i literally cried when you described grey out because i always thought i was faking it but that is EXACTLY how i experience amnesia. like I know my body is conscious in the moment but I have no idea what just happened
Kim Kim seemed understandably very uncomfortable at the thought that she didn't know about the times you all experienced fugue amnesia. I hope she wasn't too disturbed by it, but that was really interesting. Also, knowing how uncomfortable you are with showing switches thank you for sharing that moment of vulnerability with us.
I wasn’t sure if I should keep it in or not, but it seemed like a timely illustration. Kim Kim was uncomfortable but not deeply upset. She was able to move on pretty quickly after she finished filming :)
Us: 'We don't have amnesia, except for that big chunk up to age 12-ish. Lots of people get that with trauma.' 'Well, I mean, we have had some amnesia since then, but it wasn't that bad, and our communication has been pretty good overall for the past decade, so it doesn't count.' 'Ok, well, sometimes it was that bad, but it doesn't happen anymore, so it doesn't count.' 'Well, a new person just showed up after 6 years and said they were responsible for our lost time over those years, but now we have good communication, so our regular forgetfulness still doesn't count.' *system watches video* 'Oh no.'
I had normalized being a system for so long that I did not even realize I am a system until recently. Nearly my entire life is a grey out. Thank you for this video. I need to get a proper diagnosis soon.
Same, I dont have did or osdd. It really is tho, people tell me they told me smth and I cant recall it. How far I dig into my memory I just cant or they are tryna recall something fun from a day but I cant remember it so just stare at them and am like what? People get very annoyed then. It sucks.
I suffer a lot because my sister keeps falling in this type of conversation amnesia the last 8 years, every time I attempt to discuss with her anything related to a psychiatric abuse experience that I ve had and her repetitively abusive bahaviour towards me due to her not being able to cope with the abuse that I have been through. I do crave to just have one look of validation from her, and so I stupidly keep reopening the discussion. In the past it was all the time, I wasn t coping either and was blind to her not coping, so I overwhelmed her a lot, now I try every few months or years. I now realize that we are both undiagnosed multiples, and the story goes as follows: I try to talk in a calm way about something concerning my experience of abuse, she immediately dissociates, I do not realize that, and keep talking, in a calm, neutral and explanatory way, then she switches into a teen, with a very childlike voice, who agresses me blindly, gaslights me and says horrible sociopath like things to me. In the meantime, without realizing it I also switch to a scared abused teen who feels devastated and helpless for being treated in such a violent way, that teen stays arguing and being abused, and at some point I walk away yelling at the teen alter of my sister. Fun fact, I am 40 years old and she is 44. Afterwards I remember everything, and try to cope with the pain, she doesn t have any memory of the conversation, just that we had been arguing. On top of that, the last couple of years this teen alter of hers fronts whenever I try to share my views on love, healing or justice and political issues. And she shouts at me to stop patronizing her, that what I am saying is just my opinion and that she disagrees. I ve stopped trying, I am deeply traumatized by that, I still talk to my sister and try hard to be loving and supportive, but I really don t know how to reach that teen of hers or how to not switch myself in this kind of situations. Any any of your suggestions or thoughts would be of great value❤❤❤ I wish everybody the best
specific amnesia is something ive experienced (i don’t have did but do have trauma + dissociation) it freaked me out the first time i noticed it, when i got the memory back, because i didn’t understand how i could have forgotten something so important. it also made me super scared that i have memories i haven’t noticed are missing.
This. While I do suspect DID or OSDD, amnesia does scare me a lot as well. I freaked out when I realized my internal self helper was an alter simply because that means something bad happened to me and I can't remember it. He has since reminded me of some of the less bad things we know happened later on in life that still had a big effect on me, but he notes that the "oldest" parts he's spoken with who have explicit memory, their memories start at age 7/8 and they're spotty at best. We have a little who is 4 and we only have a single, 1-minute memory of that age that involved a bad fall, but this little has intense abandonment issues and separation anxiety and we don't know why.
