The Science of Dating - Alex DatePsych | Maiden Mother Matriarch 87 

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Didn't mention the rise in the internet or social media in any aspects of the conversation. Just that one major thing that has changed in the last 10 years. You know, where now we have a device with us at all times where we can compare our relationship to the facade of everyone else's relationship.

30:00 Correction! Rupert Murdoch is 93 and he just married Elena Zhukova who is 67! (She's not in her late 50s).

This was great, thank you Louise. If you're interested in feedback on what type of content to publish, please consider dating for slightly older women (over 45). I know so many women who would love some guidance ❤ thank you

Much of this data seems to be self-reported eg questionnaire/survey based. How reliable an indicator is a person's first hand account versus what they do in reality? Contrast what people say to survey teams versus what people do in private on dating apps.

I am a defense attorney who has handled hundreds of domestic violence cases, at least, likely approaching a thousand at this point. And I spoke with a prosecutor, who will have handled thousands of DV cases. And we both agreed that we have the same experience. The most common relationship status for DV is 1. Unmarried Cohabiting (the overwhelming majority), 2. Unmarried living separately (substantially less common), 3. Married Cohabiting (even slightly less common). You could try and attribute that to a number of things, poor people are more likely to cohabit unmarried, maybe these unmarried relationships are usually newer/younger relationships and the people have had less time to realize they don't work. You could even blame reporting bias, people in marriages call the cops less, although I think that's less true on the felony level (it's not easy to hide when someone has had 3 bones broken and has to go to the emergency), but our observation still holds.

Alex's content is slop

🎯 Key points for quick navigation: 00:00 *📖 Introduction to the discussion on dating, relationships, and behavioral science with Alex DatePsych.* 02:11 *💔 Women initiate around 60% of divorces, but there is often mutual agreement from both partners to end the marriage.* 03:19 *🧠 Sex differences in behavior like infidelity, substance abuse, and declining relationship satisfaction contribute to women initiating divorces more.* 04:58 *📋 In some countries like Spain, mutual filing for divorce accounts for 60% of cases, with men and women filing equally for the rest.* 06:23 *🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Assortative mating leads to problematic people pairing up, contributing to mutual relationship issues and divorces.* 07:18 *👩‍🎓 Highly educated women have lower divorce rates, contrary to popular anecdotes.* 08:42 *💫 Personality traits like the Dark Triad, low conscientiousness, and high neuroticism are good predictors of divorce.* 10:08 *💍 The decline in marriage rates could be due to people cohabiting instead, economics, pursuing careers, or social/religious changes.* 13:48 *👰 Formal marriage commitment makes people more likely to stay together despite low relationship satisfaction.* 15:27 *😟 Women's higher neuroticism may contribute to their faster declining relationship satisfaction over time.* 20:46 *💔 Men sometimes enter long-term relationships with lower commitment levels, keeping "one foot out the door."* 21:39 *💃 The reasons behind the perception of promiscuity as high status for some women, despite slut-shaming, are puzzling.* 22:49 *👨‍🚀 Men view male promiscuity as a status signal, while women view it negatively, like how men perceive female promiscuity.* 24:14 *🧩 More promiscuous people tend to select more promiscuous long-term partners, showing a preference for similarity.* 25:38 *👸 Attractive people tend to remain attractive across their lifetimes, making "glow-ups" rare.* 27:14 *🤵 Younger, inexperienced men have a stronger preference for virgin partners, which seems reasonable.* 28:55 *👫 Men overwhelmingly prefer younger partners, with larger age gaps as they get older, while women consistently prefer partners 2-4 years older.* 31:42 *🙅‍♀️ Women of all ages tend to disapprove of large age gaps, especially when the woman is very young, possibly due to experiences with older men.* 35:28 *💰 High-status, wealthy men tend to marry women close to their age and socioeconomic status, not exploit their status for much younger mates.* 37:33 *💎 Physical attractiveness is the strongest predictor of mate selection, with personality being a close second, even for high-status individuals.* 39:55 *💰 Large age gap relationships between wealthy men and very young women are seen as mutually exploitative, playing into stereotypes.* 40:50 *💪 Extremely masculine male faces are not rated as most attractive by women, possibly signaling high aggression or poor health.* 42:40 *🌟 Extremely tall or short heights in men are seen as less attractive, indicating a preference for avoiding extreme traits.* 43:08 *👰 Facial femininity seems to have a linear relationship with attractiveness for women, without an extreme cutoff.* 43:35 *🧑‍🤝‍🧑 More masculine individuals tend to prefer more feminine partners, and vice versa, possibly seeking gender conformity.* 44:31 *👫 People in gender non-conforming relationships tend to select partners similar in non-conformity.* 44:58 *👪 Despite masculine and feminine appearances, couples often look facially similar due to assortative mating.* Made with HARPA AI

Groovy goatee mate

Nice to see Uthred from Last Kingdom is getting some work.

