When the Narcissist Can't Control You 

When I refused to let him control me he became more hateful and hurtful. He did not like me having any control at all. I left the marriage.

When my Ex realized I had figured him out and I was never going to be a subservient robot, he blamed me for never following through on his promises to me, and disappeared from my life while I was pregnant! Gone! These people are monsters

Over the years, they ended up destroying their own reputations. They did it all to themselves. That's what happened to them.

When my nex realised he couldn't control me anymore, he exploded with the worst vitriol ever and left

Im WAY happier without him! Hes like your not trying to win me back!! I said win back WHAT?!

I am struggling Ben. Even though I was discarded I'm out . I've blocked him and trying to concentrate on myself and breaking the Trauma-Bond. It's hard at times because I have so many different emotions all at once in my head at times, but I'm sticking to No Contact. 🍒

was with a narcicist for 8 years, had children, and i just wish these videos were around 10 years ago. i didnt understand the whole relationship what was happening. I felt sorry for him rather than feeling sorry for me even though i was the one being abused because he could flip the narrative in my head. When he started taking it out on our daughter i got up the balls to file police reports, restrainign orders, and got him to leave. He still writes me letters in the mail. Hes blocked on phones...social media....is physically not alloeed anywhere near me or my kid but every few moths will still write letters and sign them love always and forever. Now i only have disgust and to be honest some unresolved anger and hatred there. Never will i contact. Never will he ever get an ounce of any kind of give a shit from me. He doesnt see his daughter. He isnt fit mentally to anyway. She doesnt want to regardless. Its scary how kids see right thru the bullshit. She told me one day before i made him leave that she believed he was a demon and he is only here to pretend to love us but he really wants to hurt us. She couldnt havs said it better

The narc ex told my son that I was too strong for him after years of literally being abused and used as doormat. I couldn't take it anymore. I knew that if I stayed with him I would have left in a body bag. I went no contact for 2 years. He moved on and got married again.

I feel bad for her, in the sense I couldn't help her. And her feeling alone. Because knowing what I know now, she will always be alone

When my Ex couldn't control me I got dumped. 🍒

When my narc mother finally figured out that she couldn\t control me; she dis-owned me. Who disowns their only child????

Yes, I did! I left him two months ago. I love being FREE

I’m moving 250 miles away after a 3 year rel where i experienced all types of abuse and the final straw him having a double life with another woman. Now with a new woman and tried to make me the side person which I refused and now getting random messages asking me to not move away!!! All behind his new gf back whilst claiming he has changed 🙄 Bonkers!!! Because knows I’m going back to living in my own home and back with people who are good for me. Losing total control both mentally and proximity to me! I’m waiting for the rage when he knows it’s happening!

Great question that the person asked at the end of why it bothers them when we move on. My ex-boyfriend is blocked and I'm still no contact since February. Since that time though, he has attempted to reach out to me four different times. This time last year he completely discarded me, forced my hand at being the one to do the breaking up, and here he is...not able himself to accept that I'm not playing into him anymore. The fact that he knows I'm no longer giving into his hoover attempts is something he's not liking at all. If I were to ever cave and accept his attempt, he would have nothing but rage for me because I had completely ignored his past attempts...and we're broken up...and it was by his doing of what he wanted. 😑 Such a sad, messed up life he lives.

I was trauma bonding to my father tell the age of 35 then a therapist told me breakaway then six years later I realized I was trauma bonding to the therapist. My life is been a psychological hell. I'm getting help and I will survive. Content like this really helps me not be alone. Thank you

I thought my father loved me until I was 11. Then I questioned the beatings and stuff like this. It was horrible, he raised me to terrorise my mother that he can blame her for things.

My narc told me he wants a divorce last night weve been togeather 40 years & i tried to do my art & take a day to myself & he didnt control it & threatened me to punish me for having a boundry.. hes i believe a covert narc he must control everything in my life everything your saying is true thanks faith

He just started using my children to torture me. Acting indifferent is very difficult when he mistreats our children to get to me.

