Being Dutch, I would just like to add that there are also people in the NL that are just plain rude. So the trick is learning to recognise when people are just being honest/direct with you or when there's an asswipe just being rude to you. 😅
@@Ikbeneengeit If someone rarely goes out of their way to help you, and just says: it is not possible, without context or follow up...I don't know what your routine is or where you are living. As a Dutchy I find people very friendly and they surprise me everyday. So let's say the "rarely happens" is very anecdotal. I don't see " dat kan niet " as rude in itself and try to piece together from context/subtext/body language if they are being rude. Also if you are bothered so much by it that the conversation is "killed" , while the other person doesn't see the harm or follows their cultural norm then in a way you also killed the conversation.
For a Dutch person, to not to be indirect means to be insincere and possibly even considered rude. Why waste each other's time or giving false hope? Just be direct and we know how to move forward. It isn't rude and you don't have to feel offended. You immediately know where everyone stands, and you can still convince others... and they may even tell you how!
As another Dutch person, I can't completely agree with your statement. The Dutch are quite often rude. We lack certain social skills because we're not the most empathic people.
100% some people are so good at turning around a point that you dont even know what they are saying anymore. I dont see the purpose of being indirect, it can be really confusing and as you say it seems a waste of energy and time (yes i'm Dutch xD)
I think a Dutch person would just say: no wednesday is not possible. He would not even thank you for asking. As a Dutch person, too much polite words make me uncomfortable. When someone is obviously making efforts to hide the true message in order to protect my feelings, I start to suspect that his true message is much more hurtful than it seems because apparently he thinks I can not bear the truth. There is nothing hurtful in my unavailability on wednesday so why be indirect about it?
Also if you really don’t want to do something you say it. So if someone invites you to go to a soccer game, and you hate soccer, you usually don’t say that you’re busy and maybe some other time, but you might say: no i don’t like soccer but how about we go bowling sometime. We think it is very practical to be clear and honest, and it prevents a lot of misunderstandings.
@@Peacefrogg jup a perfectly good response for the dutch would be "no i do not like the sport" (i even notice how dificult it is to translate that to english in writhng). and say somthing like: "we could plan somthing else for another time"
As someone who is half Japanese half Dutch, I honestly think directness as shown by the Dutch is the healthiest way to go about things. Overall, I think it's healthier for the mental and emotional in the long run.
Honestly as a Duchie, if I ask someone if they’re available on Wednesday to hang out and they say “oh.. I would love to go, but I already have plans Wednesday… I really appreciate the offer tho” I would feel like they don’t want to hang out with me, or even dislike me. I would personally respond with something like “oh I can’t on Wednesday. Maybe we could go in the weekend?” And then gets responded with either: “Oh sure. I’m available on the weekend! Then it’s a plan!” If they can, and “Oh I can’t on the weekend.. (maybe the reason why) How about the Wednesday after that?” If they can’t on the weekend. And then it usually goes on until we made a plan or we’re just like “We’ll hang out some other time then.” Maybe a reason I find that indirectness rude, is because if I actually don’t want to hang out with someone, I would find it too rude to straight up say I don’t want to, and come up with a excuse. So when you come up with an excuse instead of actually having and telling your reason for not being able to go (even if that reason is a headache or just being very tired) and suggesting something else, I feel like you just don’t want to hang out with me.
There's a difference between being direct as in communicating with clear intend vs having total disregard to someones feelings. This does not mean we are inconsiderate. Most Dutch people will know when to be honest and when to be polite and act interested. There's a time and place for everything.
Quite. I may add: Dutch people from several communities will express their irritation with you by making jokes meant to make you think. - Actually, I often intend my jokes to make people think, just not necessarily about their behavior.
Some people have their feelings hurt if they get criticised on something that is simply the truth. It's their problem, dutch people can't change the truth and won't say sorry for it. However we very often say things with some tact if the truth is very confronting...
@@CriticalThinker78 While that is true, there's also a huge difference between being direct and just plain rude. As a Dutchie myself one thing I noticed a lot of fellow dutchmen do, especially to foreigners, is say this essay is not good, are you stupid? The part where they say someone's work isn't good is being direct, calling someone stupid is just rude, same goes when expats try to speak Dutch, I hear a lot of people, specially in stores, say "your Dutch is not good, (then proceed to insult them)"... Another example of someone using the Dutch directness as an excuse to be rude is that clip of Sven Kramer, calling the interviewer stupid is completely uncalled for and not an example of directness...
When I first went to the US, a supermarket cashier greeted me with "How are you?" I thought hey, what a nice woman, so I tried to have a conversation with her and asked her all sorts of questions. How she was doing, how long she's been working here if she lives nearby. She looked questioningly at me then? In the other store I was greeted in the same way, only then did I find out that it was a more polite greeting without content.😂 In the Netherlands, 'How are you' is usually said by friends or colleagues. And often they also want more information from me, either that I have not seen them for a long time or that I have been ill. If a Dutch cashier asks me how I am doing, I will say politely that I am fine, but I will think why is she asking me this, she does not know me, or am I doing something wrong, does she want to warn me for something?
Billi Connolly observed on stage (after having lived some years in California): What would you rather have: somebody saying "How are you? Have a great day!" and not meaning it, ot somebody saying "Get lost!" and mean it? - [I'm not sure about the words "get lost", but simething in that vein.]
@@chrislaarman7532eing Dutch I prefer neither. How about just a simply hi or good morning if that's all you really want to say? Why make a simple exchange between a cashier and a customer so convoluted? To be honest I don't like it when people ask me questions they don't want the answers to. Just don't waste my time with these shenanigans.
Funny thing, that "how are you" in stores and shops... One of my first times visiting the US, I was with a bunch of shipmates in a shopping mall, and I entered a record shop. I was greeted with what I back then did NOT know to be standard "Hi there, how are you?" and I answered with what I thought was appropriate "I am fine, how are you?" which in turn was answered with a blank look as if it was unexpected. I was the only customer in the shop, and my shipmates apparently were still looking somewhere else, so I quickly peeked out the door to see where they went. When I turned around and went back into the record shop (making the door signal go "ding" again), The girl behind the counter AGAIN greeted me with a cheery "Hi there, how are you?". The exact tone, cdence, rhythm and intonation. Like a tape recording. It felt to me as if she had not even registered I was there 10 seconds earlier, as if she had not even registered that she said the same thing 10 seconds earlier, as if she did not even register that I was the same person that was there 10 seconds earlier, as if she did not even register that I was that strange guy that actually responded to her greeting in an unusual way (judging by the blank look I received the first time)... It truly felt like I was talking to a robot that only registered that the door-bell rang, or a person disconnected from reality... I found it so offputting that I looked around for 2 minutes for good form, and left the shop as quickly as I could.
