"Women Are Better Off Without Men According To Studies"... Turns out this is some Fake News 

I’m 38. Never married. No kids. Been in serious relationships. I’m single. What Preach was saying is spot on. Def get that “lonely” feeling sitting at my house By myself. I make $200,000 a year. I worked my ass off to get where I’m at. But for what…what’s the point if you don’t have anyone to share it with.

Looking at its complexity, most people would rather be alone than with the wrong person. The wrong person can ruin your happiness, finances & overall outcome. Don’t get married to JUST be married.

I finally found my forever person in my early 30's. We are having our first child and I couldn't be happier! Everyone that has known me says "you seem happier than ever", and they're right! I went through my, "I don't need a man" stage and always had a chip on my shoulder. I not only need my man, I want him! Men and women complete each other, it's not happenstance.

It’s not about simply being married. It’s about being married to the person who is right for you.

If you're in a toxic relationship, then it's true that you'll probably be happier single. Don't assume that a relationship will make you happier just because it's a relationship. I was thirty and still single, and I was by and large ok-ish with it and definitely enjoyed some of the perks - and I was very glad to not be going through a train wreck divorce like some of my friends were. But still, when I hit my early thirties, I found a good man and got married. And I am far happier now.

We are better of without UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. Standards should be raised for relationships, we all need loving, communicating, supportive partners.

A comment I found on reddit once and keep in my notes app: I think there is a tendency for women to underaccount for how much emotional labor they generate. Honestly, I'm not inclined to put a whole lot of thought into this question. The question itself so heavily loaded, its terms and premises rooted in a feminist discourse men aren't meaningfully able to participate in, that there really isn't much anyone can say, except to either agree in whole or in part, niggling over minor details. For example, you write: "I've seen this in younger relationships where women will ask their partners to open up to them but their partners won't be willing to put the emotional work in, instead preferring to ignore that stuff." Yes, I know. This belief is all the rage right now. Poor women trying to get their men to open up about their emotions, but they just won't. Too stubborn. Too emotionally underdeveloped. Must be all the male-power fantasy media they consume. Here's an unfortunate reality: Women, in general, have very little patience for men's emotions that don't suit their needs. Our emotions aren't really concerned over, except insofar as they affect women. Literally nobody cares if we're sad, depressed, feeling hopeless, defeated, anxious, confused, uncertain, unsure of ourselves, and so forth unless it affects them, in which case it's usually a problem for them. Nobody wants to hear it. Typically it just upsets them because we are less valuable as emotional outlets for their own feelings, less firm rocks in a turbulent sea, or whatever other purposes our emotions may be recruited for. Men's emotions are not *for us*, as they are constantly being hijacked for someone else's needs. Sometimes these are broad social goals, but mostly these are the needs of a domestic partner. To ensure men remain useful emotional receptacles, we are punished our entire lives for demonstrating emotion beyond a narrow band of acceptability, typically situational: e.g., we're supposed to be courageous when that is what is required of us, angry when that is what is required of us, loving when that is what is required, and so forth. Anything else is routinely, often brutally shamed. Now your instinct here is to come up with something about how it's men who are punishing other men for being emotional (i.e. the ol' "don't be a pussy"). However, this is a myth. First of all, when men call each other "pussies" (qua *coward*) or some variant, it's typically to spur action, not punish emotion. Secondly, men share a great deal more emotional content with each other than women think they do. Other men are almost always the safer choice, because---and here's the secret---women are far more punishing of men's emotions than we are. We may not be crying on each other shoulders, but other men are usually our only avenue for discussing and exploring our own emotions without fear of judgement. This is a lesson we learn many times: *Displaying any emotion except for the one which is demanded of us almost always results in a worsening of the situation, isolation, and shaming.* Displaying *unwanted* emotion is how you get friendzoned by your own girlfriend or wife. Hell, a man's flagging self-confidence is practically permission to cheat. Angry when that isn't what's desired? Enjoy being labeled "toxic." Not angry enough when we are to be someone's striking edge or meat shield? Not a *man* at all. Romantic interest in a woman is unrequited? Creep. A woman's romantic interest is unrequited? He's cold, doesn't know what's best for him, not interested in commitment, boyish, can't express himself, etc. I've written more than I anticipated, and I realize that the preponderance of it doesn't address my initial claim--namely the emotional make-work women generate. The connection is that our emotions are co-opted by women in order to serve their interests. Nobody cares if we prefer the white napkins to the taupe; the point is that we must demonstrate a sufficient level of care and engagement in the question in order to reassure an insecure women of our commitment to the relationship, which in our minds have nothing to do with each other. Our emotions, your needs. Well, sometimes you don't get what you want.

