Truth About Narcissistic Love

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Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Are you in an unhealthy, powerless relationship? Do you feel like you're always battling for control? If so, you may be in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic. In this video, we're going to talk about what narcissistic love is, what it looks like, and what you can do to manage it, or get out of it. We'll also discuss the power struggles and manipulation that often comes along with it, and how you can develop a healthier sense of empathy to deal with these conflicts.
Narcissistic relationships are often characterized by power struggles, manipulation, and an unhealthy lack of empathy. In these relationships, the narcissistic partner has an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep need for admiration from their partner. They are often controlling and overly critical, and often lack empathy for their partner's feelings and needs. Narcissists often seek relationships that are based on codependency, so their partner's dependence on them provides them with validation, support, and admiration. This dynamic can be damaging to the other partner, as the narcissist's behavior can lead to feelings of rejection and unworthiness. It is important for people in narcissistic relationships to recognize the signs and seek professional help in order to break unhealthy patterns.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
RU-vid: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.

Опубликовано:

18 апр 2023

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Комментарии : 71

@fbn2884 4 месяца назад

"Narcissists are capable of *displaying* loving behaviors". This phrase say it all.

@DrDanielFox 4 месяца назад

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

@fbn2884 4 месяца назад

Thank you, Dr.Fox! Your videos help me immensely @@DrDanielFox

@Wulfbloode Год назад

Wow, I just realized, "Crumbs of love" is actually what they call "Doing their best" so you are grateful for the little bit and admire their effort when it's so "hard" for them. It can look like "empathetically" lowering your standards .

@Wulfbloode Год назад

@@3jesus3christ3 well hello. If they are truly doing their best, and their best sucks, their best isn't good enough for me no matter who labels them what. Someone who wants someone to pity them because their best just isn't good enough is... well... pitiful. We don't change a test to be easier for someone who sucks at studying; we tell that person to study harder and if they can't, they fail.

@angelawhite2022 Год назад

Learning I had a narcissistic parent has helped me heal so much. All these years wondering what was wrong with me when I got 99% instead of the 100%…. I could never grasp why it was never good enough until now. Now I can recognize no one is perfect or “gets the hole in one every time” and that’s what being human is. I am finally free. 😊

@HonesTeaBeauTea Месяц назад

My mom was ruined by a narcissist. I barely have a relationship with her. She was my best friend. The only family I had besides the one I created. There have always been issues there because she has ALWAYS chosen men over me, even as a little kid but its the worst it has ever been now. She has ZERO self respect and is obsessed with her narcissist now ex husband. Its rough!

@johnlee2540 Год назад

Not easy... It take lots of mental processing capacity , acceptance , reprogramming .

@HonesTeaBeauTea Месяц назад

My mom was the most amazing person ever. She has been entirely ruined by a 15 year marriage with a narcissistic a-hole. She has allowed it to ruin her relationship with me, her only child and her grandchildren. Its so sad. She was all we has.

@AmandaAdkins-wf3eu Год назад

This is not the generation for good hearted ppl ❤

@dark7angel456 5 месяцев назад

I refrain from loving or feeling deeply for anybody anymore besides animals because of the pain that was caused to me most of the time building something deep just for it to get complicated afterwards... Or because of exploitative people that just want to break my spirit and not look back on me and kind of just ghost me until I'm forgotten and abandoned once again. Every time I love something these people consider it a threat and try to destroy anything I love which is completely horrifying and confusing. Most of my life was made up of bread crumbs and stonewalling and neglect. I always feel fragmented...

@JagoShogun Год назад

I didn't finish this video yet. The comments have me sad. But I hope you all find people who are charitable and love you how, and as you are. Ego is very dangerous.

@sinequanon5586 2 месяца назад

Love is a loaded word. It's each person's definition of love that makes all the difference. Some people define love as the ability to control. If they say, 'I love you', it really means 'I control you'. As long as you go along with that, you're a "good boy". Question it, and you're 'rebellious'. Reject it, and it means you don't 'love' them anymore. Yeah. Damn right.

@onepneuma8612 Месяц назад

…or that you’re “pushing them away” 🙄

@happylindsay4475 Год назад

I really appreciate how you differentiated between capacity to love and some of the reasons that prevent the self awareness needed to learn new habits/ methods how to be loving. I think both of my parents were on the narcissistic spectrum. Both had traumatic childhoods etc. The language you used gave me permission to acknowledge both their hurtful, painful behavior, and also the reasons why they behave the way they do- in a way that humanizes the experience of dealing with narcissistic people and what persons displaying a more narcissistic orientation/organization are going through. Thank you

@DrDanielFox Год назад

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

@pixelmotte Год назад

From my experience I would disagree with the klischee, that narcissistic parents always want their children to be perfect and be a straight A student. There is a conflicting interest of wanting to live out a fantasy of success through your children, but also to feel superior to them and see them fail compared to you, or at least not see them overtake you. My parents wanted my younger brothers to be successful and get good grades, but wanted my older brother and me not to be too successful. When I was allowed to be successful, it was under the condition, that I don't get a higher education than my mother and that she can feel responsible for my success, there was only being average with her help, or failing on my own. Her "help" also wasn't actually helpful, it was just advice that I should work at a supermarket or become a cook, or just putting random job offers from the newspaper on the table/fridge without even looking through them, so I didn't even have the qualifications for most of them, or they were too far away.

