What Your Ex Is Thinking (Breakup Psychology) - Clay Andrews

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Clay Andrews talks about what your ex is thinking when they say various things to you.
If you’d like more advice to help you get the love life you want without the mind games, check out relationshipinnergame.com
Check out our playlist where we go deeper into some of the many things your ex may be thinking over here: • Ex Said Maybe to Meeti...
And of course, please also subscribe to our RU-vid channel here: / relationinnergame
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If you want to know what your ex is thinking after a breakup and during the process of getting back together, you just have to understand a few basic emotions.
The first emotion is your ex's resistance to interacting with you. The higher this emotion is, the more they will shut down emotionally and the more difficult it will be to get them to talk to you or interact with you.
We’ve covered this in great detail in our series on the 5 stages your ex goes through in getting back together. If you’ve missed that, check it out over here: • My Ex Won't Talk to Me...
The second emotion is the positive feelings your ex has toward you. This emotion drives your ex to want to stay close with you and connect with you.
Your ex will say different things to you based on their differing levels of emotional resistance to interacting with you (based on the history you share), and their positive feelings toward you (based on how good the interactions between the two of you feel).
And the balance between these two emotions will often control what your ex is thinking and how they are behaving.
For example, if your ex's resistance and their positive feelings are more or less equal, you may experience a lot of hot and cold behavior or mixed signals from your ex. This is incredibly common.
They aren't doing this to toy with your emotions.
This is actually due to the fact that they are severely confused, themselves and these two emotional forces are battling it out within them to determine what they think and what they do.
And understanding and influencing these emotional forces will be the key to getting back together with your ex, if that's what you would like to do.
Head over to relationshipinnergame.com and sign up to get advice, strategies, and tips to help you influence your ex's emotions and set you on the right track to getting back together with them.

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Опубликовано:

26 июл 2018

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Комментарии : 74

@brendanmcpike184 6 лет назад

The u-turn was a good analogy

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Thanks.

@orlandogoldson6353 4 года назад

I need to know what's up with yoy

@orlandogoldson6353 4 года назад

I need to know what to do with dis relationship because she want me to give her dis money

@brendanmcpike184 4 года назад

Orlando Goldson honestly bro, watch more of his videos. Get out of “damage control” do the right thing for you and that might be realizing she’s no good. Honest advice. I don’t want you, a brother getting used.

@orlandogoldson6353 4 года назад

your alway there for me an make me happy no lie I am bless

@Isalukich 5 лет назад

Very helpful, thank you.

@blackbeauty2166 4 года назад

I lost interest because they didn't change their life style. Still playing video games all day n being immature. Time to move on

@ClayAndrews 4 года назад

Hi Black Beauty, It's totally okay to move on from the person especially if you feel that they have a deal-breaker when it comes to your 5 x 5 list. At the end of the day, our goal is for you to have a healthy and lasting relationship that is aligned on your personal values. :-)

@trebalero9091 5 лет назад

It’s been a month of no contact. I’m blocked now. Starting to move on honestly. Did literally everything I could do. Just took me for granted.

@Grell1993 5 лет назад

Update pls

@theendtimes1705 4 года назад

@NoNoNoMeansNo 4 года назад

All your videos so far have great insight, well done :)

@ClayAndrews 4 года назад

We truly appreciate your kind words. Thanks for watching our videos. :-)

@vambo13257 5 лет назад

Thanks Clay, no matter what happens, you are the best on RU-vid. My ex and I may never get together again and I am trying to accept it.

