My son will be 25 years old next month. I have finally concluded my son is a bully and has no intention on changing. I have ceased all communication with him. I plan to focus on myself and let life teach him.
@Cheryl woodward It is a stand against abuse and disrespect. I will always love my son, and I raised him with love. Now that he is grown, I don't have to tolerate being mistreated. We have resumed our communication but whenever he decides to be disrespectful again I will cut him off again. Period. You will have to make this decision for yourself. Everybody has a breaking point. I reached mine.
I advocate for ceasing all contact with toxic individuals in any instance. Young people cutting off their toxic parents, and parents cutting off their toxic youth (yes, both cases can happen), it is good to set boundaries in all relationships.
Yes, I’m done too. I’m devastated, heartbroken but I will get through this. WE GET THROUGH. I’m not a doormat. I’ve even accepted the fact that I will sacrifice any future chance of grandchildren one day. No, I listen. The kid does not. Does this guy know how the millennial generation is?
I have three kids and they can be so disrespectful at times they say things that they know it’s going to cut like a knife but I choose to love them from a far and put them on the altar and let God deal with them because I refuse to be disrespected any more !!!
@@nancybrown2609 I pray for you and your sons relationship. We all go through things with our kids. My kids have did a 360 and I gave them to God and he gave them back to me and we have a wonderful relationship so if he can do it for me I know he can do it for you and your husband pray for your son turn them over to God.
My son is 32 years old' he suddenly stopped talking to me 9 months ago and I have no idea why, he will not answer my phone calls or text messages so I went to see him yesterday and he told me to go away he was very calm he did not yell at me or curse at me just repeatedly told me to go away he said " I needs time and space and you're not giving it to me" I don't know what's going on, how do I communicate with him if he won't speak to me? Or should I just leave him alone until he's ready? This is literally causing me health problems.
Tammy, you don't control what is going on with your son so you may need to step away for a bit. Let him know you love him no matter what and even if and will be there when he is ready to talk.
My husband and I apologize all the time with our sons. They apologize to us in return, however, when we receive an apology there is always forgiveness but with one of my sons doesn't forgive and holds on to negative feelings. It's heart breaking.
I asked my daughter to put her dog and her cat in the downstairs bathroom. She put the cat in there and she left the dog on the door with his leash he got out and peed on my couches, pooped all over my stuff and peed every where. When I say I cried and screamed I had a horrible day. Then she kept disregarding my requests I asked her to put her dog in the cage well she didn’t and he got out!!! 😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 I am so tired of the disrespect,disregard and the complete Eff u mom!!! I apologize often I’m not apologizing!!! I spoke and was calm and she finally apologized for the first time!!!
I usually say “I’m apparently not clear on what you’re trying to say. Will you please elaborate a bit?” My daughter will then take a breath and reword her thoughts. Most of the time it’s a lot less harsh the second time around and she knows I really care about hearing and understanding her point
Im done apologizing!! I don’t need to back off. She needs to respect me PERIOD!! I will not be a doormat!! I’m the parent regardless of how old they are!! I raised all 3 of them by myself. If they can’t respect that I laid down my life for them then…..I’m not doing it! I’m tired of walking on eggshells never knowing if what I say is going to trigger her!
Grew up being taught that age is honorable whether you agree with elders or not. If lucky your children will grow to realize and appreciate your efforts and love .Meantime they may have to learn the hard way causing suffering for themselves and those close to them. Its their responsibility not yours. Excruciating to witness the misery they can create for themselves often identifying you as its source.Live a good life. Set a good example . Let them draw their own conclusions. Best wishes to you.
Sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much I’ve seen this with my other friends and one thing they all didn’t do when the kids were young is being consistent with their parenting/rules. That’s HUGE!
I have tried many approaches. My preferred approach is to remain silent then remove myself from the situation as soon as possible. At this point when someone disrespects me I feel that they don`t value the relationship so I terminate it or distance myself.
I have tried everything. No matter what I do works. I finally said I was not apologizing anymore. The more I do for them the worse it gets. Whatever I do or say is met with increased anger; insults; accusations. They want gifts just to throw them back in my face. If I don't give a gift, sparks fly. Like you, Joan, I am through. I am ignoring them. I am convinced they want a fight and I'm not giving it to them. This way I am not hurt.
Having the same issue with my nephew (18). I also decided to never ask him again to take care of even a simple task, like take out the garbage. I’m sorry but our Marxist education system since the 80’s has turned our kids into little narcissist. It will be an Act of God to disconnect them from this matrix. So I pray for that day as my only remedy
I financially support my daughter and her 3 children. I do it for my grandchildren and I’m not wealthy. However, I’m at the end of my rope. My daughter is so verbally abusive and disrespectful I’m ready to walk away from the relationship completely. I have prayed and given all I have to give.
I'm sorry you won't have the relationship you want. That is o.k. You have done what you could and you will know that you tried and gave it your everything.
