Interesting video, I kinda wanna have a conversation with you someday. I think about these kind of topics a lot myself, but I don't have as many discussions with others anymore. As for whether men should seek traditional therapy? Just like many things there should be a balance, and that balance may shift from person to person. I think many of the individuals who "fall" into self improvement often forget to critically think within self improvement itself. I see a lot of self improvement individuals end up as idols instead of equals due to the amount of young men who are just listening and not thinking. As a result these individuals don't look at their own struggles to see what they actually need and just follow the guide. Something I've personally learned as I've started my own self improvement is to look at what I learned and to actually use the lessons of life to move forward. This is also why talk therapy is good because my "unintentional" talk therapy is how I discovered to contemplate my personal lessons of life. I hope this wasn't too all over the place.
Self improvement is not inherently bad but most people trying to give young men (like me) life advice are doing it just to sell a product or earn money rather than being genuine about helping others. I don't think therapy can be replaced at all since some issues can be so severe that they need to be assessed by a pro but it would never harm to try and improve in certain areas of your life. The problem is that self improvement has been capitalized and most advice given is superficial/mainstream and that's where you are inherently different. You leave room for people to form their own opinion and reflect on things in their own way, which really makes your channel outstanding to me. Most channels and self proclaimed gurus try to talk people into problems so they can sell them the solution.
I think it depends on the severity of trauma / problems. I have extreme trauma from very abusive and messed up parents and I was abused into believing it was normal and that I deserved it, so I didn’t seek help out of fear. However, when I finally did start seeking help, therapy certainly helped me make sense of it, but what actually helped was connecting with those that have gone through similar situations if not worse. The empowerment I felt by not being alone in my abuse and trauma was definitely the changing moment of my life. And after that, self reflecting and developing my wisdom and philosophy on life. Faith in God helped me a lot too.
Yes. Too much substance abuse, too many suicides, and more single men than ever. I may get flagged for saying this but lots of young men are changing their genders as because they don’t want to be men anymore and see that women generally have it better. Very sad times
Self improvement changed my life when I got into the gym I lost 70 lbs in 3 months and it really opened my eyes. Like if I can do this thing that everything thinks is so hard to do what else can I do start a business,become rich, I feel like after doing something you thought was impossible is the best way to see that if you just put your mind to anything in life you really can succeed
70 pounds in 3 months means you may have just been over eating. Everyone loses weight at different speeds. Congratulations on your weight loss though bro.
Self improvement as a coping defense mechanism is a tricky thing to have. I've been doing shadow work for a while and I can say surely that: someone in my past has hurt me in a certain way and my form of running away has been trying to improve myself so others won't hurt me like in the past. So technically, I need to take some time to not improve in order to face the trauma and therefore knowing my true purpose!
I’ve been noting to do shadow work but idk where to start. Can you help or guide me in a way on how to get started? I know that you have to face them but idk how like should I meditate and do it? Journal?
@@angelmaldonado5657 I think Teal Swan on RU-vid has the best walk through for shadow work, parts work, etc. Idk if Cole does. If he does you could probably find it in the search bar. I hope this helps. Disclaimer: she's very spiritual, but even if you don't think spiritually the same way, the exercise is very effect.
This is so true for me as well. I am recently going through a dark night of the soul where I am slowly realizing that nothing external is gonna fill that hole inside of me. You see people like Hamza (I don’t mean to hate), they are constantly pushing, grinding, striving for some unknown, distant future which is definitely what this concept of “self-improvement” feels like. The real question is, to what end? When do you get to a point on self-improvement that you feel like you’ve arrived? Now I’m doing activities that truly make me happy, such as video games. I’m starting to find my own identity and I’m beginning to feel much more content with my life. I was miserable when I cut out technology, video games etc. Things are only a waste of time if you feel they are a waste of time. Of course you shouldn’t be a non-stop hedonist but putting constant restrictions on yourself and what habits you should or shouldn’t partake in isn’t the answer either. Spend time alone in quiet contemplation and you’ll discover yourself and your wants and needs. Don’t follow anyone else’s script. “Seek nothing outside of yourself” - Miyamoto Musashi
This issue with mens mental health is an age old problem. Fight club movie brought it to my attention. In my case I am an introvert naturally and I can act as an extrovert with ease. Over the years I lost who I was. Add in the mix a hidden disability it became a minefield for me. Social media actually helped. David Goggins help to deal with the voice of doubt in my head and the suffering. Rebecca zung helped me deal with narcissism in home life and work life. Finally a guy who's name I've forgotten helped me with diet and intermitted fasting to help me lose weight. All the above was the easy bit . The hard bit is keeping doing it day in and day out. I want that euphoric feeling again I experienced during the journey I started. It was amazing and I can't find words to express it. Like a personal visit from God.
