Stage 1. Often spilling out insatiability about our own life (fix oneself on one particular thing for the dopamine hype and everything falls apart) Stage 2. When we hit a burnout point we seclude ourselves (we don't do emotional processing and when we reach a point our body cant take it anymore we cut ourselves off from the outer world) Stage 3. ruminate heavily over either past or future (spend time obsessively to find one thing wrong in the past or try to construct a perfect future) Stage 4. Excessive cleaning and super organised behaviour to assume having control over things leads to closing ourselves off from dynamics of living life (cut off life force) tendency to completely dissociate into fantasy land me who's been living in this loop for a while and thought that's what personal development feels like :p obsessed w an idea and a lifestyle, cutting myself off from the present and focusing on a perfect future while still trying to figure out where did I go wrong, always pressuring myself to do a 100 things in a day and have a strong tendency to go into the fantasy land then come back and process everything the same way that's when im slowly realising I'm going nowhere. I've been feeling stuck lately.
I’m exactly the same. I know I need to get a job. It would fix almost everything, money, social energy, something positive to focus on, maybe even friendships. But I’ve just been sitting at home as a stay at home Mom which I’m not satisfied with and doing the same boring routine. Im scared that I’ve been out of work for to long and can’t make myself sit down to work on my resume.
I was stuck in this exact loop for 5 years. I was dealing with a lot of shame and difficulties with what I thought I had to do rather than what came easy to me. It all fixed itself kinda magically when I found confidence in myself. From there I started recognizing my strengths and talents and also felt comfortable injecting them into the world. Everything built to that and I started finding a lot of success through actualizing. New chapter of my life.
I have a lot of guilt and shame around prioritizing my needs over the people around me. Often time that manifests when I totally blow past the warning signs that I need to slow down and sit with myself and my internal world for a time. I appreciate you taking the time to put forth a few signposts for this nearsighted traveler :'). As a newly, self-typed, ENFP I have found your work welcoming and invaluable. You truly are a gifted guide and a very relatable and authentic human being. Thank you for all that you do!
100% agreed, especially Heidi’s points around hyper attention to every little thing. As an ENFP, I’ve learnt to steer clear of overdoing house chores during stressful times as it only ripples into a need to overdo everything else in my life. We can be so, so hard on ourselves and it’s okay - we just need to notice when it’s happening and talk to ourselves like a best friend would, like “Hey let’s go for a walk” or “Here’s your favourite song, time for a quick dance party!”
I'm an enfp as well and what I have found is that food is what I end up controlling when I'm struggling. Sugar is out. Meat gets thrown out. Just cause I need to be in control. This was a very relatable video well done Ms. Heidi
I'm an ENFP-T I was a work-aholic in my early 20's... That can be an issue very easily for me. Emotional overload can lead to a total mental shutdown... I find that workaholism can be a serious sign off depression for any type not just us ENFP types...
I'm realizing recently that I'm not _nearly_ as proactive as the common "ENFP consensus of general energy levels" for lack of a better term, and I'm pretty sure it's because of ADHD. I have inattentive ADHD, and I feel like the way I experience energy levels and motivation is very different. 9:41 AHA! That's what it is. I think that since I have inattentive ADHD, I hit my "burnout point" sooo much faster than the average ENFP. Because of executive dysfunction, my brain gets very easily overwhelmed, hence why I often feel like "I'm so tired despite doing absolutely nothing." Last year in particular, I was probably in that "burnout state" for an entire year, and spent it mostly in my bed watching RU-vid videos and playing games, shoving away the confrontation of the depression and instead thinking "what if im just more introverted?". Over the summer, I went to a church camp for a week and I almost didn't go. I was tired, and didn't really feel like going through the stress of interacting with more people. I only went because a friend invited me, and I hadn't seen her in a while. This camp turned out to be the first time I was genuinely content with my life, and the first time I felt comfortable sharing my Fi with people. I have never met people who were so free of judgement and so full of empathy in my entire life. The counselors were amazing, and since they were college kids and not someone's mom they were easy to talk to and joke around with. This camp was the first time I felt comfortable with a routine, and my ADHD symptoms regarding time management and keeping routines were very much suppressed. It wasn't until I came back home, stopping back into old habits, that I was like "why do I feel like crap?" And then I was like "oooooh.... depression. About time I figured this out 😂." Would've been real nice to know earlier on that I had been very much