The Mindset That's Making You Miserable 

Or as the old folks say, "stuck in your ways".

There's no escape

Thank u for this helpful inception

T h i s

1st you can change 2nd just try 3rd if this is hard take baby steps 4th try somthing new, pick up a hobbie 5th aim to improve by just 1% each day, make it a goal to think outside the box on improving (start slow). 6th repeat step 5 after you have given yourself atleast a week 7th compare yourself to when you started 8th instead of telling yourself to fail because it hurts to much to put hope into yourself just forgive yourself and reapeat "i am stronger than i think, I love myself, I can do this with time and effort" 9th repeat.

What does that mean

@@syrup7894 your thoughts shape you as a person. basically, how u think determines who u are

Me who rarely uses his brain? So I'm like a ghost?

I disagree to an extent, because that advice can be used to repress your feelings and that’s not good at all. Maybe changing your thoughts actually can help you in some contexts, but I know many contexts in which that can lead to a horrible path of suffering and repression. Actually expressing those “bad” feelings can go a long way.

@@CarlosGomez-lp9zi it’s all about balance

Indeed on that.

Moderation in everything

Well that's why we adopt fixed mindsets, they're coping mechanisms to avoid the possible pain we experience whilst learning... As children you don't really have a fear of learning (possibly mainly due to the lack of any ego development), but as you start to realise that shit is hard, or certain stuff isn't pleasant you form a fixed mindset instead to avoid the stress. But remember that pain is by no means a bad thing, without going through pain the only joy/ reward you will ever obtain will never be able to feel as good as it should!

@@stuartzekaj1423 couldn’t agree more. A fixed mindset is a way for a person to cope with the pain of learning difficult things. If we have a hard time picking something up, it’s much easier to blame genetics or “it’s just the way I’m wired” than to put in additional frustrating work to truly learn a subject. But it is a mark of great character when someone maintains a growth mindset in a field that doesn’t come easily at first. That person would rather endure the pain of struggling to learn than develop a fixed mindset as a cop-out. These are the people that can make a very big difference in the world.

@@Iamwrongbut Yesn't. I would say that i generally have the growth mindset and learn/try new things just for the joy of learning them. But i also have motivation waves where i'm super productive and feel like i'm becoming a better version of myself, that are alternated with some depressive periods. I can assure that when you are in a down phase, it doesn't feels nice to see that you aren't even capable of doing the bare minimum. It's very different from making mistakes or losing skills. Making mistakes can hurt, but if you are enjoying the process, you just deal with them. But if you are down and you see that you don't even have the motivation to learn things that you used to like, it just sucks so much. It's not a price that you pay for becoming a better person, it just sinks you deeper into thinking that you are not valid as you are at the moment.

CV: hello there

General Kenobi okay sorry

Then don't let it measure you.

I just stopped caring about grades and am hoping for the best. Hopefully my teachers see my effort and bump up my grades even when I struggle because of my neurological condition!

literally just wait half a decade at most. School isn't life

i gotta find that study. if what you're saying is true, then that probably is quite interesting. like, seriously.

@@yousuck785why I had already read about Dweck in this book called ''Why we cooperate'' by Michael Tomasello, where the author uses many studies by Dweck. Even tho they are not exactly about what you were talking about, there are many similarities so you may want to check it out. I guess you can find some pdfs online of it

@@yousuck785why tbh I dont have the study myself, I heard it from an another neuroscientist Andrew D. Huberman who talked in a podcast about it. Highly recommend his content, he talks about all sort of psychological topics like stress, learning, motivation and so on.

I feel like this „growth mindset“ thing gets conflated with the obsession of self-optimization found in neo-liberal thought. Living a hyper-productive life and turning all your energies into producing value to accumulate wealth, sometimes even discarding morals to do so, is not healthy. Growth mindset becomes a marketing buzzword used to sell a lifestyle that promises success for sacrifice, though the causality behind this relationship is treated as natural and is not looked into further.

@@mahmud7645 I would agree, nowadays being succesful means to have money and perhaps a lot of free time to spend. It is sad to see that the media and the self help industry as well promotes this idea like the ideal life. People forget to evaluate what means succesful for them. Perhaps the issue is that a lot of people dont make up their morals and values in the first place, possibly because that would build ressistance and constrains on what to do and what not do. One can totally be happy in a daily 9 to 5 job as long they the some deeper meaning in it, like serving the community and so on, this could be a lot of different things like working in a renewable energy sector or making art. There are no limits to this idea, except that one needs to see the deeper meaning about ones own job.