I feel solitary, i have been in the self development path for 2 years. I got a extremely better body My grades got better I got a better jawline and atractiveness overall Read tons of books Opened a business and a website And a million of others things yet i feel empty, lonely as if i am alone in the world. I feel like i want to cry but dont want to cry at same time, my days are not monotone but they feel like it, im constantly trying to put in my mind the idea of discipline everyday but even when i complete all the tasks i had to do, i still feel horrible. I barely talk to anyonr and i lf i do, i struggle. I struggle to express my emotions, i have no one to talk or open with because i always give the impression of a "focused" and "impenetrable" guy. I just want to feel better mentally and be able to talk like a normal person, be able to talk to girls or whatever and live my life being happy and not in a constant depressive and terrible state. Sorry guys, i had to open up, if you guys have any suggestions please tell me
Hi random stranger, hope u are doing well. Now I think that what you lack is your self-actualization meaning that you have to see that you're enough. Self improvement has to be for your"self", you already ahead alot of peoples in the world so give youselves prop for that. Don't be too stress on the destination but focusing on the small baby steps in the journey. You got this my king 💪💪💪
When I read this, while it is important to self-actualize, if you truly feel that there's something missing on the social side, it makes me think that now's the time to create a community. Not out of ego, but for connection and lifting up others. But It's first best to start off small and allow yourself to fail sometimes, since not all interactions will go well, but talk to people when you can, strangers too, paying attention to what they may be potentially interested in, with the logos on their clothes or other things. As well as think of your perspective, as well as outside perspectives and see what works for you. Also you can talk to people in public areas as well such as parks or work, and if possible, holding events at work can be fun too. And it's alright to cry, and if not in front of people, it can be by yourself too sometimes, but both, in essence of itself, is being true to you. if you don't feel like community or comradeship is missing, or that's something you genuinely want (or you do feel this has instead been a conditioned into you by society or other such reasons), then, in either case, it can also be worthwhile to question why you may feel like you're not normal, and when was the last time you've felt normal. Sort of, getting to the root of why. Since, you are normal, and quite frankly, absolutely human since a lot of us go through struggles as well, but there may be reasons for why you feel not normal, or "outcasted by society" to put it. It is good to be okay with yourself, and find peace in solitude, which may require a lot of self-reflection, but it's also alright to connect with others in however respectful or healthy ways you can.
Ask yourself: What are you doing to change that? That's the first step. I'm also lonely. 19 and almost no friends, no girlfriend, but I'm not doing anything to improve it
do what you feel like doing. And if you feel like doing something and can't do it yet for some reason, practice on it, you don't have to be regretting that you can't do it.
Being on self improvement but also following your actual passion is the vibe. I get therapy from making music but I also get the fulfillment from the gym too. I liked the point abt how when you mess up once you feel worthless, I’ve been working on that
I'm a therapist in my 30s. My path started with finding self help in my 20s. Success of therapy is tied to one's work outside of the therapy room, so they go together. I get all my clients onto journaling and exercise for example. But there is little regulation online so they could fall into a Tate rabbit hole for example or any other product funnel.
give me a quick online evaluation that im in the ASPD spectrum. i dont care about therapy or self improvement lol i just care about living my own life to the fullest every moment. cant have any diagnosis on an official record that's a bar for what i wanna do lol. ask me a few Qs or something lol. who knows maybe we can have an interesting youtube chat - the best convos tend to come from the internet anyways lol cus anonymity.
Tate has helped so many young men. I know guys that began exercising, reading, and so many other positive things due to listening to the Tate brothers. Writing him off is just ignorant and stupid.
Although my self-improvement rabbit hole has bore some positive fruit in my life, I recognize the root cause of it stems from a lifetime of never feeling good enough... and to make it harder, I've known several guys over the years who've achieved and obtained several of the things I want in in life.. but they did it without having to go through some long extended "self-improvement" journey. It just seems like it came to them naturally, which only makes me feel far, far worse about myself..
@@IvanRichards-k2f I don't understand how this is even possible. Comparing one's self to other people is the very basic foundation of identity in the first place. How can you have a goal for the kind of person you want to be without knowing that that kind of person exists?
The best revenge is success. Reap the rewards of your success and your grind, but make them and yourself unavailable to the shitty people that wronged you. They will try to force their way into your success, but they are simply parasites, a distraction from your grind. Pick your friends and partners carefully. Pick from the pool of people who were with you since day 1.
I recently started having conversations with one of my friends and I’ve been finding out how similar our lives have been and how our internal experience and negative self talk is. It’s so healing in a way because we’re deepening our friendship and it also shows that we don’t always have to rely on the women in our lives to be listened to and validated, also it ps great practice for becoming a better listener and empathetic.