I had a quick conversation with my acupuncturist about this today. She asked what was wrong with being single. I get the impression she is fine with it. Of course, it's different for everyone, but for me, I want a partner (friend, teammate, confidant, lover, protector...) to share my life with. I also love the freedom to move with no conversation. I'd gladly get over the latter when he appears in my life though. For now, it is what it is and I thank God that I think for myself. I don't buy into groupthink. Most of these "relationship/life coaches/gurus" are inexperienced and don't know their ass from a hole in the ground imo. 🤷🏾‍♀️

You can be married, with children, and still be lonely. This should really be a broader conversation around community and intimacy.

Truth is neither side wants to admit that we need each other, both feminism and the "manosphere" have gone too far to the point we're basically hating each other rather than coming together as a unit. You have toxic men and you have toxic women, both sides need to stop generalizing genders as a whole. I used to consume alot of red pill content from different creators and it put me in a really dark place. I literally felt bitter and resentful towards all women to the point I didn't even want to talk to or approach any. It made me extremely lonely and unhappy. Once I started clicking "do not recommend" and "not interested" on all these red pill creators, it's really helped improve my mindset and self esteem.

I got mommy issues. My mother raised me to be the perfect bait for narcissist people, so I worked on myself. If everyone did more introspective thinking, then we would be able to attract better quality people. Then the actual terrible people that are left can just be miserable together, win win.

- I tried the relationship thing for majority of my adulthood - using every method you could think of: blind dates, online dating, speed dating, match-ups by friends and relatives, meeting people on my own ... ... nothing!!! Now that I'm 40, I'm tired and just want to be left the hell alone, lol. It's just emotionally EXHAUSTING!!

Alright, I'm 24 years old. Got into the whole feminism discourse when I was 16, obviously. When I hit 22, I had a huge shift in the way I see the world. I'm watching articles come out of women saying that Cosmopolitan was lying to women back in the 70s! I'm currently not in a relationship, and I believe in, shocker, partnership and monogamy. I want kids in the future too. But I'm not going to put off looking for a partner because "muh career". At the end of the day, no boss, no corporation, no paycheck is going to be on your deathbed next to you. Hopefully your family will be. It's hard for that to happen when you don't have one. Edit: looks like I triggered some folks in the comments lmao so let me clear some shit up. (1) Yes I still want women to have rights. Duh. (2) Not every woman will get married, that’s fine. Not every marriage will result in children. That’s also fine. (3) I’m not straight. I’m bisexual. But it is *my* choice to want to pursue a husband to have children with. My dad left when I was a young teen. I don’t want to deprive my kids of a father, so I have made the *personal decision* not to pursue women even though I’m attracted to them. (4) Women can have jobs and a family. Same way men can have jobs and a family. But when you pursue a *career* , your family is part of the sacrifice. Men do it all the time - work long hours and come home to spend an hour with the kids, and we hear stories of how kids feel neglected. It’s the *same* when mom does it, but for some reason, we empower her for doing so these days. I’ll still work, because I want to. But I won’t be abandoning my future children to daycares from the moment they’re born because I prefer working. Children deserve present parents. (5) Some of y’all are so butthurt in the comments that you don’t realize that yes, there *is* a propaganda to tell young women that they don’t need a man. Instead, they should be spending money. Literally. Buy clothes, buy drinks, buy vacations, buy nice cars, you name it. And it’s not like those things are bad. But they don’t want to empower you. They want to empower you to spend money on their products. (6) I’m no longer a feminist by 4th-wave feminism standards. If you call yourself a feminist that is up to you and you can do what you want. But don’t be out here avoiding accountability.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm one of those guys that say "I'm good alone." I isolate myself a lot, and I'm recognizing that it actually has a damaging effect mentally because you're just alone with your own thoughts all the time. Simultaneously though, I'm deathly afraid of getting into a relationship because I just feel inherently inadequate as a person. If that makes sense.

What's funny is that people forget that humans are social creatures. Its literally in our DNA..there's a reason solitary confinement is such a brutal form of punishment(which should be illegal)

I'm a single guy with a good career and I'm happy as can be. I can buy what I want and travel whenever I want with nothing to really stop me or hold me down. Sure, it is a bit lonely because I think it's human nature to want companionship. It is nice to have someone to share experiences with outside of platonic friendships. However, dating over 30 has been really weird. I think a lot of people are just so set in their ways and have way too many expectations by this age. Especially since I am not looking for someone to support me, my approach to dating is just finding someone I can get along with well and have similar interests. On the other side of this, women I go on dates with all feel like they're just looking for a personal ATM and it's so obvious most of the time. Some can't even bother to hide their disinterest, especially the ones that want want to free dinner.