Wonderful! Now I have a term for it! "Grey-out". In my last therapy session I was trying to describe to her one of my memory problems - that I could remember I went to therapy the week before. During the week in my mind I could see the room. Maybe a few key sentences. But the *contents* of the session were gone. I couldn't call it a black out or amnesia because I have the visual of the room and sitting there, what I was wearing, little details and looking across at her, I knew there had been conversation, but damned if I could remember all but a few minutes of what was said.
to give an idea of how long amnesia can last, the first 11 years of our life were pretty much scrubbed except for a few selective memories, since 11 was one of our main roots of our trauma. huge parts of your life can just be erased or tucked away so deeply it might never be found.
@@ryoki_PH I'm assuming going back to rewatch a video I've already seen and wanting to reply to your comment only to find out I've already replied a month ago with literally the exact same reaction I was about to type... isn't normal either -_-;;
Me to my therapist like a month ago: I mean maybe I have osdd, i dont experience amnesia... This video: Appears Me in less than an hour @ my therapy appt: Haha hey Sherry whats up turns out i was wrongggg
@@sapphires4100 This exactly. I always wrote off DID because I don't black out. 10 years before I started considering DID or OSDD I had an alter who wanted to come out during therapy and my psychologist even brought my mom in to see her and my mom said "I've seen her before" but like not referring to me and that scared me. I felt ashamed and like it was a cringey thing to do to let her be seen by my psychologist so I decided I would never talk about it with another therapist again because I thought I was making it up to be a special snowflake or something and they were just imaginary friends or alter egos from my childhood. Then two years ago I had a breakdown and Sage was like Hey, yeah we've existed all this time and you've been trying to ignore it because you feel like an imposter, that the world will never believe you and think you're crazy, as well as you don't fit the media representation of DID or a trauma survivor. So you minimize your traumas and think you had a great childhood but actually let me remind you of everything that we can verify has happened. I'm still trying to deny it, to be honest.
@@BlueHazyDreams oof, I feel that, something I constantly have to remind myself about is that to be faking it, I'd have had to stop and actively decide to fake it , and I have a note somewhere that an alter wrote explicitly saying he was scared we might have it, and it's like, yeah I didnt write that and I never made these people up
@@BlueHazyDreams I'm having a bit of an internal conflict here as well. I'm still pretty sure that I'm forcing or making stuff up for attention, but there's some stuff missing. I'm reading more stuff that's making DID or OSDD seem more likely. It's like the voices, I'm scared that I'm making them up, but they've always been there. I've never had a sense of self, but I have have felt like more than one person. I used to and occasionally refer to myself as we. It doesn't feel like me. I am not me, or at least there is not just one me. And I'm losing conversations. Im only catching parts, and am not aware of what's happening. Do personalities get more active when you acknowledge them? Or am I just realizing/faking it? Sorry about this
I suspect I have osdd1b, I have really often what you called micro amnesia and later I forgot I had it, I remembered it happened sometimes only after a friend told me. Actually she told it happens all the time we hang out: I am talking and then I suddenly stop and ask her what did we say and I actually erased most of the conversation People often got mad because I don't figure out what they are talking about, when discussing something happened 2 hours before
@@Christine_990 you can check the rings system for osdd1b, and for DID I watch this channel and also dissociadid and multiplicityandme. Yes if you have a therapist it's important to talk about every symptom,even if you maybe think this is not important
Something we've noticed is a video on RU-vid, or a TV show on Netflix, will come up as "watched" and whoever is front is like..... I have never seen this in my life 🤣
Memory loss issues are probably one of my biggest issues. I'm known for being intelligent, kind and soft hearted, patient, creative ... And for being a complete ditz because I can't remember stuff that happened moments ago. ( I'm also known for having a spectacular temper, being impatient and impulsive, and solving problems by 'doing the thing' depending on what parts are at the controls.) Memory issues though ... Are my worst issue. Thank you for making the video.
