What happens when you leave a narcissist? What is happening on the other side? What to expect? 

"They'll get back into your life for the sole purpose of leaving you." Yep! This is very vengeful, evil, manipulative, and hurtful to the mind, body, and soul. I've had to spend a lot of time forgiving myself for allowing this traumatic pattern into my life. There is a point where I had to take the responsibility for enabling the cycles. Sending love to everyone going through this!! You are worth the freedom of breaking away from the cycles. Thank you, Ben, for your work! It is awareness like this where I find clarity.

The part I cannot understand is that they desperately need supply and validation. Empaths give them a ton of that! Then they abuse the woman so bad that she is a shell of her self and can no longer be a good source of supply. If they are that self-centered as you’re describing then why don’t they figure out that if they could just treat the woman even halfway decent she would’ve given him the world. You would think purely out of self-preservation that they would figure that out and keep that mask on at all costs

Been through all of that. It's horrible especially the future faking. Here I was planning a wedding he was never going to go through with. If narcs are so concerned with control maybe they should learn control over themselves. 😒 🙄No offense to you Ben.

Broke up with a narcissist and she literally hoovered me for a full year. I went back and then her personality flipped instantly. She came back strictly to discard me because her ego couldn’t handle that I left her the first time. I left her again anyway. They don’t like to lose

It's simple. When you leave a narcissist a black hole forms somewhere in the deep universe

Lol there's a billboard in our town where a business writes things every week on. This last week it was 'the grass may be greener on the other side, but that may be due to a sceptic tank issue' 🤣

It just get nasty and ugly... I'm now convinced I made the right choice to get out of that relationship. Better off being strangers.

Blocked yesterday.. I was anticipating extreme anxiety, but nothing. None of that. I knew I was ready. Can’t believe how good I feel physically (usually will get a migraine). It’s a small but significant sign of healing & growth.

Once, after the last straw, I asked my ex, “ So, wait. Was I the one yelling and belittling MYSELF at the restaurant?? Was I fighting and pointing a finger accusing MYSELF of being INSECURE because YOU wanted to take some women home with us?? I’m confused.” He was silent. I am so exhausted.

after I discarded i saw nothing but anger and rage !!

My experience was the absolute worst experience I’ve ever had with anyone in life hands down. I thought I knew hell on earth but now I really do. I don’t think I could have made a worse choice for a “life” partner. I’m considering myself lucky to be able to get out now. These people have no feelings or empathy, they don’t look at people as human, they look at them as something to use, they’re very good at lying and charming people into believing what they say but facts are these peoples biggest enemy. I feel they truly go out of their way to down you so they can excuse their own behavior- they’d do this to anyone, they’re a perpetual victim. Oh and yeah, using other people trying to get to you that way - to me these people are just as bad as the person putting them up to it.

Ben thank you so much for yet another great video! My ex told me he was lord, god, and king. He said I was here to serve him because he was daddy. When I left he couldn’t believe it and told me that he had no idea that I was planning to leave. He said people don’t leave him he leaves them. He said he writes the narrative not me. I went no contact and blocked him on social media. It’s tough at times, but I’ve never felt better.

Once you vomit them, don't eat them back.

when you block, they just call on private 😒

I understand the control is their way of breathing.

Omg 😭I used to tell him I was a piece of furniture... Constantly. I felt like nothing. He was always angry. I can't recall a time when he was happy unless he was stoned and playing on his phone. I stayed for so long. I feel like I will never heal

I stayed for years because I couldn’t figure it out. He targeted only me and my mental health so that nobody would believe me. After he alienated the kids I clued in. When I moved out I had 2 secret friends left and 2 fabulous therapists. One reminds me of this Ben and he has a whole toolbox of knowledge like they like drama. Dr. Jekyl is low key and he delights in people not knowing he’s the one. He’s got s snake charmer voice and every confidence that I have no family left. He’s such a nice guy

Zero to 100, spot on. I just can't comprehend how rage is so fast.

Best thing to do is shhhhhhhhh...stay quiet...❤❤❤ let time and their actions reveal it all...

They will do anything to suck you back in. The sweet talk lasts a few weeks and then they attack like tigers once again.

I could care less. He could get hit by a truck or win the lottery. I don't care.

My mother is a covert narc and she's given me the impression I couldn't do without her which made me get stuck traumabonded in relationships. My former Ex is a covert, I only found out about his and my mother's disorder after finally getting out of this hell which didn't even look like abuse. My Ex also told me something kinda like my mother did: "You'll never leave me/ you can't do without me." They both had nothing to give, AT ALL, but they drained me dry and got me suicidal. But yet they have the audacity to tell me I couldn't do without them. Well-I do. In an amazingly healthy relatiinship. I turned 50 before choosing someone who gives, which only happened AFTER I understood the abuse I've been exposed to since I was very little

My husband would tell me I have to do certain things because I’m his wife and he’s never gonna give me a divorce. He’s even threaten to kill me and anyone I get involved with. Right now I’m no contact and trying to heal.

