But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you? Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous. So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
@@ChroniclerV the logic seems to be defend no position abandon your point of view and focus on how that stress and frustration will kill everything anyways, what’s the most important move to make and if you come back to see they’re to stubborn. Then, maybe you are to but about staying in a position and relationship you’ve invested yourself into and realize your trapped with someone who might just be self entitled and doesn’t care about you and won’t when the times are bad.
Growing up I always had a bad temper, and it always ended in regret. I’m 51 and recently I was in a situation where shit was blowing up all around me, while my father in law was on the ground, after passing out with a heart problem outside a pub where we had my wife’s 50th. Family and friends were hysterical and people we didn’t know were getting aggressive and wanting to start fights, but I stayed calm and directed all the aggressors away, and the fact I didn’t show aggression, put them off guard, and they expected me to come with fists and aggression, and it didn’t happen, and they just walked off. My father in law to this day just remembers how I controlled the situation, and how calm I was, while he was laying on the ground, and he felt safe. This changed my life, and being calm definitely is the way to go. Much love brother from an ex Aussie military soldier.
You guys are all so right. Calmness, subtlety, assertiveness, and a clear mind are the best tools for dealing with any confrontation. The weapon of the strong may be the sword, but the weapon of the wise is the mind. Best wishes on your journey of self improvement.
But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you? Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous. So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
It is such a joy to me to find there are men who have preserved their traditional wisdom about women. I am an old fashioned grandma and I grieve the damage from the new age man shaming feminism, and all this gender confusion. You gentleman have remembered women and men are very different, and that's a wonderful thing.
But what if your wife/girlfriend or even husband/boyfriend just don't care and they know that your right and not only do they just don't want to budge but they actively try to continue pushing and probing you? Because the problem with saying that your wife or the wife is always right is that not only can it make them think and believe that they can be wrong especially when it is proven to be true, but they will also think and believe that you're or we're always wrong even when it is proven to be false and that we are right and they really should in that scenario be listening to us, just as we have listen to them; Cause similarly to how saying your husband or the husband is always right, especially when it's proven they're wrong it can be not only self defeating but and even detrimental to your position but now it's going to motivate them to further encroach on you even if you have both the figurative and literal high-ground, and we really need to resolve whatever problem we have at hand before it destroys us both; And now we also have the issue of them just wanting to push and probe you in to letting them have their way, even though it can be very detrimental and even dangerous. So really, is there a specific maneuver to get to get them to not only abandon their position and fort and to also get them to ceasefire and to stop engaging us? Because again, we still want to control our anger and not lose our temper and cool but we also want them not to be aggressive and lose their temper back at us?
@@AwesomeMan2696 No it hasn't, the media and social media just finds the few that are loonie bins entertaining and it gets the most attention. The vast majority of people are moderate and just want to be treated fairly for their abilities in society. I don't think actual feminism is asking for anything a man wouldn't be asking for himself.
I agree with Echo here. Two adults should be able to talk out their issues and not act as if a conflict doesn't exist. Tactfully solving discord with your partner makes a bond stronger, just like going to war together.
HAHAha most of these adults in my life are just teenagers in grown bodies. "Hey can we talk about X, it still hasn't gotten fixed yet." Other person; "OMG, i work, clean, I'm stressed out okay, you don't anything ever! Don't tell me not to yell!"
I definitely agree, but as they both said... Most of these "conflicts/arguments" are completely useless. They couldnt even think of one that was of any importance (because its usually small shit). There is definitely a place and where you could take about your "issues" assuming its something "big". Hopefully, that made sense. BUT after years of being with my dad, I have realized ... Mom and the wife is always right. Its literally made my life soooo much better, when she's "always" right. Like they said, no point in dealing with petty shit.
Not dealing with petty shit? Okay. If that means saying the mother / wife is "always" right, well, no. Acting like a doormat is not the way. If the mother / wife cannot accept it when she's wrong on some petty shit, then how can we trust her with important shit? One claims to be adult? Fine. Then one must recognize when one is wrong, petty shit or not.
