Things Not To Say To Someone With Cancer 

uncomfortable how the girl in the red shirt is speaking over the guy next to her

Let the guy in the white shirt talk! He was quiet throughout the video, then when he had his moment at 2:59, BAM it was snatched away.

3:00 made me cringe... she didn't let him talk wtf

Bless the guy in the white shirt, you could tell he really wanted to speak at 2:59

Dude with the white shirt wants to talk so bad

It was really annoying to me when the lady in red interrupted the guy in the creme colored shirt when he was trying to talk let the damn guy talk

Things Not To Say To A Child Abuse Survivor pleeeease!

"How long do you have left?!" Well if everything goes as planned about 50-60 years? Not every cancer is terminal.

These 'What not to say' videos are honestly so informative & helpful. Thank you for making them!

Can you do a chronic illnesses one.

I feel bad that I feel almost desensitized to cancer. My mum got diagnosed when me and my twin were 4, now we are nearly adults and she's still here keeping us healthy and moving. I don't think I've ever really sat down enough and appreciated what she went through, or what consequences she still has to cope with. For those of you wanting a success story, my mother got told she had a 5% chance of surviving into the near future when diagnosed, other than a leg with dead nerve endings (meaning that walking is hard for her. She requires a stick and has a disability badge to put in my dad's car) she is alive, and hopefully happy. (She's got two shitty teenage twins)

Super honoured to have been able to take part and share my experience in this and hopefully help others understand a bit more. The truth is, when it comes to cancer, there is no right or wrong answer (or question in this case). We understand that sometimes it is difficult to know what to say/ask. Just don't beat around the bush, if our wisdom can help others who are worried about/going through cancer then we are humbled to help. That's what humanity is all about. Appreciate the lovely kind comments already :)

what the hell she didn't even let him talk at 3:00 he barely got a chance to talk wtf??

I'd love if you could do a "things not to say to someone with a chronic illness" or "things not to say to someone who uses a wheelchair"

Both me and my mom were diagnosed with lymphoma (6 months apart at that). This video was phenomenal, we're both laughing way too hard at this!

What about the people that always come out with " smoke some weed, it's shown to cure cancer"

I have a big chance of having cancer, so thankyou for making me smile

The woman in the red top drowns out the guy with her in the cream white top and hardly even lets him speak :(

Feel sorry for the Asian guy, the woman in red didn't let him say a single word

please do: things you're tired of hearing as a bulimic/anorexic, that would be so interisting..

My Teacher Had Cancer and was given six months to live and here she is five yrs later. Strong and most importantly Alive.

Let the guy in white speak !!!! For god's sake ..

“Saying nothing is also good.” 👏 👏 👏 yes sir it is

I relate to this so much!! I was diagnosed with childhood cancer (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) in 2013, the year I was turning 13. I have heard all these things during my cancer journey. I feel like I needed to educate people especially when people say "You don't look sick, you have hair, or your smiling." I have/had good days and not all chemos are all the same. I am so happy to be cancer free for 2 years and that I made it 17. I fought that battle for almost 3 years. I am still dealing with affects from the treatment, I have had my shoulder replaced and I have had knee surgery and am going to have another. That Is because of the chemo and steroids, I got AVN, which means my bones were deteriorating. The surgeries were to correct that. It was a hard journey and still is. There is always a chance it could come back but I stay strong, fight, and take care of myself (check ups regularly and tests). I have lost so many people and I will continue to fight for those lost and those who are currently fighting. I have/had Cancer but it didn't define who I was.

I feel alone during treatment, this is extremely supportive thankyou ❤️ reminds me that I am not alone or have to change my behavior towards others who are less informed

I'm happy to share a success story! My uncle had testicular cancer. He went through chemotherapy, and hormone therapy, and he finally beat it awhile back. He's healthy and happy with 2 kids. He has new allergies and stuff but he is alright with them!

As someone who has cancer I like it more when people treat me like usual. I mean I dont want other people to remind me every single day that I hv a cancer

This is so accurate I'm 15 and I just finished treatment like 3 1/2 months ago and when ppl say "oh you're better now" it bothers the hell out of me cuz I'm not considered cured for another 5 years so I have no idea if I'm really better now...

A cystic fibrosis/chronic illness one!

things not to say to someone whos had an abortion

My great grandma had cancer. Thanks for making this

Do a dyslexia one !!

People don't want a friend with cancer ? THAT is *sick* .