depressed for the better part of 5 years, but hey better late than never. I really appreciate all that you added about dopamine, and it's very interesting how that relates to ADHD. Most people with ADHD have a natural deficiency in dopamine, so we crave anything that gives us stimulation. As kids, we are often the "bookworms" and "kids who are constantly drawing" because that satisfied our dopamine deficiency. As we get older, we are exposed to things that are more stimulating and abuse those things instead. For me, this is definitely my phone, but for some people it can be a dangerous path to addiction. Without chasing this dopamine, we don't have enough of it to keep us from being depressed, but by chasing it we neglect all responsibility and then become depressed because of that. It's a never-ending, agonizing loop. Taking what I learned from that camp and the words from the counselors I should probably pay them for because holy crap that was some cheap therapy, I figured I should design a routine that is easy to remember+keep, keeps me from stopping into chasing dopamine, and is rewarding enough that it gives me the dopamine I would have otherwise gotten. The crazy thing about this is I literally just used sticky notes and a fun little pen. Makes me mad that it was that simple. After painstakingly reorganizing my room (it was so awful, I was incredibly stressed the whole time and never knew what to do, I was paralyzed with indecision), I got a little pack of colorful sticky notes. Every time I have a task to complete, I write it on the note and stick it on the wall or a whiteboard. By putting in extra effort to make it look neat and nice not only are they enjoyable to make, but increases the chance that I will remember to make them and keep them. When I finish one, I take it off the whiteboard which gives me a dopamine boost. Slowly but surely, I'll get rid of this gosh dang depression :)
100% I had to move cities and stop working for 3 months and be a hermit to 'heal' and just do nothing to take myself out of burnout and overdrive. Best thing I ever did.
So I was listening to the “I Hear You” podcast episode on Validation because during a disagreement a friend told me I need to learn the difference between acknowledging vs validating someone’s feelings. While listening to the podcast I realized….not only was I not validating her feelings, but I also was not validating my own. All of the ignoring feelings and shoving them out of the way is such a terrible thing to do to someone and I’ve been doing it to myself for years, decades even. Even just him saying that feelings are not negative or positive, they’re just feelings… Sooo much to think about I recommend that podcast!
I came to the same realization! Yes, after learning about introverted feeling congative function tendencies, I've been stonewalling my own feelings for a few decades.
my persona/identity/worth has been built on how exuberant and ambitious i can be. so when i burn out, or even sense in my body that burnout is imminent, it feels shameful! the “me” that exists right now can hardly breathe while being squeezed between the past i’m ashamed of and the future i fear. thank you heidi for the advice to engage with NOW.
I’ve definitely been going through a reclusive period in my time where I’m irritable and want to be left alone and HATE when ppl need things from me especially as a child care taker and a partner. I have been very introverted but not doing the inner work. I use to journal a ton every single day and I have t done that in over a year. I need to go back to my journal to unload all the emotions I have had lent up without having an exit for them. I’m also an enfp with adhd and not even my meds have been helping much. I think it’s time for me to go through y. Feelings and have some ugly crying moments with myself. I keep so much inside without releasing. I do too much ppl pleasing and not enough self validation and boundary setting that all those sad or hurtful and shame and guilt emotions just go in and shut behind a lock and key and sometimes without me knowing. Time do some inner work. Thank you for this video. I haven’t been myself for a while and I know that’s a sign. I haven’t been social or my happy and exciting self for a while. That’s not good for me at all. 😢
I was using professional mental health resources and then added ENFP lessons & resources from Heidi Priebe - so grateful - ENFP wisdom has become a pillar in my health structure by guiding my self-understanding. Now I watch for Grip or Looping signs. We can learn ourselves.
I really appreciate this video. A lot of healthcare providers including psychaitrists don't understand this and could diagnose it as bipolar but it isnt.
I've had bad depression since my mum died about 3 years ago. The situation was rather traumatic for me as i was her sole carer without any family support and had to lose my ENFP nature mostly. Since then I've been highly isolated during the 2 year lockdown, when I usually isolate during depressive times anyway being an ENFP. The obsession with cleaning has been extreme while everything else is overwhelming. So I ignore the important things that worry me and should be sorted as I can't focus and clean for hours until I can sleep. This has been going on for over a year now. While also over thinking a million and one things that has happened over the years while cleaning.
