The Art of the Perfect FRIEND TRIP | plus Dealing with Negative People

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EP 74 - Not for Enabling Negative People + An In-Depth Recap of Our Trip to LA
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This week, Jess and Caroline discuss all things couple culture, like when baby talk is appropriate, putting on non-sexual performances for your partner, and engaging in bits that, sincerely, only you and your person will understand. They also get into their couple culture with each other while recapping their recent trip to LA-which is full of general travel complaints and how they overcame them all.
Plus, they get deep on what it means to let people experience their own negative emotions. What if we didn’t need to “fix” every scenario for others? They talk about how to respond to chronic complainers, what to do when you feel like you’re shutting down, and how to still find a way to keep these people close in our lives. Also, don’t miss the wrap-up conversation about friends’ siblings’ baby pictures…whose side are you on?
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Not for Everyone is a podcast hosted by one hater (Caroline Winkler) and one lover (Jess DeBakey), with new episodes every Thursday.
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And FOLLOW US on Instagram for more:
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This episode was produced by none other than our prince, @abinewhouse.
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Share with a friend! Subscribe and rate us on your favorite podcasting app! Review us on Apple Podcasts!
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Contents of this Video
00:00 - Intro
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𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐑
All opinions are our own. We are not therapists or mental health professionals, or really professional of any kind. Please see your own professional or counselor for professional support. Do your research and be safe!
Intro Music: “Doja Dance” by PALA
#podcast #selfhelp #comedypodcast #bestfriends

Опубликовано:

30 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 68

@fluentdogtraining5047 4 месяца назад

My husband and I have a song: Look at that cat (point at one of the cats), look at that cat (point at one of the cats), look at that cat (point at something that isn’t a cat)” and then the other person says “that’s not a cat” and the song continues

@caleighh6 4 месяца назад

😂 I love this hehehe

@brittannylarevitzear1869 4 месяца назад

I have a running bit where anytime we pass a random person on the street, I point and say "that's my dad" (they usually don't fit a dad-like description). My husband has taken to doing this, as well but he'll say "that's my ex". I also have songs for my husband and pets, of course. We're all just over here living the same life. Lol

@missletta7779 4 месяца назад

A simple “ that sucks” goes a long way. When you let it hang it comes off as judgmental , and things can get awkward. Don’t try to fix it, just say that sucks. And leave it at that. As someone who falls into the bad habit of complaining, this was eye opening to see how much it can bothers people. I think for me it’s just a habit of sharing all of my thoughts with people I feel close to. It never occurs to me that anyone would feel like they need to fix it.

@alisonbrugge 4 месяца назад

My husband and I have an ongoing bit about our dog. Her first love as a puppy was an old bloodhound dog named Doug who lived on the floor above us. She would look up and admire him while he sat on his patio. We’d joke that he’d tell her that he’s too old for her. She’s never gotten over her first love, Doug. Also, she has a squirrel therapist that she tells us about all of the time when she’s commenting on our poor parenting.

@maeskei 4 месяца назад

I sing to my bf all day and replace any occurrence of “baby” or “body” with “puppy”. For example Queen’s “Somepuppy to Love”. We also make up stories about my cat’s past life or her being in a control center watching my whereabouts, when I leave the house, and she wears a little headset and has her paws on the desk while she looks around at her several monitors.

@irenegrijalvotarres 4 месяца назад

Not the Prince rejecting your baby conversation via edit 🤣🤣🤣

@beckylovell9301 4 месяца назад

You'll understand once your sibling has a baby. Caroline spammed us with her sisters puppy. Its gonna be bonkers when a baby comes. And thats ok

@LindsPatz10 4 месяца назад

I’ve traveled with numerous friends and you begin to find out who you can travel well with. Beyond wanting similar experiences being helpful, that communication aspect for expressing feelings in the moment defines how the trip can go. Being flexible and able to handle small issues makes or breaks the criteria for who I choose to travel with now.

@kls0110 4 месяца назад

I do bits with my friends based on our pets. My cat is pisherman which is a fisherman but my cat isn’t very good at English so she messes words up a lot. My best friend’s cat is a DL gay boy who has dramatic flings with other cat boys in the neighborhood. My other best friend’s dog is Nana and she is the caretaker of all of our other pets because she’s old and protective and very wise. And there are various songs and other bits that help weave this rich tapestry together. I am very sad for people who don’t do this sort of thing, you have to make up ridiculous shit about your friends/animals, I don’t make the rules

@sarahu.38 4 месяца назад

2:12 I know you guys hate puns, but yoooooo, "fairy pod mommy" was a GOOD one.