Would love to see a "Things not to say to a person with epilepsy" I've got a few that I get a lot! "So does that mean you shake and roll around on the floor?" "Is that when flickering lights makes you have a seizure?" "Do you soil yourself?" "Are you sure it's not just a panic attack?" "Don't you think you're bringing these on yourself?" "You don't look epileptic?" "You don't look disabled" "Don't they have medication that can fix it?" "Can't you just have surgery?" "I've heard that stress brings on seizures, why not try meditating?" The list goes on and on and onz

My dad had 3 types of cancer over 10 years. He came home from the hospital on my first birthday. My mom left when I was around 18 months to 2 or 3 years old, leading to my dad (with cancer) becoming a single father taking care of a little girl. He's fine now, no longer has cancer. I'm so happy for anyone who has survived cancer and pushed through. ❤💛💚💙💜

I'm a cancer survivor and some of those question are still annoying now as they were when I was going through treatments.

My response when people tell me they have cancer is to just say"oh, well that is shit." And my follow up questions if the person seems to want to talk about it are generally "how are you coping?" "Do you have good support?" It seems to go down pretty well generally.

100% accurate, and then some! It’s one of the curses of having an invisible disability, at least that’s what I like to call it. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at age 20, and diagnosed with colon cancer at age 21. I am now 49 years old, over the past 29 years I have had 34 operations leaving me with only 5% of my entire G.I. tract, yet to this day I still face a constant barrage of idiotic comments and questions and accusations. This may sound crazy, but there are times that I wish I had a visible disability, such as an amputation. When I was 46 I was forced to retire because of my health, previous to that I worked in the healthcare profession since the age of 23 (I managed to get my Masters degree while I was going through my operations, I had a lot of time to kill, and I didn’t know how long I would be sick for, so I knew that I had to have a career plan, regardless of what was going to happen to me). You would think people who work at the hospital will be a little more open-minded, but you would be dead wrong. I can’t tell you how many times I overheard people talking behind my back, accusing me of faking my illnesses just so I can get off work, yeah, right! If only that were so, they have no idea of the nightmares that I’ve been through, of the five separate times I nearly died, of the months of hospitalizations, just sitting there praying that you’ll survive, terrified that you’re going to die. When I see is people I haven’t saw for a long time, the first thing out of their mouth is usually “ you look terrific!, Lost so much weight, I don’t believe that you’re really sick”....or the good old “ but you don’t look sick”....AGHHHHHHH!!!!! I can deal with a lot of things, I’ve beaten cancer four times now, and I’m left with almost no internal organs, but I cannot deal with people and their ignorance! It’s hard enough to go through all this, but the face so much ignorance is the proverbial straw that broke the camels back! It’s funny when you ask people what they think I should look like, they never have a response, and usually turn Red with embarrassment, as it should be! If you’re going to ask a stupid question be prepared to be humiliated, because I will not hesitate to tell anybody off displays such idiocy and ignorance. Why do people always feel the need to tell you of the people they know that had cancer, and then tell you that they’re dead, seriously? I think a lot of times people don’t mean to be malicious, but facing somebody who has a deadly illness makes him very uncomfortable, and not knowing what to say, they just blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind, just for the sake of it. I belong to many online support groups, But one of my favourites is a Facebook group with entitled “but you don’t look sick”..... every single one of us has the same story, in regards to the way people treat us because we have a deadly disease, or in my case, because I have multiple deadly diseases. By all rights I should’ve died many years ago, but thank God, literally!, I’m still here, but I don’t want to face anymore stupid questions or ignorant assumptions just because I don’t look like I’m at deaths door. With the help of my therapist, and trust me, having to go through all that you need a therapist, I’ve learned to laugh at all the ignorance and stupidity out there, I’ve learned to turn it around and teach those ignorant to my situation, that the last thing we want to hear about your friend that died of cancer, but we’re going through chemotherapy and radiation, and personally, I don’t want to talk about it at all, I want to talk about something else that distracts me and makes me remember every day life, something which I rarely get to think of, because I’m too busy either having more surgeries, going to one of my 14 different doctors, or just dealing with my altered reality. Believe you me, if you would’ve asked me, before I was 20, if I thought I was going to face all this I would’ve laughed at you....Nobody plans on getting sick, nobody wants it, and we all do our best to cope with it the best way we can, but I beg all of you, please do not make any assumptions just because we don’t fit a certain look that you had in your head. I’m very happy to answer any logical questions anybody has, but I will not tolerate ignorance and stupidity, nor should I, just like you, I just wanna go on with my life, and try my best to not think about dying every single day of my life. For the moment I’m stable and cancer free, but, all those years of chemotherapy, radiation therapy, drug therapies, and surgeries, I’m left with over a dozen chronic illnesses, that was side effects of all the treatment. And yet to look at me you’d never know I was sick, if I take off my shirt you can tell instantly that I’ve had a lot of surgery, my abdomen is horribly scarred, and I have my small bowel sticking out of my lower right abdomen. I just wish that I lived in a world where I didn’t have to face so much ignorance and insensitivity, because your mental health takes one hell of a beating going through all this, and the last thing we need is more stress, so please if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all, I’d rather face silence then ignorance, thanks for listening!

