It doesn't matter whether they are not that into you or just afraid of commitment. A guy with that much fear of commitment is still emotionally unavailable. It's not worth your time, ladies. A man worth having is not still holding all that baggage and expecting you to carry it.
Sometimes its used for emotionally abusive reasons and forms part of toxic cycles where silent treatments are one of the many tactics they use to control you.
Prior to silence, I observed he was lowering his efforts. After exchange of messages, he didnt respond.I allowed him to be silent for 6 days. I have to give him space. to reflect. He is now back to his sweetest version. Silence is okay. It's giving him the space he needs. Time for reflection
@@dianaverano7878 Same thing happened to me. Then we had a great weekend and he's gone again. He told me he was so sorry for hurting me the first time. He's not getting another chance!!!
@@doglover5519 there are times the person is busy. What it is up to the guy to make up for it. If doesnt put the effort, give him the stone cold silence he deserves and do not talk to that guy again
Yes. Just happened. He’s going through some kind of crisis and is pulling away/shutting down after almost a year. NOW…I’m not reaching out. He’s gotta figure himself out and I do need to focus on me. Sad though 😢
After almost a year? That's unbelievable!!! 😳 I would expect this to happen in the EARLY stages of dating.... I'm not that good at pretending like I really don't care, so I know I'd wait a little while, & then TRY to communicate....
It’s good to see this reason being discussed . I walked away because she couldn’t open up emotionally and was cold . I was very patient but I can’t deal with that any longer . I seem to get the impression from her and from other coaches/ dating experts that it’s a form of ghosting as she hasn’t reached back out . Which kinda proves to me she wasn’t as interested as she made out . Most things I’ve seen online says when a man walks away silently he’s not interested or he is not a nice person but that isn’t always the case .
As a man who is silent, it doesn't mean we are experiencing fear or scared to commit..9/10 it's that we see through the games and nonsense. Knowing your worth and walking away whether it be Male or Female creates respect and more importantly self worth.
And men don't often listen and cannot handle the truth. Agree walking away. Choose you! We all have our own truth and live by our values. Character is everything. I've Scanned 250,000 Brains This Is Really How Men Think - Dr Daniel Amen and Lisa Biyeu podcast. Accurate study
This is the real reason in many cases. I went silent on a woman because despite my willing to commit, she was playing games and stringing me along. I bounced.
im truly a chicken due to past trauma, and im the female. dont say im not worth it. im struggling to get past the trauma and be healthy but im so dam scared
I say being scared isn't the point, the point is when he doesn't talk about it, he just shut down. Lack of communication makes being chicken a bad action. Yeah? Details make a difference. Plus I personally don't want to be with a coward bcuz I need/want a hero. I can and even enjoy my own company if I "can't" find a man "strong" enough to be by my side. Ya know?... Communication is KEY. just my opinion.
The reason why a guy pulls back is irrelevant to me. If he doesn't have the emotional capacity to talk to me about what's on his mind, he is not for me to begin with. I have absolutely no interest in an unresponsive partner. And I won't ask someone who doesn't want to be with me to stay. If a man can't muster the courtesy or respect to make a clean break, then I am more than happy to let him walk. I'll thank him for our time together, wish him the best and go on with my life. It's funny though that these are often the same dudes that later try to boomerang back into my life, promising that they've grown and changed and things will be different this time. Somehow they are surprised, offended or even hurt when I'm not interested in the slightest. 😑 These blokes need to sort themselves out and leave me to be with the guy who actually chooses to love me right.
I totally jinxed myself with this comment 😅😂 Because a few days after I wrote it, one of my exes indeed came out of the woodwork after two years of radio silence. And unironically he was pretty much the same as he was back then. Luckily for me I handled things differently this time around. He showed me where it hurts and what I still have to work on. And I'm glad he did, because I'm definitely stronger and wiser for it ❤️
Indeed Steph, this behavior is ingrained. Therapy is mainstream for men. Women aren't rehab centres for broken men Gold Digger? Get a clue. Sounds manosphere. This channel is about empowering men and women.
Move on, ladies. If he's not ready to commit, you need to leave him. He's still a child. He might promise to marry you one day, but don't waste your time.
I am So Grateful that you brought in the Fear Factor, because it now makes some sense about something said to me Very Early in the relationship. "I think I'm falling in love with you," with a kind of twisted up expression. Now I see that it was probably a fear about these feelings. My shocked self answered "I need to get to know you, first." So far, months later, it's working....