Thanks for your videos! I'm 31 and tired of being rejected from women and i believe i gave up on dating! I'm struggling financially on a regular job that i can't afford a therapist. Everyone says to be yourself but i don't see how that works. Somedays videos like yours can be very helpful! Keep the good work and my we find peace one day! God bless us all!
It's about power, and the more "persona/masks" you possess. The more flexible your social skills will be. Personally i used to be "myself" But "myself" was a resentful person who lowered my own power and value. So i rather decided to be the best version of "myself" So i pushed myself to the limit, until i broke, and it was painful, but also felt good because of the fact that i managed to push myself to the limit of my capability. I did my best, and that made me satisfied. I am now almost recovered from my knee, foot and neck injury i got from overexerting myself during my physically demanding labor job. And ready for another rumble!
hey Todd, get first your finance straight, doesnt mean to be rich, but just be stable is well enough, and try to save some money, when you have some money save, go and travel to other country, you dont need to travel flashy with all the rich things, rather go backpacking, you will change your mind so much that I cannot even put in words. There is a saying in my country and believe me that is 100% true, "your are not ugly, you are just in the wrong country" and as soon as you get out of your country, you will see it!
@@jesusotero6441 Thanks my friend for your advice! I believe i must find a better job first of all and then start from there! I don't go to much in public events due to the luck of money that i have! I think my confidence is down cause I'm thinking if i talk to a girl that I can't afford to take her out for many dates. I definitely need to find a solution for my financial problems!
@@toddbr5959 we all do the same, but remember, if a girl only likes to go on dates and don’t care about ur struggles she is not the one, at the end the goal is to build a team. Also, u will be surprised that a lot of events are free, like hiking, museums, even fitness, try to join some groups about something u like that not require a lot of money, you never know who u can meet there
If you work with teens and preteens, just sit them down in a circle and ask questions and discuss. That's all they want. I grew up with this church that, even after moving I kept in touch with because the emotional and philosophical discussion had helped me become a very caring and nurturing man, but with little to show for it as this video describes. The self-improvement angle has felt like only a missing puzzle piece, rather than being completely lost and finding a single source of hope. If you're a young guy, just for the time, if you ever end up in a circle of people your own age, keep your ears open, take it seriously, and express how you really feel.
Very defeatist mindset that doesn't help you at all, but yes, there is a double-standard that society conveniently ignores no matter how much they pretend they're "okay with men being emotional." It's all talk.
It is. As a man you haveno other option but to get stronger. Also, open up abt your feeling to your “MALE” friends. They’re the ones who’ll understand you and give you practical advice.
I dunno man. I spent most of my life feeling the same. It does happen, thats for sure. I also found a lot of people who arent like that though. Im a 27 year old man, and the community im a part of has been resoundingly supportive of me when i open up to them. Men and women. It was hard to start doing that but since i have ive made more profound connections than i thought possible. Very, very few people have shown me anything else.
The reason we get laughed at is because we need to be strong we need to be able to protect others and we can’t do this by being weak. Listen i am only 13 but we have to understand the real life heroes who we used to look up to wasn’t weak they wasn’t emotional i’m not saying we need to hide are emotions but we need to be strong
An advice from someone who has been lifting for 10 years. There's ONE specific subject that you must know very well, specially if you don't have good genetics. Please learn biomechanics, it's gonna give you a framework within which you have all the instruments you need to understand what movement trains what muscle. This way you'll have an objective reference and you won't depend on any fitness influencer to tell you how you should perform the exercises. Even if you are trained by a trainer YOU need to learn how to move correctly
self improvement is a great starter for men who feel they’re behind, out of shape and uncoordinated socially. but i feel like you get to a point, when you’ve been self improving for so long, it’s not as effective as it was in the beginning. so now you have you confront that nihilistic feeling you have and realize no matter how many abs you have and how big your biceps are, you can’t escape that void inside of you. though, having big biceps and abs wouldn’t be too bad either lol.
I don't watch your videos looking for advice. I watch them because I want to see your perspective on things in general. To me, being able to separate my own opinions from other people's opinions is important.
2:32, this is a story talked about in Sebastian Junger’s book “Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging.” He has several TED talks on the subject of PTSD in soldiers and how a lack of being needed in society upon return from the battlefield can be traumatizing. TED talk I’m referring to is: “Our Lonely Society Makes It Hard To Come Home From War.” He talks about the London blitz at 11:22
This video is the pinnacle of double standards, basically recommending already struggling men to "slave away harder" whilst women who are struggling mentally will be met with almost unconditional support.
