WWK REACTS: Parents Open Up About Regretting Having Kids 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You bring up some very good points.

This is so true, like my husband, who had this whole fantasy of repeating his supposed great childhood in the next generation, except I didn't have a great childhood and wanted to have time before kids. Another thing he seemed to forget quickly is that his mom had all of her twenties to work and accomplish things before having kids starting in her thirties, so we were going to do the same, but then suddenly did an about face and pushed to have kids at the onset when I was only 20 and hadn't done anything yet. Well, so much for my hopes and dreams, only to get compared to his mom when things weren't perfect (my mom wouldn't do that) and so on. No, I wasn't enthusiastic about parenting at all.

You are a very wise women. Babies are not dolls. Or accessories. It’s heartbreaking for the children.

I have a dentist, with two children, whose husband moved with another woman to travel and enjoy, because he didn't like this parenting life. The dentist is BEAUTIFUL, and earns well, now she has to take care of the children full time. He just 'woke up' and left her...Easy for men

@@pfm1706 men always do this. First they trick women and wanting kids so much, after the women gets kids they leave her with the kids and go with another woman living his life..

Indeed!

Sure seem that way

Damn straight 👍

They not only regret having children but curse their destiny no end

Yes, exactly. Bringing a new person into this world is always a risk

I personally find beauty in my life in so many ways. I have certainly had my fair share of suffering but I feel no qualms with bringing my son into the world. I'm completely fine with people not having children but I can't get on board with this particular argument.

I have a son. I had him late. I feel that all the children I didn't have in my 20ies are thanking me for never having been born. I'm not being dramatic. It's just the fact that I would've messed them up immensely.

Amen

ANTINATALISM TEAM GO

I think some can be envious, but some people make wonderful parents. I'm glad my siblings had kids because I do love being an Auntie:)

Nobody Care

Being a mother/father is one of the most beautiful experiences a human can go through. It is challenging but with every challenge we the parents grow and its extremely rewarding to know I am guiding them to be amazing human beings. I have a lot of girlfriends who didn't have kids(they no longer can) all of them which the would've. I still I am never jealous that they have "more freedom" than me. I love traveling, my daughter has been to 10 countries and she is only 4 years old. I am her mother but I am also my ownself.

@@melsis2785 u can afford to travel and have money. Majority of the population doesn’t. People like u should have kids because u can also afford it.

Misery loves company.

I think that probably happens more often then we think it does, unfortunately.

Exactly. I am now married and getting pressure from my parents to have children. I think they forgot how many times in the heat of argument/frustration they told me they regretted it, either explicitly saying those words or in other ways...

its what my mom told me 😬

I remember my parents always fighting because of the pressure of being parents---now that I'm married, they keep bugging me to have children....🙄 I'm not exactly persuaded

@@HipHopLuv123 No, I imagine that memories like that wouldn't be very inspiring.

Me too

Me too.. I hate when women want kids only for society.

There’s no guarantee that kids will be born healthy, many kids are born with health issues and special needs, parents end up taking care of them till they die.

@@karimahendricksen4631 exactly, like I'm stuck in now.

@@karimahendricksen4631 It's true. I spent 20 years staying close to my mother and looking after her, both due to poor health and financially. Now I'm 41 and the thought of doing the same for someone for another 20 years is too exhausting to consider. Now is my time.

YES!

Mostly men abandon their wives after they’ve got children.

Amen sis

💯💯

Mic drop!

nonsense.

So true!

That's the best birth control imo!

😂😂

Why does everything in life turn into a competition?!

Truth.. Its like they are expecting you say you got knocked up so they can say "hey welcome to the misery club" and laugh about it..

@@WifeWithoutKids I honestly think it's just a trait of being a woman (without sounding too sexist) because that's my only reasoning for this. But of course, I have NEVER been jealous of anyone who had children. Parenthood sounds like such a bummer.