My daughter asked me, what lesson have you learned, in my 54yrs on this earth. This is what I said. "People are always in the pursuit of Happiness, happiness is a feeling. Feelings don't last, feelings go as quick as they came, sadness is a feeling also, sadness comes and goes. What we all should be in search of is Contentment, and so when happiness comes we can enjoy it and live in the happiness. Same goes for sadness, when it comes, we can deal with it a wee bit better. Stop chasing a feeling" That's the best lesson to learn from my first 54yrs on this earth, wonder what my second lesson will be , in the next half.

Every woman's ex is a narcissist and every man's ex was "crazy". People make themselves the victim all the time in retrospect.

I'm 20, i went to go and work for this film producer lady, loaded, owns 9 different properties, rents them out, shoots commercials for all the top companies, i do event planning and i got lucky to land her for an event through my cousin who is her PA. Rocked up at the place, stunning, asked my cousin is she married he said no but she wishes she was because she is extremely lonely at times. She's in her 50s and to find someone then is hard af. I looked at her success and thought this is amazing, i hope to live such a life but the only downside was that she was truly alone and that hurt inside even for me, i hope she does find someone amd whether we like it or not everyone needs someone

“Higher dating standards” these days just seems like covertly saying “I’m completely unreasonable and uncompromising.” People are putting each other on blast for every little mistake, irk, miscommunication, or issue however slight. Young people are all “block him” and “ghost her” in a heartbeat, forgetting that they too are imperfect and make mistakes, that it would be ludicrous to expect nothing to ever go wrong in a relationship.

I'm a healthcare worker, and during the pandemic it was so stressful and traumatizing losing so many patients, to a point we were packing 4 dead bodies in one day. Every time I came home from work, my husband gave me hugs and cuddled with me for hours while watching my favorite movie to cheer me up. It's really wonderful to have someone to come home to that loves you unconditionally. I can't imagine why someone would rather be alone. Growing old is very lonely, trust me, I've seen people die alone cuase they have no one, it's very sad.

If you want to be single, be single. If you don't want to be single then put in effort to find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. Not sure why stuff like this needs a think piece. EDIT: I was speaking genenerally. Not specifying toward aba and preach or the other creator. Sorry for the confusion.

the only time I've ever felt lonely is in a relationship

I just have a fear of ending up with the wrong person or being a single parent, then realizing that i may have been better off alone. We shouldnt base our choices on other ppls lives, but theres way too many divorced couples or people who remain married but HATE each other. I've had ppl tell me to stay single. But I'd love to find someone but I'm scared to death I'll regret it.

Everyone wants fulfilling connection, but not everyone finds it. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically equate to happiness. Being alone doesn't automatically equate to misery. Men are not disposable just because they are men, and women do have needs but can find ways to have those needs fulfilled if she is unable to find the right man. I'm tired of these debates. Everyone should just go to therapy and figure out how to make the most out of their own situations.

Also wtf is a "happiness expert"

This whole topic makes me so sad cause it's so true. Everyone is so afraid of getting hurt by the other side... and dating apps and all this bullshit really does not help, we all have grass is greener syndrome.

There's nothing like finding the right person and knowing my own emotions determine the success of my part of the relationship. Some people will be alone, some will find toxic relationships and be alone, and then there are some who will go through people like a bulldozer until they find the right person. Either way people that go on platforms to discuss intimacy or relationships and they are single really shouldn't advise other individuals navigating through life. The best advice you can get is from someone who is with a partner with a positive mindset that reflects their own somewhat so that the ability to connect to others isn't stressful or unknown. Unfortunately people in bad relationships don't want to leave because they are afraid of starting over.

The thing with me is that I would rather be lonely than be with someone who makes me miserable. I would LOVE to be in a healthy relationship, but I’m not sacrificing my sanity to be with anybody, which is why I’m single. Not lonely, but single. It takes time to find the right person, and I’m okay with that 🙂

That gender war shit is beyond goofy. We need each other. PEOPLE need other people. Man, man or woman, woman. Doesn't matter. People need partnership both emotionally and practically. I'm turning 35 this week. I've lived the majority of my life without my wife. I don't "NEED" her to survive in the purest sense of the term. However, I do need/want her and would very much prefer not to do this shit alone.

I trully believe i dated a covert narcissist before and the therapist we went to for one session peeped it straight away BUT looking into it i was like wait 🤔 "what sort of person do they go for?" it was AMAZING! I was able to delve into my MANY shortcomings, trauma and the role I played in sustaining that relationship. I was a willing participant in that mess. It taught me a lot!!!!!

Tbh being a single man in my opinion is fun as hell cause I don’t got to worry about someone putting me in stress over their insecurities and I get to do what the hell I want.

