The former chemsex addict helping other LGBTQ people overcome substance abuse issues

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Swallowed up by the chemsex scene, with his drug use spiralling out of control, Ben Kaye found himself at rock bottom - but, after seeking treatment, he managed to turn his life around and, now 40, is a recovery worker helping other LGBTQ+ people overcome their substance abuse issues.
In 2018, Ben volunteered for The Amy Winehouse Foundation, before joining forces with national addiction service We Are With You, to spearhead the UK’s first national LGBTQ+ service.
Ben Kaye is one of the 10 everyday LGBTQ heroes being honoured at the Attitude Pride Awards 2021, supported by Clifford Chance.
The Attitude Pride Awards are part of Attitude Pride at Home, in association with Klarna.
www.klarna.com/uk/ #Klarna
Read more about the Attitude Pride Award winners 2021 in the Attitude Summer issue, out now.
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16 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 225

@GaryTornado-zy2mz 3 месяца назад

“All I wanted was connection because I was lonely “ hit hard bro thanks for this ❤

@AdrianMunch 2 месяца назад

As I got older I got lonely, I eventually quit meth because I no longer wanted to be around the people not the drug.

@GaryTornado-zy2mz 2 месяца назад

@@AdrianMunch I only used for connection to my community but then I realized we weren’t giving each other the best versions of ourselves even though at the start meth gave me that delusion of confidence that I thought I needed to meet men.

@AdrianMunch 2 месяца назад

@@GaryTornado-zy2mz My dance card was already overflowing when I got exposed to Meth, but there was a group of gay men around where I lived and I wanted into their sphere and it wasn’t until I got introduced to a man that I had been chatting with for awhile but there was never any talk about drugs. Just great sex chat, I became good friends to this day with all those same guys although we’ve all moved on to different states and locations. I honestly enjoyed myself but never let it get carried away on me, and I eventually got into distribution a was suing the postal service for delivery. I should write a book and maybe recoup some of thousands of dollars I spent over a decade using. $10 grand a year at one point, Why I got into the business to save my own money and get free meth, dealt with GHB also, I had one dealer for 6 years, we became very good friends.

@dans8533 Год назад

Been down that dark road before. I thank God everyday I’m no longer involved in Chemsex. It’s a sad lonely trip. I have been clean for 2 years now. I have the upmost respect and appreciation for this video. A sincere Thank you!

@keitha.neubert3063 Год назад

A sincere thanks for your disclosure and bravery, Dan. Keep your magnificence flowing.

@kani9284 2 года назад

What infectious energy he has. Very charismatic and lovely man.

@jonathansallade4954 3 месяца назад

3 Years for me. It's great seeing others get well and stay well.

@pidge78 2 месяца назад

Ben is one of the loveliest people I have ever met, clued up, professional yet personable, all rounder. Great human 🙌

@JaStvarno 2 года назад

While worked in gay sauna, by the time, I had big moral issues with working in that kind of place where lots of lives are changed or destroyed because of that hedonistic and destructive way of life. I felt bad to see people detached from reality, lost for hours or even days in darkness with same kind of people around them. They looked like caged hamsters in the wheel, running but not going anywhere. Unprotected sex, drugs, alcohol all around looked sometimes like a madhouse... Severe depression was final thing where I decided to quit even if I had a lots of money there. I think lots of those guys think they can do whatever and how long they want, but that's not true. I think personal responsibility, commitment, monogamous relationship and hard work are things that makes our lives easier and better. Greetings from Eastern European guy. Love you all

@Nmh86 Год назад

Well, said ❤

@zazlar4228 7 месяцев назад

I agree. The gay community is just too fluid and they jeopardize their mental health, ability to connect , build relationships because the availability of sex and drugs is too easy. It’s just a sad road to go down

@sketchingsketch9163 3 месяца назад

Very well put! I wonder if a lot of LGBTQ think the same way or if most are part of the darkness you talked about.

