it might be a good idea to still direct them towards a different choice, like which toothbrush or toothpaste to use, or if they're little, who will brush them
@@Kelly_C I most likely won't be using it for brushing teeth. My toddler thankfully likes brushing his teeth. I personally would likely use this to get him into a bath, or to get him to eat something.
Why do I wanna save this video for when I’m feeling too depressed to practice daily hygiene? It’s the perfect amount of supportive/encouraging but just enough command for me to get up
I LOVE the way u pose it as something that isnt optional but is a situation where they still have options like helping them register what they can and cant control
Omg why didn’t I know that I could be so commanding and still gentle parent….I am literally the first mom and have been for 11years. I thought I had to be like this for my autistic kids. Omg im in tears! Why didn’t I see this years ago!?
Because society is full of zombies and everyone is a freaking pussy. 11 years?!!!!! Did you not have siblings? Did you ever baby sit. And this just in: you are 11 years too late. If you just do a 180 on your kid at this point, he is going to be or she is going to be completely confused, angry, probably feeling unloved, will rebel against you because you spent 11 years treating your child like a freaking baby. It's instinctual to know how to be a mother. However, by a media and other evil means, society has been brainwashed to do the opposite of what actually is correct. So I'm not judging you and I'm not blaming you, but if you yourself don't have your moral compass pointed in the right direction, how do you expect to parent effectively? Honestly spare the rod, spoil the child. Now the word spoil was used intentionally because back then when you thought of the word spoil it would mean that your food has gone rotten or your crops have been spoiled by an insect invasion. However because the word spoiled brat has been used in the popular lexicon for probably at least 40 to 50 years, the meaning has gotten lost in translation. I'm not even saying that you have to physically put hands on your children like you don't need to spank your children however, if you do not discipline them, you will spoil them, you will ruin them, make them rotten.... And that's on you. Seek refuge in God, he will never steer you wrong.
Also if your kids are autistic, are they not seeing a specialist? And are the specialist not consulting with you? I miss I don't know when you found out your child or children had autism. However, it is a spectrum and you cannot deal with an autistic child the same way you would a child without autism. And again because autism is a spectrum, it really depends where your child falls within that spectrum in terms of how you need to deal with certain behavioral issues. I have no medical credentials. However studied philosophy and psychology in University. I find it very odd that you would drop this comment like it's normal. 11 years?? No specialist has given you any advice or imparted any wisdom when it comes to your specific child? I don't know if the woman creating this content has a child with autism, but even if she does, it doesn't reflect how you should be treating your child. Because again, autism is a spectrum and every child is unique and is going to present unique challenges and joy. Please 🙏🏾 don't do a 180 on your autistic child because of this lady's advice or whatever TF she thinks she's doing. This lady is out of her ever loving mind. Did you not hear her voice in the second"approach", when she said her daughter's name, (kristunnnnn) like she was in middle school and talking shit to her middle school friend????? Also, I'm all for colored hair and everything artistic. But this lady looks a mess. I'm sorry, but can you imagine her as your mom????? As she gets all snarky and bitchy . NOPE, I would be in permanent rebellion, until mom had an epiphany.
@@J_Honor_ im fairly certain shes just digging the being gentle but firm in a way thats more informative and less authoritative. I dunno thats it goes quite thaaat deep.
"It's ok that you don't like it, you still have to do it." And giving 2 concrete choices. YES I work with teens and adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities, and this type of compassionate limit-setting is so helpful and understandable and definitely helps avoid meltdowns and helps make the experience more positive for everyone involved, and also helps the person doing it feel more empowered and accomplished about the outcome of the choice they made.