Eles que sabe eu falei eu falei Deixei bem claro para eles que você fala de bom lá fora vai apresentar o que ele falou de bom agora o que ele falou de mal ao contrário da letra vai servir para ele mesmo que as próprias palavras da boca dele então que se dane ele se ele tá confessando para o juízo vale o que eu confesso da minha boca não que os outros fala se ele confessou palavras que não tá certa já é um problema para ele concorda comigo que eu não tô nem aí eu apresento que é de melhor para eles Tô dando um exemplo que não quer então ele vai pagar pelos erros dele tô só pegando as provas e colhendo para ver realmente quem presta quem prestar emprestaram está junto com ele que me emprestar vai estar no quinto
As a wife I have adopted this tactic as well at times because I am usually the one anger prone. I try to remember “is this subject worth losing the peace between us?” And “it’s ok to have opposite opinions and not have to convince or change my husband to ‘my side’” ultimately I try to look at disagreements now as a way to humble myself and think you know what, I don’t know everything
This is why a lot of us do this and also some other men too. Men are not always but often times more ego driven and when they get the "your wrong" attitude there's no point in engaging with them anymore. They believe they are right and the other person needs to be enlightened and they are actually the ones who won't budge and are heavily guarded. Women are more likely to not want the conflict or know they can't win so they disengage when someone gets like this.
One thing I can appreciate is your honesty with yourself a lot of women lack accountability. And taking accountability is the first step to bettering yourself and your situations. Your husband is lucky to have you and vice versa. My wife is the same way and she is lucky to have me appreciate her pros and cons. Vice versa
This makes me so grateful that my girlfriend is a great communicator. She's honest and says what she means. I held out for someone who is a good communicator and it's definitely worth it.
I one time asked my dad, why do you let mom get away when you know you’re right? He said, “you can be right or you can be happy. I choose to live in peace therefore I’m happy”. This is coming from a 20 year vet who was deployed twice in the Middle East. 😁
I used to think my dad was just being his nonconfrontational self when he didn't stand up to my mom when she was wrong. Often my mom was really harshly critical and my dad just rolled with it. Now that I'm married, I'm coming to realize that he was right, but that doesn't mean it was fun to witness. I always bristled at my girlfriends being critical of me or being wrong. It's truly something I need to work on.
I accept this wisdom over any riches on the planet. This channel is a blessing, and it certainly will continue to be a blessing to the rest of humanity
This just came up on recommended, and I'm glad it did. I've been recently subjected to several highly stressful situations where I've felt like exploding. This helped put things in perspective. Thanks for your wise words and keep it real.
I grew up being told, believing, & finally, telling myself I was worthless. I'm 49 & have always had a bad temper. This makes complete sense. I'm finally growing & am no longer losing my temper...
You give great advice! I work as a correctional officer for the state of Illinois. Not that im real proud of that...due to state politics and all the hypocrisy at the end of the day, it really helps to listen to one of your pod casts ! Thanks!
