Why MEN end up with TRAIN WRECKS: understanding your contribution to the problem 

Great video. Research about attachment styles and it will give you "deeper" understanding on why you were atracted to the toxic relasionships. There is a great book by Amir Levine called "Attached".

Hi Orion,I have recently watched your video "consumptive"within which you make strong statements about how women love,you seem quite angry and hurt,for which I feel compassion...I would really like to hear your definition of how men love because after all you are a man and inevitably have far more insight into your sex than myself. For what it's worth the characteristics I most value in men are kindness and laughter. I think we are all individuals and I wouldn't assign any other human being a number.The song "A dream of you and me" comes to mind.

That should have been...Future Islands "A dream of you and me".

You actually don't need to go into the spiritual that much to explain why you seem to resonate with the scars you have to these kinds of women. When it comes to me and re-enacting my parents' dysfunction, I guess why I chose her was because I thought that the person that would befit me the most was someone who went through kind of the same ordeal as me, thinking she would be more considerate about it. In the end, we ended up rhyming history all over again, both not understanding why it had come to that. One thing that could be learned is not to search for self-pity in one's relationship I guess.

i gotta say man that the artwork on your vids are unique and attractive. they stand out. i dont see anything like it around this landscape which can be very difficult. respect.

Oh man, I'm so sorry you went through that ordeal. It's unfortunate, albeit impressive, that she was able to sustain a phony act for 2 years. I would think there must've been some hints or indications of her true nature. In what ways did she change after marriage?

I still don't understand how people "lose everything"

The sunk cost fallacy applied to relationships - that is how people lose everything.

Society's punishment for being born male. I'm single and will never change that again. It's better for my finances, mental and physical health. I hope you get back on your feet, brother! Stay away from marriage...

The true test is to observe them when they think no one is looking. That is the only act that is not an act but who they truly are. Edit: This is exactly why I think that God exists and why we are placed here to live in this miserable world- this world is one big test and our chance to show the Universe who we really are.

Sorry for your loss, atleast you have great memories.

Good and easy. And a wonderful 20yrs. Same, I’m out.

Interesting

as the old saying goes "Its better to have loved and lost than have never loved at all"

what does folding mean

Fact!.

Women are able to spot toxic men from a mile away, they just choose whether to engage or not on their own accord. If she got out of an abusive relationship that translates to “He ran me up and I got tired of trying to control this beast. It was fun and exciting but I’m exhausted now.”💯

10+ internetz say you get looked at like a creeper as a single dad

Fellow 40yo here. Spotting toxic women is as natural as breathing for me now. All I need is 5 minutes and 3 questions.

@@forgottenfuryan lol I took my daughter to the park on Saturday and when it was time to return home she started a tantrum..... As we were walking a guy in his 50s yelled from afar asking if I knew her (my daughter)

That's a nice way of putting it!...lol

Currently going through the same thing. I'm glad I read this. Very encouraging.

Good for you

@@dr5290 Refraining from drinking definitely keeps the narcs away. Likely in part because places such as bars and clubs are infested with them due to their need for narcissistic supply; that, at least in my case, I didn't pay much attention to their behavior when my brain was acclimated to alcohol (even when sober this had an effect); and that as a consequence of quitting, I was also able to notice their behavior pretty early on. I made some videos on narcissism on my channel.

@@OrwellNailedIt There are no such things as 'miracles' to the atheist, though. I am happy you managed to finally quit the chemical 'crutches' that you have leaned on for so long in your life.

Your comment is hilarious 😅

You know what's crazy? I'm divorced I left a woman with BPD was an alcoholic and addicted pot smoker. I'm none of those lol. She hid it good but I ignored 5 or 6 red flags so it is my fault. But I was a criminal investigator and counter terror specialist. I won in the divorce and she got. nothing of mine and had to pay me for the equity in the home. I was good at law - no wait I was great at law. Anyway to the point I have 10 plus buddies on 2nd, 3rd and 4th marriages. They were all train wrecks. I asked in depth each one of them "WHY?". Each one said I'm afraid to be alone and would rather have the chaos than nothing. No longer to I bother hanging out with any of them. They are weak, stupid, sad BETAS and I'm just not.