I had a good friend (we don’t talk as much anymore since I moved to a different school) who had stage 4 ovarian cancer. She was told at 16 that she would only have at most two years. She was put in hospice care a year after she was diagnosed/got treatment because there wasn’t anything left the doctors could do. The doctors honestly thought she was done for. I just talked to her this past summer and she’ll be celebrating her 23rd birthday soon 😊

What not to say to short people

Timing is everything. When someone is clearly doubting themselves, that's when you come in as a friend and reaffirm they're going to absolutely beat the living shit out of cancer. Don't do so in an emotional, sad way. Get them laughing. Bring the spirits UP. But when it's just a normal situation and a normal day, there's no reason to come out with these sorts of things out of the blue.

I would love to watch "Things TO SAY to people with cancer" because maybe it's my stupid ass but I have a friend who was recently diagnosed and I honestly don't know how to act. All other friends were crying and hugging her but I don't know if this is something you should do. I just feel like this person is pretty bummed out already.

I honestly think so much more could have been added to the part "What to say?" as well as what to do... I think just genuine supportive words. Letting them know it's ok to feel down, to cry and that they don't have to act strong all the time. The same way you shouldn't tell someone with depression to just cheer up and look on the bright side, please don't say that to someone with Cancer. It was hard trying to make other people feel better, because I knew they were scared for me, but I was already emotionally struggling so it's tough trying to be strong all the time. Ask them if it's ok to tell others you know about it. It was so hard having to repeat the news to all my family and friends. I ended up sitting down the a few people closest to me and asked them to please spread the news for me to other close family & friends. But DON'T assume it's ok to share their personal medical business with others without asking first. I had someone do this to me when I wasn't ready to share yet with extended family, even after I specifically told them to please let me do it when I was ready. It was a big betrayal of my trust and left me having a ton of people messaging me and calling me that I wasn't yet ready to deal with. Seeing the looks on everyone's faces was one of the hardest parts. The looks of sadness or pity. They obviously care but it's hard being on the receiving end of that. If you're able to, try to hide looks of pity and just smile, be happy with them and when they need to cry, let them without judgement. Ask them what they need help with/offering help in any way you're able would be the best thing to do. Chemo is so exhausting and can be very painful. It's hard to get out of bed and can be impossible some days. Offering to run errands, cook for the kids/them, offering to go with them on appointments or during chemo treatments are all super helpful. But try to communicate openly with them, and make sure they welcome this kind of help. Some people are strong willed and not everyone takes it well. Cancer gives a feeling of loss of control and if that spreads to other areas of your life it can be frustrating. If you live with them, or they live alone, please check on your loved ones and make sure they're getting enough fluids, and eating when they can (sometimes you get wiped out by chemo and can go all day sleeping and not eating/drinking **It's super important to drink lots of water after chemo). If you offer to help cook for them (which is super helpful) just double check what foods they can't eat because chemo makes a lot of things smell awful and taste awful, also your mouth gets sore so acidic foods can hurt. I am Italian but during chemo I couldn't stand the smell and taste of pasta and sauce for example and it hurt to eat. If you're really motivated, looking up your loved ones specific type of cancer can be super helpful, because you can learn a lot about what they're going through without having to make them go over it with you. Trust me, you get super exhausted fighting cancer and it's mentally and emotionally taxing to have to repeat the same things over and over, which you have to do because you'll end up going to many different doctors and dealing with other matters like work/school, possibly even state offices like disability etc for benefits. It's a lot. If anyone actually got through all this you're a trooper. I hope my rambling helps anyone wondering what to do/not to do to help a loved one with cancer.

I'm really glad you made this one, I think it's needed. Cancer is so common now that everyone at some point will either get it themselves or have someone close to them get it, and yet I think most of us don't know what to say. I genuinely didn't know that some of the things they've mentioned were upsetting for people, and I am guilty of saying one or two of these things in the past. We need to be able to talk about cancer in a way that doesn't make things worse. Thanks for making this video.