None of your advice has worked for me. My daughter is 35 and will allow my 10 year old grand daughter to scream at me, speak to me any way she wants. No discipline for the way she is to me, instead of addressing this issue with her daughter. She will go and speak to her in a whisper. In another room Well mom you seemed a little argementiv when I came home. So not true. Now I see why parents walk away from their children 😢
My mother would describe me as "verbally abusive" but I'm not. I've begged her to hear me for 3+ years and she won't . What is your daughter saying? Is there something in there that you simply will not hear? Your absolute prerogative to cut off the money though, I wish my parents had done this sooner as they wanted me to respect their distorted narratives about me in return for the money. Eventually I said nope, you either listen to me once before we all die or we cannot have a fake relationship but they prefer to give me the silent treatment forever than just hear me out for 5 minutes
My Lord, my Commander-in-Chief, instructed me in 1982, “Oppression is not My portion for you. Whenever you are feeling oppressed, know that it is not from Me because oppression is not what I have for you. So if it’s not from me, what are you to do?” I believe that failure to stand up to bullying is failure to stand up for justice according to God’s POV.
I know exactly how you feel. I hope you get free, for your own peace of mind!! You deserve to be happy. Wait until her children grow up and start to disrespect her! She'll find out.
Actions speak louder than words. Perhaps they feel that verbal apologies are insincere attempts to control them. If they distrust you, they will be skeptical of your attempts to make amends.
U are absolutely right, certain people u cannot reason with. My 26 and 20 year old is verbally abusive and have called me a b because I will not allow them to run my household according to what they want to do and they do t work or pay rent. May have to go to court to get them away from me or give up my 3 bedroom apartment and then they will have to do something with their lives. Your children dont rule you they need to responsible adults and move out instead of being free loader.
@@marthachabinsky3048 Basically, you cannot deal logically with illogical people nor can you treat abusive people with respect as a modeling technique, because they do not understand the concept. Respect is so foreign in abusive dysfunctional families. Emotional immaturity in adults is rampant in previous generations and current ones without good education. When I was younger, I knew many people who were raised by their grandparents and were taken to church weekly. That made a huge difference with respect issues, depending on the congregation and their community activities, of course.
There really is a generation gap. Grown children once they are married with kids of their own - you the grandparent - become another child, that this bully you didn't raise to behave this way - to tell you what to do!! Questioning for clarity they claim is starting an argument. I'm estranged, and it's been liberation! Really.
My daughter has been so consistently hateful to me that I have had to pretty much completely disengage - meaning, I do not interact with her unless it is about my grandson. It’s sad that it’s come to this, but I cannot continue to subject myself to her verbally abusive tendencies.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I am hoping she will get older and see things differently. You know what they say about how we become our parents. There is some truth to that! (And some funny Progressive Insurance commercials about it.)
Similar situation my daughter refuses to contact me and advises me l can never see my grandchildren. She got mad at me 1 day because l was babysitting my stepsons children and was jealous that she felt all the attention l had should be on her 2 children because they were blood related. The funny thing is to this day my stepsons children call me Grandma. Blood doesn't matter. It never matters to me they're family. It really breaks my heart that this jealous streak in her keeps me from having any type of relationship with my grandsons.
I’ve apologized to my son for whatever he thought I said or did, and here’s the deal. He was NEVER abused, he was loved and cared for. We paid for summer camp, swim lessons and cheered him at his football games. We didn’t drink smoke or take drugs. He has PTSD from a very abusive marriage, and has made us his punching bag. I’m DONE being abused by him.
This video just hurt/shamed a lot of parents who are receiving verbal abuse from their adult children. Your advice is to apologize to people who are being verbally abusive to you? I know you meant well, as an advocate for the adult child, but who will advocate for the parent? Your advice should have included setting boundaries. I think you are a terrific counselor, but I am going to have to advocate for the parents on this one.
Apologizing for something you have not done Is ridiculous ….all children today only think about themselves and their lives…a parent has born these children, clothed them, loved them, sacrificed for them, worried about them, and supported them to adulthood not only emotionally but financially. If a parent says what the adult children are doing that I don’t agree with and that causes them to terminate our relationship, then so be it. I have no regrets.
OK. Let me review: 1. APOLOGIZE: "Dear (42-yr-old) daughter, I apologize for deciding to help you out, when you had nowhere else to go, with a furnished room of your own, free rent, free food, free utilities, free toiletries, free use of my washer/dryer and detergent, free maid service (since you claim to have neck pain), free toiletries, free paper towels, free Kleenex, free toilet paper, use of my clothes (even my underwear, sleepwear and socks), free wifi and smart TV entertainment, and on and on..... 2. ......... I can't...... 2. INSTEAD SAY: "I love you, darling, but you have 30 days to either start contributing some money for rent, utilities and groceries, start cooking for yourself, help out with housework, not let another disrespectful word pass out of your lips towards me, take responsibility for yourself OR move out. And take all your stuff I've been storing for you the past 10 years in my garage with you." 3. APOLOGIZE TO MYSELF: Dear Self, I apologize for being Bobo the Fool, being a weak parent afraid of what would become of your adult child without your diaper-changing, I mean help. Pease remember to change the locks today."
I mean, you can always use the Socratic Method. Ask your child questions and then ask follow-up questions to inspire critical thought and get them to assess their beliefs, assumptions, and actions so that they can determine whether they are helping them to get what they want or if they may be unknowingly undermining their own interests because they have not put much thought into why they do what they do.
I think apologizing for something you didnt do wont happen. Soft parenting got me in this spot. It took a therapist to help me identify i was being abused by my kids!
Same here. I have accepted everything and supported to be treated like dirt. I've been told I made my kids narcissists b/c I gave them everything! No I didn't! I was ALONE! I did not make enough to give them everything! But after 18, daddy comes back in (never paid $$$) and I've been dumped.
