Stop Living For Everyone Else | Mel Robbins 

I wish i could experience what it feels like to have open conversations with parents, and having such good relationship with your parents that allows free flow of thoughts. Hii, I'm 21 girl from india. I want to ask what if parents doesn't want to know our choices? I remember worrying a lot about what will they think about my choices during my college years, so the easiest thing for me to do was letting them decide for me. All i remember about my parents is that they were always there for me physically, for my physical needs but not emotionally. I regret letting them decide for me because it has made me a weak person, I feel insecure, I fear failure a lot. The scariest thing for me is that i know my parents will not react in a good way if I'll ever face a failure in future.

Being around my family makes me feel fatigue I find them insanely narcissistic

Narcissistic parents will only have one opinion: *i better not let my children win against me*

some parents raised their kids so that when they grow up they can take care of them including it is a MUST TO PROVIDE MONEY

Almost everyone here has a bad thing to say about there parents, as bad parents have destroyed a lot of generation over time, but I ask you to not be like your parents, don't torture your kids, and instead of focusing on the past you had, and making it an excuse for not being able to do what you want, use it as a lesson, if you have a failure in any part of your life learn from it, and starve to make the world a place where you would love to live.

I wasn't raised to be happy for myself. Its always been about taking care your family and take care of your parents when they get old. It's never been about what I want

What if Mel... Parents don't want to have open conversation they'll always be offended angry ! ?

Children aren't property

The key to happiness is learning to care more about what you think than you care about what other people think about what you think.

Wow so true... I went to years looking for approval and I STILL struggle with it... Thanks for the reminder on staying true to myself!

I wasn't really raised to "rock the boat" persay. Growing up with first generation immigrant parents is so hard. Try having this talk with traditional filipino parents. That won't really work. Im 23 now and I still feel like my parents treat me like Im still a child. I wish they'd be more open minded, but idk it doesnt really work like that growing up in an asian household. I wish I had a more open relationship with them but I wasn't ever raised to express how I feel. And it gets so frustrating sometimes. I cant even say how I feel without them being offended. Great talk though, Mel youve really inspired me eversince I started following you on instagram and youtube :)

I am a 25 year old girl who started resenting my mother at the young age of 8. She has now been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and regulates it with medication, but the damage of emotionally and mentally abusing me for years has already been done. I lived with a woman who projected her own narrative and interpretation of the golden child unto me, which included being a teenager who is abstinent, straight edge, and attends church every Sunday. I wish her overwhelming desire to be a mother with a "good kid" didnt taint the ability to raise another human soul as a genuinely accepting and empowering parent. Parents don't know how to parent, sometimes. I cant talk to her about it. My goal post has and always will be not to end up like my mother as I become a wife.

True parents want their kids to be happy and that's why parents discipline their kids not to repeat what they went through. Never did I talk to my parents of what's happening in my life during my teens. Mel Robbins you changed my perception of what to do. Nowadays talking to my kids is the main thing I do whenever I at home. Thank you

Please, not all parents want their children to be happy. A lot of parents may believe they want that, but the truth is that they often want their children to be happy within the boundaries that they've subconsciously set for them. Parents often want their child to be happy only if their child's happiness fits their(the parents') idea of what happiness looks like, if it meets their expectations and fits society's norm. Anything outside of that tends to be rejected. And a lot of times that includes rejection of the child that dares to have these notions and ideas that don't fit the norm/parental expectations in the first place . Which means being honest with your parents about who you are and what you want isn't always the best course of action unless or until you can/are fully equipped to actually deal with all the possible consequences. Humans as a group are only slowly learning to accept that there is more than one way to achieve the same result. That what happiness looks like to you is most likely totally different from what it looks like to me. And that that's okay. Having said that, I do think ms. Robbins has great insights. I've learned a lot from her. I do agree it's important to be true to yourself. To not make decisions just based on what others (including your parents) want. But I also think opening up to your parents comes down to knowing your parents or getting to know your parents' POV when it comes to specific issues. To sometimes instead of throwing it all out there in relation to you feeling them out and checking what they're comfortable with first instead. By going to them with hypothetical scenarios of friends or acquaintances. Or stories in the media. And seeing how they react to those first. Or slowly easing them into your truth over a long period of time by exposing them to it bit by bit and giving them the time to adjust in between. I also do think it's important to communicate with your parents the pressures you're under. The sad part is that they often really don't fully understand even though they try, bless their hearts. But it does help to get it off your chest. As long as getting it off your chest doesn't get you in a world of life-altering trouble with your parents.

My first open talk with my mother waz when I became 22. That was fucked.

