Different people react badly to different aspects. But that door slam without a backwards glance, or regret really seems to bother people. If it’s not that, it’s the precognition. I don’t think they’re “shocked” by my deep diving- they’re horrified by their acquiescence to it. 😂
The door slam isn't always about the other person. If someone gets the door slam; they should inquire as to why. Instead of instantaneously getting upset. Nobody likes door slam. It is never what someone perceives it to be as to why.
How I remember details that they have told me about their life. They often ask in shock, "How did you know that?" 😅 The emotion they expressed along with their story helps me remember what they have said in the past because it meant a lot to them.
1. Withstanding social pressure 2. The INFJ dares to go deep 3. Having a single future focus 4. The INFJ is incredibly mysterious 5. The INFJ is incredibly strong-minded
I’m nearly 70. It’s taken me all my life to understand that I can live without friends. My family loves me ,and my husband loves me. I do what I want and I no longer justify myself to anyone. My anxiety levels are down , and I wish I had closed the door years ago.
Literally people will judge and talk no matter what you do. Often the same people will do it over the exact opposite things. They're just not able to not do it so the best thing we can do is just be ourselves and do our thing, they're going to criticize anyway so we might as well just make our life choices according to what will ultimately make us happy, as long it doesn't hurt anyone they can say whatever, I stopped caring around age 25
The section starting at 4:30 reminded me of when I had to quit one of my jobs because I was facing unbearable disrespect. I won't get into all the details, due to it being a longish story. What I said to the Supervisor disrespecting me is: "you think I need people to like me?! I don't care about that! I'm here to come to work, do my job, and go home. I don't give a crap if anyone likes me! I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to pay my bills, put food on the table, and keep the roof over my family's head. That's it!
People have a hard time creating boundaries. Not everyone at work is your friend. When you have boundaries and are private, people at work hate it and take it personal. And that’s not the case, sometimes it’s because you like to separate the work/personal lives, or you can easy read people so well that you don’t want to really engage because they are toxic/jealous.
For trait number 2, I put it into words like "I can talk for hours with you but still tell you nothing about me" XD. No matter how much I talk, I am aware of the information I share. I can keep my conversation flowing smoothly, sometimes for hours, but never give them any truly personal information (psychologically) related to myself. Still looks deep engaging and personal, but still I keep my true self covered. It is like even INFJ small talks are the deep ones, but not always personal and revealing their true identity. Sometimes, I use this to trick people I do not really care about anymore since the relationship becomes unbalanced and unhealthy, or just to look friendly in front of new friends.
My experience is that people don't understand anything no matter how sharing or open you are. I've taken both approaches, and found that you easily find yourself explaining yourself all day to others amounting to no understanding of you at all. Basically I've given up on it, it's not woth the energy expended. They can think what they want, I genuinely don't care. I've got plenty on offer. It's not hard to get. Don't appreciate it? Go find yourself another friend.
I keep commenting that she has changed my life and I’ll say it again. I’ve become so much stronger and comfortable with who I am since I started watching your videos. A big THANK YOU!!!!
I thought the first time I realized that bringing my best to everything was exhausting, I was too full of myself. Now I realize I give a lot more than is necessary at the slightest inclination from someone else to make them comfortable, peaceful and/or happy.
It funny she was mentioning trait 2 " The INFJ might need me less than I need them." I felt that in my soul! I use to tell people "You'll need me before I'll need you!" And i ment every word!
I being a black sheep in the society and my both families thought that I am bad cuz all those peoples won't be wrong. On one fine boring day going through utube videos I found a video discussing different personalities i checked mine and at my 46th year i came to know that i am an infj and is the reason i being a black sheep . Teachers should be given training to know kids personalities and deal them according to it and make their life successful
Some of the things I've said that has silenced people: "I've never been one to follow the crowd". When someone thinks there's only one way of doing things: "They're your rules, not mine" or "My way is not the only way; my way is just another way. The same goes for you".
I can definitely withstand social pressure. It might seem conceited sometimes, but I just don't care to follow the crowd. I might agree with people on some things, but I don't agree just to go along with the crowd, I'll choose to agree on points that I want to agree on regardless of what my friends or family members think. Interesting that people get scared because we are not showing them who we are. I mostly feel like I'm an open book most of the time, but I find that if it's just superficial conversation that the people around me are having, I feel like they can't get to know me on a deeper spiritual level. I don't care to talk about my job or what I've been doing throughout the week because it feels so same and boring. I would prefer talking about the mysteries of the universe over the mundane life things.
So true 🙏💓.. That exaggerated expression with ppl it is too much.. even when my friends with me.. notice it it's not just me thinking .. that ppl just go off or snap.. without me doing anything.. Even a boss announced " what the hell.. someone always wants to start shit with this girl every 2wks" Or have power tripping issues try to provoke.. I hate it This is so true... **Where is the love by Black eyed peas** just came to mind..