Totally, I've done this when one of my classmate in college ask me if I can play a guitar and I don't know but at that moment I just answer her "not yet" instead of "no" and now that I'm a 2nd year college I already know how to play guitar and on Sep. 28 will be my first anniversary of playing guitar. You just have to give time for yourself and don't block the things that you can learn with your negative and fixed mindset.

You shouldn't be, it's more or less about how we connect these things to our self image. For example the amount of ocean facts i know contributes more to me as a person than how tall I am. The thing that is you is the knowledge and memories you have, coupled with how you go about having those things. The body is essentially just a vessel you need to stay alive, while your consciousness is what makes you the person you are. If you look at it from the perspective of other people judging you then the value of certain things might change based on shallow observations, but other people will judge you either way and in the end no one can really judge you as a person unless they know everything about you. So don't feel attacked but think about why it makes you feel that way, and what part of your reaction to things you can change to make things come across how they really are. Objective

@You know more than me, but, LOL!! You too!?!?

This is the one deep, personal attack I would want to take every day.

curiosity stream attacked you?

Fix it. Life is permeable and there's only the rest of the moment left to live.

I don't know if this will work for you, but in my experience picking something that is as unimportant/low stakes/stupid as possible and just doing it is often a lot of fun. A good way for me to bring some joy back into the things I do is to take the seriousness out of it, and to do it for its own sake, not for the outcome. For example, if I'm painting or playing music or writing and I start to get too focused on the outcome and how it will look, it stops being fun. As soon as I just let go and almost accept that the thing is going to turn out badly, it usually becomes a lot more fun and turns out better than I thought. I hope you feel better soon and find something that can bring that spark back!

In my experience, being aware of my progress can make the activity fun. So maybe you should actually try to get better at something you care about, and that challenge will be fun.

You know who you are so don’t let anyone say otherwise of what you know you are my broski

@@rileyjordan8114 That doesnt work for me. Im not someone who thrives with challenge. Dont get me wrong, I like it when its not easy. But if I do stuff just for the challenge, I "Min max" all the fun out of it. Im someone who gets good at stuff by not thinking to much about it and just doing it, basically Im an Instinctive/Intuitive person. The problem is, that I learned that later in life, and now my head is hyperactive in thinking about progress. If I actually try to get better at something, I think to much about where I am not good enough and lose all interest, because Im an overall failiure. Its that I see the next step I could improve at, then the one after, then the 100s after that, then my mood starts to shift and I dont want to do it anymore.

@@Kortonox I have the same mentality: a perfect-or-none mentality. Basically I don't do stuff I cant be good at. It sucks and it takes out all the fun. I'm trying to grow out of it and also end my procrastination. By the way you sound like an INTP.

Understanding that all mindsets are capable of change is even more valuable I think

@Amy Wade you lost me at God.

@@muptezeladam9605 you apparently still have a bit to learn there if the mere mentioning of 'God' throws you off without thinking about what the other person might have found out for themselves there. And how it might be pretty similar to what spirituals or even stoics experience. An open mind is what might bring us all a bit closer to each other.

@@paratame105 open mind is good and all but we can't have an open mind about everything

@@muptezeladam9605 I politely disagree

I don't really understand your comment here lol

@@stuartzekaj1423 read more

@@THE-FBI-GUY oh wait yes I understand now lol, I thought he was making a joke about how hard maths problems are but this guy is not even ironic lol

​@@stuartzekaj1423 you may have been fortunate enough to avoid encountering such a maths teacher. They generally assume that because the pupil does not appear to understand their explanations that the pupil must be at fault, and that no fault could possibly be found in their teaching. About this, their minds are fixed. They do not seem to consider the damage done by this fixity, preventing themselves from growing into better teachers, and their pupils from growing their confidence and capacity. And hence we have swathes of people left thoroughly ill equipped for the quantitative age ahead.

@@AngusTatchell no you're correct in what you say, I just think you're being too hyperbolic maybe, and plus we shouldn't hope that all humans share the same skill sets should we, because otherwise they become utterly valueless (even worse than they already are lol)

Yup! Exactly the reason why I strongly believe we should teach Philosophy and a bit of Psychology! early on in school at least high school. We can definitely make it simple to understand and teachers who are passionate about helping students out, we can save so many students misery and time! Sadly the world or school doesn't owe us anything other then just formal education so idk it's complicated but doesn't mean it can't be done or simplified. As a student of psychology, I've literally seen students from my own class wanting to grow and improve themselves in a positive, healthy way by learning about how we humans think and about our brains! - another thing is in school we have Counselors and School Psychologists but only students who need “special help” are sent there, but if we also encouraged other students to go talk to counselors about what they feel it would be really helpful! The stigma around mental health plays a very very big role in people feeling shy to get help for themselves and it's absolutely ridiculous. I think we need to encourage self-awareness. This stuff is really never talked about in school and it's a shame. Anyway I have a lot of thoughts on this as I have been through this experience so I could keep talking!

