How so? As in, their attitudes are like they are still in high school, not mature, etc. Or is it, they can't let go of the memories of it, and are still bothered by and caught up in it all?
My boss (great guy) put one of his high school buddies in a shift leader position. The bully is the biggest brown noser and never has to do his job, with no consequences. Not gonna throw away a 14 year job because of it. He bullys others but not me anymore. A few years ago I finally went off on him and showed my dedication to my job and stood my ground. I get along with the bully now but have to watch him bully others. It's sad. The worst machinest got the job of telling better machinest how to do their job. Uncle Rico syndrome. His day is coming. I'm just gonna sit back and watch the show.
Megan Roy they’re like they were in high school because they weren’t able to reflect. Nothing being their fault, meaning they think they were justified to do whatever thing you’re calling them out on. They know it’s wrong to do, they just don’t care. They think that they’re the exceptions to the rule every time. Their elevated entitlement is congruent with narcissism.
@Super Chad Well no shit, your name is "Super Chad," lol. To be honest, you make a good point. During these crazy times, I'm exercising outside consistently and disciplining myself before I'm 21 next year, just to make sure I moved on from my adolescent days... I'm a _very_ late bloomer.
@@glorykiller998 Talking like that and being just 20 means you're not a late bloomer. I'm 27 and let me tell you that most adults older than both of us never left high school. It's pathetic. Good luck bro
I would argue that most people are just pussies nowadays. They find a way to care about something said by someone they don't even know. in today's society that probably makes me a bully for saying that.
I was bullied twice in my life. The first was by two much bigger dudes in high school; I always felt that if you are smaller, you have every right to use weapons, so I started carrying a set of brass knucks and pepper spray.... solved that problem. The second time was in my professional life working at a company (the trades) with horrendous bosses. Brass knucks were not an option, so despite the miserable work environment I started working extra long hours at the company and learned every aspect of my trade in 5 years. I then quit, started my own company and went into competition against my former employer and kicked its ass financially.
The sad thing is that 1. so many of us need a foster dad 2. we find them on the Internet Here's to changing that and being good fathers to the next generation.
Well, bullies are everywhere Neighbors, coworkers, in traffic, in the store, managers, bosses, churches, families and more It's a life skill to handle Bullies
Jon H I agree. Bullies will never disappear. The only thing you can do is work on your ability to handle them. But that doesn’t mean we should dismiss the struggles of those being bullied.
Really? I found that college was way different. I've never been physically harmed or had my books smacked into the ground in college. In fact by then I probably would have followed someone to their car with a rock or pulled out a knife or something lol. You'll still have some "bullies" at work, but often they're just miserable people who are venting. I mean, if someone is physically abusing you on a day to day basis then something needs to change in your life.
When I got bullied and got home with a bruised face, my dad asked me how the other guy looked. After telling him what went on and admitting that I was too scared to fight he scolded me and tought me some tough life lessons on the spot, no coddling and brutal honnesty. After hearing my dad out and learning from his wisdom, he gave me an assignment, the next bully who tried to fight me or bully me in any way, punch them immedietly, hit or mis, just punch, if a fight broke out and you lose, take the loss and every time you see your bully, wether in the lockerroom, bathroom or in the hallway, punch him unprovoked, make them warry and scared, jump on him. He told me, you might be weaker, but that bully will regret crossing you cause no one likes to be punched in the face. So i did what my dad told me, for 2 weeks i was the shadow of my bullies, every oppurtunity that they where alone i would punch them straight on the face, every mean look that they gave me i punched, if i would feel that they tried to bully me, i would punch them. I grew confident, i was not scared of confrontations anymore, i was never strong to begin with, but they did not dare to bully me again,
Fear or no fear if someone said something that didn't sit well with me be sure I'll come back for you anytime or anyday cause that words will eat away at me untill I settle it with you....don't know why I'm wired that way
I'm usually a quiet guy and actually get flattered when people try to pick on me or bring me down because I see it as a sign of me encroaching on their insecurities. And when I respond with smile and humility it feels really good.
When you have nothing to say,say nothing. I think that is a underestimated quality. And your outgoing and expressive on your own terms,not because it is expected. Nope,but because you want it. Like a lot of introverts do. We think more than we talk,others talk more than they think. Or at least,that is what I feel a lot.
I'm an introvert myself, introverts are afraid to talk because they are afraid of saying something meaningless or stupid. Deep down they want to connect with people but they expect others to initiate the contact. I'm generalising a lot here, but you get the point. I could rationalise my introvert tendencies by saying that I'm only open to the people I trust, but I'm not going to do it. The harsh truth is introversion is a result of some kind of childhood trauma or experience.
Throughout high school, I thought for sure I’d outgrow bullies. Painful lesson to keep learning - You never do. If you’re different/have a disability in any way, you’re a target no matter what ecosystems you might be in...
