THIS Is The Biggest Problem With Dating Apps... | No.1 Couples Therapist 

I strongly disagree. We've been together for 20 years and the desire is as strong as ever.

9:44 "these assumptions that people make". I have never in my life seen a guy make such an uninformed assumption when talking about women. It's always women with these not only high, but stupid 'standards'. It's bewildering to hear them say something so nonsensical with a straight face.

​@juliemoore6957 that's awesome, any advice?

She says for appearance, but you can only say that if women have low standards for how men look

She only deals with the top 1 percentile of men as clients who have options with women. Most average men have zero standards because they’ll take what they can get given average women’s unrealistic standards

@@zergslayer69okcupid found that women are significantly more brutal in their looks standards than men are.

😂😂😂😂

@@zergslayer69nah most guys would just like someone who looks decent and is a pleasure to be around

😂😂😂

Nah I get it.

Either side can message each other. I was a member of Bumble for one month, and the app doesn’t restrict the man from messaging first. In that month I went on three dates from Bumble.

Its the exact reason the app doesnt work. Hats off to them for attempting something different. But it was a stupid idea to begin with.

What does your head in is even with a vast profile showing a lot all the woman can do is say hi.. truely sad

Thats true which is why I stopped caring what they think about me. Like me for being who I am or Ill keep looking offline or never.

*it's nigh impossible to do. You don't need to add the "on" as nigh impossible is enough to get the point across.

Duh she's also a woman😂

They do that on the podcasts with the panel of women also when you ask a very obvious answer and they immediately go for the exceptions and are unable to make any kind of broad generalization

She’s a feminist

Hahaha came here to say this. Any time she says “it depends,” she’s just covering for a bad behavior of women that’s been revealed in the statistics she’s surveyed. Stay woke kings

Sisterhood Uber Alles.

Same. Reasonably good looking guy here. Great job. Emotionally intelligent. Fit. Funny. I'd retry dating apps every year thinking maybe this time it would be different and they've all gotten progressively worse with the algorithmic manipulation to try and maximize revenue. I've had many women review my profile and tell me they liked it with most deviations being about little things that are impossible to perfect because there's not everyone is looking for the exact same thing (so my profile reflects what matters most to me and the vibe I'd like to give off to the kind of woman I'm looking for). Honestly, I think the choice inundation she mentioned in the video is the core problem. Cute women get flooded with likes and messages so it becomes super hard to stand out, then people get into this maximization mindset where they want the 6'5"guy with a perfect smile, nice house, perfect personality, and zero baggage... Just got tired of trying to impress all these women I know nothing about just to try and convince them to give me a single date. Also, people are just struggling mentally these days, which makes sustaining a relationship that much harder. I'm not gonna get mad at people for that, just wish they'd get off dating apps and matching with people they seem to have no intention of dating or giving a chance.

👏🏾👏🏾

@@brett84cfeel you bro

Plenty are in happy relationships after meeting on them...

I've had a few apps I don't use them I used too but I might log and and scroll down once a month just too remind myself how bad they are..many photos of the girls are the same as 5 or ten years ago..dating apps in Thailand work but elsewhere waste of time

Haha, I heard that exact part and came to the comments looking to see who called her out on it.

4:54 for those looking for it. Yeah I rolled my eyes at that 1. Just another “professional” who doesn’t speak the truth.

She may not think men are more picky. but it´s true the society itself is teaching them to be picky. because its more economical , bringing money to companies and television, to think that way and spread a message of glamorous looks. Our brain is programmed esecialy in childhood to think feel certain way, because the subconscious mind is developing at age 0 to 7, as Dr. Bruce Lipton explains. He explains we dont realize our subconscious thoughts and beliefs, because they are 95 percent subconscious, usually inherited in childhood, by observing other people behavior. We are being programmed by society to think certain way, but in adulthood we may change these programs, and come more loving, patient, joyful and gentle and grateful. because or own self, is seeking gentle attitude, from us, so therefore we should also give kindness and harmony to ourselves, which is more important than looks.

Or thats just how it is and the way you want it to be is just your agenda.

@@sofialotussen The apps are flooded with so called "successful" women who need an app to get dates?

You must be over the age of 30 or be looking to settle down with a family to say that or looking for some financial provision. If I heard my partner saying that I would be very tempted to end the relationship. No man deep down really wants to be in a relationship with a woman where she doesnt feel genuine desire towards him. There is absolutely no way a friendship would be developed first, that isnt genuine desire from the woman.

