The UNEXPECTED Way to Make Him Want MORE With You

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We’ve been told from a very young age to “play it cool” . . .
But as we grow up, we realize that when we feel we need to “play it cool” to keep someone interested, that often means we’re feeling anything but cool . . . and it usually comes from a place of insecurity or a fear of being rejected.
Pretty soon, we find ourselves calibrating our conversations and contorting ourselves to meet the other person’s needs so we don’t come off as needy or a nuisance, and little by little, we start to show them that our needs can be ignored with no repercussions . . .
In today’s new video, you’ll learn the best way to increase attraction and investment in a way that doesn’t diminish your value or make you feel like a nuisance simply for stating your needs.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:05 - Playing It Too Cool
1:05 - 3:19 - The “Cool Girl”
3:19 - 5:14 - Wearing the Mask
5:14 - 7:00 - What Makes Us Care
7:00 - 9:11 - Making the Psychology Work for Us
9:11 - 10:40 - More Brave and Less Cool
10:40 - 15:10 - Connecting to Your Value

Опубликовано:

1 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 882

@JM-ri1em Год назад

AS A MAN PLEASE LISTEN TO HIM. STOP BEING COOL ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT WE ARE ALL TIRED OF THIS. YES YOU WILL SCARE AWAY THE BAD ONES BUT YOU WILL FIND AND ATTRACT THE RIGHT ONE

@ichigoMomomyaChan Год назад

While I agree that women should not tolerate having to play the "cool girl" and just embrace their feelings. I think the main problem is the exhausting amount of guys that cannot handle the slightests amount of commitment.... It's honestly just exhausting to date atm and I wish guys would be more aware of themselves and how they affect others

@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light Год назад

As a woman 'thankyou' 🎉

@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light Год назад

Love honesty and transparency 😊

@vicentemorales2533 Год назад

@@ichigoMomomyaChan That's the point, to weed out the bad options, think about it, do you really want a guy that you could never talk to, share or even something as important as just being yourself, that's not even a relationship at that point You want a fake relationship, be fake, you want a real relationship be real, you get what you give

@azar1520 Год назад

@@ichigoMomomyaChan Wrong. It is only the top 20% of men who will not commitment. The other 80% of men most likely will. However, the real question is if you will be attracted to the other 80% of men or if you will friendzone them after the first in person meeting.

@Relativetoyou Год назад

This is so true. I fell into the trap of the "cool" girl persona for a guy I fell completely in love with. When I finally felt safe to be myself it was suddenly too much for him. I realized I set my standards to the minimum and made it easy for him to be the "low effort" boyfriend. I gave so much in that relationship that it left me completely drained on the inside while he made it seem like I was the bad guy for asking for too much. I learned so much from that relationship. Set your standards ladies/gents and set boundaries. Don't be afraid to walk out if he/she doesn't step up or invest as much as you do because they most likely never will and you are just wasting your time!

@wafflebaffel5919 11 месяцев назад

Omg this is so me a month ago!

@catherinegorter8211 11 месяцев назад

Me too... Only ten years to learn! 🙄 Watched this RU-vid video on 'How to make a guy commit ', by Matthew Hussey, and it was exactly what I'd done wrong. Feels like game playing to me because I've always been my true self, but apparently game playing IS REQUIRED to get and keep a guy! They say they hate women like that, then treat the honest, true ones like crap. 😂

@emilyb5557 10 месяцев назад

This is the thing isn't it - if you then drop the mask and change your expectations they will be surprised confused. They might even have been ok with it if we could be open from the start, but changing later won't work.

@andziagreen4922 10 месяцев назад

Sounds like my story too. Very painfull heartbreak but now healing and learning what I was doing wrong to never let this to happen again💃

@dawnallison3070 10 месяцев назад

I played it cool with a guy I always had a crush on, because I figured he was out of my league. This was before I heard about some of the women he dated. He seemed out of my league, so I wasn’t really playing games, I just blew him off, but that was because of my self-esteem issues at the time. He chased me down relentlessly, and when I rejected him, he took it personally, and became very mean to the point where I had to actually block him on social media. He had actually really liked me, I thought everyone told me. Then we reconnected, and he was very fearful. So I started to walk on eggshells, and played the Cole and laid-back chick, And could never just admit how I truly felt and would blow him off when he would tell me how he felt. So I couldn’t use words, and I came on strong as a super friend, who wanted to hang out all the time, but it ended up, making him fearful of me. You really have to be your true and authentic self. That does not mean being crazy and needy, and chasing a man down, which I believe, never works, at least not with the man you really want. But there has to be a happy medium. You don’t chase someone who shows no interest, yet at the same time, you could only play hard to get and play it cool before people start to treat you exactly the way you were presenting herself. Most of us don’t look inward and we just blame the other person.

