What am I meant to be doing now......? 

Thank you so much for all your thoughts :-) it's really sweet to know what you all think - feeling much better today, just been for a big run round a lake in the sunshine and sorted my head out a bit. Maybe it's accepting that I have to move forwards and leave things and people behind when part of me wants to try and hang on... either way it's all a bout looking to the future and new horizons, not looking backwards at what once was - thank you xx

Everyone (I believe) reaches the "what now?" point in their lives, and not just once, but a few times. It is not just a transgender experience, and I suspect it follows the achievement of a goal. I hope your spirits come back up soon, but think they will come up eventually. In the meantime take comfort in knowing that you are a stunningly attractive young woman and there are thousands and thousands of people who wish you comfort of spirit. I can't imagine that you will have to fly solo for much longer. You are an accomplished racing car driver, but save your need for speed for the track. Ah, what the hell am I saying? Just follow your heart and your brain. They are both among your considerable assets. Big hugs.

You sound a lot like how I'm feeling as I get further in transition. When we are in the middle of it our mid is preoccupied with transition goals. After it's over, we are kinda left with a "what now?" Feeling like you described In the video. I change of scenery or new hobby may help and new friends will come with the new hobby.

Thank you for posting this raw and unfiltered. I always look forward to your videos but this one in particular cut right through me. No advice, but a big thanks for sharing your ups and downs with random strangers. ~Internet hug~ :)

I know you have this. You have made my life better with sharing yours. Hugs from my heart....

a Girl for all seasons Watching this video just makes me want to give you a big hug, keep on going I'm sure the future is bright and happy for you. I think you're great and the videos you've posted have been a huge source of hope, help and inspiration. Please know that you're doing more good and making more of a positive difference of many peoples live that you may realise. Give yourself a huge pat on the back, you earned it. You're not alone.

After The Highs come the lows, but hey you're better than that, chin up and remember we are here for you. I'm only just starting my journey and i have such lows that i didn't think it was possible to go that far down, but to see how far you have gone has given me inspiration. Keep smiling if only for the fact it makes you look great.

Ditch the duds and focus on good energy ONLY! I"m in the process of cutting the ties to my closest family at the moment, and it's about time, waited far too long and let them poison my mind: you"ll be surprised about the boost of energy that hits you once you give the boot to those who drag you down; you suddenly know where you"re going to and who you are and everything. Good luck!!

Hello. I'm not transitioning but I know exactly how you feel. I have times where I feel I was meant to be or do something more but I don't know what it is. I have a very good life, but something is missing. You are not alone. You have a friend here even though we never met. Hold your head and spirits high, great things and fulfillness (don't think that's a real word), will come to you. Thanks for your videos Ernie

Euphoria of successfully transitioning can make u manic. It gave your life direction for a while. It is like how recent university graduates feel, drifting aimlessly. Enjoy the girlie things, focus on getting a boyfriend! The estrogen is also amplifying your emotions a lot. The weather in blighty isn't helping either. You should also take triple Vitamin D (the sunshine vitamin) amounts which is great for your moods and bones.

So sorry to see you that way. I know you will get through it. Remember that you never really know how people are/fell with their perfect life. Looking forward for your next video where you will be all excited and joyful with great news in your amazing life.

move! make a fresh start! just feel excited for the future! ♡ you can do everything you want to do, so make a list and do it babe ! ♡

You will be ok,crying helps,loving your cat helps,friends change.Friends i had when i was your age are mostly gone but you will make new ones.change is so hard some times,but its the only constant in life so try and embrace it.you have your whole life to chose your path and your path will change often.thats life its normal.God bless you and thank you you've touched my life just by sharing here on youtube.just imagine all the other lives you'll become a part of.when im feeling down i just love and snuggle with my cats and cry a little go to sleep and keep living.

exactly the conversation I have in my head every waking hour. 🎯

You have taken a major leap in your life and emotionally and spiritualy must be quite an adjustment.We all go through our peaks and valleys and eventualy find our truth and meaning,just dont force it.When you go through what you have gone through i imagine at times it can be overwhelming but this to will pass as you find your place and meaning.Take care be safe and know that you are loved and needed.