Both my sisters are elder to me and earn very good whereas I don't earn 1/10th of that, but my parents refuse to take any financial help from my sisters because they're daughters and that's just what we do in out culture. So yeah I relate very much to the burden of proving my value and constantly feel like I should be earning or helping out more whereas both my sisters can't help even if they want to. Thanks for reading
I went to therapy for a few months. I highlyyyyy recommend it. I had gone back and forth with biting the bullet and going to therapy. I was Mormon, and when I left that religion, it was emotionally demanding enough to get me to therapy. Self improvement is very helpful, but therapy helped me realize that I am not the problem. Im not perfect, but my negative feelings, stress, anxiety, and self hate, have all been pushed onto me by a society with expectations for me. Therapy helped me realize that I don’t owe anybody anything. There is no right or wrong way to be a person. The only things that matter are kindness and happiness. Everything after that is up to me.
This opened up my eyes to something new, I've been going through some tribulations that made me feel really depressed and hopeless to be quite honest but the content in this video is what I actually needed to hear thank you for opening my eyes to something new and Ill make sure to put in the work to be more satisfied with myself in the future and thank you again
Great stuff, excellent take on this. Self improvement can have its own issues. It is a deeply personal and unique experience for us all. It’s nice to know it’s not just me.
I wonder if this is really a male vs. female thing or whether this is rather dependent on an individual's character. I am a woman and I definitely feel everything you said matches the way I used to live before my life blew up and I had to realize that self-improvement was not the answer to how I approached life.
I'm a woman too and i can relate. But i also can totally see his pov of how we're (normally) raised being allowed to feel and express a variety of emotions, while young boys are used to hearing stuff like "be a man". Bottling emotions seems like a societal standard for them, do you agree?
I don’t think its binary thing between male and female, but a shifted statistical distribution. In most social experiments, the human case study always follows a normal distribution. Because of the normal distribution, it has have never state that female cannot have experience that certain males have and vice versa. However, I believe it also quite informative to take into consideration and be aware of the shift of the statistical distribution between male and female experience
@@isagf4804 Women are "allowed to feel" because from a male-centric view feelings and the expression of them is seen as a "sign of weakness", and most men do not like to feel or be seen as weak(i.e. as a human), they want to be seen as a figure of power, of reliability, of steadfastness. So they prohibit themselves to feel or to show/speak of those feelings because they don't want to "be weak". If men were allowed to be weak, I wonder how different things would go in regard to these red pill and "alpha male" movements that seem to push for a toxic mindset.
I think it applies to everyone in some regard, I see a lot of women who have a similar path, but he definitely mentions a more uniquely male experience with things that resonate more with men, like affects of fatherlessness, not being in touch with emotions and having to feel useful or desirable.
For men, the best strategy to depression is the Fight club way! I had a depression in 2015, lost love, job, perspective. I tryed sport, yoga and meditation to get some distance. Didn't really worked. And them I did get mugged, 3 guys attacked me, broke my jaws (it was less terrible that it sound, but I did went under surgery). But the thing is, after this beating, I was stronger than ever. I never cried about it. I hit rock bottom but I knew that I was alive, I survived. All the others problems of my life just became a fond noise. and I became Antifragile!
Self-improvement isnt the solution to every problem , as long we dont find inner peace , the problem will never be fixed no matter how many times we go to the gym or increase our social skill , there will always be that inner anxiety that eat us up slowly and ends up swallowing us and make us think that even self-improvement isnt effective , but the truth is that we didnt proceed the right way. For examples some man dealing with their gf cheating on them choose to self-improve as a way to deal with the pain and even to get back at their gf in the "yeah look at the chad you left , are you regretting" style , when the purpose of self-improvement is to get OVER the bad things in life , wether it is our bad habits or bad events that happenned to us.
Related to the story about London: in Ukraine first months of invasion started no one was depressed or passive, everyone was full of energy and active. No bullshit about how you look, self improvement, what people think about you - only pure primitive animal instinct to survive, group and collaborate with other people. Level of trust to each other and help was unbelivable. People could give to other people assets worth of tens of thousands dollars to transfer them or use for some time. It was really hole another world and society you never saw before
Been doing the whole 'self improvement' stuff , ive quit drinking , drugs (ive battled addiction) im in the best shape of life , clean , work , putting money by .. but i have ADHD , OCD .. no matter what i do i just seem to be head butting a brick wall and chasing my tail .. then i land straight back to hopelessness .. i am there rock bottom today , but i will stay clean and keep trying , wish you all the best
@@Wuuhuu55 im not 100% sure im just trying to be the best i can too try and find happiness! It does become very ritual like with ocd though, you get very set in your routine hope ive answered your question right
@@isaacverrall8782 What helped me is I started to play video games, eating candy again, masturbating and all these "bad habits" again. I stopped all these "good habits", cause they didn't helpnme at all. I still exercise though. There's nothing wrong with slacking off every now and then, it's actually quite healthy to relax your mind. I don't think life is about improving yourself, it's about just living.
