i wish we had an online community for infjs from all over the world, where we could connect with one another and support each other. Its so challenging to be in this world as an infj and doing it alone.
I like the way you pointed out that our extraverted feeling kicks in when we are with people and we have to be alone to engage our introverted intuition as well as our introverted thinking to it's maximum potential.
I really liked it too but I'd like to point out that the Extraverted Feeling kicking in when we're with people is also what makes us attentive to different perspectives to collect it and think about others' view some times later when we're alone with our Introverted Intuition and Introverted Thinking. It's what allows us to keep enough objectivity in our reflexions and to confront these collected perspectives to our own perspective and to others to come to conclusion. It's the Extraverted Feeling that keeps us more broad and open-minded in our reflexions by introducing these new elements cause we can stay stuck in our minds trying to come to conclusion without enough diverse opinions or informations otherwise despite our strong capacity for deep thinking. So our Extraverted Feeling participates to make our deep Introverted Intuition+ Introverted Thinking reflexions more fruitful.
People I meet once frequently tell me their life story and reveal their deepest regrets or insecurities. They often cry as well.. even if they are just checking me out at a grocery store 🤷🏼♀️
Yep. That's true over here. 🙋♀️ Lady checked me out at the grocery store and spilled her family drama about her mom and brother. Felt like a full on counseling session. 😅
Yeah, totally relate, I can’t remember who exactly, but there’s this quote from a philosopher to the effect of “no matter how complex the problem, walking solves it” (butchered). Think it might have be Kierkegaard?
INFJ here - you are spot on. The extroverted feeling (sensing the emotions of others) isn't something I can turn off - lol I wish it had a toggle mode!! I also regularly have moments of seemingly knowing things out of nowhere, due to the Ni, Fe, Ti. I often end up in leadership roles because of my personality, but that same personality makes me susceptible to malignant narcissists. I also scare away most potential mates, because my nature tends to acts as a mirror of the shadow sides of others (without any discussion on the topic- its literally just the energy of my character).
That’s literally it. We are mirrors of others’ shadows… we don’t necessarily act the same way as them (for example yelling back) but we just stand there like a blank mirror and they can see how bad they are acting which shames them and even makes them more angry 🙃
About the first topic, totally real. At work, I am frustrated when we have to build a document or a text in a group with everybody contributing simultaneously. I feel that I'm almost dumb because can't articulate my ideas, my mind goes blank with all the talking. But when I sit alone to rethink and write that same document, my mind just goes super fast and analytical and I can come up with great ideas, and see almost all the errors. It's fascinating
You mentioned, i need to focus on myself just as valuable as ithers feelings. I focus on myself when i am in nature, meditating and praying and telling God hiw i feel his the only o e who doesn't care about my snotty nose
Your point about our best thinking is done alone is spot on. I do a lot of post-processing therapy stuff after meeting with clients to connect all the dots and sum everything up (which is why it can take me time to do detailed tasks such as completing notes). Most often, group study or brainstorming sessions completely block my ability to think conclusively and discern/decipher. It can be difficult to tune out the group to be completely detached (like I find an INTP can do). Spot on stuff. Your second point about our empathy and how we can really tune in to the “whys” or “causes” as part of understanding deeper is usually occurring in a just-so-happened way… I remember my therapy Supervisor having a one-on-one session with me where I was tuning in and asking a question here or there to go deeper and without even realizing it he opened up about so much while crying (serving in Vietnam, his parental relations, his ex-marriage, even his darkest thoughts). We have a knack for “knowing” or finding the lever that often opens the floodgates. It always amazes and inspires my work. Haha and the 3rd point… Tarot (projection mirrors) and MBTI (relationship-couple therapy dynamics) are part of that interconnected process I’m creating. There is usually a purpose for all of my interests. None are just for hobby or “fun”-sake. Life is work… or better, a work of life.
God I love RU-vid, at least sometimes. You just encapsulated a lot of my frustrations. I love the "oddly specific" angle. I would never have described myself as that but it fits, so thanks. I am 63. It took me a long, long time to find out that I was INFJ and even longer to really understand the ramifications. The hardest thing is the dominance of extroversion in most work environments because it makes so many things a constant uphill struggle. With my friendships, what I have found is that the need to understand where they're coming from has meant in the past that I have given a lot and not got much back. Recently I've been giving this a lot of thought as my friendship pool has shrunk to a tiny handful and I would like to find a way to replenish it without simply acquiring a string of acquaintances. It's work in progress. Anyway, many thanks for sharing. I found it very helpful.
