The #1 Most Important Thing for Getting Back Together (And 5 Things That Don't Matter) 

Listen to Clay. He speaks a lot of sense and I've kept these things in mind talking with my ex and its really started working.

I cannot believe this didn't receive more, "likes" than it truly deserves for your algorithm.

I do get a lot of hope when I listen to these videos. I hope more than anything it proves to be true for me and him. Thank you

Hey clay, Im currently going through a breakup, she broke things off about two weeks ago and she got with a rebound 6 days later. Your videos have really helped me see and flushed out my worries about them. Im seeing her in person do to a bowling party that we were both invited too and its 1 day after my month of active no contact. Her new rebound will probably be there but Im set on starting our connection again thanks to you. You've inspired me to keep going!

Clay is best just love positive vibes I go back to old video gold in mine thanks you save people life and relationship .

Please add a video related to long-term marriages ending in divorce due to an affair but months after the divorce you realize you still love each other

Hi guys, I need some advice. Because I am really hurting and I don't know what to do. About a four weeks ago my ex boyfriend dumped me. He said that it is because he wants to be "free minded" and doesn't want a comintment. I asked what happened that he changed his mind and he said that nothing that he just doesn't want to be in a relationship. And I asked if in under any circumstances we can make it work. The next week we talked about it and the day after he came to me and said that he wants to try it again. Because he's not really sure if he loves me, but he really likes me and cares about me and that he can't stand seeing me sad (we go to school together). Well I asked if he wants to try it in a longer term and he said that he thinks that it will be over after graduation, that's two months. And I said that I don't want that, that I think that if we are going to work on this relationship it's not possible to have it just for two months. Well, after two days we met again and he said that he want to end it. And I said okay, that I get it. And we talked for almost two hours and then he said that he doesn't want to end it, that he doesn't want to lose me. So I said to him to take some time and really think it thru because he was changing his mind day after day. Well, the next day he TEXTED me that he really wants to be alone, that he doesn't want a relationship. But he wants to stay friend, because he really likes me and cares about me. I was devasted and I stopped texting him and talking to him in school. I only said to him that I can't be just friends, that I want him to be happy, even if it's not going to be with me, but that I am not able to talk to him like nothing happened. So, I was thinking that if I applyed the no contact rule he may come back. Because he still likes me, he looked devasted too. But after a weeks he's acting like it was nothing for him. He's at his best. He's talking about his life like it's the best thing. So, I thought that it is just a mask. That he's hurting inside. But today I discovered that he is texting his ex girlfriend, that he texted her the first time that he broke up with me and told he that we broke up, and that he was texting her even when we were still in a relationship. So, I don't know what to do. I was devasted and I thought that he just doesn't want a relationship and I got it. I thought that if I would give him some time, not just this four weeks I was going to apply the no contact rule for longer, that he will change his mind. He said to me that he doesn't have much time because of school and college entrance tests and football. And that he really likes sport and we are not sporting together. I started running, not just because of him, but it is was gets me to run. Because I thought that he will liked it. I thought that if he will see me that I am positive and that i am doing some sport and trying be my best that the spark will come back. But now I really don't know. I want to confront him and asked him about her, but I know that it will make things even worse, because emotions will overtake me. And I don't know what happened during the relationship that he started texting her. I don't know if I should still try to get him back. I can't get him out of my head. I really love him and I think that he's the one. That he's just not ready. That he needs some time to realized it. But I am guessing that he just wants to have fun relationship without comintment. And especially not with me, but with her. And it drives me crazy. Can someone give me some answers or help? Or did anyone gone thru something similar? Do you think that I am supposed to still try it? After graduation we are going to live in different cities and now I have three weeks before tests start. Three weeks of meeting him every single day. And then? I may not see him never again. It hurts so bad. What am I supposed to do? Please help. PS: in a week it's going to be my birthday and we had it planned. Now it's going to be really depressing. But he was talking that he has a gift for me already. How should I react if he's planning on giving me something? Well, little update. Yesterday I was talking with one of our mutual friends and she said to me that they were talking about our break up and that he said that it was hard for him at the beginning (being alone and not talking to me), but now that he's used to it. And that he's happy. So.. He probably moved on. And I'm back at the day one after the break up. I thought from some of his actions that he still cares about me and that we can make it work after little bit of time and work. But he's happy without me. I don't know what to do.

+ clay Andrews my ex broke up with me and me and her have been talking on and off trying to improve our interactions and one day she was talking about me saying that I am good to her but not good for her what does that even mean I'm so confused right now

How do you do any of this when you're blocked and she don't wanna talk, yet you have good intentions and are committed to change and progress?

yes that is possible if the ex. help with this situation.