I know this is an old reply, but me too! Actually one of the things I am having most difficulty with. Definitely the grey-out stuff but so so frustrating that I don't remember things from minutes or even seconds ago so often. My therapist asked me a question and I thought for a few seconds then had to ask her to repeat it because I'd already forgotten what the question was. Or I've forgotten what I've said 30 seconds ago. It's like some weird-ass now-I'm-here-now-I'm-not. Used to be more of a many-times daily get up to do something or get something, reach the door and no idea what it was, sit back down, repeat several times. These days is more likely to happen when going upstairs or to another room to get something. I come away with something else entirely or start cleaning.... I have to write down so much, if it's things people are going to want me to remember. I don't know what to call it. It's almost like it seems like con-consciousness, but at the same time seems like a couple of us aren't actually co-conscious but are almost micro-switching back and forth. Like she "jots down" the question but blanks out while she's looking for the answer and then I'm here instead knowing that a question's been asked but not remembering what it was. So I ask again. Then am interrupted as someone pops up with an answer to a previous question and they don't seem to realise that the question was asked 10 minutes ago. So everything keeps circling, like the waves crashing on a beach and how one wave rushes in over the last one, back and forth although gradually moving forwards. Not just questions, but just loads of day to day stuff. It's really problematic. I've read so many times about amnesia in DID/DDNOS but for longer periods of time. But literally forgetting what you've said, been asked, or done or though about doing 30 seconds ago doesn't seem to fit. Then ending up with the whole time being "greyed-out".
This amnesia has happened so much recently... but what is really scary is how much of it is just being... ignored. Like when I look back there is so much I don’t remember but I just... shrugged it off. It was only recently where I got really noticeable grey outs and got scared. Thanks for explaining this all in the video. It really helped to get an explanation of things that actually are happening to me.
So the running joke in my family is my bad memory. I remember bits of things but huge chunks are just gone... like they use to say "oh remember when *xyz* happened? So crazy!" And i would just give them a blank stare, and they would be all "oh my gosh! You were there! Here's a picture! You even wrote about it in school" And I would just look at the papers like 🤔🤷♀️ I dont remember most teachers I've had or places we've apparently lived..and I know that's weird...and either I was a total space cadet as a kid (which I've been told I wasn't), something is physically wrong with my brain, or there I things that I might not even want to remember.. which is terrifying.. but I'm also morbidly curious.. like its crazy to me that I might have the ability to remember... I just dont know how to go about doing that.. 🤷♀️ Anywho, lots of love and awesome video💚❤🖤💛🧡💗💙💜
I need to apologize. I left a comment saying I want DID, and while I believe my intentions were good, expressing it at all probably caused some harm. I am truly sorry, and I'll try not to do things like that again.
First off, thank you for acknowledging that comment as...well, shortsighted. Secondly, as long as you know it was shortsighted, it's perfectly fine. You're merely looking at DID, with a sense of wonder and romanticism. It's like wishing to live in the 1920's, a simpler time. However, the reality is rather disappointing, from technological, medicinal, and mostly social shortcomings. It certainly could have an appeal to us today, but this view, in the big picture, is rather flawed. You are merely doing the same thing with a DID. You are thinking of the possible good traits. For example, you may never be lonely(not at all true), you can have different abilities, and knowledge that you're not even aware of, and you're just looking at it in a positive light. There is nothing wrong with this. I would just like to thank you for realizing the error of that train of thought!
Legitimately spaced out while Kim Kim was talking about selective amnesia and then almost forgot which part of the video I needed to watch over again because I had spaced out and missed it...yeah, I think our dissociation is a bit strong today! We often feel very invalid because our amnesia “isn’t that bad” but I think I (the host) get amnesia of our amnesia, at least that’s what the others tell me.
Me: Oh wow cool Also me: *Dissociates looking at something in the background multiple times and has to keep repeating segments because we didn't intake any information* o irony
Damn, I really needed the validation this video gave me. I greyed out through something really traumatizing and when I finally "recalled" it, it felt weird because I DID remember it before - it felt more like I didnt awknowledge it as a memory fully, as if it was at the back of my mind and had to be brought up front for me to deal with.
Oh my gosh. When you started to talk about Micro- Amnesia, I freaked out. The exact same thing happens to me. I'll have a conversation (or argument) with someone and then I'll forget what was said. Sometimes it happens immediately, or maybe after a few minutes, sometimes hours. It really freaks me out and it's really annoying.