Is yr guy introverted type ? I met a guy online in my country who confess love . Daily comes to talk with me. But kinda move very fast.. asking me to be his gf. But he has gone silent on me on 2 occasions, and the 2 times is usually near the day we are suppose to meet for the 1st time. He even told me “he has a fear of losing me”… I don’t get it with him. Fear of losing me but exhibit such behaviour prior to a meet up. 🫨 I told him - it’s best we give each other space… I guess it is a process huh ? How did you manage with his “fear”?
Long distance. These are high risk men. Jonathon and Evan Mark Katz have excellent podcasts on this topic. Smart move! 👍 Proximity equals continuity and can build the deep roots of trust. Abundance is where you live!
And if he can’t answer you or ghosts you…then wish him all the best and go no contact. Move on, date others and focus on yourself. The right man who eventually get clarity on what they want. ❤
Sorry but this is bad advice.. who wants someone with fear of commitment or isn't into you?? Don't chase any man. If he's not calling you, he's not the guy for you Move On
I’ve been in a situation recently, where in the beginning of the relationship in the first 3 months he stated that he is committed to me and want to have a relationship, even introducing me to his family as well as with a ring, and suddenly with out any fights or anything he pulled back and stated that he is not emotionally available and don’t think he can up keep the relationship. So no matter what discussion you can have with someone beginning or after, PEOPLES FEELINGS CHANGE ALSO BIG FACTOR IS FAMILY INFLUENCE AS AS WELL AS FRIENDS
as the female, i do the same, its embarrassing as heck, its crazy too because when the guy does it, im like, he dont really like me, or wat did i do wrong...i needed to hear this, thank you...
Did you miss the part where you said, "he went silent". That's the problem. Has not returned phone call, text message or messenger 🙄 message. ARGH! 5 DAYS.... After a month of texting and talking daily...
A fear around commitment and doubting you’re the person to go the distance = he’s just not that into you…loosely speaking. What’s the benefit of putting your time and energy into digging up that conversation to have him try to explain that “he’s afraid and doubtful,” when you already know that, and would prefer to be alone or find someone who isn’t scared of you. Lol
I texted him and he replied immediately. He never tells me exactly whats up, he tends to shut down. He said be was going through a lot (as am i) then disappears for maybe two or three days at a time. The thing is i know he is into me , hes confessed a lot. Just recently he started getting distant and we are also long distance which makes it more complicated.
I’m in the same situation you are. It’s driving me crazy. My guy is becoming distant with phone calls. We text every day but I miss the sound of his voice. I’ve brought it up in conversation and he avoids it-everytime. I don’t wanna push and become annoying or nagging. I just don’t understand. UGH 🤷♀️
@@megandoktor9911 unfortunately I missed the red flags, he secretly had a gf! When I asked if he was seeing someone he deflected and said I'm jealous or possessive. I blocked him. Hope it works out for you 🤞🏼 x
@@laoisemeehan I’m sorry. In the beginning my guy asked me if I was seeing or pursuing someone else. I wasn’t and he said he wasn’t either. Then he said that he wanted to take it slow (and that’s fine, I don’t mind). But what I don’t understand is why he won’t talk on the phone with me!! Like I said I’ve brought it up twice and he avoids it or changes the subject. I’m confused because I don’t know whether I should bring it up to him again or just wait.
@@megandoktor9911 have you met in person? Just be very very cautious of catfish. I have been catfished before! Be really careful. It is strange he won't accept a call. I was like that with this guy only due to anxiety. However he should definitely be the one wanting to ring you, even if It is just a short call. Weird 🤔
Well no don't call him, that usually scares them away. If you do call him let a few months go by, and let the conversation be casual. Or send him a Christmas card. But thats it.
Is that supposed to be a dadge of honour? You sound like a Pick-Me chick right now. The fact that you are the first to feel for him is a problem. You are settling for crap. You are desperate and he senses that you are desperate. Ever noticed that men love b*tches? Push them away and they will run to you.
idk when i meet someone that im gonna start fallin for them, but when i do start fallin, im scared of getting hurt, so i run, and it embarrasses me. i see guys do same. Hopefully they dont hold it against me, like i stupidly, hold it against them. just crazy what trauma and unhealthy grooming does to sweet loving caring loyal people.
can it be your souls just touch that close it frightening?? We can just be saying hello and see. But then what if he wanted a prettier women . instead he wanted pretty beauty plus the soul of women to match and it is not matching . so he stay away . But yup he loves. I can understand , he likes that I do understand. Many do not. likes the unique between us in understanding feelings. yup I feel we scared that one. or made them worry. I say meet and the worry goes away and we solve the problem.
