Well, I guess SOMEBODY had to read “Trigger Warning” 

Friendly reminder that Jakes needs an education

The four body types in this book: • Big • Not Big • Good Sized • Woman

There are two genders: Big Good size

He’s not a pampered rich kid, he’s just the grandson of a millionaire. Got it

Nothing I can write will ever beat my favourite line of this: "I was just trying to help a woman." "Toxic! Toxic! Racist!"

Book description: "This is a book about a hero who doesn't get TRIGGERED like all the LEFTIST SNOWFLAKES!!!" Literally the first paragraph: Hero gets so upset by a book that he feels the urge to throw it against a wall.

This book is the right wing version of “and then the entire bus clapped”

"The gunman was white, fairly young and average looking. Nothing about him screamed mass shooter" is the funniest line I've ever heard. Coming from a white, fairly young and average looking man.

Honestly, the most unrealistic part of this book is that an extremely wealthy Texas conservative would not only send his grandson to the military, but that the grandson would see combat.

Homie really wrote a book called trigger warning and gave his main character ptsd

“I took the name of my maternal grandfather” is about the rudest way possible to say he took his mothers name

That first scene with the violent mob is such a beautiful, absurd representation of what conservatives think "cancel culture" is: An innocent white man with traditional values gets called a fascist for no reason and then anonymous attackers swarm him while onlookers cheer for his demise. When you have never faced real oppression and discrimination in your life, I imagine this is how dramatic it feels when strangers call you out on Twitter for using a slur.

my newest pet peeve when i rewatch this video is that they say the exit light is off because the power is out, when the whole purpose of an exit light is to stay on during emergencies where the lights go out

when the book just casually makes sure you know the "evil SJW" professor has a very large nose

Did the author really introduce a female character with essentially, she stood there boobily....

I love how the author seems to think of college students as a bunch of wimpy pansys but said students are just constantly starting fights through the book

The sad thing is that this will never be a movie. No one in Hollywood could be as big as Jake Rivers

Jake: Man, these people are traumatized by a very horrific act of terrorism. What a bunch of pansies. Also Jake: *suffers from PTSD*

if you switch 'liberals' with 'preps' this book is basically my immortal

how is jake able to get a masters in biology without 1. already having a bachelors and 2. specializing in any specific branch of biology

The funniest part was the implication that sneeze loudness is corelated to nose size

beginning of the book: protagonist has ptsd flashback ending of the book: ptsd is fake actually

"It's my first day at Liberal High...And- I don't think I fit in." He said as he pulled up his mask just below his nose.

My favorite part was when Jake said "it's biggin time" and then bigged all over the shooters

I love how Chief McRainey is like “ugh here come the feds, they’re going to try to take all the glory from us local cops and take over the whole investigation” when he’s literally the campus police. That’s like a bombing happening at a strip mall and the mall cop being upset that a SWAT team showed up.

This book feels like those "and then the entire bus clapped" but its geared towards facebook elderly conservatives

Book Author: "Huehuehue r u triggered1?!??!" Main character: *literally has a PTSD flashback within the first few pages of the book because of antifa*

it's so funny to me that the only thing that happened between Natalie and Jake is her endlessly complimenting him and agreeing with his worldview, and by the end of the book he's madly in love with her and forgives her for helping to take a school hostage and committing acts of terrorism. Apparently the only thing Jake wants in a woman is compliance and an ego boost and he's in love

You gotta appreciate the author's backstory. I've never seen a conservative so careful with pronouns before.

When Jake was a lad, he ate four dozen eggs Every morning to help him get large And now that he's grown, he eats five dozen eggs So he's roughly the size of a barge

The irony of a book mocking liberals for being triggered being about a guy who is being constantly triggered is hilarious

it's extremely easy to realize that this entire book is just some sort of power fantasy for the author, it's literally like the adult equivalent of a little kid drawing a buff guy labeled "me (cool)" next to an angry stick figure labeled "timmy (is stinky and stole my red crayon)"

I’m not finished yet, but I’m really struggling to get into this “Dog” character without knowing if he’s big or not.

The only reason this book is not adapt into movie is because theres no actor that big enough to play Jake

Jake: unlike you sjws I am not easily triggered. Also Jake: literally gets triggered within the first chapter. Tenses up whenever he sees a middle-eastern person

Just coming back to this video again to be reminded of and comforted by how big Jake is. Just so big.