You have been a guiding light of my adventure - pretty much from day one. Among other tangible gifts, you helped me find my name. As fate would have it - that turned out to be both the name I've always had ... and the one you've always had as well. There was something very powerful about bringing both parts of myself together with one name. But there is nothing as deeply healing and helpful as when you - or one of our other wonderful friends - shares their pain. That has helped me weather more storms than I can count. So - thank you so very, very much for that. As Chairman Mao said, "Dare to struggle, Dare to win!" xo

1st here a huge hugs, I found new interests after my transition it help me to fill my lonily and I also found new friends who I have more in common with now. Just hang in there things have way of working out for the better. Here a one more hug.

I think it's normal to feel that you've grown apart from people. You have made a long journey, figuratively speaking, and no one has come with you really. So even though you're still geographically in the same place you're in a very different place mentally and emotionally. I hope you can relax and not pressure yourself to attain an impossible ideal. Try to enjoy yourself in the now, in your beautiful new physical self I wish you the best!

Thank you for making this video. It is about where I have been the last few weeks and it got harder this past weekend where I just curled up into a ball in bed. My friends have all moved on with their lives and got married and had kids and I tried to as well, but all the anxiety of wanting to transition I guess just made the time go by as I just buried myself in work for years. Now I am older, and at a place where I could transition, but as you know that is a lot of work. I’m at least in counseling and talking about it. I am changing occupations, taking classes online, wore my body out and on disability now. I have drifted away from most all my friends and my family, so I am pretty alone now. The internet would have made things easier or better and maybe I would have transitioned if I had the information that is out there now. Where should I be in my life, where do I want to be? Should I transition or just try to be happy with what I am now? There was a lot of good advice I saw from others, I tried to bury this stuff in alcohol as well for years and that has just gotten me farther away from connecting with people but one thing I learned, you can move, you can change jobs, you might even make some new friends, but you are just taking the same problems with you to a new place, city etc. I’m trying to take this advice. Find you, and what will make you happy. You are not supposed to live someone else’s life. With love, Melinda. California

I am so sorry to hear you feel like this but you have been incredibly brave to get this far - and I wish I had your courage to do what I know I to be right. I have struggled with being what others want me to be all my life and looking back I should have done what you have done and damn the 'consequences'. Life is what you make it, and if you feel that you need to change jobs, people or location just do it. Thank you for sharing your journey and feelings with us. Wishing you all the very best.

Sad to see you in this phase of your life. I totally get it. So glad to know you've survived this period and have grown into the amazing woman you are today. Much love.

You have come a long way, you are a lovely person and don't be so hard on yourself. I wish I had the same courage as you but I know that my only regret in life will be that I have so many of them.

Transition changes us more than we realize and it changes how people who have known us a long time see us now. A new start might be tough in the beginning and doesn't work for everyone but you'll make it a success. :) And it really gives us a chance to cut ties with our old life even more. Anyway I feel with you. Hugs.

Don't feel down... It will work out. Just give it a bit more time. You're intelligent, sensitive and beautiful. You will find happiness!! I for one think you're fantastic!!! X

Secret of life is you have to believe in yourself. You have a head start, because you accomplished so much. Your a good person, very smart and driven. Your path will become clearer in time. Be kind, be caring, and keep your eyes and mind open and you will find your way.

You need that special someone to share your life with. That connection of belonging feeling loved by that person gives you support and direction in your life. Still you number one fan and saddened about what your feeling we all love you

I don't know what advice I can give you, as a trans woman who's being transitioning for just over 3 years I can understand where you're coming from. The question is where do you go from here, from today. I've felt lost myself, locked in circumstances. Being a traveler in my own life, Its okay to feel lost, but its no comfort to say that is it? Shedding the past may be the way, step into new situations a new home, job, step into your life, its yours and you have every right in the universe to be happy. All The best, traveler, love and hugs Rachel T.

Hey Charlie, I realise this is an old video but I feel compelled to comment. Loneliness really does suck! I hope you have since gone on to find that special person to share your time with? I'm not normally an outwardly emotional person but this video has left a lasting impression on me. I really only fired up RU-vid the to look for hill climbing videos as I would like to start doing this next year. But the roads appear to have led me to your channel 😀 which is awesome. Ok it's two years too late but I hope a virtual hug is still allowed? +a Girl for all seasons

:( I'm sure you'll pull through. Regarding your friends, I bet many of them are envious of your freedom and sense of adventure - the grass often seems greener on the other side. Also people often project themselves as more happy and content then they really are. The most important thing is that even though your relationship with your friends has changed they are still there for you and that is a great thing :)

I wish you well!! I am sure I will likely make it to this point at some point in the future but I am only about a year into my transition but had to give up my family and most of my friends from the start so part of it I have already had to look past. I want my family and such but if I wait for them I may never get to where I am going!! Good Luck.