What to do if your parents conciencousness is sooo low that they do not want you to open up, because they cant bare the weight of the truth? And im not good enough at articulating my thoughts to show them all i learned....

Mel, you're amazing!! Thank you for the video!!!

I respect the advice given because it works for healthy minded parent-child relationships. I hope to have that with my future children one day. For us ppl who have 1 or 2 dysfunctional, narcissistic ppl as parents, this won't work. At all.

Boy this lady thinks all parents are sane. cute.

I love my parents and got no complaints... but i really do wanna have open convos, idk how it is done(?)

What if you grow up in different culture...like you're parents not allowing you to express your opinion when you where a kid and up to teenage. This is a critical thing that becomes a habit and affects your self esteem when you where taught to keep your opinion to your self.

I love you Mel. You are such a direct good women. You aren’t right about everything, but you have so much we need. Thank you for your hard work and honest words . Thank you

Thanks to God. I have wonderful parents. I can do open conversation with them for any part of my life.

This is good advice, but only for certain situations/ healthy families. A lot of kids can't really have an honest/open conversation with their parents because their parents have NPD or other toxic personality. It's sad, but it's just the truth. However, it is especially important in these situations not to try to live your life for your parents. Even with healthy parents, it's important that we find our own way to happiness, because more often than not, their ideas for our happiness do not match our own. Have a good day, everyone :)

this single mentality shift changed my life. i was always irresponsible because i felt being responsible meant submitting. meant doing what you ought to do rather than what you wanted. and to me there is no motivation in that. however. now i do what i believe to be best for me. not what i ought to do cause its propper and right. but what i ought to do for myself lol. i now give up what i want now only if im doing so for something i want even more. which is essentially responsibility but with entirely different motives. im not doing it because mommy and daddy said so. or cause society said so or my boss. im doing it for myself. ill give up 100 dollars a week in partying to have 400 dollars for a car i want or a house or for school. school that im going to not cause i should or anybody thinks i ought to. but for me, so i can make more money 😂 simple mentality shift solved a good chunk of my motivation issues. why am i doing this thing? for me.

I have anxiety and panic attacks because of my past but this video is good

U r such a gem ✨

I love you mel but it doesnt apply to Asian families lol

I lived two decades of my life in agonizing pain and physically disabled IN ORDER TO PLEASE MY NARCISSISTIC PARENTS. I didn't even know this feeling was pain until it started to go away in 2015. I also almost died of diseases for my parents and other narcissistic parasites. I was also institutionally gaslighted and sexually abused by doctors, therapists etc. I was worried about what they thought, because I depended on them. My parents made fun of me when I was sick and in pain, so I went about trying to prove I wasn't. It went a bit far. But if your parents are not crazy, then yes by all means, you need to know how to tell them what is going on in your head. You will be miserable if you cant!

Great Content Thank You Mel Be true Soul Open What u want Conn Do not compar 5s Exci

This is 100% accurate

My parents never cared, asked, or considered what I was thinking........ never..... never asked about my interests, thoughts, or opinions....... then I married someone who treated me the same, that's been 17yrs ago......

Antisocial disorder sucks yes for sure and vulnerable narcissism even just for with certain people

I think it’s a generational curse even just even maybe seems like a curse passed down from my ancestors

Mel you can be a good rapper.. 😊😊

Yeah well I felt Ki majboori hai even just some sort of obligation even just

Unlearning the need for approval even just shit like that unlearning their need of approval 😊

This is a great video on a great topic. My sons will be heading to post-secondary soon and I've definitely noticed how much pressure it is. Cheers!

I stopped living for other's a long time ago. Tryed to make a friend happy for a month but all he did was biitch so I'm not making any one happy but me. But then again I'm not happy. I'm still living fore other's whether I like it or not. Im so bored of this. Wish i could get sweped into a video game. At least that's interesting.

I am so happy my 6 year old already comes to me for anything and is always able to tell me exactly how he's feeling. Hope that keeps up Intl his adult years!

It’s what you show your parents and to others. What if you look so confident, they actually support you through whatever?

This is only if your parents are normal. I did all of what she said, all they did was stay focused on themselves. I have found most people have these parents, so I dont know where the fk she got the "most parents" want to hear this from.

This is great advice, also about the FOMO. I really love this woman, what she says really speaks to me.

great video! thank you! oh and I rewatched 4:04 a couple of times 😂

Yeah I have fears subconscious fears even just

Gotta love realizing the only thing keeping me alive is my sister (/s).

One side needs saving and the other side financial freedom! Users!

Are there actually other people in that room?

No.. Keep living and let everyone else die...

