The Stages a Narcissist Goes Through When You Leave Him 

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And soon as you go back. The abuse get worst! Don't go back!!!

The audacity that THEY feel betrayed. What a f-ing joke. 😂

DON'T YOU NEVER, EVER, EVER GO BACK!!!!!! YOU GET OUT, YOU STAY OUT!!!!!!!

"Hoover does not mean care but its about control"👌

I'm in the "act like nothing happened hoovers." He will never change. Moving on and enjoying my life. Don't let toxic people steal your energy. ❤️🙏🏻

Week 3 of the silent treatment. It hurt at first but now I'm just mad, who does he think he is to treat me this way! So he drops a bomb that he hasn't wanted to be together for 17 of the 22 years. 22years! HE has sacrificed his happiness. OMG. He spent all the money I had when we met, sold all the properties I bought, ran me into bancruptcy. My 2 older kids were shunned and my son actually took his own life 11 yrs ago. He is slowly turning our 2 boys against me. Then he goes silent. So I went silent too. He thinks I'm going to apologize to him for what HE said. Not gonna happen. I'm done. Good luck loser. I rather live under a bridge in a box than one more day with this evil, hollow, man child.😢 just pray for me! God will make a way❤

I didn't think my wife would leave either. When I learned what narcissism was, and that I had strong narcissistic traits, I slowly had to accept that I had been a toxic husband. I'm not diagnosed, nor do I qualify for a diagnosis, but you don't have to have NPD to be a narcissist. Don't want to remain one though. Focusing on healing.

Omg that’s so crazy.. even the first thing you’ve mentioned. He said I betrayed him by abandoning him ( breaking up with him) and that’s why he hates me. But I was like dude.. you literally openly treated my like crap , you “hated” me before I left you.

It's mind-blowing to discover that someone can think like this!! They are so dangerous to innocent people !!

Left mine 30 days ago with just the clothes on my back, after 18 yrs,stress of abuse got down to 94 lbs.had to walk out while I could still walk

I JUST LEFT MY EX. NARC DAY 4 NO CONTACT!! And I feel good about my decision..

"Why are you leaving, you'll never find anyone better." LOL!!!! Narcissists set the bar so low with how they treat their wives/girlfriends, that literally anyone their (now) ex dates would have no choice but to be an improvement. And probably, a huge improvement too.

I'm in the blocked stage because he got a new supply 😅 I'm glad he blocked me because I feel like I would have gave him another chance. God's protection in rejection!!

You are 100% correct he accused me of cheating which I never did and discovered he was the one cheating the whole time. I'm glad and sad its all over for good. He use to drain me emotionally dealing with him. all the cycles were to much.

"They don't get it". Pretty much sums up their whole personality.

I'm on the " new supply stage" 😂 since he can't deal with what he has done he's trying to fill that void.. but at the end of the day he will STILL be empty inside..

Narcs are so mean and they enjoy seeing you suffer. I went no contact over a year ago now and it was very hard. I divorced him. The narc did exactly what this video outlines to a T. It’s been six months now with no attempts from him or his flying monkeys. I blocked them all and for awhile I’d get mean messages from other unknown numbers calling me a whore, a gold digger, a piece of sheet… And he’s the one who cheated on me several times. I loved him and was devastated. Narcs will never stop needing an insane amount of attention. Narcs are so hungry and thirsty that it’s actually scary. Bye bye narcie.

This brings me back memories of multiple traumatic events. 😢 Leaving a narcissist is not even enough to make the narcissist change. Their tears dry up quickly and they forget about you as if you were nothing but a ragdoll.

I'm up to 137 days of no contact Ben. I'm sure he doesn't even notice that I'm gone or even cares at all. Mine is heartless and cold as hell. I have never felt better since I left him and his main supply long behind. The last time we spoke he said through a nasty email... stay out of my life... like a spoiled little brat. So I know he hates me to much, to want to come back to me. He knows I'm not a fun toy to play with anymore. I guess turning the tables, standing up for yourself, speaking the truth to someone will make them hate you for it. My therapist says I'm like a big mirror, reflecting back the truth to him is why he hates me so much..