I'm the primary carer for my mum who was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer 2 1/2 years ago, and generally my mum has a very bubbly and sociable personality - one of her best traits! But that apparently means she has the "right attitude for cancer"... I know people mean well but there is nothing more patronizing to me and especially to her than people saying that. It feels like she deserved cancer - "Oh she's nice person with a positive attitude, HERE have a tumour!" Again I know people mean well but it really gets to us.

My mom has stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer. She always gets comments like "at least you're still here!" Or people nodding and smiling at her patronizingly. I mean, she shrugs it off because others just don't know and can't relate.

I've been binge watching this series and I've noticed they tend to talk to each other and not the camera, and I think that's so cool. I love that social media can bring people together especially people who thought they were alone or so different, now here's someone they can relate to.

I had a classmate who had blood cancer and I only found out when I was at the same hospital as his for an appointment. Now I know that I didn't react right because I gave him a hug and I said I'm really sorry. He didn't hug me and kept quiet. This was when i was doing GCSEs . We're still in touch and gonna be studying in the same uni and share some of the lectures. I love him so much. He beat the cancer and he became the best student of the year. He was on news too. I learnt a lot from this video. Thanks for helping us educating on these matters.

I had aml cancer when I was 3 and had a 30% chance of living they thought I was only going to live for a year but I’m 13 and I’m cancer free

I have been in remission for almost 4 years from a rare cancer called Ewings Sarcoma. I was 32 at diagnoses so everyone assumed that I had breast cancer. I think most people mean well, but some of them say the dumbest things!

I love how joyful all these people are❤❤❤

I have a buddy who has cancer. this is the first video I watched after I found out, and this helped me learn what he's kinda going through, and what I should and shouldn't say.

going through treatment makes me feel alone, but this shows me I'm not ❤️ reminds me I don't have to change my behavior towards others with less a understanding of cancer

Can you do Schizophrenia?

I was trying to create a character with cancer and this video has really helped me understand what they go through even outside of the hospital. It’s amazing-it’s aLmOsT lIkE tHeY’rE nOrMaL pEoPlE. No but seriously I love this series so much-

I hope all of these people get better again!! Health is the most important thing ever! Be grateful if you are healthy!

1:21 seriously? when i hear cancer i think death sentence. its so scary.

My mum had cancer and died 3 years ago. Heard a couple of these with her .. hmmmm .. some people just don't have a clue

I was accused of faking cancer. It's horrible how many people have to deal with that, people are awful. 😣

I am keeping this in mind for visiting my grandmother.

20 or so years ago I beat Cancer for the second and ( hopefully)the last time. I usually share this with people who I find in a similar situation and it is not always appreciated. I also share that I spent a year on chemo and it is not always appreciated.I also offer for discussion my life and health since and sometimes get the kinds of faces people are making in this tape. And it never bothers me because, even though some of the more douchey comments will NEVER seem okay, I also remember that there were days when I was sick and angry and anything someone said was not okay and nobody's input was appreciated and people saying nothing was not appreciated and people who really do care about someone close with cancer have to be okay with that because HELL... I'VE GOT CANCER AND NOTHING IS OKAY AND I JUST WANT TO BE ANGRY!!... That is not to say everybody has good intentions but...Do they even really matter??? When I was crawling along the bottom of my chemo experience I didn't give two shits about some melodramatic fool blurting out "OH YOU'RE JUST SO BRAVE!"" In the end, you can try whatever you think might help and if it does it does and if it doesn't just ask 'Is there anything I can do that would help?"There is also one other thing I also always mention because it was a game-changer for me. Go to a cancer support group . Not one run by cancer professionals (although some times they can offer technical info )but just a group of people going through cancer or people that have beat cancer or people whose spouse or child has cancer.. These are going to be the people who can share the genuine experience with you. They can cry and it's okay .They can make REALLY BAD cancer jokes that no one else could make. They can make you feel not alone...and that's always okay and always appreciated.

I love these videos. It's interesting to see how similar people's reactions to certain things are, and how most of the time people will try and say something comforting or something to show that they are familiar with your situation. Also interesting that most of the time, these are perceived as annoying or condescending; and that perhaps our empathy levels are not as good as we think they are.

THINGS NOT TO SAY IS GREAT. People who dont understand, can learn so much

I can't say I related to this that much, I can think of much worse things I've had said to me / happen. Taking this moment to say most nurses are absolutely amazing.

I've been cancer free for 8 years and I'm still laughing at how true it is that people actually said these things

I think more people should adopt!

This is another great video! I'd love 'things not to say to someone who has self harmed'. Keep up the good work!

