That’s the thing tho. When I use that phrase, I’m not sorry for my actions. I’m sorry you feel the way you feel about my actions. I wish you felt differently, and I’m sorry you don’t.
Bloody hell normally takes 4 grams of mushrooms and a lot of time to get somebody with this personality disorder to open up to me. Thank you for your honesty it's hard for empathic people to not try and help because the sad truth is you are a victims, victims of your child hoods which you didn't choose. A friend told me he didn't understand what love is and he is surrounded darkness.
Jacob!!! want to literally shake AND hug you after reading these two things, right now😂😂💞. You intrinsically understand sO mUch mOre than I feel you fully realize as of yet🤘🌬🤘 @TheNamelessNarcissist
I tried all of that and it didn’t work at all! He continued to be offended, even when I said that I liked all the parts of him, the good and not so good. I told him that he’s still a person worthy of love, flaws and all. He basically got upset and told me that I didn’t make any sense. He said that I wasn’t a smart person for doing that and then went on to belittle me. He said that unlike me, he actually has standards and won’t tolerate someone like that. Then pointed out my flaws and said that that was the reason why he couldn’t be with me. I was completely defeated. So yeah, I think he’s just too far gone and too unaware to understand any of this...I tried though.
Yeah, this is one of the ways saying it can backfire. The moment you say "I see all of you and I still love you" that's when the narcissist might think "I've completely won. This person is an idiot for blindly loving me" and then they discard. Those narcissists are beyond any redemption I think. They love when they bring you to your knees and then get rid of you for being so weak. It's pure evil.
@@BlinkinFirefly That's exactly what he did! He basically told me I was an idiot for loving him in spite of his flaws. I really think the narcissist needs you to hate them because it confirms how they feel about themselves. That they are unworthy of love.
He wants you to embody your inner Kali. Wild, angry, powerful. He wants you to resist him and challenge him intellectually, spiritually. Fight for him by calling him out, often is also fighting with him. To have intellectual spiritual warfare and match him at his word games, witty on your feet dodging bullets. Your words will matter more to him when you are hard on him because to him love means pain. It takes a lot of energy and will change you so perhaps another relationship is better. But you got to wear him down or he will wear you down. Only after all this he will be butter in your hands because deep down he's extremely vulnerable and soft inside and just wants you to wear down his hard exterior. I'm speaking from my own relationship and perhaps is not the norm. I'm my hubby's favorite person and the one he looks up because I took him to battle. And also Jesus helped us find a new peace after the 6 year long battle.
Lol, I’m blown away that “I’m sorry you feel that way” is any kind of advice… anywhere. Even if it’s not coming from a place of bad faith, unless it’s somehow contextually appropriate, it almost automatically comes off condescending and dismissive.
It is condescending and dismissive. I hate to admit I think I've said it too, or some version and that's exactly what I was doing. So I know damn well when I hear it that's what they are doing. If I have heard myself say it I try and redirect and do better, unless I'm too mad in the moment.
I have a narc that I went no contact with but who I care about and that I see frequently. We haven’t spoken yet but I am anticipating some conversation eventually. I’m going to try a version of this because the truth is I DO hope he finds that love/care that he needs. I’m not the person to do it because of how he treated me, but I don’t believe he shouldn’t have it. I don’t love him, so obviously I won’t lie. But a variation of “you hide parts of yourself, but those parts deserve to be cared for too” I think I’ll say because that is a genuine thing I believe. Thank you for this!
I agree on everything and with my partner now, the first healthy man I've ever been with, I do feel and say this, we mutually do, because we honestly love each other with our flavs. WITH, not despite. For the Narcissists I've been with, especially the last one, a covert Narc, I could never feel and say this, because it's just not true. The abuse and manipulation has been so severe, at a certain point I just didn't want to be nice, loving and understanding, any longer.
I totally relate to this. My narcissistic ex has all kinds of flaws that I was completely happy to accept and even loved him for, but the ones where he was mean, cold, manipulative, neglectful, those things I could never accept or forgive. And he could never explain why he did those things, he never saw any fault in himself for how he treated me.
Every time I see an article about "ten expedient ways to deal with a narcissist", I slowly deflate like a slashed tire until my forehead molds perfectly onto the palm of my hand. By the way, hearing that made me tear up. It worked. I might suggest "hiding parts about yourself" in that one, because I have a few "bad" parts of me I like, but several I don't, and there are A LOT of things I hide about myself that I really like just to protect them from criticism.