I left the Narc 6 years ago and he went through all those stages….. pissed him off so much that he couldn’t get to me. He even married his new supply….lol….didn’t last long. She left him too!

Discarded my ex 3 and half years ago was the smartest wisest decision i'v ever made in my entire life 🙌🙏

Oh the flying monkeys. I told them that the separation was none of their business and it was inappropriate for them to be involved then quit answering their calls.

9+ months of no contact. Blocked her everywhere. No hovering; nothing. Just space and silence.

They control everything they can including telling you not to be saying anything about anything that goes on in our home. 🛑

I'm in the exhausting hoovering stage after I left him 3 years ago. I went back once after 2 years of hoovering. Don't do this, the contempt oozed from his every pore. He would stare me down the way he used to when he bullied me, would physically push me with his body into a corner then bash my head into the wall repeatedly. He's given me so many concussions I suffer from migraines and seizures. I escaped when he went out 1 night. I chose to live in a homeless shelter rather than allow him to take my life. They actually feel entitled to decided if you live or die. They don't care if you're a mother or about your kids..I remained no contact for 6 months while he hunted me like an animal. It's exhausting, so I thought if I spoke to him that I'd at least know his whereabouts and could have more peace in my life. I'm tired always looking over my shoulder and having him ambush me. They are relentless. My part in this is breaking no contact. I was obsessed with a diagnosis, but hear Richard Gannon say. The diagnosis doesn't matter, do they fit the criteria and are they harmful to you? If yes, then that's all that matters. After he physically injured me, he denied it everytime. A part of me always just wanted him to acknowledge how he'd hurt me. Well, forget them ever taking responsibility. It just is not ever going to happen. I'll never get a sincere apology or my feelings validated or an answer why. Don't go back to anyone considering it. You may not escape a second time.

This has been my #1 question. They seem absolutely clueless to why would anyone leave them, it’s bizarre. He said I didn’t want him anymore, THATS why I dumped him.

"Hoover does not mean care". Thank you. I really needed this to sink in!!

Ex narc actually accused me of "cheating" in our marriage to his divorce lawyer... All while sitting there with his new "girlfriend" he hooked up with only DAYS after I filed for divorce!!! SMFH!!! 😕😂

Ex-husband kicked me out of the house for another woman giving me 6 week's notice. A few days before I was to leave, he asked me to stay (things didn't work out with the new supply). I said no and moved 1,000 miles away. So in his mind, who discarded who? He tried to be friends with me, but once our business/financial issues were resolved I blocked him. In my mind, he discarded me and I refused a hoover.

This is so weird… my husband discarded me but EVERY THING he is saying in this video is exactly what he did to me. He thought I would chase him but he actually did me a favor by leaving.

It took me having a massive heart attack to realize I can't take his abuse anymore. 4 years of my life wasted. Thankfully we never lived together. He didn't even visit me in the hospital when I had my heart attack. Then weeks later told me I needed to start bringing in an income. I hadn't even been cleared by my doctor for work, and was still very weak. He didn't even pay for anything at my house, so why was this his concern? He complained about money but blew 600 dollars at a casino. Its painful, but im relieved to not be so stressed and anxious about jumping through all his hoops and still getting raged at for no reason. I just can't imagined that anyone else would endure his crap. So good luck to him...

Not one person that we knew will come anywhere near me. I was kind to these people for near on a decade, his family, our so called friends but ofcourse they will tell a different story. As hard as it is to realise the mindset of the narcissist, its even harder to accept that people who seemed like 'normal' compassionate people would as good as leave you for dead to save themselves. Its a painful lesson to learn about people in general.