@@Nicoleiia it honestly is and I am a mother of one from my marriage and I can tell you from experience the God’s honest truth is that kids are an anchor that will pull you down. Society and the majority around you flat out lie about the realities of parenting. Everyone does want you to join the club to normalize this and it’s really sad that misery loves company and most women don’t want to be honest to one another to prevent these types of regrets because once that baby is here you cannot go back and are stuck. Marriage doesn’t solidify anything because most people that are older or that are brought up traditionally will tell you that getting married and having children is a priority and that when done in that order that you are secured. I thought I was in the clear when I married because we gave our relationship time and he was always a gentleman that always was amazing to me and my family. But nothing but change stays the same... People constantly change, outgrow each other, may want something different in life, or may cheat. And I’ve even heard of cases where men leave because the child taking all of the attention and care. It can pull couples apart because the lack of time, energy, and frustration of the responsibility of the child being one-sided on the mother. It’s a fairytale that our society pushes with marriage, kids, the white picket fence and the dog. And I was in that harsh reality after I had to file for divorce. I looked up the statistics and quickly learned that children are permanent, relationships/marriage is more than likely temporary. And no matter the outcome the mother is held solely responsible for the child. And you will be tied to the father and in some cases to his family for life. Most will say 18 years but you will attend the child’s graduation, wedding, holiday gatherings, etc. So if they ended up being crappy in the relationship or you can’t stand anyone in their family, you are stuck with all of them too. Also, the people that pushed for you to have a marriage and children will not help you with your child when you need to work, have peace, exercise, want to go out to eat, travel, etc. This causes everything that was listed in the video: depression, weight gain, poverty, debt, career suicide, and overall regret. Your dreams are not put on the back burner because if you have no support, which many married and single mothers don’t, it’s 18 years of your life! That’s almost two decades! And no one prefers to make a career change or go back to school that late in life. I take pride in being honest to other women and men that ask or are hinting towards the topic because of family, friends, or people judging them with misleading comments like they are “missing out”. Hunny you are not, you will never be able to miss out on any opportunities, giving you an advantage in life. I have literally sat in an interview while married and when asked if I had a child, I confirmed and was told “thank you for your time”. Most employers do not respect motherhood and look at you as less valuable because you don’t have flexibility and if anything happens with your child being sick or childcare cancels last minute, you will always call out. You have peace whenever you want or need it, if anything drastic like this pandemic happens you will not be screwed because daycares and schools shutdown and you still may want to keep your child at home to avoid your child or you contracting the virus. I am in all of this now and no family nearby helped, my mother is not even working but wants to cater to her new marriage, which is her choice, despite her cries for marriage and grandchildren. Mind you she was married to my father for 18 years and they divorced when I was 8 and she had to raise me and my sibling as a single mother but she had around the clock help from her parents who were also retired. So I had to use my savings to move us from Texas to Florida where my grandmother offered to help with my 7 year old. This part of Florida has no opportunities career wise, the economy here is in no comparison to Dallas, but I have childcare with someone I can trust to work a job from home that I wouldn’t if I was child free. I was a pre med student in Texas but I had to withdraw when the shutdown occurred whereas everyone continued online and I couldn’t because my son’s school shutdown and his classes are now online. I love my son more than anything in this world but this has been a traumatic experience. I had to give up my life and everything else in it that made me happy to be his mother. Many mothers are going through this, especially during this pandemic but are too ashamed to say it due to the fear of being criticized. I am hoping to transfer to a university here in Florida since my grandmother is a tremendous help but I am constantly haunted to have a plan B because she is up in age... Meanwhile my son’s father (ex husband) is traveling the world in the military and always declines helping with anything but wants our son for some holidays to show him off to his family and the internet to portray himself as a father. So I say all of this to say, always put you and your wants and needs first because no one else will. Everyone will choose themselves and that’s their individual right and choice. Always do what’s best for you unapologetically. ❤️

@@bremd2018 Thank you, Bre! I know it's been a lot on your plate and thank you for sharing that. You are right. The same people who are shaming, pressuring, or convincing you to have children will NOT be there when you need help. Plus, raising a child will almost always fall on the woman, not the man. Unfortunately, I don't ever think there will be a real discussion about this because too many women are prideful and don't want to admit they are overwhelmed or they made a "mistake" (I don't think children are a mistake however). They would rather pull their peers into motherhood to make themselves feel better. Sadly, when you are women and choose not to have children, women around you will turn on you quickly. I am 33 and it has been like this since my mid 20s. But, atleast you only have 1 child to take care of. I usually have more issues with women who have multiple children and they are the most hateful towards me. Being a woman makes you have to decide tough choices. Choosing not to have children wasn't an easy choice, but I feel it is the right choice for me. Not to be anti-man, but I don't trust men enough to convince me to have a child because of what you stated. He can take off without a care in the world, and you are left taking care of everything and it's just too unfair. Motherhood has a lot of moving parts and other mothers need to portray the full picture, not just what suits them.