It seems to me that narcissists are, in reality, very sensitive and emotional, like borderlines. They just present themselves to the world as being the idealized and fake persona they have constructed and forced themselves to be, in order to feel in control from getting emotionaly hurt (since they have childhood traumas). Being inauthentic and frustratred by the impossible total control of their environnement, they then rage. Borderlines also have a self state which is more psychopathic but are more dissociative I think.
all i said from day one BEFORE i knew who i was dealing with was: i know you're in pain/i feel your pain. afterwards: i know you're in pain. i know you. i'm still here for you. it's what i meant. it's what i mean. i'm one of those empaths. felt his pain. he had no problem opening up. i didn't think to say the above when he was going off on me for no reason. shock took over.
The " I'm sorry you feel that way" phrase made me go nuts when my husband texted me that! It came off dismissive and detached. In my mind he HAD to pay for that lol. When u said it on this video, it literally triggered me 😆.
When someone tells me they love me, they'll get one of two responses: 1) "I love you too", which is a blatant lie to shut them up, or 2) "You're wrong". But when someone sees or acknowledges my faults and still accepts me... Yeah that'll bring a tear to my eye
My ex was always dramatically disappointing me. That was his way of forcing me to see his dark side. I didn't have to verbalize this...we both knew. But I was so young and naive, and I loved him no matter what. I dealt with him for many years before I realized the games were permanent. At that point all hope died. The part of me that was part of him also died. He didn't pick up on it at first. But wow did he discard me fast when he caught onto my change of attitude. We both seem pretty normal and fun-loving on the surface so I never would have guessed that he would gradually swallow me up with his need to manipulate, control, and turn everything upside down. When I die I'll ask God why I even had to go through that. It's hard learning to become jaded. I wince to think of my young self, giving it my all, thinking I had the fairy tale, not even noticing the darkness closing in around me.
Honestly. That’s what makes people love you. That insecurity is striking with narcissism. People who are caring and close to a narcissist see that. And they want you to accept yourself. Because whatever you think is‘wrong’ with you isn’t. We’re all the same. There is nothing in you that isn’t in another man and vice versa. We all have a shadow side that we learn to control, but it’s there nonetheless 🤷♀️. There’s nothing wrong with you apart from your defences that are trying to protect a child who learned to be afraid of who he was. I wish you healing, it’s a long painful path that many of us ( even so called normal) people have walked. Be your own hero and save yourself, the most heroic thing a person can do and a giant step toward saving the world too. You take care.
No stupid there insecure that’s how they ended up with the narc because the narc is the only one that accepted there lame ass so now there tryna turn a Honda to a Benz narc people are dummmbbbb😭😭😭
I don’t necessarily agree. They do have something wrong with them, and it was put on them in childhood through no-fault of their own…. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t something wrong with them.. like a person who doesn’t have legs can’t be expected to stand in order to be accepted. Nobody is perfect, but it’s our job to learn to see imperfect people, perfectly,
@@jjbinderr yes but it’s believing that being an average human is not okay that is the problem. Narcissists don’t love and accept themselves, and so can not love and accept other imperfect people ( all of us), they love the ideal version of themselves, which they are not. Not one of us is perfect but we accept that about others and in so doing we can accept ourselves. What is done to some children in this world is diabolical. But to be in a relationship with a narcissist is harmful for us neurotypicals They have to heal for you to be emotionally and psychologically safe if not physically. We can accept people as they are but if we are being harmed we must protect ourselves or we become unstable and that hurts the world. A person who can’t walk isn’t necessarily behaving in ways that hurts others.