@deliapasqualini970 Год назад

If it works, it works. If it doesn't, don't waste your time and energy in convincing someone that you worth. I'm starting getting into it.

@kani9284 27 дней назад

this!

@Eebydeeby2112 Год назад

Leave him alone: stop thinking about him. He will feel the energetic shift and come running behind

@hipmoma Год назад

and that does not mean the relationship has any more value or will work out. The worst guys love to chase...

@lila5239 8 месяцев назад

Can you please elaborate.. I always wonder what people meant by energy shift. So he knows you’re thinking about him even when you’re not around and when you move on they also feel it too? Is it telepathy?

@cjsparkles1667 8 месяцев назад

@@lila5239hi Lila. so, thoughts and feelings radiate energy. if you adjust your thoughts and if your feelings also change, the vibration or frequency emitted from those thoughts and feelings is affected. the vibrations emitted from thoughts and feelings are picked up by others, often unconsciously. an example is when, say, person A breaks up with person B. person B is sad, missing them, maybe obsessing, trying to get them back, anything like that where they are giving their energy to that person A still. person A feels repelled by this energy of person B desiring them so strongly. then, you ever notice how when person B finally lets go, moves on, and stops giving to that person energetically (maybe without even contacting them), person A feels that energy shift, or that loss of person B's focused thoughts and feelings on wanting person A, and then person A comes running back...? that is an example of someone feeling an energy shift. it happens on an energetic plane. telepathy, to me, is more when you send thoughts to a person and they can pick up on what you are sending, like communicating to someone without words, for example looking in someone's eyes and having/sending your thoughts and they know what they are, or to me when working with or studying with someone and sharing the same thoughts and even finishing sentences. that is all my perception of these meanings, they may differ for others. ❤

@rachelross5829 8 месяцев назад

@@lila5239yeah I don't buy that soul mat3 stuff.

@vanessayalung775 8 месяцев назад

What if he doesn’t, then what? What if he still expects attention and then gives you the cold shoulder?

@dawnowens1951 Год назад

If you are unable to connect via conversations and share your thoughts with him or her. You no longer have a connection. Don’t be afraid of losing a person who is using you. You matter as much as he or she does.

@gabriellaschmidt3098 Год назад

Thanks. I needed to read this.

@JassyInParis 10 месяцев назад

I am in that situation he took me fpr granted

@dawnowens1951 10 месяцев назад

@@JassyInParis girl, you gotta put on you big girl panties. You know better now. It’s time to go hunting for a respectable man.

@joannawrzelikowska3273 10 месяцев назад

I'm not afraid. This person is not letting me go

@tatianagoncalves944 4 месяца назад

Thanko you! God bless you!🥺🥺

@teresiakagendo469 11 месяцев назад

8 years of playing cool and still got dumped. This is an eye opener. Thank you so much.

@marcelapiskorska2573 10 месяцев назад

same here... we got this!!!

@emilyb5557 10 месяцев назад

❤ Hope you find your happiness for the full you soon.

@AdebankeOdunuyi 9 месяцев назад

Gosh! I’m so sorry. Better things ahead

@missvegan1967 9 месяцев назад

😂

@gracegathoni2490 7 месяцев назад

1:25 1:30 😅

@constancep7632 6 месяцев назад

Truth. He wasn't giving me what I wanted and I let him for a little while. Then, I said "If you don't have space for me in your life, if it’s not possible for your to make me a priority, then I can't go on. I'll be sad because I want to keep seeing you, but I'll be okay, and I'll have space in *my* life to find someone who *can* give me what I need." You should have seen the look on his face. He asked for time to process, and after a couple of days, he admitted he'd taken me for granted, he apologized and said he wanted to make it up to me. Asking for what we want is important, folks.

@msearch444 7 дней назад

That is SUCH a great comment - i may borrow your wording!!!

@filledumer8429 Год назад

I’m not the cool girl, but if they don’t put effort anymore, if they pull away, if they get distant, I’m just doing the same. It’s about reciprocation. If I ask you directly, you say the good thing but you don’t show it, Imma step away cus I know I deserve way better than that so if they wanna lose a good thing it’s with them, but if they don’t they might step up. That’s all. If you can’t meet me at my level, I’m not going to step down. I’m not gonna be the one always texting first, I’m not gonna entertain more “left on read” and then calling me when they want or need. And no one should. Men or women

@islandgirl99 10 месяцев назад

Be you! Authentic! If they don’t like it, then they aren’t for you. 💜

@porschewalker5652 13 часов назад

🎯

@rosaewilloughby9640 Месяц назад

Definitely be you; if they don’t like it then they aren’t meant for you 😅

@contagiousintelligence5007 5 месяцев назад

I just told my crush that it disappointed me that he didn’t reach out to me for 2 days. He was so apologetic and made me feel loved and secure. Totally good advice. Don’t suffer, ladies. If he doesn’t step up, he’s not your guy.

