#relationshipadvice #shorts #matthewhussey #estherperel #cheating @lovelife8302 • This Is Why Happy Peop... This Is Why Happy People STILL CHEAT In A Relationship... | Esther Perel & Matthew Hussey
Raymondmartin...That is bloody true!! No excuses. Loyalty is loyalty and anyting else is betrayal and lack of empathy... Spetiallycwhen the person you are with is giving everyhing for the relation to work and is apreciating her parner and making sure he knows...
Eh it's also very human and incredibly common. You might not have cheated, but if you were an incredibly desirable person who was being actively pursued by the opposite sex, in conjunction with being in an unhappy or soul sucking relationship, it's much likelier that you would cheat. If you're a guy who has never so much as been approached by a woman with interest, then yeah of course you're just going to have a simplistic 'cheating is bad mmkay' view because it's likely never even been an option for you.
@@wge621 being actively persuaded is no excuse. If you start by thinking it's enevitable because someone is showing interest in you, you just an indisciplined Unprincipled, cheater.
@wge621 I can understend people make mistakes...But I dont accept somebody having a "lover" for years or a few months...spetially if the partner they have is fantastic in every area, including grate sex.... Then the cheater is gridy and angrateful. And horrible to his partner that knows and is suffering whilst hoping the nightmare will end one day... You stay with him because you love him.
I disagree with her idea that it’s ALWAYS easier to get out than to stay and fix things. I think it’s harder for some to leave. They’d rather stay than face the terrifying unknown; so they remain in abusive or toxic relationships that they SHOULD escape from. I don’t think anyone should ever cheat. They should get out if they know nothing will ever get better because they’ve tried everything (give to counseling and fixed themselves to save the relationship and it’s still not enough) …the other person refuses to stop being abusive. Cheating should never happen.
That’s the issue. When you’re in it you hold out hope of “maybe this time”. Last I checked, no one had a crystal ball to see exactly where things were going, nor do we often have the foresight to see patterns as they are occurring. I agree that it shouldn’t ever happen, but there are other betrayals in relationships that don’t involve another person or an affair either emotional or imagined. There’s a lot of space between “shouldn’t” and “doesn’t”, and a lot of nuance in between. Where there is hurt, there can be healing, and putting in the work of rebuilding something that you destroyed and owning it takes a lot of humility and effort. Staying without consequence or ownership of the pain you caused is different to what she’s saying when she says that staying is harder than leaving.
You R thinking emotionaly & it sounds profound (wrong). Things happen for whatever reason & cheating as life has shown us is get overable, (meaning there R countless examples where both genders cheated on the opposite sex & they have worked on it & stayed together until the end). If life shows U both sides the good & the bad. Keep your Absolutes to yourself do not put your personal Absolutes in the pot of general life & relationships. All of us need to 🛑 grandstanding & 🛑 medling in the afairs of people's relationships and hearts. All we should do is give neutral non-biased advice & help them make the best decision for their life once all facts R on the table only thinking of the best outcome for that individual situation. Keep your personal feelings & absolutes to yourself & just help them both the cheater & the one that hot cheated on.
@@davidmwilliams7052 They way U all talk is like hate. I cannot speak for every situation (there R people N some really bad situations). The majority of U R not. Your selfish spoiled & entitled (some not all) & U will screw everything up just cause U can
There's nothing easy about being on either side of this equation. Staying is hard. Leaving is hard. You have to decide if the lemon is worth the squeeze.
Yes ha ha 😂 . It seems I like squeezing 🍋 🍋 🍋 . I have always done that in every area of my life. I don't give up easily. I used to have loads of patience but at my 55 I feel I am running out.
@AlexanderBrooks0001 Yes true. Very easy excuse to solve things by being no loyal and making things worse. If every one slept around because of what you say We aaall would cheat. What a mess.!!
it is easier to repent and less painful to leave than staying in denial and being abused it may be harder some time to leave but it is more rewarding to leave and live especially if it is two females she will kill you the male will most of the time just beat you up
I knew I was being cheated on, but stayed, for a long time. The thought of losing connections with the people I had met through him was too much for me. This may sound crazy, but I had a dream I was having a great hair day, but I then discovered I had a big piece of gum stuck in the back of my hair. The only way to remove it was to shave my entire head. It was a horrible nightmare and I remember waking up crying. It was so symbolic of my life. One thing was ruining this wonderful life I had achieved, and the reality that I would lose everything due to this one horrible person became very clear to me.