Oh I am agreeing with you!!! Their Dad died from a heart attack @ 55 years old. Those daughters of ours do not care one ounce about anything I have been through. I am embarrassed to admit they are the most selfish people I know.
I hear ya! I'm not apologizing for the cruel treatment I've received and did for years. When I turned 70 this year I decided I was done with it. Not what I wanted or planned when I gave birth to 3 "perfect " babies . They grew up to be opinionated , close minded,mean,judgemental,asses.
I'm not sure the apologizing is a good thing. When a parent keeps giving, all they expect is more. When you say enough, no more. We are the bad guys. I didn't spoil with toys or clothes. I kept bailing him out of life situations. Found out he stoled money from an employer. He is not my only child. Have 4 others. To be estranged by your child and hear stories that tear at your heart. I just know I raised him properly. He's an adult.
When I’m constantly being disrespected by my adult child who talks down to me and flies off the handle about small things that I say, I’m not going to apologize to her. She will just completely walk all over me if I do that. I think the problem is that she hates her life
I’m so glad I came here. My 38 year old daughter is a successful business woman and I notice that the more successful she becomes, the more arrogant she becomes. Yesterday, she told me I’m not on her level regarding business so basically, I need to shut up. We haven’t spoke since. I feel guilty, sad, depressed, etc. Just for the record, my daughter was never abused or neglected. She was in private school until Jr. High and have a relationship with me and her dad (we’re divorced). Please pray for us
38 years old and she thinks she has surpassed you? That statement is demeaning, cruel and deliberate. You diapered her, fed her, was there to grow her into an adult. She has a low emotional IQ, like a bratty child. Remove yourself.
@@sophisticatedbeauty8334 - I’m her mother. I was there and I know she wasn’t abused or neglected. Believe me, she would have told me. She often talks about her childhood and abused and neglected is never mentioned so I’m pretty confident of that. If anything, it’s because she was given too much. I can’t remember ever spanking my daughter. She was a wonderful kid
I will be praying for you and for her whole generation. They seem to not know that even seeing judgmentally / condescendingly is not their purview. NO ONE is entitled to that.
Leave them alone and live your life! Until they see that their lack of self control towards a parent is wrong they will wreak havoc in your life as an adult who has less time to live. I am speaking only to parents who have not abandoned or actually harmed their kids. Some parents have traumatized their adult kids… if you have been a relatively good parent and keep getting kicked in your butt by your out of control adult kids.. I’m cautiously open to a better relationship but I’m putting me first from now on.
AFTER READING THESE COMMENTS; I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY. TO DEAL WITH A SPOIL & NARCISSIST ADULT IS AFFECTING MY HEALTH; I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING WHAT HE'S SAYING. IT HAVEN'T HELP ME. DEFINITELY I WILL DISTANCE FROM HER & SADLY, FROM MY GRANDCHILDREN.
As sad as it is you may have to do that for a time. It may make her think about how she is treating you and hurting you. As you see many many parents are in the same situation. We are not alone. Gain strength from that. Sorry this is happening to you. I know it's very hard.❤
I'm so fed up regarding my 35 year old daughter. Nothing and I mean nothing makes her happy! I've tried and tried! When my parents passed away, I off her debts and helped her beyond measure. Yup, it helped but time flew and she started to still be disrespectful, and it was an act. I've houses at, babysat, and pet sat and her and my son in law are both rude and arrogant!! We had a fight, she blocked me. So I washed my hands. Sick of walking on eggshells and kissing her ass! I never disrespected my parents. I took care of them in their last 18 years on this Earth and honoured them. I raised my daughter and two son's with mistakes, and apologized for it but was NEVER abusive. I'm not putting up with her crap! I love my grandbabies and will miss them but to be honest, the way she's raising those 3, she's putting a rod in her own back. Good luck to her and shame on her for using me. Again!
I personally think this is a generational problem with children that have been mollycoddled and subject to very nasty media that degrades the role of a parent in a child's life. Look at commercials where dad is a bozo or parents are laughably out of touch or goofy. Disrespect is hilarious to these jerks. These commercials would be poorly received in a culture where elders are treated with more respect than they probably deserve but are given anyway.
Not true. They think they’re much better at it than your,” old fashioned ways”. Example; grandchild wants to know what a tool is. I say nail gun. I’m interrupted in my conversation. It’s a newmatic nailer. Can’t say gun. A year later they’re playing with water pistols. Can’t call them that, I asked in advance. Another 6 months their having nurf GUN fights with their other grandparents. This behavior happens consistently. I follow their boundaries but no one else needs to
I made a heartfelt apology to my grown daughter for something I did years ago that was plain wrong. Won't go into it here. My daughter took it as a sign of weakness and homed in on my guilt. She has never let up and it's impossible to be around her for any length of time. This has been going on for years. I know one thing and that is I meant a lot more to her when I had more money. She sure didn't slam me then. Edie: A year later ---after reading comments I need to amend my post. I did NOT do anything in any physical way, to my daughter. What happened is I was arrested 24 years ago on a drug charge and that is what hurt her.
Glowgirl, let her know that you are not living in the past and don't discuss it anymore. If she starts to discuss you can choose to walk away and not respond.