@tyronanderson6282 2 месяца назад

That was me for a few years

@TwinFalls88 2 месяца назад

💙

@danncantley9755 3 месяца назад

He is a high vibrating soul. His eyes and smile are magic.

@travislclarke23 3 месяца назад

Most people that are indulging unfortunately go down some dark Rd at some point

@jonnyfendi2003 3 месяца назад

“High vibrating” i mean really?

@whatcoloristhis4759 3 месяца назад

@@jonnyfendi2003 im sorry you have a depressing life. but there are people out here who enjoy the spirirtual aspect of life , so dont be a winger please its not nice

@looneytunes105 2 месяца назад

He’s very fuckable is what he’s trying to say.

@Cl4rendon 3 месяца назад

Wow.. I got goosebumps - This was like looking into the mirror - His story was mine at the beginning as he entered the scene and crashed. What saved me in the end was going monk mode which i still live on today.

@mrki731 3 месяца назад

Praise people like this man who are the glue and foundation to our community. What a hero and inspiration. Thank you to all the volunteers that help us!! 🙏🫶

@cormacmusic. 3 месяца назад

i remember you ben.. so great to see you doing so well

@dandee831 9 месяцев назад

I never knew it as chemsex, instead as PNP. Tina and coke were the entree. It was amazing until it was awful. So awful. I wish I had respected myself, cared for myself, thought I was worth more than that…..people, don’t do it if you can prevent it.

@TwinFalls88 2 месяца назад

💙

@RomaAcorn 11 месяцев назад

Sex addiction is the darkest thing ever

@gsomethingsomething2658 9 месяцев назад

That might be heroin addiction; can't die from too much shagging.

@rodrigoogaz3860 2 месяца назад

add chemicals to the equation and it truly is hell on earth

@rah2676 Год назад

I've been there and it's a dark and lonely road. And I've found myself in some really difficult situations because of it.

@PeytonMusic 2 года назад

Ben Kaye for Prime Minister!! Oh how I adore this man and his beautiful soul. Thank you Ben for all the incredible work you're doing and the light you're shining.

@MarcosMorffe Год назад

I understand this guy so much. I feel empathy and compassion.

@MimedCreature 3 месяца назад

I wish this guy was my sponsor. Our experiences are so similar!

@househeadericmd Год назад

He has done an exceptional job explaining the myriad of issues and the very complicated issues and feelings surrounding sex and the fallout from using the drug. It really is an experience that feels so liberating and sexually fulfilling but the truth is it’s nothing but empty hook ups, a mentally crippling drug that can steal away your humanity, honor and sense of who you are. It takes years of hard work with good therapy and friends and hopefully a forgiving experience that heals your family relations and allows you to heal from all the PTSD and anxiety that come with long term meth use. We can beat this addiction but it’s not easy one tiny bit. Hopefully after 10 years or more you come out on the other side and realize it was the greatest and most incredible accomplishment of your life to break that ball and chain and then you can share your story to help others heal and start anew.

@TwinFalls88 2 месяца назад

💜

@hendrikdevries9725 6 дней назад

Thank you for advocating recovery, and giving a voice to people who feel they don't have one.

@jordancooper2589 Год назад

Such a brave man... Thank you 😊 for sharing Such a deep issue... you should be so proud of yourself for opening up and getting through your recovery... God bless you 🙏 ❤ xx

@osaretinedosa9491 Месяц назад

The 1st 15 seconds of this video really spoke to me because that's what really happened in my situation. I know I'm going to fully respect myself, my body and make proper judgment. Massive respect to him and this video

@godzillas0403 Год назад

Thank you a lot for your contribution! That was a very important lesson to me! What a gorgeous man! ❤

@AdrianMunch 2 месяца назад

I spent a decade using meth with sex. I had ethics about it though, I had friends who cared about me and we would do meth together sometimes. I always had my own and loved sharing. Meet mostly at my place so I’m not caught in a bad situation. It happened before. But I never got any complaints or trouble from anyone over it. I’m a decade clean and I’m good.

