What Happens When a Narcissist Knows You Figured Them Out? 

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My ex husband’s first wife took her own life. Now I know why. I left after 8 years. I had family to help me but the first wife didn’t. Living with a narc is horrible. Thanks for your videos.

Or they will start accusing you of what they're doing!

When you call them a narcissist they flip it and call you a narcissist 😂

Living with a narc is your worse night mare

Stop focusing on narcissists and start LEAVING- FREE yourself - there is life and love beyond these losers and their bullshit

Be aware of their accusations, its a unconscious confession of THEIR doings

I left my ex narcissist bf after I had figured out what he was! I BLOCKED him and went NO CONTACT! It's been 7 months now. I am happy and healthy in a normal relationship!

And they HATE... ABSOLUTELY HATE anyone who isn't afraid to physically engage with them

Mine said he was only extremely selfish. He did not take his unbelievable cruelty into account, his manipulations or hypocrisy. He rejects affection and sees kindness as weakness. He viciously gossips about everyone in his circle. Yet, he really believes he has integrity. It's mindboggling.

I don’t know why but something is so off about those narcs and their looks, they look like an empty vessel.

They will always have an emotional affair! No ones ever enough

Man, I can't really hear all these excuses. My childhood may be harder then some narcissistic people. And I came out a empath

Staying silent keeps them from realizing what you know.

THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY ITS SAD 😔

They attack you at every chance

What I find so incredible is that these patterns and behaviours are so identical with all narcissists. It’s like they have a hand book. How does someone develop this kind of behaviour? I am a victim I’ve recently found out, and everything I hear on this video and others I’ve watched is EXACTLY what I’ve been dealing with. Word for word. I just find it weird how this pattern no matter what is so exact. I feel like a fool and am terrified they’ll be back to Hoover me. I’m through with it all so I think I’ll be okay. Totally going no contact.

I nearly took my life 3 times over 22 YEARS. She was really that toxic. What I've realized is nobody is worth taking there life for!!! Period. She's so so so toxic. I'm living my life and I feel so much better.

They start spreading rumours that you are a narcissist to make it sound like your the problem. A propaganda campaign using character assination . Deflecting it onto you, mind games start. Followed by discarding you when a new supply comes along.

Stand your ground. Dont ever give them anything. Always treat them and talk to them like scum of the earth while at the same time ignoring what they say. Thats how to beat a narcissist

Narcissism is a learned behavior,I know a family of generational narcissists,most of them have died all alone, quite fitting I believe .

Very true about cheating. And he doesn’t accept his fault.

They lie like ive never seen before

They do the weirdo stuff even more intense

We just have to stop dating these people and giving them jobs.

In my experience they either destroy you or they disappear 🙄

What so sad is where there is children involve and the narcist try to poison your kids with words lies about you.

Narcissist are just the worst people that exist. You want to feel sorry for such bad behaviors in a single body! But they are so confortable in their situation that is disgusting

Once you know what they are and what they are doing it is game over and they move on. As others have said they all work from the same handbook. Everything they say is a lie. They blame everybody else and take no responsibility. They remember events that never took place but can’t remember those that did. They will use every emotion to get what they want. In their world they are the victim. They live in a world of paranoia and hate. They know exactly what they are doing. Bad people who never change.

When they now that you now they try to destroy you!

After 6 years single recovering from narc abuse, another narc tried his luck. Took me 3 weeks to figure him out; I sent him a text saying I knew what he was and told him to not even look at me if he sees me on the street. He replied “Ok. If that’s what you want to believe” and my last words to him before blocking were “That’s what I know.”

After they learn that we've found out they are narcissists, they get stunned, and after that, they are afraid to even sit beside us. And also, they are angry with us for our deed.

From my experience, they are to arrogant to even comprehend that the other actually Gets It on their games.

if someone can't look me in the eye, they need to go away from me. discernment is our guide...gutt feelings don't lie..🕊

Who would waste their time loving vessels that are used by ghost? NOT ME

They delete messages on their socials and phones.

This guy gets it. The sad fact of the matter is it takes many of us years to really start to piece it together and then usually epiphany comes in some big moment. It was always there but we made excuses.

My Story : Everytime I caught her lying, cheating and even working as a sex worker on sex chat sites she would always turn it around on me saying things like "your crazy" "you're sick in the head" "how could you think these things about me?" Every time like a broken record, even when I had proof, photos of her, phone calls from other men, supposed long distance "cousins" that were actually her ex or current lovers....after 5 years I had enough almost tp the point of drug addiction and suicide....Still healing, over 400 miles away, no contact going on two months now. I Survived by The Grace of God!