@TheDemsk Месяц назад

If he didn't reach out for 2 days, then you're not important to him. Move on.

@emisstudying 8 дней назад

Move on, please

@sogiki 9 месяцев назад

If someone doesn’t want you, they will never ever want you. It doesn’t matter how little or how much you invest. You’re either a girl they want to be with beyond a hookup or you’re not. And I’d argue they know that on date one.

@PaulineMitchell 8 месяцев назад

Agree

@Haley497 4 месяца назад

Doesn't make it any less painful, but thanks for the clarity.

@sogiki 4 месяца назад

@@Haley497 but I feel it does make it less painful. Before that revelation I would kick myself for eternity for doing or saying the wrong thing and losing the guy when the truth was all along that it didn’t matter.

@Haley497 4 месяца назад

@@sogiki you do have an excellent point. It is a mighty strong epiphany and I do agree it's best to be aware of it beforehand! Problem is being almost in your 50s, with only menopause to look forward to and never having made it to shore. They do know on date one, that much is true.

@battlerudee 3 месяца назад

Typically true…not always, sometimes things do grow naturally

@StArkyBuildZ Год назад

Lol I'm a guy who watched this and I gotta say I really don't care for a "cool girl" 😅. Just invest in me like I invest in you and we good 💯 👍

@Afternoon99 Год назад

I want you to explain more. How do you want her to act towards you

@StArkyBuildZ Год назад

@@Afternoon99 Just care about me? Lol

@Afternoon99 Год назад

@@StArkyBuildZ I bet if she does, you’d ask her to be yours yeah?

@StArkyBuildZ Год назад

@@Afternoon99 of course ?

@amber4027 Год назад

I love this. Thank you for being grown.

@coolbreeze5683 Год назад

Playing games is the problem. It's like trying to manipulate someone into liking you and if you're both playing that game, it's a big mess. When I used to date, things would get dragged out for longer than they should have. Mostly because of the guessing games and lack of certainty. You get a sense early on if a person really likes you and if you like them. When I met my husband, it was pretty much like "yup, he's it." within a couple of weeks. Nothing dramatic, no games and no one acted cool at all 😂

@tjay5178 Год назад

Was answering his calls and paying for things here and there an issue? For some reason I don’t see a big deal in that.

@coolbreeze5683 Год назад

@@tjay5178 I'm not sure what the context is here.

@Florida_gyrl 10 месяцев назад

Yeah! That’s my issue. Most men I meet either just want the bedroom or they are playing a lot of mind games and it is a huge guessing game. I hope one day I can find someone that I can say is the right person too.

@limitlesspossibilities444 8 месяцев назад

@@Florida_gyrlthen they are not right. Treat a date like meeting a friend

@arrow1042 Месяц назад

Exactly. When you're attracted to someone, although you wouldn't want to play the game, you just find yourself in it. The guessing game, the silent communication, picking up each other's cues. I don't want that. I don't want to play. So even though it was hard, i really just stopped. Like, stop. Distracted myself in a way that's productive so i won't be thinking about him. And he noticed it. I want to keep it that way. I don't want to be scared losing someone who isn't even genuinely interested about me.

@andreakusalova9038 Год назад

I have this guy with whom i am doing circles, it's been a year now. First i thought we are already dating when I found out he thought we are just friends plus, although we acted as a "normal" couple in every way - besides him sleeping with others too. I stood up for myself,and wanted to quit,then he quickly agreed to be exclusive. Three months later he realized he cannot do that and broke up - but didn't want to let me go. Wanted to get back to this friends plus something which looks actually more like an open relationship. I went with the flow because i still had feelings for him - just to realize he basically doesn't even respect me because I prioritized others and his happiness as well over mine (he still doesn't want to let me go,but would never commit to me). What to add,we should stand up for ourselves and be true to what we want: the wrong people won't respect us either way.

@iLilith11 Год назад

Wtf you're still with that idiot who clearly is just using you... 🙄

@KajsaBernhardina 11 месяцев назад

Sounds like this man is not in love with you - he’s just scared of being alone

@andreakusalova9038 11 месяцев назад

@@KajsaBernhardina that's actually totally correct.

