Why You MUST Free Yourself From Family Shame NOW 

Dear Jennifer, your story brought tears to my eyes. Maybe you'll never read this and I don't know you, but I feel for you. Know that you are precious and a very very strong woman! I pray that your life will turn to the best, you absolutely deserve it. God bless you and your kids. ❤

Jennifer had a baby at 16 years old and she kept her and is raising her! Jennifer needs to stop seeing herself as a failure and recognize the strength it takes for a 16 year old to step up, grow up and mother her child. She also walked away from a man she wanted to be with, because he was not being appropriate for her children because of his drinking. Once again, she put her kids first, unlike so many other Moms, unlike her own mother. Jennifer has done so much already!

I take singing lessons for 1.5 Years now. My throat used to close off whenever my teacher told me to sing or say "no". I can now sing no no no all I want and say it to people, too 😅😊 practise is the magic key 💕

I don’t know how I didn’t realize how much I was bullied until I hit 30. It wasn’t until I went to therapy - I realized I had been bullied in nearly every avenue of my life. My sister, my schoolteachers, my dad, my coworkers, and even some men I dated (if not all). I was like what is the deal?! Well I came off meek. My body language looked shy and unsure when I look back on old photos. I was a borderline hermit. I was afraid of people. I was terrified of conflict - my whole childhood was conflict. I did ANYTHING to keep the peace because I didn’t get much peace. I also just never felt loved by my mentally ill father so I was just totally miserable and sad on my own. I needed the love of a guy to be my security blanket. I feared I would become sucked into a black hole alone. Well, that black hole still existed even in a relationship. I have not been single my entire adult life. I was using men like oxygen. I had so much shame, so much to learn about boundaries, and finally thinking “you never deserved this, what have you done?” I was kind to a fault, often told I was sweet as pie. I was trying to please. Well it’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to leave a bad situation, it’s ok to tell my family to keep their shaming of me to themselves. It’s ok to tell ME to stop being critical. It’s been a hard lesson but truly worthwhile.

i was the scapegoat. i was lower on the family totem pole than even the dog. it took me years to heal, but it can be done! you are not what they tell you you are. you are NEVER what they tell you you are unless what they tell you is that you are precious, special, and dearly loved because the world is better with you in it.

I too, was conceived in adultery. My stepfather used to tell me that I was "nothing but a bastard". I love that Rick Warren says, "There are no illegitimate children, only illegitimate parents." We are all "fearfully and wonderfully made" and have great value in God's sight. He proves that He fully accepts a child conceived illegitimately, by choosing Judah's illegitimate son Peretz to be in the Messianic line of descent, instead of Judah's eldest son by his wife. Jesus/Yeshua received me as His loved child and will gladly do so for anyone who wants to belong to His wonderful family of believers. Take heart, you are loved.

At times I feel have felt very much like a magnet for bullies and bad treatment. A boyfriend told me that he never treated anyone else the way he treated me. Even my mother said , 'I know I say things to you that I would never say to your sister. It's because I feel closer to you'. I take this to mean that people see my lack of boundaries. I have been bullied in the workplace and in the community. I have cut myself off from good people because I fear their judgement and if I'm honest because they seem boring.

A few months back I fell on the sidewalk and broke my hip. The overwhelming emotion I felt immediately was SHAME. And boy oh boy, did the nurses aids and emergency room personnel run with it. They shamed me severely for crying out in pain when they roughly jerked my leg around. I have no idea which childhood experience triggered the shame.

Dear Cathy from Florida Primary School, South Africa, in the late 1970's: I have wished for so long to find you and apologise for not being a friend to you when you were a neglected child, teased mercilessly by kids at school for having dirty, shabby clothes. As a child, I was just glad it wasn't me being treated unkindly - but as a mother now, I remember you and wish I'd known how to come alongside you. I don't know what you were dealing with at home, but I know it wasn't good and I am sending you hugs and I hope you know it wasn't your fault - you deserved love, safety and friendship. May God bless and keep you wherever you are. I would still love to find you and I am so sorry that you suffered as you did.