RW, hey, I am the same age and I didn't know there was such a thing as INFJ for 60 of those 63 years. The emotional imbalance in relationships has been a constant theme in my life. I have learned to discipline my emotional responses to people, knowing I will not receive what I give jn any equal measure. Perhaps it's the human state, just amplified by our unique, strange and specific traits. What may help is just choosing friends with care and being brave enough to let go when the red flags appear.
This is so insanely accurate that my mouth is still wide open. My whole person just atomized into words😮. To think there are actually simple words to describe and make sense of this. I thank you alchemist.
this is the most on point description of my internal processes, that I've heard from any youtube video so far, I wish I could explain myself as well as you seem to be able to explain me haha.
You're brilliant! I am so happy I found you! I'm an INFJ and God bless you for sharing your insight to help us. Sending love! 🙏💜💖💝 Everything you say is spot on! I am so tired of helping people and getting stabbed for it! I'm a single mom struggling at every level and I tried helping an INFJ PASTOR and he projected his crap and lashed out and used me as an emotional punching bag yesterday! He is the one who reached out to me! I didn't need anything from him! I was trying to give him support for the struggles he's going through with his homework life. I'm not doing this ever again without being paid for giving therapy! I had a female friend also use me for attention always asking for help but refuses everything I suggest just wastes my time and energy and I think she is a narcissist. I have to learn how to hold back my desire to help others and figure out who and how much to offer to someone. Nobody helps me but they want to take everything from me. I'm sick of it. 😑💩
Sorry to hear that, I totally understand. I think sometimes people have so much built up that when they sense that someone can hold that for them they can’t seem to help unleashing all this darkness. Sounds like you’re learning that directly!
INFJ here…going thru a horrific situation with a “pastor”. I’m learning a ton though. Painful as this is I mean Wow! Gaining perspective thru walking a hard road with a narcissistic jerk, is so valuable. I have always given most people passes and benefit of the doubt, been helpful etc…when they turned on me for their own gain…what an education! I know, makes me sound crazy but, this situation has taken me to a different level of understanding. Of course this has gone on for me for two years and at some point I started to see the good arising from the mire. I lost everything too, financially, reputation, everything all because of lies! GREAT! Nowhere to go but up. Things will improve for you. I had to move out of bitter so I could see the better. Sending you love and hugs and know, you are not alone. And if I just sounded crazy it’s probably the excess caffeine I have had this morning 😂
This is so true! I was literally just thinking earlier how I don't think there has been anyone who gets me. Besides my best friend, no one has had what I would call a deep, genuine interest in UNDERSTANDING me.. how I feel. People listen, but it's not the same as how when we as INFJ listen to others. So yeah, it's true we feel we don't get the same level of emotional reciprocation.
I am INFJ, and never thought about the third thing. But it is absolutely true and harsh when you want to find a job. Why? Because I want to take care of all my interests that might seem very different, but for me it is a whole experience. One job is unsatisfactory for INFJ if it not hits the exactly right spot - I think. But to hit the exactly right spot and reasonable salary (and we all know that for INFJ thinking about money is the last thing, but still you won;t escape it, unless you have inheritance or win the lotery) you have to be really lucky one. I am in a place when my job, which I like, is not enough for me, and this feeling won't let go untill I find a solution.
You just created an insightful thread for me. Thank you. What I mean is this: I love R2D2, I’m building a full size R2D2 which requires electronics so I learned electronics, it will need transportation so I built a trailer themed like the millennium falcon (welding, suspension etc), it needs software so I leaned software development and built a career in it. From the outside I look like a person into a lot of stuff 😂 when it was all for my R2D2
I was a school teacher for 30 plus years ( still tutoring) and being an INFJ was fantastic for the classroom. However, I was lost to myself for those 6 1/2 hours! Sometimes I didn't even realize I had a migraine until my students left!