Thanks for answering my question, Ben!! I can identify many of those behaviors and reactions in my ex now that It’s DAY TEN! I am waiting for the new supply stage because he’s so shallow and insecure as well as a way to retaliate. But, neither of us has social media, so I probably won’t witness anything. Why don’t people just stop FB and Insta? Major time suck and a narcissist’s playground!! I have the nine points of NPD posted on my wall to remind me that he hits eight of them! That keeps me from going back! But, the feelings ebb and flow… just trying to be good with sitting in the sadness and anger knowing every day is a tiny bit better without him!

This is a great video, gives clarity. I have no doubt that he changed the story in his own head after I went no contact. Been out 8 months 💪

Oh yes! They do rewrite or edit history.

What I'm focusing on when I try to figure out what happened: Sometimes it's not necessary for you to figure out how you got to this problem to know how to move ahead.

Beware of people who say, "there are two sides to every story", but never ask what your side of the story is. These are the flying monkeys.

Once again spot on!

Your videos are very eyes opening. Thank you for your work!

thank God after 6 months and being choked the police now believe me, he's an IRS, internal revenue service person that works there supposed to have integrity. what kind of integrity does a man have to abuse a woman?

One of the best descriptions I’ve heard. This was so on point. Thanks Ben.

Hi Ben your doing a wonderful thing here . Need more like you . Well done and keep going!

Very informative. Thank you so much for doing these videos

Brilliant video again. Got so much clarity. ❤

My ex told everyone his ex was a lesbian and left him for a woman. After a few months I found out thru his adult son it was all a lie, no truth to it at all.

I filed. He went through a full blown narc rage with drug and alcohol. Told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted to explore other options very calmly then next day continued rage and stated he didn’t want to separate and all I thought was how crazy he was. He got mad at my responses and continued down a dark spiral. Was arrested. Found another. Got in trouble with the law again with her, continued addictions and choices and thankfully his bail throughout all that prevented him from contacting me and will be officially divorced in the next few weeks without his say. I believe he has moved on either way to this new person being his focus and thankful to God the ending is playing out with my safety and sanity in mind. We were together 5 miserable years. I learned in one individual everything I don’t want in a relationship. I gave all and received no value in return. Joy is something I always experience and thankful I don’t have someone trying to continue to steal that from me.

great content! sums up pretty much everything 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

Hahaha the toaster 😂 this made things click for me! Yes! Thank you!!!

I left her 6 weeks ago after one of her “moments”. She tried a mini hoover almost straight away but I didn’t fall for it so she twisted the breakup on me making herself as the victim. Then came the blocking and silent treatment. I found out shortly after that she had found her new supply within 5 days of me walking out. I don’t expect to ever hear off her again as I called her out as a narcissist and she knows I know that the last two years was imaginary

Always always very helpful. Ur worst you has made you your besy you. Thank you thank you. 👌. 🙏 ☺ 🍀

Thanks for all. Sorry I missed the meet and greet. Brother got married. Can't wait for the next!

If they make you leave? They do not care anymore

Great content for sure💥 Thank you

Once a toaster never a toaster again 🤪 I got my toaster out of the kitchen. I can’t eat toast anymore without that Aha moment 😂

Look at you with your intro now, Ben! Lol love your videos! :)

I'm not a toaster! 😁 👍

OMG, I was a toaster! Ben that’s such an interesting comparison but I guarantee you are 110% right! Holy crappers!🤡🤡🤡👈🏻

Man....this is spot on to my experience. Throughout our entire relationship, she was continually smearing her ex. I found it odd that she did this, but I just thought, "Based on what she told me, her ex is a horrible person, so this means she's over him!" After learning all I could about narcissism after leaving her, I can see that her behavior is just the tip of the iceberg.

I had to leave, I couldn’t overlook another vicious lie. The blatant disrespect and constant insults to my intelligence became absolutely unbearable.

Great video 🌈🌈

Fancy intro, too!

I would guess to expect incongruous meanness.

Narc wife has been gaslighting herself, trying to gaslight me. Gaslighting turned into smear campaigns telling stories that were centered around truths but either omitting major facts or distorting the truth to paint the picture that I was some kind of monster. Pure victim mentality to bring support from friends and the new supply to become her savior.