Hey girl, it' so sad to see you like this. I've always seen you as a happy girl with such a beautiful smile. You told us about a few passions of yours, like car racing and jogging. Do you still do those activities ? If you ever need to chat with someone, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm certain that there's lots of people out there that would want to help you in these difficult times. Don't be afraid and reach out !!!

You're so wonderfully beautiful and have already come this far. Just be wherever you are at any given moment and enjoy it for what it is, even the crappy stuff. It's the contrast of the lows that make the highs seem so high!? :) x

I lost my mother when I was 12, and eventually ended up living with my family in a small farming town of around 700 people, never had many friends and always felt disconnected from those around me. I never felt I belonged. The first chance I got I left home and just opened myself up to the providence of the universe, deciding that I would pursue all that lie ahead, and become someone who was more interested in what was on the other side of the door, than just being content inside the room I was in...physically and metaphorically. Because of that decision I've lived all over the world, I've had a remarkable and successful career, and a great deal of personal fulfillment. That's not to say there weren't some difficult and low times. The hardest lesson learned from all of that was to realize that my own happiness (as cliche as this sounds) had to come from inside and no one else could provide that for me. Until I learned that, I made a fair amount of mistakes. Watching your videos it is clear to me that you've got all the resources inside of you that you need...for fucks sake you've done something incredibly courageous...not just the alteration of the physical identity, but the fusing of the inside to the outside into something beautiful, a very lovely person with the intrepidity to share all of this with the world. So taking a deep breath with that knowledge in hand, a look in the mirror to recognize you are an amazing person...as upset and unsure as you may be at the moment, you have to take a moment to realize you are capable of anything and not focus on the unknown as something to worry over, but to embrace it even more. Looking for answers obscures them, but experiencing life and the unknown reveals a great deal. I think change of scenery is always good, but it is also important to not confuse change with running away from anything that will only follow you. I'm not suggesting that's the case, but speaking from experience that I made this mistake a few times and found myself in a new place with the same issues. That said, there is nothing wrong with new friends and...well, new family. They say you can't pick family, but I've not found that to be true. Most of who I consider family I picked. Sometimes those from the past who you surround yourself with have a certain idea in their mind of who you are and when you are around them you find yourself falling into those same roles. I remember visiting family and old friends many many many years ago and having the realization that these people would always see me as the person they viewed me as, and not the person I knew myself to be. They will always keep you in a time capsule. As for being with someone or making a life with someone, these things will come. It is often when we aren't looking for it that it happens, but it generally operates on the universal "watched pot" scenario of when you stop looking is when it all comes together. But in the meantime, from where I stand it looks like you've got a great deal to be happy for...and it is that energy and excitement that makes it so enjoyable to watch your videos. That partner in crime will someday be there...but for now just take some time to enjoy how far you've come and imagine all there is yet out there to experience. If you are in London, we'd be happy to introduce you to some new people...I have a few friends who could talk cars all night long...and owned some of the rarest out there. In fact, my business partner owns one of the rarest cars in the world...and it is the first one ever made. ;-) And hey...at least the sun is out now and it has stopped raining...although I likely just cursed it.

You're never alone... you are on the other side, and you've got a chance for a new life and a fresh start! It's an exciting time. :) I'm glad you're feeling better today! /hugs

Much love!

Sometimes a good cry works wonders, but baby girl never lose your focus

I know this video is 3 years old, but it is really painful to watch someone that i have grown to love in so much pain sweetheart I Love you from the bottom of my heart please don't take that the wrong and I hope your day is going good :)

Heya :) Listening to you speak I was thinking of all the transitions we go through in life. Gender transition is so unique, life changing and all consuming that I guess when it comes to it's end, we are left back in the world we were before and it's all so scary and new, even if it doesn't feel that way after going through it for so long. It sounds like you are in a place now where the biggest transition in your life is no longer gender related, it's just life related. I think anyone, cis, trans, whatever, in your position would be feeling a little lost and isolated. You're life is fresh and it's so so scary to see an uncertain future ahead, but it is also beautiful. It takes time to build up something new, and to find out what it is that you want and need on the next stage of your life journey. Feeling down about it now is just part of the process and you will stumble upon opportunities you never thought of on your way that make you happy, so long as you keep looking. In real terms, you are still kicking tons of butt, don't let anything stop you! :D

I think I understand your situation. I'm not living a bad life myself, but deep down, I don't feel satisfied with myself. If I was in your position, I would try to expand my horizons where I am. Try some new activities in your area. For example, my family just joined the YMCA to get out of the house a little more and give life more of a fresh feel. Try joining a book club. Maybe go out and find others who have the same interests as you. I don't want to write an entire speech, but I can suggest more if you'd like. I really do understand what your experiencing. I hope this helps.