I know my abuser hurt me, but I don't remember what he did to me. On his death bed he apologized to me for "What I did to you." Then he died. I couldn't ask him what he did. Another time I was called into a meeting with my teachers and my parents because they suspected I was being abused. As I had no memory I had to say "No" when they asked if someone was abusing me. My abuser beamed from ear to ear.
this video really helped me realize that i have dissociative amnesia. i used to think i didn't have very good memory. the whole "it can set in later" really floored me. i had a very traumatic fight with my father recently and had flashbacks for weeks afterwards, unable to leave my room, and could recall every detail, but now, a month later, i can't recall a single word that was said. i only know the fight happened. this whole time i kept doubting myself, thinking i was overreacting since i cant even remember now. must have not been so bad of a fight. but now i know my body (or my alters, i havent been diagnosed yet) were hiding it from me.
Dissociative amnesia can happen to anybody, but it's most commonly paired with a dissociative disorder. Meaning it could happen with DID, it could happen with PTSD, it could happen with depersonalization. This isn't a system-only thing but DID systems do tend to be more compartmentalized when it comes to memories
I love you guys and your whole system. You are the most bravest people I know. I cannot imagine how terrifying amnesia would be on a daily basis. Your whole system is amazing for learning ways to try to cope with that. I hope you guys take care and have a wonderful and safe time during the crisis that we're going through. I don't know much about DID but I love learning about it and your video help me educate myself and help others understand as well. You are helping both me and our society become more open minded towards these things and I thank you for that. Stay safe and I hope you guys are doing well.
I never found it strange that I can't remember my life up to the age of fourteen until the amnesia happened more often and also in different forms. It's scary and upsetting and definitely one of the things that makes me think I might have a form of did or osdd.
8:40 Wow, we BIG relate to this lol. I used to have really big, bad, blow-up, HUGE arguments with our parents before we discovered we had DID. Our Primary Protector, Matthew, is uh... very good at being mad at people who make Micah (me, the host lol) upset, so he would be very aggressive about not wanting to work anything out after an argument which would make everything worse. Matthew and I don’t have a ton of amnesia between us as when we were first diagnosed Matthew was the main person who reached out and wanted to kind of “hold my hand” through everything. But when having a big argument with our parents, Matthew coming out and trying to protect me usually lead to very fuzzy memories of being incredibly angry and upset but no idea why or what happened. Pretty inconvenient when trying to have a better relationship with your parents... Hah. Thankfully, after almost 2 years of hard work, we’ve been able to work things out with our parents and they’re incredibly accepting of the disorder and are helping us through the process of fighting our abusers with law enforcement, which has made a huge difference.
Wynne Williams thank you so much ❤️ it has been and will be hard work but it’s finally paying off... also now we have two helping hands with the very uh... excitable littles lolllll
This is a mood. I don’t have DID but I might have OSDD - I need to talk it over with my therapist but every time I go to therapy it suddenly feels like the dumbest idea ever. Anyway, I high key relate. I can get into absolutely massive fights with my mom and be told that I said mean things that I don’t remember at all and that don’t even sound like me in the slightest. My mom does the same, actually - she’ll say fucked up shit to me and then she won’t remember that she said it, either, and honestly I think she might have dissociative issues too. It’s gotten a lot better over the last few years but it’s hard because I want to be mature and kind and empathetic to her own struggles and I don’t want to escalate arguments, but sometimes I do and I don’t even mean to or want to.
@@Anna-cu7iz Also relate. My mom told me that while she was dating my dad, they referred to one of her "sides" as the "Dark Betty" (name change for confidentially). As far as I know, she is only diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety. Growing up we used to escalate each other. Around 16 whatever part of me that was fighting her went dormant, something shifted and anger was suddenly not okay to show anymore according to that host, actively rebelling wasn't okay, we think a part who had split off years prior returned to host instead and she was suddenly very affectionate with our parents again and trying to be the good child. We left home at 18 and now we try to spend as little time with our parents as possible because we are different people with and without them around, and it's more unpleasant with them around. Our mom thinks it's better that way anyway, even though she loves us and wants to be around us, because the more time we spend together, the more we fight and the more I become someone I don't want to be. Parts can never forgive them for the abuse and neglect, and other parts have no idea what it was that they even did to us, adore them and and tell everyone we had a perfectly normal childhood and don't get why we have the mental health issues we do.
