My frustration is that whenever I want to say something in a conversation, I wait for the other person to pause long enough to see if they're finished speaking, but when I go to speak, they either start up again or someone else starts talking!
I think a lot of the time people are just plane rude and they don't respect you - I hate it when people interrupt you such bad manners. Thanks for the video
Yes they seem to be narcissists. And, unfortunately, it seems that in today's age every individual thinks they are the best of the best, the most attractive, the strongest, the smartest, and all this is the result of a b******* self-esteem movement that started about 20 years ago, lol. For an example: I practice MMA and boxing and when it comes up in conversation the other person is always telling me how awesome they are and how they know everything about boxing and MMA. And never ever ask me for advice even if I'm the only one who has trained it for years and years. So, of course, it's hard to get a word in inchwise when everybody else thinks that they are experts on everything, lol
@@abdja9257 As RAF said, support Braincraft on Patreon where she links the videos slightly early on private then turns public later. I just happened to be checking my emails when she posted which is why it's especially early.
I was taught to never interrupt and always wait for someone to finish before speaking. Combine that with me being slow to think and formulate thoughts and sentences, plus slow reaction time socially, and being able to speak when I'm in a group setting is almost impossible. If I really want to say something, I get frustrated because I don't want to interrupt or accidentally cut someone off. I wait for them to completely finish, but by the time my brain realizes that they are done, someone else has already begun speaking. Most of the time I just don't care and keep all my thoughts to myself, because let's be honest, half the time I make a fool out of myself anyway. :) for some reason I'm significantly better at expressing my thoughts through writing than speaking. I can write coherently, but when I speak I often sound like a fool.
sometimes you have to interrupt people who don't give you a chance to respond and just continue talking over you when you try to get in the conversation you're supposed to be a part of. idk if it's just me, it might be... lol
yes, sometimes you have to interrupt people. But I wouldn't say it is anyone fault in these cases. The one who gets interrupted couldn't know beforehand that the other person had something to say about this. The one who does the interrupting can't know for how long the other person would continue talking.
raffiking1 im talking about cases where there is a lack of self awareness and there is a one sided conversation going on. Im sure you've experienced this? Where you have said absolutely nothing for the entirety of a 30 min Phone call or face to face Convo and the person just goes on and on with no end in sight. I try to listen as much as possible because people do need to vent sometimes but conversations are supposed to be in the form two way communication and I just find it really off-putting. Maybe I evoke this type of convo, I seem to deal with it in most cases
A friend of mine used to interrupt me, and everyone, a lot, and a lot of the time she wasn't even be aware of it. My "fix" was to first mention it to her when she did it., and after that, depending on the situation, I'd either completely shut up and stare at her until she realised she'd interrupted me, or else I'd start constantly interrupting her in return, literally every 2 seconds, with random gibberish, so she could never even finish a sentence. Even when she was aware of it, I could sometimes see her body trying to interrupt me even though her brain was aware of it, and she would trying to stop herself. It was like her head and shoulders would move forward, but then her brain would stop her from talking. It was actually kind of funny.
There are no words to describe how much I can relate to being interrupted. Literally for my whole life I got interrupted by my family. And it came to a point, where me mentioning it, doesn’t get taken seriously. It is so frustrating because the moment I decide to not speak anymore, I get labelled as „dramatic“ or „aggressive“. Or they simply just tell me to keep on talking. I am 20 years old today and I still have difficulties to have a proper conversation with them. Even if it is just smalltalk. They always talk over me or interrupt me. I feel like they don’t even recognise my presence. But after all those years I realised that they simply won’t listen to me or what I have to say. So I rarely talk to them and rather talk to people who are willing to have a conversation with me. I only talk when it is necessary. I do feel sad about it sometimes especially seeing how my friends can have proper convos w/ their family. But it is what it is.
When they interrupt you again you just immediately respond with, “oh sorry, I interrupted you in the middle of my sentence. Please go on.” It’s a funny way of calling them out without them getting upset and it’ll(sometimes) make them self conscious about it. Sometimes I just go “oh, ok” right when they cut me off and walk away.
I faced this when I was younger. One trick is to reframe it by saying "I wasn't finished. But I'll let you speak." This will make you look like you got some authority by giving them the "permission" to talk. Moreover, it signals them that they interrupted you.
Some people do not actually want to have a conversation, but, rather, want to lecture you, and leave no space for interaction. If you're not leaving that space, then you're speaking at someone, not with them. Also, if that space is not given, then the other person will either simply not make the valuable, relevant point they had, as the pertinent point in the conversation has passed, or they have to drag the conversation backwards, which is potentially frustrating for both parties, and even more so if the speaker has made an error in developing their argument or point, and was not challenged at the time.