@anyaroz8619 4 месяца назад

I have a friend who sends me pictures of her grand kids. I am a bit annoyed, but not about the pictures! I am annoyed about the pictures IN PLACE of other texts with real conversational topics. It's like, ok, I dig it - the babies are super cute, but can you be there for me a little beyond the babies? This is what drives me nuts, honestly and then it may appear that I hate the pictures or like I am not appreciative of the cuteness. Not true. I just feel like she is trying to substitute friendly exchanges with pointless cuteness... I don't know... Does anyone understand me? Am I making sense?

@kekica11 4 месяца назад

I think sometimes the baby pics are just used as a conversation starter, like "hey, you're on my mind and here's something I've been up to" - and after you respond with the requisite "wow what a cutie," you can then continue the conversation with something of your own... Or if texting isn't your thing, use the opportunity to say something like "That looks fun. How are you doing otherwise? What's a good time to chat and catch up?"

@ChristinaArdem 4 месяца назад

Caroline talking about her family experience makes me relieved & understood. I LOVE my family but visiting feels terrible in my body sometimes, especially family vacations.

@courtdahl04 4 месяца назад

took a trip recently with my bestie girl for her 30th and during our last night on the beach we’re roasting mallows being stupid silly giggling it up creating a whole bit about how sally who sells seashells by the seashore cannot stop eating said seashells that she’s collecting to the “my strange addition” type level and cannot stop hoarding all the seashells and gobbling them up it was a whole scenario expressed in the weirdest “babyesque”accents we’ve ever done which we then proceeded to develop into a new storyline about being gwizzy guzwas (glizzy guzzlers) but that’s a story for another day…anyway highly recommend those kinda friendships and quite loved this topic on today’s ep!!

@alexandraallen9960 4 месяца назад

My fiancé and I have an inside joke: “ Bob and attitude” that describes when our lab raises her eyebrows and her ears go back. She looks like a French girl with a bob and an attitude.

@kekica11 4 месяца назад

I find it funny when that person who's known for being difficult/negative ends up traveling (or going to dinner, event, etc.) with someone who's similarly difficult, and then bitches about how that other person is sooooo awful and opinionated and rigid and negative, blah blah...and thinks that they're the easy, flexible one in the situation. Instead, they just can't handle someone else being assertive and stepping on their toes. Unfortunately, those people tend to gravitate towards those of us that are easy-going, go-with-the-flow-types, and we get trapped in their web because of our people-pleasing tendencies. In recent years, I've been consciously practicing being more assertive around these people, and it filters out the people who are just looking for someone to orbit around them, as opposed to those who are actually interested in spending time with me for who I am and who value my opinion, even if it means we aren't always in agreement.

@kekica11 4 месяца назад

Oh! Also - I recently went to see Nikki Glaser at the Improv, and I felt like I was cheating on Jess somehow, sneaking around, seeing Nikki behind your back... I fess up! I did it! And I ain't even sorry 😝

@kassandrafurtado3234 4 месяца назад

I’m with Jess on looking at dog photos over baby photos

@ShilohShepherdmom 4 месяца назад

Caroline, it feels so good to hear someone else doesn't love (or even like?) to travel. I'm so sick of everyone between the ages of 18-40 sporting the "I just love to travel" mantra so hard that if you admit you don't like travel they look at you with incredulity or disgust as if you said "I like to eat babies." For a homebody like myself, who has also suffered IBS (the diarrhea kind) since she was 10, I'm apprehensive at best about most travel. I told my husband the other day I think the "I love to travel" thing is a red flag for me, telling me that person has a hard time finding contentment in life unless constantly moving/seeking novelty. He didn't agree with me and I might get some hate for saying it, but I stand by it!

@Emily-ln5ko 4 месяца назад

AGREE AGREE AGREE! You spoke my words!

@savanahmuses 4 месяца назад

💖💖 gosh yall are warming my heart and cracking me up!! -- I'm a single mom, but i do a lot of songs and comedy bits for my daughter and thankfully she loves them. She's actually asleep next to me right now but i could seriously not for a million dollars stifle my laughter between Papa New Guinea, the NICU, and the screenplay of Known 4 Dis

@janebendewald7365 4 месяца назад

I'm watching this podcast and I've watched others and it's interesting because watching on RU-vid you can see both your expressions and it seems like you guys are passive aggressive with each other yet you're also besties 🤔 No hate here! just an observation. I'm sure me and my best friend do the same thing. It's the part of our personalities that are different that we obviously clash with, but but more than that we're so much alike and the love and respect is there for sure❤

@sarakathrynfort 4 месяца назад

This is the perfect place for this story: years ago, I lived in Louisville. Came home v drunk from the bar and created a Plenty of Fish (wtf?). I forgot I had it for two whole weeks. When I finally remembered and found my way into my account, I had the longest message I've ever seen. It was stream of consciousness form about how he wanted me to dress him up like a baby and pretend to be his babysitter and his parents were coming home late and so on. It was so so so so so long and detailed. It was the scariest, funniest thing I've ever read and I so wish the message still existed. I practically burned that profile down immediately out of fear. 😂❤🎉

@chantz_a_loo 4 месяца назад

Their sibling’s baby is their niece or nephew and they became an auntie, think the baby is adorable and wanted to share that with you.

