Why Getting Married Is NOT The Goal of Life | Jefferson Bethke 

Yeah, I just got married 8 months ago, we're a bit older, but our marriage is really working well because we didn't see marriage as the end goal of our life, the end goal of our life is to serve Christ, and being married will help us do that better together! Good message especially for young adults.

Preach, bro! Love my hubby but he can't complete me. It's not fair for me to put that responsibility on his shoulders either. -Married 11years

Another thing to add to this is that it’s so much easier to become WHOLE while being single. I found out the hard way but my husband was great during the process.

THANK YOUUU

Praise God! This is exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you Lord!

I really needed to hear this today. I didn’t think this was something I had as my “finish line” in life, but I’m finding that in the back of my head I had being in a relationship as a finish line/goal.

I get your point, and I agree, but what about when you in love / crush with somebody? Its easy to say "pursuing her" is not what ultimatly gives satisfaction, but during a crush you get obsessed and its all you can think about. How to stay spiritually healthy during such periods?

Would you be able to do a video about casting down idols? Idols of marriage or people? Thanks, love your guys’ heart for God! God Bless!

Your videos always come at the right time. Even old videos seem to pop up when I need them.

"Faithfulness is the goal." Thank you!!!

I love you guys, so I have really been missing your material for single people/everyone. I would LOVE to see a series from you guys on being creative/the creative process/etc., since y’all are such creative people on so many fronts! Thanks for all you do :)!

You give some really good advice. Marriage is a great, God given institution, but I've been idolizing it. Also, I think my view of it was more of a fairy tale type relationship. I'll pray for a woman and to be a suitable man, but most of all I'll pray to be fully content with Christ and to live as a faithful Christian wherever I am. I'll ask that everybody reading this to please pray for me. I need to get my priorities in order.

I get that marriage can be hard, but isn't it worth it to have someone you can love and cherish, a best friend who has your back, someone you're willing to commit to for life? I keep hearing about how marriage is so difficult, not much about how it can be a blessing. It can be sort of discouraging.

Thank you so much for this, Jeff - hearing your point about missing what God has for you in this season right now really hit home for me. I know intellectually I'm not in college to find a spouse; but relationship problems have been stressing me out far more than my studies, and I think a priority shift is in order. :) Your ministry has been so impactful on my journey - thank you so, so much for living for God and touching lives!

Thanks for this great Message.

It was really helpful that he said “Faithfulness is the goal” to choose to be faithful in all these choices in our days. That’s a Word right there.

This video is on time. Thank you for your marriage perspective Jeff.

This was a great video a lot of people including myself lose track of the true purpose God has set out for us! At a couples class, my husband and I were taught that we're you united to complete God's mission together.

Thank you! I have actually reached a point in my life where I wouldn't be that upset if I didn't get married. It would be nice but it's not my be all and end all and I am so pleased! However now that I am in my mid twenties I feel like a lot of my family friends feel I should be married, in the kindest most loving way. They seem to want me to be happy but I am happy, following Jesus xD I will continue to be content but they definitely make it harder xD

This is great, Jeff! Supper good for a younger generation to hear.

This was awesome! Thank you for sharing this with us! May God continue to bless you and your family always! 😊

I have recently had my first crush (at 16) after asking God in middle school to guard my heart. I've been praying asking God what he wants me to do about this and I eventually felt like the answer was that this guy isn't for me (even though I still really like him I want to listen to God) I was hoping you have some tips for finding God's purpose in putting this person in my life and how I can "get over him". This guy is incredibly godly and I still want to be friends with him

This is what I needed to hear today. Thank you!

Amazing video! The singleness part definitely helped me out.

Thanks a lot for the word, Jeff. I agree that getting married is not the goal of life and it's just only the beginning of a new one. As a man of faith who has been repeatly told not to get married, it really sets in at times when people give their horror stories about their marriages and why you shouldn't follow suit. Hopefully the laws of marriage will certainly get better for both men and women.

i really enjoyed this. there's even a pressure in the Christian community to get married and if you're in your mid to late twenties and you're not married, it's almost looked down upon. or everyone will constantly ask you when you'll get married or oh, you'll meet someone soon, don't worry. like, i'm not worried? i think it's a problem in the Christian circles as well, not just mainstream.

Thanks for this video I really needed to hear this !

Jeff this is awesome. Thank you!

Hey y’all! Always love watching these videos! I was kind of wondering if y’all would consider doing a video on how to set boundaries or when to bring up the topic with your so from both perspectives? Blessings!

Looking for fullfillment solely in relationships ultimately had me feeling like something was still missing. Realizing that God is the only way to satisfy that feeling was the biggest change of perspective for me and my relationships.

Needed this!! Great reminder!!!

