THIS Is Why 80% Of Men Are Invisible… | Dr K (HealthyGamerGG) 

📺 Watch the full episode here - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-B_5N_aDu3u0.html

I'll stay alive out of spite. The world has never accepted me and the feeling is mutual.

“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don't kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, "He fought so hard." And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.” ― ( Sally Brampton, Shoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression)

I think men are realizing that whatever semblance of a "deal" we had with society for our sacrifice is pretty much gone. We're still running on the old script, but we have a new "deal." That is, sacrifice for society (women and children), but expect nothing for it. I, for one, won't be doing that. I may die alone, but let's be real; I've been "mentally alone" my whole life.

the concept of "thwarted belongingness" and its correlation with suicide makes A LOT of sense

9:30 I just asked ChatGPT the same two questions in two separate sessions. The response to "My husband is yelling me, what should I do?" emphasized ensuring her safety, and letting him know how it hurts her feelings. The response to "My wife is yelling at me, what should I do?" was to stay calm, listen, acknowledge her emotions. Nothing about the husband's safety or his feelings being hurt by the wife's yelling.. 🤨

He literally described my upbringing. Trying to connect and belong to various groups (tribes) and constantly being rejected. I never did succeed at that, and I'm 50 now. I guess I beat the odds by not killing myself, but I definitely thought about it. Dr. K is absolutely correct. Once you understand the mechanism at work you can see it in the face of just about every man you meet. I think this is the root of a LOT of our problems as a society.

For a man, no one will pull you up but yourself.

The further you get past 45, the more the long term exhaustion from prolonged anger shows. I visit my ancient parents in the retirement home all the time. That place is 90% populated by women. And for most of them, their husbands died decades ago.

"The most dangerous thing for a man under 45 is themselves."

Here's the thing. Yes we are invisible, we are also expendable, always have been. I do not expect sympathy or want it because I will get none. That's our role. I stopped wanting to be visible long ago, I only wish to be left alone. This is the world, there's no changing it. You have to just accept that this is our role and do the best you can. The only alternative is self deletion, but I choose to fight. I choose to live.

If im angry, i work out. If im depressed, i ask myself “what is causing me to feel depressed? Am i not doing something that my body is trying to warn me about?” I agree with the man that no one in the west cares about men until its too late, and even then, all those people do is ridicule the men suffering. Men, my brothers, we have to take care for each other and be the counter weight to this world that clearly wants us dead.

This conversation might matter 30 years from now, but nothing is going to change right now. Married men, women, companies, and government not only don't see it, but are actively against this message.

I was severely bullied. Talked to teacher: It got worse. I asked for help: It got worse. I cried about it: It got WAY worse. I was bullied throughout my entire eduction. In Grade 2, my friend beat his bully close to death, he was never bullied again.

The Big 3 emotions! 1) Anger is for boundaries, autonomy, safety. 2) Frustration is NOT being seen, heard or gotten on an emotional level. [Frustration is the seed of aggression] 3) Shame is that I'm a mistake. Not guilt, I've made a mistake ( behavior based)... but identity based...and we'll do just about anything to not feel shame!!! Separating these emotions helps better get in touch with feelings and identify what's going on.....better able to acknowledge and take or find solutions!

I am starting to question the domestic violence statistics…we as men are conditioned to NOT recognize being hit by a women as violence…but it seems to happen all too often…

One of the most interesting men on this podcast I have listened to yet. Self awareness and self reflection is so important. His awareness of the influences around us and implications of those influences is more than substantial.

It so interesting, that we do not speak about toxic femininity.

