Why Metal Gear Solid V Is For Babies - Escort Mission 

+Shane Adulthood is killing us. Free the inner 8 year old!!

Same😂

Me too!

Totally.

my favorite is. Obesessive Pop Culture Disorder

+NOICKNOICK Concur

+najhoant I knew it did for the soldiers, I didn't know that it would effect vehicles.

+najhoant It's a tactical poo filled with nanomachines.

Mattchester all my poo is tactical poo

everything in metal gear has actual applications, everything no exceptions, do you know when you log in the game at your birthday day make you a birthday party at base? kojima is really a genius 3rd grader.

i had no idea the hore had a poo action, i just got the game

+Kevin Nguyen Lucky bastards

Not so unusual, since they're obviously a couple.

ROFL!!!

Pretty sure Michael's Bi. In one of the first episodes of After Hours it's told to us that he and Katie had sex once. So, yeah, bisexual.

That would be so amazing.

This. I wouldn't be surprised if Swaim reached Chris Prat level of success eventually.

Jack? That's not Jack O'Brien.... who is that guy?

His name is Greg irl but not sure about anyone's names in the series.

+Leedark3 Gotta admit, I cracked up too.

+Aaron Carnes You're talking about Escort Mission, right? :P

jordan i doubt you can.

@@jordaninman6032 no you can't. See, both myself and the other guy can say you don't. We might be wrong, but we for sure can tell you you can't. Cha-ching! ;)

same😂

+Krombopulos Michael Nah I watched a video on it. Yeah the guy talked kind of fast and I only remembered half of it at most but it's there.

+Krombopulos Michael MGSV is about Snake being hospitalized by haters in the comment section, and once revived, wanted revenge on the people who put him there. The person who put him there, hates the controller of the military world because he kidnapped him as a young boy and was told to put snake there, but now has a means to kill them all and free the world from military control. Not that hard. Snake > Phantom and bad guy dies.

furyberserk I mean the plot of the entire series. It's totally batshit insane. A single character article on the MGS wiki can take over an hour to read through.

+Krombopulos Michael And that's why it's amazing. There's batshit insanity and deep philosophy all at once.

Krombopulos Michael I'll make it short. During the cold war, the US sent in an agent known as "The Boss" to infiltrate a terrorist group who wanted to start WW3. Her student, "Naked Snake" was sent in to kill her and force the end of the cold war, but seeing the US as betraying a soldier abandoned them to start a nation that wouldn't use them as tools for selfish means. Because he's legendary and would get a following, the US took his DNA with the intention of cloning him to have an army of dedicated soldiers. During experimentation, they only created 3 worthy clones from their 200 tries, Solidus Snake, a perfect clone. Liquid Snake, the best genetic clone, and Solid, the clone with the worst genes. During the creation of the nation, Solid was sent in to kill his genetic father and succeeded, as well as killing Grey Fox, his best friend. Later, Grey was turned into a cyborg ninja and Solid saw the US the same as BigBoss and eventually abandoned them after killing his genetic brother Liquid whose genes were breaking down along with the other clones only leaving Solid and Solidus alive. Solidus, a former president raised a boy named Jack to be Raiden who would become the next BigBoss soldier, but he eventually meet Solid on a mission to save the president and eventually killed Solidus, his father figure only to get his gf kidnapped forcing him to serve the US secret society, becoming the 3rd cyborg ninja. With his genetic brothers dead, snake is the only remaining clone and his genes have now degraded to him aging to 68 when only 32 now to stop Liquid Ocelot, a hypnotized former agent of Bigboss who succeeded in creating his own nation. All the while, the cyborg ninja programs allowed for nano technology allowing to throw away all the psychological problems of warfare making inexperience soldiers become elites instantaneously. With Liquid Ocelot gaining the technology that controls all of the world's soldier's nano machines, he holds the entire world hostage. To save the world, Solid Snake goes on his last mission to crawl through a microwave tunnel on a ship filled with walking nuke launching machines on a deep sea diving submerine capable of launching nukes to any nation on the world, uploading a computer virus that would shut down the nano machine controlling devices and killing Liquid Ocelot. All that remained was Zero, the leader of the US artificial intelligences who commanded contingencies to ensure the world would be controlled through genetics and commands, the creator of the genetic experimentations, and the sole enemy to Bigboss, Liquid, Ocelot, Raiden and Snake, who is killed by BigBoss who was cryogenically frozen as a harvest for future clones who woke up when the nano machine technology was destroyed. Though Snake and Bigboss were once enemies, they declare themselves as brothers and go their separate ways to live out the remainder of their short lives, knowing that the future of the world is left up to the people rather than the unseen powers trying to control them. In Revengence, Raiden exists to make sure that no one else will rise to take Zero's place to control people and is doing a damn good job at it. (Bonus: Phantom in MGSV is a captured child turned into soldier who followed Zero's operations until he turned on him and tried to wipe out everyone of a tounge to ensure through numbers to kill Zero and whatever he controlled. Raiden is the same as phantom, except that in the year of his mission, Solidus knew who specifically and where Zero and the Ai were located with the mission to destroy them, however, if he did, the world's economy would be destroyed and force all nations into civil war. Phantom's plan was entirely because Zero couldn't be specifically located) The only enemy in MGS Series is Zero. And the reason it all started was to honor The Boss's final words, which both misinterpreted into their very ideals. I hope this was shorter. TL;DR The secret Illuminati run by a man named Zero spawned super soldiers who he lost control of and wanted to kill him back which took the span of 3 generations to be done, first by kidnapping, then genes, then psychological conditioning, none of which were fully successful.

