Why Traumatized People Struggle With Friendships (and How You Can Heal) 

It's very hard to learn to trust people again or to put yourself out there when you've gone through abuse... But I think your videos are helping people out of their shells again ☀️☀️☀️

You can sense when people don’t like you. You can also sense negative and jealous people. Don’t ignore your intuition. Don’t let anyone tell you that your trauma is making you paranoid. You will get yourself into trouble not listening to your gut.

Sometimes just showing up at the local coffee shop and saying hello can be enough social contact for me.

I get depressed in big groups of woman. I usually get the hell out of there. Love my own company. I don’t crave friendships.

"if it weren't for the crumbs I'd have nothing". Completely heartbreaking that so many of us are in the same spot. 😢

I’m done people pleasing or apologizing for who I am. Take me or leave me. I’m secure in myself and am cultivating a love relationship with myself. ❤🎉😊

I have zero friends from the past. I’m ok with this. These people were toxic people and so was I. When I look back, I wish I had learned healthy boundaries, but I didn’t know. I give myself grace and the people in my past. I forgive them and myself. Do I want to go back “there”? No! I’ve outgrown these friendships. I’m looking for new friends who have similar interests, are healthy and fun. I go to my therapist for the hard stuff…not my friends.

I was blind and didn’t see how toxic my friends were for 25 years. My “best” friend broke up me and my boyfriend. Went on to sleep with him, and his best friend. Started a smear campaign, skipped out on rent, wrote nasty songs about me and played it for mutual friends. Toxic group. This year, I cut them all off. :) Fast forward I try several church groups and continually have older women degrade and belittle me publicly. For those wounded souls; you’re going to get rejected and possibly be bullied. You can leave. You can find your tribe. I’m still looking but have hope for the future. Keep working on healing that inner child and those rejections stop hurting so much.

In my 50's and I still struggle with friendships.

I learned that the "foggy" feeling is us disassociating, leaving our bodies- like we did in our childhood or during abuse. Part of lingering CPSTD!!

I have always had the problem where I jump in too quickly, before I get to really know these people and then have to extricate myself out of what often turns out to be, a toxic dynamic.

When I look back at my childhood, I can see that sabotaging friendships was a way to push people comfortably away.

Losing my mother at age 5, being bullied in junior high, abused by my husband, and still being bullied by even strangers. I am like the weak one in the pack. Everyone can sense it and the bullies let me know it. I am 75 years old. I cannot change the bullies but I can change how I react to them.

I let people in & I get disappointed every time. I just feel better with a couple friends that I’m really close to

I love how you explained how playing it safe can cause a person to become selfish/ self centered.. I find these people to difficult to be around.

I don’t know Anna, I’ve had a lifetime of forced & active engagement - overcoming my desire to isolate. Now retired and definitely “getting weird.” Torn between forcing myself to stay at least on the edges of community & fake normalcy or finally become that crazy old lady on 50 acres with a pack of dogs and a shotgun. 😂😂😂

I’m 52 and I have zero friends.. I’m very friendly and social if I have to be but I cannot form lasting friendships or relationships. I ghost people especially if I feel not seen or heard. I’m divorced three times, have been no contact with family for two decades and I just have given up on humans

I did learn to make friends. Can only do one on one. Can only have a few good friends. Takes years to trust anyone.

This was great information. People around me 99% were co-workers wanted to be included, but brought NOTHING to the group, never wanted to put any money into anything or help plan, it was always me that supplied everything, I walked away from all of them, I found them to be nothing more than users. Anybody else see a lot of co-workers are users? I am happier being alone.

The pandemic allowed me to experience being alone without judgement from myself or others. It was freeing. I have a few people in my life that I enjoy seeing, but mostly I would prefer to be by myself. I'm 72 and single. I have been married twice and in a serious relationship without marriage. There were benefits to those relationships, but there were more problems than pluses. I've had many friendships through the years. Almost all of them have died or moved away. I still miss some of my closer friends, but those are relationships that could not be replaced. I did try. I'm fine with that now. Your advice is usually really good, but not so much on this point. As we get older, we don't have the need for other people that we once had. It's not that we completely lose the need for others, but it significantly diminishes. That's normal and needs to be addressed. Older people will naturally lose their friends and family members to death and relocation. Visiting becomes more difficult. We don't need to be shamed or told we need to want more contact. Maybe we need more support to be happy as we are. So far, this is the best part of my life. I wish the same for you.