​@@rjflores438post-wall 😂

We'll be here for the divorce videos.

@@rjflores438 Genuine desire is overrated. It comes and goes. It also isn't a way one street. Some women can genuinely desire you but cause problems overall. Desire is not the only measure.

@@lamentate07I believe you’re looking too deeply into genuine desire. If the girl wants you, like actually wants you, not just saying she does because a lot will feign it claiming they liked you when they didn’t, then she is going to go above and beyond to cut out past flings immediately, she will behave her best and be there for you whenever. It’s very hard to come by unless you got everything she is looking for, which by todays standards unless you’re a super rich model, good luck

I agree. This is always left out of the conversation.

Men have issues because they don't know how to screen women. I had to learn how to screen them in my dating past and it made things much easier. The snabby high horse women that didn't want to provide any kind of data to show they where real got deleted immediately.

Which means women are sharing a small pool of men.

This can happen with men too. In the gay community there are people addicted to the apps. When they are in a relationship they still chase after someone hotter/better in bed.

Women swipe on 5%. Men swipe on 60%

In my perspective, as a woman, chemistry means more than just physical attraction. I have developed feelings for people based on the way they treated me and made me feel when I had zero physical attraction to them prior. Don't know if I lean towards pansexual or not but I've always wondered that because of situations like that.

No. They're telling you this so they don't bruise your fragile ego and don't make a scene. Which, by your answer is what happens to you. Work out, look good, feel good. Stop whining.

Not necessarily. Sometimes, we are physically attracted and there is absolutely NO chemistry. The same is true vice versa. There's chemistry, but no initial attraction 😉

@@GurvanCustom This has nothing to do with me. I would actually consider myself good looking and never had issues with "chemistry." In fact, I feel like I could say bizarre things and get away with it because of my looks. But when I see reality dating show, and there is an uglier guy, women always try to gaslight the audience and the guy into thinking that its about "chemistry" when its clearly about physical attractiveness

​@@mitshyetienne9255as a woman I second this. Sometimes I lose physical attraction because of the lack of chemistry, and vice versa.

because she is a feminist. She has little to no integriti.

Congratulations, you have rationalized ghosting 👏👏👏 what a honorable woman it is who does this

That's what I thought must happen and I'm not sure I'd want to meet someone who likes all the same things. Nothing to learn in that. I'd like to meet someone who can expand my experience of this life rather than match my interests.

@@nath1284 I agree! I don't think the humans creating the algorythims for these apps know how to create ones that do.

@@mitshyetienne9255 They know exactly what works and what doesn't They want you to make relationships that don't last so that you keep dating and keep using the app. The goal is engagement, but without actual results. If the apps completely didn't work then no one would use them, but if they sort of work then people will keep using them until they accidentally find a decent match or eventually get exhausted and stop using the app.

@@mitshyetienne9255 There is zero incentive for dating apps to find you a partner. You wont be a customer for long if you find someone quickly.

You get people like you? That happens?! Unfathomable.

The problem isn't that. The problem is they believe they'll miss out if they hit "like" on someone they 'like'.

Because 95% of guys are just swiping on everybody. And women know that.

I don't believe that at all what proof of data shows this? Used dating apps before on average I swiped on 10% of women only. Most are unattractive

​@janicetribbiani7535 Studies show men swipe in about 50%. But that still doesn't address the original question. Women swipe in 4% at most. They all think they are a golden 10/10 and deserve only the rich guy. They won't get him.

Most women think 90% of men are ugly. Only 4-5% of men get all the attention from women. The men that are kind of average are called medium ugly.

To be fair, the 5% who get all the women also get those messages from OF girls and scammers.

Most of these so called dating experts are single and old.

Dating is not fun for men. It has never been "fun".

I’ve never had much fun on a date, and I have fun at work, at parties, at checkouts!

A date? Whats that? Most guys can't get dates. Spoken like a person with female privilege.

If a woman pays for her own things on a date, then she will think the guy is cheap and likely not give him a second date. As a guy you have to pay for the woman on the first date to have any chance at a second

@@Joseph-uv2ud I thought women wanted equality? Or do they only want equality when it benefits them? Pay for all their stuff like its old fashioned times. But have them be feminine? heck no! She's a modern woman! You keep graveling for them!