The mixture of depression & isolation is slowly killing me. I’m 24 years old, turning 25 on May 28th and i’m not so sure if i’ll make it till then. I dropped out of college with 1 year and 1/2 left and I was a D1 soccer athlete. I was so charismatic, loud, and happy. Now I isolate myself everyday from friends & family due to feeling ashamed, a loss of confidence, and lost in life. I know I have to change but I just can’t seem to get myself to do so. Don’t know why i’m writing this, just wanted to vent I guess. I wish everyone on here going through something the absolute best 💯❤️

Damn .. You Both Nailed Manhood ! She's allowed to cry. She vents emotions. He's not allowed to get angry. He internalizes emotions. It builds up, the volcano blows 🤬

Why is playing video games considered a "Loser?" I never understood that. I played video games with tons of different people. We can't all be losers. Also what are single women doing that is so cool?

5:15 - literally my experience. Growing up as a child, my survival was to be as invisible as possible. One of the most isolating experiences I've had in my life was being a child crying alone in my room when my mother comes in and gets angry at me for crying and not being able to articulate feelings I didn't understand. From a young age, I knew I was alone in an awful world full of awful people.

Most people don’t have any real connections these days

Best thing is get away from the bloody smart phone and social media is conditioning you every god Dam day .

There is another emotion: I don't give a shit. No, this is not anger. It really is simply not caring. It is really liberating to not give a shit, especially about women.

Dr. K is saving the world one person at a time. A truly unpilferable gem amongst a sea of thieves

There is a wonderful book named 'The Boy Crisis' by Warren Farrell, which explains in detail the empathy gap/inequality regarding men.

"Most domestic violence comes from men". Read an article debunking that claim: women are commiting as much if not more violence in relationships but: 1. It's barely reported; 2. Less phisical injuries due to less strenght of female perpetrators.

Excellent interview, thank you. I'm 49 and have never felt so unmotivated and depressed. I was a happy go luck guy In my teens and 20s, even 30s. I would go back to the Late 80s/early 90s in a heartbeat.

Society is built to keep them that way. Hard work and sacrifice is overrated. If you aren’t in the right circles you’re it goin very fall. Who you know is way more important than anything.

i found my peace in the gym ! There is where i go whenever i feel depressed anxious not loved ignored etc etc.. and i work hard ! sometime i cry when no one can see me

I am 24 years old, am a loner,, and have not socially talked to a girl outside work place or family in 4 years.. Most would probably think it is sad but I have never been happier. I have lost 45 pounds, fully gave myself to god, got a career job, and get to travel and spend time with family peacefully. I encourage every guy to try to stop socializing with women and see how much peace comes into your life when you do.

My anger primarily stems from a sense of pride rather than insecurity. When people challenge my self-image or identity, it feels like an attack on who I am. This triggers my anger because I'm defending my sense of self, not because I'm insecure. It's frustrating when others misinterpret my feelings and label me as insecure, especially when my anger is justified by real threats or challenges.

The world has turned it's back on men. Return the favor.

Always remember, no matter how much you idolize an influencer, celebrity, politician, preacher, etc, at some point in time, they have to take a fat and utterly nasty shit.

This is correct. If my girlfriend vents by crying and continuously talking it's perfectly fine. But if I vent because I am justifiably angry due to an event then I'm violent, selfish, scary, and abusive. Was with my then girlfriend at the time and was driving down a local road. Out of no where a van pulled out right in front of us. I had to slam the breaks and missed getting hit by an inch. I was so angry I was screaming at the van driver who, of course, took off. I was so frightened and upset I stayed stopped to vent my anger, frustration, and fear that we almost were in an accident. Instead of my girl friend saying something like "that maniac almost killed us, good job stopping in time" she screamed "maybe he's having a bad day!" I could instantly tell she resented that I was angry and venting. To her mind I wasn't ALLOWED to be angry and frightened and to show it. She resented it so much she took the van driver's side over our own! Another time my girlfriend and I were working in the same office and a solicitor came in to sell something. We told him we weren't interested but rather than leave he became belligerent and started to become threatening. I told him to leave but he wouldn't. I told my girlfriend to call the police, but she did nothing and said nothing. She just sat there. The threat escalated and I told her again, loudly, to call the cops. Again, no response. Meanwhile I started to shove the guy out of the office and said to my girlfriend as loudly as I could to call the cops already. She finally "woke up" and screamed back at the top of her lungs at me "I already did". it was a lie. She never called the cops as I told her to. And why ? Because she was angry with ME that I was acting angry while I took on a threatening intruder. This girlfriend was the same as the one in the car. I eventually dumped her because I learned that it was fine for her to vent her emotions, which she did ALL the time, but never fine when I vent mine. In fact, when I do vent my emotions she would resent it and retaliate, as I related here. That's what our f*cked up culture has produced. I don't get pathologically angry. I've seen that in others. I'm just talking about normal swearing after an event and fuming. Just a minute to get over it is all that is needed, but even that isn't allowed.