I tend to interrupt people when: 1) they blabber too long about a point that is already clear 2) when they make too many "false" arguments, without giving time for rebuttal
@sandra farquhar I was JUST on the phone with a guy that doing that. We had an disagreement last night through text messages. So I decided to pick up the phone to talk it out. The guy kept on yelling and would even let me get a word in. I’m like “dude bye”. I don’t waste energy on people like that
Interrupting just makes me angry. you're talking to someone about something, and they'll just start talking randomlyin the middle of your sentence. I try to stay conscious of my interrupting, and if I absolutely have to, I commit the last sentence they said to memory and repeat it when the interruption is over (because people seem to have a problem remembering their train of thought). but honestly, sometimes it just doesn't feel fair. I have to put a bunch of thought into conversations, I have to remember for them where they were, and I have to have an extreme focus on their faces and emotions alike, all while also talking, while they just start talking in the middle of my sentence, and not courteous, but I'd be saying "honestly, I think it's a problem with the hum-" and then they start giving their opinion to the topic, or someone else butts in and talks about something totally different. the worst thing though is talking to someone, and having another person come in and start talking to them over you. bonus bad feels if both ignore you afterward.
Same and it's always people who are close to you who try to insult and hurt you. Best way to deal with rude behavior is to control your reaction and do not let them see it gets to you
@@adamsandlermovie9355 i really am mad so i found a solution. When somone tries to interrupt you talk LOUDER so they will shut up or look like a fool, works for me
Seriously this is exactly how I feel,and it honestly makes me want to stay quiet and not talk at all and ik that’s depressing but that’s my only solution to the problem,other wise I just have to create distance between the person
As someone who works in a call center I have to say that the art of conversation is even worst when you are on the phone. The rate that people makes assumptions when on the phone is insane. I once had one guy who was so sure he know what I was going to ask that all I could say was "and what is" before he would blurt out an answer. Took him 4 times before he finally let me finish and realised he hasn't answered a single question yet. I think even worst is when I ask them a question and they will start to answer and stop half way through and go "are you there?" like they were expecting me to interrupt them at some point. Also if you ever want to know why call centre employee's can sound so cranky at times, it's usually because they asked someone a really simple yes or no question and instead got a long winded story. As much as we hate it, our employers usually rank us on time T.T It sucks and makes us cranky when some people don't know how to stop talking.
As an introvert, I don't speak that much. But when I do speak, I get interrupted constantly. This causes me to be socially drained and not wanting to be in the conversation anymore. Worst is when the person talking to you doesn't even stop to take a breath, drowning you in small talk and making you feel like suffocating.
I am an introvert and get interrupted too, I think the difference is we think before we speak instead of speaking right away then thinking about what you say.
I tried to practice „active listening“. Part of it is to never interrupt the other person. So I consciously give more than a second of pause to the other person to make super sure they finished their thought. I really don‘t think that anyone considers that as „awkward“.
My parents do the same. I hate that. Their ego is too big to let me to speak. Sometimes I get angry and sad because they are not interested in listening to me a lot. That has pushed to stay alone almost all of the time. Because of that I started learning languages and when they say me something I just reply in those foreign languages and I have improved a lot because of that. Sunday, April 10, 2022.
I've had times that I they repeatedly interrupted and they clearly want and expect a response that they can interrupt again. Many times I just fall silent and blank stare until the say. "What?" or "Well?" That is MY power move to say something like. You don't seem to need me in this conversation. I've also been known to just walk away. Silence can be just as powerful as interruption and talking louder.
My eldest brother, does everything you mentioned. Only to me, because I'm the youngest girl in the family. My mother thinks I'm rude if I finish my sentence...While he's interupping me.😒
@@misbahailia3345 omg i know right, when someone interrupts you and then gets mad at you because they interrupted you, thats the worst. but im super petty so if someone interrupts me ill just pull out a sticky note or something and write what i was going to say or ill just leave
By the way, this is highly cultural thing. In Finland there isn't such thing as awkward silence and unlike in many other cultures, interrupting is highly impolite, so people really listen to the end before answering. I believe Finns are not the only ones who does that. It's a bit like punctuality where in France it's rude to arrive at the party on time and half an hour late is a norm, but in northern Europe punctuality is must.