Many friend groups in high school I ended up being the whipping boy. To this day I keep to myself at work and other events. Can't even be around family gatherings.
Bullies are cowards that tries to instill fear into someone verbally or physically guess what why are they always in groups?why don't they bully someone alone?huh.....one was lucky he tried to belittle me in front if his friend whereas was so far from home, his lucky I hadn't killed him cause of that,his days were numbered and i addressed him calmly what he was doing wasn't cool and lucky enough he said he didn't mean it.that saved his life I assure you
jealousy is the main reason...in both elementary and high school i wasn't bullied but all my classmates mostly the fellas they loved to team up against me and back then i didn't give it any thought cause when you're a kid you're like a doggy you just live in the moment and easily forget about shit but now as a adult looking back i see it was pure jealousy i was always the tallest and most handsome dude in class and the fellas hated me for it..... when someone picks on you is because there's something about you that triggers their insecurities
How you respond to disrespect is one of the ultimate signs of character. It takes a big person to not want to hurt the other person back. However most will take disrespect to heart and desperately wants to hurt the other person back. You have to be comfortable with who you are, and understand the other person is coming from a place of insecurity. Being comfortable with who you are takes work though.
each time i got bullied in school it never stop until i became violent toward them. only thing that worked, no parent calling the school, director talking to them, me talking to the teacher about it NOTHING WORKED EXCEPT VIOLENCE
Bullying will exist as long as Cluster B personalities do. Malignant narcissism is not a problem people grow out of, it's a problem that unfortunately can't be permanently solved without violently eradicating the perpetrators. A wolf won't spare sheep, that's why you need a pack of sheep dogs
Bottom line is when you're dealing with a rampant predator, asking it to stop and playing nice doesn't work. You have to be willing to use force. Don't take the animal analogy so far that you romanticize wolves and miss the point. Unless you're a textbook narcissist obviously trying to feel special
@@RichardMiller-tq6ut and what about being a sheep? sheeps are part of this world too. maybe we should drive them extinct just because you! can't come up with anything better to solve the issue. Just another point of view.
Highschool isn't life but bullies don't just magically go away. I've had several jobs working with ppl with that bully mentality. The best thing to do when bullied is use that as motivation to put yourself in position to hurt a bully if they get physical. Start training in something. Boxing, wrestling, bjj, muay thai, judo or "mma" which is a mixture of fighting styles. Even if u never have to defend yourself it will at least boost confidence to the point that you'll no longer be so concerned with bullies. If they come you're better equipped to deal with them.
Most people in position to be bullied (usually the most disposable employees) don't have the luxury of training in a sport. They usually have to work several jobs and don't have time for that.
I was severely bullied in h.s. And didn’t have any kind of support. If I were to give advice to kids about it - the one thing that would of helped is if I’d been told focus on future goals bc like Jocko says h.s. Is not your life -- but when your attacked every day as a teen it’s hard to see that.
I’m very sorry to hear that. I believe at that age things are too overwhelming to be receptive to good advice. To be honest I believe the best thing is to train, and train hard. Confidence will come via experience, and a lot could change from year to year.
I was bullied at least once a week in school for 12 years. I almost killed myself over it. When I got out of high school, I vowed that I would never be bullied again. Period. I went and got training. I learned how to fight and handle myself physically, and I learn how to handle people. It’s the one wound in my life that has never totally healed over. I have a psychology practice now and my work is helping people. That being said, sometimes when that bully zeros in on you and will not leave you alone, your only recourse is to throw them a beating so bad that they regret having bullied you in the first place. Even if you get hurt in the process.
Sorry to hear you experienced that.Pleased to hear you learnt skills .Well done on having your psychology practise,you have empathy .Great achievement.
My dad taught me to box so I could swing with "education," LOL. Add in the willingness to bust chairs over peoples' heads and...well, none of my bullies ever came back for a return match, even on the many occasions where I got my ass kicked. The day came where the bullies were like, "Dude, it's not worth it. Yeah, he's a huge nerd but he's also homicidal." I was stabbing dudes with pencils 40 years before John Wick was a twinkle in a screenwriter's imagination (inspired by two old-school pro wrestlers, The Sheik and Abdullah the Butcher)...
My next door neighbor is a 42 year-old bully. Sometimes bullies never grow up. I have tried to get L.E. to talk to him about his trespassing and damage to my property, but the police will do nothing. This only emboldens the bully. The only thing the bully understands is their victim putting them at risk of encountering physical pain. I have set up a target shooting area next to the property line. We'll see how this Summer goes...