@@mmkgny Norms can change. Just because something exists doesn't make it nice or effective. Same with American car depcendcy. If you don't know any better its OK but it actually is a financial and physical prison for many people. Old walkable neighborhoods are in high demand in North America and thus only for the wealthy. The poor are kept poor in the vast suburbs which are effectively huge deserts when it comes to shops, schools and other facilities. Parents driving their kids everywhere just to go places. In ever bigger cars which are basically the size of tanks that actually kill more people than they keep safe. All of which are the accepted ways of doing things but they're not necessarily good for people. This is not meant as critique per se. Just an illustration or how norms can derail until enough people get fed up with them and they change. It's not a bad thing to sometimes think about why things are the way they are.
@@rigididiot 1) I do feel with you. :-) 2) I know the shop staff's automation, too. I have occasionally participated in collecting food for a food bank, outside supermarkets (in Amsterdam, so Dutch scale). One develops a routine of ever shorter questions. It was unavoidable to have people enter the shop a second time, like for rejoining their partner. But looking at a stream if people makes most faces familiar, so I did repeat my question. - I ultimately found a good excuse to use (with a smile): "I'm sorry. I don't store cookies."
As a Dutch person working for an American company, I really had to get used to hearing 'Great question!', EVERY TIME a question was asked. When everything is 'awesome', 'great' or 'the best it's ever been!', those words lose meaning and I never know when you truly appreciate my feedback, or this or that is really going well. By now I realize 'Great question!' just means 'I am glad you are interested enough in what I said to ask a question and I want to encourage you to ask more questions in the future'.
I agree. I strive to only use words like ‘fantastic’ when I truly think that something is fantastic so that my words actually carry weight in the eyes of people that know that I function this way.
I had a workshop in Turkey last month, from a company coming from USA. The dude kept saying “awesome question” whenever we asked anything. It was a bit annoying to me. Lived 10 years in Nederland and i must say that i never felt directness being rude. It is jusg as it is, direct, straight to the point
I'd even say that CEOs and professors in the Netherlands have even more respect for employees/students that argue with them in a direct and (for Dutch standards) respectful way, as they prove to be creative and critical thinkers.
Thanks Maarten-yeah I've learned that "arguing" back constructively can actually be a good thing. Well, it's actually what makes "high performing teams" (Patrick Lencioni's "5 Dysfunctions of a Team")
Maybe at universities professors do like that.....until the student proves he is much better thinking and arguing than that professor . Only a few professors do really appreciate that.... At lower level education (basic school (grammary) up to highschool) only a very few teachers will accept those arguing kids....especially when they are telling the reacher is wrong. (I remember one teacher, mathematics, who told us when someone pointed at a mistake/wrong answer that he was testing if we were awake in the classroom....he also was one of my most appreciated teachers because the humor in accepting those things.) But also in the Netherlands you are not allowed to tell other people how very good you really are (in work/learning/sport ) Even difficult when you're a supertalent. That is much easier in the USA and more apreciated.
Yup, I always told my boss if what they wanted was a bad idea and why it was a bad idea. It was almost always appreciated as it saved time and/or money. Very few times that I was told to do it anyway.
Strictly depends on where you are. I was in two faculties at the time while studying. First faculty you ask if it's okay to discuss something later and you get "Appointment? Just walk in when it suits you, I'll tell you if I've got time", then I walk into the Faculty of Law to ask something and I'm stared at like "You're a student. TF are you doing here, in my office, without a prior appointment?"
I have worked in a US-based multinational and in every meeting you would hear Americans going: "I appreciate what you're saying, but... " followed by several minutes of yadayadayada. From the second word, everyone would know that the guy meant: nope. All the Dutch guys in the meeting would just say yes or no, and where needed defend their answer with arguments. I could never get used to the endless yadayada.
dutch meetings be like: sir honestly if we did this we would work faster. instead of beating around the subject and land on said point after 10 minutes. we see problem. we point at it. we fix it.
In favor of Dutch directness: in our culture, truth and honesty are very important. Giving someone the impression that you think they cant handle the truth is no compliment. You would underestimate their strength. Therefor, indirect messages are perceived as (somewhat) insulting.
Once upon a time I visited a church in The Netherlands, on a Sunday I just sat in the crowd and everyone did their Sunday prayers until it was over, and then all of the sudden a Dutch woman asked me: ''Can I ask you something?'', then I answered saying: Yes. And then she asked me: ''Are you a Christian?'', while others were hearing this as well. Like what the hell? I felt so uncomfortable after she asked me this silly question, I felt as if I was being discriminated and humiliated at the same time! That was just not cool as all, I told this to others as well and they just told me that she was not even allowed to ask me something like that.
@@zekiuygun8028 i mean... as dutch. she is just asking you out of curiousity. and wanted to have a chat maybe? but instead you turn her down. and talk shit behind her back. now thats rude....
I studied translation and have dutch directness (mom is dutch, father is french). My teachers would always say this influenced my translations and I had to "elaborate" more. I told them that "elaboration" was the cause of mistranslation and we headbutted a lot until graduation😅
I had never thought about translation. It certainly would be interesting. And obviously it's not your responsibility to add the extra "softness" which doesn't even exist in the first place.
@@raceregos The French like to make their writing "fancy", so they add unneccessary words in order to ressemble Latin languages (despite being from germanic descend, which is found in their oral language). Germanic languages have a tendancy to be a bit more blunt (except German, which adopted Latin grammar and put it's own spin to it😑). It's a matter of how much the sub-language (Latin) has influenced the main language.
@@User-oc1kl Nah, Dutch directness = "we don't take kindly to bullshit, so get to the point or else". Otherwise pretty cultured and down to Earth. The Dutch Royal family are the most involved royals in Europe.
@@KiruNarch according to the great linguist Noah Green, French is the most latin of the germanic languages. The Franc are of Germanic descent, and french was only been standardized during/after WWI, because of the many germanic influenced dialects
There is a dutch saying "doe maar normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg" which translates "if you act normal, you're acting crazy enough". This basically means that you don't need to beat around the bush, just act normal/direct.
As a Dutchy I think the Dutch ice skater was not direct, he was rude. There was no reason to call that woman ‘stupid’, direct would have been: ‘no I wont do that.’
