Why Do Multilingual Children Reject a Language? (Sometimes) 

Don't give up! You can do it.

Hello Alma , thanks for your message. It seems to me that few people raise there their kids bilingual because of a political problem or social barriers. That could be the reason. I don't know the history behind it, but probably you do. Nevertheless, I think you should follow your instinct and pass on your heritage language to your children (the same for your husband) using the OPOL and build the next languages a bit later on top of them. Sure, you will have to strengthen your child's mindset so that he/she sees the benefits and the good sides of being bilingual and also to protect him/her from inappropriate comments that he/she might hear from the surroundings. Look for playgroups and other communities where you can immerse your child, at least for some hours a week, in the minority language. Make sure that you find ways to expose your child to a positive environment to make sure that he or she has positive experiences which he or she will relate to the languages and cultures he/she is learning.

It's never late to adjust your approach.

Yes, I understand. I can just say: Be proud of your roots, that´s the best gift you can give your children along the way.

Doken, I am horrified at what you said about your home country, which is not true at all! May be in your head you're not a very confident person and pinning it on your country of origin is your way to cope with it. As a father raising your offspring, it is important that you consult a professional psychologist and take consultation sessions with them, open up about your insecurities and fears with them. Turkey is a beautiful country and tops tourist destinations. It's cuisine is celebrated worldwide. If you aren't confident about your own roots and constantly letting others downplay your origin, you are bound to raise a not so confident offspring. Please reflect.

@@sarasanic I am glad you have such a positive view of everything including turkey but you should be careful before dismissing experiences of others as completely being in their head. I have been questioned about everything from armenian genocide, erdogan, kurdish/greek genocides " much more than about the cuisine and tourist destinations. (in school, on the way to the gym, even when trying to collect donations for the earthquake relief some said "your people got what they deserve" ) I don't know where you live where people have such positive views of turkey, like you do, but I'd love to learn so I can consider moving my family there. More likely though, I am afraid, you are unaware of the perspective of someone from another culture. Turkey is muslim, it had conflicts with the west in its history, still does today and its image is not very peaceful because of that. Most people think twice before traveling there. People treat you differently and you have to always try to prove your worth in your work etc. Please read (or re-read) just the first 10 pages of 'the little prince' by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry and tell me how I can read this book to my child. Or ask any friiends, especially those from Europe, what the standing of turks/turkey is. Let me know if you still feel it is all in my head due to low confidence. Having said that, I am open to therapy and have tried it more than once but it has not been helpful. Some therapists, themselves turkish, admitted that yes this is how what it feels to be turkish unfortunately and I Just have to 'be good at my job so I can overcome the stereotype'. Also note the cheapeast therapist charges $100 per session where I live which is a lot of money that I cannot afford over the long term.

Does your mom speak with you also another language?

Hi Mac, thank you for your comment. I have some questions before I say anything: - How was your experience when you learned Irish? How is Irish looked at in your family and amongst your friends? I wouldn't pay anybody to pretend, although I can totally understand why you would do such thing. Kids are very sensitive and they have this amazing capacity of feeling when something smells fishy... Try to be honest with your child and explain to him/her again and again why Irish is important to you and how some people might react and why. In the first 3-4 years your child is still too small to understand that. Focus in those years on talking and singing a lot. If you, your family and friends speak Irish proudly and you immerse your child in that environment, you have nothing to worry about. Your child will imitate the people he/she has a close relationship to. Hope that helps a bit. Watch my other videos to get more inspiration and join my mailing list if you also want useful tools and games for free here: www.multilingual.family/sign-up Talk to you soon! Andrea

@@MultilingualFamily I am sure you are right. I am just worried because the situation is so different. Instead of the situation where the immediate family and friends all speak only in Irish, in which case some stranger in a restaurant really doesn't matter, it would be a situation where only I would speak Irish while we are in the US and the other parent and the society are all speaking English. In this case I am worried it will be much more precarious that someone's harsh words could really make a negative impact...

@@Mac_an_Mheiriceanaigh I understand your worries and yes, sometimes people can say things that affect our children, but don't forget that you, as a dad, have a much greater influence. Andrea

I'm the kid that rejected a language and I'm really struggeling with it. I'm german and french, my mom being german and my dad being french. They split up when I was 9 years old. My education is in english and in german. I started learning english when I was 6 years old and my english has become way better than my french. I panic everytime I have to speak french. I don't know how to fix it and my dad is really dissapointed in me. I don't feel french at all but I want to be fluent in french and feel at home in France, but I don't. I'm now trying to find out what went wrong and why I rejected french years ago

@@abc8561 Thank you for your honest comment. Where did you grow up? I imagine that you didn't get enough exposure to French and that's why you might have chosen to speak the other languages instead. Where Ou laughed at when speaking Fench at some point? That's another reason why children reject a language sometimes. Anyway, just know that its not your fault. It's never too late to continue learning a language! Just keep going and you'll get better.

@@MultilingualFamily I was frequently exposed to french but my oldrr brother did always point out my mistakes to make fun of me when we were little kids. That definitly made me feel less confident in my ability to speak french. Thank you very much for your kind words, I will definitly try to improve my fench as it is important to me :)

Just stick to your language and try to use the time that you have with your kids wisely, meaning: talk a lot, describe, ask questions, interact with them. If your wife spends more time with the kids, that language will be in the beginning better developed but that can change. If you therefore plan some vacations in your country and immerse your kids for some weeks in your culture/language, they can catch up fast.

It doesn't have to be that way. Just try your best. It's better than not trying at all.

As long as you are consistent, everything is fine.

Make sure you are setting the example by proudly speaking Spanish in any situation. I hear some parents saying they switch to the majority language and stop speaking Spanish when in public. Kids are extremely perceptive and will not miss this detail. Any kind of shame or intimidation you transmit when speaking your language in public is unavoidably transmitted to your child.

Yes they know you are lying, they are not stupid. That strategy doesn´t work very well in my experience. You can choose any language to speak to your partner. What matters most is what language you use with your kids.

Encourage your partner to learn the language along with your child.

Sure, that is a great idea! Do it! 🙂

What would you lose if you exposed her to it? There's only benefits

Sure, she just didn't want to use it with the parents...

They probably need more exposure.

@@MultilingualFamily thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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