"Men and women have to bridge this gap, because we only have each other." This right here. We really do need each other, cause we all bring something to the table.

I saw my grandma the other day and she lives alone and it made me so sad. I asked her “Grandma, how are you?” And she goes, “Im done….” I obviously was like wym? She goes “Im done. I just am here…. Doing nothing. Waiting for other ppl to come. Im done. Im ready to go”. She is just completely lonely. Loneliness is very intense.

Preach, the reason why a lonely person keeps saying that they are good are because they are trying to convince themselves. The thing is, what's the alternative? Accept that you're miserable? Go down the drain and become a shell ? Who'd want you then ? I'm good alone, but it would be nice to have someone is the best we lonely people have.

Relationships are complex. I think the issue is that people are more focused on what's in it for them versus what are they bringing to the relationship. It's on both sides, this isn't just a man or woman problem. When I got into a relationship I found there was a lot new territory of conflicts I had never considered like how to argue fairly, problems with in-laws, spending time with friends, career choices, parenting, etc. I think my biggest mental shift came when I read about, instead of looking at what is wrong with my partner, and what is it that I can do to improve the relationship. Initially it was a little one sided with me doing more of the shifting, but my partner saw all the effort I was putting into the relationship and she started coming around and reading some of the things I was reading and introducing me to new readings. Another one that always stuck with me, most problems aren't solvable, but you can always change how to react to the problems. I think people should overall find partners with the same values and goals in life, but from there be flexible, be humble, be willing to learn and think about what they can do to change versus trying to change their partners.

I wish women kept this same energy whenever the check came or they hear a bump downstairs in the middle of the night

Women don't need men? Tell that to the one chick on The Talk or whichever day time talk show that was. She was all "girl power" until she got a man. Then suddenly she's bawling her eyes out because she's not lonely anymore. Look, if you truly believe you don't need an SO in life, that's cool. But there's also nothing wrong with feeling lonely. You don't have to put on a song and dance for everybody pretending you're good when you're not. Edit: My comment wasn't meant to generalize women. It was to point out that the people who tend to scream the loudest about "not needing a man/woman" are usually the most insecure about being single. Men do it too. Also, it's come to my attention the show I brought up is actually called The Real and the woman I used for my example is Loni Love.

If you're unhappy alone I don't think someone can make you happy.

That quote reeks of bitterness as well as a coping mechanism to rationalize their bad choices in the men they date and/or how they view men in general.

27 year old guy here, never dated but I never understood this resentment towards the ladies. People ask me why I'm not dating, I tell em I'm just lazy. It takes effort to do these things. I'm not gonna go around blaming ladies for bettering themselves and having careers and high standards. It makes sense, all power to them.

The last part about the talking vs understanding emotions thing is sooooo real

I watched the whole vid she made some good points… she also took some accountability on how some woman have been unruly these past few years.

Bro I'm tired of this. I'm 22 and I'm just tired.

As single woman I would love to have a partner but I’d rather be single than with the wrong person. Being single is a great time to find yourself and achieve things without distraction but it can get lonely. We need each other in the long run.

Id rather be miserable by myself than miserable with a creature that was designed to live a miserable existence

I just lost someone of 7 years Dec 6th, we weren't dating but it was something special, I got my friends who I've known slightly longer, but it only does so much, I'm so lonely and it's as if I lost a part of myself. Not having someone is the worst feeling ever. Imagine years of someone in your life then you're by yourself, appreciate that you aren't alone and if you are alone don't rush into something because you're lonely, find the right person one day.

"They think that because they talk about their emotions they're more emotionally intelligent". I damn near licked off metaphorical shots sitting at my desk. More than once I've played a game called "Can we have a direct conversation?". I'm surprised by how often the answer turns out to be no.

As a data analyst, I remember reading textbooks on applied statistics that would use examples from different fields of study to teach you. One thing I distinctly remember was how the best book of them all actually took the time to explain improper external validation, which is RAMPANT in the social sciences, and occurs when people generalize the findings of their study across a broader context incorrectly. It used the social sciences as the running example of what not to do.

I agree that there has to be a lot of introspection when it comes to speaking about our feelings and emotions. It took me a very long time to show my husband that I can be a soft place to land, and vice versa. I was a bit more open to it than he was in the beginning. Even now, sometimes we struggle. But whenever we do speak on it, we try our best to analyze what we’re feeling and work through it together. But people don’t often realize what they’re asking for when they say they want “emotional vulnerability” in their partners. You have to be ready for the good and the bad and the ugly that comes with that. Personally, I think it takes more courage to be vulnerable, and an equal amount of courage for your partner to look at that vulnerability and say, “I’ll do what I can to protect you.” And that’s from woman to man and man to woman. It’s person to person. Vulnerability is only the first step. The rest is processing and understanding and becoming stronger for it. Not weaker.