Jennifer, if you end up reading this: my heart goes out to you! There's a quote from the Desiderata that I want to share with you - or anyone feeling down on themselves: "Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here." You have a right to be here on planet Earth, Jennifer. Never forget that!! (And thank you for all of your hard work, Team Fairy!!)

I had an alcoholic father, I was a bullying magnet, I realise my trauma and shame was written all over my face.

One thing that I am learning is that communicating and establishing my boundaries is not me being mean. So if I have to confront someone about a violation and cry later (due to fear of retaliation) ,then so be it. I am deserving of love and respect.

*You are not your mother.* You you are Fearfully and Wonderfully made. May your light shine. Bless you dear. Hugs and love.

I have that avoidance of high functioning people. I really struggle to allow these people in my life. My mom never allowed people to come to our house, because she knew she was neglecting us, and didn’t want the truth to be seen.

Not ONLY the crazy-making secrets but also being belittled as somehow faulty and stupid for NOT knowing / understanding, so we’re not considered, not included not informed AND shamed for not knowing also!! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Jennifer, you are all of us. I have dealt with crippling shame most of my life. Some of my recovery has come from simply realizing that many of the emotions I feel are not even mine. My family could not deal with something, so they put it on me. The problem: you cannot resolve someone else's feeling, even with all the therapy in the world. Real healing is re-regulating your nervous system. The Crappy Childhood Fairy is queen of this. You are in the right place.

I'm 30 and moved back in with an abusive parent. Some advice for someone else going through this: YOU need to be the adult this time. Maintain strong boundaries and be aware that parents will always see us as their children, which can sometimes be damaging of you have a parent that refuses to see you as an adult with their own interests.

I would so love to see a video on "avoiding people who have it together" because that resonates with me soooo much

Hats off to Jennifer! She is a good Mom, putting her kids 1st no matter what. She is going to make it. Also, I don't hear what she has done wrong at all.

“It’s wasn’t your fault”. The truth of these words opened up the pathways to clear the pain of shame from deep inside. It started my journey to healing. When I realized that we are deeply loved by the source of love itself, and that there’s no condemnation there, that’s what’s changing me, one day at a time.

CPTSD is an injury but it is not who we are. We are beautiful. Thank you Jeniffer. Thank you Anna. God bless all of us!

My granddaughter has been without her father (my son) for her whole life. She is almost 12 and started developing at age 10. She now says she is non-binary and pansexual. I love her and understand why she is seeking so much at such a young age. Girls were teasing her about not knowing her biological dad. Praying my son enters her life at some point. He was a teenager when she was born. He pays his child support but they need each other. Hoping to see a reunion before long. My son's dad just passed 30 days ago and was a lifetime alcoholic. So pray with me for all of us to heal now.

How do you not have your own TV show???!!! Just from the positive things I have learnt from just a RU-vid video from you is mind boggling. I just feel like the world needs to hear what you have to say, literally every single human being would benefit from your knowledge. So in depth, absolutely addicted to your videos! Bess.

Merciless. "Everyone in this story is merciless. And now you're being merciless to yourself." I've never thought about it with that word before, but that word makes so much sense in my own experience with a similar alcoholic and emotionally unregulated mom. Especially with the men she would choose to bring home, these were really broken guys with big issues but you have no idea how f'd they are because you're a KID.

I'm 20 minutes in and it's blowing me away. I'm pausing until tomorrow. I need a chance to catch my breath. Thank you so much for your work and sharing here on RU-vid.

I loved hearing about you pretending to be a teacher as a child, now you are teaching thousands everywhere daily! You were born to teach 🫶🏻

Jennifer, there is only one you in the entire universe & you are here to be you to the fullest, just as the stars shine for all their worth in the night sky. How wonderful that you are here now, shining a light on how you have survived such adversity. It only takes a tiny ray of light to defeat darkness & you are that light. How special is that? How does it get any better than that? Shine on, dear. You are helping others by sharing your story and know that you are not alone. Thank you. Bless you.