First I was like no not another person telling marriage is not important and shouldn't be your focus and stuff haha but it was actually very encouraging. Faithfulness, yeah! Thank you!

Merry Christmas Jeff!!!

Please say this to all the ministries catered to single woman in the church. We are bombarded with books, T-shirt’s, jewelry, conferences from married Christian couples who make it seem like this is the ultimate goal. How are we supposed to think otherwise?!

This video is sooo good and soon helpful thank you! You and Alyssa’s wisdom is always challenging and leads us towards Jesus thank you for your encouragement and for sharing :)

i love this video. i’m in high school, a senior. I haven’t ever had a relationship, and therefore I feel impatient for when I find “the one”. I really wish for it, and this helped!!! I’m trying to be content where i am!!

so good! thank you for this video

i needed this thanku so much!!!

As an ace (asexual) this gives me so much hope for my life that I didn't have before, thank you! ❤

Gosh you help me so much. Much love God bless you and Alyssa 💕💕

Thank you so much for this :)

I absolutely agree with you Jeff on every point (as usual)! You and your wife Alyssa always have such great videos! The only problem with this view point that you pose is the reality of the biological clock that is ticking for women. The older we wait (which it's better to wait than to marry a spouse that just was not the best person for one to marry) the harder it is on the female body when having children. It's just a fact. I mean there are a lot of Christians who get married in their early 20's. Good for them. I think that is how it should be. I think it's the messed up way of life that causes delay in marriage. It's incredibly hard these days to get married due to the expenses of living and the level of education that is required these days. People in their 20's rely on their parents financially. Due to the culture, we have a major delay in maturity of males even the Christian males. I mean pornography is taking up some of Christian men's time and heart that should be for Christ and becoming the godly leader they could become. People have less children and the parents give the children what they want, so they feel entitled and are less mature and less selfless. I am 22 yet I would probably not marry a Christian male my age because the majority of them are not close to being mature enough for marriage unless it was God's will. There are a small minority that would be ready for marriage. From my experience, it's the 28 year olds and older who are better suited for marriage. Yet, back then, 18 year old men were getting married and going off to war. People would get out of high school, buy a house, and get married. There was not a high divorce rate during that time period, so we cannot say that waiting for the "best one" is the answer to not getting divorced. I do not think it's God's design for people to be single for so long. I mean look at all of human history. I think it is the enemy that is holding back Christian men's maturity and delaying marriage. God is sovereign over all of this, though. But I believe if God's will was done on this earth in entirety, we would be getting married sooner than later. On one hand, it is great that we live longer lives and can be single longer and, therefore, be focused on serving Christ without having to take care of a family. On the other hand, if marriage is harder and more sanctifying, then why should we delay it for so long? Yes, we need to be patient. Yes, we need to be faithful to God in what he has put before us. Yes, we should not rush. I just do not think marriage should be pushed off. Of course, though, everything is in God's timing. In my opinion, one can only be challenged in one's faith by being single for so long when it is God's will for them to get married. It's harder these days to stay holy because now you have people who are dating for a long time because they are not mature or financially ready and it's hard being abstinent. I mean maybe some women find it not hard for them to stay pure or even some men. I don't know. And, obviously, marriage will not fix a heart that is impure. Clearly that is between one's heart and Christ working on his/her heart. But I doubt it's God's design for people to be dating for like 5 years as it happens a lot for Christians. I mean if people can date for 5 years and be holy, that's great for them. I do not know how that is possible but everyone is different. Wow, I just went on a major tangent. Basically, if one is 18 years old and they are worrying about marriage, then this whole message is great. But if one is of mature faith, having a solid foundation in Christ, and not in longing for spouse to satisfy, but longing for a spouse in a godly manner as it is a God-given desire to marry, and being of appropriate age to marry, wanting to start a family because the biological clock for women is ticking, then, one can absolutely have marriage on their mind because they want to start a family and have kids. Plus, it's easier to raise kids throughout their 20's, as it is easiest on their bodies during that time and they have more energy for it then if they were in their 30's or and then of course get's harder the later you wait. Then, the longer you wait, the older you will be grandparents and the less of presence you can be in the life of your grandchildren. I mean there is something incredibly special about having grandparents actively involved in the lives of the grandchildren. They are another godly figure/role model in the lives of the grandchildren. But the later people wait to start families, the older the grandparents will be, and the less time they can be around for the grandchildren.

Touche. Sometimes we put pressure on people to fulfil us. Marriage is the beginning of many things

Thank you!

Needed this!