They're not train wrecks, they just create them.

😅

Funny 😄

You can try but the man or women has to want to be fixed good luck

Don't we all

Egoistic white knighting.

This is hardwired into us. Omg. So much... And this is the only thing which causes th downfall. Trauma can't fix trauma.

You can fix your sink, car, house... Heck, given enough time, you can probably fix a black hole, then the universe. But those are plausible things, women aren't.

This is a code most men live by, verbal agreement of loyalty must be seen as a life bond and oath. Most husbands view their duties to their families as a non-negotiable, even in the absence of their own unhappiness. Husbands aren’t the ones who walk out on their families, wives do. For women, it’s not about the oath itself, it’s about how beneficial the oath is/will be to her, which is why when it no longer serves them, they break away from it.

women hate it, you know that. They won't abide unless there is a threat of violence or societal shaming

I owe no duties to a female who fails to honor my authority yet happily accepts my responsibility. Responsibility without authority equals slavery. Until females are women raised by patriarchal fathers and willingly submissive moms and respect these figures as natural and just, there will be few, if any, women worthy of our providership, patriarchy, and protection.

@@kimilsungthefirst6840Pretty much.

The trouble is women are rewarded to break the marriage contract.

Very elaborate. Thank you kind Sir. It’s a struggle for the men who are looking for genuine love.

@@bronzePower As said if you meet a woman who is very functional/sane/compassionate/balanced then you have a yardstick to measure against so that's really helpful via experience. Secondly and I think this is maturity, is one's concept of love changes from emotional-passionate-pleasurable to appreciation-sacrifice-faith in the woman you love and vica-versa sort of death of your ego in a sense. But it does as above need the right woman or you're in for a disaster. The dysfunctional women are probably from dysfunctional parenting and standards is my guess to that source which in turn leads to negative outcomes in behaviour and psychology. Otherwise a virtuous woman as quoted from one of the world's great prophets is man's greatest treasure aka another quote by from the same source: "The future of man is between the legs of a woman". It is true one way or another.

1 and 3 are true and huge factors in what I see with many men. It almost hurts my soul to see many guys just fall for women that show just a little interest in them . They get sucked into this void very quickly and you can’t talk much sense into them. Fwiw I’ve seen many women fall for guys in the same manner - they just get engulfed and then usually gamed and then they end up even more jaded and desperate

Well put! imo as you also said is that many men do not understand women, they think women will act as logically as their male friends and when they don’t, those men really don’t have the patience to understand women’s nature earlier on in the relationship Also men can be too desperate sometimes to get any girl than to wait or choose the right girl

​​@@commentarytalk1446 Reasonable comments from you here but for that last quote you'll need to prove its authenticity, for I've never heard such hadith. Not even weak one, let alone authentic. It just sounds too perverse, not in line with Sunnah. And saying that the Prophet said something he didn't, is a lie against him, so you better be cautious, if you actually appreciate and follow him.

Congratulations, it's a messy process. I began my mine about a year ago and am grateful for the new knowledge about myself. In my case childhood emotional neglect is one major factor. Having a greater understanding about why I was attracted to certain women is liberating.

@@WCCXtra congrats on your realization, it’s worth the time and effort. It took me 5 years to fully understand the extent of my experience but worth every minute. It’s life changing.

I'm currently in the same process. Believed for my entire life to have been born a failure...and now, also thru therapy, i'm realizing the massive extent of the abuse and neglect in my childhood. It is truly a miracle i'm not in jail. It is a painful journey, and i know it will take years to get to a place where i'm fully happy with myself and my life, but it is the only way...the alternative is suicide.