@@deepikamsolankiOn my senior high school year we've got to study philosophy in one of our semester. But the problem is the method of teaching, it's almost discussing and memorizing stuff, there is no reflecting at all. Our exams can only be answered by bruteforce memorization and it takes the fun in learning philosophy, that's why my classmates hate the subject.

It’s taught in my academic support but not everyone’s in that so

My school always shoved things like 'self-directedness' and 'growth mindsets' down our throats, to the point where it quickly lost all meaning to me. You say I need to be self-directed in my learning, I have to build my portfolio and learn to impress future employers, I need to have a growth mindset and I have to be goal-oriented to succeed? Then how come I've even gotten this far? I've pretty much lost all motivation regarding such things, largely thanks to school. It all feels so phoney. They tell me to take breaks from studying and not to be so competitive about grades (which I am not) whilst also stressing the importance of being better than everyone else and becoming a complete bookworm. It sounds reductive, but I've seriously come to believe that this is a mindset cultivated by an Asian culture, in a country which thrives on multi-national corporations coming in to reap the best-of-the-best workers, the kind they cannot get anywhere else in the world (being Singapore), and not being Asian, I just don't get it. Point is, they do teach this at school.

i was taught this in 5th grade

Im 18 years old and he literally described my entire life. I feel so fucking stupid and useless right now.

@@franciscoantonio7827 I'd wager you need an environment switch. That was what worked best for me.

@@VarunTheKumar if only I could do that

I needed this too probably and my mindset is super unhealthy and maybe dangerous. Idk where to start to change it though I suppose sometimes you have to force yourself when you dont like it to do things anyway but idk I have an electric guitar that I was practicing for like a week when I got it but I stopped doing it as consistently and havent really touched it ever since because I don't feel like I'm improving even though I probably improved a bit. I learned some chords, some basic melodies but im.not very good at them even if theyre short like the bassline to Pumped Up Kicks or Feel Good Inc and I came up with my own four-chord progression using the ones I learned and I recorded it because I wanted to make a song with it but I never got much done or bothered to re-record it Idk In theory it seems nice to me you could do so many things but when I tried to do them such as with my guitar idk it was frustrating and hard and I did very little Maybe I'm.being too pessimistic Idk I just don't feel good about myself and I hate myself even more for doing so when I watch probably important videos like these that could only make me feel so attacked

@@fzxfzxfzx I really know what you mean, it's the same for me, I start a lot of things but never finish them. I'm just not motivated enough.. and I know forcing myself would help me. But idk, maybe it's my ADHD but I hate blaming my lack of energy on it.. I feel you bro, it will get better one day 👊

I was taught this in school and always dismissed it thinking there were mistakes in causation and correlation, and that fixed mindsets meant that you couldn’t have a growth mindset. But then I painstakingly tried it over the course of many years and yea, it actually really works. People label themselves by things that they think others perceive them as and then use that to limit their own personal abilities. There’s a really good piece of evidence for this in the case of the Roughnecks vs Saints experiment. Go look it up if you’re looking for proof regarding people’s tendency to label themselves.

that’s because feeling motivated is just that, a feeling. motivation comes and it will inevitably go. something that isn’t a feeling and is instead a choice is DISCIPLINE that’s not saying you can’t enjoy yourself, sometime you need to enjoy doing the things that suck. discipline will take you way farther than motivation. motivation makes you do something one day, discipline has you do things in that manner EVERY day

@@francescofulghieri9608 You are absolutely right, but discipline is hard man, I can't seem to be able to follow a schedule that I made myself, or I can't seem to just say "hey, ok now I have to work". I just wish I had the power to listen to myself more

Yes, change is hard. But have you read Who Moved My Cheese? It's a bit cheesy (pun very much indented lol) but it's a great book that you can finish reading in a day or two. The thing you're talking about is like a cycle, I myself go through almost all the time. It's hard when you “relapse” into misery but getting yourself and wanting to get yourself out of that state and wanting to improve itself is a growth mindset. And if we keep going we'll eventually get the hang of it I think, I can't come to a precise conclusion on this as because I definitely haven't improved much on things I planned I would on but I'm still going. I think in proving ourselves we really do forget that we also have to be happy, I know that's what most people say and it sounds cliche or whatever but being happy (at least an adequate amount so you don't actually feel like shit is the goal here) in what you do is so important.