Omg thank you for mentioning the whole narcissism bit. So many women use this word all the time, I’m a woman myself. But that word has been overused by my kind. Not everyone is a narcissist. It’s kind of lost its meaning.

I met my wife at 17, I'm now 41 and we have been married for 21 years. I am a better person with her in my life, she is my world, my rock. She has helped me through my depression and supported me when I lost my job just before the pandemic. We are happier together. In my darkest moment, when i was suicidal, she told me that she didn't want to lose me, she wished she could fix it for me but that she also wouldn't hold it against me if I did take my own life as she lso didn't want me to suffer anymore. That both broke and melted my heart.

This gender war is getting old as hell. Being alone doesn't necessarily equal lonely. You can be partnered, STILL be lonely, have your needs neglected & that truly sucks more. With hobbies & things to enjoy, the brain doesn't even really go there all that often. There are fleeting moments, sure, BUT no one is screwing with my calm or my safety. When I think about the alternative of being used, mistreated or treated like I'm mildly ret@rded for having a vag, it fades. Would it be nice to have a partner? Sure... HOWEVER, when looking at all the anger & bitter baggage ppl are running around with that they refuse to address, the toxicity & mind games normalized left & right, I'd rather not. I don't hate men... from what I see & hear, they'll be quick to hate & accuse me of this, that & the other for existing. No thank you! If a happy, honest, loyal, mature, self-aware, decent man comes along, cool. If not? Well, I guess I'll die alone... might as well accept it now & find ways to be happy with what I have instead of being bitter about it.

I truly cannot understand people who don't learn from toxic encounters. Back in my teens I was quite toxic. My then best friend told me that she hates my behavior. I got better at managing it. It's not like I was perfect, but I managed it better after a while. My intention wasn't to hurt her. However I still did it, but I didn't realize it. Honestly, I really chuckled and felt called out when Aba said "Every women dated a narcisisst". That was true for me too, he saw it like that too, lol.. But in all honesty, I also contributed to a lot of toxicity. I saw the red flags before the relationship even started, but I somehow thought that "He would change".. Which is absolutely fucking stupid. Going into a relationship wanting someone to change? Why tf did you even start a relationship with this person to begin with then? If it's not a fit, it's not a fit. Learned the hard lesson though, lmao. But it gave me a valuable lesson and I'm actually thankful for that. It showed me my boundaries. When I got cheated on it was absolutely difficult to deal with, but 2 years later I'm extremely glad it happened. If it wasn't for this relationship, who knows when I had learned this lesson? Now I'm engaged to a loving partner. We discuss so much stuff. I have never once insulted my fiance during an argument (I used to do that a lot in my past relationship because I was extremely frustrated due to not feeling heard). After we argue, we try to figure out why the argument happened. Communication (on both sides) is so damn important. If I didn't have the toxic relationship, I probably wouldn't have started dating my now fiance. I understand feeling addicted to toxic relationships.. but in the long run, nothing is better than a healthy relationship. Feeling safe and valued is so good.

I'm so ashamed of yall.... :/ taking her out of context alot just to fit your same agenda. You do this alot if I'm honest. I won't unsub but like damn that's embarrassing bro.

After my last relationship I was single for a very good reason. Not feminism, not "I don't need no partner", but because I wasn't able to like myself even a little bit. I was scared to death to die alone but I needed to figure shit out. And I did. Therapy and all included. Now I'm in a relationship and I can confidently say: I am able to be happy alone. Alone, not lonely. I was like 80% completed and I can totally live with that. But now with my girlfriend: It's finally 90% (I still need therapy that's the last 10% but you get what I'm trying to say). It's okay to be single, it's okay to be in a relationship. Do what you have to do in order to be the most happy you can be. Sometimes, just like in my case, that includes being independent and single for a while. It's okay :)

The article itself is stupid, because if there's lonely men, there's most certainly lonely women. Plus as we've constantly have seen there's a lot of women who complain and say "where are all the good men", so I don't want to hear it.

Facts. Being open to talking about your emotions is not the same as understanding your emotions. Also, the probability of dating more than narcissist in your life, based on the population of narcissists is bonkers. Great point.

I feel like even though it’s a bad thing for men and women to be alone later in life, it’s more a of a shock to women because they stop being desired and experience true loneliness for probably the first time in their lives. Meanwhile with the average guy, we’re used to being alone and ignored from pretty much our entire lives. It’s something the most guys accept at a very young age. I think it’s important to accept that if you’re an average straight guy you probably had a 50% chance of dying childless and alone but these days i think it’s an 80% chance.

