You are an incredible human being - 18:32 Thanks for listening to my little story and journey. If you want to listen, my podcast is now called "Being Human Podcast". Hoping to answer questions, have group live streams and hang out with all of you! Join my newsletter if that sounds cool: www.scottstemarie.com/blog
The more self-help books I read, the more screwed up I felt I was. I am still interested in the topic, but I found reading too much too often was detrimental to my mental health.
Scott, around this time last year I was in one of the worst depression relapses I had ever experienced. I was working a stressful job-underpaid, overworked. I was alone-and felt it. I was on the edge of the S word. Naturally, I found you on youtube around the same time. It took everything in me to get out of bed every morning and face the day. With your help, I was able to. Eventually, I found myself relying on your videos more and more, and noticed you were starting to post less and less. I’ve probably watched every single one of your old meditations and podcasts at least twice. As the days went on, I came to the realization that I had to start to rely on myself more. So I did. I started to pick myself up with the tools you gave me. I found a much better, higher-paying job (albeit after a bit of job hopping). I got my own place. I’m on medication and therapy. I live life on my terms. I’m incredibly proud of myself, and, most importantly, I am able to acknowledge that I brought MYSELF here. I applied to those jobs. I signed the lease. I picked up the phone and called my doctor. I asked my girlfriend out. I can’t thank you enough for your words. What you say about self help in this episode is true, and it rings true for most things in life. I wouldnt be where I am today without the help of others, but I definitely wouldn’t be here without my own help as well. Great things happen when we get out there and LIVE.
Information overload is a big thing I struggled with. It got to the point where I always felt like I was letting myself down because I wasnt doing everything in the 5 books I read. self help books are a good thing but reading them in excess is like mental masturbation and lead me to actually staggering and downward spiral. I stopped a few years ago. The non-fiction I read now is mainly mental health based and less “always be grind/take action”. The moment I realize that the more I “needed” to “fix myself” kept reinforcing the belief that something was wrong with me and that I as the way I am now is not enough to live a happy and fulfilling life. Now I treat myself to fiction and don’t really worry fixing and more about understanding myself and acceptance
👏👏👏 A RESOUNDING HELL YEAH I feel like I just started truly living and I'm 34. I stopped worrying, stopped waiting, stopped wanting... now I just LIVE life as it was meant to be lived as a HUMAN! Loving, being genuinely ME without regret, maybe an "oopsy" here and there but I'm not going to cry about mistakes, I keep going and keep thriving. Awesome insight! Much love to u!!!
I just had this conversation yesterday with myself!!!...Right when you said "How To Win Friends & Influence People" I had to laugh and look at it on my coffee table along with other self help books...S.OS. Help For Emotions, Practicing The Power Of Now, my first self help book was when I was 26...it was "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People"...I had the epiphany too that I was better off without it...Neville Goddard messed me up cause I was on a roll with my own intuition and manifesting...now I get mad when I don't "manifest"...well that's cause we were lied to!!!...I wanted to make a video that manifestation books and the like doesn't work...you have to take action and learn through trial and error...that's how you manifest or do anything...you just keep trying but also listen to your soul when it's time to move on...
Reminds me of a post from Matt Haig; `The trick I reckon is to live while everything is imperfect, while everything is unfinished, while everything is not known. To just live in the mess and the mystery and not try to order it, tidy it or turn a cloud into a triangle. But to just f*cking live!`
Be aware that the human being is always in his own search. And each and every act of his is to strengthen his growth. Mental health comes first. Always Thanks . It is a pleasure to listen to you.
I started reading spiritual books / self help books in 2008 too and after years of reading I just knew I needed to stop and listen to my intuition more for guidance
Hi Scott. Absolutely that is me. I am in the comfort of reading the self-help books and watching a bunch of youtube videos and TEDTalks. Really needed to hear this.
Scott it is always fascinating hearing/watching you talk about different and interesting topics, the way you share your thoughts and feelings is just unique, comforting, always fun and makes me giggle here and there, thank you so much!❤️😇
Interesting perspective Scott. Any journey to awareness/transformation starts with the self, it's internal and on a very different dimension than merely acquiring knowledge. The greatest awareness comes from knowing the Self. Not the egoistic small self of labels we've chosen to wrap ourselves in. The application of Jon Kabat-Zinn's Mindfulness practices when applied gently brings you into the awareness that everything you need for self-healing is already there, you just need to stop thinking it's external. 🙏
The best self help book that I have recently read was Lucy Maud Montgomery diaries. The way she describes her feelings, how she captivates internal conflicts was extremely powerful to me. What I struggle the most is sometimes to express myself, to find proper words and then literature, art and music can really help and develop our emotional intelligence.
Hello! I am so glad you are making videos again! Back when I was deeply depressed, some 5 years ago, I used to listen to your videos where you were sharing instruments to ease anxiety and depression to calm my mind down. In terms of self help books, I think that it can be a process of accumulation and then, at some point, after working in terapy for a while, you can feel confident enough to practice what you learned. Here, in Romania, there is a big big need for people to educate themselves about how to deal with emotional stuff. But, as you said, at some point it is just dopamime strike. I voluntarily stopped buying books like so when I realized I have enough tools and they don't even need to be so many. You just need to practice them. Plus my "to read books" shelf was getting fatter and fatter 😂. I realized while listening to you that yes, for me learning is indeed a strong dopamine source and I use it and abuse it sometimes. In terms of intellectualizing life a lot. Thanks for this perspective. Once a fan, always a fan. 😎
I totally agree with you. I also view them as double edge swords. What worked for one person may not work for you. When I was younger and i had a problem, I just let it play out not read a self help book!
