The real effects of single-parent households | Stephanie Gonzalez | TEDxCarverMilitaryAcademy 

The biggest problem with relationships is that people are selfish. Period

As a man, I would be a completely different person without my dad. I love my mom, and in a lot of a ways I'm closer to her than I am my dad. But my dad directed me on the right path when I was a teen, and I don't think anyone else could have. The inconvenient truth is kids need both parents in their life. The best advice I could give my kids is graduate high school, don't believe the lie that is most social media, and don't have kids before you're married.

The real effect of growing up in a single parent household, a mother who never got over my father, whom I never met, was I grew up without a compass. And at 37, still am looking for one.

Lots of truth in this TED, yet I must say I lead such a peaceful, happy life with my 6 year old girl, our dog and the wonderful friends we have surrounded ourselves with. Single moms out there, be positive, invest in your emotional health. No one ever dreams of being a single parent, but if it happens to you, be strong and don't give up. God's grace is abundante. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

It's nice to see the world at large taking a second look at divorce and all the shit that brings. I myself am the child of a poor, white, hippie household and my childhood pretty much ended with my parents divorce. Imagine what it's like with not 1 but 2 single parent households struggling to make ends meet and hoping to their sacrifices lead to something better. Now throw in childhood videogame escapism, poor parenting skills which came from 2 brokenish households, being anti-social and emotionally withdrawn from living in the middle of nowhere, AND being uttely unable to talk to your parents about your parents because you'd either be A) criticizing either of the persons you singularly depend on for their actions when you know they don't need any more problems like your complaints or B) telling one about the other's life which might lead to various forms of harassment/legal bs. This conversation is nearly 20 years overdue for me, and im glad that the middle class is getting so squeezed by everything that it's forcing them to take another look at the poor people already underwater.

Her friend was not depressed because he had one parent...he was depressed because he LOST a parent.

alot of women i know told me they never had their father in their life because the mom ran them away , and i have heard this more then u can ever imagine .

I got custody of my older daughter when she was young. Her mother was nuts, totally nuts, now lives in homeless shelters, hopelessly bipolar. I poured effort in my kid, since her mother was dysfunctional. She has turned out very well; has 2 of her own kids; very happily married.

im a dad, I work and my kids are proud of me...

As a kid I never thought family impacted my life. Now I'm 24 and I only noticed dysfunctional relationships in my past. I grew up with my mother only, as a girl. I noticed letting myself being used in relationships like my mother was. I have zero notion what is being friends with a guy. I never saw my parents even talking to eachother. My father impregnated my mother and threw her away. The problem was she always acted like that was ok, it was normal to be treated like that.

I was so happy when my parents divorced! Fear became smaller. It started to be much more easier but was still difficult. I'm proud of my mother she had enought strenght to divorce my father.

I think that the use of students for a Ted Talk is a great format to teach public speaking and to tell their stories.

I have witnessed my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends divorce in high numbers. All I have been exposed to is drama, fights over money and material possessions. Because of this I don't believe in marriage and starting a family. Just too traumatized of the idea of marriage. If you want to learn the root cause of single parenthood, look at monetary policy, feminism's unintended consequences, divorce courts money making industry and many other factors to fuel single parenthood.

Wish , I had a Father. I’m 42

Being a lone parent myself, I have far too much put on me and I would be a much better parent if I had support from another parent. I’m sure my daughter would prefer to have two good parents to have her back and support her. However, two bad parents or toxic people aren’t good and one good parent is better than adding a toxic one. There are days when I feel I’m pushed to my mental limits. It’s not just financially, it’s having support emotionally and physically.