Great advice. I think the majority of us have dealt with bullying, and unfortunately when I was a kid, my parents told me to always ignore it and they'd stop. Literally the WORST advice. For a while, my combat towards that was to just be an asshole back, stand my ground, and use that adrenaline filled rage to show that I'm not losing no matter what. The problem with this mentality is that it can not only lead to severe negative things, but it also keeps you from growing as much as you could. For the longest time I was in a pretty good space mentally, until around 25 I realized that I was getting bullied again, this time by family and coworkers! Why? Because I didn't give a shit, and thought I could ignore it. Turns out years later, I did give a shit, and if I were to resort back to my high school mentality of filling myself with rage and "I'm not losing no matter what" I'd end up in prison. Years after, I literally had no idea how to make things "right" so that I could have a peace of mind. But then I stopped feeling sorry for myself, realized I put myself in that situation, and I chose not to respond in the way I would've liked to. So how did I feel better? Not by bashing a hammer into their skull, but by growing. Improve yourself, and use that anger/rage in a positive outlet, I promise you'll feel so much better and end up living a better life in the process. Bullying will never stop, people just find more clever ways to mask it as they get older. One last thing I'd say to remember is that people judge not by what's said to you, but how you react to it.
As much as I hate to admit it, I was a bully in life. The reason why I was that way because I was also the one being bullied, being put down by friends and family alike. So I thought it was normal to put people down and in a way, it was my form of communication. Then when I grew older and I met people who were genuinely kind and went through a lot of shit that fucked me up mentally. The number one thing you can do is just stand up for yourself and to put your foot down. I remember I was making fun of someone, and suddenly he just stood up for himself and it threw me off. Even though I acted like It didn't matter to me but in reality I never made fun of him again. Honestly most "bullies" just come from bad homes and places. There's probably a very few percent of people who don't come from those and actually enjoy it, and those people are probably psychopaths or something. I stopped my former way of life, and I try not to put people down even if it means im the one being put down. Sometimes I feel like I deserve that much at least to atone for my sins.
When someone is picking on you or tries to intimidate you, they are definitely insecure, jealous haters, you got nothing against them but they just want to get attention and be part of your life. They try to make you angry, that's how they control you, forgive them they cannot help it, it's an ego defense mechanism. Once you have forgiven them they cannot effect you anymore.
@islanti as a kid, throwing the first punch isn't the worst idea. Just make you you can finish what you start. Word gets around you don't put up with bullies and it tends to work that way.
I am going to have to disagree with you. "forgive them they cannot help it" ... yes they can its called self control. my advice to anybody getting bullied is to stand up for yourself, depending on the situation it might be to fight back or report them to a higher power. if you do nothing the bulling will go on
You cannot control anger it controls you, they push your buttons to get a reaction, if you for example hit them its negative but still attention, so you loose and they get what they want. From what I learned with my bullies is that every time I reacted with anger or emotion, it did not help my situation at all. When I forgave him, he could not make me angry anymore, I could respond in a calm manner and the game was over. Than he became angry it was really funny.
@@you8just yes you can control anger, it only controls you if you let it. if you stand up for yourself you send a message that you are a person not to be messed with. I was bullied at a job and I "turned the other cheek" and the bulling continued for years. looking back I should have reported the bully to HR right from the get-go
@@PsychicsRfake456 I didn't say don't stand up or speak up for yourself, just don't hate, I also thought I could control my anger once. Check out Jesse lee Peterson's take on anger and forgiveness it might change your mind. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-M97Dry_Qv6I.html
So good! I remember the night after I graduated high school. I slept, for the first time in high school, for over 10 hours. Only because the depression and anxiety I felt was finally gone. That's when I learned that life is bigger than me and the little struggles of this life are not worthy to be compared to the glories to come.
It's funny. In high school, I was bullied less simply because there was life out side of high school. But when you're in the real world and realize High school never left most people, then you've got a problem 😣
Please do a series on workplace conflicts and how to manage them. There are a lot of way and types of conflicts in workplaces. I would love to hear his perspective on them.
As evo said, get his books and read them. They show you how to deal with those kind of people. I've also heard him address that in his clips on here as well.
@Jameson W The problem with just ignoring them is very many kids often don't have a life outside of high school, unless their nudged they often won't have the foresight to read between the line
A few things that always stopped it for me was 1) to fight back..even if you know you will lose. Then the bully has to fight EVERY time they pick on you. (although, i hated fighting and it's not always convenient) 2) I had some tough friends - Just told them that the guy is being a jerk to you - they usually warned him off with a few rough thumps - didn't take much..bullies are cowards, only picking the small/weak guy. You kinda feel a bit weak needing someone to step in, but it's a WHOLE lot better than being bullied LOL My brother was bullied as a kid - he joined the local boxing club and start winning tons of trophies...bullying stopped, but also his confidence increased. I saw a kid insult him one day, making fun of him...he just shrugged it off. Didn't care. I asked why he didn't punch him, and he said "I've nothing to prove to him. I prove what I need to in the ring" - He then also had LOTS of boxer friends, which meant they were there if ever he needed it
I got bullied working on a building site, I was only an operative/labourer and i found it hard to stand up to people as they were higher up the good chain than me I learned plumbing at nights school and it put me above most of the bullies and they had to respect me then
the more I listened the more I realize he’s pushing “ ignore them” when that doesn’t help solve the problem. aren’t the school systems and teachers the adults? they let the little bitches walk all over them? hah what a weak country.
