Struggling With Shame Over My Porn Addiction 

HALLELUJAHHHHHHHHH 🔥 🔥 🔥

Hope my husband can get over it. I’m reading to leave . It ruins my self Esteem and I’ve never had this I’ve never cared about a man watching until now

I think p is like alcohol. It's not a problem until it's a problem. In my case, I found that I have an addictive personality and was hoarding highest quality vids I could download. Deleted everything about 60 days ago and have not been looking back.

Keep going

How’s it going now? 2 years later !

Bollocks.

Woman too lol...

I don’t hide it and hey call me a freak.

See, that's the thing. I been with my husband for 21 years come march 3rd. Since I was 15 & he 17. 3 teen boys 19,15,14. Yes we was teen parents. He has been into the porn all the time that we've been together but never came out and told me that he was using it all the time and womanizing the women and pleasing himself any and everywhere all while our marriage fell to crap. I begged him over and over years and years and years to please stop that he was running our marriage and of course he would make all the promises and tell me that he loved me and I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that he won't do it again. Bam and then not even a week later maybe a month later he was right back on the crap on his phone doing it at work in the bathroom doing it as soon as I left for work or he would even do it while I was laying in the bedroom sick and he would go to the bathroom to do it. I would even get a feeling that he was going in there to do that even though I told him that we would be doing something later, and I still remember last year he walked out of the bathroom came in there and gave me a kiss on the forehead and said he loved me and I asked him what he had been doing and he said nothing! That he had just used the bathroom. Well needless to say he didn't clean up very well and then I found out later on that evening when we did decide to do something that once again he failed and not being able to do anything with me but of course he can always manage to look at that and get off to those women. You know the perfect figures the young pretty women that get all of the men's attention. I'm not a dog by any means but I am a mother that has stretch marks and cellulite and a c-section scar. I know that I can turn heads if I want to and get the attention if I want to. But I've not wanted anyone else's attention these past 21 years except for his begging him to please stop that he was running our marriage and he's ruined my complete self-image of myself and the image of how I thought that he viewed me, and that's what breaks me the most! He can sit and say that he loves me and that I'm beautiful and sexy and that he wants me and it makes me want to go jump off of a bridge and to never have to wake up again. I can't even believe anything he says that's a simple as he locked the door because I have to go back and double check that because I can't even believe him on that. And I get screamed at and cuz that and yelled at and told that I should trust him that he's a different man that he hasn't done anything in 8 months because he finally realized what he wants and that he doesn't want to mess our marriage up anymore and he doesn't want to be that guy anymore. And of course here I am waiting on the other shoe to drop because it always has in the past 21 years. I've asked him over and over and over again for us to be able to go to counseling and for him to call someone so that we can get help to make an appointment so that we can go see someone and save our marriage and not one time has he made that appointment or that call. He knows the options are that if he does it again I'm out the door this time I've got to go on with my life because I've wasted too much of it on someone that didn't want me back, he wanted his needs met with porn and then couldn't EVER meet my needs. And of course there I was standing thinking it was always me that was the issue but it was him and his porn and him sitting there taking care of himself Even though he could get it from me anytime the porn was always more important He chose it instead of me every single time. At this point I don't want to be this person anymore and the person that I thought I was in love with all those years was nothing but a nasty ass liar that made me see myself as beautiful and as a good wife and a hard worker but instead I was nothing and all of that was lost like everything else that came out of his mouth. I warn you man please do not do this to your wives it's not worth it please tell them what you're doing or leave. Please don't rip her down so low that she's unable to get back up because of how she has to view herself. I hate how I look and I hate going anywhere that there's other women because I can't go anywhere with him because I know that somebody's going to catch his eye as soon as they do he's going to have to run to the bathroom even though he swears up and down he don't do that crap anymore. It's not worth it it's not worth it I'm worth more than that with or without him and at this point it's more without him.

A lot if us are exposed to porn so early in life that we don't even know what it's like to exist in "normal" biophysical condition. I've been hyper sexual my entire life since I can remember.

I mean, that is it, no matter how you dress it up.

My thoughts exactly.

All Relationships even with pets.

You said "hole"! Hehehehehe!!!

Agreed.

It destroyed my self confidence. I was literally hurting myself :(

You’re right if it’s not porn will be alcohol. If it’s not alcohol it’ll leave marijuana. It’ll be something. An addiction has nothing to do with substance or consuming something. It’s a personality flaw

That makes sense.

Yes that’s right

Those inherently shameful things are always bandaids for something deeper. Healthy, happy, and whole people don’t do inherently shameful things for no reason. There is always something deeper not being addressed or dealt with.

Exactly

Yes !

In all honesty his advice is not that good. He rambles and makes so many assumptions and then tries to get the caller to agree with whatever he says. "Just stop" ? Good luck telling an alcoholic to just stop. I would think someone with a doctorates would be wiser than that.

Yeah it’s so frustrating to watch him do this every time

@@arielsorto2203 Do you expect him to give someome a pity party then?

I think people need to see actual councillors rather than a call in show to be honest.

Good job

How is it going so far?

Awesome! Keep up the good work

Congrats!

too embarresded to confess my dark chok choks

How much was he watching?

Absolutely

We are 4.5 months post D-day when I found out my husband of 39 years has had a PMO addiction for 30 of those years. I completely hear what you're saying. Their lying and keeping a huge secret for so long (in my case 3 decades) is almost impossible to handle. My first inclination was to RUN. I've known this man for 42 years; I have so much invested in him that it seems awful to just say goodbye to so much of my life. He has worked very hard in these last months to heal; quitting porn, getting a counselor and of course apologizing and seeking forgiveness. I appreciate it but still....I struggle to trust. VERY hard to do.

