to take towards being able to "make myself come"? sometimes it just feels like my brain overrides the positive self talk with nervous sensations thank you for the video though, ive been on self improvement for 4 months now and i really think im finally learning the goals arent gonna serve me

El punto del video es que puedas sentirte completo estando solo, que TU FELICIDAD NO DEPENDA DE ALGUIEN. Tener relaciones saludables es necesario para una buena salud mental, pero en lo que encuentras a tu media naranja, alma gemela, pareja ideal... Debes aprender a gestionar tus emociones, ser responsable de tu felicidad. No vivir con la frase de "sí tuviese pareja todos mis problemas se solucionaran". Pero, y sí ya no te quiere? Te quedas soltero? Muere? Serás infeliz por el resto de tu vida sí es que no encuentras a alguien? Vive, disfruta, ama, sé feliz, conoce gente, que seguro un día encontraras el amor, pero que tu felicidad o la de tu pareja no dependa al 100% del otro ❤

It’s one of the best videos about relationships’ psychology and motivation I’ve ever seen. Thanks!!

Relationships is not about 2 people mending each other, it's about 2 happy people sharing their happiness.

It depends on the situation and who it is your trying to attract or being attracted to. There are moments where they want you to be needy and that is when you should be without hesitation (in relationship). There are moments when you need to let them be needy and wait for the right moment to be needy back (single). There is an exception though, this exception is when being needy is for a good reason and therefore you shouldn't take this as a wrongful action towards them: 1. Need = messaging back too quickly 2. Not needy - don't over message once then wait - this usually is with a question or a conversation proposition to continue the relationship 3. Balance (best strategy to dating) - This is letting each other be needy assuming you both understand it is okay to be once in a while and you understand when to be. This allows the relationship to have a positive outcome and have mutual compromise positively going forward or moving from friends to relationship or relationship to marriage without any regrets - mutual leading(ership).

Speaking facts, my guy!

I have always heard of the word "self-love" and thought I knew the meaning, but this video, the explanation and the way it is delivered shifted the perspective of my understanding. Brilliant brother 👏🏼 and thanks 🙏🏽

Thank you. We should love, approve, respect, enjoy being ourselves (enjoy what you do and do what you enjoy) more.

This video is completely eye opening and inspiring!! It makes me reflect on what truly is gonna fulfill me then? If it's not friendships, competence of a job, relationship. Of course all this is important to be steady but in the basis, what is gonna fulfill me inside? Gotta meditate

Hard to do this when the sentence that always stays on your mind is : Nobody will ever love you All my life I focused on building relationships and people and you know what happened ? Nothing. No intimacy, No sex, no lasting friendships, no special love. Just abuse, being used, being taken advantage of. Leaves you out cold and seeking vengeance. People are so dissapointing. I don't text anyone anymore, nor call. Why will I do it ? Nobody cares either way so why should I ? I wish I was born cruel, I would be in a much better state in this life if I wasn't so loving and cared so much about anyone entering my life.

This whole video is just de-stressing me and i feel so good ❤❤❤ thankyou so much for what you do, just some things i needed to hear or be reminded by ❤❤ Thankyouuu

Another good way to put this the pac-man analogy is instead of believing... once I HAVE something, then I can DO that thing, then I can BE what who want. Instead it should go... start by BEING that thing you want to be, then DO what that person would do, then you will HAVE what you want. Just begin by acting it out with your body, even if you dont believe at first, your mind will start to go along.

Your video is knowledgeable, humorous, and enjoyable! Thank you.

I always wonder why would i chase a person thats toxic?

Bro I’ve been wasting the last two years of my life. I’m now 21 and I have nothing. How can I stop thinking about the past? Because it holds me back from taking action.

you know, after making some mindset changes after watching this vid for the first time and coming back to it, the phrase "what you would be alone forever" strangely doesn't scare me anymore, it's kinda blissful to be rid those needy traits

You should teach a masterclass on microphone and sound quality! Your voice and this video is a pleasure to listen to. I wish all RU-vid videos had this level of volume and clarity.

This guy needs to do some inner healing. The projection is crazy. He’s trying to use logic, for something that’s suppose to be felt. Fearing someone leaving or not being good enough is trauma. It doesn’t have to do with soulmates. The iPhone? That’s ego. Would love to see him heal some of his inner fears, and then redo this video. 😉

Waking up every day knowing you're fulfilled is the key

So how do you eliminate the inherent void present in all humanity somehow, alone? To be is yo be dissatisfied with one’s own existence. Also, why seek anyone, then if we can be complete alone? If we can eliminate the void through self care or whatever.. Then why not just forever be alone? You can have everything and still feel lonely and crave someone else outside your bubble or being. That’s the truth of it.

This actually just changed my life ima download it and listen to it everyday.

Awesome video and i agree with it with 99%. But there is kinda theme missed about things like crooked teeth, or with really yellow tone for example or acne. I think its okay to set a goal to work on that with diet and working on getting money for teeth. rather than accepting who you are with things that can be work on and are not your trait and can definitely help with confidence and being in love with your body

Well we live off Dopamine nowadays = Dopamine = neediness ... IF you feel complete all the time you would just do nothing ...Goals and neediness make you advance with advantages and disadvantages that come along. I had insane libido in my younger years so beiing needy wasent really my choice, just biology...