I wish Audible had a section of sarcastically read audiobooks with snarky commentary. I would buy a lot more audiobooks.

"He doesn't need a 'safe space'." It.... it kind of sounds like he does.

I would have really enjoyed omniscient narrator referencing everything to just how big it is in comparison to Jake. "Jake entered the Math building, which was at least 15 Good-sized Jakes stacked on top of each other."

I work in a library and whenever someone checks out one of these books I always have to refrain from being like DID YOU KNOW HE'S DEAD AND HIS NIECE WRITES THESE (I have told all my coworkers though)

I was shrieking and shaking at the "Not horse. That's not a good codename. Now Stallion maybe". The sheer comedic value of that single sentence

This whole book has the same energy as my 10-year-old brother insisting he'd stay stone-cold during those action film torture scenes if it were him instead of the hero

My favorite part is that Jake says “My maternal grandfather’s name” and not just mother’s maiden name, you know like how normal people say it.

I googled “pajama boys insult” for you, and it refers to a character in a 2013 infomercial promoting Obamacare. It’s obscure af, and its use has convinced me that this book is not actually satire. Conservatives really think this way, god help us.

I'm glad this book is drawing attention to the most serious problem in universities these days - the outrageous cost of textbooks, thanks to academic publishers' exploitative business practices.

I don't consider it a good day unless at least two strangers have approached me to monologue about how cool I am.

My favorite part is that he's not "coddled"like the other students, but also gets out of trouble for being the grandson of one of the school's major donors. Real underdog, this one.

6:03 Gotta respect how the author asked herself what kind of character her target audience would find appealing, and came up with a guy that takes two to five minutes to decipher visual information and 0.03 seconds to formulate assumptions

Nothing delights me more than the homoerotic subtext of every man who sees Jake commenting on how big he is

Jakes be like "oh antifa is a dangerous terorrist organization, but they're also a bunch of snowflakes with brightly colored hair, but they're also an organized team of ninjas wielding improvized weapons, but theyre also a bunch of soyboys"

Jake: A warrior, but also a PHILOSOPHER Also Jake: It might be racist, but I tense up when I see Middle Eastern people

"I always had really unkind thoughts about the Zodiac Killer." is a helluva line to hear when you're revisiting this video for the first time in ages.

absolutely insane to me that this writer touted an incredibly traumatized war veteran who wrote poetry and advocated for ptsd and mental illness research as some sort of anti-snowflake tough son of a gun macho man figure when in actuality he was someone the writer would most definitely call a snowflake if she bothered to learn more about the guy past surface level information

I'm imagining Jake is built like Kingpin from Spiderverse

The dude, a trained soldier, gets triggered into some PTSD episodes just from looking at a different shade of skin but students being traumatized by an armed hostage situation are below him.

This whole book is a great example of making up a guy and getting mad at him

If you had said Onision wrote this I would’ve believed you

This entire book reads like the "christian soldier destroys atheist professor" copypasta

"Since we heard about her breasts, I assume that was flirting." I feel like that could be the title of a dissertation.

if theres anything you can take away from this, it's that no matter HOW BAD you think your writing is, it can still get published and sold.

I last attended a college about 10 years ago, but in my experience, college students, whether undergrad or otherwise, are more concerned with getting homework done at 2 a.m. and eating pizza than they are following around a random dude and calling him a fascist for no reason.

“Trigger Warning” but every time Jake’s “bigness” is mentioned he grows in size

Being tasered: Sentence long, intense, vivid description Protagonist: big

my favorite quotes from this “you know, like a real person would say” “it’s like i’m there” “my grandfather claims i have the soul of an old novelist” “girls always say that on first dates”

I want Natalie to come back in every horsedog sequel, and she gets swept up in whatever terrorist group Jake is confronting and ends up betraying him and getting shot and arrested. Inexplicably she’d be free again at the start of each book, obviously

"William authored 400+ books." "And William is also dead." "And the real person who wrote this book was a woman pretending to be a man." *the backstory of this book is even better than the book itself*

"Jake isn't triggered" *Legit gets triggered in the first page of chapter 2*

the lore at the end about the authors identity genuinely threw me for a loop. this feels like a whole lot of family drama and puts the appearance of jakes uncle into a whole new light. holy shit

Fun Fact: Jake would definitely know Krav Maga unless this book was set pre-1995, given that it is THE backbone of MACP’s Hand-to-Hand

_Jake teleports behind you_ "Nothing personal, Lib"

I wish my college had literal social justice warriors who popped out of the shadows with bike chains at the smallest microaggression. That would be so much more interesting.