@Samanthav814 6 месяцев назад

This is literally the same situation I found myself in for a year, better yet is that my guy made me move in with him… only for me to find out he’s been texting his ex sexually and some other girls. BY “ACCIDENT” I found out because we didn’t have a tv yet so we watch movies on his tablet and tablets are connected to your phone. And as I turned it on to watch a movie when he was at work in real time I was watching him text her talking about being more secretive. Seeing her ass was a cherry on top too. Oh and rewind literally the day I found out he was telling me how he doesn’t trust women because he’s been hurt LOLOLOL all while he was texting other people. Once he was caught, cried. Said he does “love me” and doesn’t want me to go. He doesn’t love me. Doesn’t respect me. And it was a sad harsh truth.

@chereseplatt686 Месяц назад

Most of us have made the mistake of thinking that if we really love some one, then we should stick it out. But that's not always the best solution. It really is ok just to realize that while we may love someone, it does not mean that they can, or will be able, to love us back. While we must take responsibility for our own feelings, we also must let them take responsibility for thier's. Whether they choose to or not, is out of our control. Your not being mean by having healthy boundary's. His journey is his own to walk, and you have yours. You are not responsible for his actions

@athinaironos9009 10 месяцев назад

This man is literally changing the dating standards for all of us.. Precious. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@RawMountainRunner 11 месяцев назад

I agree with you but the truth is that “asking for what you want,” will scare a few people away but that’s a good thing, especially if you love them because you might have otherwise spent years waiting for this person to invest in you only to realize it will never happen. It’s ok to test the waters but don’t be afraid to dive in.

@maryannkeenan851 8 месяцев назад

I love this, thanks ❤️

@peamoon Год назад

Tbh as a woman in the dating scene, when I was "playing cool" I actually didn't want much of the person and didn't expect anything and they would get smh more and more hooked which was very weird for me. It's years of about that made me seemingly so "cold" but now I know that's not true to my heart. Since then I've healed and am a much different person. I had to really invest time and effort to figure out that I actually DID want things, DID deserve good things in life and I was allowed to ask that of a person I like and likes me. My point is 1) first heal then date 2) don't chase after emotionally unavailable people. They either don't like you or have some work to do.

@amitaudpikar1661 6 месяцев назад

12 hours of therapy and still no one explained this clearer. Thanks.

@SSpitz16 Год назад

I just did this of asking for what I want before seeing this video like an hour ago. I called the guy I have been seeing for the last 2 months and straight asked him what he wants which he then said he can’t commit right now and I just stepped away because that is my standard. It wasn’t what I wanted but now he knows that I will not get attached to someone that can’t give me what I want and need. Like Mathew said once he has his reasons, I have my reality. I will not allow myself to wait for someone else. Sometimes it’s all about timing.

@orianam9835 Год назад

It is all about timing 😉😘

@SSpitz16 Год назад

@@orianam9835 Exactly... we decided to continue seeing each other and see where it goes. But one thing I will not do and he knows is act like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I am single and will act as a single lady. If when he is ready to commit I'm here good for him if in the meantime I find someone that can give me what I want, need and deserve awesome.

@marksangria Год назад

Matthew, I'm a 38yo guy watching your videos for about a year. They really help me have more confidence when I'm struggling with social skills and dating. When I'm overanalyzing a situation or feeling unconfident, I watch one of your videos. Thank you. I've watched this one 4 times now. It's one of your best. You have a gift. Thanks for sharing it with us. 😊

@annamariamazzola7486 7 месяцев назад

Have my confidence my guy❤.I date you . I'm in ny

@lihong9389 7 месяцев назад

Matthew is so intuitive and informative. Everyone should follow him

@sassysaggimotivation 5 месяцев назад

❤❤

@sarap1233 2 месяца назад

How great that you are educating yourself and doing the work. Someone will be lucky to be with you. Relationships are hard, communication can be confusing. It takes effort on both sides to nurture and understand each other and the relationship.

@T-KRD Год назад

I took seriously "not chasing". So after the first date, i believed i should wait and not reach out, and my male friends agreed - if he doesn't reach out to you, "he's not into you". Well I decided to take a chance, why not? I called and guess what, he was interested in meeting up again and we did, had a nice time, maybe he'll feel more like he can reach out to me now.

@orianam9835 Год назад

Men barely refuse an invitation. Now wait for him reaching out 😉

@T-KRD Год назад

@@orianam9835 ok thanks for letting me know, and yeah had no plans to do it again

@ChocolatePheonix Год назад

Any update, has he reached out? :)

@T-KRD Год назад

@@ChocolatePheonix yes, actually, he sought me out at the mutual interest venue that we both attend weekly, we spent a few hours together, discussed a variety of things, felt mutual attraction, in retrospect a few important things are not aligned, but it was nice to have the opportunity to find that out.