You don't have to do amazing things but you do have an amazing life. Sometimes you just have a little lull. Let life come to you. Even people who are not transiting question who they are or what else does life hold for me. Things will get better.

I went through the same thing. You are starting a new phase in your life. You knew people as a guy and formed relationships that way. Now the dynamics of those relationships have changed. No more man cave hang outs with the guys. And women bond differently with other women than they do with guys. The relationships thanks longer to develop and you're basically starting that female relationship from scratch. Making new friends is easier because they don't have to adjust to changes. Some will come around and some won't. That's the nature of human beings. You'll be fine. Keep enjoying the good times and stop living the past you've left behind. No sense in dwelling on it and make yourself feel like crap.

When you feel as down as you were, try and reach for the best, most positive thought you can better than where you are at and hold onto it. Concentrating on the bad stuff is addictive, it just reinforces itself. (Law of attraction and all that). Beware of leaving people behind. I did that and now, years later, look back and regret doing it. Life can be lonely enough anyway without leaving good people behind. Good friends are hard to find, they are for me at least. Best wishes...

What thoughts are you thinking when you notice that you feel sad? I use that question to help me figure out what is truly bothering me and what I want or whether or not my solutions would truly address the problems I have emotionally.

I get the loneliness of seeing good friends moving forward, and knowing the work it takes to try to get to the same place. Also being on the post-season side of racing and travel adventures is quite the windup/wind-down. And it's tough on both counts. I can't speculate if its being lost, or just the "bottom-of-the-barrel" feeling since you have to go back to home routines, etc. and you've been on this awesome adventure. If at core you feel you want to (or Need To) share that adventure, then its not loss, its loneliness. (Insert good friend hug here.) But if the need is not great, then its very likely loss/b-o-t-b post-season blues. Look forward to Snowboarding season at that point! 😂

Hi, Hope your feeling better, I will put you in my prayers. :)

Life and happiness are all about the connections in our lives. Connections with family, friends, lovers, pets and the world around us. Sometimes the sadness comes from too few, or the wrong connection, and sometimes the sadness comes before (endogenous depression) and disconnects us from our foundations. There is no reason why an intelligent, beautiful girl should not find a best friend, boy friend (girl friend), lover, or soul mate. Yes, being honest about who you were is important, but that does not define who you are now. Some would say to go into stealth mode, others would not; but you need to be happy with yourself before others can share that joy.

so been where you are now hun, you will do all the things you want to do you have the rest of your life to do them in. fitting back into the world post transition Is a lot harder than people think it is. remember you have a whole community of brothers and sisters around you to help and you can call on. I hope you can find a besty you can share all this with. you are talking to all of us when you make this maybe you just need to find one person you can talk this through wirh that gets it. I hope you find for path again hun I'm always happy to listen if you ever want to off load hugs

Wishing u the best

Hi, (sending you a super hug) I have this feeling a lot..."where now?" and "what next?"...a loss of direction. Life only gives clues, we play the cards, and ultimately...we decide the direction. However...life is not W.O.W. (the game)...it's not an adventure and not a quest... Your direction has been set already...and you are in a different space all the time...that...is life :) Right now, I wish I could just hug you... By the way, I heared your cat pur...someone connected... You are different now. This is what some scifi movies are made off: waking up in a different life...trying to connect with old friends...in a different body...yes, that is hard. but...(up side) it also allows you to veneture into other avenues of Life :) What next? Well, find the silence within, so your inner voice can actually get through...zen meditation... Why this black hole? Well, that is natural. You NEED a dull phase in your life. Imagine being on that super-hero-high all the time...you'd burn up, sweet thing. Instead of fear...embrace the brief phase of rest... The compass is there, and yes, it's spinning now, but...it spins for everyone...and then...it stops...points to a direction and...off you go... Basically, you have an excuse to "lay back" and..yes...have a beer :) Dont forget... it is a hyper tense phase you just come out of... I understand fully where and in what phase you are now...believe me... :) Lov ya :) Melissa xxx Edit - a carreer seldomly is a uniform continuous stream...sometimes new avenues widen scope to see more opporunities :) Edit - do NOT entertain "silly thoughts" missy!!!! people depent on you and are williing to let you depend on them. you are part of a wonderfull fabric called Life...so...dont do something that can make a hole in the fabric, okay? Kisses and a hug :)

