We Evicted Her but She Has No One 

They'll suck all of the emotion out of anyone they can.

It took me a looong time to realize some people will take as much advantage of you as you allow. I thought everyone knew there is a line and to self regulate. I had to learn the hard way but I'm thankful now.

@@michellenewell9017 True, I put myself in one of those situations. Unfortunately it went from helping, to being treated like a servant, and I had to find alternative accommodation for her. Still visited her in the new place, but needed those boundaries back.

Yes!

That’s what I say, there’s a fine line between helping and enabling.

@@rebeccaoprea9917 I learned that lesson the hard way. A woman I knew years ago, didn't see the signs that most of her friends did. Her husband had been having an affair for 5 years. His girlfriend became pregnant, he served her with divorce papers. Instead of getting a low rent place of her own, she moved around from friend to friend dragging all of her belonging with her. Her belongings took up 3/4 of my living room. I had her sign a sub lease to pay $200 per month, everything included. 2 days after she moved in, I came home from work to find that she had taken my groceries out of my fridge & freezer, put them in the kitchen sink. I made her choose what she wanted that would fit on 2 shelves & to put mine back in the other 2 shelves. She was very unhappy about that. Things were okay for the next month except she kept giving me excuses instead of the rent she agreed to. Then, she would stay up until 4 or 5 am &tried to turn my furnace on - at the end of August! I told her that I wanted her to get a blanket or go to bed as I still hadn't seen a dime of the money & couldn't support another adult. My place had a no pets policy, one day I came home to find her 3 cats that she neither mentioned nor asked if she could bring them. The last straw was when she told me that my house was too dirty & she wanted to make a cleaning schedule for me. I wrote an eviction notice, gave her a copy, telling her she had to be out along with her belongings within 3 days or if she paid the money she agreed to for the previous month, out within 10 days & I wouldn't make her pay for the 10 days. She was so angry. I locked my bedroom door & put a dresser up against it when I went to sleep that night. Sure enough, she found another friend to mooch off of. Such a nightmare. I learned a valuable lesson from it.

😢actually, she said she picked it up for her🤷🏼‍♀️

lived 40 minutes out of town had no means of transportation and had no way of getting alcohol by herself. This is like seeing those people who weigh 600 pounds who cannot possibly obtain food on their own or even open the door for a pizza delivery who always seem to have somebody bringing them food

I mean these kinds of people break down your boundaries so slowly, and if the victim hasn't done work to heal themselves they can be very susceptible to falling for it if they don't have support. It starts off as a "one time thing" and the landlady shouldn't have done it, but these things are soooo complicated

that is awkward when the tenant is in your personal property footprint

Good for you.

study behavioural science it is very accurate. She sounds like a classic Narciccist. You Tube is great for therapists to teach us for free.

I had a friend like this too. She was getting kicked out of her place and pretty much demanded I have her move in with me. There was no way in hell I would let her set foot inside my home. She would never leave and my peace would be gone.

Yes, i know someone like this. I feel bad for them, but can not have them in my peace place. I need to keep peace in our home. I can not enable this person. It will not work , it is not healthy for any parties. We all need our own space.

​@JoshuaTrinityWolf-dc4up I agree with this, perhaps they're even suffering from borderline personality disorder? Heavy drinking as coping/medication comes with that. I've also heard, though, from online therapists that borderline personality disorder and vulnerable narcissism is pretty much the same thing. I'm not 100% sure, I'm not a therapist or anything by any means, but I've run into a few people in my time that meet these descriptions, so I believe it.

Leave him

traveling resets your biorythms and helps your health

Good for you for staying sober, and bettering your life. It couldn't have been easy. God bless.

I'd get sober too if I had those arrest videos online like you do

@@2232Serena BINGO

Yes, be glad you don't because I do and I have a lady staying at my house (to help her, she lost her apt) and trying to find a way to get her to leave, like asap. I'm a softie and this is extremely hard for me but it has to be done.