Same here, my mother was physically and mentally abusive and very manipulative, setting me up as a fragile person that was attracted to incredibly destructive females. Dad was absent most of the time and was just as bad when he wasn’t. I endured psychological and even physical violence because I was hardwired to. Therapy helped me uncover those deep layers that set me up for failure end helped set me up for healing.

@@christoph3187 Hope you are doing better now, man.

Thank You for this much needed info. This will be a sign too that you are attracting good people and good women too.

Dam .. well said

that's women in general

Wow

@@shaktigovender2536 Case in point: no argumentation, just an emotional display.

I have, they were all in a harmonious relationship with their husbands and were happy parenting. Their kids were also emotionally stable. There aren't many, but there are. They are as valuable among the humans as diamonds are on the jewelry market. They are wonderful women, they don't nag you, don't emasculate you, but rather comfort you and push you toward a better mutual life. It's sensational. They may not be the best looking (sometimes they are truly gorgeous) in terms of general idea of beauty, but their beauty is fed from their personality. And that's just empowering. Try to look elsewhere man. Hope you'll be able to find such a woman.

@@zp5808 They may look from afar as if they are but they aren't. I noticed you didn't say if you had one or not. I have had one in the past, even been married, it doesn't last. Was with her ten years, lead Physiotherapist at the local hospital, got married to give her her special day. She left 18 months later after she gained twenty kilos and went berserk on booze and food, went off with some other winner who taught her to doctor shop pain meds. Dead at 37.

Such a shame arranged marriages aren’t that prevalent in the west no more, daddy usually knows best…

​@@j.davila4523 they tried that with the "Kiss Dating Goodbye" movement. Daddy's didn't know best and shackled their daughters to men who were very good at being nice to dad while hiding they were drug abusers, alcoholics, physically abusive, or homosexual. I actually like the idea of families arranging DATES for kids. But not marriages.

interesting, but arranged marriages, afaik, has little to do with the relationship between the father and the to-be son-in-law. it is supposed to be about the family compatibility more than anything else. but since western society is centered around the individual, this aspect gets lost at times, and which in this case, makes it unrealistic to achieve a successful arranged marriage situation.

I'm glad your dad 1) was patient with you, 2) was honest with you, and perhaps most importantly 3) was emotionally intelligent enough to put his finger on the problem. Sounds like you had a good dad.

Yes, we all are damaged in some way. Until we dig deep to find our triggers of unresolved trauma, we'll keep repeating the same patterns.

after years of hunger even a soggy half eaten burger starts to look good

Sounds like a nightmare wow

I mean for me I've just had health issues that have made being around other people very difficult so when some 8/10 in looks girl with charisma wants to drive me around and have fun I'm not gonna say no but I probably should try and just stay friends only. Be very wary of very good looking women that seem too good to be true hint: they are.

The solution to that is to become a better version of yourself, and often the first step towards that is therapy.

Absolutely truth. Tons of “simps” that feel the need to take what they can get or watch pron forever.

BS you attract who your evil parents taught you to think you are. Men are typically far better than we think we are.

What if you do not attract anything/anybody?

No, it’s not about who you attract it’s about who you choose to be with.

​@@marino5652more work, healing takes more than you imagine.

@@marino5652you do, but you either don’t notice it or you haven’t liked the girls who have been attracted to you so far.

NPD is such a horrible thing... most of these people cannot be saved

No the collective population needs to get on fixing equality in divorce and family court. It will not only create a more moristic society with equality but it will benefit the children the most.

Unfortunately I think society discards men even men discard themselves. I wasted a lot of time in the mrm as a mra for years I believed the general population wants equality if they were just aware of the inequalities in the laws something would be done. About pizzagate time a number of inequalities were brought to light and nothing. Nothing happened. People were aware and they didn't care including men themselves. I was quiet jaded by the experience and just walked away from it all.

@@michellemariejanewalsh5302 Im not sure what you meant by 'moristic'? couldnt not find that word in the dictionary, nor could I guess what you were intending to say. But I agree, making the courts more fair & balanced would be ideal. But . . . lawyers & judges would starve to death, and we couldnt have that!