I think a lot of people feel like this.

This seems like such a self-aware comment, it really resonated with me, although I don't think I would have been to articulate it as well. Specifically the jealousy of childfree people, and then somehow turning my regretful decision into some sort of higher ground against people who had NOT made the same choice. But no one is going to be in the audience applauding me everyday, "look how she's doing it, oh my god!"

I weirdly relate to your thought process. Guess I am not alone after all.

I have no idea why people say that. It's strange really!

That's definitely a good point 👍

Because you’re young and they think you have “time” to change. But some people simply don’t. I’m 23, and I have an aunt that was considering having kids at my age. She’s now 43 and I’ve never seen her so happy being Childfree and she’s the best auntie a girl could ask for. I want to be like her when I grow up….”happy.”

Stand your ground!! It’s your life!!

I'm happy to do it:)

My feline furrbaby is the best! 😻

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 true, an animal and human are different. We adopt a pet....and are then in turn "pet owners" because pets are considered objects un our society, a "thing". One adopts a child...and becomes an adoptive mother/father. We care for our pets every need and want. Make her life comfortable. We love her. No, she's not a human, but we still have the same responsibilities to care for her.

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 oh FOR SURE!!!! 😅 Pets are so much easier to care for. No doubt. We just have 1 little 2.5 year old 12lb girl Minpin. I share that responsibility with my husband - and thank God! I couldn't do it alone. It's hard!!! 😅 Caring for another life is such an enormous responsibility. Biggest Problem, they will never be able to talk to us, and I'll never be able to speak dog. I don't know about pets being more expensive. Kids live longer, there are braces, clothes, shoes, bikes, cars, electronics, school/college... wedding!!!! 😅🙈🤣 our dog doesn't need any of that

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 and I find pets hard to take care of 😬

This planet is hopelessly UNDERPOPULATED with people who are high level thinkers- folks who are head and shoulders above the rest... the ones who are very well educated and erudite, who invent new things and techniques... who are basically decent people who are self aware and considerate and law abiding. Those people are in short supply. The ones who are idiots just reproduce and reproduce without a care in the world- plenty of them can't even AFFORD to feed their kids- let alone take proper care of them. The leaches are abundant; the producers are in short supply.

I think when people take personal accountability for their actions and are able to verbalize that they are sorry for the harm they've caused others it can go a long way in mending relationships.

Great points.

🙌🏼

You are so very correct.

I've seen my former female friends, with kids, dumped by men, in their 40s, having their midlife crises. The men go off with younger women, have their fun & even make more kids with these younger women ! I never had kids, never wanted any. But I still supported & helped former friends, after their husbands/boyfriends, left them. We have drifted apart over the years. They found other friends, who had kids & I found childfree friends. We have more in common. I don't regret not having kids. I was put off having kids, when I had friends with kids, years ago.

That’s really sad. I don’t think any amount of materialism makes up for the fact that kids want to be loved and accepted by their parents.

1000%

👍

That's the cruel irony of it. People who desperately want kids can't seem to make it happen easily, and yet the other people who didn't really want kids seem to end up being a fertile mertle and get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

Yes, there's such a misconception that we all hate kids. Some people don't like them, but some of us do.

Yes, it’s a strange thing really!

Yes and these women think they are better than childless women and also people view mother's as innocent and unlikely to be a bitch

Kids can be pretty insightful!

Agreed. It's good to hear both sides because that's reality.

@@WifeWithoutKids I'm so glad that my parents never said that they felt like that about me and my brother.

Same here. Too many people wear rose-coloured glasses when it comes to becoming a parent. It's still a huge and hectic step to take.

Feel sad for their children

@@gilrh4531 Same here.

What does CF mean?

Child free

@@ichiban_co. thank you 💙🙏

Yes, exactly

@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 Good for you. There’s a big difference between being free in your 20’s and being free in your 30’s though. I can only speak up to 30’s. Anyway I’m sure you’ll enjoy parenthood.

We always get snide comments about how we can afford to go on so many holidays. How come we have so much time on our hands it's like we should all have babies and feel the same suffering 😡

I think this last year has given a lot of people a different perspective on parenthood.