I left him , he was gaslighting and lies constantly, texts bs and calls and hangs up , i had to block his accounts

I had to stop and think what is it that I need to straighten out inside me that has me tolerating this crap, forget about him, why do I let it happen. I realize that I have work to do on my post trauma before he showed up, he’s just a predator that detected an injured prey because if I was healthy I’d have no problem walking away from the bullshit cause I know what love is but fact that I let it happen is a concern to me

I’m in the stage where he came back after a 2 year break up and now not even a year back together the cheating has continued. It’s a cycle

This is theeeeeee most accurate description of what I experienced with the narc! I’m defs saving this video 👌🔥 I’m 6 years post divorce and I STILL struggle with validation, and getting people to understand what I went through and how evil it was and why it changed me into a completely different person! It’s so hard to explain, it kinda makes me feel crazy 😭😭 But I really appreciate this video! Thank you ❤️

After 14yrs one son I left my narcissist 16 days ago after seeing in his phone at least 7 different women that he is in a relationship with including his ex girlfriend that he has 2 children with and swore that he was just co parenting with. Im struggling this is so hard so painful I feel like I'm going through withdrawal 😢 these videos are helping so thank you!

The abuse escalates, hope to help others identify narcissists and save themselves from the endless abuse, exploitation and torture.

I'm in the discard stage. I was told he HAD to go to the new supply b/C I treat him so terribly. After realizing that he is a narcissist I believe it's best I was discarded, but it still stings knowing I meant nothing.

You can’t beat a narcissist, I have tried but you can’t. Their a waste of time. I had my run in with one & stayed 4yrs. I was dumb & I put myself in that situation. My fault for staying, he was just doing what he does & I allowed it by staying. So if anyone is reading this. If anyone is dealing with a narcissist & you continue to stay & allow them to run you crazy. It’s your own fault, a heart heals in time & the longer you stay away remember that. Stop being their toy & hope they meet someone who is exactly like them.

Currently being exposed to the smearing stage. Day 3 of no contact.

I’m done with fruitless, toxic relationships. I’m done with allowing him to Hoover me. Even if he’s my ex but we’re “just friends”. I can’t even be friends with him, even tho I love and care about him. I’m don’t wasting my energy. He’s blocked now. Along with other narcissistic guys I’ve dated: all blocked. Only talk to my ex husband who I share a kid with through fb messenger and we barely talk.. super businesslike and to the point on my end. This is the point I’ve finally reached at 35 years old. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. I’m just done wasting my energy, focus, love, time and mental capacity and on selfish takers, users and abusers. I’m too damn old for it haha And I have a lot more important things to work on and put my energy into in my life.

He's currently acting like a victim and begging me to come back. Sending me pictures of empty liquor bottles and ash trays full of cigarette butts (because he knows I hate when he uses those substances excessively). He told me yesterday that he went to the ER for an ulcer (to make me feel bad for him), then said he was going to the bar to drink immediately after. He told me he started up his dating apps again and added a bunch of new females on Instagram (I'm assuming to make me feel hurt and jealous). He's such a child. I pray that he gets help.

I cut contact from him. So I can get my power back. So he doesn’t know my next move.

The “gaslighting themselves” concept is so accurate and it is something not all the experts are talking about. That and everything else in this video is so well explained . Thank You

Wow. So true. He says I’m everything is my fault. And he plays the victim and says it’s my fault that he in the position he in being homeless and he doesn’t see it was all his fault by cheating and him leaving his family first.

I always see the hoover stage as their performance. Their act...its never authentic, just a ploy to not only reel you back in but to perform and win other potential supplies. I noticed these maneuvers also happen in public to semi-public areas and its kinda like a peacock dance. When its starts I ghost quickly or vanish in a crowd.

The smear campaign with family and in our whole community has been so incredibly painful. So, part of no contact has been leaving the community altogether and hermiting in my new home to heal. It’s been just over a year and I’m just now starting to think about finding and getting involved in a new community for myself. Just starting to think about it - not doing it yet. Still healing from the psychological damage, not quite there yet. I still can’t trust fully. But I’ve come a long way, and feeling more empowered and healthy all the time. Thank you for these videos. To any self-aware narcissists here, I am impressed by your willingness to be on a healing path yourselves. Long road for us all, but worth it.