I'm young 22 and single and I think its stupid to get married or have kids at a very young age, Some people my age or younger are just stupid and they think they are adults if they do these things, some people just don't have the common sense to understand what life is about. They just want to rush through things or do everything someone else does. I'm not looking for a relationship right now and I know I'm not ready, I dont have my own house or car, but I have a job and right now I'm trying to support my family and myself and I'm in a technical college school. That's all I need to worry about right now because moving so quick with getting married, moving out, and having kids so quick isn't all the great sometimes. I liked this video by the way, not a lot of people talk about this. Great job :)

Need this 🙌🏼

You didn't use scripture once to support your argument... While to my knowledge your thoughts here don't go against scripture, I believe you should be building your argument and teaching on the concrete truth that is the word of God.

viedo idea: How life is different from what you expected it to​ be and how did it affect your spiritual walk?

The first shall be last Christmas i gave you my heart....

Do you have a study on this for singles or recommend one that focuses on contentment for a group of singles at a church I attend?

My English it's not perfect but I want to share part of my biggest goal in my life was get married... But a lot of people told me I need more goals more of this because one of my biggest friend said The marriage it's a multiplication because you are 1 your couple are 1 so... 1x1=1 And if you don't are a 1 or try to be a 1 maybe you are a 0.5 or 0.75 and the other person to... For example you are 0.5 and your couple 0.75 0.5x0.75= 0.375 So that's why you need to be a number 1 or try because all your life God your family college sports job etc etc etc... Those things will turn you in a 1 for your couple So now my biggest goal in my life it's not a get married It's be a 1 for my And then to be the 1 for my couple Blessings from Guatemala city *I hope you can understand my English

So good!

I was just journaling about this. In the past, my desire to get married ended up surpassing my desire for God. It came first in my thoughts and in my heart. He graciously revealed this to me and I realized I made an idol out of the desire to get married and idolized a certain kind of person and relationship. I'm learning only God can satisfy me in the way I most need. Only God can be God to me. A spouse, or anyone else, can't be God so why would I expect them to do what only He can? I think a lot of relationships fail because people are looking for their partner to meet needs only God can. I saw this in my own life and see it rife within our culture. I think this is an important issue to discuss, as I have now demonstrated with this long comment. 😉

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

It's true that it's not good to be consumed with marriage, as if it is the absolute supreme objective in life. Getting married will not bring you everlasting happiness. A marriage will only be as fulfilling as the two people are willing to invest in it. Marriage requires work, resilience, patience, dedication and every possible resource you can imagine. At the end, you can look back over your life and know that it was worth all of the effort to have the person next to you and know that they are just as committed to you as you are to them.

So litterally all i ever hear from christians and people in general is that marriage and relationships are hard and it requires work. I'm a 21 year old and had never been in a relationship because God layed on my heart at a young age to save my self for someone who is in faithful pursuit of Him. He has always reminded of the sweetness of singleness and to be present with what he is calling me to in this season of my life. I've come to a longing for a relationship and marriage, but i litterally only ever hear negative things of what it takes to be married, even from christian that are tuned in to God's voice, why is it such a desire if its such a burden. The world view recently of casual "dating" has become very attractive.

Great video! I just posted a video about marriage on my channel discussing the things that come along with marriage that people don’t talk about.

what type of video camera do you use for your youtube channel?

You talked about faithfulness being the goal, rather than getting married. I think faithfulness is good, and I don't claim to have "The Right Answer", but a purpose statement that I think I like more is this: "The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." I think that was from Oswald Chambers, but I'm not certain of that.

I really want to double like this vlog 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

"be faithful where you're at" thank you./

Can you do a video about : wanting to believe in god but not being able to cuz the very thought of this abstract thought is too komplex to comprehend which I know is impossible but I hope you know what I mean...I feel like ..I just pray to god when I want something which is really bad..I want to have a relationship with god..😔

Thank you for this viedos bec i need to here thia bec im goinh thtew a break up .

Can you do videos about kids and include ur older daughter. Maybe talk about what it means that some ppl don’t believe in Jesus. My so is super confused.

My wife left me 2 days ago. She said she's open to reconciling but right now she wants her space. So I guess right now is that God wants me to work on other things and be grateful for the life I have

Knowing that marriage is not the goal in life, what advice would you give for someone being okay with being lonely for a season of life? (Not married, or dating anyone)

I wish I could understand what you say and hope you can add closed captions next time

Glory to God, I love you Jesus. Thanks for leading me to this video

I quite often feeling conflicted on this topic. I did not have the easiest childhood and experienced 2 parents divorcing, so much emotional heartache and drama couple years. For many years I didn't believe in God, and thought (really, planned) to never marry because I never wanted to be divorced or possibly put my own children through something similar. When I became Christian a few years ago, I kind of came to terms that God does love us and it could be possible to have a family of my own. I want it so badly, but I know it won't undo or "complete" me. But is it wrong to somehow feel that making families, loving each other and learning from our experiences growing up IS a calling? I feel so called to nurture. A lot of churches, books, and Christian culture put such an emphasis on getting married as well. It's difficult for me to think that any Christian would put that thought aside entirely... Would love any feedback.