@@WifeWithoutKids Many people are holding off to have children now than ever. A lot of things like financial stability weigh in because of the rising costs of living, owning a home...etc. Also the Corona Virus has scared many. What does the future look like? I think it will have more people opting out.

@Trudy J absolutely agree. We find happiness in different things. Some find in in motherhood and pple like me find it in travelling the world.

Society teaches women to compete and hate and judge each other. This is one of the features of patriarchy

I agree, but this is also a result of society. Also, previous generations did not have the same information we do now. Until society changes and it becomes equally acceptable to not have kids, people will fall into the peer pressure and fear.

@@Sm-ig4rn Exactly!

It's so strange because when people really take time to think through a tough decision (like having or not having kids) and make the choice to not have them because it's not right for them they are constantly judged. It just makes no sense to me. 🙄

That's exactly right about regretting having kids. I'm one of those people that can say I'm filled with resentment for letting my husband push me into having kids when it was the last thing I wanted at the time. Now I haven't been able to accomplish anything in life like I planned. One thing people don't think of is, what if you end up with a lemon that will never be normal and instead of just parenting, you become a caregiver for life, and never have the life you wanted.

Yes, that would be so difficult to work through. I'm glad you are in a better place.

Man, I wish that was us 👫 oohhh so much living we could've done.

Great points and I'm so glad you don't feel alone. You aren't!

Exactly, it is very ROMANTICIZED. Sadly that version of it is pushed to the forefront in criticism/shaming language aimed at ppl who don't have children.

I agree on the cost! People also don't talk timelines... you used to parent until age 18. Now it's never-ending...

@@sarahg9632 So true!

Yes their more of a liability than asset sad to say however for me I have one son and I only wanted one child so they can inherit all of my hard earnings and it not go back to the government however I don’t feel the need to have more kids and definitely don’t need to try for a daughter like ppl encourage me too

Like so many moms have to 😩

Ugh thay hurts my heart and im so glad you don't hold it against her! P.s. If you need more childfree content head on over to my channel!❤

Yes. Choose for yourself!

Exactly.

Yes, it seems that everyone assumes EVERYONE will be having kids someday! lol

Yes exactly, I'm one of those people who got stuck in that situation, and 3 and a half decades later, I'm burned out, but it's still not over, it just keeps going. Ugh 😩 Also, I'm not OK with it.

THIS.

@@youngproperties2442 ????

@@idotgotitme3280 What happens when you and your husband pass away? My heart goes out to you. Almost seems like a life sentence on parole 😔 sure it's rewarding, but also an enormous sacrifice

@@adorable3817 Yes it is a sacrifice, but it's sure not rewarding, it basically is a life sentence. You dream of what you want out of life, and end up with the total opposite. As for what happens in the future; if something happens to us, then I guess our other daughter will get stuck with it, although, it's not like she's not busy enough, so she would probably work on finding some home for her to go to or something, I don't know. It's not that easy though, you can't just walk into those places.

That's awesome. I hear a lot of parents say that their 1 year old's still don't sleep through the night.

@@WifeWithoutKids My mom heard the same thing from my grandma and told my mom "You have no idea how it is to have kids." just because I didn't keep them up at night.

Yes, that would have given you lots of practice!

Yep, exactly, I've always said that 90 percent of the population got here by accident. I certainly didn't want to get pregnant when I did.

@@idotgotitme3280 I fear this so much

It's so important to be honest about this topic!

It is a serious commitment that should really be given thought. My hat is off to parents because it's a tough job!

Resentment from people who are not 100% happy about having had children is real.

@@1989menutheiswhat Damn right it is 😩

Me too! 😀

I need to use that definition of selfish a little more often when I'm criticized for my choice to be childfree. 😃

@@WifeWithoutKids Thank you! Feel free to amplify my comment. No credit needed :-)

So good that you are supported by your Mum!

Exactly, almost 8 Billion people on the planet - we don't NEED to have children.

Well there you go 👍

Based on this video I believe it!

Interested what kind of things are they writing?

@@Melly16yr10 The consistent theme I picked up on was having kids for the wrong reasons and then being unhappy it didn't turn out as advertised

😖

Same with me, I get blamed for everything that goes wrong with either kid or grandkid, even when it's got nothing to do with me.