@@evandegenfelder4554 What is PMO?

@@sabrinashelton1997 A short cut term that refers to habitual Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm

The way you feel about yourself.

Truth! I also, I think struggling with alcoholic. I have read articles on this, and experts say, that you have a vitamin deficiently. For my New Years, goal is to eat better, as of today, 12/28/2021, to take my vitamins and exercises for my leg and sitting at the computer for long hours. I believe, it is working. I still drink, but it doesn't taste so great. I will keep going on my new routine. I not so worried about my name, due to who knows where I live? I culd be telecommuting from Mars.

@@conniebarrick8265 I was addicted to tobacco and smoking cigarettes. I could do two packs a day. The only way I was able to get over it after trying to quit over and over again was by changing this bad habit for a good habit was exercising

@@WilisWar Very good, I agree, and I'm still in that process, also. I also know, thru other people, tobacco is so awful, that it is worse than heroine. So, keep trying, my blessings are with you.

Im sorry you spent all t hat money on web cam. Why didnt you find other things to do such as art, music, joining a club in your interest etc?

@@arfriedman4577 I should have. I am still working on that but am no longer on webcams right now! I ended up getting rid of my cell phone completely so that helped. I am still struggling a little with Porn but am mostly clean🙂

​@@Brian6587how r u now

Sometimes it is as easy as just deciding.

Your power will be NOT acting out. Stay in that power! Peace be with you, brother.

Why do you need porn to masturbate? As a woman, i dont need anything to do that.

You’re going to fail and one reason I will tell you why when you do something to change you don’t do it for anybody else you do it for yourself You have to worry about yourself before you worry about everybody else. If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anybody else.

You mean no porn or no masturbation?

@@bradastra6111 Yes, no sex outside marriage, no porn, no masturbation, no lusty thoughts or dreams. I truly thought that was impossible back when I was enslaved to sexual desires. But with God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. I am careful not to do anything to rouse the fire of passion within...aka no watching sex scenes in movies or TV shows etc. It sounds so prudish but I feel so free. I feel like I can do a better job picking a spouse too because I am not driven by lust anymore...I can watch and observe the behavior of men on dates with CLARITY of thought and really wait to find someone compatible, without rushing into anything stupid just to get physical desires met.

It's hard. We think we're protecting our significant other, but instead, we make it worse with the lies.

I’m ready to leave mine over his p and wandering eye . He’s made me so insecure

@@weekendnomad5038 hopefully you got out!

mom caught me out the window -it cause ahh fantsy about my stunning French tahiti girlfriend.

I'm a woman and feel this way in my marriage. I have spicy, albeit still normal proclivities, and he Saud I'm a freak. 😢

It's extremely off-putting. It's so ramped up and brutal towards women that I can't bear to watch much of it at all.

If your single cranking one out to maintain sanity is normal i think. When your in a marriage is the difference. When one person stops putting out its better than cheating i think.....🤔

Neither one is bad

Adultery starts in the mind

Both are immoral and your defiling your mind,body, and spirit

@@alanparedes2034 Indeed if both partners agree are at least are informed but not behind backs. Very unrespectful.

You clearly don't understand addiction. Addiction implies an inability to set limits.

@@CyeOutsider - You "clearly don't understand" the point I was making.

What is wrong with you??.

Most women aren't that naïve in this day and age. If they don't think their husband takes a second look when they see an insanely hot woman they are stupid. By far the most important thing to women is their emotional connection to their husband, as this will give them much better indication if they would act out on lustful feelings.

That’s not always the case. I promise.

Stephanie Bogart I agree with you

Now we see how honest you are..these things require help and understanding and your partner should be your go to in times of need..

Weakeye is right. Women aren't stupid, this is the age of technology. We know what kinds of things are available at the click of a button. We are not your grandparents generation 🙄

Still not commitment

Go get you an electric vehicle 😆

Bleh disgusting

Thanks Lord single no kids Thanks Lord for your salvation 🤘

Gross

No it is cheating plain and simple. You are getting sexual gratification from women who aren't your significant other. Have some discipline.

If you know porn is entertainment, there's nothing wrong watching sometimes. You must not be comfortable with who you are.

I used to think like this when I was younger but now I realize that’s it’s infidelity in the case of married couples. It can start small and then lead to flirty conversations with women, and beyond that. If a man or woman is having their needs met outside of their marriage, that is infidelity.

One of the porn problems I wasn't aware of is that they pay money to cam people, buy photos and videos. The money can add up over time and even put them in debt.

Why?

@@luminous6969 women have this sixth sense, just like they know when some creep is staring at them and they’ll turn directly at them not knowing why but just happened to turn and look at that direction at them. It’s crazy, ask any woman you know

@@ffrnando4388 There's no proof that they have any sort of extrasensory abilities otherwise the phenomena would be well-documented by the scientific community.

@@luminous6969 I agree. I'm a woman, I don't think I have any special intuition, and this guy sounds OK to me

@@nicolab2075 look into the persons page before defending him, unless both of you are into the same weird “skimpy” things then I suggest you should link up.

it is something meant to cause addiction. Let's not be innocent and naive.

@@dalidaregina this comment is childish. The vast majority of people don’t get addicted to porn, and many people who say they are are exaggerating the truth

@@SwimSweetie100 you're saying that because you haven't suffered addiction. The moment you get addicted, you'll know.

😆. Yes it's bad and it's hurting people 😎

If it's an addiction, it's bad. Like anything. I don't have a problem with my husband watching porn, but I probably would be upset if it was an addiction and affecting my marriage.