😍You are beyond any doubt the most beautiful person I have ever known. Your understanding of the INFJ thought processes and how they interact within physical reality is flawless, and generally complete. I would thoroughly enjoy meeting you face to face. You are incredible. Please have a glorious day and life. Live long and prosper. 🖖
Point 3! Yes!!!!! My questions have been for a long time: "What is the core common point in all these things (cause I can feel it, I just don't have words) and how do I synthesize it into one thing"? "What is the one thing that is coming through me?"
This was a FANTASTIC find! You pegged it with the "oddly specific" bc as I can see from my compatriots' commentary, we're all feeling pretty seen and validated when we often feel like the emo kid whinging how misunderstood we are!😂 It's so neat how in hearing it externalized, it then allows one to incorporate new techniques and practical application styles now being more aware of the dynamic, if they're so inclined. Thank you so much for this! ❤
Friggin amazing. All of it but especially the synergy of everything… it took me most of my life to figure it out how to live authentically work wise, creative wise, relationship wise, life path wise, home wise
Infj and oh my gosh so incredibly accurate!! You put into words so many things I feel, how I think, and live that people just don't understand. Nailed it!!💯💫
I’m speechless damn the way you expressed and explained everything in detail is so damn true and amazing, thank you for this , it really helps me understand my self alot more and why i sometimes do the things i do when i have no explanations for them
I like the waves analogy. It expresses well how I bring out different aspects of my personality and matching my energy to who I'm interacting with. Calling it acting or faking it isn't quite accurate. The more I know someone the less nice I am and that's a good thing. I worry less about how I come off and can match my outside emotional expression to how I really feel which is comfy.
I have something called "relationship radiation". I, love, to get in relationships with extroverts (due to the drama and polarity difference). The issue, however, is A LOT of narcissists are extroverts (by default) due to their love for the spotlight. As an INFJ, especially a guy, my lack of instant gratification, being bribed by sex and just being stoic (although very friendly and funny); the other party doesn't like this (not used to it). They will, over time, believe I'm not taking the relationship seriously (because I don't instantly gratify or feed their ego). They may think I'm not "sexually" into them and just see them as a friend. All the more, I just continue to be nice & try to help them become better. This becomes a battle where their own paranoia eats away at the relationship. They will harbour insecurities and keep saying "I get it, you are perfect, I am not" (victim blaming) and start to think they are not good enough for me. Even though I never hold grudges, only want them to become better and still say I love and respect them; they get jealous. They will start thinking I'm talking to other people, start to micromanage every aspect of who I'm talking to and their own insecurities and paranoia become their own undoing. Eventually, they start to just make up arguments (to fuel their egos) or try to abuse you (jealous) even though you are in a team. Eventually, they don't even notice but they are covert narcissistically abusing you because they are jealous of your stability and output on life. They will use your darkest secrets and insecurities, against you. Then, once you finally door slam them, they play the victim; smear campaign you; believe all the allegations of cheating (that's why you left..). This then spreads into your immediate personal circle and other narcissistic friends/families/co-workers; will use this against you to further fuel their ego/narcissism. You repeat, do it maybe 3 or 4 times then become a Eunuch and live (as a hermit) in an old lighthouse. Good luck, friends.
Thank you! Very clear and informative and relatable. You're right, we are oddly specific. For us infjs, foreign, we need to hear explanations and understanding and empathies, like you've provided in this video. Esp around 6 min, I really needed to hear that-- ah, that's what my ni is trying to tell me. That "space" you speak of, room to breath for those around me; for when I see the lack there of, in return; it feels suffocating
Cool video, sir. I appreciate the original thought and insight here, well beyond the shallow, repeated content-mill videos so many channels do. Best and peace to you
Very interesting! I related to a lot of what you said in the oddly specific INFP video too; the most resonant in that one was the fluidity of identity (I always have a mini crisis when someone asks what I do or for an artist statement or bio because it feels like it’s different every week) and in this one it was the need to synergise interests. I have said it in so many words multiple times - I think the best realisation of my selfhood would be to bring it all together and I definitely love just dreaming about it. Also, the imbalance in relationships for sure - always feel like I am better able to listen and hold space (which translates to eye contact, not checking my phone etc) than others are for me so I tend to quickly condense whatever I have to say or am feeling or have experienced. Thank you for the opportunity to reflect!