Heck no! I’m done. My son and his wife planned a wedding that neither me nor his brother ( during COVID. Pre vaccine, testing and quarantine required in both states and his brothers senior year). We live in the south and my eldest son and his new wife live in Alaska. Did they face time us, no. I kept giving the benefit of doubt. Sent 5000.00 as a gift. Did I get a thank you ? No. Then year and a half later my first grandson is born. My son face timed me with the new baby. It was wonderful. I got them everything they wanted off the registry that wasn’t chosen plus a few. Did anyone let me know the stuff came in the mail ? No. No thank you’s. No pics with my grandson in something I got him. Nothing. Then they move to Colorado. I just sent a couple of things since they were not in their home yet. So excited. I can’t wait to see them. Then they took a trip back to Alaska for a visit. I found out on FB. My friend told me. Then they decided she and the baby would move back since, he was going to training before deployment. I still have never met my grandson. When I bring this up, I am accused of manipulating. I have never had face time since his birth. My son, I don’t know him. I have had 3 surgeries, going into Stage 4 renal failure and not once have they asked how I feel. They have invited me to his bday party in Alaska. I can’t go. No! I now don’t want to meet my grandson who is being hung like a carrot before me. I have let go. It’s much easier to let go if a child I have never met. Done.
I hope your health is better. Your son's bad behavior reflects on him, not you. He might wise up if you put your relationship on pause. If you continue with money and gifts he gets rewards for his disrespect.
There comes a time when you just have to go numb. I have no feelings because of so many rejections and losses. It is cruel when people do not include you in anything and even seem to revel in telling you about all the good times. I say shame on any adult child who was given everything and treated well who disses off a loving parent. It is almost as if one wants to break my heart the final time. I already have been through enough. So I say...to heck with that ! Maybe it will take a tragedy to make some people gain empathy or maybe they are just narcissists who well..better to go stone.
So basically when your adult child is disrespectful your supposed to pause, apologize to them for making them upset and then listen to more of their insults and disrespect. What a joke. You are not doing your brat adult children any favors with this method. You think their boss at work or anyone else for that matter will do this. Life will be very rough for these entitled emotionally weak young adults.
Hello. How can we listen when nothing is ever said or done. Of course this son isn’t so young. He is 28 and has decided to let another ruin our relationship. We never had an issue then boom! Sorry no apology. I don’t have time to play games with people who use their baby as a carrot. I have stopped trying to co tact them. Too many lies. Two weeks into his wife being back to Alaska my son starts sounding like his self. However I recognized he had his own life and wished him well. I know I’m not misunderstanding his change as he told me he was feeling a bit paranoid because, his friends were making consults. It’s sad but, no I’m done. He will have to walk this path alone.
I too am done apologizing. But I will agree to take your advice of not speaking my mind until the adrenaline calms down. My son now 33 continues to bring up the past at every family gathering. He never has anything good to say about other people. Loves playing the victim. Loves insulting and demeaning his siblings and other family members. And recently at a dinner out for his nine-year-old son's birthday. He declared in front of everyone that when I'm old he's going to put me in a home because that's what I fear the most! Then he said payback time! I'm done tolerating this child's threats and abuse. I received absolutely nothing from him ever accept requests for money, babysitting, help with house cleaning and chores etc etc etc. But he refuses to lift a finger to ever help anyone else. He won't work and the baby mama supports him and three children. He has made remarks and veiled threats spoken as jokes about having his parents and grandparents institutionalized so he can take over their houses, land and finances. The disgusting part is it's not a joke. He's just waiting for people to die so he can spend their money. I have so much hurt and anger when I think about him that it just breaks my heart. He was my first born son and I doted on him day and night. He never had a diaper rash or even the slightest cold until he was almost one year old. The sun rose and set on him. I could have never imagined a day I would feel anything but undivided adoration towards him
@@annedm684 mine too. When I hear all this things happening to parents that put their interest to the side and took care of their children instead. They gave up their life for this little person and now is pay back? When u retire pay back is a good thing. This are the humans we have now. What has help me cope thru out the years is the Bible. Otherwise I think I would had been dead. If u beliefs in GOD and look to him for answers he will answer us and give u hope and relief. He will not take care of ur problems but he will give u the tools to deal with them. U have to do the work. Because these help me understand I want to share: Matthew 6:34/ 1 Peter 5:7/ Hebrews 13:5 /Philippians 4:6,7, ( most important to know 2 Timothy 3:1-5. ) you will see that it’s not ur faul. U the good guy here. U gave it ur all.
Mannnn sometimes you have to say well "fudge" you too even if it is your own children. When is enough ENOUGH!? Will always love them and I'll always keep them in prayers but we also have feelings and to hear your child speak to you a certain way kills your spirit.
Parents who are in the wrong are the least likely to apologize. I was in my 30s before my mother apologized to me for anything. Favoring my younger sister. Everything I did was my fault. Everything my sister did was also my fault. For example if my sister stole something of mine, it was my fault because I put temptation in front of her. I was told that uf I was a real Christian I would have given it to her rather than force her to steal from me. If she wore and ruined my clothes. My sister was taken shopping while I was stuck wearing mended clothes. If my sister broke something of mine my mother would cover it up to protect her. A parent should teach their children to face and accept the consequences of their own choices, not find a way to make it someone else's fault. This experience has turned me into a no nonsense take no excuses, you have no one to blame, but you for your decisions kind of person.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I agree. The number 1 cause of atheism are people who do evil in God's name. Number 2 is people who honor Christ with their lips yet deniy Him with their lifestyle
I disagree with your recommendation #2.. Apologizing, in order to keep the peace brings unaccountability.. Todays society is full of entitled children.. as adults we must be good listeners and have the ability to agree to disagree. One cannot be so affraid to lose our relationship with our children that at times they use these skills to manipulate us parents; thus the society of children still living in parents basements. I love my children; I can listen, reason and work on differences...but I draw the line in taking blame for an unhealthy relationship.