@@inconnu4961 moralistic

the SEXIER a woman looks.... the more wildly unstable she is.... because all of their lives they were given high levals of attention and it altered their Brains... a sleazy woman is sexy because we only think of sex when we see them and we produce that energy thru thought... But we love only what we can trust.. and this concept understanding only comes thru time for Men..

Five months isn't a fling You'd have more to show for it if you waited until marriage to have sex, then had only unprotected nookie, like our ancestors all did.

Made that mistake once, never again. Stay far away from any girl in the sex industry.

as soon as you said stripper there was no reason to read the rest...

@@harrybellingham98I’m shocked… Well, not that shocked…

Can I ask, I'm 40 and I don't want nor feel like dating women. Would you recommend the single life?

@@MrKanrabat I can recommend it to anyone who is well suited to it. Given the feelings you indicate, you might be one of them. It doesn't have to be a final decision. You can just go by how you feel from day to day, year to year. I wouldn't necessarily refuse a healthy relationship that hit me in the face, but It's been so long now, I don't even think about it. On Friday and Saturday nights, going out looking for women is the furthest thing from my mind. The only thing I'm thinking is, Yay, time to relax! No one to worry about! If you are temperamentally disposed to peace and solitude, like I am, there is no reason why you need someone else to be the most content you you can be.

@@timelston4260 It's kinda sad though that some woman did you so bad that you gave up on women.

Exactly. Thank you!! I see men go for the dumpster cat all the time.

Do you pity yourself?

@@zvishineweather8962 not usually… but every once in a while…😉😂

😅

How did you end up marrying her?😅

@@CC-2020 she visited her ex-boyfriend I went to university with. There was a fall social that she, my female cousin and my ex gf (her roommate!) went to. We started talking and dancing (mostly in an attempt to avoid our exes) and had a great night together. We lived in different cities so I went to visit her and after she graduated she moved to the city I was in and we started dating proper.

You have about a 45% chance of that working out for you. Just remember at your age, if you get it wrong you will end up homeless and peniless living in the gutter when you are an old man. Don't do it, its a trap. Have relationships but no marriage.

@@jb-xc4oh you could also suggest a prenup. Telling someone to engage in serial-monogamous short term relationships isn’t exactly great for mental health.

Prenups aren't worth the paper they are written on. Judges in family court routinely rule them not applicable.@@che4840

Yeah I'm wondering if my mom was like this. She's a borderline narcissist but not malicious generally. I can't really pinpoint what's the deal with me. Probably should talk to Orion about it.

The thing with getting older is you can Spot red flags from miles away. The last few women I’ve talked threw up a couple red flags after 10 minutes of conversation.

And they're CELEBRATED for it. Men have an unappealing quality, they better work on it. Women? Well you should just "accept her just the way she is". Craziest thing is, they don't even WANT the guys who'd stomach this. But, incapable of self-reflection, it must be ALL men. Seriously. And these are the ones that get to raise kids by default.

Oh man, This. Women on dating apps seem to be trying hard to NOT get picked. It is weird and i always wondered if everyone is noticing this.

its a very good way for women to be left with unexoerinced men that they can have more leverage /power and expeince over... women love to have the power to be the heartbreaker once they have too much baggage

Same

You are getting off on the fact that you get to use women like puppets??

@@QwertyQwerty-eq7th What are you saying lol no one is celebrating that.

where does one find the non toxic women. Not on the dating sites.

@@FiredtoFreedom people recommend doing activities you love, going to parks, cafes, bookstores, etc and strike up conversations with people. Don't use pick up artist tactics, just talk to people like they're humans that you're interested in getting to know.

​@FiredtoFreedom there are lots out there. The problem is that men put too much value on physical attraction and of course not many women are considered as commercially beautiful but they are the best human beings.

I have always thought this concept is a bit of a cop out. As men it's out job to fix and build everything. This includes people. How to do that is the question. You must be fixed first. Second you can't let them break your world. Jesus would dine with the sinners to spread the word. He did not ask them to move into is house.