This. My childhood trauma comes from being bullied...These videos are immensely healing. 💖 Thank you.

Carla’s letter made me tear up because I feel her loneliness and pain. I’m 70 and am certain it’s too late for me to correct the damage done. I do appreciate the understanding I’ve gained via your videos. ❤

You're literally a life saving boat channel on RU-vid and the value of what you do and in the way you do it (no pushing, no trying to sell s**t all the time, no fake online character, etc) feels so refreshing and healing. A huge thank you all the way from Brazil from a struggling Spirit.

I think sometimes it's really hard to not give people the silent treatment. 😕 The thought alone of communicating with someone who has hurt me sometimes is just to painful to bear. I'm 53 years old, but inside I still feel like a teenager, it's my deteriorating body that reminds me I'm a middle aged person.😔

Groups attract narcissists tho. I really hope Anna reads the comments from folks who share avout how rampant it is. A lot of us got into groups where a covert narc had or got control of the group. It repeats what a lot of us dealt with in childhood. The narc abuse didnt relent, and we left for our own sanity. It was another thing to survive.

I am really struggling. I went from having a large community (many unwell addicted people) to being completely isolated. My father abandoned me at childbirth and has again abandoned me after 10 years of solid building. My mother was sick a lot of my childhood and had an emotionally and verbally abusive, sometimes physical, fiancé from my ages of 8-18. I always knew I was traumatized by these things but as my mental health has seen some scary extremes over the last few years I have really started to understand the severity of the damage my parents caused me. I have always had friends, sexual partners, big social groups, but it’s almost as if as soon as I started to see my problem that’s when people started to back away. The last couple years have been a tangle of addiction, while also trying to evolve in my mental health at the same time. It’s been not so fruitful as you could imagine. I have finally in the last 6 months really begun to hack my chemical codependencies and have essentially removed all the toxic ties.. But this leaves me alone. I used to work in hospitality but now I work from home so I spend a lot of time by myself, and now that I don’t drink or party I am sort of at a loss for how to meet new friends. No exaggeration but in the last year I have lost about 15 important relationships to me…all when I was doing my best to get better.. People just can’t understand the depth of my pain. It feels like every subtle breeze is an assault. I’m triggered by everything. Everything you say is spot on for me. I am doing well in my life, I’m working a serious job and I’m doing well, I have a car and my own apartment and I finally can set goals. I am in therapy, I meditate and I have picked up running again. But there are so many hours in the day. And the pain of feeling like nobody can see me, and that nobody wants to..it just envelops me. I don’t deserve this and I don’t know how to escape. I appreciate you so greatly for doing this work because you are helping me understand. I’ll continue to watch. Love to everyone, especially those who feel the same way I do.

I had some really nasty experiences during the covid times where people seemed to suddenly turn on me. Ever since then, I keep myself to myself. I have tried to make friends, but I find people seem so strange lately, somebody will be my friend one minute then totally disappear the next. I would like to have friends again, but I would prefer to be alone than keep getting hurt by people.

Included but accepted for who I am. And I feel like I have to work extra hard to seem normal around people and can’t relax until I go home because who I am isn’t a personality that people accept. So instead I mimic who I’m around which is exhausting. Socializing is exhausting.

40 yrs ago, I ran into the same situation with a friend in high school and I learned a lifelong lesson. She was partying, drugs, seeing jerks, and she wasn't even happy. I suggested she hang around with other people (me) and not long after she dropped me as a friend and continued to see the jerks. I found out later through other friends that she had regretted the path she took. I'm not sure what happened, but I suspect she got a lot of attention from acting out and actually liked it. Despite her complaints, I was interfering with her "vibe" and she probably felt ashamed around me because I was judgmental. She liked the drama until it left her destitute. Now, I was absolutely right that she shouldn't have hung around those people, but that doesn't mean she should be required to hang around me either. People have the right to make their own mistakes and it's generally a bad idea to interfere with that. Now, I just say be careful, but I don't stand in their way.

Wow I am not alone in the craziness. It seems like we are attracted to people who will take advantage of us. Who has no problem brushing off the friendship.