Well you might have a point that it was a bit strong but i could have frased it excactly the same without the intend of being rude. The idiot part is more an indication of why would you even ask the answer is no so don't do it again. I do agree that its not the most polite form of saying things and you are better of not to do it to compleet strangers like he did.
he wasnt rude.. she was by wasting his time... why do you want to take an interview when you dont even know the guy?? So she is just using the guy for her benefit thats rude
@@kanehuijbers9528 And then that is typically Dutch… considering calling someone an idiot ‘direct’, instead of rude. There were tons of things he could have done that were just as direct but less unfriendly.
And actually: then he should have said thát to her, being direct is saying what you mean, so : ‘i think you’re wasting my time, i wont do that.’ Instead of beating around the bush and saying something else. Being direct doesnt necessarily mean you have to insult anyone.
From a slightly different perspective. I am a Dutchie and I am also on the autism spectrum. I like clear and direct communication, because if it isn't I have to work really hard to find the intent of what someone is saying (that part has to do with my autism). Having traveled a bit in countries that have a much more indirect cultures was a lot of fun, but conversations could be exhausting, because I would always have to try and figure out intent from context. This made blunder a few times too. I am pretty lucky that I was born in culture that prefers direct communication, because that is what my autistic brain prefers also.
i'm Dutch and have autisme aswel. And i prefer direct communication aswel . Its hard to filter true all the information to figure out what someone actualy trying to say.
Same! It's a shame though that not everyone here is direct, there are still a lot of people I know that talk around the point and it always confuses me so much
I have autism as well and being from Limburg i can tell you that people are a bit less direct here. Now having been born and raised here and having a light form of autism i do pick up on those nuances but it can be annoying. Then when i do go up North i'm not as used to the directness so i just get confused again. This stuff can be real tough.
I have the same problem!!!! Being Dutch and even too direct for the Dutch is cause I don't comprehend vague language, my brain is so fast and it get's stuck when it is vague communication , also traveled a lot and currently living abroad is a nightmare in this sense cause I have no clue which road of the interpretation to take, so i give up and have not much friends, due to this, but it is a struggle to be autistic and Dutch in the world 😂 , luckily I don't care, cause those that do like me are there to stay and put effort in and explain how I can learn from them, it's not rudeness it is simply different, but I am proud of the authenticity of it, most people in the world don't dare to be authentic cause society has programmed them to beat around the bush and have these masks on of politeness that only confuses more and the real information gets lost in translation . I'm with you!! ❤🙏🏻
Had a Dutch colleague in uni and imo he was way more friendly and punctual than other students from say, Japan or Brazil. If you asked him to study at the library, it was fast yes or no, boom done. No shyness or quietness, we wouldn't stop for food or coffee, he was direct and efficient. He was also very outdoorsy, a blast to go biking with.
@@paulnijsten8390 lol, Japanese and Korean boyos abroad are corrupted in 2 weeks, 1 month tops. A group of mad lads from Tokyo got drunk and tried to slaughter chickens in their dorm washroom once, fucking spectacular disaster
I'm Belgian and my country is like the opposite of direct but i visit the Netherlands a lot and i love that directness, you don't have to guess what Dutch people think about you or other things.
I'm a big fan of our directness. The people that I get along with best are the most direct Dutch people, as within the Dutch population there still is some variation of how direct they are. And me being insecure in some aspects of life, I prefer the very blunt but honest truth. Leaving absolutely no room to misinterpret the message. And I'm often the same.
@@NarrativeOfLifeM That probably was the problem. As there is a difference between blunt but honest feedback and just insulting someone. It's a thin line between those two and when you get to know eachother better that line shifts.
i'm always extremely direct and alot of people appreciate it. They also ask my opinion aalot of times. If people get mad don't ask questions if you can't handle an honest answer / opinion : )
I was lucky enough to find a group of friends who were totally different than me. Me being awkward and insecure as heck, a loner (also multiple diagnosed mental issues). They just accepted me, and were very direct with me. Which ultimately helped me overcome a lot of issues. They make comments about my personality, but we all do about each other. It's just the respect and acceptance, which is so appreciated.
On the part of arguing with professors: it's a huge part of getting to the level of your professor, being able to bring up opinions and being able to hold discussions over topics that most of the time there isn't a solid answer for is one of the biggest skills a scientist can have and therefore is heavily stimulated by both professors as well as universities as a whole here. Its a big difference with other countries but something that really elevates Dutch higher education above other countries
Directness was also born from fighting bigger powers. The English army had class hierarchy in their armies, which slowed things down, or could lead to major blunders. When you have a tiny army fighting such a nation, making fast quick decisions, having people act on what they see, not on the status of their commander can make a huge difference. We see this too in Israel, which feels surrounded by enemies (regardless of your political opinion on the matter) and needs versatile people being able to act fast. In 1672 the Netherlands was attacked by all neighbors, all who were bigger. The same with water defense: act quick, and have everyone on board, because not agreeing with political opponents should not sabotage the shared interest of keeping heads above water.
Nice alternate history scenario, except we had class differences to a huge degree same as the UK had. My grandfather had a framed newspaper article about him: "Factory owner congratulates worker with birthday". That was news. The fact that one of 'the betters' had acknowledged the existance of a commoner. Well 'was forced to accept' was more like it. As a master-welder they couldn't go without him, their company relied on being able to perform seamless welds, and ask any welder today: Even with much improved modern equipment, that is still considered to be a feat of extreme skill, along with welding titanium.
@@fredpuntdroad8701 We had class differences yes, and stupid leaders too. But the English are way more famous for stupid leaders making awful decisions common soldiers suffered the consequences from. Class differences work when things seem in order. When a system is under pressure you either drop big chunks of them, or f up.
I didn't realize I was so dutch until I had to run a forum community. When a mod did something wrong, (and everyone was gossiping about it) I would just tell them, but also try to work together to help them approve. (give tips, try to hear them out etc.) But alot of the time I got told, your directness shocked me. But in the end, alot of people did appreciate it. Because I didnt sugarcoat anything, but told it as it is, there was no confusing. And after that first shock went down they soon realized the reason I mentioned it to them was because I wanted to help them improve. Still, I am shocked by how people can beat around the bush so much. Just tell it as it is.
Being a Dutch woman, I hate it when people try to talk around things. I love being honest and can't handle lies and bullshit very well. It makes me a true person but I also lose people because I'm either being too honest and/or they are lying about or talking around the answer that i actually want to get. But this way I know who will be right for me. others have described me as "tough" and "direct" or even "one of a kind" since a lot of women actually do talk around things or stab your back, even in the netherlands. I wish people could be more straight forward so we can all move on, instead of being hurt all the time. Directness is not bad at all.