Hey Clay. I been watching you for some weeks now. I’m appreciative of your positivity but my situation is complex. I am trying to get better with my reactions during “the situation” we all are in and I became apart of the “pandemic break up wave” What makes it harder is I live with her. What do you recommend ? How do I get the woman back that I’ve been blessed and fortunate to share my life with for 6 years ?

Hey Clay, if you could make a video that relates to my situation that would be greatly appreciated. Basically we were dating for 14 months then two months ago she broke up with me. We were kind of friends for about a month after that because we had three classes together everyday so we wanted to try to make it work. During that time outside of school we had quite limited contact and I took that time to improve myself and a little over a month after she broke up we went to an event that I got her tickets to for her birthday, which was a few weeks before the breakup. When we got back to my house we watched a movie and by the end of it we were having the most intimate makeout session we ever had (we both believe in waiting until marriage so it was essentially a hookup for us) and then we went out to dinner after and talked about getting back together. Fast forward to two weeks ago, we had gotten to the point of where she was basically begging me to ask her out. She knew I was going to, I just wanted to wait until the two months to the day after breaking up so we could continue where we left off, and I wanted to get her a gift that she said she'd never break up with me if I asked her out with it (as a joke, because we learned that making those promises was a recipe for disaster). Anyway two days before I was going to ask her out she went cold and said she needed time to think about it, and it was also during that time that she moved to her summer house 45 minutes away. During the time between then and yesterday she had been hanging out with her friends and having a ton of fun, and unfortunately her best friend is single and her life revolves around guys but my ex is way more attractive than her friend so all the guys end up contacting my ex trying to get with her instead. Anyway last night we talked and she said she isn't attracted to me anymore and doesn't want to date me and that she thinks that all of that happened only because she missed loving someone and being loved by them in return, and that the time off has given her time to realize that her reasons for breaking up with me are valid and that she still stands by them (being that I'm going to college next year even though I'm staying in town, that we apparently bring out the worst on each other, that she likes other guys, that she doesn't fully trust me, and that we are too clingy and don't do well with distances). That leads us to this morning where I was planning on not contacting her but then when she contacted me and I responded, she got mad and said I'm too attached to her to just be friends. She said that we both need time to heal and that she can't promise that we'll ever talk again, let alone be friends. So now she thinks that no contact, which I was going to suggest at some point today if she tried talking to me, was her idea and that I'm too weak to be able to call that shot on my own. Since her mom is a trained counselor, she has always been raised to consider the entire situation then choose the best path and stick to it and since she's kind of stubborn, I can't say for sure that she'll ever reconsider contacting me. I also don't want to run the risk of healing and contacting her, only for her to not be fully healed yet or believing that I'm not healed and putting up major walls of reactance or seeing me being nice as an attempt to get back together with her and stopping contact for good. She also gets quite attached to people so the fact that she is able to be okay with potentially never hearing from me again and the fact that she said she has other guys that she likes doesn't help me emotionally and makes me question whether or not I'll be able to get her back. I'm just not really sure how to go about any of this and any help you have would be amazing.

My ex and I have been in this cycle for years. But this past year, we’ve gotten closer then we have. He always says we’re just friends. But he acts like he’s in love with me. Looks at me like a man in love. But he lies to me about his feelings because he’s trapped in this controlling relationship with his girlfriend who cheats on him but has complete control of his every move. He told me she has him under her tight control. I don’t understand why he’d want to continue a relationship with someone like this. I tell myself he’s not happy because if he was, then why would he continue this emotional relationship with me for a year. Am I just kidding myself? We work together, so we clearly can’t stay away from one another. I know it can’t be all in my head because I found out recently that our coworkers think we’re sleeping together, even though we aren’t. How could they think that unless we truly are acting like two people in love?

But how do you clear it out? My person and I aren’t speaking and I have no way of conveying to him the massive amount of self work I’ve done.

Hi Clay, I would really like you to answer one question I have. I watched your videos and did like you said. After a month and a bite of doing the active no contact I met my ex and we had a really mininful conversion about life and laugh and just had a good time. Then he kissed me and I asked him, Are we together again? he said that he don't know and he will think about it-and I said that I will be ok with any of his dedications. A day after he send me a text at night saying he wants to continue making me fill like he is mine by kissing me, sleeping together, have miningful conthersicions but we can meet other people at the same time it really heart me but I desided to take at easy in the text and said that I think we better be friends as much as I love doing all of things with him . So my question is: If I agried would it make him fall in love with me again in time or he would equally find a new girlfriend at this time and and then we will stop doing all of this like he said?