Stay silent, keep away, you loved them... they don't even like you, this is what IT told me!

Love your statement; 'Hover does not mean 'care'.'. 'Hover is Control' Very important to realize these truths.😮

I’m in “no contact” but now I’m getting random phone calls. I downloaded an app on my phone to where the notifications get automatically forwarded. 💪🏽 all good.

Accurate information. I barely survived having a relationship with a narcissist. Never again. I can spot that love bombing now a mile away and it makes me want to be physically ill when I see it.

I’ve been through this with 4 guys since 16 and I’m 32 now. My absent father and single working mom really left me as pray for these insecure energy vampires. I never forgave my dad (he was murdered) for this either. Just dumped this last bf who I thought was the one, but I caught him ignoring me and adding an ex (who has a bf) on fb. I don’t understand why some people feel the need to be “parented” by their partner, it’s sick and not fair. I’m an only child and basically raised myself so no, I’m not going to coddle some dude in how to behave correctly. That’s not love it’s enabling. As a woman I only want to entertain a man please, not a project.

You've proven that your narcissist shouldn't be trusted under any circumstances.

In mirroring/Hoover stage. I left him but came back. The nastiness still peaks out occasionally bc he just can’t help it, but overall he’s being very good. I’m still divorcing him. I’ve been here before and know what is coming. Nothing is worth abuse.

It's the arrested development for me when they're in denial about the ish they put you through meanwhile they've cheated the entire one sided situationshit and expect you to stick around...yes their delusional for sure!!! Trust everyone will see them for the toxic shits they truly are...

They get very angry cuz they gotta seek another sucker to groom manipulate they r evil sneaky cunning to the bone NEVER EVER GO BACK LESSON LEARNED MOVE ON 💜🙏

Mentally and emotionally left the narc 3 years ago next month 7.17.20 🎉🎉🎉🎉 legally done as of 2.4.21 ❤❤ I now live a beautiful peaceful life

106 days NC. He’s blocked and deleted. Tried a hoover just over a week ago by sending me a friend request via Snapchat. I don’t even have a Snapchat account. I ignored it. No contact I remain forever. He disrespected me totally after emotionally and financially abusing me. The least he deserved was for me to blindside him by one day just removing myself from the toxic situation I’d found myself in. I totally lost myself in the manipulation, lies and deceit. I didn’t know him. I just knew the man who wore the mask (not the man behind the mask) who love bombed me by mirroring me. Essentially you initially fall in love with yourself not the narc.

Just told my husband tonight that I want him to leave. I’m so done.

The hoovering & begging is the worst part. Don't let them back. It will only get worse

I was married 15 years to a Narcissist and didn't know about NPD.. The entire marriage was so confusing until the 2020- 2021 wnen he was clearly cheating, lying and being cocky, and saddistic. He finally admitted he was in love with another woman on our15th anniversary. By then, I was so crushed I couldnt eat or breathe. I immediately got a lawyer, filed for divorce and left him and everything behind to fly 3000 miles away. Within a few weeks he was plastering Facebook with himself and his new supply in posed, color-cordinated photos. He told our confused friends that I wanted to leave! Then he married his affair partner and continues to post his new "exciting" life on Facebook.(Friends have told me) I blocked him as soon as I could after I left and have been no contact for about 2 years. It's indescribable what that toxic relationship did to me emotionally and physucally. The cavalier narcissist just moves on with a new person, repeating what he does without a care for anyone's feelings.

My ex called the police on me after I changed the locks and acted like such a victim that they locked me in a room for three hours while he stole all my valuables. Three months later after no contact, he sets a fire in my backyard and tried to burn down my house. Be careful! If I were to do it again, I wouldn’t have told him exactly what I thought of him when I broke up with him.

He is currently in shock/angry, still trying to manipulate the situation. This is the second run as I was hoovered last time and he did all of the things you said. I thought that it would change but he has actually gotten worse. No remorse and completely in victim mode.