I was an only child , with a single mother ,seven half siblings that I never got to know. ( They were all overseas. ) All my mother would do is leave me with babysitters and relatives growing up, ( she worked 2 jobs to keep up with the mortgage .) and date various men who would all end up leaving . I felt very unsafe and uncomfortable growing up by never having any stability or time to talk, or bond, also, I never witnessed what a healthy family dynamic was nor what a healthy parental role models were . Because she wasn't there half the time. I find it difficult to connect with anyone or trust anyone because even though my dad was absent , she would break every promise she had to me and couldn't wait until I left home at 18. This might sound horrible but Britney Spears comes to mind when I think of " individualiatic " parents. She might be great in her career, and maybe even be a decent human being but certainly not a good parent. Humans care for their young the longest in the mammalian family and I think some people just aren't born to be parents .

Or mothers keep the father away through parental alienation.I pay support ,Medical insurance. I am refused parenting time with my children. For doing nothing more than leaving our abusive relationship. My punishment, no parenting time, not a picture, not a phone call nothing except the bill. I dont know what they look like if they re safe. Some of us want to be fathers and be loving and supportive. These Family courts are abusive and destroy families

Imagine growing up with a single parent and no siblings. Talk about loneliness

Single parent is not an easy job... Why this kids now a days only mind themselves..their emotions etc. Did you ever thought about your parent especially single mom doing everything she can to provide you everything... The 9mos of carrying you on her womb afraid everything that might happen to you...the sleepless night when you want to have milk... The stress of the bills, your future, your health and her job... A single mom who got pregnant without a responsibility of a father...or divorce mother.... We forget about our own self since the first time we hear your heartbeat...it is not always about your selves... Did you ever ever had any idea where we stand right now..???did you ever understand us????and i know each of any of us single parent ..we love our children more than any one else...proud single mom here...

This is part of America's (and the world's) problem today...……. too many single parent homes...…… too many young ladies getting pregnant, for one reason or another, too many dad's leaving their families, too many people on drugs,,,,,, reason after reason......… and making their life 100 times more difficult...… we should applaud the kids who grow up with one parent and work hard and become successful!! Parents need to be parents!! We adults need to step up!! Best of Luck to all.

I'm a singke dad with full blown custody begging for their mom to spend more time with them, she always says no im just folloing a court order, wich breaks a daddy's heart, so how do I become that role modes when you've continously get shut down by the system.

Henlo. I am only child, single mother. I never realized how difficult chasing my dreams, and trying to gain financial stability on my own and for both of us. I feel majorly diminished because Im having a difficult time finding that balance.

How do people explain the drop in the violent crime rate since the 90s even as single family households grew as a percentage? Conservatives who blame single moms for violent crime can never seem to fit that square into a round peg.

Thank you for sharing this, Stephanie.

kudos to you Stephanie for your bravery and honesty towards this fragile topic. your mom should be proud to have done a awesome job without the help of a father. she has done more than some mothers who have the support of the father parent. keep striving Stephanie!! #celebratingYOU

I wish I had a father growing up, my mom is insecure who doesn’t like me growing up in life. I’m glad I left and got a happy life.

Can I just say that there is a lot of negative representations of single parenting but there are instances such as me and my mum we have a great relationship and I'd say I'm not too messed up or at least not from not having a dad.

For a wonderful time in my life I interacted with many children. On occasion I saw a child needed some "daddy"time' the signal could be behavioral, stuttering, lisping or something equally insignificant. I had three of my own but would wait till I could give that child my exclusive time. It always helped.

It’s great that this young lady has a lot going for herself despite her disadvantages, but single parenting is never a good idea, no matter how many “Cinderella” stories are out there. The truth is that not having a father in your life leaves a void, whether we want to admit it or not, that we try to fill the rest of our lives. Sometimes we find closure. Now, this is not to say that as an individual you will fail in life because your father was absent...but it takes an emotional toll on us...course we grow up and embark in raising families of our own, and even become good parents, despite our upbringing, and we compartmentalize our “daddy” issues, because what else can we do. Life goes on, but the damage (and the caliber varies) has already been done. I know from experience.