I’m sorry to interfere and I’m just curious, could you not still have those people in your life that you met through him (which I’m assuming were his friends) because you created a separate connection and bond with them that might’ve been through him but it was developed by your personal understanding with those people? If you meant meeting his family members through him then I can understand losing connections with them
@@noamaanahmad1595 his brother, his mother, his father, his children (the hardest of all), plus a few of his friend’s wives. If you’ve every been divorced, you’ll understand how each party gets certain people in the break-up.
@@lauuura I’m sorry to hear that, it can be hard being lonely and losing people who you made a genuine bond with is tough, I’ve lost friends and a partner this year as well due to certain issues. I hope you feel better soon :)
If people put as much energy in their relationship with their spouse as the do men or woman, there would be no cheating. No excuse to betray your spouse in that way. I didn’t even do that to a spouse who mistreated me. It’s the deepest form of betrayal. My motto: if you go there, don’t bother coming back home to me. I refuse to run to check up on you and I won’t play the jealousy game. Stuff of that nature always comes out in the end.
@@esterriesparabe that sounds just about right. A lot of people forget you have to love yourself . Then forgive yourself all you gotta do is ask God for what you want he give to you. So be very specific on how you ask .( God to let his will be done ) and he will. give you what u want.
@latashahumphrey769 Thanks for reminding me...May be I should be more specific in what I ask? I sometimes I have the impression God already knows what I'd like...In fact God gave me so many things I wished in my life. But ok I will take your advise. Thanks my friend 💋 😘 😊
@@esterriesparabe just say you were to say I want a apple but if you didn't ask for that apple to be given red and he give u apple and it's green lol 😂 you gone say I got the apple it ain't the color I want then God tell you ask me for that apple 🍎🍏 but you say what color. That example was probably corny but u get the point.
I understand thus. I can completely understand why a person would cheat when they have expressed their needs and their partner isn't listening or trying to fix anything. You have kids, house, family, ect and it's too much collateral damage to leave. HOWEVER I personally would give my partner an ultimatum, either I need to get my needs met outside of this relationship or you need to work with me to fix this. If they choose to leave that's on them because you tried your best to break through to them. I will not suffer more in a unfulfilling relationship so you can suffer less in denial about your part in my suffering. Period!
Some people cheat because the person they are cheating with makes their egos feel so good! And the endorphins they get at the risk of getting caught is addictive! My husband of 40 years repeatedly had long term affairs. The first one was a “client” of his and that was all ego driven. The second one owned property in a n Hawaii and he wanted to live in her house 😂 Narcissist’s are a whole another breed of cheaters than the run of the mill “I am not happy in my marriage” kind of person 😢
I get a lot of responses on my dating profile from married men and I do speak with them, because I want to know why. Sometimes it’s boredom, or they are narcissistic, but sometimes it’s because the wife hasn’t touched them in 20 years.
@@Agrillot6i agree and is understendable when a man cheats when his woman cant be bothered with sex...anything else is greedyness. WHEN SOMEBODY TRULLY LOVES AND APRECIATES THEYR PARTNER, THEY DONT NEED TO LOOK OUTSIDE. I know that because when i loved someone i didnt see other men. And the same happened with my first long term partner. He never looked another woman whilst with me. And it made me feel reallyvgood and proud if him. We are not togeder because we had different goals in life
Something that rings true is that sometimes people feel like they have said something so many times and it’s not being responded to. Sometimes cheating is about being selfish, other times it shows something is wrong with the relationship and there needs to be work done to save it
I am not going to give up on my ideas to end this relationship because I had enough being suffered regourously not from one but two beforehand this. mostly what made upsetting me I had been depending on pills for over 3 decades on same kind of cheated bogus disgusting disguised relationships which I have nothing of responsibility's to engaged with them. I have decided to live on my own without the help of others leaving my karma to decide what direction I am driving towards. so I beg you guys I don't try yourself mending or fixing my mind where I don't belong myself or work on my consents over others intentions of using me in a mean way.