I'm soooooooo glad you mentioned "hoover does NOT mean care" that is SO IMPORTANT!!!!! That is so important because for years, yes years that was my assumption. It was wrong. I assumed hoover meant care, UNTIL that hoover trapped me in and used against me in a very manipulative way. I was blackmailed. I always thought hoover meant care, no it certainly does not mean care. When you deal with someone so messed up, they don't think logical, they can try to rope you back in just to plow you down in their tracks and laugh in your face, or to have the last say/situation. They want the ability to trample all over you. I've been there, I've been trampled on. Yes they are that evil

I left my ex first a week ago. He ended up in jail got charged with domestic violence

Everything you say is how it is , so confusing to understand, but it’s just how they are , the narc will not change to a better person no Matter what and to save yourself just leave them

They apply whichever part of the cycle fits at that particular moment because we get the upper hand. Its almost amusing to watch, but they can akso turn insidious in their revenge. 🍒

I’m in all stages, but I’m a warrior been through this all my life. No more . No more, love yourself, know your worth is how you keep going. Keep the ones around only that support you positive. Self love yourself, figure yourself out alone with god almighty 🙏💝🌹

It was painful but im so grateful for the strength I never knew I had

Stalking.. that’s what’s happening here now.

Hoover is control, not care. Thank you

Thanks for this video. It is helpful. Im having difficulty at 66, recovering myself and my life after recently leaving my X fiance narc.

I hope leaving my ex husband caused him HELL! He certainly put me through hell

I am in the stage that I dumped him 14 years ago went no contact the entire time and he has intermittently tried to Hoover me, with ZERO success.

Yup. What I experience all the time. TIME TO GET OUT FOR GOOD. Please pray for me, for courage and strength to do it in spite of the trauma bond.

Mine left me after 20+ years pregnant with our 8th child. He got with an addict then after getting addicted to drugs and missing his family for the millionth time and wanting to come home I said no. This man had the audacity to say I left HIM when he needed me most! Then proceeded to break out my car windows and say I was bitter....smh...

Exactly and found out over my 44 years of life that they have secret friends who are exactly the same.

20 yrs with a gay narcissist when I left he attacked with vengeance. Asked him, "why he wouldn't just let me go, I was a good wife etc. He said, "you abandoned me" WHAT? Crazy..I never told anyone why I was divorcing, having two boys 12 and 16 it was for them. Was the talk of the town how could I leave such an amazing man..As a Christian it was not my sin to expose. He turned everyone against me, kids. Family, church, friends he took everything. Healed then marred again 20 yrs. now and living a physically absent marriage that started after we married. I'm like a magnate...both seemed to be grate guys, yet their hidden secrets have caused me so much pain. Feeling to old to leave, just don't have the fight in me & thinking of those I would hurt if I left..my beautiful grand kids... My strength comes from my heavenly Father, and one day he will wipe away all my tears. He is my husband the one that will never abandon me. In my weakness he is made strong. I should write a book 😆 🤣 😢 only if it helped someone...

I left my narcissistic wife after 23 years of putting up with everything hoping she would eventually change. Not sure what stage I am or she is, but let me tell you that I probably unleashed WW3 but is way too early to make an assessment. I know i will start fighting battles but my goal is to win the war and go back to my usual self, before this horrific story. Really liked your video, you are telling my life story. Thank you!

I genuinely had a big smile in my face at the end of this video, just knowing the narcissist was begging me to come back for weeks, almost crawling, cuz I know he wanted to discard me later, like his revenge, cuz I left first😂 Idk if this is my narcissist trait but made me laugh a lot, maybe kinda happy I don't hate him and I don't wish him bad even after all the hell he put me through, but reversed position is funny tho 😆

2 years later and he still turns up to places I go to thinking I'm going to talk to him. NOT!