Personally I get triggered by groups because they bring out the worst in people. Mob mentality, singling out people who somehow stick out and don't conform to treat like crap. I despise herd mentality and feel like non-traumatized happy people tend to be very prejudiced and judgemental, also intellectually lazy - they don't bother to really THINK about what they say/do. I was bullied for somehow being "different" since kindergarten and as an adult I avoid groups. I feel sad that nearly everyone just wants to do small talk and not really get to know others. I left the last group I was a part of (a choir, which in fact I had even co-founded) because there was a lot of manipulation, victim blaming (concealed as "social justice") and so much stupidity that I couldn't stand it anymore. I was also made to feel invisible (another big trigger for me) and got no credit for my contributions. I could tell a lot of people disliked me without knowing anything about me because I have "weird and dark vibes". Also, nobody ever shows interest in getting to know me despite me ACTIVELY approaching them for a conversation. Now, I only trust other traumatized people who are determined to be healthy. People who have never felt decades of the worst pain are too superficial/shallow for me to feel happy around them, and they seem like little children with their Pollyanna outlook on life. I prefer to hang out with individuals, not groups. I never feel like a genuine part of communities consisting of "normal" people , but I have found "my kind of people" based on shared values and morals, which also are a result of experience. That's much better imo than just trying to be a part of just any group.

Oh to have had the teachings from the Crappy Childhood Fairy for free by RU-vid when I was struggling at 20 years of age with relationships in the 1980s!!! 30 years later I am finally understanding where my life went so wrong with all my friendships!!! Thank you Anna for your amazing wise videos Love you💕 xxx

It is not always about what you're doing. Sometimes groups just don't want you in there, or don't want you on healthy terms (e.g. you're only "welcome" if you buy stuff or plan events, etc.) Not everything can be fixed. Claiming otherwise is gaslighting.

My last BFF turned on me and viciously attacked me, claiming I "wasn't there for" her, when I literally bent over backwards to accommodate her, despite my having poor health and a full-time job, while she had a husband to support her and help her. I had just gone through a break-up of a 10-yr live-in abusive relationship which left me emotionally exhausted. I'm not proud of how I acted, but I was so crushed by her accusations that I just completely abandoned the friendship. I am pretty close with my adult kids and grandkids, despite distance, but I have been unable to have a close female friend OR a romantic relationship with a man, in the ten years hence. I'm 60 and sick and too damn old to be hurt, over and over again, by people I love and trust.

I love your metaphor of not going after a friendship like "a bee to pollen" . That made me smile because in the past I have had people try to befriend me in this way and that is what it felt like ,so I dismissed them. Because of CPTSD I felt like they were too needy and it triggered me and reminded me of just how needy I was as a child ,and I didn't like that reminder. Also you've answered my longtime question I've had on why co workers seemed to betray me by remaining aloof and distant , then creating untruths about me. Because of CPTSD I must have came across to them as "flat" and self centered because I didn't ask them about themselves . I didn't ask them because that would mean an investment would then be required of me to maintain a relationship with them ,when I had no idea even how to go about it ,and unsure if I even wanted to take the risk. They could abandon me if I did! This makes sense to me now. Thank you.

when you get burned by people in your group (i.e. substitute family) that you respected and trusted deeply, that is additional trauma and causes one to retreat to the back 80% in the next group...

You helped me understand myself but I’m introvert and for me is exhausting having close friends. Already I see myself as a weirdo 🙄

This is SO me Im so isolated its 100% me

Yeah I became super isolated over time but its because I realized that I never fit in because I was already weird and I got tired of revictimizing myself everytime I tried to join a group or "fit in" I've never been "normal" I've never "fit in" and there is a lot of peace that comes with acceptance and not trying anymore. I enjoy solo hobbies and my own company. I am just inundated with pain at this point from relationships and I am not looking to tip the scales any further. This is a new boundary.

Me getting out going to the store , gas station, post office is all the interaction I need with people. I’ve done the groups, they are not for me. I am happier now because I am in control of who I am around.

Never had a problem making friends. Yet, unfortunately is hard to find people who are on the same page, and some folks can't be trusted and are just haters, so I have to be very careful and selective who I open up to, cuz I got screwed over way too many times when I was too friendly and open. And Of course, there are levels of friendships. I have close friends and acquaintances, so I limit the information I give to certain people. Like I said, I know tons of people, yet I'm only close to few. And yes, isolation is not good. Is about having a good balance of different levels of friendships. Be friendly but keep your boundaries well established.