"Your dad was a smuck"- one of my many favorites from this...Thank heaven for the vital validation you are providing!!!

Ooh. Such a good point. When I've been programmed not to take care of myself and I need to "be useful" to feel value. That blurry boundary makes it easy for narcs and abusers to keep me around. Plus it's hard to walk away from a dance I know all the moves to. Meanwhile - before healing - people who had it together made me feel shame to the point of dysregulation or unhealthy fawning, basking in their "glow." Plus, good people can smell poor boundaries, so good folks would self select out. Especially as I transitioned from childhood to young adult. Yikes. it's such a self reinforcing pattern. It no longer surprises me that it takes decades to pull out of this sort of geosynchronous orbit around all the abuse and neglect.

My parents indirectly gave me shame through their public antics. They are incredibly loud and excessively outgoing, and my mother is what many people now call a “Karen-“ constantly drawing public attention with self-entitlement and arguments with strangers. Alcohol was not the issue - their lack of self-awareness has brought me constant public fear and shame, even when they’re not there. I’m trying to overcome it but it’s so hard.

Jennifer your story sounds very much like mine. I commend you for all you're doing! It can & will get better! Hang in there! One thing I decided early on when raising my son was what I called "the crap stops here" , meaning I refused to pass the dysfunctional parenting style of my patents to the next generation and I promised myself that my son would never have 1 day where he would doubt that I love him. It was hard....a very real struggle as a single parent, but worth every minute. My son is the single greatest blessing of my life & my grandkids are the icing on the cake. I now have the family I always wanted. You can do this too! Take care of yourself & God bless. ❤️

Earlier menarche is associated with earlier exposure to sexual behavior or sexualized media content (including books and magazines.) In societies where sexuality is behind closed doors and for married adults only, menarche is later. Bringing in a second husband statistically exposes children to either more sexual behaviors on the part of the adults, mom needs to keep the new partner happy or he is bringing in a sexual vibe (whether he means to or not.) Letting children be children and letting young women be free of sexual pressure is very nearly unheard of now.

For me I never felt worthy of “good” friends. They had what seemed perfect lives. Their parents didn’t fight and Dad pass out drunk. I was jealous of them and certainly didn’t want them to know what my home life was. They kids from other messed up families understood on some level. When your Dad blames you for all his problems you believe him. You avoid judgement of your piers. You believe you aren’t as good as because you are hiding a secret that if anyone found out there would be big trouble. I was terrified if the authorities found out I would be sent to a home. My grandmother was a cook at Children’s Aid Home and it seemed such a horrible place I would rather deal with the devil I-knew..

I can’t believe how accurate this is to my life. Emotionally distant dad, disregulated mom. Both were emotionally immature and had come from broken, emotionally dysfunctional homes. My mother’s was particularly terrible and she struggles emotionally more than my dad did. I did not feel like I was paid attention to - they were wrapped up in their own unhappiness. I was sexually abused by a family member before I hit puberty and was a magnetic for that behaviour for many years. The connections between my parents difficult childhoods and my own childhood and the issues I now see as my CPTSD has been an eye opener. I have sought help for years but a combination of not finding the fight fit with a therapist, or not being able to afford it for long has been frustrating. So glad I found your channel. ❤️

I was called that word, too, by my brother who would also physically abuse me.I had the colon issue, it stems from all of the abuse we suffered prior. The body is keeping the score.

It's very hard even listening to this letter from Jennifer. I had to stop part way in to cry and write this. I want to hear how you are saving yourself and what Anna will say which will undoubtedly help. I love your little child, everyone should. I heard the entire letter and have begun listening to Anna's comment. Anna, you are wonderful, tell Jennifer what she needs to hear, everything we all want to say to her. please help her. Defend her. Explain to her that she's not at fault for ... anything. Compassionate understanding that you have/show is so very healing. Your support is wonderful, Anna. More power to you.