I agree that meeting up and having an open conversation would alleviate the fears and anxiety for both people, allowing things to naturally progress forward in the way they want to go. ❤
That's right they don't want to get really get involved with somebody anymore which sucks for the person that wants to partner could you find out after the fact
In the very beginning is the perfect time to ask all you can and tell all you can. Trial period trying to decide if you both want this relationship. Right?... I mean, damn. Maybe I'm scared too. Would it be acceptable if I chose that action? Doubtful nowadays especially, bcuz too many options to settle. I feel that there are alot of subjects that could or should be added to school classes and/or curriculum. Like how to change a tire. How to check fluids in vehicle. I was kinda shocked to find out that I was more educated in automotive topic bcuz I was very lucky to get a very involved dad. I truly appreciate my dad's teachings.
I'd think if you're going to be rejected anyway, you may as well get it over with and reach out. Then at least you know where you stand and can move forward! Or he could just be scared and you can move forward regardless. Ultimately it's your decision!
I want to call so bad. Our relationship is little complicated. He always says I haven't done a d***thing wrong. It will be 1 month this Tuesday since I have heard from or seen him. Alot of moving parts I can't discuss.
Okay if you agree separate lives straight forward - He can't let go of actually seeing You- uses Step Grandparenting Excuse. Think takes steps to stay apart. I am cut now.
It's been two months and I'm not waiting for him. But, once in a while, I feel the attraction or connection from miles away. He seems to think of me when he needs healing, but I'm not his psychologist. In fact, his "toying with me" is something I've convinced myself is a bad sign and not the good sign of being playful or #6 on the list. It really hurt when he kissed a woman in front of me! Why should I trust him after that? I can't imagine contacting him. It's been two months. 🎉
You have a point, however, who wants a guy who is emotionally unavailable. 99% of humanity walk around with inner child trauma. Healing sets us free. Fear is just that. My clients are guided on their inner healing journey before investing in another unhealed man or woman. There are 2 types of relationships ego based (false self) once healed, you enter into a Holy Relationship.
Talking about committment, ndicates confidence and being definate in your relationship goals. It will scare the wrong guys away. Ladies don't ever be afraid of losing the wrong men. Take charge. As Jonathon says talking about committment early spares you alot of frustration and wasted time.
I think be straight up ab wanting commitment from the very beginning. The right man should come along and the wrong ones f you will not stay. Best to b honest fr begining. The right man f you will appreciate
Thank you Jonathon.If i may ask what if after I initiate a call to know what is going on and what his deeper fear is ,he just wouldn't respond.When he finally does he evades your question. what do I do next?
@@JonathonAslay No I wouldnt want to.I rather prefer getting back the same value of emotional commitment I put in a relationship or even more positively
This is the right answer. I’ve seen too many videos where people try to describe distance, silence, or hot and cold behavior as a game. It’s not. Maybe for assh#les, but it really is fear. Fear of wasting time, being undervalued, getting attached, betrayal, etc. I had a lady approach and try and casually talk to me at the gym. Whether the intention was being nice or interest, I really didn’t know what to say without fearing some repercussion that happened with another friendship or relationship. People forget to realize that fear like this doesn’t have to stem from a stereotypical past relationship. It can be from losing loved ones, seeing a friendship turn dark, or any other trauma, and they’re silence is a teeter totter between “Do I do this or do I not?”.
I agree. And I have all the compassion for this, especially bcause I myself have gone thru a divorce, lost my Mom, Dad ill, abuse, ALL in the last 3 years chock-a-block... And I have fears too, I totally get it. But letting the fear destroy the beautiful opportunity of getting to know someone good, is damaging to one self and to the other.
you know he will really like me . Yet I am not purely perfect. he might meet fall in love and be happy yet not happy as the gorgeous lady did not happen. the real looker plus that perfect understanding. RIGHT?
What does it mean when a guys insists on taking u out ? I’m sure he can ask someone else but is stuck on me for some reason. What’s the psych w those ones?
@@JonathonAslay lol that’s sweet u put itso simply. I’m out here like he ask so many times surely it’s outta spite now lol I’ve walked the metaphorical savannah therefore zebras r more common
My love in S. Africa is going through daily loadshedding in addition to 7 hr time diff. I can make it personal but try to understand. He sends me sweet goodnight texts and calls, but to my mind is not enough. I've tried to end it but keep finding my way back -- over 5 years now. He'll be visiting in April again. Immigration laws suck!
im 59 and im not that attracted to him, but he is very masculine and a good honest man, he's 58. he isnt texting or calling, so I started texting and replies very quickly always. still, he doesn't call me or text me. its been nearly 3 months now. im too afraid to ask him what sup.
What a complete BS. If a gentleman goes silent you did something disrespectful. So if you don’t apologize to him for what you did. He will take something better to do with his time.