@adamwolchuk198 2 месяца назад

I entered thr lgbtq community in October 1999, the bars, clubs were fantastic, I joined the drag scene which helped me in ways I can't even explain but I did go down the path of drugs, I no longer do any chemo but I smoked pot for years and recently I'm trying to not smoke pot because it no longer serves a purpose. My actions, words and behavior has ruined many friendships, I miss the lgbt community but not any of the bad influences. My mother is an addict and I believe I have a drug and sex addiction and I need help. I am now 45 and feel lost and forgotten and that makes me sad. I've recently been navigating several health issues unrelated to drugs and each day is a challenge but I believe I can mend things but I do need help starting ...

@TwinFalls88 2 месяца назад

💜

@halissonclayton 2 месяца назад

Sending you lots of love!!! ❤️

@mosessoza5631 2 месяца назад

Turn to GOD

@drick2480 2 месяца назад

Sorry to hear your struggles and I hope you are getting the help you deserve. We have all made mistakes, we are humans, but you still have you life with that the possibility to find peace and happiness someday. Wishing you best of luck in your recovery and healing.

@eoghanryder 2 месяца назад

He seems like a truly great person who has a lot of love to share with the world. I can relate deeply to his story, having been reliant of drugs and chemsex in the past myself. It’s a shame that so many queer people turn to substance abuse and toxic environments as a way of coping with trauma but seeing people like Ben come out the other side of it is so encouraging. ❤️

@ChalaChan 3 года назад

very inspiring and speaks with such clarity on this issue thanks!

@Jay-pj5tg 2 года назад

So many people need this video.

@rstuart5418 3 месяца назад

Hi Ben, thanks for your honesty.

@heronflores6790 2 года назад

Ben is an amazing guy. I remember the great time at some parties and clubs we have met and enjoyed. unfortunately everything changed after Crystal meth in our community!

@ovidiogarza7462 Год назад

Thank you for letting us know

@kristinesanta6971 2 года назад

Very brave of you. I think you're doing a great job! 👍

@lucus55 27 дней назад

All I can say is thankyou for saying all this, I’m going though this at the moment and I wish I could articulate as well as you could but it’s so hard

@leoazam4097 Год назад

What a fantastic watch , bravo 👏🏽 an thank you 🙏

@Hacks_con_LVMX Год назад

As a LGBTTQ person I relate to this. Before the pandemic I was in his shoes and it was very satisfying when you have a partner that’s open to this. It’s very good when you have someone that enjoys it. The person being interviewed is very lucky to have support and knew when he needed to stop and ask for help.

@Hacks_con_LVMX Год назад

My reality is different now. I want a guy to share life with as healthy as possible.

@brunoferraz6018 Месяц назад

I met Ben in London when I lived there years ago. He is lovely friendly guy.

@scotzer Год назад

Magnificent. Gives me hope for me and my community.

@josmyth5579 2 месяца назад

Sending love from a fellow Bournemouth ex londoner ex addict❤

@NebbieNZ Месяц назад

I used for 12 years before I started my sobriety journey. I remember in group sessions when I was still using this idea of wanting connection at first I didn't get it but I do now, I would meet people I normally wouldn't meet just to feel that sexual connection then after I would feel really shit about it. Since going sober the loneliness is still there my bf of 10years who never used decided to move on 2 years after going sober. What keeps me going now is staying true to myself!

@airbritain 2 года назад

I'm that hole now and the post code issue is real. I am working with the local recovery centre but they don't have a clue about chemsex and the type of drugs used. And no chemsex support in my city at all (Portsmouth). I'm treated as a typical drug and alcohol user but it's so much more complicated than that.

@jonadenaeem4273 2 года назад

Have you tried NA lgbt specific zoom meetings ? They talk about drugs and chemsex

@Andrei-un1cl 2 месяца назад

A guy said that to me once " im just a hole"

@carlosfernandez8637 3 месяца назад

Listening to U was amazing!!!! I have so many stories about being gay in L.A. and seeing the insanity that is Hollowood. The hard part is to have these kids understand the insanity (drugs, sex,) in the scene is fun now……. Then Ur stuck w reality. I’m so glad I stepped away. Now my old friends are either dead or addicted.