“I can brush your teeth or you can brush your teeth” reminds me of when I was like 4. My parents were pretty understanding of how much I hated it since our family has a history of sensory sensitivities so they tried to help make it more fun, but at the same time they’d sometimes just get sick of my complaining
I wish my parents had been a lot more understanding, instead they just gave up fighting with me on trying to brush my teeth and let me not do it for several years instead of helping by figuring out *why* I didn't like it so much, until I realised I actually needed to start doing it a few years ago and now I do it when I remember to because it's not a long term habit for me
I love your/her videos because it gave me an affirmation that I’m doing a decent job communicating with kids. I don’t have children of my own but my husbands side of the family already have young children, niece, nephew and a very young brother. And I try to just talk to them at their level but not baby them. I did sometimes worry maybe I’m too mature with them but they need a family guidance it just their parents. There parents always resort to yelling and instant aggressive punishment because that is how they were raised. I wasn’t raised like that but I was belittle and looked down on by my immigrant parents and I don’t agree with that type of relationship. When I was young I wanted to just me spoken to and educated so I understood why and how and when. Not “because I said so” by adults. I need logic and answers to help me grow to become a person with knowledge not a robot child that heeded to adults every need. Because when I was a young adult I had a strange relationship with authoritative figures. Whether I get shy, scared, nervous, or respond hand and foot. As a matured adult I realized “I don’t have to at like a servant. I have a voice, opinion and rights.” I taught myself when to say yes and when to say no. Learn to not take more in my plate than I could handle. I learned to draw the line. Before I would over work myself being a “yes sir” because I thought that was normal. I was “raised” and “conditioned” by my parents to be like that. I still respect people. But most importantly I treat people they way I want to be treated and treated people they way they treat me and when I need to walk away I politely excuse myself. Because I surrounded myself with diversity of different cultures, races and opinions I realized what it really means to being human and be civilized. I’m not perfect but I want to respect all ages. One thing that bothered me in the past and present is when parents would order their children, borderline force them to hug and kiss people on the cheek like they were pets even when the child didn’t want to. My parents never did such thing but it bothers me when my niece is forced to hug or kiss someone who is not her parents. It teaches them “no boundary” value. And I’m worried it will affect her when she’s in her teenage years when a boy or man would force her to do something when she didn’t want to.
You can never be too mature for children. You are leading and teaching them how to be the best adult they can be. I am very proud of you for being an awesome aunt, cousin, and more.
LOVE that the feelings are validated, the kid is told “you have the powaaaa,” you give them reasons why we do the thing they don’t like, and are still fun and true to who you are.
Same, my sister has a gentler approach with her kids and they literally rule the roost and dictate what goes on in their house whilst I'm there being stern and firm when my kids are refusing to get dressed or have their nappies changed or trying to climb into the oven and feeling guilty that I appear to be "shouting" at my kids a lot more than she does. It took me a long time to realise that I'm not shouting, and that a child sometimes needs a firm no to stop doing something dangerous. It's nice to see another parent raise their kids in a similar way to me, it makes me feel vindicated in my parenting choice.
I love the way you parent. This is exactly how I'm going to be if I ever decide to adopt. Also fun fact the other reason why you should brush your baby teeth is because it can soak down into your adult teeth and cause a cavity. I learned that as a kid when I had a tooth that had a tiny one starting they could see in this x-ray so when it came through they filled it.
I'm just imagining an extension of that scenario where the kid goes "my teeth aren't stinky!" and try to blow in my face to make their point and then I have an exaggerated reaction at the smell, pretend to gag and almost throw up, end up actually throwing up because of my sensitive gag reflex, and traumatize the kid into brushing their teeth daily. But also they develop a complex about possibly having bad breath. I'm the "fun" aunt 😅
I loooooove your videos!! Sometimes I get lost in being nice and not yelling, but then it turns into being passive and then I let my kid chose everything when I know it shouldn’t be that way. So thanks for the tips! It helps!
I laughed so hard when you said, "head hole"!!! Your nicknames are super funny!! I've got to use some on my kid!!! BTW I love the green, so bold, and vibrant..
I sound like the first version of gentle parenting when I talk to kids.. Lol. I feel like I'm good with kids, but I honestly can't wait until I'm as fluid with it as you are 😂
it’s a good thing that you give them those options! it makes the child think they are in control, and no matter which option they pick, their teeth get cleaned!
I have watched sooo many of these and one thing that I love the most is showing that you don't have to adjust to language that doesn't sound like your voice. You can still be respectful and caring while being yourself. You don't have to take on anyone's "script" and it doesn't/shouldn't be cute. What matters is the respect, connections and giving them choices, even when there doesn't seem to be one. And sometimes having to help them do things/make a choice.
Lmao I have to do this sometimes. For the most part, my eldest asks to brush her teeth and the younger ones follow because they want to do what she’s doing too
I love that you give the example of giving choices despite not having the option of going without doing a basic functional need like teaching kids how to brush their teeth. No sugar coating.❤
As a bonus mom who doesn't have kids of her own, you have helped me so much to become an awesome mom and I can't thank you enough. You made me realize that I'm not perfect and I'm still human
I recently decided that I need to change my parenting style because my toddler hasn’t been responding and this channel has been one of the best tools to help me. Thank you. Keep being awesome.