@DrDanielFox Год назад

It’s only the identified child, not all children. Hope you found the video helpful.

@lizvtaz6 Год назад

@@DrDanielFox Sometimes npd only has one child. I am the only child of npd mother. It's true there is a conflict there. When I was growing up she had very high expectations and was convinced that I am going to achieve a lot. But when I became an actual adult and really started to achieve things, she became very cold and started to downright verbally compare her achievements with mine stating that she has achieved more. This happens.

@leapsill1969 Год назад

Great video… unfortunately so many people with high narcissistic traits don’t think they need help or anything to work on. Very frustrating

@pixelmotte Год назад

I was told, that my father did a narcissism test and it was negative and now he is 100% convinced, he can't be a narcissist, just because of his self reporting in one single online test.

@ecohumanism Год назад

It's still hard to draw the line, because most people display not very good behaviors time to time, and narcs are good at mimicry. For me it will take a considerable amount of time to say how toxic someone is, unless they are outright overt and malignant

@DrDanielFox Год назад

True, time tells but stay objective and true to yourself.

@EstherH85 Год назад

Real love comes with a sense of vulnerability. Narcissists can only live within the shallow

@musicbrazilian7065 Год назад

In a narcissistic relationship the love I give has no reciprocity, it is all about her or him and it is devoided of any meaning it feels shallow. I dont miss them neither as friends nor as my family members.

@DrDanielFox Год назад

Sounds like you’ve developed some really good insight now can certainly help you not only see your relationships but see yourself within those relationships. I wish you all the best.

@musicbrazilian7065 Год назад

@@DrDanielFoxI think I have been subcounsciously attracting people like my parents. I am in therapy and I hope to get rid of these tendencies to learn to recognise ill behaviors and bring to my life healthier folks. I wish more people would go to therapy. Your videos are very helpful, you have a no judgmental aproach which make us feel comfortable. Thank you.

@Thenamelessnarcissist Год назад

As someone diagnosed with NPD and who makes content about living with it, I assure everyone we can genuinely love, at least in our own way. It's more that we can't trust that anyone could love us, so we avoid vulnerability at all costs. Sometimes we rationalize that feeling, but sometimes we're acutely aware of it. I've lost a lot of people who I really cared about because I was not willing to show my love for them out of fear of rejection. I know I made people feel unwanted and unloved, but it wasn't intentional and it wasn't the reality of the situation

@lilyjane1011 8 месяцев назад

I subscribed to your channel and I think your content is really great. I love listening to you and your guests I Come from a narcissist family and have met plenty along the way. My mental health is bad as a result. I have to say that your awareness is impressive and when I watch you, I can't stop but think how your sensitivity and vulnérability IS palpable...things I have never experienced with the narcissists I have met, except when they are manipulating. The emotions you show have another flavour. I must admit I find it hard to believe that narcissists can love... I am a "narcissist magnet"..I am cringing as I am writing that. If you have any content about that, please let me know. I'm all ears. Funny enough, there have been instances when I thought I attracted some because I reprensented a challenge... I do reject them though as soon as the mask slips off. Sending you love from France. Take Care. I'm off to your channel as soon as I am done with that one.

@jackiegrice714 Год назад

This is a fascinating-and important subject Dr. Fox. I have no doubt narcissists are capable of love, but the question to ask when considering a relationship with one is, can they love YOU well. Frequently, the answer is no.

@ValerieMarsh-nx5qr 10 месяцев назад

This was super helpful thank you!!!