@edgarbagramyan2403 5 лет назад

Hi Clay, new fan here. Happened to see this video first and have went down your rabbit hole. Glad I found these! You have offered me several fresh perspectives on the current break up I’m going through (again). My psychiatrist seems to not have much to offer at this point, and you sound exactly like the human I need to speak to! Lol I’m interested in trying to understand my relationship as objectively as I can. I’ve shared a lot of my experiences with my psychiatrist and she has mentioned that she thinks my ex has had “borderline personality disorder,” or perhaps “narcissistic personality disorder.” The more I look at other ppls break up experiences, the more I realize these things sort of bring out the narcissists in all of us lol. The hot/cold, push/pull, lack of any sympathy of what you’re going thru. It’s surprises me how someone that loves you can sort of flip the switch so suddenly. I guess my questions surround the idea of wondering how to know if I’ve been dating a narcissist or a woman with BPD, or is is just a way my monkey brain is trying to put a label on a relationship that tore me apart lol? At first I was sure of it. I read books, I joined an online community with ppl that deal with it, I’ve watched RU-vid. And everything was eerily similar with my own experience. Do you have any experience dealing with NPD/BPD? Is there a way to distinguish regular woman vs one with these PDs?

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Hey there .It seems like this was a double post. I replied to your other post.

@marycooper2606 5 лет назад

Need more info on how to deal with, a situation that has repeated, cheating with the ex.

@whimseywoman 5 лет назад

Clay - they wanted to "take a break" and never really called it breaking up. I went total no contact, and they immediately started trying to "hang out as friends"... I don't want to get back together. I want them to leave me alone. What on earth is going on?

@mayrodrigo9891 6 лет назад

Hello Clay. My ex husband and i are exactly in that situation where he is struggling with his emotions because he still loves me. But i made him more angry because i filed a case to get our child’s legal custody. What are our chances of getting back together? He is in a rebound relationship for 5months now. We got divorced 4 months ago.

@johnmajidrafaat Год назад

what if she left you for another man who she was seeing for a bit behind your back, can the relationship be saved still ?

@erickmorales7647 5 лет назад

What if the main reason or excuse from her for breaking up is bc of our LDR? (Last 2 years) and i saw her frequently anyway and it used to not be a problem to her but now it recently became a big deal to her and wont believe me that id move out to be with her soon

@Mijn24 5 лет назад

same,she said LDR was childish, but she cared alot

@akvalues 5 лет назад

He went Hawaii without me!!?? He is enjoying life without me!!??? He is moving to Tampa without me!!??? I can't believe he is actually enjoying being single!!..🤣🤣🤣🤣 ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM!!! BEING SINGLE MAKES IT EASIER TO SAVE MONEY. GO ON VACATIONS!! GO BACK TO SCHOOL FOCUS ON YOU!! I DID ALL THESE THINGS..GUESS WHO IS REACHING OUT TO ME!??..🤣🤣🤣🤣 The sooner you get to a point where you don't care and your enjoying life the sooner they will try to come back around. And when that happens, you probably wont want them anymore. Because your have opportunities everywhere!!

@amyjohnson5044 3 года назад

In order to know exactly what you mean by meeting them where they are and connecting with them on an emotional level, we would need to take one of your courses? Because I’m not quite sure what you mean or an example of meeting them where they are?

@kinatower6340 2 года назад

i think it's your turn to find that out, maybe try to know them better or emphatize with the things they say or just say what you really think

@drjsantos15able 6 лет назад

Mine ex gf went really far cold. We havent talked for weeks. Not sure what to do next.

@GHOBL1N 5 лет назад

Hit her up. You don't have much left to lose. Ask her to meet up to catch up, and see where it goes. Worst case she ignores you, you didn't really lose anything cuz u werent talking to her to begin with. But if she says yeah, you have a chance to reignite feelings. Let her remember why she loved you. Take it slowly, baby steps, show her why she loved you and without begging and pleading, get her to fall in love with you. Don't ask to be taken back, don't bring up the past, start over

@Mijn24 5 лет назад

i still think about her lol

@amberdrake4916 6 лет назад

Clay, do you feel like it hurts your chances to get back with you ex if you are causally dating other people?

@ClayAndrews 6 лет назад

Hi Amber, Maybe it's best to re-evaluate your intent in dating. Will it hurt your chances, it may or may not, but it depends on what happened during the dating period.