Ok wow I’m not the only one. Starting to realize this. My first step is finally sinking in. I’m not the only mother in the world in this heartbreaking situation. Disrespect started at 11 yrs old. He is 35 now. I really am heartbroken as a single mother and my only child. Depressed beyond belief. But I know I need to let this go and just live my life. Way easier said than done. Signed heart broken mom 😢 But I’ll get there. 😊
I feel for you. My 34 year old daughter has been abusive since she was 15. She does live with a chronic mental illness, but so do I. I’m a single mother and she is my only child. She truly believes I terrorize her and abused her as a child. She claims I have caused her to have brain damage and can go to court and sue me for damages. She has memories that just aren’t true and large chucks of memories missing important facts. We had an extensive conversation, that ended being text messages on how she has fantasied since childhood hood of killing me. I sought mental health treatment early on for her because I could see what was going on…major mental illness runs on both sides of her family. She’s been convinced she was a normal, moody teenager and I got a thrill out of seeking medical care for her. Raising her nearly killed me. I spent 2 years crying after she cut me off the first time. Racked my brain trying to figure out where I went wrong. Ended up on short term disability for mental health treatment - twice. I’m done. I can’t have her insanity in my life. I’m determined I’m going to live the best life I can. I’m still very grateful I was given the opportunity to be a mother, dispute how hard it was. Being a mother made want to be the best version of myself I could.
I am glad I am not the only one that has been a single parent, that has set the son up well, supported him at sport and school on my own , mortgaged my house so he could build a house of his own, only for him to meet a girl that has completely turned him against me. He will lie so he hasn't got to see me. I have cried an ocean of tears.. now I am numb.. I have no feelings... my family was my world .. not sure why I am here now
Ii don’t agree with you. I think it’s completely wrong to grovel over something that you have never done nothing wrong just for the sake at making up. When a adult child is very disrespectful, I think it’s important that the parent stand strong and doesn’t beg or plead which only empowers them even more to their wrongness
Apologize for BS the kid made up after a parent has sacrificed everything for them? I'm sorry I won't do that. That's like apologizing for something I didn't do
My Daughter just turned 20 last week and I think she hates me😥 she has been disrespecting me started when she was 17yrs old but thought she will grow out of it. She's verbally abusive and mean. She moved away for college and I missed her like hell and now that she's home for Christmas my heart was filled with happiness to see my only child home but as usual her nasty behavior never changed she will do anything to be hurtful towards me and I gave her the best childhood. Its Christmas eve and just to hurt me she left with a friend and said she will return after Christmas. I looked forward to having the best Christmas with her but boy she hurt me so bad I can't take it anymore I just have to let her be although I'm a mother and will always love her but it hurts when your child hates you.
Diva me, next time let her know what your expectations are when she comes home, that she will be there for Christmas morning, etc. If that doesn't work for her, let her know she can make other plans.
When they ramble on about a dozen things that can’t be changed due to decisions THEY made. That’s not moms fault. DONE being the parent that does the most and gets trashed at every turn.
Once your child turns 18 you are legally no longer responsible for them. You help them out of the kindness of your heart, they are NOT entitled to anything you do for them at all.
Anyone still disrespecting their parents is NOT grown. If I THOUGHT of disrespecting my dad he would not hesitate to slap the taste out of mouth. And as I looked around the floor to pick up my face, I would be apologizing for my out of line behavior. You should not be giving advice to anyone.
I'm against apologizing if I haven't done anything wrong. This can backfire, especially if there's nothing to apologize for. It can be even used against you in court. Hold the truth as well as your ground.
It should take a lot of careful reflection before you decide that you “haven’t done anything wrong.” Maybe you did not intend to do wrong, but as humans it is our very nature to do so. Each one of us has many things to apologize for every day.
@@kaybeekalshould said she shouldn’t apologize if she hasn’t done anything wrong not that she would never apologize if she does do something wrong. There’s a difference. We can’t allow disrespect.
I just gave my 20 year old son 90 days to find a place. And I took my key, so when he comes home, he now has to knock on the door… 😂 freedom coming soon in my home
Yes, thank you for sharing. Parents often "threaten" this, but then they don't do anything but wonder why the child won't behave. Give the consequence.
My approach after years of trying? I’m done. I told him everything I’ve held in. I told him and his drama Queen girl that I’m done. I feel relief. I feel like I have saved myself from 5 more years of tears. They were in my old life. I’m starting my new life.
I just had a conflict with my daughter and her response was to cut off all communication and unfriended me on Facebook and blocked me. I just wrote her a letter apologizing for the way that I responded to the situation and asked her to call. I'm hoping she does so that we can have a conversation without the boyfriend being involved.