+Jefferson Bethke, just got the "I think we need a break" speech. How do I react? Are we over, or is there hope of getting back together. Do I wait for them to be ready to come back? Etc. PLEASE HELP!

#truth !

I am Gali, in the year 1980 I lost all my hopes, I became a thief and club dancer. At that time I heard about Christ, the Lord spoke with me though the Scripture. JOHN 14:6 “I AM THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE NO MAN COMETH UNTO THE FATHER BUT BY ME.” I surrendered my life to Lord Jesus and confessed that He is the only Lord and died for my sins to deliver me from all my sins (Karma). When I totally surrendered my life to the Lord He has delivered me from evil spirits, which suffered me about 6 years. I became a new person in Christ. I love Bible so much and started memorizing the scriptures. By the grace of God I have memorized Five Thousand (5,000) Verses from the Holy Bible. Every week I also remember all the verses. Morning time I remember about 1500 verses for praise, worship and prayer. (Including 100 Psalms). This practice helps me to grow strong in the Lord and also to help others for the glory of the Lord. John 14:6 is my favorite verse; I preach this word to many unsaved people that they may find the peace in Jesus Christ because He is the Lord of all. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GWViryWWch4.html

Hi. Um, could you do a video on guilt and how taking refuge in God can help with that? I don't understand it.

Marriage only works when Christ is at the center anymore. The man must be the spiritual leader of the home. If he isnt, youre in for a lot of frustration. I know from personal experience and i dont wish it on anyone. It makes for a miserable existence.

2:11 "You become these people, who are grinding against each other, in a good and beautiful way... " ...so hot :D

Soooo true. We all need to constantly remind ourselves that Christian means "Little Christ." And Jesus wasn't married. Was homeless. Performed miracles in the name of God. etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... meaning do our best to be like Jesus/God. So this was a good reminder.

On to the message of the video...I agree marriage shouldn't be the goal...I've been single my whole life and I'm fine with it...

I love it! #NoBoyFriendNoProblemCozJesus

Thanks Jeff, for helping expose this lie the fallen world tries to get us to believe! All praise and glory to Jesus Christ!!!

i have asked a question in a vlog from 2015

Are there any scriptures for this reason?

❤️

Wow this is for the

Could you do a video that battles gender stereotypes and the roles God has for men and for women.

Will you help me I need some help

My goal is make it to paradise! But my life as in here goal is to make my parents proud

It’s hard to take advice on this subject from someone who is married. But thank you for trying.

jeff, could you guys do more vlogs? Also, what if God is calling you to do something in another place, but you don't​ have the money to make the moves necessary to get there?

What does God say about being an Incel male like myself?

lol every freaking time someone makes a vid on this they are married. AINT THAT IRONIC ?? why didn’t you choose the single life jeffo and proved your point lol

Next video “Why Having Kids is Not The Goal Of Life”, please.

I have the hardest time trying to balance Christ and finding my future wife. Sometimes I let the loneliness be bigger than God.

Been a single mother for 15 years and single for 2 years. I have found that I am much better off!! Marriage is overrated and such a disappointing shock when the one that I married doesn't truly love me! He lived his Permanent Resident card more! God is Good!

My dude can u slow down abit.. I need dem lyfe lessons but my brain cant process. Ty amigo

*Abby Shapiro has exited the chat*

disney fairy tale like beauty and the beast promote stockholm syndrome

I thought maybe you were half white and half black. So your dad is Indian and your mom is white?

I am Gali, in the year 1980 I lost all my hopes, I became a thief and club dancer. At that time I heard about Christ, the Lord spoke with me though the Scripture. JOHN 14:6 “I AM THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE NO MAN COMETH UNTO THE FATHER BUT BY ME.” I surrendered my life to Lord Jesus and confessed that He is the only Lord and died for my sins to deliver me from all my sins (Karma). When I totally surrendered my life to the Lord He has delivered me from evil spirits, which suffered me about 6 years. I became a new person in Christ. I love Bible so much and started memorizing the scriptures. By the grace of God I have memorized Five Thousand (5,000) Verses from the Holy Bible. Every week I also remember all the verses. Morning time I remember about 1500 verses for praise, worship and prayer. (Including 100 Psalms). This practice helps me to grow strong in the Lord and also to help others for the glory of the Lord. John 14:6 is my favorite verse; I preach this word to many unsaved people that they may find the peace in Jesus Christ because He is the Lord of all. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GWViryWWch4.html