Right now Im working with my therapist to determine if I just have c-ptsd or if I have a dissociative disorder (but unsure whether it's did or osdd) and I just wanted to say how helpful videos like this are for people trying to understand their symptoms and whats going on in their lives. A lot of this was very spot on for my experience and Im considering showing this to my therapist to help explain how my memory loss is, especially grey outs. I've been calling it partial amnesia because i can recall bits and pieces but there's nothing in-between. I never ever ever remember arguments and it's the most frustrating thing ever because it upsets other people and it upsets me and makes me feel really guilty and ashamed. And so much more but I dont want to ramble on and on about how much this makes sense, but I could really go on connecting more and more dots because of the information in this video.
Dissociative Amnesia is very scary leaving you feeling so insecure. You must literally depend on those around you to keep you safe, especially during a fugue state. I miss ya alls videos, hope all is well.
me: Has a horrendous memory Also me: Watches video Me again: ponders for a split second if I have DID Still me: Decides I don't, but gives the video a like!
I’m a childhood cancer survivor and cannot remember most of of the next two years following diagnosis. I will have moments break through, but it’s mostly gone. I was warned about it before treatment began, but as a 34 year old, it’s still a thing. There are movies, music, common pop culture things that I have zero recall of. I also can’t remember personal information from that time period.
A few years ago I was going through a very rough time in my personal home life, and had an unhelpful therapist. I would come to after a week, even though apparently I was functioning just fine during that week, and not remember more than two to three memories a day! Amnesia seemed to set in at the end of each day. I remember being really scared because I sat down to take a test, and I had *never* seen the names or places on the test before, but I knew I’d been in class every day of that unit. Not even vague memories of the material. This happened on and off and I nicknamed them “sleep weeks” because it felt like I woke up at the end of them. Haven’t really experienced this since but definitely experience other grey outs! Very interesting and informative :) ♡
jesus, youve described everything perfectly with how we experience amnesia! thank you for this video, i didnt really think what i was going through was normal
When I asked my therapist about me having DID, and she hadn’t seemed to acknowledge that Grey outs happen, but now that you’ve explained it, there is a chance I Grey out with selective amnesia instead of blacking out, I’ll have to talk to her again because I know it’s more than me feeling different when I have different feelings.
Most of my life I was in denial about what was happening which must've been more than just frustrating for the others haha Especially when it comes to amnesia I was like "oh but I can remember things and dreams from when I was 3-4 so obviously nothing too bad in my life could've happened because else I would've had a complete blackout" But now I do know that it's not how things work. And in our daily lives amnesia & dissociation does cause a lot of trouble (or just frustration). I have to put sticky notes everywhere and write down important things that happened because in the past I used to think "oh, I'm aware of what's going on now so obviously I'll remember" but later those memories would just jog away. I also know that I had a weird view on what amnesia is. For some reason I thought that you always know if there's something missing like in a book where someone ripped out a page and the numbers counting the pages don't add up. Oh the denial It is just a bit sad when my boyfriend tells me about a trip we did together and I can't remember it. Not because something bad happened but because maybe I switched or someone else was co con and accidentally took that memory with them But we manage and my boyfriend is also super understanding which is amazing. It's just nice knowing that all of us are safe with him (especially the littles. He loves buying them candy and cuddly toys haha)
makeup on point, kimkim! i always like the term "partial amnesial" over "selective amnesia" because the latter was always used in a pejorative way by various people in my life, like i was somehow doing it on purpose. i appreciate you specifically stating that selective does not mean you're choosing to forget those things; i wish my parents had recognized that i wasn't choosing to "conveniently" forget things as a kid, because really, that should have been a red flag something was up. but it's no different than the way selective is used referring to selective amnesia. it just means it's not 100% total and 100% all the time. also, thank you for leaving in the bit with andrew. that was a very real and topical illustration, so maybe a happy accident, if not exactly a welcome one.