one thing that helps me that I'm not always able to follow is the 24-hour rule, whenever there's something that I'm so upset about that I want to yell at somebody or send a pissy email I try to wait 24 hours take down some notes and reflect on why it upset me and what the best possible course of outcome is to avoid it in the future. this doesn't always work but I do find that every single time I'm able to wait 24 hours I'm able to respond more rationally and less emotionally to the incident
Good advice and love the Sun Tzu principal. I have been in this situation recently but it wasn't about a "right or wrong" thing it was a poking the bear situation and I was the bear. Sometimes no matter how many times you say, "don't poke the bear" they poke
Expand and expound upon his message....you will keep your weapons. No domestic entanglement if you don't lose your temper,ie,police called by wife. Think about that. You didn't do anything thing resembling that,but the police are called. Your life changed by the"System". No,I do not have personal experience with that either.😂
It's definitely an important lesson to read the signs and not get upset too much about little things, but sometimes ther are real issues that a person often feels like brushing off by saying it doesn't matter because he or she feels like the other should get it on their own. And if you don't resolve these things it can lead to a breaking point afyer a while. Meaning it can be something that bothers you in general and is not even mentioned specifically in the conversation but somehow it's connected, like when one gets upset not about the fact that his wife starts talking about something but that she starts talking but not about something that's bothering you and you feel she just keeps ignoring some issue that's heavily on your mind and you go it doesn't matter, half giving up on them in general and that's a problem that could be solved by having a real conversation. It doesn't have to happen at that specific moment, it can be later etc. But that moment of frustration can be used as a wave to ride on and solve a real problem that otherwise keeps being brushed off. Just saying. It takes a certain amount of awareness on both sides though, like I would do that kind of half expecting my wife would get that there's a real issue and either will get it on her own, which prefer but is not very likely unfortunately, or will ask me what's wrong and we will get, once in a while, I to an uncomfortable conversation late at night, that after all will make things better and reduce a lit if daily stress.
If you're always looking for the flank and your significant other is constantly barring the front door that says something too, tread lightly with someone who can't stand to be wrong that person might not be a grown up
I'm really glad I have the people in my life that I do, that have been working with me through my anger problems. I've been doing much better at controlling my outbursts of anger just simply by listening to Jocko Willink and Jordan Peterson. So thank you for everything you're doing Jocko. Putting rational thought behind what's making you act irrationally doesn't feel as impossible as it used to, and it's already helping me improve in many ways mentally.
@echocharles I read this in a book: "Esteem = Accomplishments / Pretentiousness" Works for self esteem & esteem of others. Accomplishments or perceived accomplishments, same same.
From the time I was a little boy, my dad always told me something that stuck with me. "Before you get into a fight, ask yourself two questions. FIRST: Can I win? Second: If I can, is it worth winning?
Me and my wife of 47 years both go into a quiet room and both confidently just agree that she's right and move on... Then I'll go out to the garage and drink whisky and smoke weed untill the voices in my head stop
But they will always come back . I feel for you but maybe you should go into the room one day and then confidently agree that its time you both moved on in opposite ways , and tell her why its the right thing to do , tell her what you go through .
I love these two bouncing reasons about passive aggressive or arguing and when to let your ego go and just try and reason with one another and let stupid arguments go because life is way too short and l love this when a lady says it doesn’t matter when it does but like jocks says just don’t go there to argue avoid it and alter the situation to a positive and this what l am learning and I’m a thinking especially as l have ADHD so l am always locked on to being creative etc and to know how to avoid a situation and look around and work out where is this going or how to avoid a problem and instead make it a happier solution 👍👍🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧 I’m British and l like these pod casts
It's not just with a spouse. Think about the weakness you are showing your children, what you are teaching the next generation & how to handle an argument. You can change the world & the future just by keeping your anger in check. I get tired when I argue or yell. I'm exhausted every single time.
I do something called "the ricochet" method. When my girlfriend is disrespectful to me, calling me names or brings up things that I am truly insecure about all I do is that method. First and foremost, don't put her down with her insecurities. That's you already being stupid and immature. Secondly, realize they are just words, and I let the emotions drain my body and vocabulary. Once that is clear, I smile, I'm polite and I laugh at her when she gets exausted. I then prove her wrong in an indirect, non confrontational subtle way. Not by a verbal debate, but by applying my argument to an example to a situation. Then I watch. I watch her. I can see it slowly dawn on her when she realizes how she blew up made her look like a stupid bully and the fact she was indeed wrong. Then I love her. With my mercy, forgiveness and knowledge I melt her soul and her knees go weak. That's how you control a woman without being a jerk. You simply kill her with kindness and let her own ammunition hurt her. Then forgive her and love her. She will not let go of you. She will secretly admire and respect you even if she is a stubborn woman with a sharp tongue. Stay calm and prove 'em wrong! 👍
Seem like a interesting method, though I'm not sure it a mostly right one in most situation, anyone else know when this won't work and shouldn't do it ?