you need to remember that you finally got what you wanted, i believe you are and incredible person no way i would have wanted to go through the pain you have had to endure emotional and physical. you definately look like a cute blonde woman to me. you are learning to walk and to grow you started off as if you were immediately and adult but you will get the grip on it .

To me, you are an awesome person

i came across your page by accident but im hooked .you are so perfect. be posotive babe xxx

I am also in that exact same position for the past 5 months. I am also a Transwoman in my 30's. i've had no surgeries whatsoever, and have been in transition over the past 3 years. It gets lonely. very lonely. our experiences are very different from most people, and even from one transwoman to another. it is indeed UNIQUE. And what happens in our lives and how we feel and think through such moments are just not relatable to most of our friends. i think that's why i feel lonely too. i took that drastic life decision to get a new job and move(still in the process). but so far, that sense of purpose is still something i'm looking for. We have to shovel one sh*t at a time. most the heavy lifting is something we have to do ourselves. but hang in there. you're stronger than you know you are, and smarter than you think you are. xxx

Sometimes people do a lot of fun things to keep preoccupied, and then when something makes us think about something we were avoiding, we get triggered. I know what it's like to try and make up for things too. I'm 35, but I got all sorts of clothes and perfumes from all over the time period - even a 90's grunge dress, lol. It's important though to know what you really want in life, once the honeymoon period settles. We never could have what we really wanted (and no, transition wasn't it - it was just something we needed to do in order to get the things we really wanted) and we probably have no idea how to get what we want (or we would have it by now) - and that fact makes us go on a distracting departure to help us not think about it. But in a way, that's what we did before we transitioned and tried to escape the gender issues before we transitioned, wasn't it? Old patterns. I'm seeing a therapist to help reach my goals. It's really been working! Hugs!

*hugs* hunnie xx

This video was so moving, you are so brave and an inspiration. Well, hello, I'm Julia, and going through a hard time mentally at the moment. I am 3 years post op, closer to family than ever especially dad but he still uses wrong pronouns etc, but he can see how I am a whole person now. This video got my crying just like you. I have recently ended a friendship of 35 years, as we have just grown apart, he is Indian and he has steadily not been treating me as an equal, now being female. I am still having problems getting a job, even though I volunteer and am a post grad with extensive experience. Like you I am a tom boy, I still work on my classic car, from welding to most mechanics, I cycle everywhere, I even cycled to Italy In Sep 2013, I had my GRS at the end of Jan, camped every night, carried all my gear in a trailer, only found sites on about third of time, I met some wonderful people in France, and was never outed even with no makeup, and looking far from my best, however I do not ware makeup daily, mainly because of cycling. Like you my sexuality has shifted towards men, however I tend to tell anyone I like when it gets beyond idle chat, that ends any further development . I am sorry I am going on, but I found you, and felt you were so interesting as you are so like me in many ways so I can relate to your experiences. This clip really made me feel for you, even though you are comfortable in life, some my say why are you complaining, we all need companionship. I have always been there for others with detriment to myself. Where does friendship end and being used (even emotionally) begin? After transition I feel, that this has shifted to the 'used' end of the spectrum. On lady who was a close friend for two years, pre op who had only known me as Julia, just blanked me after my op, as far as I was concerned we were only friends, she did know I was trans, make your own conclusions. Like you I am very confident with myself feel its special to be trans and having gained that life experience. Like you I am unsure of my future, yes I am confident outgoing, well known, liked now, the opposite to before excepted liked as I am still very much the same person, I just outwardly look different. I also did hypo-masculine activities and still do to a lesser extent but some of this is due to middle age. I hope you get to read this, your video just had me an tears. Maybe I should do some U tube video.Bye for now, A bit of advice, it will be difficult if not impossible to hang on to your old life. If it is not working, you will tear yourself apart trying, you cannot MAKE people fully excepting when it becomes personal. Just keep trying with your family, they are the most important.God Luck,Juliax