I have friends and family but nobody has time to listen. I’ll call and try but they immediately get on to their own problems and I don’t get another word in. Started a heartfelt conversation with my brother and his wife grabbed the phone and mumbled something and hung it up. Felt kind of rejected. People will call on me when they need, but never reciprocate. So I am used to surviving all crises alone. It seems to be my fate. Rejection is painful. I don’t seek it out any more. We come into this world alone. We go out alone.

I am finding I am outgrowing some of my friends as I work more on emotional regulation and functioning better in the day-to-day. I am beginning to see that the things I thought I wanted out of friendships, are not what I really desire as much anymore. This puts me in a position to want to connect with different people and I am taking a shot at it more often.

I have to limit watching your videos to one a week, because actually letting some of these concepts sink in takes a little time for me. I think it's good medicine though. Thank you ❤

I'm a friendly person but struggle with getting close or letting others get close. So, the information you shared in this video helps me a lot!❤

I become friends with women and they either turn out to be toxic/mean/abusive/selfish or at the first sign of conflict I get super triggered and decide to never talk to them again. Or I start conflicts over petty reasons and then decide to never talk to them again. It is hard but I’m not losing hope. I love friendship. I actively try to make new friends all the time, by asking girls I work with to hang out. It’s hard because I’m 25 and a lot of people have established friendships and groups, but sometimes I get lucky and get super close to one. It just hasn’t tended to last, yet, because of the reasons I shared.. as always, I’m actively working on my trauma recovery and I know things will improve. At least I have one solid best friend who’s there with me through thick & thin, though she lives a few hours away now, I’m forever grateful I have her.

This is totally for me. I moved to Dallas from NY by myself during the pandemic. I became awkward, bitter, and a people hater. And clingy to those I actually liked. However, now I’m working on getting out and making real connection.

Carla you are not too dumb to live. Please give yourself grace, you were in survival mode while others could be themselves in a safe environment for your life. I’m struggling too. You are not alone.

I identify! I'm nice to every one and people like me but no one will be my friend😞 I have accepted that I'm just weird and spent a life time accepting it. At 56, I've only had male friendships so getting accused of having affairs came with it, which broke my spirit and I decided people suck🥺. I live in my oblivion and have hobbies to keep myself too busy to socialize or clean my house.

Sometimes groups are a crapfit. Leaving them is a personal victory.

I really love that Anna does NOT stop telling the truth because people complain or don't like it. So many elements of life have become phony and weak because these days we are not allowed to challenge one another or tell the truth AT ALL. The fragile has tried to rule the day. But there are those of us who do not mind the swift boot! Thank you Anna for offering it. As Jesus says "He who has ears let him hear". (Matthew 11:15)

6:15 benefits of showing up 6:27 isolation detriment 7:05 awkwardness

I’ve never liked groups, and even in smaller friendship groups, I wind up being the one left out. So I just exclude myself a lot of the time through past experience

I SO appreciate this compilation and the beautiful ways you discuss the content and then speak to those who wrote in to you letters seeking assistannce. Thank you for the compassion, the support and the honesty in you being you and the ways you kindly show and express that in your videos. You speak to people, not at them-you care. We see it, we feel it, it's beautiful and so are you.

Belonging might be nice. But if the groups are cliques you are better off outside them.

Reading challenging books - Eureka! I read fantasy. Out of a group of a dozen people (all new to me, met at a hotel where I stayed) I met one guy I particular like and trust...He also reads fantasy n Sci-fi. I'm friends with him now. I even told him about my experience with my Crappy Childhood Fairy. He's very supportive and respectful of my desire to be friends only. I've told him bits about my abusive relations and he's been really cool. I took a chance. So far, so good. Thank you CCF😉

It’s so funny I was thinking about this exact topic last night after I had a fight with my close friend and I was so close to throwing everything all away. This morning I also realized I had an issue with being close with co-workers and being part of a work environment group. Thank you for this timely message and to all those who are struggling with long term commitment I pray it gets easier for you and you become stronger through this awareness.

This is a good video, and has been something that I have been struggling with. It's nice seeing this being addressed as it is not a popular topic. I want to be social. I want to connect with people. I used to be these things inspite of the trauma of my childhood. It is in the past few years that I find it overwhelming and tiring. I seem to attract the users, abusers, and losers in life. That has made me put up walls and be suspicious of people because people seem to only want to be "my friend" when I can do things for them. I'm finding myself isolating more, and of course being lonely. Sigh.