@Laissez-faire402 The company who runs them are being sued LOL

So true.

true im 33 havent dated in 13 years

I used to get tons of dates on these apps years ago, each year, it gets worse and worse. I'm now going on 4 months with a grand total of 2 actual dates (and a few last minutes bailers). I honestly just think everyone has mental illness and they're desperately trying to cover it up or alleviate it via online dating, to no avail.

Like we even have the TIME to go on dates. That's the problem. So many people want relationships when they don't have their lives together first. That's how disagreements happen. That's how you compromise for the wrong reasons. And that's when 1 person could be the reason your life goes in a direction YOU DON'T want it to go in.

@@yaboyjosh3023 Yeah. We can barely even take care of our individual selves nowadays.

Of course they are, that's where the profit is.

but it's very hard to prove it@@rejectionisprotection4448

Dont lose yourself with the sex right off the bat

Exactly. I have a turtle philosophy of dating. Just go slow. Flirting is fun. Teasing is fun. No need to spread those cheeks so quickly. 😂 It’s fun to just be friends, actually. Play sports together and lots of flirting.

It's a balance. If there's no physical intimacy by the third or fourth date, I'm out.

To each their own but thats pretty quick to have intercourse with someone you dont know from Adam. ​@@RegisteredNurse926

@@RegisteredNurse926 you mean full blown smex or just kissing and stuff? Because going all the way by the 3rd or fourth date is kind of fast.

I’ll do an awesome powers invitation and it’s not because I’m nervous. It’s just funny. If someone says “in a nutshell” in their statement, I am going to do Austin Powers in a nutshell.

“Sexual market value.” No wonder you’re single.

the keyword being "perceived".

​@janicetribbiani7535 would dating market value sound better?

So many women become single mothers. I would argue women's disqualifiers are broken.

Same.

U 2 could date

​@@TheOutlierTodaylol cupid?

@@RegisteredNurse926 I'm trying lol

No one cares.

He probably looked like a hoarder. We don’t get enough context.

@@janicetribbiani7535 True. We don’t know the details.

_"then the real reason is because he was not rich and attractive. "_ Still a sad conclusion to draw is it not?

I think your grammar is what is making you not a first option...

you have to understand that men are maximizers when using dating apps. They could be chatting with five or ten different women and they might forget. It doesn't hurt to be the one to initiate and ask them out.

@@TV-el6uj Only men? 😅 You might wish to speak to some women sometime about how they use the apps. They receive ten times the likes and filter on a scale that no man beyond a celebrity / multimillionaire will understand. You'll actually find several videos on RU-vid of people setting up fake profiles on dating apps to see this play out in practice. They set up one fake profile for a 10 male - staggeringly good looking, a doctor / lawyer / architect, 6' or above etc. - and another for a less than average woman - a 3. In every case, the woman gets FAR more attention than the man and the longer the experiment lasts the greater the disparity.

​@@RegisteredNurse926yes that's Victoria's big secret...learn grammar. That's why Asian women overseas have trouble catching western dudes 😂

I mean I wouldn't grammar police Payson but yes how someone talks and carries themselves can put their chances down.

You honestly didn’t listen to this. 😂

Thats basically how couples therapists are trained

Come on. Both are as bad as each other on the apps. I know lots of my good female friends have dated guys that have said they are interested in relationships then lied just to smash. And by no means are these 10/10 guys. Ive seen pics of them. All my female friends have asked for is the guy to be honest. If they are out to smash, say so. But there is dishonesty in men as as well. Plenty of married men or men in relationships on there too. So.... lets not make out this is all women that are problematic.

They’ll be banned soon mark my words, the company are already being sued 😂

Tiktok has allowed women to showcase their bad behaviour and messed up thought process and its not very nice.

Feminism means different things to Different people. And you can always learn from people even if you dont agree with them on some things.

Dude, this is a real feminist who is actually trying to speak out for both sides. Not the so-called "feminists" or alphabet people you hear nowadays.

And yet, they still arrive at many of the same conclusions about modern dating, despite one format having more perceived credibility than the other.

it's mostly the thumnails pointing at an induvidual with a devaluating adjective which i don't digest personnaly@@Farsidejunky i would like to import whatever in france, but i couldn't be that hateful just for clicks.