@victoriamonari 11 месяцев назад

I’m literally going through a situation right now where I asked for what I want and it didn’t align with him! So the timing of this is great ❤

@annabarone8727 11 месяцев назад

Same with me... I tell him he does good then backs off again. I'm trying to be not on top of him and understanding

@annabarone8727 11 месяцев назад

I'm just tired of talking that's why I back off

@victoriamonari 11 месяцев назад

@@annabarone8727 backing off is the most authentic response especially if you’ve tried a few times 🥹

@angelstarr495 9 месяцев назад

Theres 2 in a relationship, why give all the power to them?

@annabarone8727 9 месяцев назад

He just texted me after I saw him last Monday a week later hey you

@aNnAkt1qw 8 месяцев назад

Self-love =self respect, align with that frequency and you will mirror that to the universe and guess what happens, the universe responds.

@melanieross3211 Год назад

Took me until 45 to realise this 😂 I'm a super slow learner! I would say what I wanted then feel guilty. In the end I told him he couldn't give me what I want n need. I ended it. I was tired of giving myself n nothing in return

@peamoon Год назад

Being cool with everything, from personal experience, can easily result in being taken advantage of heavily. That will also eventually turn to resentment, which is a guarantee the relationship will not last.

@cheryl3898 11 месяцев назад

I think it comes down to telling yourself “I don’t play games.” When you take that attitude it becomes very easy to see the people who do and stop them in their tracks. If they want you and you don’t accept the game playing, they have to raise their standard. If they’re not genuine or serious about you they will keep up the facade and you know you can walk away

@motEngvity Год назад

People play cool either out of indifference or low self-esteem 😢 How to distinguish - that is the question 😅

@rachelrose9348 7 месяцев назад

Love and respect yourself and be willing to lose him to keep your boundaries! Keep your body to yourself until he gives you a real commitment! It will weed out the users and save you from wasting time

@BeautiHacks 10 месяцев назад

Very very good point. It seems like some men have used the manipulative tactic of calling girls with descent standards “high maintenance”, to prevent them from ever asking for their needs to be met. Sneaky sneaky. Great video and topic!

@MandatheManiac Год назад

This was actually extremely helpful for me to hear right now. I’m always trying to be the cool girl, the people pleaser if you will. Why do I feel so concerned about asking someone to go out of their way for me for once? I’m always the one that drops what I’m doing to help others. So i am actually throwing myself outside as the doormat, and never even realized it. Til just now. Im 37…why am I just having this eye opener?! Ugh.

@MandatheManiac Год назад

I need to get in on this virtual retreat somehow.

@mariumshafqat3826 Год назад

Eventually you remained alone???

@MandatheManiac Год назад

@@mariumshafqat3826 huh?

@mariumshafqat3826 Год назад

@@MandatheManiac what?

@orianam9835 Год назад

Carl Yung said something in those lines: 'once we realise what is in our subconcious mind we no longer call what ever happens in our lifes a fate'. Because of access to psychology via internet we became finally safe aware and there is big shift in global conciousness. I am glad for you. Keep it up and you will be just fine

@soundtravels4348 11 месяцев назад

There's a lot of "don't chase" advice out there these days and I didn't chase but I'm not afraid to make the first move and I'm not afraid to ask for what I want. It worked well for me in the past except that I was going for guys who were wrong for me. Hopefully it works well with the right kind of guy this time 😏 wish me luck!

@manalibrahim8013 9 месяцев назад

A woman operating out of her feminine energy will never make the first move as this is masculine in energy and will put a man off. Men are biological wired to pursue not woman. When you are truly in your feminine energy you won’t need to chase as the magnetism that flows from that feminine energy will attract him without you needing to pursue

@soundtravels4348 9 месяцев назад

@manalibrahim8013 you're making generalizations about all men which is stupid. Not all men like the same approach, some like to be pursued.

@irreplacable1988 6 месяцев назад

@@soundtravels4348 yes.some men like to be pursued and you may not have what they desire down there.

@Kay-pb9he 5 месяцев назад

If a man likes to be pursued then he’s in feminine energy (aka F boy energy) and not masculine energy. You’ll just end up getting hurt in the end.

@kani9284 27 дней назад

@@manalibrahim8013 EVERYONE has feminine and masculine energy in them. Ideally you get to a point where both energies are in equilibrium within you. Forget what the red pill podcasters spout online about "feminine and masculine energy", it has fuck all to do with reality.

@candysmith8724 Год назад

Well after 6.5 years I gave my man an ultimatum, you are either moving in together as we planned for a year, or the relationship is over. He wouldn't commit to the move as we planned after I sold my home at the last moment, so I broke it off. Heartbreaking! There was no way I could be the cool girl and stay together after he pulled that one.