It's true that there isn't an awkward silence in Finland, but I don't think interrupting is always viewed to be impolite. I think it's considered impolite to interrupt in public settings but among family and friends it appears to be quite commonplace. I find that I practically never speak in public, let alone interrupt, but among friends and family it's a whole other story. Also, I find that whenever I do interrupt, it's usually because I've thought of what I consider to be an important point and think I might forget it lest I say it out loud. Then again, I'm not very punctual either. It's always "akateeminen vartti" for me (that is "an academic quarter of an hour", reference to how lectures always start quarter past, e.g. 12:15, even though people might talk about them starting at whatever-o'clock sharp, e.g. "at 12").
I have issues with social cues so I either interrupt people or way too long and people think I'm angry. I mean way more than the 1/5 a second or way less. I've gotten way better and I've found that explaining to people that people are more understanding.
What seriously pisses me off is when they will interrupt your story because ... the exact same thing you are talking about, happens to them. Like your story just melts away because theirs is better. Your story is insignificant.
Pauses make part of the music, they are not the absence of music. And so conversations have pauses too where people reflect about what you say instead of shooting a meaningless come back. I don't understand why pauses were called awkward.
I don't like it when someone interrupts me, so I keep my sentences short. They don't have to interrupt me and I can respond to their replies. This makes for a short and clean conversation. I avoid interrupting individuals, unless they're saying things that don't pertain to the ongoing conversation, but only in serious conversations, not social ones. The long, chain conversation is only reserved for a certain group of people though.
Some people -like me- tend to forget a lot, and when an idea or a certain thought comes to mind we rush to share it with someone in order to keep it, so it might make us interrupt people by mistake
Really neat video! In some ways, I think we would all benefit from patience when conversing. I know that I personally have trouble sometimes with getting my thoughts into words, and while I know it can be frustrating for people I’m talking with when it takes me forever to get my words out, it is also very frustrating to have people jump to an end that isn’t my point. I know that I do the same thing to other people, but I still wish that we could try to be a little more patient with one another. Of course, I’m also not entirely neurotypical, so being interrupted is often kind-of a reminder of that for me. Idk...I personally find that writing is easier than talking 🙃
I run into a lot of men who interrupt women and if you stand up for yourself and ask them not to interrupt you, they get so offended! They act like you just declared nuclear war on them! It's almost as if they have gone through their whole lives and no woman has ever dared to interrupt them, because they act like they have NO CLUE that they are interrupting you. Repeatedly. They literally don't allow you to finish one sentence but YOU are the problem for calling THEM out!
Yes, it's so maddening! Them: *talks nonstop for 30 minutes* "Oh, how was your weekend?" Me: "It was great! We went to..." Them: "Yes, mine was great too, blah blah blah..." Me: "Excuse me, I wasn't finished." Them: "But I'm telling a story here!" I give up 🙄
My parents do this all the time. My dad will just boom his voice over everybody. And my mum will just - almost seemingly on purpse - blurt out something that completely mis-understands or means the complete opposite. It's kind of like the final act of Predator. I just think, hell, I might as well just do a Carl Weathers speech on instrumentalism and then get my arms blown off.
This is much needed content as I’ve gone near crazy over this a few times now. Eventually I just came to the conclusion some people just aren’t as aware as you are at the moment. Some people are just kinda stuck listening to themselves thinking all the time.
I hate it when I realize hours later someone I barely know interrupted me to finish my sentence(s). It's always way off what I was thinking. My nod & smile reflex is *way* over-developed.
Seems like people interrupt because they are more interested in their response than what you're saying. This seems to happen less when the speaker is very attractive....so Vanessa should be pretty safe.
@@redhammer92 Yeah, They are perceived as more intelligent and get higher salaries, job and marriage prospects. In many cases that perception engenders confidence and becomes reality. Life is just like that...
I don't know. A very pretty dummy can be ignored and interrupted very easily. You can be gorgeous, but if you sound like an idiot, I'm not going to pay attention for very long unless I'm in the mood to just objectify you. And that doesn't happen often.
Related: my sister is hearing impaired, so she has to read lips. When I'm trying to tell her something she doesn't want to hear, she'll purposely look away in the middle of my sentence. It's like interruption, but even worse because I can't just talk louder to talk over her. It's the most frustrating thing to be stopped from finishing a thought :|
first rule of conversing: it takes at least two people; put pauses between your ideas and let the other person get their *whole* response in (don't hijack their turn to talk).
I often have to say, let me finish please. So many people interrupt me mid sentence, getting only the first half of what I’m saying but not the conclusion, which is always the point.
This way of communicating seems somewhat ineffective in the modern world. You're ignoring the last bit of what they're saying to reply immediately, which is good for socializing but seems rather poor for actually sharing information. You're essentially only guessing at what someone's saying and applying it to your own flawed misconceptions instead of actually listening. To illustrate my point: this was a neat 4:45 video. But imagine if someone interrupted you before you finished each sentence. Then you had to reply to their reply and try to tie that into the point you were actually trying to make to get back on track. Now we're easily talking a 40-minute conversation...
