This is not an endorsement of arson | The History of the Seattle Mariners, a Dorktown special 

12 PackersFan “So you’re a moron. But you’re still here... And everyone wants to see what you’ll do. Let’s watch what happens.” *saxophone kicks in*

I'll one-up you, I'd be honored.

For me this wouldn’t be such a big statement because I hate myself, but I agree.

@@armadillolover99 what do you want? pity?

@@cardonarobledo576 i'd like a pony, thx

If not for Jim Bouton, nobody would remember them.

Imagine buying tickets for Opening Day 1970, and a week before the season starts the entire team just packs up and says they’re leaving.

Cue saxophones

@@JWex-jy7sk My grandpa had season tickets for the pilots and never bought them for the mariners because of that.

Nah they crashed and burned

don't forget political strongarming

And Mr Jello

Also people passing out and being locked in a porta-potty all night.

Freddie Slade A very important ingredient indeed

and 505 likes. Albuquerque here comes the MLB.

Lifelong mariner fan here (I'm 40), and I concur.

My favorite Alex quote “Vin Scully talks like how Michelangelo paints”

I like where he says "You have to occupy yourself somehow" and that it can't be baseball, because baseball is really boring XD

He thinks of the most random things to say

I would love to have Alex and Jon as play-by-play and color for some sporting event, but it can't be baseball because baseball is boring

Raider FN I honestly can’t wait for that part. Junior was so cool growing up, and I don’t really know much about his time in Seattle, I just knew he was good and was glad he went to Cincinnati.

not only that but Ken Griffey Jr. was a 20% better hitter in Yankees stadium than he was in any other stadium (check out Sadman Baseball's video)

@@SanFranFan30 He's also got the literal definition of "a swing made for Yankee Stadium"

SanFranFan30 watched it last night, 18%

@SanFranFan30 knowing Jon bois he is probably gonna mention that

Where does it say 6 parts?

@@matthewdowling6549 the trailer for this series that showed up 1-2 weeks ago indicates that.

Also 11:45

@@matthewdowling6549 In the description of this video

Em San kinda new to SB sports series like this, how frequently do the episodes come out? 1x a week? I’m assuming it’s all done since the part at 11:30 showed a full calendar/diagram

This is why I love Jon

they balance out dont they

That’s dumb, you should just name it Lost at Sea.

Name is “Finding Mr. Jello”

I’m right here.

There he is!

I was gonna go with “Nothing Funny About A Marshmallow Salesman”

Thomas Guccione 🐐

KTBFF High as a native Seattleite I can say this is true

Just like a lot of places. Same with how bout the weather...or any change of subject that you know, changes subject

@@thekid5616 in most cities it serves a double function as a potential alternative subject for conversation. In Seattle its intent is to make the person who brought up the offensive or painfully boring subject feel actual shame. It's borderline rude to talk about the Mariners after such an interjection. It's a sort of passive aggressive one upsmanship of bad topics. It's distinctly different than "how about those Seahawks?" & "how about those Sounders?"

Anything else will do

Can confirm

Wally Gator spongebob?

Bro I was thinking the same thing

Yeah I wish I hadn't know that only one of six parts has been released. I need this whole story back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back

I happened upon it with three released!!!

William Sanders where is this all released at?

Sir, I am that lucky bastard. Granted, I am taking some liberties as I am sadly missing part 6 at time of writing; yet I count myself blessed nevertheless. Know that I empathize with your pain, but I appreciate you recognizing the joy someone weeks later would come to have. Know that you were right sir. You, were right. The joy is immeasurable.

The saddest part of this whole adventure is not getting to see it for the first time *ever again*.

That is one seriously tough bastard.

He was out for the rest of the season but still managed to make that play

The play encapsulates the fat, disinterested and surly gorman thomas' Ms career.

Rivalled only by Greg Jennings Madden performance

and now he is the blue jays commentator, whatddya know

Nico Williams I’m not a Mariners fan, but who ISNT a Griffey fan, and yeah bruh, me too. I’m watching this with headphones on next to the wifey, and I said “no...fucking...way”. She’s, obviously confused. I think about saying to her “baby, allow me to tell you about the only thing that’s possibly prettier than you: Junior’s swing”. But she’s a teacher, and is going insane right now with the quarantine, and I’m pretty sure a statement like that, while true, would put me on the couch until this virus gets kicked.