@gruweldaad 2 месяца назад

I had just about the best calamity with PNP you could possibly imagine. I did it three times and the third time I had a small heart attack that landed me in the hospital for two days of abject humiliation. My heart is fine, no damage, but I looked at my life and immediately knew I couldn’t go down that path. Struggle with alcohol, but thank God my heart isn’t strong enough to handle a three day bender without landing me in the hospital.

@seandyckhoff7063 2 месяца назад

Omg been through this, really got me watching this

@Chrizmooo 3 месяца назад

I remember this guy from the London scene. Seems like he's come a long way since

@Realist13 2 месяца назад

I really appreciate your honesty and openness. Sex is a special experience which is important to preserve. Alot of us learn the hard way.

@user-fp8sd7ds3w 3 месяца назад

Thank you for this.

@salkashoura4928 Месяц назад

Awe ben, bless you. I think most gays have been through this, we all want to be loved and to love. It takes the experience to gain understanding and empathy to help others! Sal x

@agentcooki 3 месяца назад

I remember back in 2010 when someone I went on a few dates criticised me smoking but he would happily take drugs on the weekend then be moody all week. Needles to say that didn't work out 🤢🤮

@ineedtostopwatchingyoutube5211 Год назад

I got into Chemsex and it almost killed me and gave me herpes. I don’t like most people in the lgbt community ( can you blame me ) but I like this person. I believe he is truly genuine.

@tyrellanderson4722 3 месяца назад

I don't blame you one bit.

@uramirez28 3 месяца назад

Yes, yes I can.

@chromeshellking 3 месяца назад

Well two upsides from the last 5 years Herpers both 1 and 2 and now Hiv is on upcoming chopping block and mostly will be cured in the next decade or 2.

@jamietierney3910 3 месяца назад

Very honest, and totally agree as another gay male. It's never an ideal choice , a lot of gays bring on their own problems and then milk the sympathy or attention, totally self indulgent. However the creator of this vid is honest, seems genuine too.

@quantumwitcher9376 2 месяца назад

That's a narrow-minded conclusion to make about an entire community

@xtd5948 2 года назад

your are so lovely . keep up the good work .

@CharlesHeyStar 2 месяца назад

Beautiful testimony ❤

@OneSecondOne 2 месяца назад

Instead of taking drugs to compensate you inability to connect with other people you really should take action and visit a therapist. I´m proud of him to get away from this toxic environment and helping others to get their life on track.

@hdfuk 7 месяцев назад

I online receiving strange messages when I was applying for jobs during the night. I have never had problems with drugs, not addicted, don't need them for work but seen nurses in London using it and doctors in parties on social life, but heard prescriptions how to be good when have to work day after from a phillipine guy who was nurse and dealer going from home to home partying. I have never understand how some people dying lonely in overdosis and other groups, same people same sicial life, same group, city area keep themselfs so well, so good, partying from Friday to Sunday night and healthy and alive and maintanning their jobs money and do it very well. I honestly scary of need a social care if I need it. I have been told already not publish anything online but It just confirming if you are not part of that selective group never take chems even in control or sociable. You will not have support and will be target!

@bwhitedale 2 месяца назад

Very intelligent and good description of this topic. x

@aaironparker2837 11 месяцев назад

Very educational thank you

@SJD326 8 месяцев назад

It is truly a epitome of hedonism in a capitalistic society. It is hard when you are too in tuned with pleasure. I’m thankful this is being talked about Edit: I think a big part of the issue is the superficiality and acceptance of drugs in the club scene

@Mcfreddo 3 месяца назад

What a nice man!