I've noticed the loneliest people love to promote being lonely, underneath the disguise of "empowerment". I genuinely hate the direction society is going.

Since I’ve gotten married I think I’ve glowed up. My hair grow, my skin is brighter, my body is on point lmfao ladies please don’t listen to this madness!!!! Just find your person and enjoy each other!

this looks like a "correlation = causation" study... Like, the points being discussed are; - Single women who are better off financially tend to be single - Single men who are single are in bad financial situations I didn't see any survey data asking "do you feel happy?"

If you're looking for articles on relationships to decide what you "should" do to be happy you're already heading down the wrong path. I feel like at a certain point in your life you gotta figure out who YOU are and decide whats best for YOU. Sometimes you're not in the majority of people that these studies describe.

I honestly think people way over exaggerate the misery of being single. It’s really not that bad y’all. I understand a loving relationship can make people very happy but being single also isn’t going to lead to a miserable existence. We can find ways to be happy and content regardless of our relationship status.

Hearing that “not done - hhhhhhhhhh… *hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*” from Preach at 11:41 was the icing on the cake

There's a difference between being emotionally mature and being sentimental. Being emotionally mature requires being sentimental sure, and it so requires being able to vent/act on said emotions in an healthy and respectful manner. Shedding tears to a sob story doesn't make you emotionally mature. Considering if there's anything you can do to help while also making sure you're not stretching yourself too thin or being played is emotionally mature.

To be fair, a lot of these people who generalize the genders have trauma-based or abandonment-based biases that makes them more prone to dislike that gender more. Me personally though, I’ve grown up with an equal amount of shitty men and women in my life. We gotta stop seeing this as a gender issue, and more of a shitty person issue

I'm a single woman and very happy too. But I'm not single because of some dumb feminist ideas like " I'm an independent woman, I don't need no man", I have just always known I would not get married and have kids. Some people are meant to follow a different path in life, and there have always been some men and women who are like this. There can be a lot of good reasons why people choose to stay single, and they also shouldn't be judged for it, because you don't know what has happened in their lives.

I gotta say, this comment section is looking REAL different from yesterday's 😬

For me, I'm 31 single with no kids, my biggest complaint on the loneliness is having to deal with my family making comments about not having grandkids or why I'm single. I've got some years to get it together still I understand, but the amount of mental distress it causes sitting around a table with people who are supposed to support you, but instead ridicule you makes being single brutal. There is zero chance any single man who's in their 40's or older is happy, unless he's got a boatload full of cash to fuck instathots with.

I’m a single childless woman and I’ve been in relationships and have dated (not slept dated) around a lot.. it was always so stressful and I felt like the majority of those men didn’t want anything serious but only to mess around.. my first relationship lasted 4 years till he left for the military and decided to leave me for another woman. The second man I dated said “you’re perfect but I don’t think I can fall in love with you.” The third man just didn’t know what he wanted and I couldn’t live in uncertainty. All the other men just tried to treat me like an item very few actually considered how I felt. I want to try and date again but every time I think about it I just get stressed cause I would have to put myself in situations that I don’t want to be in. I’m sure one day I’ll find a man who will meet me in the middle but right now I’m ok being alone. That’s just me tho and how I feel. I’m alone but I’m not lonely

The women who claim that they're "strong, independent, and don't need no man" also expect men to approach, take the initiative, ask/pay for dates, and pay the bills 🤣 The epitome of wanting your cake and eating it too.

Her original video is much more balanced and conversational than this is edited to make it seem. Of the left wing content on RU-vid, Khadija's channel tends to be the least accusatory and angry in tone, and she tends to take a kind and humanistic view of things. I really don't think the way she is represented in this video is fair, and if you're seeing this comment I hope that you go to her channel and see for yourself. Often the most polarizing points she makes are said with humor, and she will follow up in a serious tone to explain how things are more of a gray area. The follow up to her points have been edited out to make her seem misanthropic, which she is not.

I'm unpartnered and realized how much I get to spend my time on things that I enjoy instead of the stress and dramas of modern day relationships.

I think the reason or the discourse surrounding this (I.e. “fuck women, stay single” or “fuck men, stay single”) is because we are all lied to about dating and marriage. So many of us have came into the dating scene or marriage with unrealistic expectations of the person that we want and/or with which has tainted our point of view. Being with a person you love is beautiful, but it’s work nonetheless for the receiver and the person giving. The same way you have to deal with a person and everything they bring, they have to deal with yours as well. It’s not easy, but it’s a beautiful and bloody process kinda like childbirth.