People are totally missing the point when it comes to single parenthood. In reality it's not two parents versus one parent but support versus lack of support. Children need many caregivers and role models. Even two parents are not enough and economy makes it hard for parents to find time for their children. A single parent household which is financially stable and has benefit of support of extended family and comunity is way better for a child then two parent household which is isolated, financially deficient and where parents struggle with mental health, stress and relationship problems. The focus should be not on constant pointing out disadvantaged of single parenthood but on making our society more supportive of families and children in general. It does take a village to raise a child.

Thank you, that was very brave, I doubt I could have been so honest at your age. I'm sure your talk helped so many people. Whatever good you do, you will find benefits you.

Not really a great talk imho. She could have focused on more important consequences. Sure, taking care of younger brothers and sisters may impose a sense of responsibility upon older siblings, however, being obligated to mature without anyone to look up at its way harder. This complicates even more when the child lives in a chaotic household.

telling a kid in a single parent home to just not listen make good choices and succed is like telling a drug addict to just say no, it completely ignores all the causal factors psychological and environmental..

This girl is only 16. She can't possibly know that she's "fine" without her dad. It leaves a hole in your life. She won't understand this until much later.

things are better with two parents more money or more encouragement. single parent households do not mean doom for kids

Can I get the link for this?

People need to remember these are generalities relative to everything else.

Carver Military Academy? And she stated she doesn't need a father...

The book Freakonomics has a chapter: "Why do so many drug dealers live with their mothers?" When you look at the "projects", with all of their dysfunction, it is the dysfunction of single parent households. John Wardlaw, former Director of the Hartford Housing Authority, surveyed residents. He realized he could get enough resources to maybe deal with 2% of the problems of his residents. He realized that if he could just reunify families, that he wouldn't need external resources. He started a Family Reunification Program. It was fantastically successful- and it was cheap.

This is my life in nutshell. My pa passed away when I was 4

Better to grow up in a happy single parent house then a dysfunctional duel parent home. It really comes down to what kind of parent you are and what you prioritize

Thank you. I'm a single parent and need to hear more from children like you to learn your needs.

I think she did a real good job of speaking ♥️

Women hold back boys from becoming men to control them. Its been that way since the day I was born. My mother would only let me do things her way, which made me into a weak, confused, hesistant boy, who later would be full of anger and rage. Even after the age of 18 she would still try to control. Her main weapon: shame. I packed my things, left the state, moved far away stopped answering her texts, calls, and it was like my life began finally. I will not talk to her again in the lifetime, its been 3 years and they have been the best 3 years of my life, although they have not been easy as I have grown and with growth Ive had to awknowledge what I was, what I am now and how far I have to go to get where I'm going.

We live in a system that is not supportive to women as mother's and men as father's. Work and sometimes education come between family, also family patterns and history of abandonment. Fight the system! Pray invite God to do miracles in your life, continue to fight, don't settle for normal.

So im searching for any information of parents that take care of multiple children on their own. Full time. 24/7. No Breaks. Im not finding any information. Any resources would be greatly appreciated. Any one out their that dose what I do?

Why don’t people ever talk about the bad effects on divorces

How come people praise single fathers and not single mothers? I praise both!

I am a single parent with a decent relationship with my childs father. 7 years in, it is a much better relationship now than when we were in it under the same roof. We see each other every day. Our child spends time every day with me, time with his dad and on occasion with us as a trio. It was an acrimonious split but our child was important enough to us to find a way to work together to meet his needs as well as become the parents we needed to be. We owe it to our children to show them that are entitled to grow in healthy relationships even if that means that mom and dad live in separate houses. It is far better than two people that cant share stress and space under the same roof.

The real effects of single parent households are: higher poverty, higher dropout rates, higher teen pregnancy, higher teen drug use, higher crime rates, etc. No matter how much Mom thinks she "will give her kid all the love he needs", it won't be enough.