Besides I don’t think you can fix people. You can point them towards therapy or medication but that’s about it. I find many women want and almost expect men to come in and save them from Their problems or somehow make them happy. Not reality

@@ArizonaVideo99eww man I wish you luck in trying to fix women that have deep issues. If they have Minor anxiety or depression then you might be able to help but more than that and you will end up exhausting yourself

@@ArizonaVideo99you must be young. There are lots of unfixable people out there. Personality disorders, Asperger’s, mild autism, the whole lot. They can present themselves as normal for a short time, but eventually can’t keep up the act anymore, and get worse with age. And more men are afflicted with these than women. Basically an inability to feel. No amount of therapy can fix this. I grew up thinking that even serial killers just needed love to stop. So much naïveté.

@@Bubbles-od2tv I'm 60. My point is not just for woman. Its not about saving them but making the world better by making yourself better and then making everything you touch better.

At this point I think they all have issues. It just depends on which subscription you're willing to buy!

@@AR7271 ahah this

@@AR7271 fr lol

Codependency and childhood wounding. That’s serves most everyone today as nearly everyone is codependent from childhood crap Listen to some audio books on it. Just don’t get codependent no more. Very old book during the alcoholic anonymous era Anyone attracting toxic people need to heal these things if u ever want a healthy relationship

Chech this guys reaching Gabor Mate!👍

Good luck to you. Seek and you will find.

I’m 21 and I feel you

At your age a lot are already in a relationship.

Too late mate

You will most likely not find

So true! A lot of people don't even know they have problems. It takes a big enough failure and a certain amount of self-reflection for some to begin the process.

Yep. Most listen then go on doing the next thing. Listening is easy. Change is hard. And as you said mosey don’t take the opportunity that was the lesson for it to actually be the lesson and like staying in grade one forever to rinse and repeat acting like “I don’t know why I didn’t get the results I wanted” It’s why I write down every lesson from a video in a notebook and do weekly reviews and daily work and check in with my progress how I handled situations

Literally lol. It legitimately works both ways

Absolutely. It's humans in general, not just women.

Those people don’t deserve you anyways, best of luck to ya

Perhaps you need therapy as to why you are attracted to these bottom feeders.

I've had this problem because I worked on my social skills and physical attractiveness heavily when I was in my 20s. It ate my self esteem to a point where I felt almost worthless. Now I think that a lot of women wanted me for a fling, but they were afraid when they saw that I had so much depth. Maybe they were afraid that they'd love me? (some did and it turned out bad) Maybe they were afraid that I'd read them and uncover their games? (but the thing is I was seeing their games, that's what attracted me in the first place…)

You just dodged some bullets without even knowing it, or costing you.

The male figures in your life failed you...

​@@marktapley7571also this

I don't know mate, my body count is very humble though looking back I miss very few of them gals but much more often I just wonder why the hell I even was making out with all them

exactly. I envy the men who date these bat shit crazy women.

gotta make yourself that person

this is true, its like a fear of NOT being indifferent

we all do. smell the fucking coffee.

i agree with this

@@chuckiegravesfield3170 No you don't. And that is not a nice way to address someone.

Smart good-ish girls are.

How did you do it? The person you fought w/ was your ex?

What self improvements?

@johngalt6838 Hi John! Thanks for your interest. Talk therapy has provided me with several tools that are tailored to my strengths. These tools help me to identify moments of emotional dysregulation in real time so that I can provide myself with an immediate solution to help avoid/alleviate strong outbursts. It has also helped me to become a better communicator and a MUCH better listener! Daily practices such as journaling, meditation, organizing something, and physical activity (a walk is plenty, I'll do more if needed) can help to keep my emotional maintenance at healthier levels. There are other things, too, and this list will vary for everyone. I have improved my self-image and my internal dialogue through daily affirmations. I no longer hear my childhood abuser(s) voice(s) in my head telling me how awful I am, and that has been paramount in my healing process. Catering to the different versions of my inner self when needed has made it easier for me to achieve that 'happiness' mindset. I still struggle, I'm not perfect, and that is truly OKAY! Beyond all of that, I enjoy following and watching RU-vid influencers like Dr. Taraban, who share their knowledge and life experience in this area. I hope this response is helpful for you and others, John. What brings you here to this video and comment section? How have your relationships (good and bad) shaped your life? What are you doing now, or what have you done to help make your life better?