@Jen-zn9nf Год назад

Man, I really could have used this before I stayed 10 months in therapy with a narcissistic psychologist. It's only in the last few weeks (I walked away 6 months ago) that I realized what happened with the help of a fantastic new therapist. What's even more insidious is that she's a trauma specialist working with folks who have BPD and PTSD, which she diagnosed me with. She abused her power and twisted DBT concepts to explain away our poor rapport as simply a manifestation of my BPD or trauma symptoms. Each time I expressed my feelings and asserted my needs, it resulted in deflection, denial, and reversal of blame. For example, if I used the DEARMAN DBT skill to tell her that I felt angry and hurt when she interrupted my trauma processing to talk about pop culture or gripe about her mother-in-law, she responded by saying that SHE felt disrespected, incompetent, and rejected because of my (overly nice imo) feedback. It was my fight response to trauma (I'm a freezer or fawner...). When I'd ask her to tell me how I could respond more kindly and mindfully, she wouldn't answer. She was "just letting me know" how she felt yet insisted that I needed to validate her too if I was to expect validation from her. She'd suggest that maybe this was simply my push-pull relationship dynamics (which I don't have with anyone but her and my narcissistic mother) and never let go of that theory no matter what I'd say. She'd use whatever vulnerabilities I'd revealed to her to better understand and help me as a weapon in conflict, and she was clear that she expected me to take care of her emotional and ego needs. She was extremely pushy, undermining my consent and self-determined therapy goals if they weren't in alignment with her opinion. She constantly brought up her worries about clients "ghosting" her and thought I was going to do that too when I'd get rightfully upset with her lack of empathy. She reminded me of how much extra outside work she was doing for me and promised to never abandon me. She broke DBT phone coaching protocol by having absolutely no boundaries or limits, which just enhanced my dependency on her. I felt I owed her for the special attention I was getting. I felt so crazy by the end of it that I started creating written requests to her and making memos to myself to document reality. During every conflict, I would back off, apologize, and blame myself for my apparent "resistance." And, of course, as soon as I started shaming myself, she'd turn back around and provide me with encouraging words about being kind to myself. It was a total mindfuck that severely damaged my perception of DBT (I thought the techniques were manipulative instead of her) and further deepened my issues with self-invalidation and distrust of people in power. I still don't have clarity of what my diagnos(es) even is/are anymore. Since we have so much in writing, I'm planning to compile it for a licensing board report for emotional exploitation and harm (I restarted self-harming and nearly killed myself), but I'm worried she'll leverage those stereotypes within the profession to convince the board that I'm just another "difficult" BPD client.

@cass_sorrel Год назад

Dang. I'm sorry you went through that. Especially in what was supposed to be a therapeutic relationship.

@LindaSaffioti Год назад

Pls do report. So much abuse behind closed doors.

@dubaiedge Год назад

There are definitely some real messed up therapists out there. She sounds completely dreadful. Sorry you went through that. Sounds like you're clear on her nutso dynamics she put on you at least. Good luck

@4hisglory365 4 месяца назад

Your channel is really helping me to understand this condition.

@DrDanielFox 4 месяца назад

I'm glad to hear that my channel is making a difference for you!

@garykeating4964 10 месяцев назад

Thank you so much for your insight

@DrDanielFox 10 месяцев назад

You are so welcome

@My_klei Год назад

Totally agree 🙏 thanks

@shidehhafezi6826 11 месяцев назад

My mother is s narcissistic and I only realized this a few months ago. I lived with her for a long time. Now I am trying to reverse the damage. She still dismisses my feeling, yet she is very sensitive

@Dsgabi456 Месяц назад

How can you love if you don’t love yourself. When you’re uncapable of seeing others as tbey are and only mirrors people. When you project all the time when you split? I thought I felt love. Ive never had. I needed suply, validation, praize, and the second the other person did one little thing I didn’t like the punishiment began. That is not love. I am in treatment though and I am learning and I hope one day I can build a real bond, respectful relation with someone else.

@cbeshorern 5 месяцев назад

It amazes me, I worked at a state hospital and the professional teams were so derogatory toward severe BPD. Like we were mandated to ignore this PT at all costs. She was intubated previously and I ordered a soft diet for her due to oral trauma. I was counseled by admin as I was showing her we could be manipulated. " She spent her life eating things, getting her stomach pumped and surgeries, her mouth can't hurt her that bad". I resigned shortly after. Wtf

@DrDanielFox 5 месяцев назад

It's truly disheartening to hear about the lack of empathy and understanding in the professional teams at the state hospital. Your dedication to providing proper care and advocating for your patient is commendable. It's important to stand up for what you believe in, even if it means making difficult decisions like resigning. Keep fighting for compassionate healthcare!

@cbeshorern 5 месяцев назад

@@DrDanielFox I struggle and hide as best as I can with sx on this spectrum. I don't think kindness and respect is too much to ask. But it definitely reinforces my own fear in disclosing. I have ADHD/ anxiety ....this isn't completely true but it's "socially acceptable" and less stigmatizing in professional circles. Everyone's on Vyvanse nowadays🤦. I will always advocate for my patients- psychotic, ASPD, BPD, dissociative d/o, NPD- I don't care what anyone says- these are all traumatic responses. We just keep inflicting more trauma onto them is essentially validating their negative core content. Sedating humans then discharging them saying their cured is not helpful nor sustainable once discharged. If it was cancer we wouldn't just dish out palliative support meds and not treat the cancer! We wrap around cancer patients providing palliative support, emotional support, home health, education, family support. We would never say "well you have lung cancer- here's some cough syrup, Xanax, and zofran for nausea. Good luck to ya!" Mental illness, especially those with PD, take their own lives daily! Whether direct suicide or "suicide on the installment plan"-aka drug/etoh dependence, od, domestic violence, reckless driving, HIV, hep c. I mean, good gravy! Thank goodness professionals like you are changing the tide! Hopefully a truly trauma informed model of care will emerge in mo/KS soon! Ty!!