Dutch directness to me is all about saving time. I don't have time to waste. We are extremely busy people, often in a rush to get one appointment after the other. If the answer is no, then please just say no because there are at least 3 other things I could be doing in that timeframe. Not much is ever spontaneous in our culture, not even get-togethers or going out for dinner. Everything is planned weeks ahead and I like it that way. Time is precious.
Dutch directnes is also seen as polite in the Netherlands for example...(in dutch family's) a lot of the times we just say that we have to go to the toilet for number 2 and ask if there is somebody else who has to go because it might smell bad after me. If there is something that i wear that is not fitting me and the people around me say nothing about it... after looking in the mirror again and i see that it is actually not fitting me, i feel bad that nobody was direct and said it to me. If i notice that somebody does not like me i just say that i think he/she do not like me and that's oke for me but it is not my problem (this is how i met my best friend's XD) If a dutch person notice that somebody is talking around a subject we just say... come to the point you make it so hard for yourself if there is a problem we are going to fix it. And even in my own family, i mest up really bad sometime and my father was verry direct and said that he was really really dissapointed in me but also said directly after that ...even i am dissapointed, i am proud that you are my son. I actually think this is not common in a lot of cultures. So directnes is also polite for dutch people.
Dutch directness, best example is Max Verstappen. He is an example of Dutch communication. He tells the people in the red bull team what is going good and wrong in the car. In the short time they get, he really makes a good set -up for the season and for the next race. It helps the team it helps him. You also hear it in interviews. It is not to be rude, it is a culture thing.
So true and that’s why he also has a lot of (social media) hatred thrown at him, because people misunderstand directness to be rude. He say’s it a lot of times in interviews, it is what it is. And that line can’t be more Dutch.
About being conscious about directness: I just had a really Dutch style conversation with a top fortune 500 company based in the US. We had a major issue. Me and a collegae really spoke our mind. I am almost certain the other side was aware of Dutch directness but I could see a range of emotions. So after our negative feedback backed up by examples and evidence we took about 15 minutes (1/4 of the entire meeting) to make shure the busines relationship was still ok/ ok again.
Aaaah, the old. 'this is the work floor so we separate our work from our personal feelings, but we don't mean anything personal. So afterwards we bring back our personal and fun self to reconnect with each other on a personal level.' trick
Thanks Koen. Yeah I can totally relate to this. I do trainings on giving/receiving feedback and well...yeah giving (negative) feedback is just not easy in general...especially cross-culturally
Not everyone is the same. That includes for Dutch directness. I know people like labels, it’s just not how it works. Most Dutch people I know actually prefer to be more subtle in their communication.
Het verschilt ook per regio. De Randstad (Amsterdam/ Utrecht/ Rotterdam) is volgens mij veel directer dan bijvoorbeeld de provincie Groningen of Overijssel.
@@henriettebrouwer8193 Don't think so. In the east they use very few words, sometimes just shrugs or little sounds to express strong feelings. If you're not from around there, you easily miss that type of communication; you just think them boring or stubborn or uneducated. (While the guy from the east thinks: I just shrugged/lifted a brow/cocked my nose/..., didn't you listen? Amsterdammers are so dumb... They think they're better or sumpin.) I think that the directness is a consequence of wanting everything to be very efficient. Beating about the bush is not being polite; it eats up time and that is not preferable. It may even convey a message like 'I'm taking your time by talking a lot, so I'm more important'.
I am Dutch We are not that direct. In relationships it is not easy. But we point out the things wrong, to make inprovements. And we like to take a word for what is said, not saying one thing and doing something else. If I say I come tomorrow, I will come. That is THE Dutchway.
Unfortunately many dutch seem to not understand nuances between tactful directness and being rude. I appreciate directness and transparency, but directness has been used too often as an apology for being poorly behaved.
There are rude people in the Netherlands -- because there are rude people in all cultures. The directness gets conflated with rudeness when there's a culture clash. Or maybe culture skirmish, is better way to put it? Culture kerfuffle? Good video! Can't wait to visit the Netherlands. Love the cycling culture!
O we do have real rude ones here. Just because we are direct doesn't mean we alwys have to voice our opinion. Even here we do have some standards of whats apropiate.
@@arturobianco848 agree, that's maybe one of the cons for me that some people use directness as an excuse to be rude instead but to Dutch people they would also just be seen as rude
It's usual considered rude for Dutch people if aren't direct. Like sugar coating everything or beating around the bush all the time is considered rude, this is done sometimes, it depends on the type of conversation
Aw interesting to hear that it's RUDE if someone is indirect! Well effective communication is always knowing who your audience is...and being able to read the other person...but yeah I've learned to try to be more direct with someone who has more of a direct style. And for those with more indirect, I also try to adapt as well
I've come down on pile as bricks against those who beat around the bush, so that's definately true. Like it's an important meeting, a couple million euros depends on it. We have a study that says X. We're bothered by a sabotaging third party with a nonsensical study that says "X is false, Y is true". I need an answer whether the decision will be go forward with X, or bow to the sabotaging party, consider Y may be valid (and I have to start filing lawsuits, and everybody goes crazy, and everybody has a lot of problems). Then they start beating around the bush with nonsense like "All perspectives are important" or "We must make a carefully informed decision". Yes you must, so tell me X or Y right now. We've both read the file, we both know X is true and you're just scared of making decisions, now tell me. And from there on just interupt anything that's not X or Y. Waiting 10-26 weeks for people scared of decisions to just stare at the ceiling is not a luxury we can afford in my business.
Exactly! As a Dutchie I really do not appreciate and trust people who beat around the bush. Just be honest and straight. If not I always suspect a hidden agenda.
I'm Dutch, and I think this directness is mostly seen in the big cities of the Netherlands. I come from a small village in the Netherlands where people tend to be way less direct compared to the big city areas. When I go to cities like Amsterdam, Rotterdam, or Nijmegen, I notice that people there are way more direct, and even I can perceive them as rude. So i really think it depends on where you live in the Netherlands.
Thats weird, i've always considered it to be the other way around. After all, we tent to call farmers 'botte boeren'. The randstad is a lot more gentle in comunication, than say for examle the achterhoek. It also depends on profesion, people working in construction and agriculture are increadibly to the point.