What this guy says from about 4:00 is very accurate

I did it not once but twice.

thank you, bless you, Chauvin Brenda

GOD FORBID my husband leave!! HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE!! He won't even let ME leave! I HATE HIM!!!!! HE MAKES ME SICK!!!

Yes, i got away from more then one

I am going thru it right now with my narc I been standing my ground and he's been gone week n half almost fell for his spell and had moment of weakness couple days ago and he was everything he pretended to be in the early stages. And I let him in for night and was great but next day with a sentence he said to me i had a moment of clarity and I told him to leave and never ever contact me again.

the scary part is, i don't even know what a Narcissist even means. Everyone in a group calls them out if they want help or not.

What you're putting out there is so important and honest. Even writing those words, it feels strange because of the history of being in a narcissistic relationship ... on the one hand, I know you're a narcissist and I don't want to give you the power and supply by acknowledging you. But on the other hand, I want to be authentic and say how I feel, but I feel guarded because of my 25 year trauma bond to a narcissistic husband. This is an illustration of the havoc a narcissist wreaks on a normal person with empathy!

Thank you, Ben for bringing awareness to individuals who have been caught up in narc. relationships. You are an excellent speaker and presenter by the way. 👍 to increasing your channel as people need to really hear what you have to say. Blessings always to you and your family.

I worry about my kids so much.

Why when I can see what she's doing when I understand her long game,why do I still want to be with her? Why can't I just let go? I've never gone through something like this. I just don't get it.

You have with this one video just now filled in the rest of the blanks in this whole mystery

He never controlled me, although I was not always clear. I wonder is it because my parents are still too involved and not the kind of people that are easily impressed or inattentive. I wonder is it because I have been questioning him since the 2nd month we knew each other. I don't know.

Another awesome video Ben! I'm going to continue to get better through you and @mentalhealness

Brilliant. So well explained. Thank you.

Walked away before I knew what I was dealing with (toxic friend)… with research , I discovered these RU-vid channels. Been feeling effects of a smear campaign (everywhere) No Contact for almost 2 years …. I am interested in what you are saying at the end of this video (point # 2) By me walking away would probably invalidate whatever narrative the “friend” had in the works. (I WONDER what that was……)

Yes I did ❤

Funny enough my last one and I say that because I have had 3 now in different forms screamed at me at least 4 times like a teenager I hate you because he never fully gained control-I wouldve seen it faster than 7 months if we had lived closer and he hadnt gone to Florida for 2 months 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's been over a year and I still know that I'd probably get back together with her.

Thanks!

At the end of the day I allowed it

I have gotten away from my brother who is the narcist, i feel that i have mostly healed from the trauma bond, but i will always care about him even from afar. I want to help him somehow admit to himself that he is a narcist so he can have a better life, he is not happy his life is crumbling people are pulling away from him, and he can't understand why. and I don't want him to continue to hurt new people he pulls into his trap. Is there anything I can do. It is not for myself, I'm out I have my boundaries, I want to see him happy and a good human being .

Best way to forget about the female covert narcissist is to get new cats

Ben, your explanations make simple what once felt so helplessly complicated. Thank you the sound guidance. Any suggestions for how to handle an aging narc parent whose final locus of control is to remove an adult child from the family will?

How were you & your wife able to stay together

I was in a 3 year on and off relationship with a covert/vulnerable narcissist but he never used me for sex. It was long distance and he never made an effort to see me. When I finally had enough I left and he's still asking my friends about me. How long do they obsess for? We broke up over a year ago.

They don't care .

Do you have any advice videos for fellow narcissists seeking help.

Super confused here, me ex got us into therapy, changed her job plans to come closer to me, bought us a pet and left without any explanation. When we were in counseling for a short time she stated how much she wanted things to work and how she wanted to grow with me. We never even touched on any real issues in the relationship. 4 sessions and poof gone! Was stating how she felt as if I wasn’t trying hard enough, how much could i do from long distance? I left before because of her actions and then she made it a point to reach out to a friend of mine and say she would do anything to make it work? So confused….