He "retired" so he could stay home and drink how he wants to. I know people who stay in deadend jobs because it allows them to drink on their desired schedule. It's really sad, but you cannot change them. Good for you for putting your family first.

Tough but absolutely necessary. Sorry this is happening to you.

He made bad choices. You have not

He can go back to work.

Hand him a schedule for local AA meetings. It might along with the eviction notice be a piece of info he needs.

You-yourself MUST always come first or you going to go crazy!

@@thisis.michelletorres444 Some people are eager to “help” others who are struggling, but they aren’t honest with themselves about their motives. I bet this isn’t the first time the caller has gotten involved in someone else’s life and ended up being overwhelmed.

Sometimes The Rescuer that's their addiction too.

I don't have anyone. Its very nice.

there is a reason that they have no one, it is because they drive them away

that's not necesarily the reason. life is hard.

@@catherineskis not always. Doomed folks have it much harder.

@@catherineskis I have to agree with this one. The 1st thing I thought was why hasn't she contacted any of her close relatives (siblings, children if any, parents if still alive)? This lady was very nice in what she did but this stuff you would do for a relative of yours. She may have exhausted all her relations because they know she is an alcoholic & poor and needs constant help...OR they are just not in a position to help her. This is the best advice I've heard...just not "ghost" her by blocking her number. Meet with her with a typed list of resources and say you just can't help her anymore because of family obligations. She'll definitely ask for her to drive or accompany her to all those typed places so she'll have to have the strength to say "I'm sorry, no, I can't", but given their friendship prior to this...she should do at least that. What comes to MY mind is Section 8 housing...except for certain places like California, you don't have to wait for Section 8 housing in the smaller towns more than probably a year on a list. Usually for disabled or senior citizens, these small towns (I live in a small town in the Midwest) have a free van going to the local Walmart or grocery store once a month and volunteers to help you shop, if you want. You pay just 30% of your "income", and in our town, we provide free volunteer services so if you qualify, you get a free ride to the local hair salon, local bank, local post office, and any medical appt you might have anywhere (in town or out of town...literally anywhere!) There's even a bus that drives around for $1.25 one way to get you anywhere in our small town...small towns are wonderful for senior citizens and/or disabled people. Great advice, about the typed resource list and meeting up one last time with the lady, instead of just coldly blocking her.

I learned the hard way. Been sober for 8 years.

Yep my ex has been told by so many people that he has a problem. He STILL denies it.

and people with a drug problem as well, watch the show intervention on a and e you'll see it a lot.

Not always true, I knew I had a problem, my alcoholism was genetic and I always knew, love sobriety but it’s hard to get the help especially since I was in an abusive house hold surrounded by alcoholics

​@@BREEZYM6015 congratulations 🙏🏿❤️

I am also a people pleaser and always put others first. Unfortunately this has caused lots od stress and anxiety.

100%

Too many people will take advantage of your kindness, especially being a landlord / when money is involved. Should have never helped her.

​@@user-wc5lw7ps6h1Yes, like a true Christian. There is no wrong helping people but one need to do it the right way.

The lady didn't have any place else to go. Not everybody can get a conveniently located apt to shopping and everything on $1,200 per month + food stamps. I think it just became all too overwhelming for this nice lady. I helped out a disabled lady, and still visit her 20 yrs. later...but when I was doing stuff for her, I set boundaries myself...I can come to visit once a month, take you out to eat, take you anywhere or do anything you need to do and am happy to do this, but I can't drive you to any appt you might need or come more than once a month, all of which she asked me too also, but I said "no, I'm sorry, I can't".

Spot on 👍

@@DonnaLena1 thank you 🙏 for bringing this up. I am so there! 💕 💙 ❤️

@IMOO1896 Wow. You definately have a point. I thought about that too afterwards. Seems kind of cold how everyone thinks she should just cut her out of her life, after admittingly being "more" than a Landlord from the beginning. Can't just drop people like that and feel good about it. I'm not saying she is responsible for keeping her in her life at all. But she is partly responsible for this.