Those things do not work if your children are closed minded. I tried everything and it does not work. The best way is the learn to love yourself and stop the abuse. Everybody talks about child abuse, but lately it is a lot of parents abuse-Children abusing parents. When my husband died, I stop being a woman to be full time mother. I did everything I could to give them love and a good life. They were my life. Now they think they are better than I am, and treat me like garbage. I think we should raise children the way they were raised in the 40's and 50's.
I apologised to my daughter a few years ago. We had a terrible argument again about me being left out But it's me doing all the work. Now she has my beautiful grandson. But when he was a baby I would have him some weekends while she went out. Now he's older I very rarely see him. Unless I ask When I've sent messages about how she's doing I get one-word answers. The other week I watch my grandson play football (uk) and we were like strangers standing there. Mother's days was terrible though she did invite me over she laughed about accidentally throwing the gift away. And same with other celebrations. I couldn't care. Just don't lie to saying you have something for me when she doesn't. I'm planning on moving away because my sister plays her part in this coming inbetween my daughter and me. Ive tried inviting her places but shes always busy. She speaks very little of whats going on. She passes my house to see her aunty and not a knock on the door. Nothing So im going to move so i can live in peace. Ill.always love my daughter but it hurts badly that she can pass my house without a second thought
I understand that it would hurt. You could try coaching or counseling together to learn how to deal with each other in a more positive way if your daughter is open to it. I wish you well.
This is BS. With a capital B and a capital S. Sounds great. My kids have done the most mean spirited things a human can imagine. My daughter invited me along with my son to her home for a “let’s move past our hurts” to only completely sabotage the whole thing and then blame me. She picked a fight with me before going to her house but I said I was still coming. She then said I couldn’t stay at her house. So then I would be then traveling 600 miles to her house, and then paying for lodging. She would have no skin in the game and if I backed out - I am the asshole. Well played on her behalf. She then could play the victim if I didn’t show and she could act in any way without any loss.
I can write a book on this and I have 7 adult children. I am currently getting ready to go home after staying with my my 35 year old daughter for 2 months to "help her" with her new twins. I don't understand the mental and emotional abuse towards me. Nor do I understand with this generation that anything you say that they don't like YOU are being disrespectful to THEM. Went through a similar situation earlier this year with my 31 year old daughter. But that daughter has profusely apologized for a few months but is mad at me again for breathing. I'm so confused. Just could never view or treat my mom in the manner that I have endured in recent years. Best of luck to you all and I hope you feel loved.
This is exactly what's happening to me as father of 30+ sons who don't even work and I support them financially. I decided to walk away to live my own life. I have nothing to apologize for.
I’m the “young” adult (30). Wishing my mother would watch this video.... however I’m going to follow these tips with her next time.. and with my own kids.
My family was loaded with this mess . They're all on the other side now. My sister was a strong button pusher. But that apology? We're talking powerful. I could sincerely apologize to her and the wall would evaporate. My mom was worn out from caring for my sick, demanding
@@maryerb6062 thank you for sharing☺️ maybe your family will eventually get closer and closer. I often apologise to my four year old when it calls for it, and always want her to know when Ive been wrong. Its a great opportunity for her to learn that adults can do things too that are not okay, and that we are responsible for making things right when we hurt or disrespected others.
I've have learned to apologize and know that it's not connected to my being wrong, it helps my son feel respected and heard (Listen to Understand), took awhile bc the disrespect rattles me so. We also try to step back when things get too heated so both gain calm and respect. Literally, step back, walk away even. Thanks for your videos, they've really helped me!
I believe that society and policies have devalued the respect that children should have some regard for by virtue of the fact that you brought them into the world. Maybe this is why they are angry now that I ponder this😂
@@kjonesnewyork1 I've been told a hundred times how much I'm hated for bringing him into this world...how selfish of me it was. Considering the state of the world now, I almost understand
I’ve tried “listening “ but she mostly just glares at me and gives me the silent treatment. Not much to work with…. Now that i know she likely just wants to see what my response is, and gets off on that, i give the least response i can. U can’t argue with narcs !
This does not apply to bi-polar adult children and those who want to hold you accountable for every little thing that is wrong in their life. This approach does not work with my daughter. Tried and failed..
I have apologised, try to give my child to communicate but she doesn’t want to. I always give her another chance to make the right choices but she takes me for granted because I love her very much. She uses abusive words for me and even doesn’t bother my presence at home. If she needs something from me then she says sorry for her behaviour and wants to her things and if for any reason I disagree on her terms she abuses me. She hurts me physically and says she hated my voice and presence around her. She bullies me always and make me feel very low and depressed. I Thinking of moving out of house as I feel emotionally tortured. 7
I disagree with you. My grown daughter is so abusive, demanding, disrespectful and I have learned thst I need to completely distance myself from her. She’s hateful and she has children my grandchildren whom I want to see. It’s heart breaking for my husband and I. We were taught respect and she has none for us. I cannot walk on eggshells my whole older life. She’s always in fight mode and insults us.
My daughter got mad and said why don't you go home, so I said okay goodbye. I got in my car and left. Let her think about it and it was not me that apologized, she apologized.
My adult daughter 35 years old is very disrespectful towards me. If I don't give her a yes answer she will just say iam done with you and hang up on me!
WHY WOULD I APOLOGIZE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! THEY ARE BEATING ABDEAD HORSE! WHAT DO THEY WANT BLOOD? Damn I’ve done everything you’re saying and they only get worse. They hurt me so bad and never say I’m sorry. They’re ADULTS NOW! SCAPEGOATING ME ISNT HELPING THEM OR ME.