Like when Edge came back at the royal rumble.

He wasted those years there, should've gone to the Reds sooner.

Clay3613 fuck you

I love Griffey. As a Seattle fan he is my second favorite athlete all time behind Russel Wilson

True--same aura counts for the older Seahawks, too. When they won their S Bowl, we all waited for them to turn back into the Seahawks and give it away--they did that the 2nd S Bowl.

jack prier The Seahawks are nothing like the Mariners. (Besides being different types of sports teams). They’ve been far more successful. They have a SB win, three SB appearances and several more division titles and playoff appearances. The Mariners in nearly the same amount of time... three division titles, 1 wild card berth, 0 World Series titles, 0 league pennants and only 14 winning seasons.

Michael Adams the economy is crashing, it’s not ok, shut the fuck up NOW

balance has been restored to the universe

In fact, it's almost Pretty Good.

Flameserpent AYYYYEEEEEEEEEE

@@Flameserpent2518 pretty, pretty.....pretty good

Knowing how the world is these days, I can entirely believe this at face value.

Mr. Jello destroyed me. How is this only part 1??

How impossible are the odds that the 2 players involved were on the only 2 baseball cards with typos that year

Time to move, my friend. Your neighbors are too jittery - unless you did this at 3 AM and breaking an hours-long silence.

Someone called the police on your for laughing? I call bullshit.

Don’t forget Derek Lowe, Dave Henderson, and Dave Valle. They were among a LOT of prospects we gave away for peanuts in the 80s and 90s...XD

@@christmashake8968 and Mike Hampton and Tino Martinez and...

Dan Wilson was an awesome catcher!! No need for Varitek

As a mariners fan, do you know how frustrating it is?

Google 'Woody Woodward'. He made some really stupid trades and deal when he was GM of the Mariners

While, yes, I would note that the reason that section is amazing isn't because of Jon Bois's skill as a narrator but because of Jon Bois's skill as a documentarian.

@@forgottenfamily (futurama technically correct meme) (guy eating cereal then exasperatingly shouting "Fine!!!" meme)

I can hear Jon Bois talk about anything and still enjoy it

It’s like the fumble dimension golf video. Horses are dead.

I second that

He will turn out to be a thumb tack salesman who ran into Rick Honeycutt. Or is that Honeycut?

Raider FN Find a graveyard. He is probably dead

Yeah we found Roger Szmodis this morning! He’s 77 years old and currently lives in Bethelehem, Pennsylvania. You know it’s him because he used to live in Sammamish, Washington just 25 miles west of Bellevue, Washington. Somebody contact the Mariners about this!!!

When does part 2 come out?

@@JWex-jy7sk sammamish is east

superQuizzie as a lifelong mariners fan and Washingtonian I love it. Love them AND hate them I can’t get enough of the M’s

Harry Engel so true. The past GMs were even worse than Dipoto, verdict is still out on him.

@Harry Engel totally agree with your post, this is really the first time I see a Mariners fan ( I assume you are one ) not praising Dipoto. I think He's a decent GM but he has made some terrible trades in the past, he doesn't have that great of a resume in his past GM jobs either so... I really dont know if this full rebuild was the right thing to do, He completely tore the team apart and now we have to wait and see which prospects we got for our best players will pan out, then we will have to spend some money on some veterans to assemble a decent team, and hope for the best. Only thing that worries me is that Scott Servais is a terrible manager and as long as Dipoto is at the helm He will remain as manager. This will take at least 4 years I don't understand why every single Mariners fan automatically thinks 2021 as being contenders, it is getting old. That's not a realistic goal, building a team from scratch takes time. I am personally enjoying watching this rebuild, not focused on winning but in seeing this kids develop in the big leagues.