I remember hitting puberty and thinking 18-19 year old girlwomen were so mature and attractive. Now when I meet with extended family in that demographic I feel like the hard floor has to be at least 30. Yes, youth and beauty and fertility and all that, but how could you possibly have a conversation with them? And holding out for a 30-year-old virgin would be totally weird and just asking for trouble!

Fantastic interview. Great to see the tired old clichés regarding the difference between men and women and thier choices. We are more similar than different, is what I have always suspected

24:58 Red pill myths I think the Red Pill guys have a point. Older women don't get the kind of guys they want anymore. They tend to "settle". Most of em end up with what Red Pill guys call "simps". I think a certain mate value differential across different age groups will elucidate that. And how many of those are "stuck" in marriages without a way out? Not all relationships are equal.

If you look at sex through the lens of attachment styles, secure people engage in sex as an expression of the intimacy that already exists between their partner, whereas anxious people use it to evoke intimacy. For anxious people, sex is a way of binding someone to them and regulating their emotion. For avoidant people, sex is something to keep the other person at a distance, to create separation, therefore, they prefer to engage in hookups and casual sex.

I appreciate Alex's data first approach.

Cool how Alex took a break from playing guitar in Anthrax to help ppl with their relationships.

LP carefully and sensitively diagnoses likely childhood traumas, with short phrases, registering high on the inappropriately hilarious meter. ("Daddy chasers").

@Livin wanted to prove that he's more "shameless" than me. Lol, I guess I had it coming.

45:12 Yeah, because ppl are actually most attracted to, and most able to healthily reproduce with their 3rd or 4th cousins, or something like that. Humans are weird. I don't know compared to what, but still. (Pls continue defending the English Moorlands for me, mine sistren, my kin and I will be on vacation for a few more centuries).

I am a modern Muslim physician live in Europe,try to be open minded, working since 13 years. In West Earope HPV- associated cancer are on rise despite vaccination, single woman and men are more frustrated and depressed in comparison 10 years ago. Date Rape s are rising. Sorry but this sexual freedom just benefits men who like one night stands, it doesn't benefit women at all. How many women whose Lifestyle is one night stand report getting STD or rape from their sex dates, although they thought they have everything under control.

I'm not sure if educated people get fewer divorces because the quality of their marriages are better or because they want to maintain the same lifestyle. I grew up around the rich and educated and people had doctor parents who were miserable and cheating, even some with substance issues but everyone put on a good front and all of those people are still together.

I think the suspect thing with Leo Dicaprio isn't that he likes younger women... as research shows most men do! But it's that he has a pattern of discarding his girlfriends once they reach around 25 years old, and then starting again with a younger woman, only to rinse and repeat. If he dated a 19 year old and they then broke up at 29... and his next girlfriend was 25 and he broke up woth her at 32 etc, I think there would be less judgement. He shows no depth or variety in his dating. The reason of course I think is because he doesn't want children, which is a fair enough position, so perhaps he breaks up woth girlfriends just before they are likely to put the pressure on settling down and committing. Women would tend to do this as they pass their mid 20s. Just my theory anyway.

About rich men not marrying women with big age gaps and so on, maybe that is to avoid criticm from others Those rich men have high status and they want to maintain it, but look at how people criticize leonardo and chris evans and other men for having an age gap, men with high status wouldn't want to put under suxh criticism, so that will have an effect And anyway, they are pretty rich, and if they want to have sex with young women, they can do it without her being their wife So it could be that they try to maintain their status by not going against society a lot, and they know they could do it as infidelity if they wanted. Also, those women they choose are mostly better mothers(in their eyes at least), and it seems most of them become stay at home moms or something, so the men aren't marrying them to get help with the money.

Of course, it's rather gauche to explicitly point out some of the main things different genders prioritize in mates, like status and looks. Now, let's discuss how everyone ruthlessly, subconsciously tries to breed-out all extreme traits, or anything that seems weird. *And thy doth droppeth thy mic-eth*

Helloooooooo

Since I have no shame, but enough ppl have told me that my tongue-in-cheek, deliberate oversharing is obnoxious, I think I'll just not comment on how I do/don't personally relate to topics in this convo, lol. *Parasocial personal dialogue ends*

There’s a contradiction in requiring dating premarriage to be monogamous when marriage is defined as monogamous. If not married, not monogamous is implied by marriage being commitment to monogamy.

DatePsych started out appearing to wanting to bring academic infomation to the debate, but that long since passed. The Ego has taken over. He attacks other data sources while his own data is twitter polls. There seems to be a lit ofctrying to panda to a female audience. Even when Rollo Tomassi is saying obviously dumb things DatePsych's criticisms are weak. The combo of ego and appealing to female audiences has created a "Simp-o-sphere" which really need to stop and think about what they are doing.