I essentially left months ago (3 months to be exact, and really pulled back 2 months ago) and finally Wednesday made up my mind I was done after nearly a year of bullshit. Finally sent the last message bc I refuse to ghost 👻. Said my piece. Blocked him on everything. Removed his contact months ago …. I know his number though lol by heart but …. I blocked his number too. So I can actually heal and move the hell on with my life.

OMGGGGG!!!!!!!! Every word, every single word out of your mouth absolutely true. I ignored the flying monkeys so he sent me an email "reminding" me that he owns me, every part of me. 😢 Madness!!!

My ex said I was lucky his friends didn't off me. Apparently they "offered" to do it but he so kindly said no.

This will be the only video ever, other than short funny clips, that I watched twice AND that l emailed to myself.

The stage I am in right now is I’ve blocked him on everything. He was completely silent and emotionless during the breakup. I wish I had more answers but I’ve come to the conclusion I’ll never get them and need to work on being a happier and better person. Still love the person I thought he was…he seemed very gentle, kind and supportive. But he’s a liar, and a very good one.

Currently in no contact - successfully for 5 months. There has been some mild hoovering attempts this time, but I went back after 3 catastrophic implosions of our "situationship" over the past 14 years. But really I first dated him 30 years ago - had other relationships from age 19 to 33 - then we reconnected. What a mistake, my biggest regret. This time my eyes are finally fully open, and I finally understand what has been going on. I will never return. I will never respond. I am holding fast, attending therapy and working on myself to be the kind of strong, self-loving, boundaried person a narc would avoid.

Going on 9 months no contact. I did get a hoover on our anniversary date of meeting. I was with narc almost 3 years, it was really good first year. Then it started to feel like taken for granted. I saw some red flags and felt they were loosing interest and may have met someone else. We did have a long distance relationship. A cople hours away, basically I broke up first thinking something was very wrong. They wanted to meet up and talk things out. Having empathy I agreed. Well they texted the next day and then they broke up with me and blocked me. They had to be the one to break up with me. Real piece of work..That did it for me, then got educated on narcissist and put in gods hands. Never again for me...Its been tough love and painful, still healing but its better than being manipulated and lied too, thats the abusive part and the sneaky behavior and immature behavior and cowardly. They cant stand to own up to their mistakes. I really felt bad for them like something evil was controlling them. But, I had to choose myself or else go down with them.

I guess they follow you when you don’t want them.

I have already been through all that you spoke of.....the slander continues ... .but I am doing well!!!! Narc husband died. This is coming from the Malignant X Mother in Law. She is 91 yrs OLD and feels entitled to have me take the deceased husband's place...her son..take care of her. She discarded me...issued insults and character assination, and then tried to pull me back in no contact X 1yr. Sold my home and land close to her and his family and moved away. No Contact with any of the Narc Cult Family ....healing with help from you and professionals. It's a no Win situation! Run as fast as you can!! Be Safe.....they are dangerious, milicious, and vindictive............RUN!!

💯 “How dare you leave me?” Stage. Completely isolated from any previous “friends” or acquaintances who could provide information. Just flying monkeys popping up. No info, complete silence treatment from everyone. And, gaslighting. Crazy making.

Correct on all accounts! “I never thought you’d really leave…😢” after HE broke off the relationship twice before. And I foolishly went back both times. 😣 This time I left - for good. Now the smear campaign. The things he has said about me are so distorted and untrue. Took getting a PPO to get him to leave me alone. He requested a hearing to get it revoked - but the judge determined it should stay in place! 🎉I think he got the message this time. He can say whatever he wants to. I no longer care.

Changed my number 4 days ago and couldn’t feel more free !!

Damn!! This is exactly what is happening in my life.

It is good that she has humbled you and teached a lesson.

There’s no way he can say he was cheated on when he made sure all saw him with many women with no shame!

Yes he said how could you leave me when I needed you. He said I was cheating !! But there was a new supply as soon as I moved out.

I called him out the other day after going MIA in another state with another woman for 7 days. He grabbed me by the throat & I saw his true demon. I'm about to press charges & request a tro. I'm hurting so bad