OMG that point of confronting a narcissistic person then they turn it on you!! 😮

When I accused him of cheating, other women, etc. Yah he got mad. He started the Darvo technique. I interestingly enough had read up about it a few days before this; so when he started D-denying, then A-attacking, R-reversing, V -ictim, and O- offender, I knew exactly what he was doing. Sp I called him out on that too. I said I know the Darvo technique also. And it shut him down! He disappeared for a few days, only to reappear never mentioning the subject. But yah, he knows I know, but the attachment disorder made him come back around with the same bullshit again.

OMG when you said you can't confront small things with them... Every single thing I brought up become a knock down drag out fight. It was so damned toxic. I'm glad it's over.

Wow! You just described most of my 25 year marriage. Constantly catching him at texting, secret phone, emotional cheating, unexplained time gaps, etc. And, every time he minimized it like it was no big deal. He'd say "it's just a game". Yeah, the narc cycle went full circle. He discarded me for new supply when it was convenient for him. Good riddance!

Well said. My narc literally tried to kill me. He was cheating and wanted rid of me. I currently have RO. Be careful ppl

This is a great video, Ben. Thank you so much. The ex narc saw nothing wrong with his behavior and thought he was perfect with no flaws. When he got called out lying, he tried to blame me for everything. There is and never will be any talking with a narcissist to fix issues. Let them go and we will grow! 💪

Mine left the first time I called out her gaslighting, glad she didn’t come back

This is, and can be very serious with certain type of narcs who come off as sunshine and flowers but are very evil behind closed doors. Pay attention to your animals personality change when there in the room. Pay attention to the food they make for you. Has your property been vandalized ? The list goes on and on, It doesn’t matter how nice you are or giving they can be secretly insanely jealous or mad you and you wouldn’t suspect a thing because YOU DIDNT DOANYTHING WRONG. Get a nanny cam there worth it.

It's true that you need to be very careful of them they are very skilled

I'm a man and my wife is the narcissist, it's taken me 23 and a half years of marriage to work this out. She fell pregnant when she said she was on contraception so we got married, I believe I was tricked and trapped from the start, she knew I'd do the right thing by her. I was a good guy, learnt to hate myself due to her, till I realised what she truly is. I was always hopeful there was good in her, and she was so convincing as she said what I thought I wanted to hear. She cheated at least twice, and I learnt she was hitting on other men before my third child was born, she is now 18. What's more, is the kids hate me and not her. She does as you say, talks to others to make me sound crazy. I found God and she can't handle the truths I now know, including about her. I'm in the process of leaving, the house will be sold. And even now she wants things that are mine that she doesn't even know how to use. I used to want to help her, I just want out and to help myself now. I said I know who she is, and she started calling me a narcissist even though I didn't use the term myself. I warned her friend today, I hope he watches more closely and doesn't fall for the same tricks, but I can see he is already. I will find my old self, I will find happiness, I just need to be rid of her and I'm a long way there. God bless.

My neighbors wife was a malignant narcissist. Treated her husband brutally. She landed up in a home in her older age. After a year she wanted to come back home. The husband picked her up,brought her home,and killed her,Then killed himself. The slow agonizing torture these demon narcissists are!

I married a malignant narc I recently disregarded him kicked him out of my place and went no contact blocked him on everything

You give a good name to narcissism. Everyone "hates a narcissist" but what we actually hate is how it effects us and they don't get help. Great job for working on yourself.

When I finally educated myself after 4 yrs. by watching Drs. Ramani and Carter I was able to leave him. I made the mistake of telling him exactly what he was and why. He never denied it. The anger and attacks escalated every single time I spoke to him. I finally blocked him and just moved on. So much happier now.

God forbid they take accountability for their bad behavior 🤫!!

Denial + disappear is another option. Leaves you feeling bereft ....

I figured him out and didn't candy coat shat with him. He'd never challenge one thing I said. So I knew I was onto something. It's just blatantly obvious. The garbage and verbally abusive tendencies that he'd puke out of his mouth. He stole a year of my life then I gaslighted HIM. Not a peep out of him since. Been 2 weeks. Had some stuff here to pick up. Not one squawk from him. If he knows what's good for him, he will keep as far away from me as possible. Made it clear I'm not confused/questioning him anymore. I have him all figured out. But I also think he had a new supply. So it works for me. Another hostage in his life. Sad sad life.

Mom gave me the silent treatment and discard when I texted her I need time to heal from the abuse. She turned it around to my siblings that I was hurting her by distancing myself.

