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It sucks to have gone decades without realizing my parents emotionally neglected me until now. What sucks even more is to know that my brother didn’t experience the neglect. It’s like dealing with external and internal gaslighting. My parents will always believe that they were there for me, and they were physically present, but they weren’t emotionally. I watched my brother experience all the things I wish I could have. It felt like I just wasn’t good enough for them to care. Going through internal family systems therapy has made me realize just how layered my trauma has been, and it’s just been trauma after trauma. My recent ex made me realize that I have ALWAYS picked partners like my parents: physically there for me, but not emotionally. I’ve only felt comfortable to be vulnerable with one person as it’s always been used against me or completely disregarded. That person was my grandmother. She passed away years ago and it still hurts. I miss that beautiful big smile she had as soon as she saw me, with the biggest hug like I was the only other person in this world. She made me feel so special when I was made to feel otherwise. When we were together, we were inseparable. I was her Barbie Doodle. Without her here, my world feels dull, and I am back to feeling invisible again. I love my brother and my parents dearly, and I do everything I can for them, but I sure would love to know that what I do matters, and that I matter, and it shouldn’t be when I’m at my lowest of lows. I work my butt off for even the slightest recognition and I’m left following breadcrumbs, but the trail just gets longer and longer. It’s exhausting, and I’d love to not feel this way, but at the same time I’m scared of not feeling this way. It’s all I’ve ever known. My loneliness is the greatest source of pain, but also the greatest source of comfort. Sorry for this really long comment open to a bunch of strangers, but there’s no one to share this with other than strangers.
I feel like you were speaking to me. I went through the exact same and lost my grandmother a few years back and looking back I feel like I didn’t realize that she was the only person in the world who was actually there for me
The last paragraph sized it up for you. You apologize for explaining yourself. I've done the same thing for damn 70 years. What my parents saw is me defending myself from my older brother and siblings. Because I made sure I defended myself in front of someone else to make it a fair fight. I peed the bed until my senior year in high school. Because my senior year I had the bedroom to myself because my one year older bullying brother moved out and my dad out of state working my whole senior year. But it is the last part of a persons life is when he realized that emotional strength starts as a child. Incidentally, I was a member of the third pregnancy. A twin, 3 1/2 hours after my twin sister, one of the flying monkey.
My therapist recommended you. I’m 47 and still feel stuck from the childhood trauma of emotional abuse & neglect. I helped raise my sister (5 years younger) and took care of my mom’s emotional needs (including being her marriage counselor). I hid my own needs because it was safer. I’m desperately trying to stop.
@juliettemay2666 I love this, not that you're suffering but that you're desperate to stop!! I am now 41 and am deeply deeeeply encouraged that you're 47 and exploring some of this material came up at the start of my time with my trauma counselor, and I *truly* hope these pieces are stepping stones to healing support- as I am accessing new places heal and the change of perspective that IS resilience and real Life(life-giving Life)! Bless you and all THE Best to you. 🙏🌞🕊
Yes I needed to "fend for myself" while my mother made sure i couldn't do that. When I did anyway she completely sabotaged me and destroyed any confidence i could have acquired.
Thank you, doctor That's pitty that I found I was emotionally neglected in childhood by my parents at my age 64 I think I have to start here whether my family was narcissistic or just dysfunctional Thank you for posting this video
I saw the first book in a book fair a few days ago. The title gave me goosebumps because I came to this definition of my state by myself and never discussed it with anyone. That’s how I felt all of my life.
thats funny. the same thing happened to me. word for word. thought i invented the term.. seriously though- i've read 100's of self help books, but never saw any mention of CEN. good luck on your journey! we should have a secret handshake or something so we can recognize each other and give a hug
I struggled so much with my mom i felt i was never happy and i knew from a young age i was alone she would've let me or siblings do anything and when i developed my own personality She was always coming down hitting verbal abuse and as an adult everyone I've met in my life whether it be therapists/counsellors or randoms have all said they see the great happy person that i so struggle to be still today i never laugh and rarely smile i feel it was taken and i just don't know how to act or who i am still.
Number 3 thing to do in the meantime of healing from childhood emotional neglect is stop being a narcissist and stop destroying people's lives that cared about you to gain your own advantage and profit 🙂
All of my childhood emotions were labeled as being angry. I was the child who was « always angry » and my mom would just laugh at me. I guess that the angry emotion was the only one she could deal with…well, sort of.
Now I’m mimicking the same in the relationship with my husband….now I’m stuck and don’t know how to get my needs met…..I’ve always felt alone but the questions and reflection I’ve been doing it for years and am over it NOW WHAT ….nobody ever says …nobody has a solution ….this video name is misleading it didn’t say one thing about HOW TO…..the name should be recognition of your trauma cuz that’s all she talked about
Because of the early life pattern that had us functioning in certain patterns, we may have actually attracted a life partner looking for that because it would be so beneficial to them. So you are right, now what? To begin with you’ve got to get a lot stronger to stand your ground, (without tears, without yelling, etc). Abuse will not fix this. You cannot fix the other person. You can only work on you. They either will or will not meet your needs. You will have to be prescriptive about exactly what you want. For instance. For my birthday I’d like fresh flowers, dinner out, and my favorite *blank*. And be prescriptive as much as possible. Their reaction and behavior and follow through, if any, will let you know if there is any hope. If there is not, consider whether you want to continue in the marriage. Either way, work on yourself to understand codependency and enmeshment and learn to make boundaries, be prescriptive, and when you actually do receive something, learn to and try to enjoy it because we often feel hurt when we get what we want because now we feel guilt, etc. It can be so self sabotaging. This is a very complex internal and external problem. It requires thought, perception, self awareness, and having to do uncomfortable things to put any of it right. Mostly because it is such a departure from what we did as kids to be okay. I hope some of this helps.
@@TheQueensWish thanks for the reply…..my point is I’m tired of,telling him what to do I don’t want to all the time he feels like my child and I look out for his best interests but he doesn’t look out for mine mentally, physically or emotionally either. I’ve been working on for a couple of years now and he has no interest in any growth so it keeps me kind of stuck at ,east that’s how it feels maybe I just give him to much power
@@KellySnow it’s not unusual for women to work on things for years and wait for improvement. When they finally do end it, the former spouse often says they didn’t see it coming when there were plenty of warning signs. You are stuck if you’re not ready to end it. Most men don’t want the marriage to end because it benefits them too greatly and they are lazy. So don’t expect he will change or make the first move to give you a way out. Are you strong enough to get out of this? If he isn’t into you or his marriage, what’s left? Stuckville. I get it. You didn’t get into this to get out of it. But as you said it’s been years and he’s like a child. Most people move on to happier lives when it’s over, even if they’re on their own. Sure, you can’t get the years back, but the misery is gone.
@@TheQueensWish I am strong enough to do it and leave but my issue is that I know he’s not a bad guy he’s just not available in any way and I’m left wondering why it’s not good enough for me wishing I could get to the unconditional love part and deepening into my practices here I mean…..Ive let go of my neediness, let go of being desired or pretty …let go of even being a woman, I don’t even feel female around him I just feel rejected or ambivalent….its like he has set me as his all inclusive family…like I’m his cousin or sister and we just happen to be living together ….kts like he just wants to be somewhere with someone so he doesn’t feel alone it’s not necessarily me he even likes he just likes it better not being alone….ne says he loves me but it’s not that I think he’s just with me out of fear