First of all, I'm so sorry, losing your mom is probably the second most painful things in life, specially if you were really really close to her and she was your main support. I know that because i lost mine because of the pandemic and I'm also (probably) and ENFP (or INFP, still unsure). What you describe here it's exactly what I've been feeling since she passed... Getting obsessed with cleaning and doing to occupy the mind (specially the first month, i was crazy cleaning and trying to mantain order because she was the one who took care of everything), secluded myself and was too overwhelmed for many many months (Im still a little overwhelmed to this day) so I block out anything new because i feel like i cant with my life, real world is so difficult and i just cant.. i only want to withdraw and watch videos, play games, be chill... Alone. And people asks themselves what is wrong? Why am i suddenly avoiding them? Since i really cant tell i just do what i feel like doing without knowing my whole life is coming down to pieces. By the time i look around, it just gets worst and i finally start crying and being very emotional and depressed. I do have depression tho.. i even take meds for it. It sucks..
@Sofi Vivian I get it completely. I've done all the same things. How are the meds working for you? A year on and I'm not much better. Still pretty isolated and physically my body isn't been great. Probably the lack of self care has damaged my health wise. Have you thought about speaking to someone?
I’m in a situation where I put my boyfriend first for almost a year and now the relationship is going south and he is pulling away and we have been arguing. Yet I put my whole life on the back burner (my family, friendships, self improvement and personal well-being) because I was obsessed with recreating the beginning of our relationship and I wanted him to be as excited about me as he used to. Now I feel defeated and powerless and like I’m left with nothing.
My mom is an ISTJ. I had to tell her she was depressed and should get it checked out, because she just didn't consider it. The types definitely deal with it differently.
Omg.... once again this was divine timing. I couldn't put it in to words but you did. I realize im chasing so much and leaving so much behind and now feel out of control. Can't wait to talk to my counselor about this!
Wow. I’ve never had my experience of depression so effectively laid out and explained before! I’m truly grateful to be learning this at 19. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! 🙏 Also, it now makes soooo much sense why I’m really struggling at the moment. I’m at stage 3.5. My family is in the middle of moving, and my stuff is scattered between 4 different places at the moment. I don’t have much control over the situation or the spaces I’ve stayed in, and it feels like it has sapped my life force. This video (as well as my friends and therapist) really solidified my decision to settle into my college housing early.
I do the first thing you speak of, constantly learning new things about wellness and healing without stopping to rest like i would need to. I also ate my stress away. That second point made me think i had more of an introverted personality. Like you, i have begun being cleaner and making my bed in the morning after over 30 years of life! heh. it is good to see those clips from the bootcamp, they are comforting memories now :) Wow, i did not realize how much i did things typical of ENFPs! o.o Kinda soothing to know actually. You're a blessing, thanks for changing my life :) The battle is not over though. Tell the truth, i nearly joined one of your more recent bootcamps out of sheer excitement.
Great video as always Heidi. Very measured and reasonable advice tailored specifically to ENFPs, caveated appropriately by acknowledging that this isn't a magic panacea. I will say, further to your comments on how society/economics (read Capitalism) can get in the way of accessing valuable mental health services, that this also (as I'm sure you know) has huge ramifications in terms of achieving that "stable base to explore from" that you talk about as being so necessary. I'm a couple of years older than you and I feel I have spent a lot of time working on various aspects of my life in order to achieve the authenticity I crave, which makes me feel more happy and fulfilled. However, the one constant that drags me down and undermines so much of what I would like to do is the precarious nature of my life, due to insecure work and poverty wages. I could go on forever about why that is more and more the norm for people of our generation and younger, and why late Capitalism requires it, but suffice to say, it's not going away any time soon and it is common for billions of people. I have spent a lot of time pondering the idea of how "well" you can or indeed should be in a sick society, when your material conditions are preventing healthy living or actively harming you. It's a circle I'm not sure can really be squared. For things to change, people need to be unhappy enough to demand it. Unfortunately, we are those people. The best I think we can achieve is perhaps to live as well as we can despite all that, and at least try to kill the policemen in our heads that are always demanding more of us, telling us we need to be happier, better, different. So much of our internal monologue is Capitalist propaganda, so immersed in it have we been since birth. The least we can do is try to take back that mental space for ourselves as much as possible.