Struggling even now I think why bother. Because people will abuse you one way or another. Hence for me being alone I can be happy by myself. This way I focus on my health and well being. So far when I reach out and get rebuffed over and over again its just sad and makes me depressed. Thus I am re-learning what my joy comes from. I don't need to be a part of others to be happy. I'll reclaim my joy. I only have one to Thank and no person on this Earth.

Shallow connections take a toll. So true.

Most of us, in most situations, will decide that it is far more important for others to like us than it is for us to do whatever it takes to like ourselves. In other words, when attachment is chosen, respect and acceptance from others is held in much higher regard than self-respect and self-acceptance pretty much all the time. In both my personal life and in my work with addicted and people-pleasing clients, I have often seen this to be true I like who I am today (most days!) - and even with my imperfections, I enjoy my own company. I now intersperse my alone time with other people who also like themselves, who don’t feel they have to be anything other than who they are in order to feel connected with me. And I believe, without a doubt, that this is a vitally important reason that I’ve been able to make the choice to remain clean and sober for so many years, one (sometimes difficult) day at a time Today, I truly would rather be at home reading a riveting book or watching a favorite TV show than be with people I have to do a dance for in order to be included. Although attachment still matters to me, of course - I’m human, and we are programmed to need that sense of belonging - I no longer believe I have to betray and abandon myself in order to get it. I now have people in my life who love and cherish me just as I am - which is almost as wondrous a gift as being able to love and cherish myself

Hi this is something, making true friendships and avoiding triggers, is where I am right now. I hate being an outsider but listening to you will help me. My therapy is taking a lot out of me right now but I gather this is because I'm getting somewhere. Thank you for all your videos, you are very straight forward

I am a performing artist. Yet it happens a lot that I work in a group of other performers and feel invisible to the others. Someone shares a story and we all burst with laughter. I share a story, and someone starts talking over me or it goes totally unnoticed and so I go quiet and just sit there, wondering what I should have done different. I don't give up and try again. And it either works or not. And all this time I know that the people around me actually appreciate me and like me as a person. So what goes wrong? What do I do wrong? Will I ever know? Can I ever feel like an 'equal' in a group?

I have a multitude of trauma, but being bullied by other students with staff members watching it all and not stopping it was one of them. I’ve never been the same, I’ve always had “one foot in, one foot out” with friendships and its terrible because I know I’ve missed out on so much but I can’t stop “protecting” myself. I feel so alienated and terrible about myself

This has been my experience: When women are talking to me and a few other women they will rarely, if at all make eye contact with me. Also, when I do befriend a woman, and if I show any weakness, like insecurity she will start to treat me different. She'll start belittingling me in small ways, talking down to me in small ways. I don't like women very much. I was verbally abused by my mom and physically abused by my sister. Women can tell when another woman is insecure and will run with it. If they think you won't stand up for yourself they'll come after you with gloves on! I'm learning to defend my self and I've noticed when I do, they have backed down. They are like a wild animal, looking for prey.

This is so very complicated. Women are not always fun to be with. They are sometimes really gossipy and can get catty especially if there is a leader that likes to control everyone. It’s hard to navigate this crap. I’m not a beginner and I have always had friends but I am literally done taking shit off of anyone. Like I’m not having it and I will speak-up. Guess people don’t like to be called out.

The timing on this is amazing. It's like a sign or something. I literally am about to end a friendship due to bread crumbing and now i'm confused about making other friends because ive always had issues with them. This friendship that i'm ending was a very close friendship but there has been so many issues and ive tried fixing it. They aren't a bad person but they got issues that they need to work out by themselves. My trust is broken and now i'm just confused about letting people back in...

I guess it just hasn't been my experience that being accepted is so easy. I've tried to join groups and foster friendships only to be rejected. I honestly don't know why other than to say MOST people are just surface friends and I have zero energy for that. I give way too much to take that from anyone.

I really have a hard time with the attitude most people seem to have when they say things like, “if someone wants you in their life then they will show it”. I desperately want in my life, more than ever, all the people that I’ve managed to isolate myself from over the last year especially. I don’t WANT this. I don’t enjoy this feeling of loneliness I’ve brought upon myself. It’s just my subconscious gained too much power and runs most the show at the moment. And so my FEARS of abandonment (irrational as I’m consciously aware they are) are more than my PAIN of loneliness. So of the two unwanted feelings, loneliness is the lesser… for now

"Interdependence is the key; enlightened interdependence." William S. Burroughs

I agree. My brother used to think that it was odd that I would come to parties, be extremely social, and then back off and withdraw into my own world. I felt like I just wasted too much of my energy. However, I really enjoy that right group socializing. It is so fullfilling and so healthy and so healing. We do also have to vibe with the right people. It is also about that. Sometimes it really is about not finding the right match.