Nah it's fine let them think that way, people who think this way are not attractive to me personally in any way So I'm fine if she ejects herself, makes no difference to me, hope she's happy

14:41 I swear it's one of the worst things to hear. I just sets of triggers lol. You know you can't tell them because they won't understand and half the time you just wanna be left alone in your thoughts just being you. What's worse is, when you don't tell them they make you seem like an awful person and start getting angry with you.. I experience this more times than I would like to tolerate and it's annoying

Marriage has been one of the best things to happen in my life. I have a very supportive wife. I can be vulnerable with her. I can be honest. Even when we are mad at each other, we both reassure each other that the love is still there. We don't have a lot of money, but we just bought a small house together and are fixing it up. I can't imagine a life acting like I don't need a companion. The majority of humans need companionship. So many people just don't know how to be good partners, or even know enough about themselves to know what they need and should be looking for. Forgiveness, compromise, and understanding are three of the most important factors in maintaining a relationship. That shit will get you far.

I'm 52, no kids, never married, and am definitely more emotionally stable and content with my life than my married counterparts whose kids ignore them and husbands cheating blah blah blah... They come to my place for the serenity, and cry at my kitchen table while I sip my tea and thank fuck I never married. PSA: Don't mistake solitude for loneliness. It's not even close to the same thing. The loneliest I've ever felt was when I was in a relationship.

I've been single a long time. Like many guys, for roughly the last 10 years, I've heard the "girl power", "I don't need a man", and "men are trash" sorts of things A WHOLE LOT. I've been shamed for having never been in a relationship, at age 30, several times, or shamed for inexperience in other things several times as well. Personally, I'd rather give relationships a chance, but with how things have been in the dating scene, it's easy to stay away. The tough part is how women have treated guys (and seeing some guys be absolute jerks to ladies), while also not becoming bitter. Preach's point at 7:12 - I'm good alone - heard that a lot too. Way too many people have been hurt and need to do soul searching and get past whatever trauma they have. Society did an awful job of telling people they needed to be alone, and those same people internalized it and took the wrong things from that. I will genuinely be alright, no matter what happens in my own love life. I can admit my own mistakes throughout my journey, and some of those things were indeed because of me. It took me a long time to realize that part, and some of that stuff, I'm still learning now. Preach is right, the loneliness can really suck. But society has changing to do.

every time I hear someone unapologetically use the term "emotional labour" a little piece of me dies

Khadija dropped a response video to this, figured I'd duplicate my comment: I watch both channels. I get both sides. The problem is in the investment of the narratives (wether/not women are better off) and not the goal (unite the sexes). If the gendersphere cared about the unity part we'd see more collaborative discussion than we do. I think both Aba and Khadija are pretty thoughtful in their respective perspectives, but the barrier of bias is so high in the audience we can't see the common ground. Truth is, they're both making good points and might actually agree on some parts but she's focused on Aba's cis/het generalizations and Aba is focused on tearing down a narrative by any means.

I was in an extremely toxic relationship. I got with this person because I was afraid of being alone. When I got out I stayed single. Now I am in my 40's and I am tired of doing it alone. To old for the "Single ladies" and to single for the "Married with children". The loneliness and depression is real.

I have to disagree a little bit with nuance. Women are better off alone if men want the traditional lifestyle's perks without the work. We are in an era where most couples have to work. If you are both working to contribute financially in the home, both should contribute in taking care and mainting the home (ex: chores). If the man wants the women to both work and do the chores, while he comes back from work and "gets to relax", being single is the better outcome for the woman. So, in this nuanced scenario, when women can't take a break, women are better off single. Single until they find a partner who understands the value of teamwork. Who understands that, if she contributes 50% financially and he contributes 50% financially [for example], he should contribute 50% in the maintenance just like she should contribute 50% in the maintenance. (It can be 60/40, 70/30 etc. but I hope the point comes across).

Lol the 'What are you thinking about' bit got me.

I get what was said here, but women HISTORICALLY have had the short end of the stick in relationships. Women generally compare "single life" to "married but single" life. I think it's not fair to speak on relationships for women, when neither one of you have dated men loll.

i’d say, no matter what gender you are; if you’ve been conditioned with unhealthy patterns in childhood (like for example people pleasing while completely neglecting your own needs) a marriage actually can be unhealthy depending on who you attract. I think if the relationship has a healthy balance of give and take and both sides are able to self-reflect, it can be more fulfilling than being single. Probably what matters, in the end, is whether you have a connection to other people no matter if it’s a relationship or friendship. Friendships are highly underrated nowadays.

The PEW study isn't the burn she thinks it is. The pew study isn't suggesting men do worse without women, it's saying men doing worse don't get women. Basically if you want a partner as a man the best route is to make more money. Makes women seem shallow more than anything else.