@@Wuuhuu55 solid advice i definitely feel like ive got nowhere with it all tbh , i do allow myself down time too! Ive been a mess this last week mental health wise , i just feel lost in life my friend
At the end of the day I think the issue is we find ourselves in a hyper-competitive environment. The Earth is more populated and more connected than any other time in history. You do something well, and I can find you 100 other people that can do it 100 times better. Since so many men derive their value from providing and being successful in some domain, its no wonder so many feel dispossessed. Especially during economic downturns we find ourselves in, where our parents had a higher quality of life, and how absurdly skewed the dating market is between the genders. Women I speak to think I'm lying when I tell them I can't manage to get a single date off dating apps and get hardly any matches at all. The way I see it is you can A) accept yourself, and your conditions, and suffer by never getting what you want from life or B) accept things aren't fair, suffer by mitigating this unfairness with hard-work, and be rewarded with a higher quality of life
I think we all would be happier if we went back to more traditional roles. Think about it. Men like being useful. Building homes, communities, making money, teaching their sons how to be men. & women like running the house, raising the kids, & interacting w the community. Tradition is the answer. Men being more feminine whining that women are not chasing them when they traditionally are the chasers & women being more masculine by paying for everything (even half) & being the ‘man’ in a relationship is fucking all of us up.
Writing this as a female who has the mind of a man I've had depression for as long as I can rember and the thing is talking doesn't do anything, I refuse to go to therapy because I know it won't help however what does help is trying to improve myself. I go to the gym for about 2-3 hours a day 1/2 of that time I spend boxing and the other 1/2 I spend weightlifting. And this is the one thing that had actually helped my deppression. As a woman I have the privilege to be able to talk about my problems to anyone and people ask me about them however talking doesn't help I can't talk my way of deppression in fact I can't get rid of it period since it's chronic but what does help is taking action and finding something meaning in my life. I love you all my brothers. Good luck on your crap
Here's the issue. The idea that anyone can be anything they want if they're willing to work for it has had an unintended consequence. If you believe this, then you will blame yourself for not being better than you are. However, this point for view allows little room for spiritual thinking ie a power greater than ourselves governs our lives. A better mindset is accepting your role in the universe and the ways your life is out of your control, understanding that both our successful and unsuccessful attempts at self improvement were both intended. Once people accept their role and be the person they are naturally instead of trying to be the one they feel they should be, they will be far better off and more at ease.
lots of good points; I disagree on the shoulda coulda and woulda but the assessment of what is was a good one; Just one example of a disagreement I have is If one were to cry one too many times in front of your woman and you risk making her feel the ICK, no paradigm shift will outweigh thousands of years of instinct.
I just remember that there are bigger things than me and remember I'm a lost cause. But being lost isn't a bad thing look at the doctor from doctor who. I did. I just try to help others in my own chaotic good way and enjoy life when I don't take the existential grief to seriously
The fact that nearly every culture across the globe has similar philosophies regarding how young boys should be raised and educated going back thousands of years should be an indicator that this behavior is not merely a social construct.
I feel that a major problem is the stance that most people take towards masculinity, which is that they are not trying to discuss certain aspects but are rather defining it for almost the entire population. This is very bad as if someone doesn't fit a good chunk of the criteria, they will start to regress at least a little, at least mentally. It gets at least a little toxic when everyone wants to be the same as everyone in this aspect. Even though masculinity is something that's all-encompassing, everyone has a different compass. So if their compass doesn't lead to anywhere that the majority is pointing to, they may just end up disregarding their compass altogether. This is how people become lost. Perhaps people that are creating content for this purpose can be a bit more tactical in terms of their approach, as opposed to being an all-encompassing paradigm.
For me, I just left society's expectations in the dust and started a homestead alone. Society is in a ant like death spiral as culture rots, people become more and more weak and ignorant and the thing for me was be the one that walks away from it and watch it all burn and help those who want out get out
interesting point .... actually ,by reclutantly going to the gym myself because of me being alot out of shape i noticed,that for some guys and girls this thing is almost a religion ... the way the force themselves to overcome weights and limits is admirable on one side ..on the other makes me think , how healthy it actually is ..