+Wilhelmina Björkman Oh god. Why.

Best ending of all time!

Colossal Colonel Giant General Sizable Superior

I'm getting a venture bros. vibe

Dan R.

And it all started with Petite Private.

His name is Big Boss because he is the final boss in the very first game from 30 years ago.

ThePigeonBrain lol I doubt it. This is how I talk to my friends. Its friendship not romance.

Though I suppose its also how I talk to my girlfriend sometimes...

+Rose BPOS Thats pretty much what the internet is for. Now where's my comically oversized wooden mallet....

I'm off to start my army by knocking people out and putting balloons on them and hoping that they get to the right spot and don't freeze to death or land in the sea.

Enter Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Rapcey. Suddenly, it's not so fun anymore... for guys and gals

@@toasega Realism doesn't say you can't kill for fun...In fact, you absolutely can, and the killing itself will be fun regardless of consequence. So...

'+darthkrypton123 you wanna build a fort?

+Peex Only if we can use a ridiculous amount of pillows.

+darthkrypton123 I have my bandana on. It might works even for pillows

+Peex Yeah! Unlimited Pillow Fight Ammo!

That's why the third grader who made the game is a genius!

+Irelyn Whalen obsessive pop culture?

+blayne gower for me that's another one of their best maybe third i guess :) if there even is a heirarchy :)

+Irelyn Whalen Yeah these 2 actors really have good chemistry, the most hilarious duo in the whole crew

+David Gill fucking truth

+absourate The Russian form of Adam is stupid?

+Dan Menard "Adamska" is the feminine form of Adam is Russian. So, unless there's something else going on with Ocelot... Also, the Russiam form of Adam is actually Adam. Adamski is more a nickname.

Andrew Horn It's Ocelot, we know he's gay for Big Boss, that's basically canon.

absourate Oh I know that. My brother is gay and It hasn;'t bothered me for years. Also with regards to Ocelot, I was mostly just making a bad joke.

+Wade the Wilson Was actually expecting a refrigerator box or something. Letdown.

+jcage #mk Was thinking it too, his name as far as we know is adam, codename is revolver ocelot..

yup

But...does that make it less stupid?

+DFizzlio thier code names

+DFizzlio um yeah it's too complicated for you to understand because you've never played it and if you have you obviously didn't appreciate it

+Barry Mawonga Seriously.

What about OPCD? Today's Topic isn't too bad either, but they don't do those very often either.

What about the Spit Take? To be Honest I love all of cracked I was just trying to see if people would comment on my comment.

I said named

+leprechaunluck24 I miss Agents of Cracked

AgentWashingtub Pirates, Loot Crate, Planes.

No it's obviously N33b

we can only hope...

+DuskyPredator I know I've always loved a happy ending

+Bobby White Huh? Is it a codename for a codename?

+Bobby White So is "Bobby White."

+Bobby White it is cool codename, but gives you no tactical advantage whatsoever.

+John Yuma But then who will I call in an emergency?

No change, he should have his baby monitor, call him on that.

Ocelot did have like 5 minutes of screen time before disappearing. Everyone knows the game was mainly about Raven's sick ass gatling gun.

Cracked has always had shitty writing.

Plus he played it in college and maybe forgot that part? I don't remember the names of everyone from video games I've played. It's realistic that they don't know 100% of the stuff about the series.

+Mr. Creazil Unless he was talking about Metal Gear and Metal Gear 2 Solid Snake, in which there is no Revolver Ocelot in either (though Big Boss is. He should have known that)

I have watched every episode in hopes that one day they make out.

+Hot Dog But in one episode they say they're going to a party and n00b (I don't know his name) said he wanted to impress some girls by looking better in comparison to Michal.

Wasn't that the first episode? I think perhaps after that they caught onto how many were shipping them and decided to run with it

Bisexuality! An answer to so very many of life's questions.

CCNuck people always forget Bi people exist.

+Alaan Franklin Yeah that threw me too. Plus, there's a whole cassette tape just for his name and where it comes from. Meh, still not as glib as I thought it'd be.

I've always sensed a subtext there that they're building up to. if anyone'll do it it's cracked

+Desert My Eagle - can I help? FYI - I have a mini-fridge full of pudding... and that is not a metaphor.

+Desert My Eagle I wanna build a snowman

SparkysBarelyMusic - Do you?

The Bonesaw .. You can join if you can tell me what "lime stone" is.