I kept leaving and going back but im officially done going back, we tried being friends but I realized that I was being involved with a toxic individual and I needed to stay away not just for myself but for them as well. I feel bad that I’ve left agin, I couldn’t stomach saying that we would be nothing in the future so I just left with out explaining myself, in the past I would try to make it work but leave explaining myself but again I would go back. That’s my fault going back over and over in the end I had to realize it wasn’t healthy no matter what. now each day im gaining back the idea of who I am

I had years of him threatening to leave or telling me to go. I had nearly 3 decades of his abusive behaviour and one day I just had enough, realised my relationship was abusive and to say i was devastated is an understatement. I left in 2019 and for the past 3 years he's found me in refuge and when i moved from refuge to my current house. He's now the ultimate victim cos i left him. He's gone through the rage and anger stage, he went to counselling. Every step of the way, ive not contacted him. whenever i stand up to him, which is a lot easier now than when i lived with him, he goes MIA for around 4 days. I'm passed thinking something could be wrong. My problem is, he's no longer being nasty, he just won't leave me alone. I've filed for divorce yet im sure this still won't get the message through. I've tried ignoring his calls, he just turns up at my door. Any advice would be appreciated

Ben, you are so on the money. I feel like you are my ex's twin brother. He never believed I would leave. I've now done it, but i don't think he'll believe me until maybe six months down the track when he realizes I'm not coming back.

Yep. That's what happened to me. I'm done. I'll never go back. He's done it a few times. Slow learner.

Mine totaled his car, could pay his tab at the strip club, and probably more dumb shit that so stupid I don’t even remember. He was out of narc supply. If I only knew then I would have had him help himself get a dui and a felony for not being able to pay his tab and get out of the bullshit with the car accident. I’ll tell you, if I only would have known then I would have let him figure it out on his own.🤡🤡🤡🤡👈🏻

I am a twin flame and based on what I’ve gone thru with my twin depending on our life and how we were raised and old relationships behavior repeating heck yea that act like a narcissist! It’s at this point we may have to set up boundaries and go our own way and heal . The process of finding your twin is very very different than your list . Heck I knew i comfortable and talked easily when I met my twin but heck I didn’t know who he was to me right away took a bit. Then there kundalini awakening, engery traveling up and down your body, telepathy we’re you can here your twin in your head speak at times a mean freaky stuff things you can’t tell anyone cause the think your crazy lol. But I’m dealing with this behavior right now I really didn’t see it comming known him 9 years never lived with him or maybe I would have noticed but he is going thru it right now and is protecting himself but that does not ever mean you take abuse of any kind but we have to learn this like everybody thank you for your positivity about us it’s very kind enjoyed your videos!

My ex husband came back after I kicked him out for asking out his co worker. And he manipulated his way back into the house, pretended to be everything I wanted in a man of God. Just to get back at me, but God only allowed it for a little bit until he started to face His wrath. He future faked so much, hurt me deeply. But because he was faking to be this Christian man of God, the Lord was not pleased with that, neither was He pleased with the abuse he caused His daughter. Allow God to set you guys free from this.

In one line? They go crazy.

The ex was a sore looser about it, he called my mom and asked her if I was ready to file for divorce since we were separated, and I had already moved on to someone else and I told my mom yes I was ready to move on, so we got a lawyer and went through the proceedings and once he received word that the divorce was final he hit up the guy I was with at the time and told him I sincerely hope that you are happy with her and that she treats you a lot better than she treats me like what the actual eff

So far I can't get a restraining order and I don't know if the police will arrest him for grabbing me. Luckily I have some nice friends who will walk me to my car and let me stay at their house if it scares me. The "man" who said that he would protect me with his life is finding ways to hurt me. What I don't know is if he will escalate once the divorce is final.

Separated from my narcissistic wife and she started trying to blame me for the problems she was having with my kids. To add, I left only because she made a "second"attempt to try and get me arrested and I did nothing wrong.

What happens after?!? narc has already gotten into another relationship before the victim has left, the narc turns the abuse they caused to the victim on to themselves ." Poor me ,I forgive you all for betraying me". The bdrp

Thank you for your great videos! You say narcissists think they're innocent. But my narcissist (or sociopath) threatened to hack my accounts, send viruses to my sites etc etc etc. I mean, does he still think that he's innocent after all these threats???

A lot of this made sense. I moved away from Mom and stepfather (both narcs but different kinds) and their responses were really odd. I'd been told it was time to move out due to emotionally snapping finally after 13 years and suddenly stepfather isn't sure and Mom get so messed up SHE claims stepfather is abusive and moves in with a friend (didn't last and ofc after the hoover by stepfather, he and I are to blame for her leaving). Stepfather understands but underlying 'you can stay" is there. I left the state and went no contact in January after mom snapped in a family group chat and realized she was narcissistic after researching. I've completely blocked them and didn't get an "apology" from mom until 5 weeks after the event. Siblings and mom's family are no contact or no response with her. Mom's stuck in her narc nest apparently looking quite attention seeking/psychotic on social media and everyone else is happier. I'm learning and growing so ty for your perspective. It helps a lot!