uh I’ve been doing it . where I’m from people have no mercy and Jui Jitsu won’t really work. they run deep and some carry knives and guns. like that bar my grandpa’s friend owned ...where I filmed the crackhead trying to rap? that upload. I had to be no lesss than a monster. with those “ niggas” with my Disney looks? I’m the most dangerous person besides some family at that bar. I know how to do it but sounds like ur a good dad tho. stay safe and healthy dude.
the hood ain’t the mats or dojo ...u gotta be ruthless and mean . or get robbed and punked everyday . what do u choose? gotta have an iron fist whether it’s moral or respect worthy to people or not.
If you get bullied, you try the peaceful solution first by talking to them, and after that you're presented with a choice; you either accept being a victim, or you start fighting back. College is not life indeed, but suffering through serious bullying for several years (high school, college, whatever) is enough to destroy someone. You're not gonna walk through that saying to yourself "Oh this is not life". You're still going to have to deal with the situation.
But remember "fighting" isn't always a physical confrontation. Bullying isn't always physical. It's mental, it's emotional, it's group-based, too. Meaning you have to fight smart. In some ways, that's why boys have an easier time with it, because it's in your face. Whereas with girls, it's subtle, and not out in the open. The way to expose bullies is to expose their treatment of you to the light, to people who won't tolerate it, AND who have the authority to make it stop. You can bitch to the boss, but if he doesn't care, it ain't gonna stop. You have to find someone who cares, or find a way to make your boss care. Or like Jocko said, remove yourself from that ecosystem. Success is the best revenge.
@@alexkmoz we do not always have the luxury of removing ourselves at a whim. Often we just have to accept adversity. Life is not always kind or fair. I'd like to deliver a more positive message but nothing is coming to me right now. How about hardships that you face today better prepare you for trials you will face in the future? It is a constant struggle after all.
@@1pcfred That's the biggest cop-out ever. "Suck it up, buttercup, because it's good for you". No. DO NOT suck it up. If you can't leave on a whim, develop an exit-strategy. Like I said, expose the behaviour to as many people as possible, with evidence to back your claim. If you can't do that, start seeking employment elsewhere. If you can't do that, get to a point where your skills and qualifications are desirable. ALL 3 of these are options. NONE of them are "suck it up buttercup, because you're better and stronger for it". Sometimes you just quit on a whim, and be dammed to the consequences because, dignity and self-respect. Debt and credit-ratings are existential, meaningless threats and have no bearing on the meaning of your life.
I was bullied from kindergarten, all the way to high school graduation. I changed schools three times to get away from it, and the bullying just followed me wherever I went. I was, and still am, a quiet guy. I did my level best to be a good person to those around me, and was rewarded with merciless name-calling, mocking, insults, and even public humiliation. It got to the point where going home was my favorite part of the school day. And every morning, I dreaded having to go back to school and deal with the same people in the same environment, with the same circumstances. It’s the reason that after 8 years, I haven’t gone to a single reunion. So when Jocko says “high school isn’t life” I take it a step further. I act like high school was NEVER a part of my life.
Its sad, that immature, insecure adults will try to make you feel as low as them because they never grew up, probably bullied themselves or some other misfortune and need an excuse to justify their HATE for you and their hate in general. I used to make the mistake of letting bullies (which included people who used to be family and friends) bring me down to their level and I would lose my cool and make myself look bad, which is exactly what they want you to do to help their cause. They would admit to being jealous, and angry at me for some reasons and wanted me to feel the same way because I was living the life, had a good job, hobbies, traveling and was generally happy and it made them sad and envious so they needed to come up with falsehoods to convince themselves and me that I was at their level which I wasn't, still not, and never will be. They would find any kind of flaw, wrongdoing, or innocent mistake and turn it into some big deal to make me feel like shit, but once I got wind that it was them that had a problem with themselves, I turned away and let them be. As time went on I realized it had less to do with what I did wrong and more to do with what I started doing right. "BULLIES", no offense to the actual bull, are nothing but lower than shit cowards who aren't worth any time, effort, thought, or anything at all, so it's best to ignore them, but know as soon as they grow impatient with you being more mature than them and decide that they want to get physical, GET PHYSICAL and let them know they made a terrible mistake. I had an adult figure in my life as a kid who once told me that they can talk shit, and play all the mind games they want but as soon as they put their hands on you, you lay em in the shade by any means necessary, no matter the size or shape. I'm quite confident in my muay thai , boxing skills, knife combat, and aim to fear no man or woman. I'm too nice, strong and happy of a person to let the weak break me. The worst part is they are fully aware of how ignorant they are. If you're being bullied in any kind of way I say stand strong, keep peace within yourself, and never let another human pass judgment unto you nor make you feel bad for being alive because NOBODY IS PERFECT. May the force be with ya'll.