I’m Dutch with an American dad and a Dutch mother. I grew up bilingual and have dual citizenship. Whenever I visit my family in the states I notice how much of a culture shock it is for me whenever I visit a store or a restaurant. Usually in Europe, when you go shopping you’ll be greeted , asked once if you need anything maybe and then they usually leave you alone. In the states it seems like a whole ritual. They greet u , ask you how you’re doing, if you’re looking for anything special. Compliment you on your outfits ( even when you’re wearing the most basic shit ever 😂) and telling you about special offers “you have to try our new yadayada”. Even if you say “ oh i’m just looking around they check in on you every 10 minutes . It honestly made me realize how much of an introvert I am bc I hate social contact and I got so overwhelmed and over stimulated by just one afternoon of shopping 😂. And most of those people were really sweet and I actually like talking to Americans. It’s just funny to me how much more reserved we are as Dutch people when it comes to customer service.
Hah thanks Britney, I can relate with everything you just said. I see these differences now when I go back…and I am also an introvert and get annoyed when it’s too much (ironic because I used to work in customer service so I may have annoyed a lot of people!). But yeah customer service is another thing…if we say Dutch directness is efficient and saves time, American customer service is more efficient and saves more time from that point of view
"In the states it seems like a whole ritual. They greet u , ask you how you’re doing, if you’re looking for anything special. Compliment you on your outfits ( even when you’re wearing the most basic shit ever 😂) and telling you about special offers" 🤔This probably is because of the American tipping culture. If the custumer isn't treated like royalty he'll loose a big tip. 😤As a Dutchie I find this highly insulting, cauz I'm not gonna grovel for a lil' bit of xtra 💵.
Funny that you should say this because most of my friends (we're all dutchies) often complain about not liking having employees talking to us when we're just minding our business shopping. Especially regarding clothes. I feel quite similar actually. Everyone I know does, now that I think about it. For me it's kind of a: I am a grown adult with a brain. I know you work here and are available to me should I need help. If I do need help, I will gladly ask you for it. If I don't need help, I would prefer you to not talk to me and make me feel like I'm being watched. It makes me feel like I'm not quick enough, or that I look lost. I prefer to feel like nobody is paying attention to me.
It is always interesting to hear peoples perspectives on this, but honestly I usually don't even think about it. I do have had some instances where people would even misinterpret me on the internet. They were trying to find some hidden meaning behind my words. so I usually just say "No if I wanted to say something else I would have just said it. I mean what I say and I say what I mean".
I'd say language is a very big factor here. Few foreign people learn to speak dutch, and there also lies a nuance in how to adequatley observe and state what exactly is this directness in culture, language and how people interact in daily life. We do have our way of interacting in pleasant way. To me being direct is being sincere, and that is the biggest honour I can give the people I get to meet. It's me offering them no reason to distrust me because they get to perceive me and decide for themselves if I'm someone they can relate to or not. I'd like to mirror this video by stating I don't feel I can trust someone who's keeping up appearance or/and etiquette and manners; I don't know who I'm talking to when receiving desireable replies. Fun fact: Even within the Netherlands there is a difference in how direct people are communicating and stating directly what they mean and think. In the North there's directness; few words to state exactly what you think, in the south much less so, like beating around the bush to entice people in your way of seeing the issue. Grts from Amsterdam
As a Dutch person. I'm incredibly used to the directness. So much so that when this video started I just thought; "what the fuck is this guy talking about". But you are completely correct. Most of us are extremely direct. I do think there is another positive outcome of this fact worth mentioning. By being used to direct communication we take criticism less personal and are more likely to see it as a point of improvement instead of a personal offense. Additionally, being open about who you are as a person, makes for a great way to get people to open up to you. I think one of the loveliest compliments I've ever received was from someone I met in the US. A girl descrived me as being the most 'genuine' person she had ever met. It honestly just made me smile thinking back at that moment. I will carry that complement with me for the rest of my life. However, in general, I did come to realize that, in the US for example, when you are meeting random people the tend to be overly sweet. To the point where I often felt like I had stumbled into an overly and forcefully happy game show. People would, upon finding out we're foreigners, often say things like "wouw really , the Netherlands?! That's amazing". While in the reverse situation I would likely say "Dawm! You are a long way from home. What made you want to visit the Netherlands?"
I really like the coconut peach comparison. I am going to use that haha. As a dutchie my experience is also that us dutchies get very uncomfortable when it comes to compliments and showing graditude. Maybe it feels like showint to much vulnerability
Dutchie here! I also would like to note that Amsterdam (which is very often used as synonym to the Netherlands and where I feel most foreign people seem to move to) is the place where people are the most direct. (and other major cities) Other areas of the Netherlands actually have another pace at which they live, where directness is actually less prominent. Amsterdam's bluntless/directness is actually a concept on it's own, where even other Dutchies sometimes can't handle it at all. If someone is really direct: "(S)He's probably from Amsterdam" or shortened to "Amsterdammer" Other Pro's to directness: I know where I stand with people AND I can adjust to that (or choose not to). It saves me from being stabbed in the back! I can't read people's thoughts, so they'd have to tell me if they would like something from me. Simple example: A collegue of mine placed his half-empty cup on a table right behind a door. (he did that more often) On occassion, if another collegue walked in and opened the door too wide, the cup fell to the ground spilling the coffee. Instead of mentioning this to the owner of the cup. The other collegue cleaned it up and went on with her life. BUT she kept a grudge! Everytime he placed that cup on the table she'd be angry. "Cant he see that that's a problem?", she'd say behind his back. I asked: "Did you tell him?" She hadn't and was planning on trying to make him see the problem without telling. Direct me asked the first collegue not to place the cup there because it could fall over when the doors opens. His reaction: "Oh, didn't think of that." He never placed the cup there again, crisis averted, by just being a bit more direct. So yeah, being direct can sometimes even save (work)relationships. Also, I think the "Are you stupid?"of Sven Kramer was actually unneccesarily rude. I get why he didn't want to say it, and it's fine that he didnt want to, but calling someone stupid is still rude.
Thanks for sharing the long reply Nisa, appreciate you! I've lived in Maastricht and can tell the difference. And great example of directness! Communication is usually the biggest challenge at work (and in life)-and often, having that conversation can be the solution to the biggest challenges we all have (of course that's not always easy too).
@@res6148 Or Rotterdam The Hague? they'll tell you no all the time and to do "normaal". I'd even argue that Amsterdam, with all the tourists and internationals living there is less direct then the other cities. But overall, going away from the cities to the east and south it becomes less direct and "warmer". If that's the point she was trying to making I'd agree
Been living in the netherlands almost my entire life and never realized that how we communicate is direct but it does make sense thinking back on conversations, we are direct people indeed.