This kind of toxic shame can be devastating to kids who get singled out and bullied. It's another nasty way of stripping people of their power and sense of self-mastery. It can leave one feeling dirty and stained to their very soul. We need to realize toxic shame for the controlling abusive tactic it is. It's not our fault for what others do, and it's not our responsibility to atone for their mistakes.

Where would we be without these videos and courageous letter writers? Thank you so much, Anna and the whole CCF team! ❤️

Dear letter writer, what a great move to write to this channel. I’m learning My childhood was not a rare freak of nature, MANY people grew up with alcoholic’s, and suffering different types of abuse, mine was physical, and mental, emotional. Just keep trying, keep that goal of giving to your children better then what you had, I’m sending hugs and good energy your way. Things that has helped me… starting watching channel’s like this, going to one on one therapy, church, reading my Bible, I personally like the thought of having a Heavenly Father that loves and protects me…finding people who seem strong and mentally healthy to learn from. Good luck and keep moving forward, the more you do, the less you will feel the need to look back! God bless all the broken hearted that are trying to heal. I’m not where I want to be but at least I’m not where I use to be. I’m working on me.

Only 11 minutes in, I have to pause because I'm crying. My life story's details are quite different to this woman's but the shame resonates. Maybe for the first time ever, it's getting through to me a bit, for a moment right now, that my parents' poor choices and other issues weren't my fault, or my shame to carry. Thank you, Fairy.

Hi Jennifer I am radiating all my love to you. I have suffered in a similar way, being bullied as a child and also the abuse! Despite that, like you I knew I had to do good by my own children! So your antennae for the way to live a good life and bring up your children, is working! Act on your instincts - they are great! Good luck to you my friend!❤❤❤

Even though your video is always recommended to me, I often don't click/click but don't finish, cause I don't feel the strength/will to face issues so similar to my life. Today I powered through, and I was astonished to see just the sheer strength of your words, the strength of conviction in your character that shines through your speech against family abuse. It's healing to find and listen to a guardian figure that I so needed when I was a kid. Keep doing what you do, it heals us.

Jennifer you are so so brave for sharing your story with us, you are helping us ALL !!! THANK YOU 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

You’re such a photogenic person. All of your thumbnails are so beautiful.

Wow this letter hit me hard. Her healing will help so many people one day

Jennifer. We are here with you and we HEAR you. Blessings

I can tell this one got to you, Anna. Thanks for powering through and being so vulnerable sharing our own life. You are a treasure!

Alcohol is the scourge of humanity IMO. It's legality makes it hard to combat.

Years ago, I started going to Al-Anon. I took twin 2 year olds and a 6 year old with me. I packed coloring books and crayons. My son roller skated outside sometimes or read...and it turned out listened. The sweet people there would hold my girls and help keep them entertained. It was an hour to let go of stress and get emotional support and make lifelong friends. Working steps, writing, and reading what I wrote to a sponsor helped me live the rest of my life in such a better way. God bless you; you're his kid!

You have overcome so much but I get it, you didnt want to. You didnt want to have to be so strong and mature. You're exhausted and feel shame. You CAN do small things to feel joy in life. What is something you have always wanted to do but just havent? Something that no matter what is happening in your life that you can just do for you? For me it was kayaking. i would put the kids in care for a few hrs and go kayak. It taught me how to create joy in my life for myself even when I was dibillitatingly terrified that my abusive ex would try to kill me. ❤️

God Bless you Jennifer, may you find the help and healing you desire, require, and deserve. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I have watched all of Anna’s videos and this story floored me like none other. Jennifer! You are no victim YOU ARE VICTORIOUS. Fuck I’m so proud of you and I’m rooting on you from Denmark. girl!! You got this 🔥 With love

I hope you feel the love Jennifer-you are deserving of joy and peace. My heart hurts that you had to go through such pain. Thank you Anna for helping Jennifer and so many others. You are an incredible blessing

I still struggle blaming myself for my molestation and accident even though it's very clear that neither incident was my fault...

I feel so bad that she has had to endure so much abuse..... Prayers for her and her family for a better life...