Or maybe why do you attract to those types.. in searching for female friends I can tell these types of women and none of my friends are those types.. you can spot them the same. Don’t get me wrong it’s wrong what they did.. but I’m always surprised at the ‘more desirable’ women who I get passed up for. I wouldn’t even want to be their friend.

​@@Melanie____ it's not like this "type" have a tell tattooed on their foreheads so it catches guys by surprise when a girl thinks this is a normal and natural thing to do. While I sympathize it makes your dating life harder, men will begin to assume any women is capable of it even if they're not. No one is looking out for number one except number one.

@@Melanie____ Thanks for your insight. I have always thought women have the same problem. Men can spot another man with bad intentions far more easily than women. I guess because we spend more time with the same sex generally.

@@emdo.unlimited555 no they don’t have tattoos that is correct but there are other clues its the same way I have many friends and yet none of them are this type. Maybe ask others to help you out here. Other women will easily be able to spot this .. and you can draw on their recommendations if you can’t work it out yourself. Good luck

I had this happen to me and then I fetishized it as a turn on. I think this happened, subconsciously, to avoid the pain.

Are those couple of guys really attractive to younger women? If they could really get a younger woman, do you think they would seriously choose you? 90% of men know very well the feeling you're talking about, but not at 37, but since weare 17. Reality is not about the way "we feel", is about the way things are.

Thank you for saying this, sis. Sure, some relationships have big age gaps, but that doesn't mean you are worthless in this age group or that age group. This type of perspective on the age gap really makes dating a lot more confusing in a way that puts anyone off. Sure, some girls my age (I'll be 26 this May) usually look for guys that are older than men, but not all. Same case for men looking for women. It really just comes down to who you can really have a good time, regardless of age. Also, I'm sorry for you had to go through a traumatic childhood. I can relate to that.

^^^ This. The moment she mentioned she gets the "ick" when men did not want to pay during the date in this interview, it's a sign she has her own sets of issues. Icks are uncontrolled "gut reactions" stem from unprocessed trauma stored in the body. Secured people don't get "icks", they can legitimate articulate why a relationship will not work out and what does not fit the life they want.

The real reason you felt this way isnt because you heard someone say it. Its because you are experiencing first hand that the male attention you used to have is fading away and that by now your chances of finding the man you believe you deserve are slim to none. I feel zero sympathy for women who thought they would ride the carousel forever. Women’s value to men are in the younger years when they are the most physical attractive, while men when they are older when they’ve gained experience and resources. Thats the game.

Women your age are not "worthless" byt women in their 20s have more power in the datinflg marketplace because by and large they are more physically attractive and at the peak of their beauty and fertility.

To increase depression

In Greek time, the family arranges for marriage. No dating. In Abraham time, he brought women from distant land to be a wife for his son, Isaac. No dating. In kingdom time, the European royal family arranges marriage between their prince and princess. No dating. So, the question remains. What is the purpose?

@@budbas you know that Abraham never existed right?

@@ATOK_ Bible says he exist. I don't know, I never met him. He lived way before I was born. Nevermind. Learn the wisdom, not the verses.

@@budbas what wisdom?

Guessed we're all fcked then

Unfortunately so.

Paying for dating app don't change the field.

Well this must not work as intended then, at least for three of those factors we have a whole lot more of it.

That’s not the biggest problem. Creepy men have always existed, creepy women exist as well. If you cannot handle the weirdness of people online get off online. I couldn’t handle the women on Bumble. And Bumble is not an app where men are able to “creep” anyways. Women make the first move so if the lady matches with someone, it was her choice and she can remove/block as she pleases. Not to mention, the “creepy” guy is usually nothing but a projection of the woman’s fears unless she knows him personally. Often ive found women on dating apps flake for just about any reason. No snapchat? Ghosted. Not using social media right now? Ghosted. Oh- you want a family some day? “Im not ready to think about that at all” + Ghosted. You have not truly dated or been out here, that is obvious.

No she doesn't 😂 another lie made up by a grifting 'dating guru' no doubt

From my experience this is true. I’ve always done well on dating apps and irl. And I’ve actually had multiple women tell me exactly what you said; that she knows whether she’s attracted to a guy or not within the first couple seconds of seeing him.

Women who depend on such instant connection instinct have relationships that last for a short period.

6 seconds? 😂 I’m more like an hour girl. It’s crazy to judge someone soo quickly.

Connections and physical attraction are what you are confusing