@leilaherandi4597 4 месяца назад

My ex and I had a bit where I was a timid woman called Consuela Penelope (NOT Penelope Consuela) and he'd rescued/smuggled me to the UK in a crate of tomatoes...

@AWildRadcliffe 4 месяца назад

This is amazing 😂😂

@TaylorBriscoe-q6b 4 месяца назад

For people needing a response/acknowledgement of their negativity, I've found the response, "What can you do to help yourself or change your situation?" It puts it back on them that they are responsible for their boundaries and feelings.

@duc25xr 4 месяца назад

That's a good way to annoy someone but I guess it's fair game since they are already annoying you

@catherineweir4128 4 месяца назад

Mug Runcher, he’s “in plastics.” Always handing out business cards

@kekica11 4 месяца назад

Lol 😂 I actually used to work for a place that made plastic parts, so I'd say "I'm in plastics" when people asked me what I do. Most of the time, people didn't get the reference, but I got a kick out of it!

@sarah_hina 4 месяца назад

Hi there, I'm curious if the two of you have been recognized in public together? What was your reaction(s)?

@marybethbasu8858 4 месяца назад

I love that y'all are showing that we're not alone in our weirdness. Also, I used to be the worst at trying to maximize all travel experiences... until I had kids. Then I had to slow down, and I remember being on the island of Murano and our kids were playing in a little park with Italian kids who had gotten out of school and it was really normal, and I thought, wow, I would never have done something like this in another country before, but it was very peaceful.

@doejanedoe 4 месяца назад

Omg, yes! I think I sent you a whatado asking advice on this exact subject of having to travel for work and where I was once down for it in my 20's, not that I'm 35 I am needier and often get sick on the road! It's great to feel seen. Ya'll are the best.

@divinelymoowah6104 4 месяца назад

about to listen, but just want to comment first that this is such an adorable thumbnail 🥺😍lol

@letigre5822 3 месяца назад

Jess I felt the same way about certain comedians standup.. like Tom segura.. love ymh pod but his latest special was not funny. Nikki glaser I love her, she’s just a really good conversationalist. Like most of the podcaster comedians. Even felt that way when I went to see Tim Dillon. Three female comedians that are actually LOL funny and that I’m super proud of are.. Heather mcmahan, Jordan Jensen, Steph tolev..!!!!!

@whitneyunedited 4 месяца назад

When I was in high school, my best friend and I had these cranky old lady who smoke 2 packs a day personas that we would randomly do. We named them Beth and Viv. We would just do these voices and say things to each other like "I'm getting too old for this sh*t", "who do I have to f**k to get a pack of Virginia slims around here?", and "C'mon ya lazy mary!"

@emilenolde130 4 месяца назад

My friends from boarding school rate our achievements by how many camels we are worth... and now that we are getting engaged etc... then the fiance must pay the accumulated camel worth to marry them. Our highschool group is called camel merchants...

@Mordred.migiri 4 месяца назад

I have a whole set of kitty songs. I would make an album out of it, but the average duration of a kitty song is about 15 seconds xd We also have a play with my fiance that he's a big grumpy woolf and I'm a tiny kitten. We have lots of ackt outs based on that, one of them is that he stars to knock on something wooden (pretending it's knocking on the door). He says it's people from lombard as he sold me to it and they are here to pick me up

@aMazingMaddie567 4 месяца назад

My sister and I have a bit where we are Charlene and Darlene from the Deep South. They are southern sisters who retired from Walmart, smoke a lot, and who complain to no end. One time we were stuck in the accents for nearly a week straight and we had to do a Charlene and Darlene detox 🤣🤣🤣

@ChristinaArdem 4 месяца назад

I think the personal baby picture is mostly weird cause we then get performance anxiety. “Omg sooooo cute”

@laurafayelewis 4 месяца назад

I am not a laugh out loud person usually but I’m in the gym giggling so hard right now !!

@belleangehrs83 Месяц назад

Lol. Editor Abi thoughts.

@sweet_b9 4 месяца назад

I am going to listen to this on repeat. Hands down this is my favorite episode!

@sarina5147 4 месяца назад

Jess looks great with her hair like that!

@jackiebenson11 4 месяца назад

For the complainers in my life my usual response is, “wouldn’t it be nice if the outside world always matched our preferences? But since that’s not reality, expecting things to go a certain way is a guaranteed way to feel miserable.” Expecting the outside world to be a certain way in order to make you feel okay inside is such a waste of time and energy. It’s something I still have to practice within myself. But I’ve found people are in love with their problems no matter how small.