For me it is definitely strength, and how strong I can come out when angered. Exactly as you described, people are really taken aback. I used to work with a team of really strong women, the joke was our boss liked alphas. Events occurred and I calmly resigned. I'm told that team stared at each other and said "She just out-alphaed the alphas". No one saw it coming. I think it was the work version of a door slam. I was done, moving on. Thats what came to mind listening to this video. Ive definitely definitely been accusrd of not sharing myself, too. Which is true. Forget it, the whole video struck a chord!
I have always looked 10 miles down the road. By definition that’s exactly the definition of anxiety. Looking towards the past is depression. In hindsight it’s actually kept me out of trouble. I have morals values and principles that I don’t break for anyone. It’s my moral code, if I don’t have that; then I’ve totally lost myself.
It's not often that someone literally speaks my most inner beliefs. And, of course, it would be another INFJ. I'm the older INFJ. And I've thought a lot about what you've spoken about in some of your videos regarding older INFJ vs younger INFJ. I think that I never paid attention to whether or not people really knew me when I was younger. I was intent on hiding myself from the world. (trust issues). I was also very interested in helping everyone else. Now, I am at home and on disability, so I'm happily at home. And the funny thing is that an INTJ male, of all freaking people, one of my best friends, has made me start to want to allow certain people to see me for who I really am for the first time in my life. Along with this a few weeks ago, I had a really traumatizing event, which made me question if I had made a huge mistake by sharing. After a lot of grief and soul searching and talking it out, we worked it out together. Things are good again for the most part. I just wonder why it took so many years to finally feel it was safe to truly open up to someone.
So nice to hear this! I ask myself too why it took so long but things happen when they’re supposed to. I’m so happy I’m more comfortable with who I am too!! Let’s keep it going!
Because we all learn, internalize and take action aka ahh ha moment, at different times in our life. I’m just starting to realize who I am and your story hit me. Thank u for sharing and congrats for making that progress on your journey. Please celebrate it, and u. (I personally still having these same kind of self issues but now it’s only like 25% of the time, before it was always) keep on ❤
@@ARavenSpeaks Honey, when it does get easier, it's even better than an "aha" moment. Knowing yourself almost profoundly makes you privately giggle sometimes when you have one of those, "I got this" moments. lol you'll see what I mean.
I'm a young INFJ, and I'm currently working on my personal development. And I have been struggling with my friendships recently, its like I never connect to people, which makes me feel lonely and not being understood. But after I watched this video I think I'm figuring out how and what I should do. :] Thank you so much Wenzes! I gotta say your videos have always helped me in one way or another. I appreciated it a lot! :) Please keep on helping others INFJs out there too! Blessed to all INFJs~ (/^▽^)/ ♡
The thing is, you don't need to have my weakness because INFJ are dedicated and authentic. The probability of us giving up for just any random reason is unlikely. It's more likely we observe and power through until an ultimate conclusion can be made on the future of the situation. Like, will there be improvements that usher permanent change or are there differences that can not be fixed or be made acceptable to deal with.
I think I have learned to be very vulnerable and open as a INFJ particularly with a love interest. My current GF (who is going through a lot personally right now and has come to a life changing moment I think) has seen all of me. I have been very open towards her, open about how I feel, what I think and what I choose. Where her path leads at the moment I don't know, I hope she chooses me, but....I do fear that she might not, that this will turn into a friendship only. Which will be sad, but I must admit and remember that at least, at 41, I got to feel what it is like to have found "my person". To have found someone with who I do not feel weird with. To have found home.
“Always this protection layer”, yes. At the same time our openness. So, “this is something people find uncomfortable, but this is also something deep to our heart”
This all has helped me in business more than in personal life as I can be the snake in the grass and get what I want easy without the other side realizing it. Personally I struggle as once they know me they often times disappear so I have learned to show me sooner then later and if they are still around then build a relationship with them. So it takes a lot longer to make my move as I want to make sure the other side is comfortable with the real me as I don’t sugar coat myself if I want a relationship with that person(dating or friendship). Women hate that I take so long but I want to make sure they at least have a clue what they dealing with.
I can look in peoples eyes and know what they are thinking. Many time the other person picks up on this and when they do I change my gaze. I don’t really want to know what others are thinking usually so I have to try to turn this off
The eyes never lie!! I personally don’t like making eye contact. I always constantly will look into their eyes and quickly turn away. But my peripheral vision is always looking at my surroundings.
Its tricky because when i want to get to know someone, i wanna skip the small talk and start transparently engaging, but then reality hits, and people are like.. stunned by the immersion(?) and then i feel like im asking about Big Foot and chupacabra with them lol about their feelings and headspace lol
Been many times where I've been talking to someone online having a good conversation then I talk about my future and then they just ghost me. Even if its something they are interested in or whatever. *Poof* gone. Never to be heard from again. Im like wtf 😢
Yep. I've tried to go to chat rooms here and there. Goes alright for awhile and then one day boom. They turn. Keeps me wondering for weeks on end wtf I said or did that was wrong.