Ugh. Physical self-improvement? Emotional self-improvement? Either way, it’s a lot of work just to get to what feels like it should be the starting line. Why do I even have to have negative impulses at all? Why can’t my natural desires be to take care of myself? How come knowing that it’ll make me feel like shit isn’t enough to make me not want to smoke weed alone and watch tv all day? Whether I give in to that urge or not is irrelevant, I’m saying why do I even have it? Why can’t I wake up in the morning and feel an overwhelming, unbeatable desire to take care of my body, respect myself, and return people’s texts? And I don’t mean on some hypothetical morning sometime in the future, I mean yesterday. People say build healthy habits but if I can have the desire to, opportunity for, and understanding of and yet still have that result in unhealthy ones then what even is the fucking point? It feels like I’ve been set up to fail. The problem with depression is that it makes perfect logical sense and the only way out of it is to admit you’re an illogical, irrational animal with a brain that has to be tricked into taking care of itself. I honestly don’t even care if there’s light at the end of that tunnel, it sounds terrible.
My logic is this. So what if it’s a coping mechanism? There are far worse things you could be falling in to in dark times. Through proper diet, bettering discipline, goal setting, and seeing your body slowly transform as your energy levels increase is the catalyst to seeing a different perception of reality. Your perception of reality dictates how you personally feel about the state of things. From my own experience, self improvement wasn’t the end all be all answer for anything. It was what allowed me to have a healthier mindset. It is simply a launchpad to better things, and was never meant to be the end point. My 2 cents.
9:30 Oh yes, the iniciation ritual all gym bros go throgh, once you reach "big hoodie dude" status you stop taking pre workout and just listen to the voices in your head
Moral of story, society has to start to hold fathers responsable for the children they help make, because it's ridiculous of society to complain about single mothers and how boys "lack masculine roles" but then they forget that no one holds accountable the cowards that abandoned their families.
it goes beyond that, society has progressed to dismantle community and isolate nuclear families, raising children needs to be seen as a community responsibility again not just that of individuals who happened to breed. Children are literally the future of the whole community not just of individuals. Individual solutions to collective problems dont work
Most fathers don’t abandon their family, I think it’s a silly, false narrative. The problem is the legal system incentivizes mothers and father, wives and husbands, to be apart, milking them of as much money as possible in the process. The government collects taxes on child support, alimony, and squeezes parents economically in so many different ways, especially when only one parent has primary or sole custody. Then you have one parent paying child support, and the other most likely works and has to pay schools, day cares, etc’ because they don’t have enough time. The system is broken because people want short term profit, and long term affects are starting to wreak havoc.
Therapy helped me, i had some severe mind brain issues, mild schizoid, cptsd, borderline. As a gymnastics teacher turned child care worker, i saw 1st hand how our educational system is geared to girls and disservices boys. It's a simple truism: Boys need activity, physical tasks. What you describe is a grown up version. Alexithemia? Sounds like the feminist lament that "men lack emotional intelligence". I view it the other way: women lack actional intelligence.
okey, this will sound like an andrew tate's statement but I'm gonna say it anyways: "Men feel better when they achieve goals, Women feel better when they are told that they are good"
@@nadourjfarcuson3487 I agree that appreciation, or recognition, are of great importance to psychological wellbeing. It appears to me that men and women are valued for different things, in different ways.
@@Crime_Mime you are correct about that. I see it similar however i think respect should be important for both genders. Yes ladies bring life into the world but thats only respected if shes married. House work is a chore but not anything a man cant do himself as a man on one of the weekend days unless its a whole mansion. Im not saying one should take up a combative spouse or anything but nothing is wrong if youre girl is knowledgable and can teach you something through her expertise if possible or if she like building muscles like you cuz that helps reduce osteoperosis and helps have more energy to do house keeping and physically get by. We as men have developed technology to the point where its possible for the opposite gender to pitch in where it doesnt necessarily involve lifting heavy equipment and be of service to others and be creative as well. Women feel better when they are told good because biologically they are phyically at a disadvantage and soceity goes by the weak serve the strong ideology. So even when a lady hasnt done anything to earn her validation she is probably still fed a lie just be cuffed then disposed of which still increases selfish ideology to be put on a pedestal by who they deem unattaractive. Ofcourse im not just gonna for women. Us men who are shown respect for hard working contribution regardless of social status or useful hobby would feel much better achieving his personal and career goals for his life journey and not want to tear the next man down for the whole dominate everybody ideology to be respected.
In the past men married younger , and had kids. At 25 you had a 3 years old kid , and another one in the making. It gave purpose and the epidemic of purposeless men was marginal.
I don't think self-improvement is a replacement for therapy, and vice versa. Therapy is a $60 per hour, once a week session that can help with some issues. But it's no replacement for the things that most of us men want, in terms of fitness, finance, accomplishments, etc.