@hdfuk 7 месяцев назад

I came to London 20 years ago with already 30 years old and I remember one day going to meet a guy for fun and he is keeping me in the house and I said I have to go because I have been follow and stalking and he says no, there is no one stayed, when I finally left he oppen the door for me to leave and it was three or four vans around his house, he tuck me back inside and said you are right don't go now. I am in a residential area in Earls Court, it never had this vans in here. Always one driver inside watching and using a dashboard.

@gracejones6947 2 месяца назад

Sorry, didnt get what you meant, no offense. What happened to u?

@ebsii9031 2 месяца назад

bro gave us nothing 🔥🔥🔥🔥

@rachaellouise2666 2 месяца назад

He is really inspiring ❤

@JuanPabloPenaRosas 3 месяца назад

Thank you

@DaRyteJuan 5 месяцев назад

What he describes is universal to men no matter their orientation. All of us know sex has gotten us into trouble more than once, then regretting it. Much like an addiction, we often _want_ to have nothing to do with sex, but then it takes over leading us to do stupid things. Kudos to any man who is able to abstain for a year. 👍🏻

@johnbrennan592 2 месяца назад

My brother is deep into this carry on.

@MarcusAnderson0308 8 месяцев назад

Lot of recognition here but I numbed my self with alcohol and poppers and let myself be abused, for over 10 years, out of selfloathing and feeling abuse was the only thing I deserved (hate from home, internalized homophobia). I got out of it almost 10 years ago but it took many years for me to grasp what I done to myself and how that has effected me. Its all very sad but happy I am out of it.

@vanessas2363 2 месяца назад

Sex on drugs is awful when you mature. Gives me the creeps

@karlperriment7763 3 месяца назад

Well done mate....

@drouinjohnny9036 3 года назад

Extraordinary person....💗

@dimitritome5118 3 месяца назад

the biggest problems with discussing these issues is that the discourse can be so easily shifted to homophobia. Suddenly you have people blaming the LGBT community and their own queerness for their troubles.

@TwinFalls88 2 месяца назад

This is very true 👍 Thank you for pointing that out. But alas, being brave and tackling issues head-on is really the only way to help individuals in our community and the next Gen. This is why what he's doing is so valuable/meaningful. Some will inevitably try to twist it into homophobia. But simultaneously actually gaining more respect from the larger community for addressing issues and being deep instead of shallow. On the whole, makes us look better than denial. All communities, various demographics of all kinds, have problems.

@Andrei-un1cl 2 месяца назад

No its not as simple as just hate tho or blaming isit, you can say that all you like but the straight community doesnt have people taking ghb for a laugh does it

@dimitritome5118 2 месяца назад

@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. And the same pr0 * miss * cuity too, but straight men have to pay to experience it. If you visit a cabaret or a str* eep club, you will find the same experiences there, but our society is built in such a way that when straight men give in to their lasciviousness, we blame the women who sell their bodies, and never the men who buy it.

@dimitritome5118 2 месяца назад

@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. And the same pr0 * miss *c too, but straight men have to pay to experience it. If you visit a caba* or a str* club, you will find the same experiences there, but our society is built in such a way that when straight men give in to their desires, we blame the women who sell their bodies, and never the men who buy it.

@dimitritome5118 2 месяца назад

@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. Have you ever heard of selling your body? men have to pay but they will find the same experiences like that. However our society is built in such a way that when men consume these services, we blame the women who are selling it, and never the man who bought it.

@nodatastored684 9 месяцев назад

Gods blessings ❤ 🙏🏿

@dandee831 9 месяцев назад

Be yourself and then the right person for you will appear

@TwinFalls88 2 месяца назад

Perfect advice

@noahgilbertson7530 2 месяца назад

so inspiring

@carlosfernandez8637 3 месяца назад

GOD Bless!!!!

@nicovandermerwe2747 2 месяца назад

8 years clean

@johnfogarty5655 2 года назад

Good bloke.