@chercher304 11 месяцев назад

Girl 6.5 years not even a ring least living together?? U stayed in that way too long!!!

@lynn3310 10 месяцев назад

I did this. While I wasted 8.5 years of my life it taught me what I want and no longer will accept. People make mistakes.

@Coral781 8 месяцев назад

Future faking is the biggest trigger for me. I get “invested” easily in a future when they talk that, and then when no action shows up, I get so disappointed. I’m learning to not listen to future faking.

@charlieann6321 4 месяца назад

I’m sorry to hear that 😢. 3.5 years, I’m at that ultimatum phase too. Ongoing broken promises are heartbreaking 💔

@Squintillions Год назад

Yes, I tidy up hotel rooms before I leave, because I do think about what is happening to that room next. My family owned a motel when I was young and I grew up helping clean rooms. Never forget where you came from.

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Год назад

Same ❤

@erics670 10 месяцев назад

It doesn’t make sense to be chill. Just leads to resentment.

@hadiza1 2 месяца назад

Yeah... And speaking about your own wants/needs is literally a muscle that has to be practiced in the first place!

@Suki-or9pw Год назад

I actually leave hotel rooms extremely clean and organized. 😹♥️

@carriekaskiw4781 Год назад

The key is to understand that unfortunately most other people do not, so don’t automatically assume that others will behave with the same respect and care. 🫤

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Год назад

Me too!! ❤

@007jLoSoulGLo Год назад

Same here!! It’s a thing for me!! 😅

@Healing_Oaks 3 месяца назад

Same 😂

@Diana-kt5gc 11 месяцев назад

Great message. I have been MARRIED for over a decade and have tired the cool girl thing way too long. It got me into a difficult situation and Im making the changes to my own self concept. This message applies to ANYONE in a relationship.

@hallyquin6557 11 месяцев назад

I’m in a similar situation. Pls help

@enhimmelskdr0g Год назад

I’ve been the cool girl at work 😬 I ended up absorbing an insane amount of work for years but never getting the promotions. I realised I was never invested in after I burnt out and quit.

@TerrilynHunte Год назад

I have been approaching dating in a more passive way due to fear, being too needy/ demanding and advice from other dating coaches to allow men to “chase” constantly. I love this shift in perspective. People do appreciate what they invest in. Will be trying this approach and seeing how it goes. I have been suppressing and not messaging first I will focus more on connecting with my value, my standards and communicate those. Great video ❤

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Год назад

Good luck with the new appraoch! ❤

@hipmoma Год назад

you and me both :)

@nandamaharjan2985 8 месяцев назад

I feel you girl, we all have the fear of being rejected due to being “too much” “too needy” or “too demanding”. I am learning a new way to approach dating now. When I state my needs, rather than doing it intensely or saying “my way or high way” I am learning to state them playfully but with equal firmness. use as few words as possible with a decoration of an emoji when asking for things, which makes it so powerful ⚡️ And also set a standard when to negotiate and when to say goodbye 🤗

@mitchy_kles9373 Год назад

Came right on time! I've been that girl who's wearing the mask to keep him. But one time, I asked him about his future plan, and he got annoyed. He became distant, changed his relationship status, and blame me for the chaos we were dealing.. He asked me to leave him alone, I gave the space.. I am not sure if I did the exact thing but it is hurting, tbh..

@mikereilly6215 9 месяцев назад

Exactly right! If we don't invest in something we don't really value it. Someone who never asks for investment will always just be convenient and disposable and that's sad. Ask people for what you want and that will connect you to your value! Awesome video Matt!

@christinajackson3461 Год назад

If someone likes you, can say some of the craziest things and get away with it... as long as you say it sweetly and with respect. So SPEAK UP and SPEAK NOW!

@LilyYuzo 10 месяцев назад

I have always been a nice cool girl, sometimes I would break when I had a breaking point but until then it would be too late to make the guy understand your needs because you make them easy. I always thought that men need space, let them have a chill life, be easy, let them take, get nothing in return and turns out no guy would stay in a relationship with me cz I was too easy.

@Jessiethegirl23 4 месяца назад

The real issue is how many "adults" are too scared to have their hearts open, being insecure, being obsessed over surface-level things, and run away from loving romantic interests. lol

@markt92 День назад

love this, also realising and understanding peoples own condition of worth is a good place to start. learning why people feel the need to "play it cool" helps to know why we do it

@Mazystar4sure 7 месяцев назад

14yrs later of the back and forth and broken promises I think I’m finally getting this. I need to learn to be strong without him just because I love and miss him that shouldn’t be enough reason to put up with it.