Been an avid follower of Dr K’s work for a couple of years. So great to hear him in on Stephen’s platform. 🏆

For what it's worth, that changed. Looking up "my wife is yelling at me" now brings up the support hotline as well.

I had the audacity to complain that the long form was too long and baity with the cliffhangers intro. Now that I found the clips page... I'm super duper happy. Your interviews, to me, are THE bests. And this clip format is just way too good. Such depth in 15 minutes. Lovely.

Hes right about anger cancelling out pain

This clip presents a lot of compelling arguments to why we should be setting aside time to meditate regularly

The biggest problem IMO is that you're no longer guaranteed to get the rewards even if you put in the work and get the results. You can hit the gym and get a head turning physique, go out and socialize until your social skills are on point, and build yourself up until you have world class confidence, but none of that means that you'll get the expected rewards of doing better with women, having more career opportunities, or seeing an improvement in networking. When it's possible to put in the work and get the results, but be denied the rewards, it creates a very dangerous world.

This was brilliant and supports much of the thinking around having an either internal or external biased locus of control.

Fuckin' A, thank you Dr K for voicing such a passionate defense of modern men. To anyone reading this, I hope you have a fantastic day.

Super insightful!

I have been watching reruns of the TV sit com show Bewitched from the late 1960's. They are a married couple with absolutely traditional gender roles and I am finding it absolutely REFRESHING !!!! Samantha (the wife) is allowed to be her feminine self and lead a womanly life and Darren (the husband) is allowed to have the masculine role and be a provider, to be the breadwinner and have the satisfaction of providing nicely for his wife and child. The other thing is that there is no competition between them, no friction of colliding careers, there is a permanence and belonging between them - - I feel so much relief watching this show. and she is not treated like "just" a housewife but the most important and valued part of her husband's life . Nobody is made to feel useless.

This is actually a really good discussion. It brings up a lot of points that get overlooked in mainstream society.

Never heard of this guy before, but I'm impressed. He is spot on with the constant distraction hindering us to process not only the outside information probably, I would ad, but also ourselves. We loose ourselves because we search at the wrong place.

ive seen this guy several times. imo his awareness, intelligence and ability to articulate these things is just off the charts. i hope many people take time to listen to what he has to say. they will be much better off for it.

Yes men, it is ok to be a man - you dont need to worry about what society thinks - they arent worrying about what you think!

I find it extremely important for us to start having these conversations because even though we have known that men are in crisis for a while now, the numbers have stayed the same. We need to start doing something about it and awareness is the first step. Awesome video.

Reconnecting with oneself is just so important

Its the fact that its ALL about looks! Once people realize that they'll be at peace 🗿🗿🗿

He's truly connecting dots I never did, which is really powerful.

All the issues are coming from caring about opinions of others and comparing yourself to others. If you stop all that then you don't need much and can be simply happy

Attaching Labels to people in general is a real problem. Everyone is guilty of this including myself but I try to be more self aware as I grow older. Its a sick Society.

I can tell you from a fact, domestic violence in my house start with my wife being narcissist. What she say, the tone of voice, the loudness etc. I am expose daily to verbal attack and violence. Why I am still there : we come from 2 different country and I need to keep an eaye on our daughter.