This video sounds like it's coming from someone who has been inside my head for the last couple years. I'm stuck in a rut of withdrawing but not processing my emotions right now. Sounds like I need to go find a therapist 😬
I really wish I had found this video sooner. A few shutdowns ago. Thought my personality literally changed. I've lost a lot of friends now😅 The cleaning bit never manifested for me though. Sounds like a healthier outlet than what I was doing.
Lol!! Omg yes totally! I sit around by myself and don't process it. Ugh! God help me! And yes I didn't learn those things, and I'm having a really hard time finding a good therapist.
These symptoms correctly describe both OCD and hypomamia. These are what I experience. Meds help. This raises the question of whether type is related to certain conditions. What Objective Personality discusses on Autism is if the same species. Is it better to insist in talk therapy or is medication as appropriate? You can do 12 step work on emotions with the meds (or therapy). I am all for both. (Some types are also prone to alcoholism - which may excite genetics).
OCD may be a consequence of Si in 4th position. Our great memories lead to rumination. Associated Ne (esp with Fi), can lead to grandiosity. Jungian therapy would likely help, but meds can be lifesaving. Our type may change or be changed by brain chemistry. I had an adrenal tumor that helped lead to bipolar grandiosity. Which came first? Did it matter? Likely not.
Is it bad that I like crawling into a hole that has to do with poetry and sadness? I like trying on different sad feelings that authors are going through. I like nuances to sadness
Omg… this is literally me. Its like the poetry is a product of my sadness, but it also is enabling my sadness in a way because the only times I write really great poems is when I am sad :/ Perhaps we should try and stay away from writing too much sad poetry? I feel like it really makes you spiral
Thank you for your guidance Heidi! If I may request a video topic, ENFP depression in/dealing with COVID, given how much our worlds have changed inc. socially. Having an ENFP survival guide for COVID times would be so lovely ❤️
I was about say, “Heidi Priebe is the Berne Brown of my generation.” But that would be inaccurate, truth is “Heidi Priebe is the Heidi Priebe of my generation.”
Hi my name is Alex and I am a ENFP I have a story to tell and to share and I seen what your RU-vid is all about. I absolutely love it. I been through tough times and I would love to share kind of my way how I coped with it. I have ADHD which affects how I react and do things is very interesting from phychology point of view. I would love to do a video with you and show different ways of doing doing task.
bro fuck you THANK YOU im like in the middle of this fucking video i took notes i got kinda distracted from texting but OMG THOS SHIT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE i was pretty in a bad place mentaly little under year ago now i lately felt like ye how could i ever feel so empty well ysterday i kinda felt dessosiated again and i googled does depressio come back and it sayed yes so im like oh shit helll no i aint going bac so i reseacrhed this and i realized im in the process of burnout like i dont want anything new rylly cuz i litteraly have so mch to process its 😭😭 so much so i just ryly awtch tv and i like started to loose my sense of self now i realized i am just tired so thank u sm i think i will try to ryly process thi shi and come back on top once again frfrfr THANK YOU ❤❤🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 YOU SAVING SO MANY LIVES BRO!!!!!!!!11 i liked and sursrbiced if anyoe feels like this too comment and we can maybe talk tgeoeher abt our expreinces im open all tike to coverstaion listsen WE CAN DO HIS SHIT DNT GIVE UP YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LETS GO
ohh I thought I changed my ENFP type... But now I know why I act kinda different :o And thinking that I changed my type, made me even more sad cuz I love being an ENFP❤Thanks for all the helpful information!!🤌🤌🤌🤌🫂🫂🫂
I learned depression is waste i was depressed for 8 year so ye i find out i just wast my time with depression so ye i learn how to be my self with out being proud and everything worked well now i am proud gay in homophobic place like iran
even at 1.75 speed she is rambling so much without any structure to everything, if you talk about stuff like this ya might want to try to write this all down and make stuff you say actually matter also subtitles and video stop points would help alot.