Narcissists are so demented that they don't know how to be rational and a civil person

I am like a sponge soaking up these videos... I can't believe how much this resonates with me. When you said once the narc becomes "indifferent" to what he's done, "he knows that you know and he doesn't care.. it ramps up even faster" 100%.

It Wasn't Me by Shaggy is every narc's anthem

This is the most God awful truth! The backlash I received over confronting the narcissism head on has been absolute hell for me. She did horrible things to make me hurt because I challenged all of the narcissistic behavior and punched back(not literally) and wouldn't stand for the abuse any longer. She went to a whole new level of abuse as a result and burned our relationship and marriage completely to the ground. When what could have happened, of this person wasn't so completely taken over by narcissism, is to accept the truth in what I was saying, maybe even apologize, and take steps to right the wrongs. But that would be living in a dream world wouldn't it? NPD is a horrible sickness and it effects many more than just the people who have it.

My husband is now twisting his words. Like instead of saying, 'Maybe you should...', he now says, 'Can I make an observation....'. He's still trying to tell me what to do, but choosing his words carefully so it doesn't sound like he's controlling me. I caught onto that REAL QUICK. I PROVED him WRONG, and he hasn't said anything about it. THAT'S how I figured out he's trying to spin it so that I don't know what he's doing. Thanks to these videos, I'm one step ahead of him because I can spot his word salad.

That’s what happened to me! When I discovered his emotional affair and I ended our engagement, he just said, “Okay.” I sent him a long email explaining why (he probably didn’t even read it), and that’s all he could say to me. 😩 Since then he has hoovered me off and on, even yesterday. I ignored his email (blocked!). He must care now - too late! 😝

I have a narc co worker. Super uncomfortable. She doesn't know I know but I see her. I'll be perfectly cool with new people that come in and then as soon as she talks with them they glare at me and follow me like I've done something? It didn't take me long to figure it out. I've seen her take things from work and said I should grab something I said no I don't need it. Low and behold I get accused of stealing in a round a bout way for months. It's insane. One day I said something like "I better put this back before I'm accused of stealing it" and looked at her. She went completely pale. Quiet for the rest of the day. So so satisfying. Can't wait to get away from this miserable witch.

I went through the exact situation you described. And if I knew this then, I wouldn't have confronted him. I should have just left and let him wonder instead of the hours, the years of trauma and abuse.

When I confronted my ex's mother about her behavior, immediate tears. It's a distraction to confuse you, to make you forget what they just did. Then the conversation is you comforting them. They are trained con artists.

You nailed it! I went through all of this. Finally escaped. It definitely was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I lost almost everything. All I had was clothes and my tools. No car. No money. Thank goodness for my Union brothers and sisters! Wouldn’t have made it without them.

They went to HR when I kept my distance and lied, saying I bullied them.

Be careful people!! ❤❤❤

My narcissist husband saw my youtube history of all the videos I'd been watching about what narcissists are and how to identify their behaviour. He used that to learn the "language" and manipulate and gaslight me and flip it so that I was the narcissist. I knew I wasn't, so it didn't work. By that stage I was already in grey-rock mode so it just bounced off me. He then used that to label me as a psychopath because I was emotionless and not reacting to his abuse 😂 So glad I got out and away from him. It did indeed escalate VERY quickly and violently/aggressively once he knew I was on to him. I very much hope one day he realises that he has the problem.

They gaslight and discard.

Yeah.....they come back and physically hurt you

They dig up some past perceived slight and dwell on it, harp on it, ruminate about it until they can use it to begin punishing you for it. Your only option is to go no contact. Take no more punishment from these self-appointed disciplinarians.

I never called my ex a narcissist to his face. I figured out based upon his behavior that he was one after the fact..... he ignored me nonstop... and when I discovered he cheated that was after he was already threatening to leave me. It makes sense now.

I can relate to experiencing the last 90% of your video. Although he never did get violent, he would occasionally make me seriously wonder it he wasn't plotting my death as he would clinch his fist and raise his arms and growl. Or give me that blank stare and later get that ever so slight and brief smirk of satisfaction on his face when he won at his reactive abuse. Towards the end, I wouldn't leave anything I was drinking around him as I'm I'm not into poison. I did keep my bedroom door locked as I don't care about the idea of pillow suficaion either. But then again, my thinking to him was if you're ballsy enough to take me out, then you're joining me. I may have had weak boundaries at that time in my life, but that didn't mean that I didn't have my limits and they were only going to be crossed a limited number of times. He's gone now ( moved out) for almost 3 years now, no contract from either party. Funny thing was when I once asked him why he said he was " in love with me his reply," you're independent, and you don't take crap off people. Apparently, he thought he was an exception to that standard. So much for his attitude of entitlement, unaccountable, and superiority. This woman ( me) raised myself from a young age with no help. That makes anyone toughen up quick. I may have been a victim as a child, but I chose long ago not to stay a victim as an adult.