Another oddly specific INFJ thing. Try to explain a really fascinating thing and appreciate a delicious meal at the same time. It's so hard to engage Ni and Se at the same time. Like reading and listening to someone talk.
As I listened while multitasking, I was saying "yes" at various points you made, "yes". Now, you did all the talking and I felt like I had whole conversations with you although I only replied, "yes".😂😂 "Synergizing my interest." "Yep Yep."🔥🔥🔥 I'm dealing with that relationship piece right now and man is it difficult. Some people who are trying to help don't understand "capacity." Having enough capacity to help. Living with people like this frustrate me because their way of living and thinking interferes and spues over into my sphere. They refuse to change and run from the council I can provide to help us all but they can't handle facing thier own life. Then, if you dont express yourself to them, here comes the backfire, resentment. 🙄 And the cycle continues. Aww man 😟.. it gets real but videos like these help me by shining light in a known yet dark space. Thanks.🔥🔥🔥🔥
Wow, this is very accurate. Full marks on all. Intuitively I notice it and struggle to connect the dots, but here you make it so concise and to the point. Thank you very much! Much appreciated!
These are absolutely accurate. Especially the third piece. Combining everything into one mandala or tapestry. I love that! And it's a bitch for my mental health and making sense of life on earth. 😅
I loved your video ❤ Very informative and also provided a lot of empathy towards myself as an INFJ. I've felt seen and understood, especially related to your second idea. There are so many people that are not wired to think like we do, they don't think of the cause very much and don't know how to hold space, which is why I sometimes feel like I am never being held space for. I guess a solution for this would be to find other people (maybe other INFJs) that can and want to hold space for me the same way I am holding space for the previous people. And never to assume that the people I am holding space for will be capable to hold space for me. This can be resolved through communication and stating my wants and needs and seeing if the other person is fine with providing that for me or not
Good insights! Finding the right people, or the right way to connect with people who aren’t intuitive is really challenging. But so rewarding. We all have something to offer one another! I’d love to hear what you think about the full INFJ video (it’ll be done tonight or tomorrow)!
Daaaang. By which I mean... Daaaang 😹 Encapsulates so much of what I struggle with and, since I am older, what has worn me out after so many decades. Thank you for the understanding!
Yes but, as I see it, the underlying connection to all things is, meaning (Fe?) applied to all external objects. Rather than just trying to make friends with the human zoo world. Essentially the Jung (INFJ) quote.
I think it would be beneficial to us INFJs if you can tie in what is it about our best compatible partners (i.e. ENTPs and ENFPs) that not only holds our interests but facilitates, if not accelerates our personal growth. And as a bonus material, how to spot them in the wilds and where to find them. I just subscribed to your channel, fascinating and profound insights... thank you!
Finally figured out I have Autism. What an enormous enlightenment !!! All of the things I knew were connected but didn’t know how, aaaallllll make sense now !! I am much nicer to myself !! Far less self flagellation !! My daughter dropped by unexpectedly yesterday but I was in Mad Scientist mode and i refused her entry to my apartment. I was creating and it was a disaster. I was high on adrenaline and endorphins and we chatted briefly and she left. I’m so glad I stood my ground. Not now !!! Seriously, not fucking now !!! I’m BUSY !!
I didn't expect to just start crying during this video. Very rare to hear an experience that really mirrors my own. Hearing you describe it and seeing "Ni, Ti" flicker onto the screen was like: 🥹 Home! I know that place, and it's been too long. I rarely get any solitude these days because of circumstances. Just knowing someone knows what that place is is a solace of its own. Great video, you did so well. Wish you all the best!
Thank you for validating me !!!! I have tried all my life to be just like "most people", & always failed, & felt bad about that. DEFINITELY have felt most of my relationships are one sided.
Wow I listen to alot of this type of content and this has been the best explanation yet! Clear to the point on something that can feel so complex within my mind
i feel so dumb when talking in groups bc nothing can come out of my mouth i'm too focused on the other ppl and im bad at multitasking, if i say something decent i have rehearsed it beforehand lol
I don't like putting people in boxes, i believe i if i dont see someone individually then i have not done justice to thier companionship. I believe human a the most beautiful creatures on Earth and they deserve some attention.