I’ve always wondered since my early 20’s how come I avoid people/ potential good friendships (self-sabotage?) - I think it’s Shame and Not feeling “Good Enough”- like I’m “Too Broken” and they will find that out and end up abandoning me.. making my attempt just another failure sending me on another shame spiral.. So grateful to have recently found you 💕 Profound gratitude for all you do and are🙏❤️😌

*Sending Jennifer a huge hug* ... You can do this ... You are much stronger than you realize. 💜

Once I read a Rebecca Miller's book, The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, and she wrote about that, I saw people has they are and not like they would like to seem. I think this is true. At some level it was because of that that we became the scapegoat, but with our magical thinking we stayed, because we had no place to scape and we felt empathy, so I think it's when we start to absorve family feelings, and shame too. The codependicy of changing things do the rest of the role, in my opinion. We just heard bad words about us, but deep down we knew it wasn't just about us, but we start to feel all the pane in the world, and guilt. Then we go to school and we are bullied and the bullies are like our parents. When I was 12 I started to think I was cursed, because outside the same things like home start to happen. I was ashamed of my parents being bullies but I didn't reacted quickly to bullies at school for the some reasons I repressed myself at home, and I depressed. Being depressed was the main reason I atracted bullies at school but seeing them as weak, too. I think we start mirroing them, because of trauma. I think good people make us more ashamed because in young ages they are jugmental and I thought they were boring because I was depressed and because they didn't understand me. It was like having another language. Once an agressive psi told me I seemed a Christ with sores. Some psis are bullies for us too. Now that I start to have inner peace, I understand that shame, guilt and anger, being too reactive in some situations and freeze in others kept bullies in the way. They had fear and anger and so did I. When we don't have so much fear and anger we don't match with them and we don't care about mean people.

Jennifer, blessings to you and your children. Deciding to protect your kids from witnessing alcoholism is huge. I so respect your brave step. I did this when the father of my child smokes weed way too often and got cold and agressive and couldn't stop. It's so healthy to leave when things get that out of control. And i so get you. Me to is thinking off all the demage my survival driven descition had created. I felt like I didn't try heart enough to hold the family together. I blamed myself to create a child with a man i, looking back, never felt fully safe with. That i didn't thought before what a child, depending on him too will feel. I blamed myself for my thoughtlessness and the disrespect, the harm i did to me that i got myself intimate with such a person and lot more stuff. I so get it I blame myself too for all the descitions i made in survival autopilot hurted childmode. Now i know, understanding and feeling, that i couldn't think straight at those times. I felt threatened and reacted accordingly like i survived my childhood. A childhood that also included experiences of severe bullying over years. With a mom that blamed me for being full and alone responseable for being treated like that. Out of not knowing what i meant with they are mean, my posture and grades. Out of pain not to know how to help, how to stop that triggering dynamic she witnessed. She have been hurt. And hurt people hurt people... 😢 With old teachers that didn't notice, haven't been educated. With the class rule that who befriends me is at the same spot like me. So i never had friends. In a small village where when you don't have friends at school there's no one left. Now i get that's no wonder i took the guys who have shown interest for whatever reason in me.... A spiral down. Now as i do the dayly practice and have collected a few insights in how traumatic experiences changes the brain, body and behaviour, and emotions it all starts to make sense. I even recognize how i feel with people when i try to learn this whole friendship thing 😅 whats a never experienced clarity. I can recommend trying the dayly practice. I would recommend writing one sentence after the process in how i feel now. Just to get the information to all parts of myself. As and that's only my experience, they are a bit shattered. Not pathological more like everyone has an inner child. That all members of the inner team get the message. Because of trauma, what one part of me gets, doesn't naturally arrive the other part. And it helps when the closed up, hidden parts, the tender one, that i had to protect twist or hide/suppress, big chunks of live time from being trampled over, also know what's helpful. They open up easier. Use the opportunity to get relieved from theyr fears. And if triggered, i identify myself with those parts. They jump in to rescue me and take over the control. So it's great when they know what's good to get relieve too. So that the more mature parts of mine can guide my day again. The step to leave the dad of my child. I did it for my son i didn't want him in this environment and it have been the wisest and healthiest decision i ever did. For myself too. And.... even for my former Partner this have shown up as a valid information. He is free to learn from his decitions. It have been the rough start to create a space that allows healing. That allows adulting. That gave room to create an environment that allowed me to get to know myself better. On this path, one day i noticed: all the years i had the core believe, that i deserved to be treated like shit. And that this is wrong. That if i love my child, this little human. And he deserve good. I deserve too. I have been such a pure child too. What helped have been having a baby photo of me at a place where i see it everyday when i walk by. It remembers me that i have been pure. And that i kind of, in some parts still am. I love this picture baby like i love my son. And it's me. That bypassas a lot shame my parents put on me. What started age six weeks. That's what I wish for you. Mama❤️. That you are able to be a mama for yourself too. As i am. It is so much better now. You got this 🤗 My kid gives me the drive to do the dayly practice, to take self-care serious. My mom showed us that she always deserved the smallest piece of food on the table. Really i never learned to put myself other then last. I just learned to survive with the leftovers. In all areas of life. But now i learn so much what life can also be. It's awesome 🤯😁 like a rainbow not only black and white. I send you strength and love and my compassion.