Bro this video really helped a LOT. It really kinda gave me that push to shut out my anxiety about my amnesia being normal and unimportant and gave me the motivation to reach out to a professional. So thank you!!!
i'd love to see you talk about DID in eastern media (Jekyl, Hyde, and me; Kill me Heal me;) I see you know about dangaronpa which touches on "did". I'd love to see you discuss this topic. Great vid Kim Kim!
I have not been assessed for dissociative disorders. I am 31. Part of what brought me to follow this channel was because of a conversation that I had with a childhood friend. My friend was reminiscing about our middle school experience and brought up something that heavily involved me and I was uncomfortable when I realized that I had no memory of this experience. But the behaviors and things I supposedly did sounded very much like something I would do. It was kind of like the adult experience of having drank to excess and blacked out the previous night and then getting told about what you said and did that you don't remember. Except that the memory she was sharing happened when I was 11 years old and neither of us began experimenting with substances until we were both in college. It was very unsettling to realize that there were big chunks of my 3 middle school years that I just don't remember. I do however remember elementary school fairly well, which is why the contrast between remembering an older time period better than a newer one made me feel unsettled. I have also, as a young adult, experienced a short blackout when I felt cornered and the need to defend myself. I was not in physical danger but a peer who was taller than me snatched my phone from me and wouldn't give it back when I asked him to. I don't know why but having been very upset leading up to this I chose to try to take my phone back by force at which point I blacked out and when the memory gap ended, a few seconds later I think, I was on the ground in the gutter and everyone was standing around staring at me with looks like I was some kind of monster. I apologized to the guy who snatched my phone a day or two later and he was surprisingly cool about it (unlike most other people who were present that day) and he told me it was water under the bridge. But yeah, lost some time there too. Anyway, thank you for having your channel and making awesome informative videos like this one. The in-depth compare and contrast that you provided for each type of amnesia was very helpful and insightful.
I've known I have amnesia of my early years for a long while, and more than was "normal" for people. I don't remember my age in the few scattered memories I have, but I believe up until 7 years old is practically blackout, with only a select few moments from 5-6 years old. And my memory between 7-12 years is spotty at best. I only recently remembered that I once met my stepfather well after he'd been married to, had a child with, and divorced from my mother, and _had no idea who he was._ Whenever that series of events was, I should've been able to at least recognize him, but I didn't. I don't remember a single thing about having him as a father figure. I don't remember most of my childhood, for that matter. Only fragments, most of which have to be prompted by something else, and are still hazy at best. Idk what the point of this comment was. Maybe just to vent.
I remember once I was in a therapy and all at once I came to and realized I was talking because my jaw was moving. I freaked out and I quickly asked my therapist what the question was because I didn't even know what I had been talking about. She said it was okay and told me what happened and I gave my input and still didn't know what I had said. I had no clue I entered that dissociative state. And to make it embarrassing I don't think she had ever asked a question. I've been diagnosed with DID years ago and honestly I struggle with accepting it.
Hey, everyone! When you talked about "giving each other bits and pieces from inside to fill in gaps" - we are REALLY good at this - but it didn't use to be that way. Drove us nuts for awhile, but with practice, we've gotten so much better at it. Of course we were in therapy before your system was even born - LOL - and it's been a long road....but SO WORTH IT! Love you all so much!
This video is blowing my mind bc this is how my memory works 99% of the time. It feels like you’re just describing how memory works in general, not memory loss lol
DISCLAIMER: This comment is not about DID, I have never been diagnosed and I don't think it applies to me at all, so it's from an outsider perspective and I could be wrong about the intensity of the amnesia. It's interesting how selective amnesia sounds a lot like what I do from time to time. Losing track of time and not remembering most of what I've been doing for hours can happen when I'm invested in a book or playing comfort game that doesn't require a lot of attention, or even just daydreaming in general (although daydreaming has reduced a lot since my teens). I've also lost entire periods of a couple of years of my life and names and details related to it that were vividly clear back then, that I remember cherishing and keeping it, but that my brain completely disposed off later on because of stressful events happening around that time. So I think I've experienced at least once localized amnesia, as you described it. I didn't know it could happen in so many ways. I knew about selective memory, but that was it, I think?