Does it matter "whom leaves whom" first?

Question for you. Do you think there is any difference in how the narcissist reacts depending on whether they are male or female?

What are the nine points of NPD?

Ben, do you still think about old supply? Do you still have those experiences and feelings of not believing they could leave you?

After 30yrs...7 break ups/ divorce..and still buying a home..having him get with a coworker..she was messy..and came to my home dropped pics by my car?..well..that's all I needed!..its been blk..crickets since..a Hoover 3yrs ago..I took over home..he was astonished..didnt think I could..well I did..he pays rent..but..still hasnt transferred?? Wth?..I'm giving it 1yr more..then..time to go pimping!..vivid screwed it up!

Hey Ben. Check out " Sam Vaknin " on RU-vid. He's a clinical psychologist & will clear up your take on there being overt & covert narcissists. Thier all covert mate. With variations from the covert title. But have a listen to him. He's also an aware narcissist & been aware for well over a decade now. Love your Great videos. 👍 thanks

I’m such a toaster 🙈

Today I hoovered myself back in. Went no contact 5 months ago after I left her. The relationship got so bad with all the hot and cold and the discards and so on I couldn't take it anymore. But I didn't block her and me and her we didn't delete our numbers. So today I discovered I couldn't see her profile pic on WhatsApp anymore. I panicked,.got impulsive and asked her why she deleted my number all of a sudden. Her answer: I didn't delete you. Why do you think that? Me: I don't see your pic anymore, so I came to that conclusion. She: Hmm.. I don't know why it is that way ?! She even repeated that lie and kept gaslighting me after I send her a screenshot. What the heck? I don't understand this. Why telling a lie about something that obvious instead of saying: yep, I deleted your number bc I don't think we will talk anymore. What is the point? Was it a try to test me? Today was kind of an anniversary btw..Exact one year ago we met for the first time. But she didn't even bothered to congratulate me on my birthday two months ago so what is the point here? I don't get it. And I see, it still gets to me. I think she tested me with that one today. And she won. She could see I still care in a way. I hope I'll have the strength to delete her number tomorrow. I really don't get this. I've been nothing but kind and caring, I cherished her. And she's still not respecting me, still gaslighting me. They really do not change :(

Does he know that he’s rewriting history or does he believe it??

What about when you have kids??

theres somthing called mgtow.

Ben what percentage of coverts do you think will actually stalk you one day? I would not. tolerate that crap!🙄

Good Article. People might wonder what is the point of all this preaching why are people always bothering us about the bible and what Jesus said. It is because 100,000s of thousands of people die every day and most of them are probably not going to Heaven. Jesus said there is a narrow way and FEW people find it. When Jesus spoke to his people he said "little flock" because most people have not really taken the time to explore the bible to see what it takes for Jesus to take us into Heaven when we leave this earth. It is a very sad reality but Jesus is a fierce judge when we actually look at the bible. Like the bible says "Our God is a consuming fire". The bible says for everyone to work out their salvation and spend their time sojourning on earth in fear and trembling. The bible says be afflicted and mourn let you laughing be turned into morning and your joy to heaviness. Those who laugh now will mourn later. Like John Macarthur a great preacher says God gave an impossible message to unremarkable people. It's like Jesus said I have to hate my life, and give up all my desires to follow him or I will be punished for eternity? That’s pretty harsh. But it is because he is such a Holy God and no sin in life will go unpunished he paid for our sin but we have to receive the gift of salvation to go to Heaven. How do we get this? That is a very complicated thing but the bible lays it out for us. And we can find the way to Jesus when we seek the truth and let the word cleanse our heart. Which is why Jesus said I am the way the truth and the life no one comes to the father but by me. I am the door and if anyone comes in any other way he is a thief and a robber. And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness. In this verse the bible is speaking about those who received not the love of the truth. Those who wanted to live their own way. The bible always says the gospel message is foolish to those who are perishing. In the article below it talks about the importance of repentance. We must repent of sin and turn to God. We must repent from taking our own path and turn to God or our direction will not be good. Those who don't know Jesus will go to the same place as the worst of the worst. The father of Satanism on his dead bed was saying before he died what have I done what have I done something is very wrong something is very wrong. John Hagee speaks of visiting someone on his dead bed who said preacher PRAY PRAY PRAY I can feel the flames of hell PRAY as he died. This is a very serious thing. The alternative is eternal punishment in the lake of fire. Whaling and knashing of teeth. The Holy Ghost will be our prosecutor and render us guilty as charged. Because the intent of Jesus was for us to live a live in submission to him and his word. www.desiringgod.org/messages/unless-you-repent-you-will-all-likewise-perish Other recommended videos The Only Road to Heaven & Saved or Self Deceived Part 1&2 by John Macarthur