@toshadimick872 2 года назад

Help

@sharonleane 6 лет назад

I’m still friends a year on with my ex....he said he’s stubborn and he does care about me as he’s always there when I need him BUT he won’t get back with me as he just wants his freedom. I’ve tried to show him that you can have freedom and relationship but do have to be prepared to compromise time to be with your partner just as you do friends x

@sparklesglitterxox8787 4 года назад

My ex broke up with me because we argued a lot. We’ve broke up before but those problems got fixed and he admitted that when we met up the relationship was amazing. He said he still loves me but can’t be with me. He then said he wanted to feel free and to be himself instead of being him and me. He said he wants to live the rest of his uni life single and just how he dreamt to live it! He said he wouldn’t even consider getting back with me until he finished uni and said he didn’t want to give me any hope or he didn’t want to lead me on to think we could get back together. Have I got any chance? He’s made it seem impossible for me to get back together with him. What do I do?

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

She is the best when it comes to recovery relationship. ❤🌷🌷

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

M e s s a g e h e r n o w. V i a W h a t s A p p🌷❤🌷

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

+1 (3 6 1) 2 0 1__3 0 6 4❤

@mycleancoach5233 5 лет назад

so many videos of "your ex"...... people really want their ex back, including me. i'd like to know the percentage of people that actually do end up back with their ex....prob low. if someone don't want ya, they just dont want ya. best to move on, find someone that does. when i don't want someone, ya can't talk me into it either.

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

The odds depend on several factors. Unlike a surgical operation, for example, where you hand your well being over to surgeon, getting back together with your ex is not a passive activity. It requires you to be an active participant. The percentage is fairly low for people who are half-hearted or give up easily. For more determined people, it is higher. I have personally seen approximately 70-75% of the coaching clients I work with that end up getting back together. Is that a useful number. Not really, because if someone is willing to work with a coach, then they are highly motivated and less likely to give up. It's more like a gym. What is the success rate of going to the gym? It depends on how committed you are to see results, lose the weight, or gain the muscle. Whatever the numbers are it doesn't matter if you are committed to going to the gym because you're going to make it work. And whatever the numbers are it doesn't matter if you're not committed to going to the gym. Your destiny is created by your actions and your commitment, not by odds and chances. Hope this helps.

@tercsi1 3 года назад

How is this possible? The breakup was April 1, I chased until the 21st, during that time I would only be the one texting sometimes all day. He would text back immediately just like the whole 4 years of our relationship but he refused to talk on the phone. April 22 I went into no contact. Since then he never called or texted...I have been seeking counseling so has he, but how can he see any changes in me or him when we are in no contact? But I wont take my ex back if he starts seeing someone else. I made that clear to him.

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

She is the best when it comes to recovery relationship. ❤🌷🌷❤

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

M e s s a g e h e r n o w. V i a W h a t s A p p🌷❤🌷❤

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

+1 (3 6 1) 2 0 1__3 0 6 4❤❤

@gregoryseers1222 Год назад

I,d never go back to my ex wife, im looking for a dreamboat, not a bloody shipwreck! lol

@lucashood1173 6 лет назад

My ex asked me to go to the beach on Friday with our child, I said that sounds nice then she didn’t text me back, I’m not sure if I should have done more or not but it’s been 2 months she contacts me first often to I think check in on me, I’m just not sure what to do I asked her to hang out with me a month ago she said no that she wasn’t ready and I understand then she asked me last Friday and it didn’t come to fruition I’m not sure what the next step is, I enjoy your videos clay, thank you for the help.