Even just the fact that we have the phrase "body count" now, rofl.

I don’t dispute most of the stats, but the interpretation here seems a bit skewed to flatter women and be unfair to men. When it comes to infidelity, I think the worst temptation for men comes from having a woman at home who relentlessly criticizes, nags and fights him on everything (which correlates with women never being satisfied), who may have also let herself go physically, and meeting a woman who is attractive, maybe younger, and thinks he’s great. That’s where it gets really tough. I think guys who are just flat out players, always wanting some strange, are unlikely to ever get married to start with. His downplaying of women hitting the wall and finding themselves alone is also really not good, because it is definitely happening. I wonder how old his stats are. Women being pushed to pursue career and partying in their 20s, waking up 30 and realizing they’re not as attractive as they used to be and only have a few years left to have kids, is absolutely happening at epidemic levels. You see them saying so for themselves on social media all the time now. There are a few other stats I’ve heard that were not mentioned, and are interesting. One is that age gap relationships are not equal in both directions. When the man is older, the relationship is actually more likely to last than if they’re the same age, while if the woman is older, the relationship is very unlikely to last. The average age gap is about what he said, but I don’t know that it’s been established what the ideal age gap is for the survival of the relationship. It seems relationships of the DiCaprio sort do have very strong appeal for both men and women, but the question of being at the same level of maturity and knowledge to have a deep, meaningful relationship could be a challenge. Along with being at different stages of life. Although I have no doubt that if DiCaprio actually valued marriage and chose one of these women, it could easily work, given his wealth and status. Mick Jagger had a baby a few years ago with a woman who was like 29, which is ridiculous, but it happened. And of course there is Donald and Melania. But those are obviously extremes. An older man and a younger woman at least makes sense pragmatically, on paper. But an older woman and a younger man doesn’t. If she’s attractive enough, the guy might be into it, but it’s very unlikely to last. Another stat is that the happiest relationships are the ones where there’s the biggest height difference between the man and woman (assuming the man is taller). So there is a lot of evidence that extremes of dimorphism and masculinity/femininity, which includes age and status, do play a positive role, more than he suggests. And finally, perhaps most importantly, is the fact that the divorce rate is often sloppily exaggerated, without including important context. The percentage of marriages that end in divorce is always mentioned, without the critical fact that a first marriage (for both spouses) is much less likely to end in divorce than second, third and fourth marriages. The divorce rate increases each time you get divorced. So a subset of people are throwing off the stats by getting divorced and remarried repeatedly. The ideal probably is to marry your high school sweetheart, as virgins, but sadly that happens less and less these days. Maybe it will make a comeback among Gen Z. In all cases, the strongest marriages are where there are shared values, specifically religious ones. And it’s not even close.

You commented on women with high body counts not ending up being alone because they still get married But getting married doesn’t guarantee not ending up alone because divorce happens, and the link between body count and divorce is strong, it could predict divorce better than education, people with body count of 9 or more are about 3 times as likely to be divorced as those who wait till marriage, controlling for religiousity and many factors, so the gap is very big, and most people with body count over 9 will be divorced one day and a lot of them divorced multiple times, so yes, i will say they are much more likely to end up alone or going through those multiple divorces and having step families...etc

I think you both are absolutely right about about women's distaste of age gaps being related to being hit on by old men when they were young. Especially if you worked in a job with the public as a teenager. Can't count the number of creepy older male restaurant patrons who invited me or one of my coworker waitresses to come 'sit in their laps'. And are completely oblivious to the waitresses polite but wincing response. See the expression where she looks like she's actually in pain? That's means a big no. It's the waitresses' job to be nice, she's not interested in you. That was back in the 70s and I thought times had changed until recently I was talking to a friend who owns a diner who told me, oh it's still going on. She literally had to go so far as to take legal action against a customer who would not be gainsayed against making sexually inappropriate comments to her waitresses. That kind of clueless harassment leaves a life long impression.

who else watching this while browsing dating apps

Alison Tieman from the Honey Badgers has already debunked and clowned this dark triad guy after he dismissed her criticisms of his takes.

Not his real name surely🤣

The "highly educated are unlikley to get divorced" is a bad description. When you look at high earners there us lower risk. Amoung PhD holders they will be lower risk but the complaint is not focused on the woman who gets a PhD at 24 marries the guy she was with through that course. It often focuses on the woman with an undergrad or a masters they did because they didn't know what to do. Mid-wittedness is the problem. There is a complaint about the wo an with a PhD who never holds down a long term relationship and at 30+ complains about PhD men not chasing them, but these are small numbers (if over visable).

If ur fair and unbias have a red pill guy like rollo tomasa no this guy