So much YES to this comment! 👏

That makes me so happy to hear! I've always hoped that by starting this channel I'd be able to bring CF people together to support each other:)

Ha, you're welcome!

Yes, it's hard to hear even as a child free person, but being honest is important.

Fingers crossed for that:)

Yikes, that can be a tough one.

If she wants kids and you've been trying to convince her otherwise, once she hits menopause and the possibility of having kids is no longer on the table, she will start resenting you deeply. Have an honest conversation with her. Tell your wife: 'I never wanted children and I never will want to have children at any point in this marriage. If you are changing your mind now, make a decision to to be in a relationship with someone where this is a possibility. Or attempt to have a child on your own. I am telling you this now because I love you and want you to be clear about your options. The reality is, you don't have much time left to bear children as a woman, so you have to make a decision very soon'

Convince her to adopt. She’s at a very high risk age to reproduce and could have a special need kids. You both will hate yourselves and the kid if it’s a special Ed one which is very likely to be

That's was my situation in reverse, my husband just thought that he would have kids someday, cause apparently he had a great childhood and wanted to repeat it with the next generation, doesn't matter that I didn't, so I got pushed to have them, then had to deal with being compared to his mom when things weren't perfect, not thinking about the fact that I wasn't as thrilled to have kids as his mom was.

@@sophiakh9590 this comment is uncalled for and kind of rude. Let them decide what they wish to do-you are projecting your feelings- maybe she will never resent him and you are giving an ultimatum suggestion that may ruin their relationship and who asked you for your suggestion and advice anyway. Partnerships are not about ultimatums or showing the other the door if some desires change, so back off when giving advice to loving couples- dont ruin and be responsible for broken relationships.

Thank you for being transparent about being a parent! We need to hear more of this realness too:)

So true.

She sure did live a life of adventure and having a child would switch up the pace of life pretty quick.

I'm glad you found the channel too! Totally here to support your CF choice.

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@@justherenthere Thanks gurl👏👏💕🤞

Better tell your partner that there is no rush to have children. It's something that both of you are on board for, as for your "I don't care if I have kids or not." is a bit concerning cause it's a serious life decision. I am 22 years old and I already know that I want no children. I made it clear to my current partner about it, but said when we were fine financially and so on that I'd be willing to do foster first, and just maybe adoption.

I think a lot of people have kids as well because it's just "something you're supposed to do."

As if travelling is easy for everyone. As if changing a job is easy for everyone. As if everyone wants to travel. As if not having children automatically means you have no other things which restrict your freedom of choice

@@KateeAngel be that as it may, I expect a lot from single young men in their early 20's, many are lost without any drive or direction, I push them to make the most of life.

I can imagine it's a very active place.

Totally.

Sounds like me, I wanted to wait till I was 30 and have my 20's to accomplish something myself, cause I knew if the kids came first, that probably wouldn't happen, but my husband, who was originally on board with that, suddenly changed his mind and pushed to start a family right away. Well, he got his way (like most men usually do) except it screwed everything up for me because it was the wrong way around, so all it did was fill me with resentment and I still to this day haven't accomplished a damn thing.

It is a good one:)

We are a one and done family. After we had our daughter we very quickly got a crash course in parenthood and realized that we did not want any more kids.

It's very challenging to watch people suffer and if you decide to spare your child that, I don't see how that would be selfish.

It didn't sound like an ideal situation for sure.

Thank you!

Definitely no trial run in parenthood! You said it.

The news can bring anyone down pretty quick, for sure. There are lots of good things happening too, we just have to choose to focus on that.

Do u mind if I ask what type of birth control u use in long run?

Good point. I've always wondered why high schools (back in my day, maybe it's different now) didn't include more practical education like financial planning and other life skills. Those are things that would be so beneficial to learn at a younger age because being more informed affects how we make decisions.

I think if someone decides to have a baby they would love to know that their partner is going to HELP....and not just on weekends or an occasional diaper change.

I really wanted a baby too in my 20's and 30's. *THANK GOD* it never worked out!!!!!!! I'm still trying to fix the mistakes MY parents made 🤣

Oh my gosh yesssss. My inlaws are the same way and im like 📣I AM NOT OBLIGAYED TO GIVE YOU GRANDCHILDREN! P.S. If you need more childfree content head on over to my channel!🙌❤

You're so welcome!