❤️❤️❤️❤️ Chin up girl! You are young and beautiful and good person. You'll go far. Take your time. Have a holiday. Go to a gig. Make pancakes. Take a walk. Smile. Live in a moment. It will all be alright. ❤️

Take a deep breath, dear, beautiful soul. You are experiencing life, yeah, even this gloomy, sucky, stuck in a rut moment is experiencing life; instead of being out there rocking the world with your usual amazingness, you feel lost, adrift on a Coleridge ocean, stuck in the grey duldrums and you know what? That's okay, these moments happen, but, there are two awesome things taking place here. The first, these never last long, these moments reach apex then crest and the wave smooths out. So, it is like a bad cold, just keep plying yourself with chicken soup until it passes. (The soup is a metaphor LoL)... Next, you are aware of the first couple of steps of this emotional spiral. That means, you can proactively take steps to circumvent this before it causes any lasting damage. What are things you can do in the process? Well, it is obvious you are an explorer, the trips to France prove that, so, explore some more, go in the opposite direction, do Spain next, or head up into the Rhine Valley, but, know what you are looking for and my lovely friend, what you are looking for, is being the best "YOU" that you can be. That doesn't require pushing the redline into the black on wet pavement. It doesn't require looking for cherubs in every new eye, hell, it doesn't even require a name. What it requires is you simply holding on to just one thought... I rock... This sucks, but, I still rock. So this is gonna change and I am still going to rock... Then, go have as many happy, fun, exciting events in your life as you can, because the next wave is coming, life will suck for a while, then it will get better again... So go forth and be the best you, you can figure out... Desiderata and all that good stuff.

I feel the exact same way. :( it sometimes makes me regret my transition. Like I miss the way my old friends were with me, now its like theyre just my friend 'because'. And lets not even start with dating. Finding a woman to date me, as a man, was faaaar easier. Now Ive just accepted that Im likely going to be alone forever, or will have to accept being with someone who doesnt REALLY see me as my true gender. (all the women Ive been with so far, have all misgendered me at one point, even though they met me as a woman, which proves they dont really see me as one) Also.....as a man on testosterone, I didnt give a shit about living/dying alone, and seeking relationships or being sad about not having one, wasnt even an issue...... but now on estrogen ALL I WANT is one, a connection, some human touch, and the feeling of being needed by someone. Its brutal, because the likelihood of it happening now, is far less, so its like some sort of universal fuck you / catch 22 :( Now, all I am is just lonely, depressed, and I wanna die most of the time. Transitioning solved my body dysphoria, but at what cost?

I know how hard it is and often after SRS we fell like we have reached the end. In fact it is just the beginning of full womanhood and occasional depression is all part of that (those lovely hormones!). I hope that you are past it now and getting on with life as others have said. Being female is a joy and you are young and beautiful - enjoy it!

This an another of your recent posts have really reminded me of an article I read about the percentage of Olympic athletes who get depressed after the Olympics. It turns out that a lot of them do and it doesn't really matter how they did at the Olympics. Post Olympic gold medalist are pretty much just as at risk as everyone else. The article talked about the years of build up to the Olympics, literally years, an then a big nothing to do once its over. I guess a lot of olympians really need to be goal oriented or they just founder. I can't know your thoughts, but surely your transition must have come after years and years of thinking and consumed a lot of your attention once you decided to go for it. Same setup. I don't know if that's comforting at all, but you are definitely someone who can set and meet remarkable goals. How 'bout first trans woman in space? Walk around the world for awareness? One of those massive endurance races?

remember that there is a rainbow waiting at the other end.don't feel upset with yourself now.look on the brighter side.

It sounds like at least a period of reflection and depression is common post-transition. It isn't entirely surprising given how much you have been through - survival almost depended upon getting through defined milestones - FFS, RLT, AM, SRS, Electrolysis etc... Once it is 'all done'; you have no more milestones. You're 'there' so to speak. Having been so focussed on the goals to get there it leaves you somewhat bereft with not focus beyond that. It may also be why you are a high achiever, and indeed, high achievers also tend to have a sense of disorientation once they achieve their perceived highest accolade. I know this video is slightly historic now, but it sounds like setting milestones (racing, presenting etc.) have helped you through these times and a fresh start in France sounds entirely understandable for a chance to be you without having to drag too much baggage into every social interaction. Yet, at the same time, you are also going through a bereavement - mourning the loss of the former relations/friendships and life. It is a hugely disorientating time - but you will find a way through. It's just not clear to you at that time - but you have a strong and positive outlook on life. Best wishes for all that lies ahead for you.