I suggest ya’ll further acquaint yourselves with Khadija’s work (and humor for that matter) because your criticisms kinda missed the overall point she had. Her response to this video via the live she had tackles a lot of the responses you had. This wasn’t it. I get that primarily your channel is meant to be a community space for men to talk about male issues and I am all for that, but IF this video is also meant to bridge the gender divide, this was not the best way of doing that.

As a woman I agree with you guys. I think the true definition of emotional intelligence escapes many. Many dont understand the 4 factors of emotional intelligence, because it is not just perceiving ones emotions, but managing, reasoning and understanding emotions and not just own own but others as well.

I care for the elderly and I've seen it all ways... I've cared for married couples who never had children and simply enjoyed each other throughout life. I've cared for women who never married and never had children who were fulfilled. I've cared for widows/widowers who loved their spouse so much that they never remarried. I've cared for married couples who had children and they hate one another lol.

I think you guys need to pull your socks up. Its not the first time I've heard someone say you guys misrepresented them and took them out of context just to emphasize your point.

Exactly these convos are redundant because we need each other period

It’s funny, I was never that person that was like “yeah I don’t need a man”. I’ve only been with my partner for just under 6 months, but I have honestly never been happier. Maybe that’s just the honeymoon phase of the relationship but it’s just better idk

As a divorced woman, I feel that for me and my personal qualities, singledom really is happiest. I can't give a prescription for everyone, because it really is a answer unique to the individual. Foremost, you have to consider genuine options, not fantasy men and fantasy relationships you might have. I wasted my 20s dating life chasing a dream of this guy who would play a role in my life that I later realized was self-contradictory. I was at odds with myself, so of course I couldn't find a relationship that would be fulfilling. In my 30s I married someone who had already had kids with his previous wife, which worked for me since I didn't want to live with kids, and his lived with his ex-wife. It was an ok marriage in that we like each other as people (still), but we were not meant for sharing a life. Moving in completely opposite trajectories, him wanted to go from Wall St. hot shot to rural tractor something or other, and me wanting to finally make my mark and prove what I could do in a career. I wound up having a very successful business about 5 years after we split and wound up retiring after just 10 years. He has been struggling financially for many years due to the choices he made. I definitely could not have taken that journey with him and been anything like happy. He would have undermined my path and I could not have convinced him that his was not going to work out the way he wanted. Now I'm middle aged and while I'll occasionally think about going into a relationship again, I'm wise enough now to separate fantasy from reality of what's on offer. The available men my age have all kinds of issues that would make my life harder, not easier. While people often start when they see my age somewhere and question me about it, because I really do look about 20 years younger than I am and was always a very good looking woman, that still doesn't mean I would actually be able to partner with a man 20 years younger, or even 10 years younger. Mostly men marry women who are younger than them! At this age, that generally means someone with health or financial problems and some bitterness that goes along with it. Or they just want someone to sit on the couch with them passing time before the end. Not for me. I'm pretty happy as things are. I live near my family of origin (multiple households) and we get together often. I have a few women friends my age who never married or had kids, as well as a few married with kids who I stay in touch with. I have hobbies I enjoy and volunteer work that is meaningful and fulfilling. Would I be happier with a fantasy husband who's just right? Of course. But I'm too old for fairy tales. All this fits me, but it doesn't necessarily fit a woman who: A) is younger when she figures out who she is and what she wants; B) marries someone who fits that before she hits 40; C) wants kids, so is on balance happier so long as she marries a good father even if he isn't the ideal husband for her; D) is a massive extrovert and cannot be happy living alone; or E) has no genuine interests aside from relationships so can't find fulfillment in hobbies, volunteering, work, etc. Sort out life for who you are, not who others are. Learn from their experience, but adapt it to your uniqueness. Whatever you do, don't plan around fantasies. Relationships don't work in theory. You have to marry a particular someone, and they have to want to marry you too!

“Women benefit being alone” lol. I’d like to say other studies done would disagree with this. Not only that but a lot of women that are alone that regret this decision.

One side of the spectrum: you are probably more miserable when you are with a man because you got to deal with someone else’s trauma, bad habits, and flaws Other side: this can also apply to men with women, men with men, and women with women. When you are with someone no matter who it is, you will experience some sort of stress because it’s stressful having to deal with other people period. So yeah

Peace. Caring about each other's happiness and allowing or helping each other to have peace is a lost art. There a million distractions and options that lead many people to become shallow, selfish, and immature. Both men and women, it's freakn rough out here.

I wouldn’t trade my husband for all the fortunes in the world. I became the best version of a woman I could ever be all because of him. He completes me and his presence is very very much needed and appreciated.

If lonely, single men are on the rise, wouldn’t that mean there’s even more lonely, single women? Hook ups don’t mean you aren’t lonely. They mean you aren’t alone.