@ClayAndrews 6 лет назад

Hi Lucas, I'm sorry to hear that the meet up didn't pushed through. Have you tried reaching out to her to check where she is at emotionally? Sometimes our ex flakes out on certain meet up for different reasons. You can check this video from ours. --- ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-tlmqeuBOCh8.html . All the best. :-)

@elaineswanson8578 3 года назад

My ex is very stubborn

@kimberlygillis9074 3 года назад

I still miss this person. I think about her wveryday. Currently, there is no contact between us, but I think she is checking my Facebook page because Iam getting friend suggestions for her. Also, when I check the search button on my Facebook, when I put in the first letter of her name, it automatically pops up. Even though I miss her, I truly have no intentions on getting back together with her.v

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

She is the best when it comes to recovery relationship. ❤🌷🌷❤

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

M e s s a g e h e r n o w. V i a W h a t s A p p🌷❤🌷❤

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

+1 (3 6 1) 2 0 1__3 0 6 4❤❤

@emanuel_soundtrack 5 лет назад

let they know??? no, let them chase

@monicabrown2054 4 года назад

Me and was this perfect couple . Lord knows no one is perfect.. to make a story short . I said some hurtful mean stuff and he never forgive me but we still have been in contact. He says he still loves me but his bizarre behavior is nothing he ever shown before .. It’s just not him .. He imitative the break up but he texts me 2 days after .. I don’t understand what he is doing... But your video was on point .. I think he is confused 🤷🏿‍♀️ also but why . We had an amazing relationship so that’s why I don’t understand what is going on.. but I have been trying to just leave him alone and give space . but I pray that we do reunite back together because our love for each other is still there .. do you think we have a chance

@ClayAndrews 4 года назад

Hi Monica, We always believe that our chances will always be there. But it will depend on the actions that we would take and refuse to do. We will only lose the chance if we give up. There is always a chance to work things out if you are committed and willing to put in the work. If you're just going to give up at the first road bump you hit, then all bets are off.

@monicabrown2054 4 года назад

Clay Andrews Good Morning and thanks for responding back to me . I will never give up unless God tells me too . I will fight for our love but I’m just so confused 🤷🏿‍♀️ on his bizarre behavior. I never seen him act like this before. I need to know is there a good chance he wants me back or wants to reunite with each other or he still not sure

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

She is the best when it comes to recovery relationship. ❤🌷🌷❤

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

M e s s a g e h e r n o w. V i a W h a t s A p p🌷❤🌷❤

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

+1 (3 6 1) 2 0 1__3 0 6 4❤❤

@jasminlawrence 4 года назад

I reached out to my ex after 25days of NC and he replied. 2 days ago I texted him again and we texted the whole evening (but I always waited 30-60min to respond). He texted me a lot and had sent lots of laughing emojis. Yesterday I told him he can message me if he wants do play his favorite boardgame with me. No reply, so I texted him today that he doesn't have to do it (if he doesn't want to) and how his day is going so far. No reply either. So I Think I have to go back into NC? Are these mixed Signals? Hot 2 days ago and now no replies? Is he riding the dragon?

@ClayAndrews 4 года назад

It could still be that he is in a test Drive Phase. But you have to keep yourself in check as well as you may be in the Attachment phase. We talk about the other 5 phases that you go through (aside from your ex) in getting back together inside our course. :-)

@africanfufu 4 года назад

You overly reaching out. If he doesn’t reply do not continue communicating! It’s common sense

@Alex-mu6ow 5 лет назад

My estranged wife broke up with me after what I thought was 12 + very happy years , telling me she hasn't been happy for 4 years .... this being brought on my sexting some married guy , saying I can't help myself when someone pays me attention !! I always paid her attention & compliments , she stunningly attractive & intelligent ... she then tells me she had a year long affair 5 years ago & that she was in love with him ( wow she kind of left me & came back & I didn't notice !! ) ... I still love her dearly ( what a fool ? ) she was the love of my life , but I've now lost her & my family & she can only say that she's just not in love with me , but still cares .... our only contact now is over our young daughter ... my wife gets the house & all that goes with the 12 years of emotional , physical & financial commitment I put into it ( she also racked up a secret debt of £35 k ) now this may make sound like a bit of a no hope loser , but I'm not , even though I'm now technically homeless !! We were very well matched & seen by all as a lovely couple , but she is adamant that it's over , and had become incredibly selfish since our separation . So how the hell do I turn this around ( or even why would I want to ? ) I just cannot turn off my feelings for her , which I now try & hide to save what little pride I have left . I've done some of the classic mistakes like begging , bargaining & writing that letter !! talking to her best friend and a few angry texts. So if anyone got an idea let me know .