@@patriciaspires5450 I mean, isn't that the same reason you brought them into your life? Because you needed them? If you did not need them, then why bring them into your life at all? Why did you have them?
I was supposed to take care of my grand child yesterday. When I went out to the garage, my car would not start. The battery was dead. I immediately called my DIL and apologized. My son called me up and berated me: I had ruined his day, his wife’s day, and interrupted my husband’s day, because he came home to see if he could fix it. I had to call AAA & it was towed to my son’s auto shop! Could I have predicted the dead battery? Should I have gone out earlier to make sure my car started, when it does every other day? Today, I called him. He would not accept my call, texted back that he is not available for the rest of the day. Why am I the bad guy?
Yeah, keeping apologizing so many times does not work. It works at first but after that they learn you'll apologize then they keep with their behavior. I think there comes a time when you have to stand your ground. They should be old enough how to exercise these as well. But being a door mat and walking on egg shells all the time around them doesn't help.
2,016 comments! I didn't read all of them but as many I read all heart broken mothers or fathers,and plus those who didn't comment but tums up ... Frustrating numbers ! I can conclude that our society is sick. Our families are under demonic attacks, that all what it is. I can say, every story here is my story too. heartache.
Yes my children would very much like me to continue to apologize daily until the day I die!! I never required that of my mother!! It's gotten so ridiculous they would like me to apologize for things I haven't done, never going to happen. People are control freaks these days, that has more to do with it.
Apologizing equals weakness... it makes sense when they are little. but when they are older they don't have the capacity to see that as compassion they see it as weakness. i would 100% rather sit them down and ask what is wrong and have a long conversation . This doctor makes me wonder how his children are. I want to know how their kids treat them. he looks like a basic white family that their kids talk back to because they have never been disciplined. As a parent, you need to maintain your position at home very clear. Of course there is some situations where you need to apologize, you need to be conscious of the mistakes you make too.
Ezequiel Martinez, My children are all grown and three are married and starting their own families. We have fun together and they do not talk back. Just had a family reunion and it was great.
I hear ya there. My Son ceased all communication with me and considers me a dispicable human being and I don't know why? Maybe because I moved to a different province to get away from his Dad's crap. I don't know. He is a grown man with a child of his own. I am learning very slowly that no matter what I do and try he isn't interested in me or any relationship. I send him texts but they fall on deaf ears. So I am out with hopes someday he will reach out to me. But I am not holding out for it anymore. I have other children who have not bailed on me and care very much for me so they are my priority now. 😢I have cried so many tears. It still hurts so badly. It if he doesn't care, why should I? It sucks something awful, I know that for sure.
It takes two to tango. I've tried everything you've suggested, for years. It didn't make me stronger. It made me weaker. I am now at a point in my life where I stand by the truth. I am loving, caring, and giving. My grandchildren love and respect me. My daughter does not. My door will always be open to her. She knows this. No more apologies.
For once I would like the advice to be directed at the adult children to fix their relationships with their families. Society today props up disrespectful, entitled adults that continue to shun or blame Dear ole Mom and Dad. These adult children should be respecting the family as a UNIT by doing their part, doing their due diligence to make lasting relationships, demonstrating that they know they are not young adults anymore. that their parents' new job to put forth all of the effort, but expect in a one sided relationship. adult children should understand that they should not expect their aging Parents to host every family event. (out of fear that there will not be one) they should want to try to keep the unit strong and loving. I think a lot of therapists are like divorce attorneys...(keep them fighting over the silverware for their own financial gain. I will ask you this: who wins? Adult children who devalue their parents are emotionally stunted adults who should reverse their life altering mistake of casting out their family.
Very abusive and hostile at times. Disrespecting me in front of my grandkids. She is going too therapy. I am stuck in fight or flight. Mostly flight. She corrects me allot. So annoying. I have apologized for anything she held against me. She has devastated me several times. I am starting to fear and hate her. Can’t correct her or share your feelings - she turns it all around and gas lights me. What can I do? I pause and walk away. I don’t say anything or she says I am guilting her. I feel insane. Just seems evil as she also always tells me she loves me. I don’t know how to talk to her. I came up to her place in Alaska and cleaned her house every year to catch up - 4 kids and working. I am extremely hurt. No two way street. I don’t blow up at her but it’s fueling something awful in me.
Is it possible that you could join her for a couple of sessions of therapy? Sometimes it is helpful for the therapist to see what the relationships are like.
Sir, this may work on some other children, but not mine... sadly there are too many adukt children MURDERING their parents. I will put them out get a restraining order and call the police in a heartbeat because I have tried the "high road", being silent, apologizing until it's sickening even when I did not do anything they've lied about , and prayed beyond measure. These children feel because they are grown they are my equal, and they have no respect. I've raised them already, I am not dying young before I can enjoy my life as an adult who will not continue to sacrifice myself for grown men. So now none of my sons talk to me and my life is quiet and peaceful because I am not living in fear of being the NEXT dead Mother on the news at the hands of her narcissistic and delusional and evil adult children. Enough is enough and I am a priority and I deserve peace, even if it means I have to cut you out of my life to protect my sanity...snip snip ✂️
I have done way beyond what he is talking about. When my ex-wife started will parental alienation both kids were still young and vulnerable to what she would say. I have decided that absence is the best way for me after all of the apologies and trying to buy their love. Let go let God handle this because I can't!