Single parent can be the result of death, divorce, or seperation, but it can also result from single parent adoption or woman having children on their own thanks to fertility treatments. Whether they elect to be single parents or have no choice, single parents are usually at a disadvantage in many ways compared to two-parent families.

why does this video have 30 dislikes, it was a great speech DOUBLE THUMPS UP to STEPHANIE GONZALEZ

The real effect: Peace and Joy 💃🥰

The incentives for both divorce and single motherhood are too high and the consequences are too low. Until these dynamics change, expect more of the same negative perceptions about single mothers. Also, contrary to the mass media and what feminist and women's orgs maintain, the vast majority are not victims, but single moms by choice.

I posed the question on FB "What is #1 change that has been worst for our society?". Thought I'd hear mostly about removal of God from our lives, and I did get that. Smartest person I know, Asian, MIT engineer had most compelling response: The worst thing we did for our society was to condone single-motherhood, 'normalize' it. I believe he is correct. Please think about it unemotionally, all that typically (emphasis on typically because of course we know exceptions) flows from that.

Amazing Contin as always Ted talk 💙if you and the person that you’re about to sleep with has not had a discussion about having kids maybe one of y’all should wrap it up because parenthood is not something to play with. This is not when you were little kids playing house.If you want to play around, go get your dog.

Strong independent and don't need no man 💥

My kids dad left me for a younger woman. I am really scared for my babies.

I have many guy friends who were raised by single mothers.... Most of them have multiple addictions and do what feels good in the moment. One took out an auto loan at 20 percent interest. He spends everyday high on marijuana justifying everything he does and has done in a weird way.

Yes!!!

An angry stressed out mom. Unfortunately. When you try to raise your kids right but everything falls on you. Your needs no matter how urgent go lacking and wants lol forget that. You get blinded by the must do of taking care of children. Having a sick child and and elderly parent...sometimes I feel like I'm better off dead

I went through a no fault divorce haven't gotten to see my daughter in three years, needless to say my daughter will repeat k-12 so I get my parenting time and if she is defiant and says she will not she doesn't have a future in this world! I had a child to raise a child!

Bottom tier Ted talk

The results of the 2010 United States Census showed that 27% of children live with one parent, consistent with the emerging trend noted in 2000

The book Hillbilly Elegy discusses this in some detail.

Its all about asking the right questions to get the right answer. Are single parent families as common in the upper classes? Is domestic violence as common in the upper classes. If so what is it they know that we don't, and what is it their doing that we won't. discuss??

Kids from single father homes perform equally to kids with from a nuclear family. It’s actually just single mother homes

Kid haters can’t stand it when people like children.

It makes me angry and sad that conservatives talk about single moms in a bad light, and then blatantly say they would not raise kids that are not of their own. Some kids need a father figure, how are they suppose to find one? What are your solutions?

Hahahaaa...the best kids I have ever met that came from single parent homes, were raised by Dad. The worst come from homes where only Mom and her continual stream of boyfriends are present.

One day I hope to make a change and help these single parent households guidance is a huge factor when a parent is trying to play two rolls. I grew up in a single parent household and was well aware of the effects as a child.

All you people makes me appreciate my dad.

At least you have a brother

I think she mised an element of parenthood. There are those of us who choose to be single parents becausw we never met anyone to fall in love with or simply never desired marriage but we weren't going to deny ourselves the joy of parenthood. So, are all of those single people who choose surrogacy or adoption to be labeled as bad parents? Will those children be bitter? I doubt it because they have grown up in a loving, caring home and that's all that matters in the end.

Can someone send me a link that's speaks to " What are the disadvantages of single parenting on the parent?"

Sweetheart, next time you do a speech please stand still. Don't keep moving around like that. And keep your head up as you speak hun. You did a great job! Just work on your confidence. (This is not a malicious comnent, I'm genuinely trying to help). Best of luck to her.

Still affects me

only child of a single mother represent!

Could someone share their opinion like is it okay for single ppl to adopt kids will those kids experience the same?

I'm a happy single mom. Don't want to change that. Always wanted that. Living my dream life.

Parents is who gave you life

Quote: The reasons for a single parent family is "going through a divorce", "a parent chose not to stick around", or "a parent has passed away". Unquote. There is another reason ....... The guardian parent won't let the other parent see their child, or be part or their child's life.