@derrickogbechie5384 3 года назад

Wow

@nikkik3263 5 лет назад

He blank me

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Hi Nikki, What do you mean your ex "blank" you? Do you mean, your ex "blocked" you?

@reginawoess4928 3 года назад

Broke up with mine for cheating Was still in love with him so was willing to give him another chance. Called him he sounded excited to hear from me but he wanted to get intimate right away I did too. Afterwards he ask me why I got intimate not sure if he wanted me to boost his ego or know how I felt? Next day women calls he laughs and says shes trying to keep us from being intimate. Felt like he hadnt changed and felt he might b using me to make her jealous so I left

@ClayAndrews 3 года назад

I'm sorry to hear about what happened Regina. We hope that you are holding on well. If you feel that the person doesn't seem to fit your personal values, it's totally fine to move forward in life. Our main goal is for people to have a healthy and lasting relationship that matches their values.

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

She is the best when it comes to recovery relationship. ❤🌷🌷❤

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

M e s s a g e h e r n o w. V i a W h a t s A p p🌷❤🌷❤

@clarahammar966 3 года назад

+1 (3 6 1) 2 0 1__3 0 6 4❤❤

@edgarbagramyan2403 5 лет назад

@ClayAndrews 5 лет назад

Hey Edgar. Thanks for subscribing. Sorry I didn't get back sooner. I was traveling for a few days... Anyway, I am not a psychologist so I can't really comment on BPD or NPD. If your therapist says that it is likely your ex has these conditions, then I would take your therapist's word for it. I think that we all have certain parts of ourselves that mirror most major psychological disorders. So, even if we don't have a particular disorder, we may be able to recognize certain aspects of it in our lives or in the lives of the people we know. But if your ex does have one of these disorder, you have accept that that is the way that she is. And then you have to ask yourself, do you want to be with someone who has NPD or BPD? If you don't, then it's okay. The two of you simply aren't right for one another. If it is okay for you to be in a relationship with someone who has one of these disorders, that's fine too, but you have to be okay with consequences. I hope this helps, and thanks for the kind words.

@edgarbagramyan2403 5 лет назад

Clay Andrews Hey thank you for taking the time! My psych told me, “Edgar, you’re a grown man, so you will have to make the decision of staying with someone who displays all these characteristics that eat you up inside.” It resonated with me Clay. I’d lie awake at night watching her sleep just thinking about it. And I made the choice to stay. My logic then was the realization that if I loved this woman as much as I said I did, then I’ll live and die by her, wrong or right. I couldn’t just decide my mother isn’t my mother and stop loving her cuz I don’t like what she does to me, so why would I with my fiancée? After that, I discovered she had went on a date with another man and he had a picture of her on his Facebook profile. I went out and drank myself to oblivion and all I remember is waking up in an ambulance and seeing my car without the front end laying in the middle of the highway. I don’t even like drinking. Haven’t in years. She came home, packed her stuff, and moved to Texas 3 weeks later. Idk why Im sharing this. Almost makes me out to be the crazy one. But that’s a feeling I know all too well. Perhaps I’m looking for answers that I’ll never have. It’s a terrible feeling. 4 years of misery for nothing. And she’s off to next one like I don’t exist. I was told never to comfort her about my suspicion of her disorder. That shell hate me and project it onto me. Run a smear campaign and make me the narcissist. And she did just that. Keep up the good work man. I like what you’re doing.