Agggh!! I hated ' groups' as long as i can remember. This totally resonates with me.

My true friends are 20-30 years older than me. My favorite patients are elderly. Was I looking for things my mom didn't have? Was I looking for maturity I didn't have? Funny thing is, these older 'friends' actually are very unresolved too.

I'm so scared to be anywhere other than the periphery that I get physically panicky when others notice and actually take an interest in me because I cant sustain that interest- the closer they get the more incredibly insane my inner world becomes: tumultuous emotions attached to debilitating fear leading to presumed rejection and self-condemnation. Worse: having anyone else be witness to that process outside of me and trying to explain that while I'm trying to understand myself and why my internals feel like I'm going crazy causes me to behave from a shame based nature and hide from others because I dont want them to try and understand but be unable to and give up, and/or be invalidating and send my emotions into more of an insane tailspin than they're already in. In summation, I usually just think "oh Lord no... I dont like people. They're good occassionally but after a short time i gotta literally run away."

After being in relationship I was advised (by professionals ) it’s good to be comfortable in your own company. Being a extraverted introvert I soon leant to thrive in my own company - then Covid came and I found it just dreamy to be isolated. So calming and healing

Great words, Anna, and very much understood. I have been in the social circles, and I have laughed it up with the best of them. At the end of the day, my solitude brings me the most peace and joy. I give thanks and look forward to the next day.

Great collection! It puts a lot of principles together. It struck me that some of us (OK, me) tends to trust everyone and then get burned almost every time. This leads to avoiding anywhere one might encounter and meet new people. It gets to a point that you expect even good friends to burn you eventually. Not a great way to live. Thanks for putting this together.

I’m having the worst time right now. I’ve tried so hard to break the cycle and have a happy family with my children. I’ve tried so hard… But my twin 14 year olds are just absolutely breaking me down to the point that I don’t want to be here anymore. They have mental illnesses that reminds me of my mother, and they do and say hurtful things just like my mother. And if I show any emotions about it, any at all, they talk to each other about how I’m trying to manipulate them. I can’t be around this anymore!

No groups for me...just gave up. We moved to Panama and I'm glad I don't speak the language. The ex-pats are tricky enough. I Stay away from most people. The 2 I tried to become friends with were mean to me, so forget it. Just not interested. My narcissistic husband is enough of a struggle for me.

I don't suffer from trauma, but i feel this way around my larger social circles. The smaller the group, the more likely i am to show up & hang out.

I still struggle with healthy boundaries, both ways. I also break them unintentionally, for example at moments I make things too personal and it gets awkward. Then I feel ashamed and get disregulated. I used to not get into any group case I couldn't handle all that, hence I'm still a bit 'off and unsociolised'. But I am definitly learning and noticing it too ( more positieve feedback) hopefull for the future. Your video's help immensly! Thank you Anna

Knowing what’s best for a friend…. I made big mistakes there and learned from it and still learning right now and in that friendship

What you said to the 63-yo woman reeealllly resonated. Thank you so much for your compassionate and wise words.

My cat just sneezed into my eye. This is about all of inclusion I can manage.

Hello, I find as I get older my circle of family & friends is getting smaller. I used to be a friendly outgoing person, but now that I'm over 60 most of my family has died (5 siblings have passed on...(most all but one, who was my baby brother) and they were quite a bit older than me. They all were important to me for various reasons. My younger brother was 14 months younger than me & died in an accident over 30 years ago.) Most of my friends were or are still religious, but I turned away from 'religion' about 12 years ago. I have tried to stay friendly, yet they seem unable to accept the changes I made in my life when I left 'religion.' I'm finding myself at a crossroads that is hard to define. Where do I go from here (I ask myself) to be accepted & make new friends? I'll sign, Lost, yet at peace with my Spiritual life.

thank you Anna, I started going to AA meetings because of you and it has helped me allot. You are truly healing people with these videos, thank you so much for your help❤

Friends and friendship ...quality not quantity ❤

5:52 I’ve joined a kickboxing gym, it’s very social and in just the right dose- everyone is friendly, the instructors are like cheerleaders. I go several times a week. And I occasionally let the instructors know a little bit more about myself. It feels really good. The work outs are fantastic, everyone goes at their own pace. We just show up and it’s hard and we all do it together.