I have never related to a video more in my entire life. Thank you

When someone says "Wow your so brave" it's basically the same as telling someone who just got a door smacked in their face that they are brave, only difference cancer is deadly and doors to face as deadly

Never have I ever heard someone cheer for her period, but when ur told u can't carry a kid, well that's a whole different story

I love this. I have a chronic illness and I relate to many of this comments. Especially but you don't look sick.

I know this is old, but my mom has had four occurences of cancer, one of which was a resurfacing of an earlier one, lost her hair twice, and now she's completely cured and happily living a probably healthier life than me. Point being, there are some happy ends to cancer stories.

A multiple Personality disorder video! I feel like it would be really interesting into what they would say

can you do an ocd one??

the last part is what got to me 'realising' the amount of support you have it gives you strenth to keep waking up everyday

i love this series because it teaches me what makes some people uncomfortable, like most of the time when people talk they don't think about what their saying it might be offensive or rude or just makes the person uncomfortable , it's educational and fun videos to watch 💗.

There MUST be something wrong with me. The same day I got my cancer diagnosis I was cracking jokes about it. My husband had to tell me to quit. I never cried or got upset over it. I was waiting for the devastation and fear to set in and it never did. Anyone else respond like that?

Can you please do one for Social Anxiety and Asbergers

now I know and understand more. But I am still scared of cancer😓I just can't help it. It's good that we have videos like this to help us understand more and maybe be less scared. Thank you guys.👍

Can’t believe I’m only watching this now. Still get asked the questions. Loved the video🙏🏼😩

I hear the one about their family members ALL THE DAMN TIME

I hated it when people wanted to cry Everytime they saw me. I put a note on all doors that criers would be asked to leave. it isn't fair to make me feel guilty for getting cancer BC your having a breakdown. Cry alone at home in the closet like decent people. lol. But not when u look at me. Everyone almost demands an emotional moment with u and they expect it.

I️ really relate to this video 😂 having cancer is not fun ... and it’s even worse when people treat you like you can’t do anything

This makes me so happy, because I’ve been told by doctors and family members: “you’re screwed” because both my parents family has cancer, my mum had breast cancer as well as my grandmother. I just think this really proves to me that if I’m to get the cancer gene, I can get through it with a positive attitude like these guys.

Can you do a dyslexia and or ADHD one I have so many for both

TURN AWaY...

LOVE this whole series enlightening me with ever episode

This was one of the most relatable videos I have ever watched! 🙏

My dad currently has cancer (he`s gonna be fine btw, it`s nothing too serious in his case) and my grandmother, grandfather and uncle died from it... Idk, I feel scared I`ll get it some day

Can you do one with "things not to say to people with Feeding Tubes?"

I find this series of videos very valuable and i am grateful the participants speak out in public. It gives the opportunity to reflect ones own reactions and promote in a general sense sensitivity towards others. Which i am all for. However i would love to see videos on "things to say to...". I think, very often people are talking nonsense because they just don´t know what to say.

my friend has cancer and he’s thankfully alive and is far from going to stage 2. next year i’m going to be shaving my hair (and raising money) for cancer research for the third time and i can’t wait, i love helping people and i hope i can help my friend in anyway i can.

I'd love a "Things not to say to a person with Tourette's Syndrome"

I hate when people say you look like a boy 😭❤️ people say to me I know what your going through my nan went through it but they don't because their nan isn't going to say how rubbish they feel 🙄🎗

Hope all of them are having a wonderful life ❤️

Thank you so much for making this video!! I got cancer myself and I know it's very difficult sometimes to explain why these things suck to hear all the time. Now I can show everyone this video! ;-) I can relate to all of them! ("Oh, so you're all better now?" is the worst...) Great job everyone ♡ Stay positive(YUK) Love from The Netherlands

Don't say: "You're so brave" Don't say: "You're a inspiration" Don't say: "Well, you can still be a mother through other means" Don't say: "Stay positive" So should we just say "Oh ok, good luck with that" and leave? I mean what the fuck are you suppose to say? If you are offended by everyone trying to comfort and reassure you, then please don't casually tell anyone that you have cancer. Perhaps, to your boss, or to those who will need to know. But if everything offends you, then avoid sharing. I do hope these people overcome such a scary chronic illness, but I also hope they understand to many others they're just trying to help and really do see them as brave/inspirational people.

Yeah, better not say anything to people with cancer. Just to be sure not to offend them. It is not like loneliness and social isolation is one of the top challenges people with cancer deal with or anything. Oh wait...

I love this and it's such a good way of getting this across to others! Thank you so much to all involved 💯🙌🙏✌❤

Good to hear this. We all need to know how we can be useful