Does this pertain to men or men and women?

I ended my marriage 8mths ago...as I felt I was walking on eggshells....but recently told them I still love them...but they've now moved on and dating and I'm in shock.....is that normal?

I have a neighbor/friend (female) who is a Narcissist. I'm using the same strategy dealing with her, mainly as an experiment. Then we can be friends or NOT!

I can't be attracted to non narcissistic people because my father was a narcissist. I got a psychiatric nurse diploma to understand my childhood and went trough 10 years of therapy. I am 7 years single and always fall into narc trap early but realize after few dates what's going on and cut supply. Any idea how to get attracted outside of my regular pattern? I am now in control but very lonely.

I've a little question. You and others, both sides do this life coach business - are you pursuing a psychology degree?

I blocked him

I would love to reach out to you

Narc

Thanks Ben

I'm in love with a Narc and just learning about it and how to deal with it. I would like to maintain a relationship, even a friendship seeing he is married. Our relationship was never going to be more than a contact/friendship but I like him as a friend. He's a doctor with much to offer. I'm sure I'll never meet him in person but he's a wealth of knowledge, advice, and fun. I've never seen any viciousness or overt control, just egotistical playing with people. Maybe the meaness is there but I haven't seen it. Just lack of response and interest sometimes.

My egg donor is a narcissitic sociopath, she has done everything to destroy me her whole life. i was the truth teller, she turned all my siblings neices and nephews, my whole life she told everyone I was abusive, and a liar. thanks for sharing.

"6:00 "children are brought into this equation" thank you yes it is heart breaking all children are our children & I know like me you see people throw totally gorgeous (not lying) healthy living plants out in the freezing cold to die in the garbage & you wonder can they take care of that new baby like how can you not worry instead you think what am I doing that is careless that I might not be aware of and tweak your own errors to access more errors in general causality outside of time AND in our very short born diseased to treat cure diseases life of art of nature everything is actually scary & dangerous as you obviously know a lot of dedicated mutual shared leadership work has to go into our facing that all communications is formal communications and permanent a narc abuser criminals psychopath will say 'a drop of cyanide in the water is okay' but a drop of cyanide in a tank of water is still a drop of cyanide in a tank of water it is your duty to document and report anyone suggesting it is okay to drink water with "just a lil' bit of cyanide in it" ALL CRIME COLLECTIVELY IS CRIME CRIME IS CRIME IS< CRIME you have to find a way to records & report all crimes!!! this is life!! you can delete someones data but their history is in the NSA !!! there is a Yardley to every Stimson of dimwit criminal Edward Snowden saying "everything used to disappear like the morning dew" as if he knows what dew is for & 'forgot' that water is older than the sun & that our bodies are made of water Prosecutable jail time crimes also cybercrime everything is permanent Again you do not 'drink water with cyanide in it' ever - this is instant alarm bells you call in the town --- this is why you are a dr and why victims of abuse can prove what you are saying with facts records data & why you know this this is not a neurotic spectacle class this is an observer class a spectral surveillance class that avoids damage to our brains this is nuanced mathematics and magic numbers science class you know that We win because in the quantum world there are no winners or losers (:D AHHHHHHHHHH hahahaha but how? AHAHHAHAHHAHHA) but with art to *accept the truth of all we se all the TRUTH THE REALITY THE NOW* superfluid mirror attacks surveillance generated search engines ala Lena Khan & Nick Yee the whorf hypothesis & metadata location data medical data & more --- protect me from myself ;) type arbitrage subterfuge always win against criminals fifth dimensional immunity chess freedom ": like Wave Decompression Combinatorics in a Retrocausal Origins Theory :D* =D

I have no idea what’s wrong with this narc girl