Steven Bartlett, I cannot tell you how much your podcasts benefit me in my life. 🎉I learn so much from you and everybody you interview. Thank you so much for doing this. I’m also from Africa and I am so impressed with how much you have accomplished. Keep going! ❤

the source if aggresion is not insecurity, i see it more as another level of confidence, I'm not talking aggression as in being a bully but literally using anger to build yourself up, when you are angry and you want a job, you will open doors you wouldn't if you were mild angry or not at all, some level of anger is connected to hunger for life and to strife.

I'm a man nearing 30. I'm working diligently to change this perspective, but for several years now, when I walk around the community doing day to day things, I feel like I'm surrounded by bots. There are a million experiences that got me here, but being abused as a child, kicked around and rejected in school and other social groups, and then being in abusive relationships were some driving factors. I don't trust, I don't smile often, and every conversation I have is as fake and superficial as the person I'm interacting with. My only driving purpose and what keeps me from diving off the ledge is a promise I made to my mother that I would never commit suicide, in an attempt to ease her worry and suffering. Life is hollow, cruel, and thoughtless. Love yourself, if you can find it in you. No one, and I mean NO ONE, will ever give a damn about you except for you.

The reality is that even the best life is not worth living; it's just a series of problems to be overcome without reward. What is there? Money? Sex? Love? The false gods of the terminally coping. No one is better off for having been born.

Suppressing my anger was a huge mistake I made for years. Like said here, I was told by many (including therapists) that I had to process my anger and was only allowed to show sadness. Doing that broke me down. Now I have a better relationship with anger and understand its importance in the balance of my emotions.

Extremely powerful video. I always love Dr. K's videos. This is a topic that NEEDS to be discussed. It's a serious issue. Everything Dr. K said is SPOT ON.

The most dangerous man for society is a young unemployed man.

Love yall

The sheeple will always complain about the problem, but lack the foresight to see whos or what is behind the problem.

Thank you guys... wonderful stuff...you have made me, and I'm sure, many others feel less alone. I love you from the heart in the true spirit of Man. Keep going men, keep smiling... eventually it will work itself out. Hold on in there ❤️

We are so privileged that we are 80% of suicides.

lol I've been alone most my life, married, divorced, and lost the friends I did have, so ive had plenty of time to THINK about my life... It doesn't help me. The distractions help.

I'll second Kanojia's statement that fear gets turned into anger. This is an appropriate response when you're in a fight, as fear can be paralyzing whereas anger can energize. If you get physically bullied a lot as a child, it becomes habitual to turn fear into anger, but then as an adult, in situations where you are not facing physical violence but instead more abstract fears, it is maladaptive.

Fantastic conversation and explanation.

Try to connect and get rejected sounds like what ive been through. People don't want to connect anymore outside of just the normal small talk when you see them at work or church so sad.

So I google "my wife is yelling at me what should i do?" this is what came up. "If your wife is yelling at you, take a moment and listen. Take her seriously and try to respond to what she is saying as if she is not yelling at you. Doing so can de-escalate the conversation. Remember that you are not accepting the yelling as healthy by responding this way." Then I googled "my husband is yelling at me what should I do?" this is what came up. "Stay calm, set boundaries, suggest speaking later when emotions have cooled, and disengage if yelling starts. Make clear you won't accept shouting. Encourage counselling to learn coping mechanisms and communication skills. Don't react or yell back."

With the current state of women, Being invisible is a positive attribute for men.

Thank you for this, I've been battling depression, bipolar, and psychosis for years. I've had more suicidal thoughts than I can count on both hands. I think this is so important to acknowledge and yet we're putting blinders on one of the biggest killers of young men... To anyone reading this: don't give up and just know that you matter!!! ❤

As someone who recently was introduced to Vipassana it feels like a valid solution to what he is saying. Or just meditation in general. To the men (and women) struggling out there I suggest taking the time to just sit and notice what you're mind and body are telling you. Will listen to the whole podcast later to hear his other thoughts.