@dizzytel Год назад

The movie Renfield is a fun y depiction of this 😆

@A.JayWeber Год назад

Hey Dr. Fox this is off topic but its time sensitive. I am in music production school full time. I recently needed to find work. I got a call for an immediate hire. Good news! nope. I started to sob. Why? (I have Adhd BPD ) ( lessening PTSD as far as i know 😊) THANKS

@newanas5271 Год назад

Dr can you make a video analogy of Steven Crowder with his wife.

@MySpaceDxC_Suffo_AtTheGates 7 месяцев назад

I have 2 of them and bpd. Thanks! And yes! They don’t like each other and divorced. Lmao

@matthewbarnes2167 Год назад

I separated from my narcissistic spouse about a year ago. We have 2 children together that we Coparent. Do you have any videos or resources you can recommend for ways I can best help my kids navigate their narcissistic parent?

@DrDanielFox Год назад

I have several videos on narcissistic parents you might find helpful.

@alphadog3384 Год назад

Please clarify the difference between the Narcissist traits (personality) and Borderline Personality. Core differences. Thank you.

@TerryGuzmanMartinez Год назад

Agree. I have some doubts too.

@pollynunnally5863 Год назад

Not even the same thing at all. Narcissists are intentionally evil but give crumbs to keep your attention....borderline are the ones being abused..

@pollynunnally5863 Год назад

Childhood emotional neglect and abuse...without self esteem and not knowing how to deal with abuse makes people crazy..imagine being a child. I remember the neglect and smears as a CHILD..From my mother and and two sisters 15 and 19 years older....how do you grow up right in that environment? I consider myself normal..I knew they didnt like my light and me resisting their control...narcissists dont love. They find the ones who want love..their mistake is undermining our truths and our strengths! They rage because you dont comply, they dont want to be bothered with what you want or need..they're very careful who they allow to see their evil forced on their wife, daughter or sister. Cortisol runs rampant until your brain cant take anymore and the adrenals run out of cortisol and aldosterone....all ive known were narcissistic relationships. I went from a healthy pretty 58 year old woman who looked younger..to a 108 lb skeleton in a few months. Cortisol cannibalized my lean muscle..no appetite..Addison's disease..inflammation and leaky gut. I'm a HSP and feel everything deeply..blamed myself for years and disease finally found me and no choice but to keep living in the toxic environment..my ex husband and his mother were narcissists to me..his mother didnt like me and backed up his abuse effecting me..but even til this day, no one believes me..I kept silent about it my whole life til a few years ago when I noticed I felt sick and wired..and no one cared. They're all narcissists in my family. I'll be 65 in August. .have to see endocrinologist then when I get Medicare. I'm self treating..I love Dr Fox..he knows what hes talking about.

@TerryGuzmanMartinez Год назад

@@pollynunnally5863 But, do you have BPD? Maybe you have CPTSD.

@thereisnosanctuary6184 Год назад

He has umpteen videos about that. Look them up. My opinion is narcs are the safest version of a psychopath and borderlines the 'safest' sociopath. Not much impulse control with borderlines. They are all about their feelings and will engage in embarrassing displays, whereas narcs van still have the volatile outbursts, but are mote concerned, in fact, terrified of " keeping up appearances" Narcs have much more of an investment in the outside world and their own place in it, and will react quite horribly if that is threatened. Maybe violence, maybe slander, maybe abandonment. Borderlines don't abandon. They can't.

@MichNative01 3 месяца назад

They LOVE to CONTROL you and your life, especially if you never say no to them!!! Thats how they love.

@DrDanielFox 3 месяца назад

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Be well

@thereisnosanctuary6184 Год назад

Really sick of the word toxic bandied about. I have an actual toxic person I'm related to.

@pixelmotte Год назад

If someone is more toxic than others, that doesn't make less toxic people non-toxic.

Год назад

ypu are describing women (need for admiration) not narcissism. there is no difference?

@DrDanielFox Год назад

I have to push back on that splitting perspective and overgeneralization. I don’t believe that there is any one group that falls into a particular category to make up 100% of a particular mental illness.

Год назад

@@DrDanielFox The more I watch and learn about bpd/npd, the more I see ther is no bpd/npd in women. It is FEMINTY ON THE SPECTRUM. That`s all. I know it is not a popular opinion. But if you add 2+2 then you know it.

Год назад

@@DrDanielFox So there is no mental ilness among women. It is FEMININITY