14:13 "Externally observable facts that back our story (Ni)" - I feel a bit relieved by this because if I were honest - not only do I create the vision but its stuck to me like glue and to let go of it is quite painful - but knowing that If what has happened does not align with my vision - let it go - BUT - from today's video- if I have External facts to support my vision - I can keep going - I don't know about other INFJS but I have the hardest time with this in romantic/friendships - Seems weird to me.
All of these apply to me, and I'm sure I have a lot of company here. Probably of these five characteristics, I have most been noticed with number one, number four, and number five. Withstanding social pressure just for the sake of it never appealed to me, but I always did my own thinking with plenty of blessings for my father, who was a poster child for the "Rugged Individualist." I think a combination of withstanding social pressure and being strong-minded was the biggest reason I chose to get married later in life regardless of what anybody else thought, including some family members. Also, if I had a dollar for every time somebody said they couldn't figure me out, I could have bought the whole city where I live. When I was younger, sometimes it was hurtful but as I got older I realized that it was the only way to live. I try to respect other people whose choices are different from mine, and it really is the only way to live. We get criticized by people from all different sides, so at this point in my life I figure that I may as well do what I like and do what's good for me and allow others to do the same.
Started to share a little more than the tip of my iceberg recently- after almost a year. I guess the other person got way too intrigued, excited or impatient, idk, but I had to slam the door when Sherlock started "fact checking" my amazing life- & confronting me with his findings as an internet sleuth. Creepy. I know I get to choose to reveal myself as I see fit, in my time. I don't owe anyone an autobiography with supporting documents in the first 6 months of "talking". I've had an amazing life & every year I could add a new volume to my series. People can't seem to keep up, it's a series of very thick books😆
@@jillybe1873 how awesome of you! thanks🙏 very insightful & intelligent you are! I'm working on a few things- sooooo hard to expose myself, so hard on myself. I like constructive criticism, hearing objective input but have nobody in my life who grasps the abstract. I'd appreciate having someone like you to critique, review, proof, etc. Would you be interested?
I’ve learned to get past the things that alienate people from me IF I’m interested in them. I’ve learned no man is an island, I need very very very little on one hand or a ton shit load on the other! So I’ve learned to moderate my actual involvements and it is superficial but very well meant. It’s an actual job. It’s worth it because just because a person sees things differently or conducts their lives differently doesn’t make them meant to be alone. In fact I think most people are deeply alone anyway once they really think about it. What I’m saying is it’s ok to be superficial for some things for part of the time and what I’m saying is when I’ve shocked some body in to avoiding me I go the distance I’ve created so they can actually realize where I am coming from…..from a good heart. If something about you is threatening or uncomfortable to people I personally think it’s time to moderate but for the right reasons. Not to fit in so much as to communicate something somewhat important… because it just feels like a good thing to do and still showing your true colors but not being overly pushy about it. It’s a vulnerable position to keep sharing more and a little more in a kind way….thats if you are still interested in that person
Who cares what others think! I'd rather see the moonlight and hear the new Jack Johnson album Meet The Moonlight. Or read the beautiful graphic novel Park Bench by Chaboute. And I am quite at home with myself. No need to wear a social garb. We have many dimensions and our future is not conventional. But truly exciting.
Initially going along with the other person’s quirks helps reveal more about themselves, and that’s pretty enlightening for me. It’s only AFTER that phase, when I start revealing myself in little bits, that they freak out.
Hi Weirdos!!!! I am in the house!!!!!! I am so happy to find this channel, it’s is freeing my ugly duck! I will be watching all the videos until I start to replay! 🎊 🎉
I can’t stand when I see almost all Americans following this 9-5 lifestyle. I’ve been this way for as long as I can. I would rather die than conform to any ideals that aren’t my own. I hate being told what to do. If anyone doesn’t like it, that’s on them because it’s impossible to change the way someone else feels towards you.