@susanirizarry5171 of corse not an I started believing is because they provably think is difficult to find someone that will trully love them as much as to forgive infidelity . I m always talking and complaining about men that cheat by taking a long term lover. Or the ones that go with different women all the time. Spetially when at home they have a grate woman in every sense and in all departments. . :-)
I have cheated on my relationship & so has he mine was more painful then his was but still cheating is cheating no matter the form & i feel ashamed, guilty, horrible for my own actions & we are still together been for 10 years now & i havent hurt him since my poor choices & mistakes!! I learned from them & we both lost a daughter. If you are willing to fight for your relationship & make things work from past choices thats better than just throwing the relationship away. I have never cheated on anyone before my current & idk why i honestly dont he is a good man & i regret my choices & decisions ive made in the past & im working to better myself for him & us being together & being a family
Watch The Story of Us, Michelle & Bruce. Cheating is maladjustment. The reason behind, 2 people don't match, 2 people match but do not have relational skills. First one, they should be honest, leave, before getting a new one, this is acceptable than half love. Second one, they should be honest, stay, should never get a new one, forgive each other coz no one is perfect, it's about maintenance, consistency, playfulness, humility, freedom.
Robert Green says-, "Nobody ever does anything once," ....so the truth is they were always a cheater you just weren't paying attention or dismissed it or excused it or didn't see them for who they really were bc you were too caught up in the fantasy bc of your own issues...always stick to the truth and reality ...don't let your imagination and fantasy thinking run your life bc it will destroy it.
Whatever the reason might be .... nowadays women don't date anymore.... women realised sooner or later the man will become abusive, cheater etc and choose to avoid the whole drama avoid the whole crisis and instead women focus more on their goals themselves not to sacrifice themselves anymore
I understand and can accept flirting when someone is so insecure that need external validation, but that, i find it so unsexy!! I never had to do that. I met guys that flirted with me In moments where I was feeling down an ugly and I recognise it gave me a boost, but I did not flirt back nor cheeat because I love my partner and I am so loyal it seems....
Some people stay because their lifestyle 🤑 will change drastically . 2 incomes provide a lot of benefits. Some are afraid of being single/alone so they stay, cheat and deal with whatever they've been accustomed to dealing even when they KNOW that they are the MAIN CHARACTER PROBLEM!!
You are right. But a relationship is not just sex. And I just cannot be compared to a relationship which lasted 41 years before she took her own life. As he cheated all te time on her. She took it. And went down as he beat her down continously psycholigically. When she took to alcohol, family + friends took her down. Nobody looked at what he was doing. She lived on through a toxic relationship. For 41 years. He is agnostic, disrespectful and uses my refusal to build the empathy he needs from that same circle of friends (enablers) who he buys presents for. Yes, my partner of 4 months is expecting that I give in to a pervert relationship. No, no and no. I want a clean, exclusive man who respects me. It is hard to find the words. It takes time. I have the time. I do not have a problem with trust. I have confiance in myself. I love what I am, even if I may seem demoded in this world today. Not interested in falsehood, fake relationships and lies. Esther, I love your postings. But leave the relationship if it is hurting you. You deserve more, something like spiritual growth. You deserve this avenue. Leave a sordid life behind. Just be you. And choose Life. Without crises.
There is a story in the Bible about 2 demons which Jeses sent to a pig sty. The pigs ran out and threw themselves over a cliff. Yes, they preferred suicide. This poor woman who had been my ex-boyfriend's first wife for 41 years ended her life. But not before putting the house and vacation home in the children's names. What a winner ! Today, he expects a similar 'respect' pattern in a no- marriage 'friendship' relationship from me and from other women. It is totally perverse. As he deals in black magic as well to get his means. He carefully keeps the truth from everyone, only presenting his victim act. I have left him.
That's true. My left Partner was a very long relationship and the time was hard for me , because she reject all and says she will burn my house if she has to do something special. Then I have a following new relationship for a half year.
...she said it ....some , just cannot go , cause of the whole system ....you dont live a life ....there is not a solution to cheat, when unhappy....this talk here soznds like a cage, a grave ....so stay snd maybe give just your money , support so all have their life and smile... I am not at all for cheaters.. not at all ...but to remain in such cage , is also not right ....if one wants out, they should be able and allowed to break out of this .....its again all about money isnt it ? I saw enough...most stay cause of that system support .....then i really understand those kind of cheaters ....
❗People cheat because the OTHER person has ASSURED them that they're NOT going anywhere, they're willing to take WHATEVER is thrown at them and they're in it for the long haul❗ That alone is a green light for someone to take advantage of you and take you for granted. You becoming boring and cheating becomes his hobby. He knows you'll always be home after cheating.