When I looked at my husbands once - about 3 years ago- & found a photograph of a woman in the bath tub, and showed it to him…he said “she’s just stupid” !!!???!!! So he blamed HER for it..needless to say I’m finally divorcing him: liar, empty, abusive, demon

My husband is a narcissist and I am not calling it out - he is now playing the victim and stopped eating....I'm asking him to leave my house and he won't. I had the house for 20 years before he moved in and he won't leave and he continues to emotionally abuse me every day. He says sorry one day, then the games keep going the next day.

He normally gets angry when I bring it up in the midst of him being narcissistic. I bring it up sometimes, but he'll change his behavior for a while and then have outbursts, seemingly, at random. But I started tracing the outbursts and found out they are on a cycle and happen once a month. I decided to confront him, carefully, while he was in the love-bombing stage (his version of love-bombing is displaying the things I need from him). He actually considered it after I presented one of your videos to him (the one were victims often develop anxiety LITERALLY described my condition to a T!) and because we've been dealing with my irregular heart palpitations every time we end up in a nasty argument, he was unable to 100% deny it. He was upset, but I think it slightly opened his eyes. He's still in denial though. But it was just a moment where he at least considered it OUT LOUD.

I called my ex a narcissist and he told me “Narcissists and sociopaths aren’t known for their apologies. I apologized to you a few times already.” He did, but they were empty meaningless generic blanket apologies like “I’m sorry for everything” and “I’m sorry for hurting you.” There was no accountability or remorse. I’m convinced since he knew the terminology, someone he dated before me must have called him one too. I believe he was trying to save face and throw me off by making me second guess myself. I wouldn’t budge and shortly got discarded right after and he blocked me everywhere. He knows I know and I’m now a threat. I found out about the cheating because he gave me multiple STDs. He has no one to blame but himself. He was very reckless. Ben, if you see this comment, do you agree? Does it sound to you like someone he dated before me also called him one?

Yep! This is pin point. It’s very draining.

Just learned about DARVO - scary how true it rings with our situation

Go with your gut!

You forgot they damage your property. The ones I have known always do this. Sometimes I find out later after the relationship has ended.

Be ready for them to also do and say anything and everything to discredit you to your kids, family (both theirs and yours), or friends. All of a sudden these people may start believing bad things about you that never happened or that the narc actually did to you. You may start hearing how they've been saying you are a drunk, how you cheated on them, how "crazy" and unstable you are. Its heartbreaking because things you shared in confidence with the narc may now get weaponized against you all just so they can preserve their fragile self image.

Yup, I got called the narcissist when I had to google what the heck I was going through and confronted her... pointless.. they will deny deny deny...then call you the narcissist with literally no evidence to their accusation.... Literally no accountability for their actions whatsoever.. the more I reminisce the more I realise how much she NEEDED to look perfect in everyones eyes... conversations were always about how good she was at X,Y and Z... who complimented her that day/hour/week... how no other woman does what she does, how any man would bow down at her for what she does... I just kept silent... sometimes people like that you just let them talk so they can feel good about themselves...absolute arrogance and the way she treated hospitality staff in some places was horrendous..restaurant staff, concierge staff, housekeeping staff.. I'd witnessed it all but just put it down to "a bad day"... god there's so much I have witnessed and can talk about... thanks again Ben for this platform.. Ben, is OCD something normal with Narcissists? She definitely has OCD but then I see it as another sub section of control aspect of the disorder?

My ex called me a narcissist. Told me her therapist said i was one. That our relationship was the worst shes ever seen. My teenager said i am patient and loving towards her. Yes, we fought. Once she figured out what buttons to push she could deny me love and hurt me until i reacted. Then the reaction was the only thing that was focused on. Basically everything ended up being about her. Although some of it did seem like i was a narcissist. She was secretive. She would apologize and promise to do better when i left her. It would last a week or two and then it went right back to old ways. She separated me from her friends too

You need to go to no contact this is the only option for you to do! Narcissists do not care whoever they hurt! You need to think about what you have chosen to do when leaving this kind of disfunctional relationship with someone who is a narcissist! Remember if your boyfriend or girlfriend is a narcissist then you going to have deal with a lot of problems with a narcissist or other narcissists that maybe raised this person who is a dishonest person who won't amit that he or she has a problem with their behavior and actions!