No easy job being us sweetie,, Hang in there and I promise it will turn around again. If we don't question where we are and where are we going we will miss the opportunities to move on and live life to the fullest. Cant leave everything behind because when you look in the mirror there you are. I have my highs and lows and its 11 years since I ended formal transition. Life continues to be a journey and we continue to transition, cradle to grave. Sometimes we look long and hard at ourselves and are critical of self more then the outside world does. This separates us from the general population. It is actually a gift this self realization and review. Don;t be so hard on yourself. It is what makes us truly special creatures. I cherish and yes sometimes loath this gift but wouldn't trade it for anything. Ultimately it brings me peace and makes me a better person. Hang in their doll. This to shall pass.

I think you could become an actress. you should be able to get a spot on Doc Martin.

Fourth year and similar. 🙁

I recently broke up an 11year relationship after telling my girl friend I was transgender. I started hormones and I'm trying to change my career. I have been feeling lonely, lost and selfish. I wish you no distress but in a way you helped me to feel a little stronger. I know I'm not alone.xoxox

Thanks for sharing and I guess it's a shock, when you've climbed your mountain and then...huh? tbh I know you're an action girl & you'll be thinking 'chalet girl' soon (!) but does moving away = running away? Won't that just be a temporary distraction? That's not meant to be a criticism, just that it sounds like you need a passion workwise / lifewise and then everything else will fall into place. Go kick down the door at Lotus or Benetton - aim high. You've got the personality to carry it off!! :)) 'There is no fate but what we make' so go fight for it...you can do it

Hug ! ❤️

I got it. You end up working for years to become Who You Are, and what you end up doing is epic. and now afterwards life seems kind of anti-climactic. what do you do now? you've done so much you've done epic thing, now what? I got it. I'm in that same place.

The Hopi have a prophesy that the world will be saved by the rainbow people..we are those people. Just by being fabulous

You're and adventurer of sorts, I/we can see that you have that in you. Your transition to the beautiful person you are now is only the beginning. Do some soul searching and try new things that you ordinarily wouldn't do like climbing, hiking, mountaineering, or biking. I know you like to run and be outside, so what is stopping you from going walk-about and see the world through your eyes as a true woman. There isn't a thing out there other that is more spiritual and self centering than to be with someone else or even alone and finding your inner self in the wilderness. Like the Appalachian trail, but oh yeah you would have to come to the USA for that.... Visit someplace that is poor and underprivileged (in comparison to Europe or France), like Nepal, make friends, learn something new, and give back to the world even more than you have already. Make more of the great RU-vid videos on the road, Your a grown Woman you can do what you want, when you want. You shouldn't beat yourself up over out outgrowing your former self. You are in-fact - intelligent, beautiful, and strong. Just saying... ;)

Hi Charlie my name dino ricci from Florida. I listen to your i was going to cry if you need talk i am here for you please get back to me

Estrogen!!!!Up and down,You have been on a massive high for pert near three years now.Post GRS,life and friends change,we are supposed to know all this,take your time and put it into compartments,remember,girls cannot drink as much,was that a corona.You must have some Cis girls to talk to.Don't bash yourself up:).EMILY

Get married and settle down, start a family. You're a very beautiful girl and you may just be ready to have a baby.

Self-obsession is so tedious, isn't it? Try to understand and attend to other people as a way of growing up. it works quite well.

Glad you're feeling better. On to your video. The answers as well as the problems are both there in your own words (review your video). My thoughts on the matter would take up too much space here. I've decided to write about it and post it. It's something I've been thinking about for a while (both the problem and about writing of it). Though I'm not trans (intersexed here), I've gone through much of what your feeling (for different reasons of course). If you are interested in me thought on the matter, email me at intersexedpeopleofnj@gmail.com using a new gmail (for your privicy) and I'll send you the text or a link to the post. Good luck lass.

I think you need a serious relationship with a boyfriend, living together I also think you need to at least look into surrogacy options so you could bring up a child together my girlfriend is probably too old for children so Im looking at this now what you have achieved is incredible but I am concerned that in some respects its misleading since most people just wouldn't be as convincing or as attractive as you after transition and I think that isolates them it does make people like me unable to explain why I can't over come my owen hurdles in life given that you have over come something much more challenging although I have a habit of taking on too much

I think you could become an actress. you should be able to get a spot on Doc Martin.