@@jeanannedupratt7075 Those type women who are willing to endure a lot, they're in it for the long haul. They prefer to suffer because they think endurance is love.
My ex lost his job, I supported us until he figured out his next move. He cheated a month after. Idk what that means but I haven’t been ok since honestly. Idk who to trust
I’ll never buy that people cheat to preserve their relationships. She’s a good public speaker, but her books and talks are used as an excuse to normalize cheating no matter what she intends.
Cheating is already normal. A taboo, of course, but common. Universally condemned and universally practiced. History shows us that. Understanding it and learning to dissect it is how we learn to heal from it and move from that traumatic experience into a growing phase.
Please dont tell your children your personal biased thoughts. Give the next generation hope. We have 70-80 years on this planet & no generation or culture has put an end to cheating anywhere on this planet. Life is going to fukk all of us up. Lets start teaching the next generation how to fight, deal, forgive, walk in grace, persevere & work through all tough situations always searching for the best outcomes for there own particular situation. Life has shown us all cheating is not the end of love. Not the end of trust & that we dont love the one we cheated on. Your personal experience does not speak nor apply to all. The facts are the facts some couples can work it out & some couples can't. But we all should keep our individual absolutes to ourselves. We must give non-biased feedback & information & help both the cheater & the one that got cheated on make the best decision for their particular love of each other in their situation not ours. Lets start to fight for love, grace, forgiveness & 2nd & 3rd chances. Lets put an end to the gender war. Lets rebuild what is broken.
The only time I might understend that a man cheats or a woman, is because they dont get sex with their partners. But I find sad that the lover is only wanted for that... Is very inmature and unsexy unloyalty. People that cheat are selfish because they use two people and make them believe they might get to keep the guy and neither of them are happy...
Before you cheat, Sit down and have an honest conversation. Tell your partner, I am ready to find somebody else. I'm at the point where I'm like fuck it.
It's the whole system you're cheating. And who suffers the most, the children. So before you decide on cheating think of the consequences. Because there's no going back.
A GOOD QUESTION ON CHEATERS THAT JUSTIFI THEMSELVES IN SAYING THEY ARE DOING NOTHING WRONG IN HAVING A LOVER....IF THEY HAD A DOUGHTER WOULD THEY LIKE THAT THEIR DOUGHTER'S PARTNER WOULD CHEATE ON HER??? OR THE SAME ABOUT THEIR MOTHER??? IF ANYBODY SAYS YES THEN THEY ARE NARCISSIST. NO SEXY AT ALL!!!
Cheat doesn’t solve anything but make things even worst. 🙄This kind of thinking is diabolical. Please, Love is the answer, understanding, patience etc.. will follow.
😂she can say whatever she wants to justify that. A cheater a has no morals, no values, no respect for the relationship, their partner and themselves, no loyalty and because they are lacking as a person and self entitled
a person will cheat because he has needs a hole in his soul and heart and one person can't fill it so he gets different things from each one but still is unsatisfied they have a smile but live in misery a prison he can't get out of and hopes the next one can free him
Wife don't know how to keep the men,so they are entitled to leave,what is the point be with someone you don't love?? Go and stay in jail,it's same! Who cares,kids,house,cars,money,you don't love the person,leave!!!
@@anne-marieashdownbrandstro1235 She is for me bc she twists the perception of Love...and truth! Cheating is wrong. If you think thats not true, you are weird too. Thats why you perceive her as not weird.
And then the cheater is crying later In regret and to cloud the minds of others. Get some bullshit pity to justify their bad behavior. It’s a waste of time to be a coward and a costly one.
My husband chested as he was into kinky sex which he kept secret and he was an addict so hot involved with online stuff I can’t go with you in all you say about this He was also bi sexual
I think she talks from a place of reality that these thing’s do happen and overall if married or in a long term relationship, there’s a lot to consider before making a decision and the consequences of leaving or staying, her narrative may not be on trend but there’s perspective in what she says. Her approach may also be more catered to the European mindset than Americans
Whoa look at the comments. Classic. Critical thinking is always poorly greeted by dogma. Your deliberate attitude to define the motivation behind cheating is the rigidity that will kill the long-term chances of any relationship you have. Stop being idiotic. Pay attention to your partner or don't waste anyone's time. Also, maybe try to build the resilience to be confident you can handle betrayal. Maybe that way you'll grow up for once.