I feel like a narcissist personality shouldn't be pissy 😡 about being told " How someone says they feel about them" because they can't go around doing the EXACT THING that they DON'T want people saying to them about their feelings are "Wrong or UNtrue" & Also can't be a monkeys tail & feel negative n Deny the "Like or Love" someone sends them all bcuz they know what they have been projecting Verses Who they actually are Under the Masks!! I believe all humans deserve to FEEL,HAVE, RECEIVE N BE LOVED BUT I CAN NOT STAND FOR PEOPLE TO EXPECT MORE FROM OTHERS THEN WHAT THEY ARE GIVING/DOING UNTO OTHERS AS THEY WANT DONE TO THEM! ALSO HOW CAN THE NARC NOT WANT TO BE HURT/CHEATED ON/TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ETC BUT SURE DON'T MIND HURTING/CHEATING, BE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THEIR PARTNER!! NARCS HAVE SUCH A 1 WAY STREET! It's always fine for them to do *BlahBlahBlah* but let their partner go do/act like the narc did n OHH NOOO! NARCS ARE ENTITLED, SELFISH, GROWN FOLKS THAT KNOW BETTER N JUST FILL IN EVERY EXCUSE/REASON AS TO WHY THEY SHOULD JUST BE LET OFF THE HOOK N CAN TREAT PEOPLE SO EVIL!! I can speak on this bcuz I LIVED IT FOR 15 YEARS! ITS ALL ABOUT THEM IN EVERYWAY, N IF U EXPRESS YOUR FEELING THEY THREATEN YOU N ACT LIKE A 2 YR OLD TODDLER THROWING A TANTRUM AS GROWN FOLKS THEY ARE!!! THEY JUST BASICALLY MAKE THEIR SAME ABUSIVE CHILDHOOD ENVIRONMENT THEY WERE MADE BY N DO THE EXACT ABUSE THEY WENT THRU AS A CHILD TO THEIR SPOUSE/PARTNER!! #TheyKnowWhatTheyAreDoing #ControlIssues #BallAndChain
Amazing video 👏👏👏 It’s exactly the same situation with your child but the difference is that your child never doubt about your unconditional love. As a Mom you love your child when he is nice and sweet and as a Mon you also you love your child when he is insecure, bad, evil and so on. The narcisist had never been loved by his Mom with unconditionly love. So sad 😢
Your comment resonated with me. I am married to a narcissist and we have 5 sons. I always tried to enjoy my sons and be there for them. My husband is close to his mother, but she isn't a warm and cozy person, so I don't believe he got the mothering he needed. I think he is jealous of my parenting, even though I had to teach myself quite a bit of it 😉 Neither one of us came from the best childhoods, but I feel like he wants everyone to pay for his trauma 💔
Oh my God, I love this, this is beautifully touching! I believe the parts that people with NPD hide are probably the best because they are the more vulnerable and emotional (so truthful) ones. It may be only because of BPD.
Richard Grannon describes bpd as when a child people with bpd tried to be a narcissist but the abuser/s recognises and smashes it out of us which becomes borderline. Narcissists they have mirrors so to speak reflecting a perfect image like a shell . Telling them they are perfect. Bpd we don’t have the mirror or the shell.
Which is why early on in our relationship, when she said XYZ of herself, I looked at her and smiled with a shrug and said, "ok, but I love you anyway". She just about squirted and jumped me right there. Of course, that didn't stop the inevitable, devaluing, ghosting, gaslighting, that was to follow. I had to get away.
'I can accept how you feel' could probably work if the Narcissist decides to terminate the relationship. But not to manipulate them into guilt, just that whoever is on the receiving end of the bad news is accepting of their decision. I wouldn't discount it entirely. It could be preceded with 'I understand.' and followed with 'I don't want to say or do anything to change it. I won't even try.' ❤
Why can’t it be easy , love is real and easy it’s good , I find your heart as so sweet , I understand how you feel as you say it yet all the talk leaves out how much a narcissist deserves , needs and is so lovable , I hate the negative spin on it being bad , a narcissist just has a different inner clock that so desires love , how can you love a narcissist so they can feel it , my father and grandfather my ex , I grew up with being with the dynamics , damm I hate this judgmental world I do love I always will , I feel your brilliance , how can this focus be changed Love is so needed
Idk if what i said was correct, but i told mine that i could see under all the garbage and dysfunction and i love the person he is under all that. He has hurt me more than i ever thought i could bear even though i understand its not intentional its still quite painful. His type of validation is as many women as he can sleep with so even though he considers me his gf , he wont stop getting his validation this way . I love him and could never harm him in any way but being with him is really difficult. I have tried to break things off despite still loving him and Offered friendship instead but he doesnt want to let go and the thought of abandoning him tears me up because i have my own quiet bpd and relate to feeling abandoned. Its quite the relationship.