I am getting hard to include. It’s real; yet isolation has made me less paranoid. More awkward, certainly, and more comfortable in my awkwardness. My one small action is this. Reaching out to people online, I get thumbs ups and ❤. It’s likely not enough, yet it’s enough for now. Others have had enough of me. 😂😢😂

Such a good reminder about 12 step programs. Everyone is there bc they need to be. I too was idealistic at first and learned the hard way to keep better boundaries!

I thought I was going to feel a little ashamed of myself while listening, but as you've given some examples of connectedness and showing up for others--I am surprised, but I do some of these things. That's so encouraging!

I am still struggling with abuse by a covert naracist in a church group. Others want to include me, but the naracist wants to be the gateway for everything that goes on. His leadership is totally false and is basically a covert bully. He simply wants to be the centre of attention and is constantly manipulating every situation to his own advantage. Some have also noticed this. I basically need to find somewhere else in order to use my skills. You never have any connection with a covert naracist. A covert naracist is a very devious individual. Joining a choir that is controlled by a covert naracist is not really a very good idea. You need to choose your friends very very carefully. Thanks for this video. You just show up but also observe the actions of those around you. Actions speak louder than words.

This letter from Cecilia reminded me of my mom so much. The part of ok this person didn’t answer a message that was basically questioning the person again in a decision taken, probably because the person felt was jumping a boundary, she uses her pride to convinced herself that is better to let it go than acknowledging openly and apologizing, then to win the person back sends the dog show thing, so “lets continue the relationship like nothing happened, can we both ignore the elephant in the room”. Then at the end, the whole “I told you so” thing, no is not her realization even if she saw it first, her friend took the risk, maybe she still wanted to try and the lesson came from her experience, your opinion is never more valuable than what the person experienced. This letter was a little triggering for me and I would have run from this relationship too.

Carla’s story is EXACTLY what I’m going through with my best friend. I’m crying from the advice you’ve given and how perfect the timing is that I watched your video ❤Thank you so much to you and my therapist (of course lol)

1:34:54 sometimes the person isn’t doing anything wrong, but at the same time, we aren’t getting what we need. There isn’t always a bad guy or a wrong party. You can be right, they can be right, but you can be wrong for each other.

Thank you SO MUCH for this explanation! I've been getting better over the years because of patience and support from amazing people in my life, but I have still suffered from triggers from perceived exclusion. Because of this video I'm recognizing that I 'uninclude' myself so many times by pulling back when my super sensitivity from my past has created impossible expectations which can't be met. I go blind to where I am included and supported and in those moments I only see the triggering actions and feel the pain from my past. Those triggers can be so minor in comparison to the support, but I hurt in an exaggerated way and suppress the good feelings regarding the support. I hope moving forward I can recognizing when I'm doing this, but I know I need to heal from the past too.

For me, I am neurodivergent plus have Social Anxiety so I am more of an introvert. I really do not crave the group but just a few close people. Added on, I experience chronic pain so going out is not always achievable for me. I find that the majority are not genuine. Plus, too many make their only social times that must include alcohol.

The 'one small step' I'm taking today is actually engaging with this video instead of just sitting back, thinking, "Huh, that sounds like me", then moving on. I've been isolating myself without even realising it for probably 6 years now - I always found people a lot of work and never felt I clicked with them, so I responded to texts less and stopped going to things I was invited to. When everyone talked about how alone and lonely they felt during COVID, but I felt the same as I always did, I knew it was a red flag. I'm still an introvert and I don't 100% get the appeal of interacting for the sake of interacting...but I feel like I'm at a really critical point where turning the ship around and starting to take steps back towards connecting with people is what's going to save me from total and inescapable isolation. I know that's a very possible outcome, and I know I don't want to end up there, so now's the time to start taking steps to make sure that doesn't happen.

Your channel is my absolute favorite. I cannot believe how I’ve just found you. I’m so grateful. I struggle a lot with friendships in my life too. I cut people off so often. I’d rather be alone.

I am and will always be a one on one type person. I have no use for groups as people change when around others which only reveals that they are not to be trusted in the first place. I call it highschool mentality. I would say it stems more from the sibling relationships as opposed to the parents in my case.