This is why I hate myself because I go with my husband when he plays pool and started drinking with him and then yesterday I got smashed and left my house alone and went to bar and made a fool of myself now my husband wants to really divorce me and I feel sick I hate drinking I don’t think I should go anymore to bars anymore with him I’m just gonna stay home in bed cause I’m so depressed and can’t move. I’m so happy I find your videos attain after all these months. I actually left m husband last November and he begged me back I came back and I been here 5 months and it hasn’t been easy today I don’t want to open the curtains or move or do anything . I’m scared.
So sorry you're going through this, I left my husband in June because of his drinking problem. Please don't hate yourself, you don't have to drink with him and you're allowed to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Man you couldn't be more accurate! I've recently found your channel and it's one of few which actually brings clarity and peace. We live in a "productivity" epidemic. Reading books and watching videos about striving isn't hard. Settng goals and never-ending to-to lists isn't hard. The hardest thing is to accept ourselves as we are...
I have read so many self help books, honw to b confident, how to heal, how to remain calm, how manage anger issues, how to detouch, practice empathy, practice gratitude, how to b happy how to overcome jealousy, how to everything.... cudnt able to apply 1 single thing in life. I just gave up.
As someone with ADHD, I get obsessive with learning new information. I love that dopamine hit of finding a new nugget or tip, but, like a drug, I have a crash after stuffing information in too hard for too long. Almost 40 and finally learning to do the things I need to do instead of DISTRACTING myself from doing those things with the chase for more. It's just an extreme procrastination strategy.
There is an occasional book that has some nuggets, but too much can be overwhelming. They all have their own take on what’s happening. But they don’t know us. For me it was books and podcasts etc. sometimes you just learn more things to worry about.
Hello everyone! I used to study different techniques for improving life. After a while I realized that these gurus lie to us. They give us the impression that we can take our life under control. Which is not always true. They give some reasonable advice but the main idea of control is fake.
My boyfriend loves self help book it’s all he does, I told him to quit the books but he just smash at my advice. He wants me to be read this books too, saying that the books will help me master my emotions, wanting to be perfect and no one is perfect. But to him those books makes him perfect with the meditation and all. I have advice to face his issues and not hide behind books. It is fucked
I stopped self help books as well some time ago. I started deeply reading those books when my depression started. I was looking for a solution for my depression. It helped kind of but made me addicted and dependent on them. What if my path is different then those solutions given in books? Why couldnt I stick to those given advice? I try to listen more to my inward. The thing with the dopamin rush while reading self help books is really insane. It makes so much sense for me
I was thinking something similar about the "Trauma Healing" culture because I was getting into the idea that I have to be healed and there was something wrong with me and that is why I'm feeling lost at this moment. Let me live! right.
I love listening to your podcast it’s so helpful and you always bring this powerful new topics, thank you Scott we really appreciate sharing your knowledge with us!
Resonating with this, sometimes there's no way around the hard stuff.... Just through it and there is no amount of books or therapy that can make this any easier and I feel better when I've just accepted that I'm experiencing a difficult time. I about had it when someone said "have you read Miracle Morning?" ugh... Yes I've read it twice and that is still not going to get me out of bed in the morning. At one point this summer I was participating in multiple group therapies and individual therapy and while it helped a lot, it basically felt like a full time job with 4 or 5 books going at once to the point I was getting more stressed when I didn't feel like making time for the reading. All these morning routines and advice around every corner honestly just makes me want to crawl further into my cave!
Yep I’ve got a load of self-help books read them all no help like he said just made me think worse of myself, so I’m listening to you now I’m trying to pick up and remember some of these tips you’re giving us thank you so much
I too have read every self help book, I can look at them now and tell you if I liked it or not but I cannot tell you anything I remember learning-so much money spent on them that I cannot bring myself to get rid of them-thanks for discussing this topic-
We seem to be a species hell-bent on feeling good all the time. When we don't feel good we must be doing something wrong. No wonder in the West people are over-medicated trying to feel what the self-help industry promises.
this me😅 i remember my brother said about my sister that she was making it too easy for herself getting workout gear but never actually working out, and i took it as an attack bec i felt that way about myself consuming so much self-help, at the end of the day you’re kind of feeding a cycle of proving to yourself that you can’t just be the way you are
Ummm if i can say this: This year was a very important school year, like about studies- I had a distraction. And also had told myself that DISTRACTION and GETTING DISTRACTED is 'BAD' so i tried to control it. That ended up in me thinking about it all the time because I wasn't allowing myself to have any. Thennnn BTS and they were spreading beautiful messages, i fell for them lol. Cuz one day i was feeling not so good because I was thinking about "Why did _____ do that?? She's avoiding me oh noooooooo😭😭" And that made me sad. YK for a while. Then i saw Film out, a BTS song It matches with my mood SOO well. THAT DAY i became sooo attached and was obsessingly looking up on information about them, their albums, songs' meanings, trying to even learn korean (they're korean. I succeeded in learning to read and write lol👏). Wasn't even paying attention to classes. I can't believe those days are gone!!! I remember doing all that like was just yesterday!! I just let the wave carry me. It usually doesn't get good results but they ARE pretty cool you know. Why I started - i started my information digging journey on depression. Like... BTS made a lot of depression related songs - i hope that's what they are. One of them is I NEED U. Surprise !! - idk what's the point of this!!!! Anyways I think I'm gonna end this cuz i got to go right now.