I am over it ! My oldest and youngest daughter has been very disrespectful. My oldest went as far as fighting me. God's grace, put controll over me. I am a firm believer of respect. I never ever hear , I apologize mom. Well I wash my hands and shake the dust from underneath my feet. She grown and need to look in the mirror and be mad at herself for her life choices. I owe her nothing. She is 34 year's old. God bless her. I will continue to pray for her and wish her the best. However, "thou shall respect thou mother and thou father". Life will bring her to her knees with a lot of heart aches if she doesn't find away to control her tongue. Blessings to all. 34 year's old and loss!
Baby boomer parents, decent, intelligent and hard working, wanted to be better parents for their children. What that got us is emotional abuse and being canceled from the grandchildren we already had a loving relationship with. I apologized for imaginary hardships they seem to have in their heads. I'll not be abused by the two people I gave everything to.
I have done all three of these. The child got worse. I should share that these adult children were brainwashed to hate me and think that normal parenting is abusive. They have believed falsehoods for many years. Doing these three things has only enabled them to continue believing the same false beliefs about me. Do you have any other suggestions with severely alienated children?
Love them no matter what and even if... (It may need to be afar for a while, use your best judgment and let them know when they want to work on the relationship with you, you are open.
Bad advice! You can't apologize to a person who is indulging in the gratification of a torturer. Apologies, pleading, tears, or screaming only excites them, encouraging greater and possibly even violence in the pursuit of gratification. The disrespectful adult child is NOT hurt or only rebellious. They are indulging in torture that is safe, because parents won't usually retaliate dangerously against their own offspring. They are a torturer's "helpless" victim. Torturer's don't attack victims they don't perceive as helpless.
These are really good practices if your dealing with an emotionally healthy adult child…These are good methods of conflict management as long as your not dealing with cluster b afflicted young adults. Young adults with personality disorders will destroy you if you employ these tactics. One cannot listen enough to understand a circular conversation or to process the endless gaslighting. If you pause for a few seconds they just insert an insult in the space. Asking for forgiveness just adds momentum to the shifting of blame and it feeds their need to be right and their need for you to be wrong. I would test the waters first.
It's a culture that Fosters victimhood mentality and apologizing to them just makes them feel more empowered as victims so they continue with the attacks because they don't want to look at themselves for the reasons they've made bad decisions in their life and they're dealing with the consequences. so much easier to blame the parents and have a punching bag to hit when life doesn't work out the way entitled ones expect it to. This has become a cultural phenomenon fostered by so-called experts having parents give over all the control to the kids
I went NC with my toxic daughter and her family over Christmas. We had a good run while it lasted. Her cog diss concerning her very narcissistic teen daughter cannot be overlooked any longer. They operate out of total deception and malice. I refuse to obliterate my peace for the disrespect and dysfunction any longer. After the mass disrespect toward my own mother by these cretins in her own home, at her own table, I had enough. This has went on for years with them. NO MORE. I no longer care about getting civility or respect from those who are incapable of giving it. Grieving the loss but cherishing the peace NC is bringing me. Peace over disrespect
Theory from training is not as powerful as practical, repeated experience. I would not recommend apologizing to an adult child if you are absolutely not at fault..l This can make the child think they are entitled to speak to you poorly. Instead , I would simply ask if there is something they want to express to me that they have found difficult to approach me about in the pass. Next, I would ask them to...
This may be ok, but my adult daughter, in any conversation we have, she gets upset and lashes out that she was rape in my sofa, this only could happen if she open the door after I fall a sleep, since I always stay up any time she had friends over. She also gets upset after people die and lashes out that they rape her, even if she had been in court and was never that the case. Extremely upset, because she try molest her disable younger sister. She was sent to therapy and medication, and she was doing so well.... she refuses to see a therapy or take medication she has put most of her family in therapy because of her actions. She is also an extremely bad mother because she tells her kids she wishes they haven't been born, and she doesn't even allow grandparents to talk with her kids on the kids' birthday by giving excuses that kids have to do homework and shores....
You are exactly the REASON we have such disrespectful negative adult children! Therapists only help them walk away from parents m instead of helping them to understand what family is. The world is full of people you may not like but you need to find a way to work with them not walk away with your arrogant stance. Parents have a right to respect as much as adult children do. I don’t really like therapists like you but I give respect because you are a human being.
Unfortunately my son just takes any form of apology as a way to manipulate. Gen z isn't interested in other peoples feelings, only their own. It is quite a challenge as the usual strategies don't work.
I told my 28 year old son, that if he continues to call me stupid, idiot, homer moron, I will drive to his house and put my foot through his mouth. Social media has made it all to easy for todays kids, (he’s not a kid) to be disrespectful and not get a punch in the mouth for it. I think a lesson needs to be taught here.
Wow! After reading the replies to your video, most people are needing a miracle. Imagine a world without electronics and you’d probably have more respectful children. I watched this for insight into handling a twelve yer old and I feel it will work so will apply it. Thank you for the tips.
I think he has in mind ignoring the misbehaviour and by apologizing he means expressing some compassion for simply not having the best connection to your child.
Take my shoe off and beat the disrespectful attitude right out of them. Just like my Italian mom did to me. Do not have time for b.s. have sauce to make a house to clean. Lol