@user-hp3rj1gj5o Месяц назад

Same here

@CurlyHostile 10 месяцев назад

I love the part about investing in someone or something is what make us care, and it gives us momentum to invest/care more. It can be applied to everything

@reneewallace8079 4 месяца назад

This is so true. Additionally, giving people the space and grace to invest in you.

@TheSwordandPearl Год назад

This is true. Dont try to be all things to all people.

@ashu1084 Год назад

Well explained holding your value even when they step back..thats the confidence & competence ...

@cdreams25 8 месяцев назад

I was into the "cool girl" era to protect myself in the initial stage of the relationship. But as the relationship grew serious and he started being a little too okay with not investing the bare minimum, I made a few demands or rather communicated my non-negotiables. But he never got me. I kept trying and he never got me. I don't know what to do in such a situation. Its like he says he knows what is wrong but he will not do anything to make things better.

@sarah-beruriahbattzion28 11 месяцев назад

I always played the cool girl something I learned from home , never be the first to call or invest in him he should be the one to do so and I ended marrying twice the wrong person , going to take your tips now ❤❤❤ thank you for these tips .

@laura155 Год назад

As a woman of fk around and find out. I was a doormat when I was very young and stupid.. if YOU don't value yourself, they won't. That includes if a man buys you gifts or you feel like you don't want to seem like a gold digger. If a man is trying to show you he's a good man, accept it and appreciate it. Don't assume a man knows what you want. Tell him what you want.

@kurikong2379 6 месяцев назад

Man, I'm tired of trying to find someone anymore. The amount of mental puzzle of trying to figure out if this person is serious or not, if he likes me or not. I've been ghosted, rejected, or just just blindly assumed we've got something going on. I'll just not look for new love anymore and just focus on the love that I have now, my friends, family, and my job

@pada5992 Год назад

Carry yourself with confidence and composture, feeling the tension between your standards and their desire for convenience - so well put. Thank you.

@mariefrias8293 Год назад

I'm watching Gone Girl right now. Sometimes, it ends up messy. Better just leave if it's not worth the time and energy to be happy within the relationship.

@benithacalloway8286 Год назад

The moment you feel devaluation ready to take place you need to run as if a lion is after you. Run Run hard. When someone disposes you it’s no joke. Love bombing devaluation BOOM!!! Disposed 😫😫😫😫😪

@phyllis2866 5 месяцев назад

But also, when I finally DIDNT “play it cool”, and was vulnerable and asked for more, it still didn’t work 😢😅😢😅

@caseymarlin1856 10 месяцев назад

I've had a habit of finding really needy and insecure men. This is true. Once I had a need WOW UNBEARABLE. I completely did it to myself by being the super cool helper, wanting to be needed backfired horrendously. Great video, and well said.

@hipporoo 10 месяцев назад

What an accurate description of what most "boys" think of "cool girls". Fortunately, I'm a "cool woman" 😂😅 and the only "man" I would ever allow in my life, is one that truly embraces his ✨divine masculine energy✨ and matches mine! Brilliant advice, you're phenomenal! 🙌

@deerskin4225 5 месяцев назад

Boils down to being authentic. Which is not a state so easily attained for someone who has been heavily abused while growing up. But we can all get there, no matter what. Life journey. And it is actually fantastic when that happens.

@justfine810 Месяц назад

Thank you for this!!! It encouraged me to pause my cool card and reach out to a guy I like. I'm waiting to see what happens but it feels good to just be my authentic self.

@Wouldntyouliketoknow1111 9 месяцев назад

Good god. I spent the first 47 years trying to be the cool girl and not asking for what I needed and wanted. Awful. I’m going for what I want now. ❤

@NotUrAverage786 Год назад

Isn't this mindset symptomatic of the current (casual, hook-up) dating scene which prioritises men's desires over and above women's?! It's sadly social and cultural conditioning (collective brainwashing) along with a lack of healthy values, standards and boundaries, and knowing how to communicate them from a place of self love. So pleased you're addressing this Matthew, women need to feel empowered and know their value ❤

@DaisyBicardi Год назад

I love how clear and well spoken you are ❤

@RoshniChaudhari Год назад

So relatable! I've done this so much, especially when I was younger. Trying to be clear and open about what I want a lot more now.