One other factor, compared to British English is that Dutch society is much more egalitarian than British society, especially historically where gentry played a much larger role in the UK than in the Netherlands. British English had developed various registers depending on which level in society one was. A series as Downton Abbey shows that very well. So in the UKit was much more required to adapt you language to whoever one was speaking with. Not so much in the Netherlands.
this is even the case in the Dutch armed forces. there is often consultation with the group in order to arrive at the best action. the commander ultimately has the last word, of course. but we are aware that together we know more than just the commander. therefore, especially with the engineers, it is often the case that important decisions about the assignment to be carried out are taken together and adjusted if necessary.
There is a reason the western military is not fully directed from the top any more. But instead the individual groups direct themselves. Its cus it works better and faster. Russia on the other had still works whit a top down pyramid system works really well for em
This is one thing that I love about my country and is one of the reasons I could never leave. The no bullshit mentality is such a great way of living. Nobody is wearing masks. You hear wat you need to hear.
@Kasul the Casual When visiting a place with a culture that has taking your shoes off when entering someone’s home, sure. But in the case of our own country, why would we do that?
0:55 As a Dutch guy I can say that 'Are you stupid?' as a reaction is not direct, but rude. Just saying 'no, thank you' or if that doesn't work 'no' is direct.
Hmm, I think I can see why some people from other countries might consider Netherlands a rude country. I live in the Netherlands but I was born in Poland, learning was actually way easier thanks to the Dutch directness, they were not beating around the bush and actually helped me to open my eyes. Even though I might not be as direct as most Dutch people, I am not the same as I was before arriving to the Netherlands. Which I think is a great thing, anyways.. Great video!
Ik woon in Rotterdam. Ja. Directnes hier!!!!Op begin kon ik daar echt niet tegen. Maar na 17 jaar, het heeft mij erg veranderd en echt sterk gemaakt. Love it
I'm Dutch/Surinamese and I like it when people get straight to the point. There is less room for miscommunication and misunderstandings. One will know where they stand whilst skipping useless or fake formalitie (Not all formalities are useless of course, it depends on the situation). You don't waste a persons time and I find that to be assertive and respectful. It's flexible as well because you can still disagree or ask questions. A direct answer does not mean the end of a conversation, you can still discuss and share your point of view. I used to think Americans were incredibly two-faced. But that was before I knew about the cultural difference. The overly niceness, followed by a (to me) cold shoulder was very confusing haha.
I mostly see Dutch directness as a pro. Dutch tend to be very efficient and get things done. The big con is, that the Dutch are well aware of this and abuse it by selling rudeness as directness. It’s a very thin line and I think that it would be quite difficult for a foreigner to navigate through that. As someone that has been brought up mostly Dutch, I can’t help but feel that my Surinamese side kicks in which contains a friendlier and more social approach. What I think as a solid convenience is, that I believe that I can recognize when a Dutch person is being rude and apply both cultural influences in certain conversations.
As a Dutch i definitely agree with this. There is a difference between being direct and not caring about other peoples feelings. You can care about other peoples feelings by staying empathetic and still be direct. Like, 'i acknowledge your feelings about this way, but we are going to do it this way anyway because of this and that reason. Maybe we can come up with a solution of compromis?'. Still direct, but also room for feelings. If you're direct about them 😜. While being rude is just 'we are doing it my way and i dont care how you feel about it'. Big difference
Don't be or get misdirected by our directness! We may (at times) sound harsh or rude whilst speaking our minds but in reality we observe and care deeply.
We’re kind of a jack of all trades. I try to be polite while still being clear in my message. Others are flat out rude and others don’t mean to be rude, but sound like it. In terms of education there’s also some stuff going on. We learn to be clear in our answers to questions. (I had another thing that we learned but I forgot what I was going to type.) If someone asked me to fill in for them I’d say something like: ‘Sorry, but I can’t. I’ve already got something planned.’
I'm a Canadian living in The Netherlands and the directness still affects me lol. Canada is quite indirect and I'm considered direct for a Canadian but that doesn't change how much more direct Dutchies are compared to Canadians. I have to remind myself of cultural differences and to try change my habits to be more direct with them as that's more respectful of their time. Been a struggle though!!! Had a couple moments talking to my Dutch partner about it and feeing frustrated.
I get ya. I'm quite indirect and had (still have) to get used to the directness. I've found myself to be more direct since living here...but yeah, I do try to adapt based on who I am talking to. Communication is challenging in general haha...but it's a two-way street. And the struggle is real. But...the struggle could also signal a potential opportunity for growth/learning too =)
David, you’re awesome. Love how you took the best parts of directness to integrate into yourself. I hope my fellow countrymen and women coming into contact with you can learn to be more considerate and polite as well. It’s exchanges like this that balance our world ❤
This is very relatable. I, as a dutch person has had several problems with these differences in directness, for example, in my mother side of my family. These are the most direct people i have ever met, and i had problems trying to communicate with that side of the family because my fathers family was way more emotionally engaged and empathethic. When i got older however, i started to understand their love language a lot more and i have never felt more at home in my family than i do now. So if you do plan on coming to the Netherlands, just remember that we can be very friendly but blunt at the same time :).
As another dutch person, we also dont like dishonesty, if you get an invitation and have other plans, you just say you cant make it. When someone is making up an excuse, it perceived as disrespectful and dishonest towards the person who invited you. As in "you dont even respect the person enough to be honest to the person"
Great video! As a Dutch person it's refreshing to find out how other cultures feel about ours. You've very respectfully described our 'direct' culture and thoroughly answered all the questions that came up during the video.
You also notice it in the Dutch army. Though the military has a very clear hierarchy, the communication is still very direct and transparent. Also from lower ranked people. A bad leader will notice it very fast when making mistakes, even though they get the final say.
As a Dutch person, and having an autism for life, I often warn people that things I might say that are offending just to give them heads up in this case when I talk to them. I had to learn that I have this autism at my 50th year, so I have been coping with that fact of 'rudeness' or 'blunt' for all those years and not really understand where I went wrong. Now coming to the point of your video, I find it enlighten that you study our culture and made this video, true that we are direct, but we do have our own quirks that people might pick up differently. But still, YOU HAVE A BROOD on your wall hanging, not many can say that! Thanks for the video man!
Loved the video and really fun to watch as a Dutch person. One thing to keep an eye out for is the term of "Golden age" within Dutch history. Our country is currently trying to change the name to the "Eeuw van de burgelijke cultuur" (Age of the civic culture) due to the fact that it was essentially pillared by the VOC (Dutch East India Company) and thereby slavery. People have been less inclined to call it a "golden age" when looking back on it due to the connotation of linking slavery to prosperity. I personally don't care what we call it, but it might become something for which you get negative feedback for in the future!