The more men are feminised, the higher the rate of suicide. Then we say talk about your feelings more. Men currently have little purpose, hence the rise of people like Andrew Tate telling them to get fit, find a purpose, make money etc. Whilst he has said some hideous things, he's getting men to focus on something. Boys are growing up in fatherless households, no role models.. We need alternatives to Tate with more positive language.. Women go dry when they have a male partner who isn't strong and consistent.
Men should not open up their feelings. Only to their guy friends. But This is a feminine trait and women will punish you for opening up. Ever open up to a girl and she uses that against you? Yea been there done that I'm sure many others have been in that position
Before second wave feminism, there used to exist places exclusively male, at these places, men are supposed to be used to share their vulnerabilities and be validated by other men instead to play only this with women. I mean, after these places dropped down because society demands to include women everywhere, now the men would share their feelings almost exclusively with women. Men are very competitive, yes but it is often when there are women in the same environment. Once men are isolated, they tend to empathize with each other and encourage each other to improve themselves. Women, when women hear the men's problems, of course they will comfort men and encourage them to get out of depression and create a sense of their lives. This is beautiful, but only up to page number 2... They are not bad, the female nature will make them see these men looking weak and they will lose respect. Plus, after the sexual revolution, the families without a present father increased, it let men also lose the environment with the father to be accepted and validated to, after that learn that they can build their own targets.
Technically there's no improvement that isn't self generated in some way. Even in traditional therapy, lead by a professional, has to be cooperated with in order to actually work. I think both should be used. (Speaking as someone who purely took the self route because I've never had the money to do the traditional route.) Strictly self lead improvement is very difficult and takes years (since you are mostly fumbling in the dark at first), as opposed to having someone help you, which would be much quicker.
I enjoyed the video, but certain concepts were pretty sus, which made me check the comments and yeaaaj there's people talking about toxic masculinity and how most self improvement creators are reactionary/right wing. The idea of this video is to absorb average men (which are low value in the current market) into your social sphere, therefore preventing them from "rising up" like other creators like Hamza (who I dislike) try to do. Kids, NEVER talk about your feelings with women and men who aren't family or close friends.
I was also into the self improvement/help cult for quite a while and then i realized I don't want to be just another internet-inspired clone, doing things someone else preaches. I even had the idea of making a course of my own but then i realized that there are tons of courses out there, made by people that are possibly smarter than me, and i would again be just another clone with a different graph and motto. What makes one special is not what others preach, but the unique things one can offer the world that no one else had the idea to. I think creativity, not competition is the best way to self-actualize. If all we did was compete and not create, we'd still be at monke level living in caves.
And you find that out when you find out what was the small thing that you genuinely wanted to do without anybody nagging you to or you trying to defend your masculinity by doing. And the options are vast. There is no gender-specific hobbies and interests in self-actualization. Many (if not most) big brands for women products were also started by men. Find that thing you can generate inspiration for internally and do that. It will outlast any externally-inspired activities.
at 13:32 the "ultra masculine character" didnt look masculine to me at all. the shirt, hair, and sunglasses just dont cut it. yes hes trained, but thats about it.
See when I a kid I was in therapy and I didn’t want to do it and I hated it and I wouldn’t share anything to her then one day I just snapped at my mom and I told her I didn’t want to do it anymore
I don’t speak for other men, but I speak for myself. I have never been an emotional person, and I’ve tended to rationalize things logically inside my head rather than talking to others about my problems. Contrary to what most people say about this coping mechanism, it has allowed me to find my flaws and obtain inner peace throughout my life. I’ve found that no one cares more about me than myself, and putting that self care into action has allowed me to push myself to be the best possible version of myself.
I feel the same. Im not very emotional. I recently noticed that there are actually people that care for me, so I’m a little worried that I’m not really good at caring or having feelings for other people🫣
I think I'm the same when I'm talking to people I only talk about the small problems which I don't need advice on because I already worked them out in my head I only mentioned these things just to force myself to make conversation I don't ever talk about my biggest problems because I can never think of them on the spot but that's probably because I am not good at expressing myself anyway my emotions mainly consist of mood changes and being down
I’d say talk therapy in men, when done properly, leads to self-improvement. My psychologist never called it self-improvement, but any time I talked about working out again and keeping up with my education he made sure to tell me he thinks that’s a really good idea. Haven’t seen him in nearly 2 years. Very good man. The fact I’m not seeing him, and the fact I feel better mentally than I ever have back up my statements.
@@nicholast6150 yeah you gotta go in to therapy with the mindset that you’re going to figure out why you’re feeling however you do, and then come up with ways to fix it. Also just working out and getting your life together helps a ton with how you feel. Basically you can’t just sit there and vent aimlessly or dwell on stuff. That’s how you go for years and make zero progress.