@@girlygirl1890 That IS true. I like Dr. John's advice.

@@brightpage1020 submit

Most realistic comment so far 👌

It's harder to establish that boundary once the relationship has progressed. This person knows where she lives. It would be really drastic to move under these circumstances.

This is Codependency. Go to Al-anon. You are powerless over Alcohol whether you or someone else drinks it. Find a Higher Power in a 12 Step group. Let them go with love.

But what happens when they are within earshot of the person? You weren't clear on that 😊

No, not a family member, but it sounds like she was a close friend to this lady...that's actually what I thought too, bc the stuff this lady was doing you would only do for a relative. If you watched the video, she says on the phone she would pick up Walmart groceries & booze for her bc she didn't have a car, and invite her in for Christmas, etc. I think also that just "ghosting" her would be cruel, given their friendship before...the lady rented their guest house right next to their regular house. I like Dr. John's advice...me and give her a list of resources, agencies that are set up to help people like her, at least, and wish her well after that bc she won't be able to help her anymore after this. Seems the humane thing to do, IMHO.

She's from Portland. It's the savior complex capital of the world

No one is responsible for their siblings either

@@xjkbbls Well yeah, buuut you at LEAST have empathy for siblings if you are a decent human being.

@@girlygirl1890 Yes, absolutely! A lot of the stuff she was doing for the tenant was stuff that you really WOULD do for a sibling or parent, so close relative, which the tenant was not.

Because humans be complicated

And because we are part of a community taught to help each other. I get it. But I have learned the hard way that some people take advantage and a line needs to be drawn. Someone gave me a great metaphor once. The “tenant” is a leaky barrel. No matter how you help, the barrel will never be full. So top trying to fill the barrel and walk away.

WHY ARE WE SHOUTING???

That's typical Oregon mentality

It sounds like it would be good advice...but the last she heard, the lady was staying in various hotels/motels and running out of money. How would a welfare check by police help her? The police would show up at the motel, verify that she wasn't in any physical danger, she could say she needed financial help with lodging and food but that's not what the police are for (they would just tell her to look into agencies for that...but not have a list or anything). She'd be fine physically when the police came...sooooo they would leave and record her as being OK...bc she w-a-s when they saw her.

She took the person out of the town and made her more dependant, on her.

Totally agree with you.

It sounds like you are already plugged into the system of benefits and live close to public transportation, possibly in subsidized housing? That's what the tenant needs to do, but she's desperate with no transportation and doesn't know what to do. If I were her friend, I'd help get her hooked up like you and go with her to either the Dept. of Social Services and/or Catholic Charities and get her signed up/registered for all the benefits that she's entitled to as a (possible) senior citizen with disabilities. Then she can right say she did her part to help her friend, which her former tenant was. Once she's at least got that, would I block her phone number and email...or just not respond. But she definitely needs a little help to get started...she is drowning, figuratively speaking, right now.

@@ethanshy280 yeah bizarro land - were they drinking together?

Some will do ANYTHING to avoid confrontation "I can't buy you all this wine, it's too much for one person" "Are you saying I have a drinking problem??????" "Oh nonono I'm so sorry, I'll be right back" *never mentions it again*

Yeah...I’m perplexed by that too.

Geez...she's NOT buying her the two cases of wine with the landlord's own money...the TENANT is giving her money to go buy the wine. Just like the landlord is not buying the Walmart groceries, she's just picking up the pre-ordered groceries.

@@bettywith2girls if the person is not paying their rent and your are buying it with money they owe you, then you’re paying for it.

Yes, we have all sorts of services here in the small town I live in the Midwest for senior citizens/disabled people. She needs to go live in a place where there are all sorts of services like that available. Maybe there is where she lives now, but she doesn't know it...thus the typed resource list.