I think being direct and honest is one of the best traits a person can have. I want to you to tell me what you really think and not what you think I'd like to hear. Being direct makes everything so much easier and I appreciate honesty rather than trying to be nice. I am German and we also have this directness I think.
Well done with this, David. I love the peach vs. coconut analogy! Keep it up with these videos - they’re getting better and better! EDIT: Comment is me practicing being more direct 😅
As a half Japanese born in the Netherlands, raised by peach culture indoors and coconut culture outdoors, I have had lots of culture shocks even though I have always been there :"D I still cannot let go of my peach side, though I guess my pit has grown a lot smaller and I'm turning more into a coconut from the inside. I pretty much dislike the shell of a coconut but I dislike the pit in the peach even more. Though as much as I don't like the directness of my culture - I just don't think it's very pleasant to hear - I prefer people to be more honest. I absolutely love Japan but I wouldn't ever want to live there as many interactions and relationships are built on lies. It is like a play with unwritten rules but if you break those rules you will automatically come across as very rude. Even when you think you are friends with someone, there is a huge chance they won't be honest to you about many things. If you fail to read between the lines, it will affect your relationship and you might not even know it until years later when it is already too late and frustrations built up over the years (frustrations that you failed to guess/see) have come to a boiling point.
Words just weigh more in Holland. If you get a compliment form a direct communicator, you are sure it's from the heart and not for some shady reason or because of a hidden agenda. A second layer to dutch communication is that you can state emotional values as a reason why someone wants or does'nt want to do something. I sense that in indirect cultures (I live in Belgium, they are much more indirect) emotional values aren't really shared by direct communication but are avoided by reading between the lines. I still have trouble sensing the (to me) unclear communication about what somebody wants. And yes, people are raised in true democracy fashion at home. My kids have a say on what direction we go forward at home. Dutch culture also strongly uses everybodies opinion/expertise before going forward. Meetings often include a question round where everybody is asked if they want to add something to the meeeting that is relevant.
Coconut culture is such a cute way to put it! :D Also, as a Dutch person, I can kind of vibe with the less direct approach of some other cultures. I like it when things are clear, but it doesn't need to be rude. So throwing a bit of peach-culture (learned from international friends) into the mix can sometimes help make things sound a little kinder, while still being clear. :) It's a nice middle way!
I agree, Dutch people often think they have to give their opinion if it is not asked for, or make an insult and then say: ‘hey i am just being direct!’ But being direct can absolutely be done in a friendly way.
Thanks for sharing Anna! Yeah I have a mix of international friends with very direct to very indirect styles. Makes things challenging, interesting, amd fun =))
@@Spiritwonder420 this response says so much more about your culture and not in a good way. You aren't perfect. If you are unable to point out the flaws of your culture, you might think about how narcissistic your people are.
As for a Dutch person i do understand how it can be rude because my mom is from Ghana and can take the simple answers as rude while if i do the same for my dad or dutch friends they don't really care how i say it so yeah big difference of my African and Dutch part of the family (and i always speak English to friends which effected my accent to the point that my teacher thought i was american)
Wow David, I'm Dutch I lived in the UK and am married to a Brasilian and our son studies in Detroit Michigan. Your little VID just saved me months of family therapy 🙂
What a culturally diverse family! Haha...it sounds like the beginning of a joke...but I'm sure the cultural diversity brings fun (and challenges) too. Last this vid was helpful!
I've encountered direct, average, and indirect Dutchies personally. The scale is definitely slanted a lot more towards direct compared to the US, but I don't find it rude (other than the rude ones). It's nice to get straight to the point sometimes. One anecdote from work - two Dutchies were leading a meeting and one in particular did all of the talking for about 45 minutes straight. Then they asked the other one to weigh in and the second just torched the first one! Saying how they were wasting everyone's time because they hadn't prepared for the meeting, and how the meeting was wasted. That's after 45 minutes of not speaking up too. That was the only "culture shock" sort of moment I've had so far.
Under the Dutch people I am considered direct. So you have Dutch people being direct and you have my adhd ass being direct-direct. I would never burn someone after 45 minutes talking. Or interupt someone within the first 15 minutes (because we mostly know after 5 minutes, but you have to give someone a chance) and if I let someone keep talking for 45 minutes straight, give pointers. Something might have happend that we do not know. So I would consider this extremly rude.
@@ashleyftcash 🤣 i have adhd but i have the 'innatentive' type so I can mask it well until I cant😄 Funny thing is; I'm super sensitive and can't always 'read' people. I'm quite thin-skinned. So to me as a Dutchie; i often get confused with the directness. But...inattentive or not; I blurt out things when I'm not masking and then people give me a look like:"omg.WHY did you say that". Terrible. I lived in the UK for a while and I must say that their way of conversing left a lasting impression on me. Even in London, you dont have to ask for 'consideration', people in general are considerate by default. People step aside beforw you have to ask. In the Netherlands people will stare you down until you ask. Kinda like:' well if you do not ask for it; i wont do it. Even if i already know you need me to step aside." " Standing in the middle of an escalator; ask me to move, first" In the UK: stand on the left, move on the right: a cardinal rule followed by princes and paupers. Maybe its because I live in a bigger city but as much as I love my fellow dutchies: my ass is too sensitive to not perceive it as rude at times. Plus; the dutch have a bit of a wind up culture. Its a bit of a sport to needle someone until it gets to them and then its,"ey...niet boos worden hè? Was een geintje/ik ben gewoon direct". But it takes all sorts, I guess.
@@roddo1955 I love that you reacted on my comment. I know a bit how you feel. My sister is the inattentive type as well and she is an introvert. We could not be more opposite of each other. Our characters are also very opposite. She is also very sensitive and (if you ask us as a family) 'thin-skinned'. Sometimes I feel like everything I do is a trap with her. But that is where you got sisters for. She got to learn to express herself better around types like me (or just in general) or at least has me as a test subject and I learned how to recignize faster when my directness hurt someone feelings (unintentionally). What we do share is same point of views, even though our selfexpression is way off. I think we both would agree on the things you mentioned. Having an order in the lift is super handy, the stare competition is a pure waste of time... Like why do people do this so often (me included, I participate when someone dares to stare me out on the side walk to not make room for me) and ugh the jokes, I call them out on these jokes, I don't think it is funny and I am tired. Live that you felt so free in London. Been there once and I was impressed how sensire they asked their questions. I fely like they were interested in what I had to say instead of only politeness.