I don’t like this advice, she’s speaking down on you, bringing up your insecurities; things you told her and hoped she would not use against you and yet when she does you simply forgive her and treat her well after she treated you like trash. Why put yourself through this when you could find another women who may have better communication and is a lot more empathetic?
Thanks Jocko and Echo. This couldn't have come at a more opportune time. I've been trying to work through some things with my girlfriend, and she's driving me insane. We're fighting over stupid stuff, but letting her get under my skin is weakness. AND, it hadn't occurred to me that I was escalating things for no reason by ramming head on into a fortified position over and freaking over again. Thank you for helping readjust my perspective.
Man,I’m so happy that I found your channel. Listening you made me realise what mistakes I’m making in my life and I’m determined to fix them and fix my marriage. Thank you one more time!
can you give some good answer about 'flanking' ?, the example near the end of video is quite good, but not broad enough for me, since there are some case that aren't so physical like the 'piece' that in your injury there. and so far this mostly on the wife part, what about again other people ?
I've taken these tactics to nearly every kind of disagreement, no matter the person, and it works everytime. Well unless the person is completely combative then it's different. Reading BODY LANGUAGE is the real game changer after you learn "flanking" as mr wilink suggested lol
There's only one way to Not lose your temper. Always breath first because it removes you from the anger within. Releasing anger and frustration from your body will give you an opportunity to think and have clear thoughts. Once you'e r calm, then you can use the positive energy within yourself to respond in a way that actually gives you more power over your emotions so that you feel relief from your feelings of negativity.
stay calm as long long as is reasonable but if it is a legit life safety issue you can become more assertive but maintaining control of self is absolutely critical to complete any mission whether in the field or in a relationship and explain to your spouse if they misinterpret your control for not caring you have to talk to them so that they understand that control of self is not indicative of lack of caring.
Ive read it twice for this very reason. It has great points but when it comes to your significant other being a neurotic fkng mess it doesn't help much.
Lol, you gotta are great. I always enjoy your podcast. Looks like you're grooming for the next book idea??? I think you've got the makings of a best seller! Lol
You gentlemen are life savers. Thanks, that makes so much sense as to why I been losing my temper with myself when I can't seem to learn something as quickly as I like. I been fighting so hard not to lose my temper and I get so mad at myself. This last time, on Monday, I managed to not punch anything or yell, or essentially throw a 34 year old temper tantrum, but you're absolutely right - it is a lack of both self-control and a lack of self-esteem. Thanks guys! Just knowing helps so much!
Its Sunday and am back from church and the "big" man is back lovely grounded sensible stuff with a movement to the horizon, difficult to a fault , a life lived by a man! Its 4:10 min in no exactly what happened to me i lost the woman I loved 15 years ago , I was too immature despite endless therapy workshops, maybe it looks like giving in maybe it looks like just giving them space or and especially not making demands or not saying yes, yes , yes and again yes ! Women oh God you cannot win, that is why God created them to vex us , but can we live without them no of course not even living on my own ( now ) without women floating through it , God. Good solid stuff a grown man talks relating common sense. Crazy but true getting smacked in the ear whilst driving did me good , not once but twice ! No pain and no problem then I was concerned for here when she ran away but what the f....was i doing? But be careful love knows nothing about manipulation , this war game ain't gonna work with her forever , love in the strictest sense maybe takes a lifetime to appreciate IT Alone is the governor , right on don't go near that thing , eros agape who cares when you love someone don't destroy that relationship for the sake of being right , conceited immaturity call it what you like it is pure stupidity! Love between man and a woman is much underrated and misunderstood.
Wish I could get either of my parents to watch this. They both have ZERO control of their anger, always escalating each other to very dangerous levels, over the stupidest things. Neither of them will ever admit when they're wrong, or apologize. They are now divorced and have the same problems with their respective new partners. I wish I could make both of them learn about Stoicism.