@sierra5877 4 месяца назад

2009 BI (before influencers)… I would voice record me and my friends’ drunk college antics on my iPhone voice memos (phone video didn’t exist yet). It was a series I called “The Sierra Chronicles”. There were always bits and hamming it up for “my fans” even though the only people who would ever live to hear them was that same friend group. Even though we are mostly grown apart now, we still to this day randomly quote funny lines from The Sierra Chronicles to each other.

@jonatochet 4 месяца назад

My best guy friend who is like a brother and I working in the boonies on a project. We would frequent the small town general store’s toy section and scored a knock- off Ken doll named Colton (like actually labeled on it’s package) that came with a few accessories which included a peace sign backpack, headphones and pink binoculars (lol!) Ohhhh he went with us everywhere… and the stories he would tell and the voice we created for him with his pink binoculars. He often went to Scissor Sisters concerts and had a lot to say. And yes, being able to do something so dumb, but so good with someone is a special special thing. I think he was 3 dollars. Best 3 dollars ever spent!

@alison_the_number 4 месяца назад

Just around an hour in is something I LOVED and really needed to hear about being yourself. Absolutely.

@vanessasmolenski3117 4 месяца назад

Inspired by our hiking adventures, we have goblin alter-egos. There is a goblin voice, an affinity for moss, and a goblin home in a portal to another dimension in the forest. Strange forest noises are from the other dimension.

@chantz_a_loo 4 месяца назад

The family member that has a bad time away from home and very often vocalises about it: doesn’t like change and is overwhelmed/over-stimulated (and is very often Neurodivergent in some way or had a bad childhood experience about environmental change). Not a shrink - just my own lived experience with multiple close and extended family members (and are diagnosed) that are like this, as well as myself, and also a few friends /kids of friends I know are on autism spectrum.

@SecurelyInsecure 4 месяца назад

44 minutes into podcast: are y’all talking about my mom 😂!! For real!!! 😝 ❤

@TaylorMackenz1e 4 месяца назад

Caroline I def feel everything you said about fam trips..Me and my immediate family take vacations in groups of 2 or 3 because we all have accepted it’s not actually fun for everyone when all of us are there because of how we all function as adults and that’s ok! We love each other in many other ways and don’t force stressful situations that we know are going to happen because they always do when vacations are supposed to be a break and trying to set up the time we do spend together for success best we can. It’s a work in progress because parents are parents but I definitely went through a breakdown in the corner of a hotel lobby admitting to myself that I didn’t like going on trips with my family. I paid for roaming data to call my boyfriend and cry about it and everythinggg

@dakine4238 4 месяца назад

That thumbnail is too cute!

@alison_the_number 4 месяца назад

Kentucker😂

@sarakathrynfort 4 месяца назад

Caroline, is that your bra on Justin's headboard?? I feel like something is wrong with me for even noticing or speculating or assuming. I spend too much time with yous guys 😅

@autumnrosemusicandart 4 месяца назад

Looks like an eye mask

@sarakathrynfort 4 месяца назад

😅😅 that makes so much more sense. My phone screen es tiny.

@brianna.pichardo 4 месяца назад

Abbey’s comments 😂😂😂😌😌😌

@AbbyBowyer 3 месяца назад

thank you Abi for your chime about sending nibling photos to friends, i do it all the time, but only cuz they actually ARE the cutest and my friends DO agree hahaha

@selink.a.1063 4 месяца назад

My boyfriend and I have this bit where we pretend we're going to cook my cat and eat her for dinner, usually in a lasagna. He calls it "softi lasaga" because shes soft. Now whenever I make lasagna hes like why is this lasagna so softi. I have a lot of photos of him holding my cat up near the stove looking like hes about to put her inside. We are normal

@krissyvanous 4 месяца назад

Hahahaha we play Wordle at the beginning of our design meetings EVERY DAY at work as a way to wake our brains up. 😂

@pip5284 4 месяца назад

I appreciated the clarification about not hating babies! To say that loving babies is narcissism is a common joke but it's just so bitter...Choosing to bring a life into the world and love them with all your heart and to do everything in your power to give them a bright future is actually a beautiful thing. Babies are gorgeous little innocent people who want nothing but to be loved, and the responsibility of becoming the protector and provider for one of these makes you realize that nothing else matters. We want the next generation to be full of loved, healthy, happy people who can make a difference in the world, right? Without that there IS no future.

@Elska-bee 4 месяца назад

Lmao😝 Caroline- making a concerted effort to not name names, but legit calling out Liz bein’ pessimistic Pete/negative Nelly ina’ hotel room …. Love you guys so much 💕- long time listener ✌️…(don’t come for me 😝)