@Harry Engel Nice lengthy post Harry Engel, I'll try to address every aspect from it. First and foremost I think the M's should stop signing ex Angels players and executives it just doesn't convey competence. I mean we signed Bavasi, Spezio, Figgins, Washburn, Kendry Morales, Kotchman, and of course Dipoto. If like The Red Sox Hired Cashman and a bunch of ex Yankees or the Angels signing McClendon, Felix and other ex Mariners but no they are doing their own thing. I can't believe the M's have signed 2 ex Angels GM's in 15 years, they had a chance to sign Larussa and they decided not to give me a break. Things like this make me really have a gripe with the front office. But anyway regarding the rebuilding and trades here's my take: Austin Dunn is a 4th or 5th starter IMO, you looking at a 13-15 Wins 4.00 ERA guy from what I've seen, or they might convert it into a long reliever guy but since we got it from Cano I thought we were getting someone with bettter stuff no offense to him. I think Justus Sheffield on the other hand has better potential imo he doesn't have filthy stuff but seems to have a good command of his breaking ball and fastaball on the corners, a really different profile from Paxton . J.P. Crawford I think we got robbed big time by the Phillies, he has speed and defense but a weak bat, we could've acquired much more from Segura Plus we sent James Pazos as well he was a really good reliever big mistake in this trade, This one really stung a lot for me. Mitch Haniger: This is a hard one, this seemed like a great deal from Dipoto at first but now I think the Dbacks were the Winners, Mitch just can't get healthy to play he's having surgery again in the coming days, mean while Ketel Marte is a super star SS in Arizona and he's just 26. Dee gordon trade: Terrible trade He's been a total disappointment in every aspect plus he's not cheap at all. Chris Taylor: Big Win for the Dodgers Drew Smily: Total Disaster, never pitched for the M's we gave up like 4 prospects for nothing. Meanwhile Bryan Yarbrough is a solid LF pitcher for the Rays, Very similar numbers to Marco Gonzalez numbers. He has made a lot of other trades but I feel like sometimes he just trades for the sake of trading. When he got here he said he was going to build a team around we the core we already had and to some extent I think he did but we were playing good baseball with McClendon who was a far better Manager than Servais. Maybe he gave up to quickly on the team? We had a solid team to make that last playoff push before rebuilding . Regarding our farm system I'm excited for it especially for Kelenic, I watched some of his videos He really looks talented and slated for success. I think we need to sign some seasoned veterans here and there along the way while the kids get their feet wet in the bigs. Relying solely on prospects to be successful won't cut it, just look at the padres with Machado and Hosmer, the Asterisks with Verlander, Beltran and Cole ( I know they are cheaters but oh well) The Twins with Cruz and Donaldson, The Nationals With Scherzer and Strasburg. We are terrible this year of course I was thinking 20-25 wins this year at most but seeing the BP is performing it is unlikely I think they should give Dipoto one last chance with this rebuild, but again scott servais is a huge concern I think he's not going anywhere while Dipoto is here. I think if all goes a planned you are looking at 2023-2024 to be a decent team with a chance for playoff contention.

@Harry Engel He's a .230 lifetime hitter and 330 OBP. In my opinion the Phillies definitely got the best out of this deal, I don't see Crawford playing everyday for a contending team. Quite the opposite for Segura. If anything they should had traded Dee instead. I would like to adress the biggest mistake made in the past in franchise history, I think it was not giving Randy a contract extension. Imagine if Randy were with the M's in 2001 in the playoffs. Things would've gone a different way of course. One can say that Freddy Garcia was a decent substitute but obsviously here's nowhere near as close as his level. There's no justification for letting Randy go. Griffey wanted a trade but if Randy had signed he probably had stayed to make another push for the playoff before leaving. The 2001 Mariners with Griffey and Randy would've been a much better team in general. This is something not many people talk about but certainly it was a a huge mistake by the front office, one thay could've been avoided and possibly made the M's won at least an AL pennant.

No excrement.

The Orioles could

The best line of the entire video

@@CoolioXXX52 the Tigers and Pirates also

What do all the numbers stand for

cat chiropractor but skiyup

Jon’s delivery and the music is what sells it. It makes something so stupid both funny and creepy.

@@foxboi327 The music is so key to that too

@@snowflakepillow8697 the low budget 3D “animation” adds an extra layer to it too. Forgot to mention that as well.