“You do it or I will” is a phrase I have used SO many times, especially since the kids are bigger. They don’t like it when I brush their hair; do it yourself properly then so I don’t have to.
Omg the “you have two options “ took me back. My dad used to say that all the time granted he’d follow up with, if I have to do it it won’t be as pleasant.
This reminds me of having to learn how to tell my teen nephew he needs a shower in a way that didn’t upset him. Learned to focus on a good timeline for showers and give gentle reminders instead of just saying he was getting stinky. Having us all on the same shower schedule during our travels or overnights was super helpful too so he knew it wasn’t personal - it was time for all of us.
I always appreciate that even though you are firm that the thing (brushing teeth, going to bed, etc) needs to happen, you still give them choices about HOW it happens so that they still feel autonomous. It really helps when you feel like you have some sense of control of the situation, and it is a good balance between making it clear that something needs to happen for their own well-being and teaching them to do it, while protecting their sense of control so they don't feel strong-armed into it. I always feel resistant about doing something when I feel strong-armed into doing it, even if it's something that I actually do want to do. I'm not a mom but I hope someday I will be and you are a great example to me of how I can be more gentle but firm with myself and be a better parent one day when I do have kids. My own mom really struggled with getting us to do things like chores, and I think part of why how she did it didn't work is because she would oscillate between strong-arming us and then giving up all together bc it was too hard. I didn't really learn how to clean until I went to college, and I'm still trying to learn to be disciplined with homework and other tasks that I feel like I "should" do -- things I want to do for myself and might even be very interested in but struggle to start the task because it feels like an external force is expecting it of me so I don't feel a lot of autonomy around it. This is a great reminder that I do have choices around these tasks and that I can empower myself by making them.
I like the “either you can brush your teeth or I can” statement. Giving your children a choice but still getting the job done can make the experience less painful lol. Either way they get their teeth brushed, but you made them feel a sort of independence in the matter because they got to choose something. Important.
You have become one of my favorites creators.. And honestly I can't stand parenting videos.. too long to explain why, but my point is your content is great and relatable, thank you.
I have to say your channel has helped me a lot with my boys who are 6&3 I often find myself overwhelmed and frustrated. You’ve helped me find a way to handle those moments without feeling like I have to raise my voice. My oldest has always been taught his feelings matter and it’s ok to be frustrated and angry or just sad or whatever else emotion he feels and he’s been teaching his little brother the same it’s cute.
The one that really worked for me for mine, even at 2!, Was explaining sugar bugs (bacteria) would eat on their teeth while they sleep if they don't brush well. We get great reviews from the dentist! Thanks for showing kind and firm parenting the world needs!
"No cavities today kid, good job." That feels so fucking reassuring.. I struggle so hard with self care. I've got it in my head that "What's the point? I'll keep forgetting, and it'll get bad anyways." One more day is the point. Doing it on the days that I CAN means one day longer that it wont be a problem. Even if I don't do it every time, sometimes is still better than never.
Honestly thank you for this video. Kiddo is 2.5 and I struggle with being too passive sometimes. The "I can do it or you can do it" dynamic has been very helpful lately.
My mom always gave me choices like that. Choices like “do you want to do it or do you want me to do it?” or “do you want to do it now or in 5 minutes?” It works great. I felt like I had a say, but whatever needed to get done still got done.
I found that brushing alongside my parents was motivating... and it makes them to do it regularly too! (Being a parent is stressful and some hygiene practices go by the way-side)
I used to have the same conversation every morning and night now he loves doing it cuz I started brushing my teeth with him and made it a together activity ☺️☺️
This is what I been trying to “teach” my abusive mom to do with my little sister she “changed” her parenting with her but it’s so toxic I don’t want a little kid to feel like she can’t say anything to her mother she comes to me to share her emotions idk how I’m gonna leave when she relies on me so much
I love the “choices”! I do the same w my kids, now 11 and 8! I give them choices that either way they are going to do what they need to do! Haha love it
Yep,that's exactly the mom I am. It's like a old school parenting,but with dialogue instead of ass whooping. It's really hard not to be overprotective in this day in age, but I didn't want them to go out in the world not knowing how to do shit. It's a fine line. I said it 14 years ago and I still stand by this...Parenting is the hardest job EVER because you have multiple roles and most of the times you really need to rely on your common sense. Working out so far lol.
In our house, we call these "non-preferred non-negotiables", a phrase stolen (with permission) from our favorite OT, originally when discussing my toddler daughter who is has ASD and HATES bath time. "I know you hate it, but we gotta do it."