@teoolindo1074 2 месяца назад

After watching this video , i think i really need help. I would say that im addicted to any substance, but can't enjoy sober sex anymore

@JustintheJock Год назад

Im seeking help. Is there anyway to get in touch with Ben? Or his foundation? Looking for lgbtq help

@pist1264 11 месяцев назад

how are you now justin

@rr7firefly 5 месяцев назад

So many people go down this road because they lack maturity. I have a cousin who is over 60 who still acts like he is in his late 20s. To keep up his desirability in his gay world he spends hours in the gym every night and consumes all kinds of supplements. I have never seen him cook a proper meal. He does not do chemsex, as far as I know. But he is into risky behavior.

@rossco5409 3 месяца назад

Let him live his life and stop being so judgemental

@rr7firefly 3 месяца назад

@@rossco5409 Fortunately my cousin has acquired more maturity and he understands how his earlier life (with superficial fixations) only brought disappointment and unnecessary danger. He is in a committed relationship and is taking much better care of himself. He is much happier now.

@Andrei-un1cl 2 месяца назад

@@rossco5409stfu enabling someone isnt always the answer

@deboraleggerini5729 5 месяцев назад

I love Ben!

@JS-lv7kw 2 года назад

Please can you tell me who your councillor was? I want to get help for my friend.

@Jerel_con_jota 6 месяцев назад

Man… he dropped some bars in this video.

@osaretinedosa9491 Месяц назад

He definitely did.

@happypolish1 2 месяца назад

RIP to my friend.18 04 he passed away because of this s.....t.40 years old, beautiful life and careere, many friends around him but addiction to chem was too strong. Loneliness, lacque of acceptance in his family, hos father never wanted to hear that he is gay :-( Hope he is happy in heaven

@lovindelight0 2 года назад

OMG, SAME!

@cyberwastemusic5560 2 месяца назад

Inspiring x

@hdfuk 7 месяцев назад

I live in Croydon now and same story, many days, since moved I see a van in the corner or somewhere close by with a guy inside with earphones and dashboard watching around. One day I came from behind the van and nocked his door asking if he was monitoring the area and work for police, he was angry and left. After seen readding news aboit friends or nom friends dying misteriousilly and "cassualy" gay guys doing like their partners chems.

@TKRevRay971 2 месяца назад

It's been a month since I started. Luckily I'm not addicted .... Yet. I can see how it destroys lives. I'm quitting cold turkey

@TheMontyfire 2 месяца назад

Seems like a lovely guy

@PastaSauce. 2 месяца назад

Gay and never done drugs. I still go out most weekends and a bottle of wine is enough. I feel bad for gay people who fall down the drugs route.

@drick2480 2 месяца назад

The chemsex scene is dark as hell. Once you start mixing T with sex its hard to go back. Sober sex becomes too dull and vanilla and you begin to use the drugs outside of sex to cope with trauma and the stresses of life, quickly leading to dependency. It is a slippery dangerous road. Kudos to people who can control thier use but it should be heavily discouraged and gay/bi men need to be educated on the dangers from a young age.

@paradiseb5950 Месяц назад

Bless his soul he had to endure a whole year without sex…. Some of us haven’t had any in haalf a decade…

@ekaterinastaneva9922 2 месяца назад

Ok this will be insensitive and missing the point of the video, I know I know, but...why the lesbian community doesn't have anything like that? We don't have lesbian saunas, big sex parties, chemsex scene, grindr etc. Everything around hedonistic sexual experimentation is just either not there or just very miniscule. Of course overdoing it is a big problem and can destroy lives, but perhaps it is not a bad thing to sprinkle an ounce of naughtiness. I feel that our community is just...more boring tbh. The stereotype around us is that we move in on the third date, which is not even a lie. Anyways, I hope you are doing well and find peace, sounds you've been thought a lot. Brave guy with great energy.

@davidrogers8928 3 месяца назад

Been there !

@thomasjung3517 3 месяца назад

I like that he doesn't use the "internalized homophobia" excuse to justify the chemsex addiction. It is as he says about feeling lost in life and not finding a real purpose. Bravo!