This may not have anything to do with this video, but I’m a 64 year old female, who’s always living for others. I’m a yes person, always feel like I’m being judged, low self esteem, wanting to always please people. I had Bariatric Surgery 20 months ago. I’ve had a 22# regain, that is nobody’s fault but my own, & now I don’t want certain people to see me, as I feel, I’ll be disappointing them. I have had one person say they thought I had gained. I was crushed & hurt.

I wish I wasn't open with my parents.

This woman is intelligent

Honestly Mel, you have better advice and better methods of handling problems than anyone else I’ve ever known. I look up to you so much, and you’ve been a huge reason for all of the good things I’ve been able to put in place in my life. You are such an amazing woman with so much knowledge. Thank you.

I am a working mother, and my mother lives with me. She has always been a very overpowering person. I am 52 yrs myself a known hypertensive and also suffer from anxiety and depression. My mom continuously needs someone to blame. Now she is after my eldest daughter who is a teenager. I am finding so difficult to cope with the situation that i am taking my sleep medicines more. It is very very difficult to make my mother understand that we are not against her. It only ends up in getting us to a dead end. Just to mention we are Asians Pakistanis so perhaps that gives you some idea about our social setup. I don't know what to do.

Most parents (Normal mentally healthy parents) want their kids happy, self sufficient and to get there with the least amount of crap life can toss at you. The problem is ...most kids think they know better and like to take the easy way out. Our job as parents is to prepare children for the world. The world is not an easy place, especially now so listen to your parents because you are the most loved part of their life ...most of you CAN trust your parents. For the rest of the 2% of the crappy parents I say karma is a bitch...you'll end up in a nursing home drooling into your oatmeal staring out a window with no visitors and no grand babies to make you smile. You will reap what you sow as well so be nice and kind to each other and we can never go wrong in life.

I think the problem with parents is,they are older...and get angrier more easy.not all kids can talk to their parents,it’s hard to think about wether your the only one that cry’s in your room feeling sad no one will ever listen to you cause your just a stupid kid,or your the only one who they feel like their parents will never listen and feel like they don’t care for them. They do...good..at other things.its like they only care for their health and not their feelings,like “all that matters is that your alive” no it doesn’t they never listen like some parents just say “hahaha,you’ll be fine”then leave the room,like mine do I either put my head in my pillow and cry inside trying not to have tears,or sometimes if they are angry they yell at me to shut up...*sigh* this is why some kids ACTUALLY run away

You are the BEST Mel!!

#AskMel would you please guide me for becoming a motivational coach, do I need a certification? Is ICICOACH a good program ? Do you know better programs ? Dream big and that’s what I do. I’m sure we will meet one day 💕 thank you #melrobbins

There is good in helping the people in need too, remember, and is joyful seeing his gratitutes, that is part of humanity as well, empathy. Creativity and independentce is a good thing, but we will never be truly independent since we consume things that are cheaper an cheaper are better and better, we live wonderfull but has a cost in the resources of the earth and in poor people and poor countries (I can elabotate if anyone want me to do it). We are in debt to sociaty and we need to create a better one for everyone and consume responsible. The key is Self confidence and Empathy.

I had good caring parents.They did want me happy. But,single mom busy working,no deep conversation.I left home at 16, was in their life,but had my big ideas .

I'm not living for anyone else. I am living for me. Single and alone! And due to health reasons that's not going to ever change!

"Do you authentically tell your parents what's going on with you?" WTF??? She's right about social media and getting sucked in

Mel mam, Namaste! I am from India. I am also struggling now and my parents have expectations actually I have my own plans but they think that I will achieve instantly.If I am trying to speak my mom she say leave it . If I talk with them my struggle mostly she says "you can not do it". I also have emotions but they are not ready to listen really what I want to say. So, mostly i hide it behind my anger and sadness. All parents are not really ready to listen their children specially here where i belongs to. They decides what is good for us that is good but mostly it sucks...

I speak to my parents about all that I've thought and they'll probably think less of me. Of course, that's their judgement and not mine.

I can't talk about some topic with my because I am totally uncomfortable and along with that my parents are not used to such topic.

Thanks for inspiring us ma'am

My life changed since i started watching my parents as sad helpless little kids who are pushing through the life without the purpose.

well said

I requested you on linkedin as ubaid rathore.Accept that..

Thank you for this! Just recently came across your channel.......thank you

Love it. Keep uploading

Oh I wish I could open bc I wish if they would listen.

What happens when you are open and get shut down

Parents are our best friends.

It gets you nowhere. Lesson learned.

You're terrific thank you ♥♥♥

Thanks.... Mel.... Love from India

From New Zealand

👍🏻

Mel Robbins I would really like to see this conversation used in a transgender situation. All of your videos/audio are absolutely fantastic.

Are there any actual students listening? I see empty chairs.