Cool clay

What if you were in a committed relationship for 4 months. He moved into my house. Then 2 months after moving in he realised he wasn't over the hurt from his previous relationship of 13 year that he was out of for 5 months when we met. Am I the rebound? We were on a break for a few months but now broken up. He said he needs to live his life and if we are meant to be it will happen. Please HELP!!! Thank you!

I'm currently talking to my ex again it's been about a week and half the last few nights and as it goes on we are talking more I owed her money and that's what drew us back to talking but I also wrote a song for her and made sent ut to her she really liked she swas crying and told me we can talk from now on as friends we had a bad ending fighting arguing it was my fault I have bad anxiety and I drew into myself and stopped talking well last night we talked for over 4 hours we are doing our taxes together but the on the middle of everything she says you know were not together right I said I know she said she wants to start off as friends this time and help eachother when we need it and she said wants to get some lunch insaid ok that is fine with me I'm still confused shes no the type of person to use people also her daughter lived with us and we had a room right below us so she could hear us arguing so shes not to happy about me still to this day so I think that's holding her back as well please get back with me

i HAVE A BIG QUESTION HELP After 26 year and seperated for 4 month . He was not texting back if i text him .so i started calling him 2 weeks ago and it was all good , he told his sister he was starting ta talk ta me . And my relistate call him and said we will just sit on the house for a while case you 2 go back he didnt even said we are done and sell the house . I seen him not good he said we are done . I told him i loved him and i had ta be with someone that loved me and respected me and i walked put the door . He said it was done is it or back off for right now

How do you clear out these negative emotions? I'm still on speaking terms with my ex but the more I talk about the relationship the more she feels pressured that I'm trying to get us back together and pulls away.

Good Morning Clay, how can I emotionally connect with her if she won't respond to me. We were married for 18 yrs and Thanksgiving last year she said she loved me so much it hurts I told her the same thing and told her I wanted her back. Then 2 weeks after that she got into a relationship with someone she used to work with. He lives in Florida and we both live in Ohio (separate of course). Then we hooked up in January and thought I was on the right track now nothing. How can I emotionally connect if everyone is always in her ear? I really want her back to put our family whole again. By the way she is now engaged but we aren't divorced yet and she harbors all the negative feelings for me and can't see all the good times we had.

Clay, am so confused! A guy has come back into my life who is attractive because he knows how to take care of himself in a wholistic and disciplined way. He's someone who I can look up to. But I love my ex. But I don't want to be his mother figure it take care of him. What do I do if I find myself caught?

I am in a long distance break up after a 5 year relationship and 1of those year was long distance. My ex dump me cheating on me 6 month ago and now she is in a rebound relationship and living with that guy. She calls every morning but I try so hard to make the conversation good but she dont put effort to pay attention to what I said and then she end the conversation until the next day or sometimes maybe send me a text during the day. I feel like she wants to be with the other guy and uses me like her second option. What I can do? If i got to wait for 6 month until I can fly to her country to meet up with her? What are my chances?

So... how do you build the emotional connection? I'm currently "friends" with my ex

My ex and I broke up last 2 weeks because she needed space as i was being to needy but we are still in communication, i planned on doing the no contact rule, but then she initiates reaching out to me, first she ask how is our dog doing, then she shares about her day and now she told me she wanted a plant, then after a series of conversation, she's back again at being cold. What do i do mister clay?

How can you build these deep emotional connections when she says she needs space?

Hi Clay! My ex left me a year ago after having spent 5 months with me. We remained Friends and 4 months ago he started to back off, because I am a loss of time and he wants to look for love. I stalked him, didn't leave him in peace, then we struggled and one month ago he cut off Contact. I met him a week ago by the lake and I wanted to say Hi, but he asked me to go away and f...off. On Friday I met him on a meeting and I totally ignored him and not said even "Hi", not looked at him..I feel so bad now and would like to apologise to him. I love him and I am not like him! What should I do Next time?? I want to talk to him again some time in the future.

I would appreciate advice! My partner and I were together for 2 years but towards the end I was in a bad mental space we fought a lot and he broke things off with me. I begged for a bit, he said he would reconsider leaving me, but a few days later he kept with his decision to separate and returned gifts I gave him to me. Im doing therapy and working really hard to improve my mental health for myself but also so I can win him back but I don't know how to go about getting him back. We have been apart for almost 30 days now he hasn't contacted me, he unfollowed me on social media. I'm unsure if or when I should initiate contact?

What does it mean when my ex tells me I'm like a brother to her?

Lol omg lol haha haha eheheh