I am so sorry to the person who wrote the letter. I hope healing continues. 🥺

I started puberty at what I've seen in medical journals the normal time. I didn't grow up with my biological father but I did have a step father active in my life since I was around 2. Like I don't have memories of any time without him and he was the best out the 3 parents I was given.

Hi Jennifer, this message is right for you, not fir our Fairy, for you. I would like to let you know how you look from outside, how you look to us of your Elective Family in this commuity. Seems you do jot realise what huge impact you can have by your CONSISTENCY AD COHERENCE as the only thing I can see is an incredible woman, brave beyond imagination GOING always ON NO MATTER WHAT. You remember me of someone a side of Europe is mourning in these day, as also Her WAS ALWAYS GOING ON NO MATTER WHAT, and she will be misses even from whom did not cared of her so much, just for the feeling on ENDURANCE AND COSISTENCY she always provided. So, Jennifer, you are really the Queen of your family, and a great example for your Elective one. Thank you yo the Fairy to have brought you to us, and thank you to you..TO BE YOU!! A HUGE HUG, Stefania

Wow! The suffering that many of us go through is just awful! I can relate to much of her story. I too was a mom at 16 and I have a horrendous story. I overcame much and am thankful but it was a long very hard road. People like you Childhood Fairy are a blessing on that hard road, and more than you can know. I wish I had learned much more of this younger but such is life. God bless you and the person who wrote that letter!

Fairy..by just 1 sentence you made me understand the role of Jesus Christ related to the Old Testament..goodness Lady..another bug tile of the puzzle just found place!!! The Lord literally personified the say BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE: MERCY AS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE...toward the sinners, so that the heartless rightious can change.. Thank you Fairy..you are truly magic! Bless you in Jesus of Nazareth's Name, Aimen, Aimen, Aimen!!!

Jennifer you are actually on the right path. It is hard but it seems you are doing all the right things. You are strong & brave and doing the best you can for your kids . Keep moving forward. Hugs

Jennifer the fact that you know about and are seeking out ways to improve your life is a great sign that you are an an amazing individual. I know it's hard in the beginning but it gets BETTER! As the kids grow up , they become more independent and that eases some of the pressure of parental responsibilities. This will give you more time for yourself and more energy to take care of you. Thank You for sharing your experience. Know that you cannot fail if you keep at it!! Don't Give up!!

Thank you so much for your videos. I just shared you on Facebook. You are a wealth of knowledge. I'm a former child with PTSD from childhood trauma and your content helps me SO much, I just wanted to share you with others that may need you too.

Please do a stand alone video on being a bully magnet please and thank you!

What a powerful story. Anna, can you do a video on how to deal with daily bullying as an adult. I can't remember a day of not being bullied.