Second video I see, and I am starting to love you 😆. Thank you (I am very direct myself, I don't like to plough through vague sentences from the other side). Clear communication helps doing things better in work and at home etc. The directness is also a way to quickly come to the point where you can help or empathize with somebody... "I haven't seen you around, are you okay, were you ill? Is there someone that helps you with your groceries, or can I help?"
Job Cohen once called some statement "needlessly distressing" (Dutch: "nodeloos grievend"). He, then mayor of Amsterdam, was answering an interview question on a remark, but I've forgotten whose. Theo van Gogh's? - Anyway, I have since tried to make my own directness not needlessly distressing.
8:23 this is so true😂, in my classes there are students who flat out don't leave the classroom when asked/ordered to do so and they talk back all the sh!t the teacher does😂😂
Seen so many of these as a Dutchy, but you did a very nice job :) especially also because you point out how speaking freely is better then being bottled up.
8:20 a good example is that on the podcast I heard that an American to a teacher that said that Star Wars takes place in the future replied "It takes place in a long time ago". Which is apt. It's a fact. Yet, after another small correction he had to leave class. That would never happen here. We would actually all be happy when a student corrects the teacher, including the latter.
There way of communicating with you shows exactly what that specific person think about you. That way can be different communication with different people, depending how they see you.
For a Dutch person, text communication is very difficult. Our directness is usually offset by our body language. In text that is missing. Creating Confucians even between Dutch people them self’s.
As a Dutch i hate it when people are not clear and direct with their feelings or intentions. Just say what you feel or mean and stop waisting my time or effort or energy 😂. But even alot of dutch people are not direct and clear. I now know how to read between the lines when they have an excuse for something. And its also pointless to keep pushing when they give an excuse because you're only making them uncomfortable. Sometimes people want to get out of a situation without rejecting the other. So they just give an excuse. Then i would think like. "You're just giving a stupid excuse, I'll take that as a 'no' then"
Great explanation. I already knew about our directness, but sometimes it's hard to hang out with US people since they indeed consider our directness as rude. In my experience US people will also almost instantly call you 'friend', 'buddy' or tell people 'I love you' when they hardly know you. They seem to be the opposite of our dutch directness.
Nice video! As I am a ‘Dutch-born’ from Surinam parents (moved here back in 1975 due to Surinam independency) and Indian Ancestors, you brought some very interesting insights: as my origin is Asian and I am raised in the Netherlands I am thought to be ‘polite’ at home and grown up in an environment where everyone is direct…which means that I am as well direct and polite. Seems ideal, however in my experience most of the time I don’t understand the politeness of foreign people (‘negative reactions’ for instance), and at the other hand I experience direct feedback sometimes as very harsh…so your video really provided me some insights where it comes from! Thanks.
Thanks for sharing your experience as a Dutch Surinamese! Yeah I can relate to being brought up in "two cultures"-it can be challenging but very unique =)
The directness is a godsend, its perfect and clears up all ambiguity, makes life easier and people more pleasant to work with. Praying I get a chance to live and work in NL.
I’d just like to add, as a Dutch person, that stating directly that im not available on wednesday does not imply unwillingness, it could mean that as an easy way not to meet, but generally pertains to the assumption we would have to schedule a different day. ✌️
I'm dutch and many people from different countries mistaken me for being rude or in a hurry all the time. But like myself dutch people see me as a friendly person.
Like you said, being direct makes your life a lot easier as well. When you're being direct, the words are just out there, they're not stuck in your head anymore.
Yes we're straight to the point.... because the truth is always better than hypocritical bullshit. The truth you can build on.... Long live the Dutch...🤨🥴🫵
Directness is a good thing in normal human contact, but diplomatic contact is the opposite. That’s probably why Dutch diplomacy is often less successful than from other countries.
@@peterspaans440 I thought we saw ourselves as the smallest of the big ones, and now you say we’re the biggest of the small ones. Is that a demotion? 😏
@@peterspaans440 being good in trade and science doesn't mean being good at diplomacy... you need a bit of diplomacy sometimes, but you don't need heaps of it to be successful in trade. You can also just sell something that the other party really wants
I'm a Dutchman myself and I actually started wondering "am I that direct as well?". I know that I'm fairly nice to the people around me and respectful to the people I don't know, but just seeing how direct I sometimes can be online and in rl... I'm quite impressed to be honest.
Direct is good, saves time and complicated answers. The Dutch search for honesty is refreshing. With some other cultures they will never say no, so you never know where you stand, except that the answer will be no, sometime. Just wastes time. I love the Dutch approach.
Very well put-together video. Good overview of various things. My task as a Dutch-raised person is now to understand how in the world I'm going to be able to get over Japanese politeness.
As a Dutch person: I personally think: what is rude? Talk the way around it or talk with a straight line? we may sound rude but we always speak the truth :D well most of us. nice topic by the way! i love it :D
As a Dutch person myself, we do say a lot of times what we think and how we feel about certain things. However, I feel like if we don't get straight to the point you're only wasting time. Most people in The Netherlands appreciate honesty and being direct about things, as it's easier to trust someone like that. But also, because that's how most of us grew up with. We took it from our parents and yes I do agree when you're a child and your parents are just straight forward with things you're insecure about, it does hit a spot. But as long as it happens with good intentions, there is nothing to feel upset about. Of course there is a difference with being straight forward or just being rude. But I'm really sure you can see the difference and I also feel like most people appreciate direct and honest people more, than someone who doesn't get straight to the point ''in case they hurt your feelings''. Or when they're not being direct, but just rude. Because for most of us, a direct person is seen as a honest person. They're not afraid to share their opinion, which seems pretty trust worthy in my eyes and I believe in many too.
I was born in the Netherlands and moved out with my grandparents to Costa Rica and eventually back into the Netherlands to live with my mother in 2010. Gotta say I’m still not over my culture shock. Also I’d like to add that at least in my experience (I have autism so there is space for bias, of course) people in the Netherlands are a lot louder as what goes for a normal tone of voice, and I often find it overwhelming… 😅 (my family is American and I’ve spent about half a year there as well, and for both Costa Rica and America I’d say people are a lot less loud there then they are here)
That's interesting! The stereotype of Americans here is that they tend to be quite loud (though I'll admit the Dutch definitely aren't a soft spoken people...) I suppose it can differ a lot depending on which region from either country you're talking about, for instance, my dad from Limburg always complains about how loud Dutch people from the north can be.