I totally agree with everything you said in the video. I just had to add, I love your style..your cool dinosaur shirt/sweater combo was very creative and original..Nice!👌😊
I'm 16 and sometimes when I'm out for a walk with my mom we'll be in the middle of a conversation and one of our neighbors will just completely interrupt us it's so rude they someone having a conversation and completely interrupt so I dont like most of my neighbors because of that
When i talk to anyone i always get cut off then the person i was talking to ignores me and talks to the person next to me,everytime that happens i ditch them and they dont notice...
I think this is also dependent on cultural factors? In one of my undergrad linguistics classes we talked about the spectrum of overlapping speech and pauses. My professor even cited an experience where she was interacting with a man from an Native American culture and the man get getting frustrated with her. She didn't realize until later, that in this language/culture people want to take time to think about how to respond, even though in our American/Western minds, it feels awkward and unpleasant. I've even heard we're (English speakers) one the most overlapping cultures. Additionally, my grandpa who is from Arkansas sometimes takes like 2 minutes to answer a question, even after the rest of my family has already moved on to a different topic in the conversation. This is partly due to old age, but my mom told me he always talked this way.
My favorite are people who over-share and ramble. It's an abusive trait. Course, they will try to defend their stream-of-consciousness-word-vomit and get pissy. Now it's abusive of others' attention *and* toxic behavior. Really, it's not just childish; It's wrong.
I consistently interrupted my boyfriend on accident, because I grew up in a household where trying to finish someone's sentence when they left a long pause was a sign that you were listening and understood them. He got really upset with me about it at one point, so I stopped. Now instead of interrupting, I just leave the space dead until he forgets to finish his own sentence. Which is slightly less frustrating than getting snapped at, and a little more satisfying when I get to tease him about his low bandwidth buffering.
I have honestly the other problem.. i do interrupt people all the time. Interesting to know what might be the reason. It's bizarre that I'm aware of it but still it happens in casual conversation
I never thought I needed this video until I watched it. Thank you so much for this, the video will help me a lot! I always felt like I got interrupted all the time in a conversation, and I never understood why! Was it because of something to do with my Autism or maybe how I am trying to hold a conversation or what? I guess I shouldn't stress too much about it, Also never knew there were singing mice before, just when I thought I saw everything. You got a new sub from me!
Ive been cursed with this my whole life. Everyone. No matter the situation or the conversation. Ive never met anyone who delt with it as bad as i do. Ive tried so many different things. Its heloed ruin my social life.
People interrupt because they don't care enough to develop active listening skills because it's more important to them that they express themselves than waiting their turn.
Very interesting :) I have to say though, sometimes if a person is interrupted often by different people it is likely because they do not give opportunity to respond and instead just go on and on with no pause. It is the opposite of interrupting, it's rude for most of the same reasons, and it is maddening.
That's not always the case, though. Just about everyone I speak to interrupts me often, usually before I even complete a sentence. They don't seem to do it to other people, and I figure it must be me, since I'm the common denominator. Maybe I just don't have an interesting way of speaking?
In some culture interrupt others and being interrupted very often is normal. It is called co-construction. In those culture the pause is even shorter than 1/5 of a second.
If I get interrupted I stay quiet and they always just forget I’m here so I just run off, also I always get interrupted every time I’m in a group call so I just hang up then I get spammed.
I also want to know if there is anything that influences how likely one is to be interrupted. I have noticed that I get interrupted a lot in certain situations when the rest of the people are talking politely. Since noticing this, I have focused on trying to hold my ground when people try to jump in excitedly as soon as I begin to speak. Or honestly just say, "excuse me," and say my piece, if it's something important. I matter. They can talk when I'm done.
I am a serial interrupter. I often want to progress through the formalities and get to the meat or the queries or topics. Or I need to stop someone before they go too far into other options so that I can take a moment to reflect on that first suggestion. And then go back to that part of the convo later so I can go onto details of the second suggestion. In an era of windows, texting, where we control a rate of information and often do more textual digestion (and feedback) of information it is very easy to highlight points of interest and focus on those. Freeze video. Zoom in. Enhance.
I hate bandwidth lag causing interruptions in conversations online and more importantly people that can't identify that it is the lag that is making the conversation difficult, not the other participants.
I hate being interrupted! I've blasted people for doing it to me while I'm talking, lol. I find there are two reasons why people interrupt; 1) they are not listening to what you at all, and 2) they want to guess what your are going to say ( usually they are wrong ).