❤️

Yes, being brought up in a calm, stable environment can breed naivety. I used to think at heart everyone was rational, honest and fair. Unfortunately not true.

@@fiveleavesleft6521 Yes, I'll have to agree. I was just not fully aware of how completely out of touch a person can be with the mere practice of calm, polite interpersonal interactions A few things that left me bewildered... - Getting berated and her displaying anger with me for not noticing that the Google maps directions I printed up only took us to the middle of the zip code since the street we were headed to was brand new and not recognized by the app. It was for a meeting that turned out to be little more than a sales pitch. The whole thing amounted to nothing in the end. So in essence, she ripped me a new one for what amounts to a basic human mistake with no malice or ill intent. Was there an apology after? Hahaha! That's funny. I never heard the word "sorry" ever come out of her mouth in the first 10 years of our marriage. - Told after a conflict with another person that "any other man on Earth would have known how to handle it". - Her opening a rather expensive necklace I gave her for Christmas, only to have her toss it aside like it was worthless without her even looking at me, much less saying a polite "thank you". And then to have her come up to me later to discuss my "stupidity" .. Her: I have a question, why did you get me a necklace? Me: It's beautiful and I thought it would look fantastic on you. Her: I had surgery. You know that, right? I have a scar. You can see that, right? I haven't been wearing necklaces lately, so why would you do that? And then she walked away.

Sounds like a woman 😂

​@@rougebaba3887don't feel bad. That's normal woman behavior. She is doing that because you treat her nicely. That's just female nature. If you started pampering yourself and buying your own necklaces and looking like a don Juan her whole attitude would change.

@@rougebaba3887 and you're still with her? Man you guys really must enjoy being disrespected

I disagree completely. I avoid drama and I love the quiet and calmness.

The women that YOU pay attention to, love bad boys 🙄

@@brianmeen2158an anomaly doesn’t make the standard. You are an outlier Most women are psycho. Chaos. Drama. Complainers. Love the cycles of ups and downs. Going after what will never commit to them. Love being the victim. .

Disagree. I could never see the attraction to bad boys. They just seemed like a load of unnecessary drama and heartache. I've been married nearly 40 years. We're boring. It's great.

Imagine that. Wanting to share their experience with someone who understands. They should. They often heal together.

The man that you are with now will always be second to the bad boy you truly crave

I ghosted just once. She called my mom that it was ok she just wanted the return of her 8-Track compilation tapes and brownie pans.