Not a deadbeat daddy here. The government needs to be responsible for arearage.

If my questioning leads to statistics that suggest the upper classes are more likely to marry, less likely to divorce, and have less reports of domestic violence. Then we're in the wrong and clearly we need to raise our standards and expectations of life.

The only people bad mouthing single parent households, are the ones that aren't doing it and can barely keep it together with a partner.

I’m doing a report on this can you guys comment problems you had growing in a single parent home

Having a Parent and a Goal is like Comparing TVs to a Car

What is the goal of this TEDTalk? Is it to demonstrate that fathers are not needed? On that question, the verdict is in. Children raised in single parent households headed by mothers have catastrophically worse outcomes than two parent households and, more significantly, catastrophically worse than single parent households headed by fathers. The rates of adverse interactions with the law, violent tendencies, imprisonment, running away from home, teenage pregnancies, drug addiction, high school dropout rates, homelessness, and suicides are significantly worse when a child is raised in a home by a single mother. Not a little bit worse, dramatically worse. Astonishingly worse. Because the statistics do not favor single parent households led by mothers, instead of attempting to address this fact directly, the woke mob decided to try to engender sympathy and widespread acceptance for households lead by single mothers by putting a sweet 16 year old girl on stage so we could watch her limp through a scripted monologue about how her life isn’t so bad. This seems to me to be an implicit request that we all engage in willful blindness and pretend that we don’t see the catastrophic effect on the social and economic outcomes of the children raised in fatherless households and ultimately on society at large. I am not willing to close my eyes and pretend that everything is OK. The war on men and the expulsion of fathers from the lives of their children by fickle ex-wives and divorce court judges will be our undoing as a nation. The very fabric of our society will unravel if we keep this up. And with that in mind, it is absolutely horrifying to watch this 16 year old girl try to persuade an audience that her absentee father has not had an adverse impact on her life. From her soliloquy, we are supposed to extrapolate that fathers are simply unnecessary. I notice that this video was posted in 2015. I would like to hear a postscript, how has her life turned out? Now that she’s 24 years old, how are things going for her? That is the litmus test. Let her come back to the TEDTalk stage and provide us all with an epilogue telling us all about her happily ever after. I don’t wish her ill, but if she’s supposed to set an example for how children raised in fatherless households can and will thrive, then let’s see how things have turned out for her. And then we can draw conclusions.

this made me cry for my kids :'(

You are a strong young girl

As soon as the divorce. The other kids treat them differently. Like lower class. When women had abortions, they lost so much. To have to even think that is a sin. Do they treat all life without the love they lost with the idea to just get rid of any other?

Then what's your opinion on a mother who is striking out at her 2 year old son and swearing/hitting the father?

What if the dad is still around?

Real talk. Instead of choosing the steady guy with a decent job, women choose the bad boy that smoke weeds and play video game. Now they’re single mothers. Action have consequences ladies

She is saying a lot of nothing. This said “The effects of a single parent household”. This is just her talking about a couple of examples of a single parent household. It didn’t talk about the actual effects; the welfare state and it’s drain on society, the correlation between the rate of property crime and the amount of single mothers, or the fact that as long as society deems it ok the more it is going to happen. Nothing about K vs R selection, or anything substantial really. It’s all a bunch of personal stories. I thought Ted was about sharing ideas, not about allowing personal stories to seduce what I’m trying to contemplate. If you want to do that fine, but don’t mislead people’s thoughts. I come from a single mother household too. I want to actually see the effects it has on the world, not to tell stories.

They Joys of single parenthood: Peace, Love, Happiness! No more bullshyt and drama! 💃👏

A WICKED SYSTEM...

or a parent has a drug/alcool problem. which is also a very big problem in america.

Fathers are superfluous. And women don’t need no man. So they substituted men with the government through resource transferral. Government provides her police state (protection), welfare programs (security), admissions and hiring quotas (resource$).

It's hard to watch her