😂 it’s worth a shot

Do not force total withdrawal from alcohol from an alcoholic without medical supervision

When I married my husband and at a time I did not believe he was an alcoholic, I told him I would never buy him beer or cigarettes. In a 22 yr marriage, I bought him cigarettes once when he was so sick he couldn't go in spite of my arguments against it. But never, ever alcohol. Turned out to be a raging alcoholic to the point I had to leave to maintain my sanity.

Only getting that because she’s disabled and no job

Really? And the alternative is.....???

@@EM-KeepingtheFaith not doing it

@@Hunter2847 I 1,000% agree with you. When John said that, I was like wow.... seems to make things colder.

Victim? What do you mean? She clearly needs help but it’s not for these landlords to fix her life. She needs family or professional help.

@@bah-bah29hinks7 Exactly. She definitely needs help either contacting "family" so that they can help her, or volunteer to take her down to the Dept of Social Services and/or Catholic Charities (and go with her in there for support)...and get her registered/plugged into the system of benefits she's entitled to as a disabled person (and possible senior citizen too). Then she can sleep easy at night knowing that the tenant is on her way to getting help. If she still gets calls for add'l things, she can easily say "no, I'm sorry, I can't" and block her number. But I definitely at least do that.

Geexwe used the CIWA protocol and gave Valium for detox. Stopped seizures prevented anxiety and after 4 days, we could connect t them to rehabs as they were detoxed.

Such good ideas. I don't think, though, the tenant is at quite the stage of needing a nursing home stay...more like a senior citizen apt complex. Ours in town provides 3 subsidized meals a day, you only pay 30% of your "income" (Section 8) for the apt, and there's a lot of services provided in town...like monthly vans to the local Walmart, free rides given by volunteers to medical appts + a secondary stop of the rider's choice, a bus that just costs $1.25 for each trip to anywhere in our town, etc. In our town in the Midwest, you'd only have to wait about 1 year or less on a list to get in to the Section 8 housing. And that's what I thought too...doesn't she have any close relatives...siblings, children, parents if still alive...that could help her? That all could be on the resource list she gives her when meeting up with her...AND yes, I think you're right...she just needs a little help to get plugged into the 'system' of benefits she's entitled to. I'd offer to drive her one-time, as she doesn't have a car, and go with her to the Dept. of Social Services and/or Catholic Charities (and even the local senior citizen place) to help and find out what benefits she's entitled to as a, probably, senior citizen on disability.

and sometimes they adopt us. Kinda like that mangy old cat down the street.

Excuse me? DISABILITY covers things like a working professional having a stroke at work, forcing them to sell their home, and become a renter due to disability. YOU are saying don't rent to this professional who has money, and in time a pension plus govt pension. VERY rude. I hope you are in need some day and no one helps you.

@DBS472 Not trying to be funny, but the lady doesn't have enough money to take the landlord to court anyways, so it doesn't matter.

@@girlygirl1890There’s legal resources for free or low cost legal assistance. If there’s a will there’s a way.

@@girlygirl1890 that’s not how attorney fees work 90% of the time in civil cases. That’s only for criminal cases. Lawyers typically take their cut out of the awarded damages. That’s why ambulance chasers exist. Although a retainer may be needed if it will be a multi year case, it’s a major multi-million dollar suit between companies, or they’re obviously going to lose but want to do it anyways. The lady literally said the word “lie” on the phone call.

@@DBS472 oh. ok.👍

This was an anonymous phone call. But you are partly right...the landlord could get into a little bit of trouble if she mentions this to anybody else. Honestly, if I were the landlord...I'd start renting the guest house to somebody else (more stable) with boundaries so that the former tenant can't get back in. Get somebody in there that's a relative with low rent, single niece/nephew, widowed aunt/uncle, or a student from the local college whom you can claim is a friend of of the family (or you know his/her parents or whom you are helping out)...who has a car.

@@ceciliaramos2280 block all contact, go no contact. May take a week or month but she’ll get it.

The tenant paid for the booze, not the landlord. The landlord just picked it up using the money the tenant gave her, as she also picked up the pre-ordered Walmart groceries.

Guest house.