I find that philosophy has been the greatest form of self-improvement. Jung has been a key figure in my life. Dream Journaling, active imagination, shadow work, I've just started doing these recently and they've had a greater impact than years of other motivational videos and dudes yelling at me to never quit. Realize your faults, understand your dark side, and listen to what your unconscious is telling you.
I have found that Stoicism is an awesome philosophy for everyday living and also for self-improvement, but not on the shallow side, actually being a better human being. But as Marcus Aurelius said, "waste no more time discussing what a good men should be, be one"
philosophy is basically the word for self improvement. it is mechanisms and strategies to navigate through life. the journey of wisdom and realization. modern self improvement just tainted this idea with hollistic and materialistic toxins.
I started my self improvement journey when i was 20 almost 4 years ago. Read a book called "3% man" 14 times which changed me to my core. I thought the world was black & white, thinking there's evil and good til my "relationship with my mom strengthen(after divorce)" and my "1st real heartbreak(family friend)". I saw everything differently and it got me very humbled, I was very cocky and a dick before but now I see that there's a reason to someone's actions. Also i start being more honest to myself and start seeing what I'm feeling. Now I am focusing on improving my hobbies and passion. Also finding new things to explore.
@@shamzz5697 well what i do to combat loneliness, is go out and simply say "hi' to strangers and if you feel comfortable expand to simple questions such as "how's it been?" Also find something they're interested about, like they're hat or brand of clothes. People LOVES talking about themselves. Also if you remember people's names(like employees), it makes them feel special. Another is go find a class, club or a place that you're passionate about. There it's very easy to make friends. Self hate? Idk how i combat it, but in my case i look into myself "why" i feel like it. To me it's because of how I would be belittled for messing up, i tell subconscious that it's ok to mess up.
@@martinisawe6300 bro first of all I wanna say thank you so much for replying, your input has really gave me another pov on things. That self hate paragraph really hit me, I’d always get hate for messing up. So subconsciously I try to be perfect even tho I know humans make mistakes.
Tbh,this might be the result of "toxic masculinity" this term I view it as men who despise men who are physically&mentally&spiritually more vulenerable than them. Those as Andrew tate fan base,this causes ego issues. Those who fall to addictions hurting&abandoning their relatives.
Yeah I don’t want to become a dad that isn’t vulnerable with his kids. That’ll mess them up and make them robots unable to feel because dad couldn’t show them h
Completely agree, I went from doing self improvement and believing it was the only way I could ever be happy, to learning that I can love myself for who I am and what I enjoy doing, finding my own purpose within myself and within God has helped me to adapt and grow more than being a nofap, cold shower taking gym rat. Now I can finally enjoy life again. And to be honest I do enjoy working out and eating healthy and cold showers. But now I've learned to climb out of my thinking that self improvement is the ONLY way, when it's not the ONLY way. It really can help, but if there are other things make you individually happy why stop those things.
A huge problem in the west is this constant narrative of telling people that the only way to be happy is to be financially rich, which makes you unappreciative of the things you already have and you forget the small, good things in life. Everyone should set goals and work towards them, but your happiness shouldnt revolve around that end goal. Life is really short and death can come at any second. Nothing external will be able to fix an internal battle.
@Iliamo That obsession with money and social status is also one of my biggest gripes with most self-improvement "gurus" and communities out there. Most lose the point and don't focus in what really matters IMO: discipline and learning to understand and get most of yourself.
I feel like self-improvement for us guys is a subconscious way of ourselves saying, "If I can't be useful to myself, then how can I be useful to others".
A lot of issues men face are fixed with action: someone bullying you? Learn self defense. Problems with communicating? Take a speech class. I think the only issue is when yhe problem is not fixed with the self improvement: ie you go to the gym more but your issues are psychological with your family.
So nuanced! We love to see it. I especially resonated with your no-fap example: you start a self-improvement project with innocent intentions, but then you fall down the cultural rabbithole of that community, and when you slip up according to the community's standards, it wrecks your self esteem. I'm a woman in my early 30s, and this was definitely my experience in my early-mid 20s - particularly with fitness. I was in a relatively okay place mentally when I started my fitness journey, but spending a couple years submerged in that community (both online and in-person) absolutely ruined my mental health. I'm currently on year 3 of therapy, working on putting my life back together. Right now I'm working on healing my relationship with working out. It's a very complicated thing, because I still really enjoy the physical activities I do, but I need to be soooooo careful about doing them in community spaces. I've been training at home for several years. I have my first class since well before the pandemic scheduled this week - wish me luck! 😬
I may have a differing mindset but I’d rather use ignoring as therapy. Ignore those who don’t care and then feel a sudden weight drop off your shoulders. I’d also try getting better than they are, physically but mentally too. Prove yourself and leave those who are toxic behind.