I love u wenzes. U help us try to celebrate and embrace our unique awkwardness if its even that😂 Anyway,i have a theory here fellow infjs, dont know if ull agree with me. I think the infj is God's attempt to create a being who'll succeed him, coz looking at it the infj is a being of solitude, universe broad wisdom, kind and fierce at the same time, mostly an observer than an engager, works in mysterious ways, non can resist the vibe of their presence in a given space and all our other beyond human gifts, isn't that God im describing? Puting modesty aside for once though ill come as a delusional young man, we are GODs among men people, its just that that idea scares us half to death. Who among us is ready to embrace godhood and bring this messed up world back to order, coz it's apparent that only we can. "Gods among men!" What say u fellow infjs? M i crazy
That concept is quite remarkable. I think one has to put aside the worry that others will see you as a "condescending elitist" and think about the idea seriously. There are theories that do hold water that we are all part of God and therefore Gods. INFJ do have the patience to pull it off. However, @user-zb8xp2zc4v, allow me to throw a wrench into the theory for a minute. I think that as INFJs, altho we do have and utilize logical and common sense thinking; we do not utilize it enough to make us completely efficient to be "Gods among men." If that is the case, then what or who do we need to complete the concept? The answer is obvious--INTJ. They are alike us in so many ways--with one major difference. We utilize more emotional thinking and they utilize more logical thinking, even tho each of us can easily use the other kind of thinking when necessary. So what do you think, my friend? Your thoughts coupled with mine--do they make a solid conclusion or are you or I or both FOS? I love the way your mind works. If we ever got together for coffee or... we would likely be talking for days, lol.
The cognitive INFJ in contrast to the INTJ who is a limbic existentialist with Ni-Fi is first & foremost a cerebral being, they are a very small proportion of the population & are Ni-Ti convergents: abstract cerebral conceptualises aka the philosophers. They are a thinking type. I wander how many people on here have actually been professionally typed? Dear Lord, the above comments I actually find completely flabbergasting; an actual cognitive INFJ of which I know a few would be cringing at the thought. We're talking about neuroconnectivity here re cognition; nothing more, nothing less. I don't mean this disrespectfully but please go and read Jung & credible sources before espouses such subjective pseudo scientific opinions
I get u Tified96, and im sorry if the idea of my comment was somewhat less appealing to u, this is a scientific matter of psychology and stuff, not that other thing. Thing is, our mind as u know it, it can be very creativity. Sometimes going to the extremes like mine did. I dont know, maybe i was trying to celebrate our kind and it came out wrong. We infjs rarely celebrate ourselves and boast u know that, and hear where we infjs come together, i thought hey why not share my crazy idea with people wholl judge me less harshly, which u did. Its was sharing a thought Tified96 that was it😁
we go deep bc we dont have a life😂😂we dont have a life to get busy with or dare to live it bc it can be confusing for us whenerever we try to do so we it can drawn us while others feels soo beautifully😢❤
1. With standing social pressure 1:18 2. The lNFJ dares to go deep 6:02 3. Having a single future focus 11:23 4. The INFJ is incredibly mysterious 14:31 5. The INFJ is incredibly strong- minded 18:09
Interesting. I have always lived in “survival mode”. I was poor and disabled, so maybe necessary in a hostile, conventional world? Being more open, a luxury that comes with growth and more independence? …………. We have to figure it out for ourselves.
I'm a Sigma and I have a backbone and a very strong mind, but the Holy Spirit that dwells in me is much much stronger. He does. He doesn't make an efforthe's always right is infinite wisdom. I'm just really lucky to have him as my very best friend hallelujah praise jesus
I can’t stop laughing. I have a example. Once again, young lady, you never cease to amaze me with your knowledge for me it’s Karen I attract Karen’s. There’s something about me and this personality type that attracts crazy women don’t even get me started.😂😂😂😂 I can laugh about it now because I understand why it still doesn’t change what I’ve been through lol it sure nice to have a better understanding of my crazy life with a Little help from my friends me and the girls appreciate you and tell the old man thank you for sharing his wife I know I’m not the only one that appreciates it the time you spend on this is a time away from your family and for people like us that’s important, but so is our calling and your husband understands that you chose wisely young lady it’s like navigating a minefield with this personality you can spend a whole lifetime trying to figure it out and you’ll still be clueless lol well maybe
+1 for only attracting crazy women. Oh my goodness....drives me mad. Find an interesting gal -> find out she's bonkers -> door slam -> on to the next. You're not alone boss. 😂
@texttwenty-nine1627 I think we only attract bonkers chick's becuase A, there is an interesting adventuresome fun quality & hey , we can fix almost anyting attitude.
What if they don't seem to really care to get to know you? How do you just share information about yourself if they don't ask? I figure, if they truly care, they'll ask. How do you go from someone thinking they can walk all over you to, hey, let's be friends? Lol
I'm pretty sure I'm a save my what's the initials MNJ. I'm pretty certain because I like to be alone. I'm also a scorpio, and in the oriental calendar. I'm a snake and I've lived this situation. My whole life that I had to like learn to viciously defend myself because I'm a target. I'm a target everywhere I go, and I'm really used to nobody but my point is that sig my mails. We have I love the word of God. The holy word of God is who I really am more than a Sigma. More than anything i'm a child of god almighty
What if I don't want an epic life? I don't care if I die tomorrow I did all that I wanted, well mostly, you know, humans always "want" more. What to do then? I really want to spend the rest of my life trying to solve the human problem.