I used to have a friend with very bad attachment issues and fear of abandonment. Both of her parents died last year from covid so i kind of understand where her behavior stems from. I was very susceptible and perceptive to her emotional pain and needs, so she didn’t really use to talk to anyone else in our class except me since i was the only one who seemed to care about what she was going through and i wanted to help her out. It was fine at first, but after a while she became so clingy I couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone because she would come right after me. Even if I told her I needed some space for myself she would continue talking about her own things without even paying any attention to what i was saying. Even if she CLEARLY saw that i was busy doing something else she’d still come up to me and interrupt my activities with absolutely no remorse, and every time she did so i felt obligated to comply because i knew she was already going through a hard time at home and i didn’t want to worsen her mental state any more than it already is. What made me change my mind about this whole situation was one day when i spent time with my other friends at school. She became so attached to me I couldn’t even get a word in with the others because she would chime right in and take me away from them. She used to gossip and tell me negative things about my friends a lot just to make me stay away from them and spend more time with her instead (my friends told me beforehand that they don’t want to have anything to do with her and we couldn’t have been a friend group together, therefore i spent time with each of them separately). So this one time i spent an entire day with my other friends and at some point she came up to me and said: “Do you like spending time with X and Y more than with me? 🥺” THAT was it. That ended it. I couldn’t take it anymore i felt like i was going to explode if i kept staying with her any longer. I told her that our friendship won’t work out, that we have nothing in common, that all of our conversations only revolve around her trauma which always end up with me consoling her (i was so angry i also wanted to tell her that she was being too self-centered but i felt like she would start crying on the spot if i said that so i contained myself) Ironically enough, she began yelling at me, saying that my behaviour towards her is extremely toxic and a bunch of illogical stuff that pointed to her thinking of herself as a victim. She said that i’ve used her “for my own gains” after she was the one who kept forcing me to spend time with her as much as possible. We are still in the same class but we don’t talk to each other anymore. Whenever i catch a glimpse of her in the halls i try to actively avoid her if i can or just say hi so she doesn’t think i hold some kind of grudge. I really wanted to help her out, but some problems are better left for professional therapists to solve

It’s pretty nuts how the knight of infinite resignation and the knight of faith are a huge parallel here

13:00 this entire concept is profound. I just sat with this for a while. I love this concept.

wow that last bit ... that really hits different. you got 2 hands.

But what if you do great about yourself but still being rejected by others? You can get girls and easily make friends but others always try to sabotage your success and put you down for no reason, envy bc they always know they will lose around you. Everything is a fuzz because you decided to not follow their rules and their narrowed view about life. You decided to live your own life and you pay a heavy price for it. If you ever heard the term sigma you know what I am talking about here! Make a stoic/sigma video Julien!

But what do you do if you need to be very dependent on someone? I unfortunately can't just march out without a care, I must know a loved one will stay at my side and protect me. I got an uncontrollable chronic illness that causes me to randomly loose consciousness. I must have a loved one to help protect me.

We give meaning to actions people places. We take our power back take the meaning off it. Amazing talk. Thank you 🙏

now i learn how to be in relationship with ourselves...😍thank you brother...

Needines comes from absence. If you have a lot of women and experiences, you wont care and will not be needy. If you never had anyone for 30 years, you will be needy. Thats why, every young person, like 12-15 should interact with women and try to have relationships, so by experience, they can have healthy relationships later on. im 28 and never had any friends, and even when i can be logical to 99% of my problems or life. When i interact with women, im needy and i CANT help it. Its just too precious for me and i dont know what to do.

Basically covering the Buddhist teachings of attachment and striving, modernised

1:10 I wake up every morning thinking that I'm not good enough but "hey I'm gonna try anyways, that's what makes me such a badass".

If you love yourself thats enough you dont need anyone but you

I literally just realized that I can make myself come, thanks

My problem is I enjoy being with myself so much I actually have to force myself to have relationships because I know being alone all the time is not healthy either

My biggest take away that i have hands, Thank you.

Ironically I've become needy watching this presentation over and over again 😊

This recommended suddenly. I'm sure there's a reason and it didn't fail.

"The road to enlightenment is paved with disillusionment", my life in one sentence LOL

I needed to hear that but i think there should a separate talk about where this neediness comes from n how exactly get out of this feeling

great mantra. "you have hands!"

I relized i was chasing a sub par chick at best. I relized i deserve better. Finally "let her go" and i feel so much better.

The problem with all this inner game stuff is that it doesn't bring you actual results on its own. You still need to take action. I've been there, I have been meditating for years, and am self sufficient. But without going out and talking to women, I would still be alone. You need BOTH. Action, and inner work.

This video is one big treasure, packed with value! I absolutely love the many light bulbs that could potentially be lit listening to this share! Outstanding!

Don't look for someone to complete you... but find someone you can share your completeness with.