Just read your comment, I can relate so much, the truth is I'm getting bullied, not verbally or physically, but in a passive aggressive way, here's the thing, I'm a bodybuilder, an I'm genetically gifted, I put on muscle quickly an I'm built with a good shape, the personal trainers in my gym an the members of the gym ALL have a problem with me, simply cos they struggle what i excel in, they give me rude looks cut their eye at me an just give me a bad attitude. Clearly putting their insecurities on to me out of jealousy, it's got so bad that I had to train today an literally have my back turned away from everyone, I face the wall & look at the ground after the exercise.
@@breaks3085 Dude your dad didn't raise you to live in fear just cause your genetically gifted doesn't mean you have to walk on eggshells cause someone will talk I'll of you or envy you nah,just walk head held high and do your thing,if they had a problem with that's on them if you didn't insult or harm them.never let someone dictate how you live cause at the end life is yours to live which is so short by the way to live in fear or prejudice.
Isn't that what's happening at the Riots now ? Hell atleast in High school had teachers and Principals who would stop it if it went too far but it's a circus out here in 2020.
The hardest thing about ADHD for me was getting bullied for being ginger and not being able to remember what people said/did to make me feel like shit about myself. I'd tell my parents but they'd ask for specifics that I just couldn't remember... Soon I stopped confiding in them and then come the worst days of my life. Looking back though, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Whenever I feel suicidal now I just look back at those times and just the fact I made it through them keep me going in the dark of the night
This doesn't really address the question or accomplish the title of the video. You can't "step outside of the ecosystem" if that ecosystem is tied to your identity. A person in high school can't just "step outside of the ecosystem". In addition, the "high school isn't life" thing is a joke. Yeah, it gets less often, but WORSE to deal with after high school. In high school, you can easily punch someone in the face to end bullying real quick. Once you're in a white collar career, that option is gone unless you like unemployment and jail. This video was a great perspective and great advice for certain situations in life, but this doesn't match the title. The only way to deal with this issue is to address your personal confidence levels. That, and also punch bullies in the face when you can get away with it.
I acc totally agree, like people always tell kids just to not pay attention like they don't remember when they were a scared/insecure kid getting bullied. Idk why ppl don't tell someone to learn bjj and Muay Thai, get as big a crowd as possible on the playground and beat the bullies ass, or find some way to fuck with the bully till they realize you're more trouble than they gain. This whole "rise above it" or "don't listen" which works when ur a big, confident, got other shit going on adult doesn't work when ur a kid and school and ur school mates are literally your entire life
I suppose I can agree. Jocko addressed how to respond for the _long term,_ but I like what you said about addressing personal confidence levels, ie. how to respond during the _present moment._
@@ETAisNOW-wn8wx I kill them with kindness, without being resentful, because I have more important things to think about. If possible, I just cut them out of my life.
I was a bully in school. It was definitely because of my up bringing. I used to act out of fear. I learnt quickly, It was bully or be bullied. I had no remorse for my actions, as at the time I was in full survival mode. When I left high school I was forced into laboring jobs and the bullying continued, but this time it was aimed at me from grown men and I couldn't bully back because I was only 17 and intimidated AF. That went on for years and years and drove me into depression and social anxiety. Until I eventually put the pieces together. It felt like I was recieving my karma. A lesson from life. A teaching to stop acting blindly to old habit patterns and to treat people with the dignity and respect that everyone deserves. I changed in myself then the people started to change around me. Now, I'm kind and loving to all and I almost always get that in return. I still stand my ground when necessary, but I'm very mindful in my actions. I try to take my time and respond instead of react. To anyone reading this be kind to everyone because were all fighting our own battles and you never know how your actions can effect others, be it negatively or positively. Put those good vibes out there :)
First learn to be comfortable within yourself and then try to move on to true confidence (NOT cockiness) Learn to back yourself and your opinion even if you are totally outnumbered.. When it comes to confidence lie that, you can forget bullies. All bullies are either mentally ill, or insecure losers who never have the balls to take on someone bigger and stronger.. Never display weakness, most important especially if it cuts to the bone. The more it hurts, the better the poker face. Women seem to vent but for men, you have to bottle it up until it simmers, boils, and explodes, but not in a self destructive meltdown, direct the anger all in one direction, like a cannon this is your fuel, your motivation to succeed Also remember bullies are not your friends, better off lonely than with a group of asshole losers
I bought a Howitzer canon to direct all my anger into like you suggested but all the surrounding villagers are starting to resent me lobbing 150mm shells all over the neighbourhood when I get pissed off....
School is state operated day care. So the parents can go to work and be taxed. That's all it is and all it ever was. Which is a bit of a damn shame. They claim they're teaching kids stuff while they're in school but facts differ from that narrative.