The sex tends to be great imo because most toxic unstable women are easily sexually available, promiscuous and into a lot degrading sexual things due to their traumatic upbringing/any abuse they endured. Like a lot of women who are sexual abused/grew up without a father all seem to be into like rapey/powerplay fantasies. They're not even good or skilled in bed a lot of the time since they're basically reliving childhood sexual trauma, they're just "easier" to get into bed and to control in bed for a man who...probably lacks the social skills to attract a mentally healthy passionate sexual woman. Most men have bad sexual pallets anyway due to porn and traumatic upbringing so when a guys says a woman is good in bed they usually mean she had no standards, limits, and he did whatever he wanted. The few guys I've been with have been shocked by how high my sex drive is but I have strong boundaries and don't put up with a lot so only certain men have been able to see that sexual side of me. I don't even let certain men approach me since I know if were not emotional compatible, were not going to be sexually compstible. Most men are bad at sexually stereotyping too because they're not in touch with their own emotions. A reserved and controlled woman is usually the opposite of frigid but it takes more effort, on the man's part, to satisfy a sexually assertive woman with a high sex drive than it does to get satisfy a toxic woman who's just reliving childhood abuse through sex. Sex is all about emotions, its why empathic people are generally better at it and it feels better when you're emotionally connected to the person you're doing it with. Even if the emotional connection is a toxic one, that's why people have to work on themselves. It's hard for people to fool me or get anything past me so, the few emotionally damaged who've pursued me usually never made it past talking. I never even plan it that way, that's just how it tends to play out. They want the "easy" toxic emotionally damaged woman because like the emotionally damaged man she also lacks any patience/sexual discipline and will give all of herself after barely knowing the man in question, but she quickly exhausts herself and then lashes out at her partner in some way and the toxic cycle repeats itself. One easy way to spot this is if the person in question has children and what their relationship with the parent is. Toxic emotional/sexual bonds create a lot of single parent homes/broken homes/ fatherless homes. Its why I don't date men who have children from a previous relationships if they are under 18 because, I'd say 70% of the time, they're still sleeping with their child's mother on occasion, especially if they give her any financial support. Men without sexual discipline tend to create the broken homes they came from, in order to maintain a steady supply of control/sex from the emotion damaged woman/mother, even if they no longer love her. I've noticed that in dating many of these men push for intimacy early too.

Yes and no. One aspect to consider is the chameleon factor where women are are really good at hiding red flags not just from the guy but his friends and family too. The other thing is some of women's red flags traditionally in society have been passed off as just being female nature something to laugh about rather than actually be concerned about.

WOW!!! that's very insightful, and maybe true, I'm not sure.

It is. Even flings (a few weeks together) actually can benefit from that. Not only I've lived the same story as him, I also suffered a lot after each fling. I'm not totally sure how, but seeing the same places I went with her, doing the same things I'd do with her, was triggering some slight disgusts for a couple months after each relationship. Probably more and longer than the happiness of the relationship itself. I guess unconsciously I knew that I was doing something bad, so there was some guilt trying to knock at the door, and I'd have to resist it.

Hypergamy baby….works every time.

Someone in the know Yea most of you damaged broken people have codependency and childhood wounding. Need to heal if you want a healthy relationship as you are putting in as much damage being a codependent.. Thanks for sharing as few actual life changing advice. Most just share their story which is fine but isn’t the point to progress and heal and move onto a better path. Sharing doesn’t get anyone anywhere

No one has an amazing childhood. Repressed memories and selective memory is going on. You hav codependency and childhood wounding. Therapy. Audio books. Workbooks.

If they were to write here, your ex-es would surely describe you as a "train wreck," whatever that is. It amazes me how humans cannot overcome their ego and biases. If she was a train wreck, maybe because you were not exactly activating the leisurely "horse and carriage" in her. Another might.

Agreed

Sadly, there haven't been enough people who know this stuff to teach it to us. Maybe the next generation will get that benefit.

Were you a virgin at the time?

Ah yes. A man told me something simliar, he had two out of wedlock children but claimed to be a Christian (much of his ideology and dogma was wrong anyway.) He said, Oh I can see you're more carefree I don't want to weigh you down." And you're right 😅, you be dodging bullets.

@@rejanrobinson8797 Those miserable men will be going back and looking for good girls once they're old graying and balding hags past 35, after they've got destroyed mentally and financially by those hot train wrecks they went after in their youth. Now, all of a sudden they value 'peace of a mind' and a plain Jane looking woman with nice and nurturing personality. They can only wish.

Actually as men we get told the same. I also believed that I should be more agressive, sexual, because that was the propaganda from our culture (it's normal, look, everyone happy is doing it, or "you should have fun while you can" from my mother). It got me to the train wrecks that the vids talk about. I don't think how we can promote the whole concept of choosing a partner just for a limited time at all. I mean it's pure self sabotage at its best. Thankfully I remained friends with many of the women who told (or implied) something similar, and I can say today that they are the best by far. They have a self confidence that almost no other woman is displaying, I think it shows as self respect or something. Anyway healthy men have "sensors" for that, we just ignore them because it's scary, it means we get only one chance, and as men we're supposed to be experienced (that whole expectation of superiority to the women you're courting, which is creating a LOT of the sabotage we are talking about). Unhealthy men cannot distinguish narcissism from feminine and attractive traits, because the narcissist is so good at filling their holes and they get overwhelmed.