My heart goes out to you. You are an amazing person, Jennifer. You have been through so much and are truly changing things for your kids and yourself. That harsh inner critic is so hard to quiet. I hope you find some peace and relief.

What a strong woman this Jennifer. Keep going Jennifer. I was so touched. Gonna pray for you girl.

People back seat parenting aren't helping. SpongeBob brought peace and that set the tone for your best to come through and your kiddos reaped a benefit. Well done!! I admire your big picture thinking 😊😊

I had my first period at 10. I had my Dad around. but his behaviour was odd not sexual abuse but controlling. He once said if I have problems come to him and my mom. and If I can't tell them don't tell anyone. He also used o say there is something psychologically wrong with me. eventually I went to see one. this was not tipping point. I was 27. only a yearish ago they would still say that. I said actually I had seen one she said there is nothing wrong with me. The shock on mh Dads face is still present in my mind. hadn't said it since.40 odd years of being told there is osmthing wrong with me. i essentially got told by the psychiatrist she believes there is nothing wrong with me but everything your saying sounds like someone elses beliefs and I believe there is something wrong with them. However I can help you not them because thats why your here.

32:18 I had something on Friday that I had to hold in since my therapy appointment was on Tuesday, so this gave me a good laugh! 😂 Thankfully I have the daily practice so the wait became more manageable. To "Jennifer", goodness you are amazing in the most positive way possible. Despite all the obstacles and hardships, you kept your good compassionate heart intact. It is truly inspiring how proactive you are, so I hope you give yourself credit for that. You made some hard choices and never stopped trying, and that is so commendable. Wishing you health and happiness, you deserve it so much. 💖

How did you know I was going through extreme shame today? I’ve worked so hard the past few days to stay positive and do self care. Saw parents today and felt intense shame of not working and being a failure. Went home feeling numb, tearful and didn’t have the confidence to go back outside.

Oh gosh... When I go into my shame about stuff I am not responsible for, I always hope that people may say something calming to me. Sometimes they do. And sometimes they pile it on. It's like a magnet for more shame. I have a circle of people I call in those situations. Recently I stepped out of my lab and talked to one of them on the phone. It felt so good to not be alone with the fear and shame, but to be open and vulnerable about it. I could get back to work with a clear mind and feeling supported. As much as I also write to deal with it, having a kinda therapy group is really, really turning it around for me personally.

Deep breath, Jennifer. I am rooting for you. Hope you can find a sustainable source of encouragement and support as you navigate this tricky thing called life!!

I’m definitely working on myself , and trying to undo what was done unto me . I definitely can relate to the woman and I am so happy she’s getting the help she needs. My parents didn’t drink but sure as heck fought a lot and my father would treat me like a “wife “

Thank you, Anna, for your gracious and merciful heart. Whatever the situation you always give loving, nurturing responses. The world needs you. Praise God for you 💖

Wow. 6 minutes in and I had to add the video to my watch later because I was tearing up on my lunch break. What a hard life this woman has fought through. It's amazing that she's still here today. Kudos and keep strong.

jennifer, you can do this, im rooting for you!!!! Anna I love the advice for moms... I too struggle with this. As mom I stuggle with finding time for my healing but the tips you gave are helpful. I was taught that good mom is always self sacrificing.. your needs dont exist... but thats wrong Ty💓

You’re such a blessing Anna! Thank you.

Wow! I started listening to this because it finally dawned on me that Im carrying a load of shame from my childhood. Been working on dealind with cptsd for years but never connected with the shame component until today. How could we not have shame! Anyway, Jennifer, you are amazing! You are here, fighting for yourself and your babies. You're smart enough to know what caused your dysfunction and you are working hard to keep from putting your kids through the things you suffered. I had this thought...if there was a stray mamma dog on your street and it needed shelter and food for its pups...would you blame her for taking shelter in your moms home as you have? No! You'd praise that mama dog. Youd feed her, cuddle her pups, give them a little corner to rest in with a soft blanket. Youd nurse them back to strength and in the meantime look for a forever home for them. Because you are good and kind. Jennifer...treat yourself and your children just as you would that stray mamma dog. Feed yourself and your babies. Get rest, grow strong...and seek out that apartment...that forever home for your family. You can. You will. Your love for those babies and help from above will make it so. ❤