Don't put your own health at risk especially your sexual health If he's going with all these women, you could catch something off them. Sex is an energetic transfer so whoever he's sleeping with, you are too. The kindest thing you can do for YOU is to leave because he's destroying you physically and emotionally. You matter first!!!
Thank you for bringing awareness to us I can't have contact with my siblings god knows what combination they are they never got diagnosed but it makes me understand them a bit more.and to be more understanding.your videos mean a lot.💜🤗
I'm sorry you feel that way. Yeah, that one bugs me too. It's a fake apology, plus it's invalidating the feelings of the other. It's really more like, sorry about your dumb feelings that I don't understand or care too, here's a meanlingess placebo. We have a right to our own opinions on this. That one isn't near as loaded as you think. Agree to disagree is much less loaded sounding. If people are using language precisely, an opinion is really just an opinion. It doesn't mean right or wrong, it's just your best guess, based on your limited experience. Maybe because narcissists feel pretty crushed if someone thinks they are wrong, then they can read more into that than there usually is.
The narc opens up and she says she loves that I know who she is deep down which is great but then she uses that as an excuse to use me as a punching bag. Sharing that with the narc only gave her fuel to use against me when it works in her favor
Appreciate you saying what you would like to hear and wanting to show vulnerability. However, some of these comments are the other person giving the narcissist (or anyone else for that matter) the space to have your own opinion and separating and stating they have their own. It is ok to agree to disagree on something. Its recognizing we are not extensions of you and our own person rather than something to incite anger. What could we say that would ever allow us to be heard or seen? I know I felt invisible with my narc. And will say we aren’t mind readers and have tried to know the real person behind all the mask and defenses. Not anything easy to get to. Particularly if narcissists aren’t even sure themselves!
It's really sad and it sucks that the narcissist doesn't realize what actually makes. A person lovable is their vulnerable sucky parts because if everybody were perfect we would all be robots
As an empath who really is more oriented to how the other person feels in a conversation (and Im really not trying to be insulting because I admire you and your self awareness,) "I don't like the way you're speaking to me" would be super distressing to hear from someone and I would immediately apologize and try to explain how I'm feeling and my intention behind what I said. It's really interesting for me to compare the two reactions.
I know that phrase would have set my ex narc off. I am certain he would have raged at me. He is the most evil person I have ever known. My current boyfriend started raising his voice to me one time, and I asked him why he was yelling at me when I was trying to help him. He stopped right away and apologized and told me I was right. It really is still shocking that a person could take responsibilty for their emotions and apologize. Being in a healthy relationship is the most amazing experience of my entire life.
I don't have NPD, but I do have ASD - and I think "we're all entitled to our opinions" is one of the most _frustrating_ things you can say to someone you're having a discussion with. It's essentially saying _"I can't think of any way to refute what you've said, but I don't want to have to do any introspection, I don't want to admit you've made a good point at my expense, and I don't want you to have the last word, so I'm gonna write this off as a difference of opinion and make you out to be needlessly agressive and argumentative if you try to point out my hypocrisy."_ It's used against a _lot_ of neurodivergent people to make us feel like we're in the wrong for not thinking the same way NT people do.
I’m sorry you feel that way is a ‘non apology’ lol and it triggers the victim of a narc big time lol!!! it’s one of the worst things to say to anyone you’ve hurt tbh…. Lol narc or not. We may speak to you as an authority or parent… seemingly… since the way you think and behave IS like a small child!!! It’s so impossible to rationalize or reason with an angry child who feels falsely accused in the principals office… and it’s equally as difficult with a grown up who still operates like that small child. That sentence you said I could see working with my ex… but would immediately be twisted later when he’s abusive to tell me ‘why are you still mad I thought you said you loved all my bad parts!!!’ 🤦🏻♀️ if the narcissist didn’t WEAPONIZE these loving things we do it would sure help
This is interesting because I might have guessed that the facade/defense would make it not tolerable to hear that you have hidden/ugly/dangerous/weak/inadequate parts. Perhaps this is effective for aware narcissists but might make an unaware one say “What are you talking about?”. How does that actually work?