@@deepikamsolanki Yeah you hit the nail on the head there. I spent so long slogging away at things in the past that I forgot all about happiness. The irony is that that was part of the original goal. I think you're right about wanting to get yourself out of that state being a a growth mindset in itself too. I think my issue is that I failed hard so many times that it became hard to keep trying. And so it really becomes about trying to change my mental attitude in the process. It's tricky lol. I'll check that book out (great pun btw ;) ), thanks for a helpful and insightful comment! :D

And that's why humans rely on humans to keep them in check and healthy. A human made this video to help people, so that one day your efforts help someone else. It's what we're supposed to do, but modern culture is greatly fixed on this unreachable "happiness" that you should be feeling 100% of the time because everything has to be *perfect* in life, including the flawed people in your life who just as much need love and tough love to bounce each other's health to maintain the relationship.

@@jemtaovt1122 From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for this comment. I'm so glad to know that others are slowly awakening to the truth of our interdependence. Maybe we'll be able to live in a society that fosters that connection again someday. But until then, it's down to us. Keep on fighting the good fight, my friend. 👑

@@Drekromancer Thank you for your comment as well! :) Fight on! 💪

Same here. I guess this is what they call synchronicity.

I had one last night. hope ur feeling better now, it'll pass

#longlivesteelo

Ayye

Same

tyler1 feels the same

a lot, not alot.

@@sjuvanet why

@@riguy221 funny you should bring it up...but tyler1 did help me personally get out of a fixed mindset, watching him grind and get better gave me a perspective on how I could possibly improve upon the things in my life. Dude is cracked at league but he plays like a maniac and I figured, I've never put this much effort into anything...maybe I should

Wow yes I could not understand calculus in school but just in an year after college began it.is.indeed.coming naturally to me too! All the best!

@@sanskriti8740application of calc actually was my favourite topic but I sucked at trig 😂

I'm the opposite, I used to be good at everything at school and getting straight As, now I'm older and miserable. I send you my sincere congratulations!

A passion for learning is the single most valuable skill anyone can possess. It is fulfilling and pays back in volumes. The best part is you never reach the top! Meaning you'll never know everything and all that's left is to learn more.

When I was young I was really bad at maths. When I left college I got the best grade out everyone else in the exam.

No you dont, you love being miserable

@@winzyl9546 how can someone love to be miserable?

@@LucasChosen a lot of reasons, they may enjoy the self pity, addicted to the hormones etc

@@LucasChosen his life has been miserable for so long, that he just dosent want anything else anymore

Plan , i don't have a plan , got any bright ideas? XD

Don't worry bro, u r not alone, there are many like u and me who feel the same. But i would say just fulfil your basic needs first, get a job, and also be real to yourself. Cuz my friend, ur heart definitely knows its place.

@@harshitaverma7505 thx, yeah, a lot has changed in a year and i've def found purpose after making money and working harder

@@zeffery101 proud of u my man. Keep grinding

@@zeffery101 Well done. You set an example for all of us to follow. One foot in front of the other.

@@Drekromancer Thank you Benji. I will say its still very difficult to stay focused and persistent. It hard to not compare yourself to people in their early to mid 20s that claim they make >20K/month. Ik it doesn't help to compare myself and we never know the full extent that people lie and sell themselves for profit. But ultimately, I want to believe I can be on a path to attain self-fulfillment if I'm not destined to be a young millionaire.

@@glewis2794 No...it was a quote from Neumann, that his teacher told him.

Im sailing in the same boat right now man... its awful.

But talking to people feels nice.

@@HotBaraDad666 talking to people is wrong.

@@SpiiderOK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

@Dazzy Bakemono but wanting to be better than the other guy has what driven the advancement of society for millennia

Imagine using social media for it's intended purpose of intrusive sharing of information instead of funny video app

Everything are hard, everything required efforts for it to be done. At least to me.

omg i just noticed it lol love the reference

YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT OCEAN FACTS ?

QUIZ ME ON OCEAN FACTS!

Ought to edit the video title being average is not really miserable. Great content I wish you success in this endeavor at least:)

ur pfp makes this 100x better

what? i mean, that's exactly the point of the video. like to me it seems that you are implying that you can't just change like that when in fact you can. it just doesn't happen over night without any effort, you gotta continually put in effort and hard work and accept setbacks and eventually, you will notice changes, small things that used to make you miserable that you can now overcome or not feel bad about but it's a process, not a switch you can press and everything becomes easy.

@@salty_3k506 what?

@@johnbonjov1491 op is saying that just switching to a growth mindset is impossible so they just give up. as long as change is not immediate, it's not worth pursuing for them which i don't agree with. change is continual and slow so you always have to put in the work, not just once for a few minutes and boom you're a different person.