This^ I can never figure out what is appropriate at work I always end up in work places that take advantage of employees and I work very hard until burnout and then get treated poorly and feel lazy

"Jennifer", you are great, thanks for sharing your vulnerable story with which so many of us feel identified to different degrees. Send you, the fairy and everyone else all my love!💜🌷

Stay brave Jennifer!! You’re not playing the victim & are actively pursuing your health & healing!!! Your awareness was the biggest hurdle & you are already inn the correct path! Blessings & Love to you & your family! We lift you up!!

I feel Jennifer which means soft, blessed one fair one... is a praise dancer, an overcomer, a child of the most high God. Shame is not your portion. I've had to overcome so much as well but I have realized that garment of heaviness that comes over me can be taken off with the garment of praise. The Bible teaches us that. Jesus loves you beautiful. There's a beautiful song called Come out of hiding. I'd put on a flowy dress and surrender that past, lay it at His feet and dance just dance. I heard this anointed woman speak from the heart and as she read your letter I cried because I could relate. She calls herself a fairy but I think she's an angel and her ministry is healing. Thank you for blessing us. I'm praying for you. 💖😇

Also, fairy thanks for highlighting that darkness comes back, because it is huge setback when things start improving and darkness comes back and you feel you are hopeless because you end up having unrealistic expectations such as that we will be the very normal perfect person, no wounds left, after we've been doing the work for a while.

Thank you for discussing this subject! It's been such a painful issue for me, and I haven't ever heard it addressed! Please know that you are giving me and so many others like me a gift; to be TRULY understood, validated, encouraged for the first time in a compassionate and hopeful way is like feeling the sun after being in the dark for so long... I can't articulate how powerful and healing your videos are for me. So I'll just say thank you, sincerely, for sharing your experiences and insight.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this because of your immature parents. Well done for doing your best by your kids. Your certainly not useless....far from it. Keep going forward Jennifer ❤️❤️

Jennifer sweetheart, your a great mom! I have been there still healing but I’m still here for my daughter and myself. Anna gave great tips I hope you will follow them. Follow what brings you joy. You’re on the right path. Far from easy is not even the right word to explain where you came from and where you are going. But keep going “YOU DESERVE YOUR HAPPINESS”.

I can relate to avoiding the nice people too... 😢...

Aw :( I felt Jennifer’s story, especially having an open secret kept from you, sending her love and everyone else who is reading this 💛

I also grew up with alcoholic parents. They were the functional sort who never missed a day of work but drank and argued in the evening. I remember feeling ashamed of them by the time I was in grade 1. I also remember taking on that shame. When I did have friends I didn't want to invite them over to my house. Even when I went to their house I felt ashamed when comparing my family/mother to theirs so I felt like an imposter. I felt I had to hide this big dirty secret from everyone because I'd also be tarred with the same brush. Yet at the same time I desperately wanted someone kind to notice my predicament and save me. In middle school onwards I was attracted to rebels, other girls on the fringe because I wasn't worthy to have a normal person as a friend. I fell through the cracks - I was just as invisible at school as I was at home, except during some years when I was bullied. It is so sad that we take on the guilt of our parents. My best wishes for Jennifer and all those who have gone through a similar thing.

You are a giant in terms of family systems analysis Take it from someone that listened to john Bradshaw, one of of pioneers of discussing alcoholism and dysfunctional families, you are doing a great job of making this current. Thanks

One angle that I noticed: It's very hard when they're little, it does get easier :). You will have more energy to lift yourself up economically and emotionally.

Well done, brave Jennifer!! 👏 ((hugs))

This was done to me over and over again as an adult! 😔

Sending much love and encouragement from all of us to Jen

Sending love to Jennifer. This entire letter and response resonates with me.