Wow! Your videos are always so helpful! I recently discovered I have a dissociative disorder (we're not sure yet if its OSDD or DID). One thing we've been struggling with is validity and having grey outs. We think "oh we remember some things so we must not qualify". But the more I watch your videos the more validated I feel. I just want to say thank you so much for all that you guys do! Much love from The Gem System.
For a long time as a teen I thought I had DID but then when I got older I was like "Well I don't have amnesia so I must be faking myself out." Except I live most of my life in grey outs. I thought I just had a poor memory. I don't remember much about significant vacations, about meetings, about conversations - just a general feeling or a few very specific details. This video is making me rethink a lot of things.
Dissociative amnesia and grey outs can happen with PTSD as well as most dissociative disorders. I think your best bet is to talk to a psychiatrist or multiple psychiatrists and be as honest about your experience as possible to get a diagnosis, it's definitely pretty helpful to understanding what's going on. And if you do or don't have DID it's okay, it just matters what you do have and what you can get help for if you're struggling.
We're 50 & were diagnosed with DID when were late teens. This video is so helpful for us understanding our different dissociative amnesias. We've been in trauma therapy and are finally getting help with living with DID. Thank you so much! I'm going to share with family and friends so they can understand better.
A problem we have is that different alters, particularly littles/trauma holders/scared protectors, (we are polyfragmented) will each remember an event in their own unique way. Like through a particular cognitive/emotional filter. If one or more alters are triggered, more chaos ensues. This also contributes to miscommunications and misunderstandings, particularly with our therapist! And internally. We have tried recording therapy sessions. There have been technical difficulties, plus it’s still too difficult for most of us to here whichever alter(s) voices. But like you, we mostly try to roll with it and thankfully can and do trust our therapist.
I've just recently learnt that what's been wrong with my memory and brain function is due to this disorder. It's such a relief to learn that I'm not just slowly losing my mind
I'm literally so stoked y'all are back! when I first started watching y'all, I was a college dropout just beginning my DID recovery process. now, I'm a graduate student doing a thesis on DID in the form of a book-length work of literary journalism. y'all are a huge part of why I started very seriously researching and wanting to get on the advocacy and education train. to have you back doing these videos now that I'm halfway through my MFA is serendipitous! also, same haircut, but ours is green, lol. y'all look fantastic with the fuchsia!!
The way I explain my dissociative amnesia is I have an idea what has happened (sat in the living room, ate food etc) but the details are gone (what was I doing in the room, what did I eat and how much, what did the food taste like and did I like the food etc). If I watch something again, I have an idea I've already seen it before but can't remember when or what exactly happened. I have 'appeared' places, but it's more I remember getting there, just the details and time passing is blurred, and I'm not really sure why I decided to go there, but I can be told why and it comes back to me. A 'grey out' is a really good name for it!
I don’t necessarily know if this is a dumb question to ask or if anyone will even answer but this seems like a really good group of people to ask it around; is it possible to have this kind of amnesia without having DID? From the sounds of it I have experienced both localized amnesia and selective amnesia (there are extremely large parts of my life missing, as well as stuff like not being able to remember chunks of traumatic events, and even recently, not being able to remember entire days that just happened.) and I dissociate a lot, always have. But I’m unsure if you can have these types of amnesia without DID, that’s why I thought to I’d ask. Either way, this video is really helpful for me to learn more about something that’s really unknown and a bit scary for me right now, so I can’t thank you guys enough for making this video 💜
I was adamant I had no amnesia because I don’t have complete blackouts or wake up in a different place or any of the more drastic indicators. But everything you described in this video fits and has happened to me. I feel a little more validated and understood now ❤️
The micro amnesia has caused so many fights between myself and my husband w/ DID. He seems to 'check out' when the conversations are particularly emotional for him, and his main Alter doesn't step in to protect it cover for him. It's caused so much damage to our relationship that seems almost irreparable. I definitely want to support him, and I'm trying to learn patience, but is becoming too much.