@@1pcfred I totally agree with you and not to mention a training ground to get kids used to working when they are older. To be "Another brick in the wall".
@@shanepatrick641 there is an element of institutional training involved with public schools. Where children are taught to conform. At least that's how it was where I went to school.
What Jordan Peterson was saying was, play the game in such a way as to win the set of all games. It’s not just about one hierarchy - although it’s important- it’s about winning the hierarchy of all hierarchies. Playing that game properly is more important. That’s what he was saying, which is the same point you are elaborating. But I am curious what he would say in response to bullying. He got his fair share online and on interviews, and man, he handled it like a pro.
People always talk about bullies as if they're simple to defeat once you understand their insecurities. The sad truth is, bullies spend their entire lives in conflict and they know how to deal with it a lot better than most people. Thinking of them as insecure losers may help you feel better (and is usually true) but it won't help you actually defeat them in the real world.
The part where Jocko describes how he reacted to his kids coming home with an emotional issue made me think of my own dad. My own Dad would have lectured me on how hard life is as an adult and that I have it easy so I should stop crying or he’d beat my ass. No wonder I have no motivation to be in social situations as an adult.
@@michael43567 I believe they were sent to my mom by the state, and yeah that’s the sucky part of it is the social aspect, I was homeschooled from forth to finish but when I turned 16 I got a part time job at the local theatre and after a few cringeworthy months I was socially accepted 😂😂
no it’s def not but it’s a place where certain people learn dangerous habits because they get away with it without being held accountable. so they’re children until the day they croak .
Bullying doesn’t necessarily stop, it only evolves, so I have to disagree with Jocko there. It can be found in your workplace or any social places you frequent. The idea is to learn to stand up for yourself even if it means learning later in life.
Standing up for yourself means what? You need to avoid bullies in life, realize they're no good and treat them like crazy people. That means no personal talk, no display of emotions around them, just pure business if it has to be done. Less they know you less the damage they can do. If it gets physical get a weapon, chances are you are outnumbered because they attack in groups. Forget about being nice, after school it's life or death with bullies, you have to be ready to take theirs if they don't stop. It's way easier to avoid them after school and they know it so they will act nice at first.
"High school is not life!" Well said Jocko. If I had that sage wisdom available to me 30-plus years ago, I probably could've saved myself a lot of aggravation and frustration.
Girl: "How do I deal with bullying in high school?" Jocko: "NO ONE CARES! ECOSYSTEMS, JIU JITSU, PODCASTS, SEAL TEAMS, I MEAN I GET IT JORDAN PETERSON and my point is remember, no one cares.." Girl: "...."
I like that where you felt like your kids problems paled in comparison to what you were experiencing. I feel like that happens all the time with me and other people in the world. This was a good one.
Thanks #Jocko . I've listened to this podcast, and talked to my daughter (Asperger's syndrome), about immaturity & how people act to those not a part of a clique. When she is picked-on, her three best friends stay quiet, acting invisible. And that's understandable. What keeps her ahead of the mean kids, is she is definitely smart. Sixth grade, and taking ninth grade science & math. Her dream: She wants to be in the U.S. Navy Submarine service. What girls love watching submarine movies & documentaries?
I like looking up vids on ships and submarines cause they’re interesting but forget me working in one. that’s really cool. tell her crazymacedonianboi sends his respects.
This video throws me back to 2017, i worked as a lifeguard in a poor part of town, and there was this kid who was super smart, around 10 years old, he was also pretty much abandoned by his family, he bullied other kids in the park, even stole a bike one time, but he had smarts. I showed him how he absolutely didn't care about rules could get you in trouble within every small "ecosystems", in fact, you get kicked out if you get caught not following the rules... wether it be the pool, school, a job or even society if you get thrown in jail. For the rest of the summer I never caught him bullying other kids or breaking pool rules, and i'm a good watcher. He might have played me for a fool, but he seemed honest. I gave him a lesson and a bit of envouragement, and I like to think that i helped a little guy out in life.
I was a security guard and a 12 year old stole a cheap item. I had a similar conversation. I really hope it made a difference. I know in my life one line can change everything.
Use truth and love/compassion with every action you make, and you will often become a truthfully great person. It's hard, but people honor truthful people, these are the people we see as idols. So, look forward to that future, where you are respected, and you can feel good knowing you are respected for the right reasons.
This is comment that gives a good perspective about bullying that I once read: Folks. This is rotten that this happens. But you can't just attack the bullying and expect it to stop. It's inherent in human nature. Bullying is a way for young males to achieve a social cohesion and weed out the weak. Not saying it's right, it's simply the nature of humanity. You can't coddle and shelter your children from the ugly aspects of the real world and expect them to be strong and succeed. You need to PREPARE them to learn to deal with bullying. Teach them to expect it so it doesn't take them by surprise, cause them high levels of emotional stress, and drive them to suicide. Toughen your kids by being honest about the uglier aspects of the human condition. Then they'll know how to deal with this kind of thing, rather than resorting to suicide as their only way out. Kids are going to do this, no matter how much you try to change it. That's never going to stop. It's been an important aspect of human societal conditioning for hundreds of thousands of years of our evolution.