Be glad you've been told- you're a wife material not just some hoe outthere, believe me guys compare women they see and meet in person... what's wrong with being just for marriage, that's correct and a woman should be a wife.. Besides being a proper woman doesn't equate to innocence.

​@@blackjames4116and those women want attractive men.

I don't know you, but I feel like you might be making your "unattractiveness" into a bigger obstacle than it actually is. Because men are very visually stimulated, physical attractiveness tends to be pretty important to us when we look at women. Lots of men assume that women care about physical appearance as much as men do, but the reality is that they don't. Women are significantly less visual than men...yes, they do care about looks, but not as much as you would expect. For women, what makes a man attractive is mostly his attitude and how he makes her feel. I used to be a stereotypical nice guy who had no backbone and no boundaries. Being that kind of guy didn't get me very good results with women...it's like woman repellent. I noticed a major difference in my results when I started acting more dominant with women and talking to them in a more dominant way. Not like an abusive jerk, but like a leader who's in control of the situation. Basically, your attitude is "I'm going to do what's best for me AND also do what's best for the woman I'm with." In other words, you act sort of like a loving daddy to her--you're always looking out for her best interests and trying to make her feel safe and taken care of, but you're also firm and you don't allow her to walk all over you. You have strong boundaries and a clear idea of what you will and won't tolerate from her, and you don't allow her to ignore your boundaries. You don't sacrifice your principles for her, you don't seek her approval in everything, and you don't act like she's above you. You say what you think and do what you want (within reason) and don't care whether she agrees with you or not. You treat her sort of like she's your child. When a man acts this way, it's VERY attractive to women. When I changed my behavior, I noticed a real difference in how women responded to me. I had more women showing interest in me than before, and I had more ATTRACTIVE women showing interest in me than before. I had women start saying gushy things to me after we had only been talking for a couple days. I had women start saying things like "I think ANY girl would want a guy like you," completely unprompted. I can say from firsthand experience...this stuff really works. Making this shift is not super easy, it's not going to happen overnight, and it does take some practice, but it can be done. It's also not as hard as most people would probably think it is (and I used to be a pretty hopeless case, so if I can do it, anyone can). I think the best way to learn is to find lots of RU-vid videos, blog posts, and books that teach men the mindset I just described, then consume a lot of that material and start internalizing it. Also, start practicing this stuff with real women as soon as you can, because without real-world experience, it's just book knowledge. And we're often our own worst critics, so I think it's likely that you're not as unattractive as you currently think you are.

@@blackjames4116 she may not aim out of her league but she will always LUST out of her league. We men also do that. But for us its all visual. For them it's emotional. If you are not her first choice she will hire to resent you.

@@blackjames4116 back in the days unnatractive women didn't have any access to men way above them. It's unsettling knowing that at any given time Drake or Future could Dm your wife and she will flat out leave you kids and all.

@@kylemacdougall8355what? Holy shit! Do you need healing? If you are dating women who you also believe are “child like” and you need to behave like a parent, That’s creepy. Healthy adult men are not attracted to someone who are “child like.” Healthy men are attracted to someone who is intellectually a match.

Well said!

as for the last point it seems to rule out rel.ship.(wreck)ing with xx.s again at all, then.

😅

Same thing happened to me: i started to explore the extent of my childhood trauma, and went to therapy, she downloaded dating apps and monkey branched to another guy. And she has the courage to say that she's the less broken!

Same experience

Yeah, I agree a follow up video talking about how people fix what they have to fix within themselves. I mean, it's too abstract to hear how @Orion fixed himself first before meeting that partner.