That is exactly what made me believe my diagnosis. I didn't tell a single person about waking up in New places and new clothes as it genuinely made me feel 'crazy'. Thank you for sharing fantastic information
I remember watching your videos back in high school just because I was interested in the subject and now studying psychology in uni watching you to understand amnesia better made me a little emotional 🥺
i have such bad amnesia, i always thought it was just bad memory but there are certain events have no recollection of, i have gaps and have blocked out certain truamas. this video is really informative
Lately i been reading into childhood amnesia thar revolves of why most of us cant remember early childhood and when memory is form.also on why most of my memory feels like a dream more than it actually happened and the chunks of memory gaps i have.like when i had surgery at 6.how most of my school years got all mixed in to one another.memory is complex,.thanks for this video .i hope you all have a nice day.
I love how much information is given I learn so much watching all these videos! I watch almost all of them. Thank you Kim Kim along with everyone else love all of your videos.
Thank you! It's such relief to see there are actually official terms for my various "amnesia-like but is it really?" instances. I do also have some alters that pass me information sometimes. It is a bit unpredictable. Hugs.
I always assumed the amnesia aspect of someone in a system not knowing how they got somewhere was to do with another alter having been out with amnesic barriers preventing the other person from being aware, i didn't know this also happened from the "grey out" type amnesia too, thanks for teaching us this!
Oh my god, I don't know how much I've needed a video like this! This somehow made me feel validated because I'm currently trying to get a diagnosis but my amnesia settles in later, so it doesn't happen immediately, and so I thought I was somehow faking, but this just made me feel so validated! Thank you so much for making this video! Your videos have helped me learn so much about DID and I can never thank you enough! Lots of love!! ❤❤
I don't have DID myself but I want to learn a lot about it and I love this channel and how open and honest you are about everything. Thank you so much for all the work and love you all put in this channel, really! I've been binge watching all your videos and learning a lot!
Welcome back..I hope your rest away went well.Good information.Grey out,i have those at less once in my life no memory driving 14 miles and no accident doing that period..i have memory pulling out the driveway and the next memory coming too,confused/disoriented at a traffic light 14 miles later nearly 1/2 hour later.
I am learning SO MUCH from you! I have PTSD but didn't realize that my amnesia could be related. I can remember almost nothing of my school days. Thank you for giving me a new perspective on it. Be well, my dears. xxx
I have had DPDR and C-PTSD since childhood and a lot of the symptoms you talked about really hit home for me, so much so that i sent this video to my therapist c:
Thank you!!! This is the main thing that has held me back and bothered me; I rarely have a blackout, and it left me wondering what was wrong with me that I didn't fit this criteria basically. I have grey outs aaaalllllllll the time! And we share memories well, but they have to be activated generally - in that memory jogged way, but it can be from items around the house or things people say or us talking in the head to purposely bring stuff up and get on the same page. Also, I definitely have that later onset amnesia a LOT! Good to know that's an official thing. And the localized amnesia of course, but that was the one piece of all this I did already know about.
My memories are scattered. I try to organize them into a narrative and then my dissociation scrambles everything again. I have too many traumatic memories for my brain to process. So I can only process some of them at a time. But once I’m processing those memories, the other memories are buried. They are recoverable, but I once forgot that I have a brother… and that freaked me out.
Watching this is incredibly jarring. We thought that we were an OSDD-1b system because we didn't remember much, if any, amnesia, but hearing all of this is uncomfortably familiar.
Thank you for putting this one out today specifically - we are in the process of the initial "got DID" debriefing with our mom, and this is a very relevant video to one of the harder to explore questions for us. ♡♡♡ "Well blackouts aren't the only way amnesia occurs" is a very important topic...
Oh man. My memory problems in a video... And it actually happening like convos i end up having with my own partner. That was a great shot of valid juice for something thats been really bothering me a LOT lately, thank you!