I feel like "Being seen" Is way more important to me than anything. I want to be call intelligent, charismatic, attractive, but if someone says "you're a good person' I feel like they don't actually know me
I’m glad that SOMETHING works for you and that it feels good to you!!! However, as you opined a malignant narcissist can see that as a huge challenge…You are correct in that it is a very genuine way of speaking to you but I’d still use it caution with some as you mentioned.
She ignored me for almost two years. She discarded me because I called her 10 min too late. I wrote her thousand times. Begged, did all possible. She read all but still silence. And after my message today exactly what you said in the video. She opened up and wrote back. But it’s true. I knew a lot about her. And that’s why I really loved. The bad side. The hidden side. But she always thought I don’t love her cause I don’t know her.
Christmas week he said he'd buy me tires I called my brother he said he's not buying you tires this is how he's going to play you on it and everything my brother told me that he would do happened just like my brother said it would. My brother bought me the tires he was never going to buy me and came up with the perfect plan to confront him and call him out on his lie. It's good to have a brother that's a narcissist too!
If someone takes the words that I say, and twists them into something else, there’s really nothing I can do about that. You use the word “imply” a lot. I don’t imply, I say what I need to say and that’s it. I’m only responsible for what I say, not what you understand, so if you get upset behind words I never said, we’re not communicating effectively and we need to move on. If I didn’t say it, don’t assume it. “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a perfectly decent way to say exactly that. It is in NO WAY an apology, and when I say it, I don’t mean it to be.
I've said CALMLY,,, PLEASE DONT SPEK TO ME THAT WAY" I DONT SPEAK TO U LIKE THAT ILL ADD SOMETIMES... HE WILL SAY DONT TELL ME WHAT THE FK TO DO.. ILL SAY IM ASKING YOU NOT TELLING YOU.
You narcs always say I'm sorry you feel that way, and I was expressing my feelings and heard I don't like how you're speaking to me (add worse things).
It's concerning that you put all pwNPD in such a box and use the word "always". I understand if this is your current experience but it is no true. Everyone is different and even narcissists are human. Gaslighting is real but assuming you are neurotypical you also don't "always" and/or "never" right? You control your responses and in relationships the dialogue is back and forth, therefore, you are responsible for your reactions and feeding into toxic dynamics.
Ok it's a nice line. It implies that "love" needs reasons. Whether love requires reasons or not is open to endless debate until the end of time. I know what side I'd take.
Thank you for your video! Some time ago I was friends with some man. At the very beginning he was friendly, attentive etc. But later on he became disrespectful, insulting, & even sadistic. Jacob! WHAT did I have to tell him to make him stop behaving like this? Could we remain friends with that person? Could he start treating me respectfully? or it's just impossible???
first off I'm sorry to hear about your situation. but If he's not aware and not working on himself, it's not worth trying to make it work. Maybe you can remain friends, but I'd advise keeping your distance
@@Thenamelessnarcissist thank you for your reply, Jacob!❤ I think he's more or less aware because he knows LOTS of things in psychology. At the same time, his knowledge doesn't help him as he threatened me. I think he was bluffing although I'm not 100% sure about it. I blocked him because he didn't want to treat me respectfully no matter how many times I asked him about it. Thank you again for your reply 🤗
We all have bad, dark, weak and shameful parts of us that we don't want to broadcast to the world. When we love someone and let them love us, we know they will eventually see those parts of us too. We just don't obsess over those parts and worry they are our core identity. They aren't. We're all shades of dark and light. We do our best to present and give our best, as much as we can and forgive ourselves when we can't. We ask forgiveness of others when we can't too.
Yeah, the phrases you give us as examples at the beginning of the video are dismissive and you are on point in how the verbal dynamic becomes condescending in a parental way. Cluster B's respond to a more sensitive/emotional supportive person, I'm wondering if this is why pwNPD are attracted to empaths and pwBPD? There is security in authenticity I think. Because basically our trust has been horribly broken.
It wouldn't surprise me that the reason I was attracted to BPD's is just cause of the complete transparency and such strong expressions of love that were hard for me to doubt. But yeah even nowadays those phrases seem sooooo disrespectful
I love this video. I Understand you’re not a parent, but if you WERE a parent, what could your teen or adult child say to you, to similarly disarm you? I’m estranged from my father and even though he was nothing but verbally abusive and degrading to me my whole life, I understand that he carries this pain/shame inside and I feel very sorry for him. I myself carried tremendous pain/shame due to being unloveable to my father and I felt that I deserved to be degraded for most of my life, until 5 years ago. So I know he would not choose to be this way, nor to carry that pain. If I could, I’d want a relationship with him. So what could I say to him?