Imagine you make a video with the intend of helping people feel better with themselves, and someone just make fun of you because they have nothing better to do

There are lots of people that feel a similar pain, me included. Look for help everywhere, try everything you can. Don't wait for life to change. Best regards.

@@N30Canibal I can't try much things, I don't have resources or ideas, there's no much in my reality to do

@@franacha Just continue looking for any solutions you can try. I know its pretty harsh but its about survival this time, make a conscious effort when even your body and mind are against your will. Well these are the things I keep telling myself also, just sharing. Sadly I don't have a definitive solution for me nor anyone else.

Don’t give up, my friend. I used to be in a similar place. As a matter of fact, I tried to take my own life 3 times. I’m not comparing my hard times to yours, for I can’t really comprehend what you’re going through as much as you can, but I’m trying to say I’ve been there. I’m in a much better place now thanks to making changes in my life. You can make changes as well, even though they might not be the same ones I did, but that’s because we’re all different. What I’m trying to say is, there’s always a way. You just have to focus all of your energy on making a change as opposed to wondering why you’re in the hard spot that you say you are in. I’m not saying you’re not trying, but I’m saying that you should KEEP on trying and fight through. If you can, visit a therapist. If you are not able to, then make it a goal to be able one day to visit one. Just keep pushing through. The fact that you’re here watching this gives a hint that you’re still trying, and that’s great! Stay positive and well, brother.

I can only say that life isn't worth living but there's only this one chance as far as I'm concerned so I'd rather let it play out than try to end prematurely. At some point something worthwhile might happen. Gotta stay to see if it ever does.

Lol...me too

Have you watched 3Blue1Brown's videos? He explains math in such a different and awesome way which I'm confident will help anyone who's struggling to understand the subject.

I mean I know I'm bad at math but that's only because I stopped paying attention in 6ht I don't even know how I'm in high school tbh its a miracle but I know that if I sit down for 2 months and just practice math it'll be a breeze but I'm not up for it and I'm extremely unmotivated academically

@@Pizzahutbaby are you me ?

same

I'm spooked that this video found me when it did. 26 years of sucking eggs has led me to believe that I will never be as good as my peers, and that I'm just waiting to die. Glad this popped into my notif box.

Acknowledge your mindset and use little steps to basically train yourself the way you'd train a dog not to pee on the couch. Acknowledge the bad thing and actively try to not do it again. This is oversimplified of course but that's how I break my bad habits

@@manuelmartinez-ub7se right way to do it !

if there is something that you want to be good at, fail as many times as you can in it and study from the square one. Worked for me when it comes to math and social skills. Now I'm studying physics in university and just a year ago I struggled with math, when now I am very confident in it, my math scores were in 97th percentile. Same with getting a girlfriend, singing, writing and drawing. In all of these I have improved a bit by bit. Unfortunately the only limitation is time. Some things come to us more naturally than others and because of that you may become an expert in a field by the age of 50 while someone does so at age 28. Growth mindset does not suggest that you can become number 1 in a field in your lifetime, it just says that given enough effort and time you will surely improve bit by bit and chances are you can become above average in any field (not in all of them at the same time though)

Yes! it's calming

It's literally guitars... What the hell you on about?

word

I see what you did there.

True

Embark on life defining journey to find banana

banana not only thing can make you happy, keep swinging, frend

Besides that, this growing mindset has indeed it's advantages but it's more of a trap. Pointlessly trying to become better will constantly make you stressed and will make you feel worthlese the first time you reach a certain point where it's too hard to progress. You see, getting better at anything will be easy in the first days/weeks/months but after a while, you would progress less and less because after you learned everything, it's all about the grind which would become progressively less effective over time because you'll have to try harder and harder and humans aren't robots. 1 is half of 2 so it may seem a lot, but 1 is insignificant to a number like 10.000. Same is with training, at first, improvement is easy to achieve since you dont have to try that hard to do it but sooner or later, it will become so hard that you'll be in constant stress if you keep that mindset. A growth mindset is good to a certain point, pushing it as an absolute best isn't.

I definitely agree! In my high school, we're taught growth/fixed mindset as a part of our curriculum (yay, Australia), and it is honest to god bullshit. Putting this stuff in a high performing, high stress environment just bastardises it from its original purpose and meaning (you are capable of change) to something worse (if you get bad grades then you didn't try hard enough). How the education system functions is that effort isn't everything, ya know? Like it really comes down to bullshit criteria and the teacher who marks your stuff. I don't know, I think growth mindset has its uses but I think it should stay out of schools.

all it needs is the title to be on all caps