Next Thursday! Every Thursday for 6 weeks

Jon Bois got so many people into sports due to 17776

Jon plans things

Watched the Mariners lose a lot of games in that huge empty dome, from the 3rd level, 5 bucks-

I remember watching it on tv

And in honor of this, the Mariners season implodes every year

My team won't win. The Royals have struggled winning over the last couple years.

oh I have something to tell you

@@texstout did the Royals win?!

@@volcanicash31 ummmmm...

@@doublebraincell6458then they lost. Not really surprising.

Dad: "The Mariners didn't lose today!" Me (rolling my eyes after hearing this joke for maybe over 100 times already): "Because they didn't play." Pretty sure that's the dad joke my dad has made the most.

If anybody is surprised at the outlandish, anti-stats things Reynolds says on MLB Network, remind them he's an 80s Mariners alumnus, that's where he learned his major league baseball. Then everything will make a weird sort of sense.

To be fair, how many people scored on Bo Jackson's arm?

@@kevinmoore2929 It's not about the Bo Jackson thing, it's about the 35 steals with "28 times getting caught" thing.

@@kevinmoore2929 Add another "very"

Harold Reynolds was the Jameis Winston of his era being good and bad at his job

They got cursed with a hellhole of a city for their transgressions.

MetalCrow448 I think he’s just implying that Cleveland is incredibly uninteresting

In a strange confluence of events, I - being a fan of the Mariners since attending game 1 in the Kingdome - attended a game between the Yankees and the Mariners at about that time, though I suspect it was 1985. I was in town for a scientific conference. On the subway ride home, I had a nice conversation with some Yankees fans about the M's, because, of course, they knew nothing at all about that team. I didn't go looking for autographs though.

ArtRoomProductions this quote hurts me every time.

HAHAHAHA

Ryan Peeples but you have to wait about 35 years for it to work.

Here here

Good

wdym bro? its a sick stadium

@@tylerolson3261 thanks for infarmation bro

@@tylerolson3261 More like the stadium made you sick

I live in New Orleans. Everyone here was pissed and also grossed out. “Smoothie King Center” just sounds disgusting, and it seems like almost a joke. And then, and I shit you not, the New Orleans Zephyrs (our AAA team) changes their name to the New Orleans Babycakes.

shutupidiot i got a farmers insurance ad

yeah i sure hate it when youtube doesn't try to psychologically manipulate me for a profit

@@spambot7110 Also means they're not making revenue on it. I'm sure that's what he meant.

@@spambot7110 imagine being such a sheep that you are manipulated by a RU-vid ad

@@therunnerupx50 damn edgyboi

Bob Barkley I feel you brother

Thankfully, I was just old enough to know the 90s were a damn lie.

They haven’t had a winning season since I was born in 2001... I hate and love this team it’s funny at this point 😂

@@CoachBal They had a winning season in 2018 where they could have made the playoffs but they had a terrible July and September

@@CoachBal They haven't made the playoffs since 2001 but have had several winning seasons. 2002 and 2003 they were 93- 69 2007 they were 88-74 2009 they were 85-77 2014 they were 87-75 2016 86-76 and 2018 89-73. 2014 they missed the playoffs by one game and were not eliminated until the very last day of the season. They have had 7 winning seasons since the end of 2001. Just enough to continue to give a false hope and never having gone into full rebuild mode like they officially did starting last year. Now with this year delayed the M's cant even tank properly. Even last year with the blazing start they had hope was there before being crushed as per usual but at least it was expected because rebuild mode.

TheJosh has entered the chat

Hey yall! I work out every other day and I work out 6 times a week! Hope this helps!

Eric Silver seth

@@47eoghan47 seth

Someone should do "the history of people saying 'the creation of SB Nation deserves a deep rewind' deserves a deep rewind"

The creation of Jon Bois deserves a rewind

Eric Silver SETH

I've been meaning to get into OOTP. Maybe start with the Red Sox back in 1967, make the Impossible Dream a reality, and then make them a dynasty 40 years early.

I have the game but have never got into it. Is there a year you recommend I start in?

Ty Regehr current year to get used to the game.

@@tygerdude I would also recommend watching tutorials. It is a very confusing and overwhelming game but when you start to understand it it is a great game

I wonder if they ever found the guy who was locked in that portable toilet...

A ship can’t sink if it was never sailing to begin with….