I hate that when Im still speaking or haven't finished my thought the other person speaks but when I pick back up they say I OVERTALKED them...NO you never let me finish
Often I interrupt people that just keep talking even though they are either trying to repeat a point or their point is moot and they monopolize the conversation with "off-topic" points. Life is short and I ain't got time to waste on long winded pointless expositions, get to your point and move on, if not, I'll interrupt you.
I hate when more than one person interrupts and the subject is changed, it just feel that people do that cause they can't follow your thought. Usually when that happens i just give up
I think a fair share of "interrupting" is also a side effect of the brain's amazing predictive capabilities. Slimlraiy you mhigt rembmeer the "can you raed tihs" sentecnee. Yuor brian meaks sesne out of a mses, raelly fsat. So a person might still be speaking, but you already know how their sentence is going to end. You interrupting them, is simply quickly responding to a message that your brain already believes it heard the full story of. Yeah it's still rude, and you should try to avoid it. But I don't think a lot of the common interuptions are meant to be rude.
For me, it's a bad habit. I grew up hearing my mother and her sisters constantly interrupting and attempting to talk over each other. I'm not as bad as they were, but I've been called on for interrupting too much.
There are also situational and cultural differences regarding the appropriate pause between speaking turns -- I doubt the one found by the study can be taken as universal.
I know that the most common reason for me to interrupt others is when I already think I know what they want to say/what their point is, and then I respond prematurely. I usually get what other people are wanting to say mostly right; I don't know word for word, but I usually get the general gist and then move to say my own two cents.
I have one or two colleagues at work who will keep talking _until_ someone interrupts them. It's become almost a duty on the rest of us to break in once the point is clear, because we really don't need it to be repeated and embellished _ad nauseum_.
That 1/5th of a second reply must be geographically and societially dependant. I love Finland where they are not afraid of long pauses and only say something if they think it’s important to the convo
Thanks , that explains a lot because sometimes when people would interrupt me in the middle of a sentence , I thought they weren’t interested in what I had said or one of those long pauses, that they weren’t listening. Why do some people ( usually brothers and sisters) always finish each other’s sentences.?
I think interrupting is good if you have already understood where the other part is going to and what is he/she talking about. We italian are used to interrupt, only very few times someone complains
There are a few kind of interrupters. Those who are thinking about the conversation but not really listening to you and have a question they interrupt you to ask it out of timing because they weren't really listening and those who have to answer every question instead of you when someone else is asking you a question. Thirdly there are the rebuttal interrupters who immediately interjecting their response before you finish. By far it's one of my biggest pet peeves are the not listening types and the people who try to answer for you. I understand the rebuttal interruptions and at least they are listening to you.
As M. Lourson noted, this is definitely culture-dependent. Here in the U.S., it varies among parts of the country and subcultures - the following patterns are far from being rules or stereotypes, but they are somewhat predictive. Often, New Yorkers and others from the northeast jump in faster, and in the south and here in the southwest, where I live, it's the norm to allow for a longer pause (this tendency is even more pronounced among Native American cultures.) So easterners can come off as rude and pushy without intending to, and people like me can get frustrated and feel as if we can't get a word in. In one job I had, at team meetings I would get so frustrated at not being able to get a complete sentence out without being interrupted that I would just raise my hand like a schoolkid and sit there until my supervisor noticed and told everyone to shut up long enough to let me say something. I have found it effective sometimes to point at the person and say, calmly, "You just interrupted me." The next time, and there's always a next time, I say, "You just interrupted me again,' and so on. After a while most people get self-conscious and better behaved. Another pet peeve is when people finish other people's sentences. When someone does this to me, I reply, "No, what I was actually going to say, was {fill in the the blank.)" Another reason for this is that, as someone noted, people tend to start thinking of their response before you're done. Since listening and talking use different parts of the brain and when we're composing a statement we're using the talking part, people doing this have stopped listening as soon as they start getting their reply ready, and it can help to (a) avoid doing this by listening to someone's whole comment before thinking about a reply, and (b) asking them to do the same. I used to do couples counseling and this was one of the techniques I taught couples to help them reduce conflicts, because the feeling of not being listened to is more aggravating for most of us than the feeling we get when someone listens but disagrees.
sometimes some ppl interupt you so hard not even in midle of sentence but in midle of the word, you can tell them dont do it over and over and they do it anyway. Usually my apropach would be: yea well this person is not interested what you have to say so dont bother to talk to them... yea well it is my gf. It is so frustrating that i am feeling like giving up...