I was married to Narcissist and he also had bipolar. Yes I know how rage they can get, he almost killed me and thank GOD my daughter was there to save my life.

I wasn't even in a relationship, and somehow I managed to activate all her triggers. Fortunately I was able to maneuver through all all her attacks. I guess I won because in the end I saw her true self; and it was ugly! Now I just turn my head away and leave her talking into the air. I believe she used all the tricks she had and failed at her objective. She hated when I would say I win, afterwards. I matured since then and I could care less wherever she tries to get supply from me, because she can't and if she does it comes with a hefty price tag that she can't afford to pay. But yes, to everyone out there be careful and get support and backup. I had one friend through it all, S&W.

Omggg the “invading of privacy” is so spot on.

You don’t really look or sound like a narcissist. I don’t even feel narcissistic energy from your videos. I appreciate the amount of work you do to yourself and us by educating. Thank you. 🙏

I got out! 3 yrs of marriage and hell on earth ! "Princeless" Diana, you just described her perfectly I didn't realize how evil and violent a 72 yr old "child" could get 2mo out and life is good again, no chaos or drama I knew 4mo's in what I was dealing with and it took that long to break away for good

I lived with a narcissist for 38 years. Now I work with a female narcissist who has climbed the ranks at work. I still have to deal with her but I'm more brazen now that I see what she is. I've now said replies to comments such as, "that's great, that's your opinion. Everyone has an opinion. Moving on, . . ." I learned and used gray rocking while I left my ex.

I got ghosted when i brought up the truth

I’ve delt with 3 narcissists but this one I left and went no contact with yesterday was extremely different at first. He never let me see his rage but as soon as I saw his messages between him and another woman, he kept trying to gaslight me from what I saw. Even after we’re both looked at the messages together, confirming the time stamps and everything. He kept trying to use different lies and saying that I’m wrong and it wasn’t him that was texting that woman but his friend. This narcissist was my fav because he was doing everything I wanted for almost a month straight. But I know better from my past experiences that nothing is going to change. He never admitted to that lie but it was obvious to me. I know what I’ve seen. Imagine if I went through all the messages. I only opened one text thread and I found him love bombing someone that stated “I don’t know how to feel about that, I’ve only met you 24 hours ago.” Very pitiful.

With the narcissist if you attempt to fight back you can visualize what it is like when a violent person keeps pushing a significant other forcefully signaling, “This is gonna get really violent!”. The narcissist may not do it physically but do it psychologically to shut you down and to point back to you as someone who is nuts and that they have no problem at all. Behind it all is the narcissist’s internal message of, “I am right in fact I am always right.”. It is a smokescreen they created mentally which they are compelled to believe.

I literally want to pour gasoline on the narc who hurt me, light a match to show him the true meaning of "gaslighting." Narcs out there be careful, we are coming for you LOL

I invited my narcissist brother over to my house to talk about the family situation. He started getting angry so I asked him to leave and we would continue the conversation at a different time. He attacked me, (he said I was recording him with my phone??? I wasn’t. Wish I had, though) knocked me on the floor, pinned my arms and legs down and started choking me, telling me, “you DESERVE this for what you did to mom!” I didn’t do anything to my mother, except for stand up for myself finally. I realized I may not survive, so I started scratching his face and whatever flesh I could dig my nails into to at least have some DNA evidence. He stopped when I started ripping his shirt collar. That is NOT f-ing “normal” sibling behavior. I should have called the cops and pressed charges. I used to say we had a love/hate relationship…. I have no love for him after he tried to kill me. He mentioned to me later that he’d had a cancer scare, which I barely believe. I do hope he gets all the negative BS that he’s put out into the world thrown back at him. I hope my mother and two brothers get it all back one way or another. One damned rule. Just ONE RULE!! ✨Don’t be a dick✨. Should be easy enough, but apparently not for everyone.

The one positive i gained from being with a narc, it helped me to see my own issues, cptsd, i have begun the healing process which gives me more strength everyday. He has gotten involved with someone else, who is also a covert narc, but it was much easier to get away and didn't get guilted into staying or how i owed them.

He was very angry when I read his ass like a lullaby now he has to con and find another sucker how dare I discover he’s a CON😮

The person i walked away from made me the 3rd party... i feel ashamed, hurt, disrespected, humiliated, stupid, a fool... list goes on