Dust jacket states that Jake doesn't get triggered. Jake proceeds to get triggered in literally the first scene. This book is a masterpiece

"I can't wait to read the further adventures of Dog and Horse" was of the funniest things I have ever heard.

Hi my name is jake rivers and I have a big tall large big grandpa (that’s how I got my name). I have pale white skin. I’m also big, and I go to a trigger warning lib school school called Kelton in America. I’m big (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly camo. I love Bass Pro Shop and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a camo jacket with matching comfortable shorts, an inside-the-waist-band holster, knife and gun. I was walking outside Kelton College. A lot of antifa stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

My grandfather, who reads almost all of the Johnstone books, was surprised I knew who the actual author was of those books these days. Thanks for the street cred with my grandpa, Jenny!

The fact that this was published makes me regret overthinking my writing so much

Like, you meet your roommate in the first day and it goes, “Hi. I’m Josh. I just graduated from high school.” “Howdy, I’m a self insert character that has a bachelors degree, is an ex-army ranger, and yet am 24 years old.”

I'm not saying that Professor Mtumbo has the physical description of an antisemitic caricature, but Professor Mtumbo has the physical description of an antisemitic caricature.

The fact that Jake's trucker ninja codename wasn't "Trigger Warning" genuinely borders on reprehensible.

He bigged heftly to the stairs and largely downwards

"You're not just some run of the mill student." Oh, so Jake's a special snowflake

I can't believe the *first* paragraph is "phone bad book good"

This book feels like the right-wing version of those "And the whole train clapped" Tumblr posts.

So I work at a used bookstore. And at one point I shelved a book that was written by “J. A. Johnstone.” Without being attached to William’s name. I may not like her politics or her writing, but I’ll be honest, I felt something when I saw it. Edit: I went back and checked, and sure enough, still no pronoun use in her bio in the back, nor an author picture. Still, it’s… something.

imagine writing a whole book mocking the left for trigger warnings, microaggressions, and safe spaces without understanding what a single one of those words mean.

He's not "coddled" but his rich grandpa fixes everything for him.

Originally, this just felt like Jake was a weird POV/Self insert. But now I know the truth. The real badass OC was DAWG

micro aggressions, but a macro man

The mental image of a girl calling him a fascist and somehow summoning a mob to beat him into the ground is so iconic

This is a big, good-sized video

Law enforcement do not shutoff wireless networks during terrorist attacks. Because they need to use that infrastructure themselves. Also it's useful for the public to be able to use emergency services during, y'know, a terrorist attack.

I love how the spooky antifa ninjas just keep appearing out of nowhere at completely random times like videogame enemies

It’s the fact that the girl we are introduced to 19 minutes in has pockets deep enough for her to even put her hands in. Took me right out of the story

Jake. An absolute unit. So big. I would get Jake tattooed on my arm, but I am afraid my weak liberal snowflake arms arent big enough to hold the sheer bigness of Jake.

“Y’know like guys in their 20’s say” captured the entire book pretty well

“Some would say it was racist” because it’s racist.

alternative summery for this book could be “Big large man is mad that college students with no combat training aren’t ready to kill and wield weapons that they picked up from dead men”

Jake is like the male, republican version of "not like the other girls"

I first watched this video while I was in hospital, and somehow the second hand embarrassment from the book was more painful than my pancreas exploding.

Story you mentioned reminds me of my dad's friend. Vietnam veteran. Super nice man. Every night he'd push his dresser in front of his bedroom door and sleep with a gun under his pillow. My dad told me something like, "God forbid anyone had ever managed to get through." The fact that the story you mentioned sounded so similar, like... jfc, how many people go through that while we basically romanticize war? Idk if this is satire, but if it's not, the thing that gets me isn't even the stupid portrayal of liberals and leftists. It's the idea you're somehow weak to not want to commit acts of violence, even in defense. That is SCARY. And him basically rolling his eyes that people were horrified about the prospect of looting dead bodies. Like jfc, man, let that be satire coz anyone who believes we all need to witness or be okay with bloodshed or else we're weak is fucked in the head.