@ofkgjsl Год назад

lol I never heard any youtuber ask that directly and honestly for subs. finally something refreshing 😂

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Год назад

❤

@taskeen777 4 месяца назад

I played cool. He was irritated. I was myself, he was overjoyed. Learn from this man 😅

@heliavariani606 Год назад

"We want them badly " i have never felt more wanted from mathew

@MsLilac88 Год назад

I always feel enlightened by your amazing relationship videos. 😊

@mial501 Год назад

Can’t wait for your videos !!! Thank you! You are the best’

@Oldwoman6285 9 месяцев назад

I hate it. I always play too cool and super uninterested. But actually I CARE and daydream and have butterflies everytime i event think of them.

@asamara673 7 месяцев назад

Thank you. I needed this confirmation for a situation I’m in

@anetajankulovska7174 Год назад

Right on time was this. Thank you Matt.

@breannemindsetmentor Год назад

Oh my gosh I am absolutely loving the new style of cheeky humour about subscribing and sharing! Also love the sarcastic humour, it makes me want to subscribe a second time even though I have been subscribed for a long time LOL!

@nansullivan2837 11 месяцев назад

Great video. I loved this. I totally agree about asking for what you want. Being “cool” is just too much work.

@Calida Год назад

Thank you for this pep talk, I really needed it 🥹

@Dreamingofrainbows 5 месяцев назад

Absolutely! So many situations where teaching me this and ir didn’t click for a while but now after an extremely hurtful thing has happened it opened my eyes. This video has confirmed what I thought already, it was kinda stemming from anger and hurt but slowly it will become a default and coming from my heart and kindess. ❤

@prajktakarle96 10 месяцев назад

you are the best matt! bless you for bring peace in my life. will always support you!

@beanbagchair 11 месяцев назад

you bring me so much clarity!!!

@user-fn9bn6gx4o 3 месяца назад

your program is a light at the end of the tunnel for many relationships, successes, always be focused

@TheFlyingInfinityRanch 10 месяцев назад

Thank you Matt for letting me believe it is okay to just be me.!❤

@Sunshine-lg7qm Месяц назад

I am really grateful to you Matthew

@lindak8307 4 месяца назад

I used to be the Cool Girl, not anymore. Now I state what I need and want and I’m very direct and adamant about It. I’m a much happier and more fulfilled person as a result.

@user-vm3xs5lf7y 5 месяцев назад

Thank youuu ❤❤❤ Just be always yourself no matter what!😊😊😊

@kathyguzman1651 3 месяца назад

Wow!!! Thank you so much. You are so helpful , this was the answer to my question. Keep succeeding.🥰🎉🎉

@mpch6298 Год назад

Very liberating to know you dont have to be cool and can make your demands and switch the tables. Loved the movie and the sudden twist. Thanks for bringing this up.

@laniolivia 8 месяцев назад

Thank you for enlightening me. Keeping a balance with the true self 💪

@FreebornLivingWoman 10 месяцев назад

11 years ........ I finally learnt he was not able to invest in us as I had always wanted him to. I then found out he met someone else, and got married within 2 years, and inherited 4 children in that process. Dont be me ...... Set your boundaries straight away, invest in yourself FIRST

@gisellcorrea5603 10 месяцев назад

I love Mat!!!! thanks for what you do!! God bless you!

@lisamariew7359 Год назад

Thank you, this really touched home ❤

@mtamela1855 7 месяцев назад

Just your videos keep me sane.only these comfort me. It is the lowest point of my life.

@crystalfullerton3908 7 месяцев назад

Appreciate the apparent lack of toxic advice on your channel. I have read some toxic self help in the past and it probably did more damage than if I had had no advice.

@staywellandstrong4199 Год назад

Asking for what you picture as ideal from your view, then seeing their perspective in return. And you're spot on ~ it conveys mutual value (with healthy boundaries.)

@janetmuthoni189 Год назад

Wow!! I love this!I've been doing it wrong all along

@plantbasedgirl5854 6 месяцев назад

Wow, wow wow. It's like you are in my head reading my mind. I had tears listening to this. Yes, I have been trying to be the "Cool girl" (woman), and I needed to hear this. Thank you!!

@sharonmargaretstewart8341 11 месяцев назад

Thanks Matthew have a fantastic day, bless you 🦋☘️

@raggynola 8 месяцев назад

Just found Matthew's videos and I find them quite enlightening. Although these videos are tailored for women to men dating, they are applicable to virtually any dating dynamic to include male to male dating. His videos have shed a bit of a light on very recent heart wrenching situations I have had with my own dating experiences.

@shagynaz Месяц назад

I feel bad I haven’t seen your videos before, i was in a toxic relationship for 7 years and i was the only one giving and giving I thought he earn less he couldn’t do it. I was the one making efforts.

@Betterboundariesnowteensupport Год назад

Your a great person Matt "the moment someone backs away we break our standard" I am so happy your in the world. Bless you and your family and your lovely mum Pauline