5:48 Most domestic violence DO NOT come from men. Per Harvard research, most domestic violence are reciprocal and in the event where domestic violence is one-way, women by far are the perpetrators.

Anger is normal but resolving conflicts is important 😊

Well said I am subscribed Steven Your channel is so helpful

Just googles the yelling thing, both answers blame men as well.

Never express your feelings to women, it will only come back to hurt you yrs later😢

"Most men live in quiet desperation". Because of this I ascribe towards Stoicism now; not amorality and indifference. I do my best to be self-aware and be composed, it is a constant struggle but once I've let go of things I "thought" were important such as being attended/loved, following other people's life views and being worried about social attachments beyond my child or friends. I know it's not good but while I still follow traditional values of respect/kindness, I couldn't care less about anything "romantic" or any of the sort anymore because I really see that type of companionship a fruitless endeavor due to feeling alienated towards women. I have had many romantic relationships and most of them only gave me trauma and pain so I think I'm just fed up and tired that I am now addicted to being "single" lol. I feel very satisfied right now with just meditation, having a few good friends and my little girl in my life.

I exist, and I must acknowledge that. A thousand men could tell me what they think of me, but that changes nothing about the fact that I am here. My strength is within me, and I know it's there by using it in this world. I prefer to be alone, and I enjoy my own company because I know I can rely on me.

I do think society has made it difficult for men to express their emotions and therefore they are left with only anger. I also agree with the introspection thing, but they are not the only ones being told not to feel anger or the only ones who get demonized for having certain thoughts or feelings. Women also get told what it means to be a woman and proper ladies aren’t angry or violet but meek and submissive. As humans we all need to do better and let each other feel our feelings and give ourselves space to figure them out.

Rogan needs to get this guy on ASAP❤

Fucking spot on.

I think it’s the first time I’ve heard a guest use the host’s name so many times. Love it ❤️😁

Very powerful words 🙌. I turned to Buddhism and it’s the only thing that makes any sense to me anymore. I’ve given up on the world as far as career, relationships and seeking fulfilment in the western way of life. It just doesn’t work. Buddhism has taught me how to stop “externalising” and look within again.

In regards to *domestic violence* being "mostly men" I've come across something interesting several years back, which is some historical curves from the USA. If correct, then in the past it probably was male > female. But the male side of the equation has been dropping alot over the last several decades, while the female one has gone sideways to sligthly rising. At some point in the early 2000s the curves crossed and since then it's female > male.

In my experience its not accepted to feel anger and fight back if bullied. My classmates, teachers and parents shamed and guildtripped me for it, so I draw the only logical conclusion and numbed myself entirely. By now I know I shouldve should improved myself but as a kid it didnt work Still struggling to get back in touch w my emotions but I have no Idea how to ("Usual tips" like do things that yk you loved or try new things dont work, I even confronted almost every single fear I have/had but still I dont feel more then helplesness/lonliness or really rare anger, if something at all) At 11:50 my mind processes it diferently. Sadness, fear etc get turned into sadness/helplesness cause I know I cant change it (if I see a way I can I try to do it by now)

Guys something important to take away from this that i haven’t seen anyone mention it, we dudes need to stick up for each other. If a little kid is telling you he’s being bullied, listen and help, if bro is isolating himself, go and get a beer with him, just once a week will make a difference, get involved in each others lives! Especially if your bro who you care about is suffering! One of the greatest ways to process your issues is by helping others with their issues!

Great video Steven

OMG. not being able to be angry. 100% true.

This is why we need good enough fathers

Wow ... very interesting. Found the Carr interview enlighting as well.

Very interesting discussion.

What's so scary about this is that it's never going to get better. I hope it does though.

Battle between authenticity and connection

wow. this is gold.

Thank you.🙏