I was just transitional target, she is in stable marriage for years now, stable marriage but with me it was 5.5 years of just hoovering and after that coldness and discard... mine self-worth is destroyed, I was just used and someone is good enough for marriage and normal life..., how to resolve this past ?
I think everyone in general hides information from others that they are ashamed of and secrets that may hurt their partner. Yes, you fear losing them if they know.
update: i said this to my ex who has NPD. why? bc I'm an idiot who cares about him still.. and ive been pretty brutal with my words to him bc i am hurt. He ended up FTing me like 5 hours later randomly but he was with his friend who i know, and he never really gave any feedback..talked about random shit. i texted him after and asked what he thought of what i said. and he said "i didn't like it... i loved it :)" and since that day.. he still messages me here and there.. but.. never ever ever has he talked about how he really felt about what i said...... i wonder what he thought. I wonder if he forgot or if those words actually meant something to him....... ill never know.
I am interested in all af your first person experiences as NPDs. I am not one, but I CAN contain a lot of things about people. Masking was my thing almost all of my life. Dear NPD person! What causes damage to us, your family, is the hiding itself. It depletes all of our energies, because we are CONNECTED to you, the Wholeness of you but we are CONFUSED about the fireworks not matching how WE feel around you. The fireworks destroy us, the connection with you as a whole, is nice. If destroying the other is not your interest, than please know, that we, non-NPDs around you CAN contain more than positivity/nice appearance. We can. We cannot maintain though the heavyness of confusion which comes with the hiding. Our kryptonite is the hiding/firework itself. We are destroyed by it, having no energy further. 2. I observe that it might be that some of NPDs don't want to contain themselves the wholeness of them. Could be a way out of this to search for a second persont to do it for you. SOME of us can do it. We call it unconditional love, to accept the wholeness of the YOU. We can genuinely do this with one condition: no roleplaying, selling false image, hiding. Vulnerability. 3. We, non-NPDs CANNOT, under any circumstances love, resonate with something that is your artificial construct. We CAN love persons, we cannot love roles. Fireworks. BS. People who tought you that you are accepted only if you ACT, are not capable of true love themselves. You might be following some directives, unconsciously though, that came from people that didn't have a clue about anything. Your parents, maybe, who forced you to act. It is sad that you might hurt people (some) who would be capable to love you in your wholeness. Because you don't stop acting. Please. ❤ Think.
Did someone tell you all of those words that you described yourself as , like when you were younger? I heard/ overheard negative things about alot , all growing up , didn't think I bought into it or accepted it but hearing you say those things toward your Self , seems so very strange and the tragic part is actually believing it to be valid . ..
Very interesting. Question for you. Let's say you dont know the narcissist well, like you have just started dating. Do you have another version of this that will disarm them and blow their mind?
I have a lot of narcissists in my life and this has been a very difficult Road I have travelled in my life. I completely agree with you about how condescending and cold those suggestions to say to narcissists are. I have never been comfortable with these suggestions and I have never used them. I think those phrases would annoy anybody. They sound disingenuous and like gaslighting. I can see how the phrase that you suggested would feel right. It reminds me of Internal Family Systems. I think you would really like it. It is a psychological model which purports that Inside our psyche we have a family system made up of parts. All of those parts have good intention. Richard Schwartz wrote a book called 'No bad parts'. He has also discovered in each person a core self which is the true self. And that core self has the following qualities: caring calm clarity compassion courage creativity and curiosity. So we are actually all made of the same honourable loving and kind stuff and we have protective parts which need to be unburdened in order to transform into healthy parts. I'm finding your RU-vid videos very useful.
Uh, I'll just say don't LMAO they don't have an issue with those parts of them so don't attempt to hide them. Those are the idealized aspects of the self if that makes sense
What do you say to disarm a narcissist who will not admit he is a narcissist. He has been told this from several people. But doesn't think he is a narcissist.