Great points Jocko. I actually realized this first when I was in my 20s. Ego is our biggest blinder and hindrance in life. When you realize that nobody cares, it is immensely liberating. Jordan Peterson's "lobster ideas" do have some truth, but JP thinks he knows more than he does, sees more than he sees, and he has a gigantic ego. Jocko is the real deal.
Very good points about ecosystems. Makes me think about a woman I know who talks incessantly about her kids. Now, when it comes to bullies, how about a video where Jocko gives pointers on beating the shit out of them? Instead of strengthening kids, the whole anti-bullying initiative has become a tool for silencing (bullying) those who engage in "hate speech" or diverge from the narrative. Kids, and adults are going to have to learn how to fight their own battles and not rely on others to protect them. That kind of independence makes for a tough society and the United States could definitely use some toughening up.
I'm past the stage of being bullied. However, looking back, I find that a condescending smile that says: "I don't care what you think, you're nobody to me" is very effective in putting them down. The bullys' goal is to think that he won - by showing him that you don't care, he loses. Nice to know that there are real men left in this world, need more of you guys...!!!
Dude this hit. I never really thought about it like this. This will make me be a better person if I apply it. I appreciate this message. The thought that “this is their world” is not something I ever thought of in that way. Thank you.
All good points Jocko. I was always a big kid growing up. I made friends with the small kids who were mouthy. The small, slight, small ones. They couldn't defend themselves physically, but they could verbally. So, I hung around them to learn language skills. I made friends with this small kid in the BSA. Chris Maxwell. Always picked on and miserable. So we paired up. Bigger kids stopped picking on him and we had the best conversations. The smarter and weaker kid prepared me for life, paradoxically. I never really cared about the bully. All I had to do was sit perched from on high and watch him get his comeuppance. The tyrant always loses. It's the same in the animal kingdom, especially among apes. Here are a few examples, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Lenin, Ceausescu, and Julius Caesar to name a few.
I’m small and I hit like a big guy . I got the strength of one and the first upload juggling and toying with that 110 pound kettlebell sums me up . arm wrestle me 💰💰💰. btw I weighed it in the “two hands anyhow “ upload in my basement. I train barefoot down there because it makes my feet strong too. my bones and tendon have always been naturally strong.
I was getting picked on for most of my childhood, even later during my mid-20's. Now at 35 years of age i carry with me the the horrible memories and damage that has been done to me which scarred me for the rest of my life.
So if you're being bullied in high remember that ecosystem doesn't matter? Except that for 4 years it does matter and you have to deal with it, possibly on daily basis, and telling yourself this "doesn't matter" is not going to cut it.This is not an effective coping mechanism. Verbal and/or physical abuse, destruction/vandalism of your property on a regular basis is traumatic and telling yourself this ecosystem doesn't matter as a method to deal with that is laughable.
@Captain Weeblez No fuckwit I don't. But I do realize that you're stuck there for 4 years and that bullies aren't going to leave you alone because you think they don't matter.
Love it! I have worked for many top companies and also many start ups. One thing about the big, top companies, I have observed so many people thinking they are great just because they work there, you know better than others that work somewhere else. What you are saying confirms my position, "no one who is outside of a givenx environment cares". I worked for the worlds leading manufacturer of surgical robotics. A great company! Great leadership! Almost everyone who worked there seemed to think they were the best or better than others simply because they worked there. I left. The lure of the money couldn't hold me. The sense of self importance couldn't hold me there. I stepped out of that "ecosytem" and outside I found that no one cares. I have never been happier than I am today and a big part of that happiness was realizing the importance of being true to myself and my values. I translate your message into this "don't let the beliefs of others define you".
There are a lot of people who still live that lifestyle!! I went to my wifes class reunion a couple of years ago, and about 10 of those people were still stuck in high school mode, and this is 35 years after high school!! They ended up getting 80% of the people there back into that mode as well. When they came up to me and tried starting their BS, I simply stated: "there's a reason I carry a gun", and then walked away. Never got messed with again, and they all seemed to mysteriously calm down after that.