Those phrases would piss normies off, let alone us mentally deranged. Bollocks to the life coaches. i never listen to them. Great video. Thanks kid. Saint Anger
There is nothing one can say... although we all know it that you know that i know that you know that i know... it is impossible to keep you, without deep deep very deep therapy, 15 years or more 😅 and who is going to support you? Its a one mans journey... ❤
Hmmm I have to think about that one. Something that frustrated me always in my sessions at first was being treated like an unreliable witness to my own disorder. But I know that's not a universal issue. I'll think on it and make a video someday!
That's a good sentence, for sure. But my mother thinks she's perfect. She has no idea that she is hiding from her own self by projecting flaws on to me.
We both have the right to our opinion is no use to me. My mother disguises her shortcomings by attributing flaws to me. eg, it's not that she has no empathy or patience, it's that I'm sensitive and emotional. Or, it's not that she has zero conflict resolution skills, it's that I'm ''aggressive'' having the expectation that she might listen. And, it's not that she has no capacity for reciprocal communication, it's that I'm hurting her trying to communicate. So how would ''we both have the right to our opinion'' help me when she's disguising her failings by attributing a million labels to me?? I await your suggestion with baited breath.
Hi, I wonder... can a person in young age, who don't know that they narsissist yet, wish they could say "love me when I deserve it the least, because that's when I need it the most".. Maybe not say it directly because then they have to show themselves vulnerable, but for example by writing it...
Hi, very actual. But please tell me: If you flirt or cheat on you girlfriend/wife, are you aware of your actions and you deny or not if questioned? Have you ever flirted with other women in front of your significant other?
My question is: do you want to hear that in the beginning of the relationship? and that would be enough or should the person repeat and remind you of the fact they love you despite your hidden aspects?
Not at the beginning definitely not, cause like it wasn’t enough time for any of me to show if that makes sense?? And it’ll help build trust, but we are deeply insecure. We’ll need a lot of reassurance and may never fully trust it. Good questions!
I can totally understand why that would be a good thing to say to a narcissist.. but, what do you do when it’s gotten to the point where the narcissist is nothing but belittling, manipulative and just plain mean?
The problem with narcissists is that they have a core wound from childhood where they were made to feel shame by a particular parent for something that wasn't a big deal at all. It is the core wound that needs to be addressed. It is telling the child in them that never grew up that they were wrong to made that thing they did or didn't do couldn't be forgiven. Narcissists feel they are unforgivable and unlovable. As their reactions to this core wound/core shame are so maladaptive they start behaving worse and worse. The initial sin was not so bad but their behaviour becomes worse and worse around that original sin. Unless they stop their behaviour then they end up becoming the exact thing they fear, a person who is unlovable and unforgivable (from a human perspective). We can't tell them that we love the evil they do because we don't. We don't love the evil they do. Most of them don't love the evil they do themselves. Only the malignant ones love evil. It is about addressing that core wound. It is addressing the shame they felt as a child over something small. We can tell them we forgive them for what they do but we can't enable it. Evil is evil at the end of the day and it is bad for all of us to say we love their evil. We can however love the little boy and the little girl they are trapped as and address that core wound of shame. If they can heal that core wound then there is hope for them. If they carry on doing evil and embracing evil until they die then there is no hope for them at all. Personally I think only turning to God will save them, being born again in Jesus Christ.
Ive found just looking at him with no emotion and saying, "WOW" works everytime. Nobody ever fully knows themselves so you're not on your own. I do think youre gaining some self awareness of why you are the way you are which most narcissists unfortunately will never do. Your last phrase to me didnt make sense because you said, "I know theres bad parts of you that you hide from me" 🤔 thats the only parts we see 😂 maybe a better line would be, "I know theres hurt parts of you that you hide from me" 🤔
My gfs mask came off and shes still a demon, but i truly do live her becsuse i see her as a person with a thing she cant help. Ive loved her for 3 years and i can look at myself abd see that im half a pos too, maybe nkt as brutal. But i love that woman so much and telling her does nothing
I don't get it, that's a lie, how can you love something you don't even know... It's like loving somebody you don't know, it's impossible, delusional, or they're into "bad" people or narc themselves. They still don't know the flaws, and how deep they go. You can love what you see, but not what you don't. IDK... I'm not a narcissist & I'm very romantic but it would piss me off because it sounds fake, illogical and cheesy ahah But that's also bc I think unconditionnal love isn't healthy. And I would have thought it would piss off narc too because it implies they have big flaws. Interesting