This talk really helped me deal with past trauma from bullying when I was at school in central london (UK) where there were loads of teenage gangs roaming around and preying on kids making their way home by public transport. One time I was followed into a shop and they tried to take money from me right there in broad daylight with people watching and no-one intervened to help because a lot of these kids carried knives. No-one told me how to understand and deal with it back then. At a later stage I did a basic course of Jeet kune do which helped with confidence but I reckon it's probably a false sense of it because to this day I've never been in a physical fight with anyone in my life. I almost want to pick a fight with someone to get it over and done with - fear of physical confrontation - will I be able to handle myself if my back was against the wall? Martial arts is all just theory and drills at the end of the day until it is used in a real life situation. Later still I moved with my wife to another country, Poland where finally I feel again much much safer. I think recent nightmares of bullying were triggered recently by one of the other dads at kindergarten making fun of my "posh" english accent which is what the gangs used to to. Recently I've been struggling with pent up rage towards this guy and have found myself trying to avoid him on the school run to pick up my kid, which is almost every day! and now I'm not sure how to handle it, such a funny situation! This turned into a form of journaling I guess. Not expecting advice, just want to be heard. If my kid comes home one day and says he's been bullied, I sure as hell am not going to dismiss it the way my parents did. I want to explain to him like this Jocko guy - memorise what he said word for word if I have to so I am ready for that moment when it comes and I know it will sadly.
Hey man, I know it's been a long time but how have you been? I also have yet to encounter physical confrontation besides me learning the theory and train boxing
Everyone that gave me a hard time in school eventually left town.... It was a blessing on my part... then later on we grow up, I see what they're up to, and let's say their record is Stainedd.. it killed me for the most part, because being raised by immigrant parents, that didnt care for recreational activities and engagement, I felt like I was missing out on a lot. And these kids did it all, and they had it all... then they carry that same attitude into adulthood and see there's consequences to be faced. Makes you wonder what their malfunction is.. Like, didn't mommy & daddy give you enough attention when you were a child, Smhhh
I was bullied a lot in primary and middle school. Also in the workplace in my first years I was and still am getting bullied almost on daily basis by egoistic manipulating co workers. It takes experience and to build a shield against these types of people.
Bullying was the reason my best friend joined the military. Now he looks like jocko and will not get bullied ever again. He was more disciplined than I gave him credit for al those years.
The only way to handle bullies is to completely ignore them, they'll keep trying but if they always get a reaction it will be worse, give them the cold shoulder, act as if they don't exist like ghosts you can't see or hear. If your walking keep walking, if your reading, keep reading, keep doing what you are doing. Hell, where earplugs in the halls, then you really won't hear them.
You know what i am doing this for almost one year now its hard man it feels like shit when ever you go out every single person stares at you in very humiliting way everyone around you gossips about you there are all rumour about you they rip down your characters this so tough to go through Mann and it feels shit mann it does feel terrible every one have a opinion about you which lies on the negative side offcourse this is very sad to go through but you have to because we can't do anything
I was born in 1965, boy and I was bullied, at infant and junior school. When I went to the local Comprehensive School, UK. I started training with weights and did karate, I had to great male coaches, who were the closes I had to a FATHERS, figures. In the end I dealt with the bullies, I would step in and stop bullying of other children. Bullies made me strong, physically and mentally.. I mean this to all of them.. Thank You!!! You won't be a kid forever, the best way for revenge is becoming successful. I'm not successful or rich, I'm a normal every day guy. But those bullies now still give me respect. Just be strong, it isn't easy, but don't let those Wankers beat you, it's a temporary bed, like camping.
You know after watching this I've sort of realised that the reason why you see successful people in the world who have made it to the top of the hierarchy and have done unique and interesting things and have changed the world is because they ignored every unnecessary thing or person, or dumb affair that in reality had nothing to do with their success and in fact what really are dumb distractions. Instead focused on themselves, family, friends, and the people they cared about and most importantly they're passion and from there climbed to the top. They went tunnel vision. They focus less on others and what they had and where they were and focus on themselves and there own personal ecosystem they created themself, based off their passion. They were more concerned about climbing to the top by means of achieving personal goals instead of climbing over other people. They didnt compete against others they competed against themselves. You are your worst enemy in some cases and if you can over come yourself and the negative thoughts and things around you then your pretty much unstoppable.
Some people do not give you the option to ignore them. You have to learn to stand up for yourself. Some of those successful people, that you wrote about, bullied others on their way to the top.
@@Ojthemighty the secret to emotional resilience and stability is working on yourself. Learning and hobbies and exercise are the only things that make the world easy. We need to teach kids this because the world is always going to be imperfect.
right . how are they the good guys when they don’t care about teaching kids to be more civil. I’m civil but not if someone starts running their mouth because they can’t outsmart me on issues I understand.
Ok children. My original comment was kinda lazy. The point I had in my mind was more about how I watched this video about him telling a story about how to handle people who pick on you. By the end of it he had offered nothing helpful to the girl who asked beyond "highschool isnt life". What a horrible thing to say to a young girl who is suffering. Yes being an adult is much harder, but we were prepared for the pain by enduring all of the "relative" pain along our road to adulthood. What upsets me is that adults become so jaded and out of touch with the very real pain of young people that they simply dismiss it as unimportant. For the children it is as real as our so described "real life pain". You cannot communicate wisdom to a child who hasn't earned its meaning. Instead you must filter that wisdom into helpful advice relative to their experience.
